Chapter Text
The house was quiet, disturbed only by the sound of David kicking off his shoes and shedding his jacket. Every mundane task carried an added weight, his shoulders heavy with the loss. It’d been some months since his wife, Vivian, passed away, but the day of their anniversary felt like the wound was reopened.
David started drinking heavily after Vivian’s death. He’d come home late, always working long hours now, and sink into the couch. Empty, crushed cans surrounded his feet in a circle. Eventually, once he couldn’t force down another drink, he’d trudge back to his bed, or simply slump into the couch and let sleep take hold.
With a heavy sigh, David pushed himself up from the worn couch, his footsteps heavy and uneven. He lingered in the middle of the hallway, distracted by the gentle, warm glow of a night light emanating through his daughter’s door.
David walked closer to the door and peered inside, spotting his 6-year-old daughter, Evelyn, sound asleep in her bed. Her small frame was curled up under a pink blanket with a teddy bear clutched close against her chest.
His heart skipped a beat at the sight of her. He never realized just how much she looked like her mother. She was so beautiful and dainty. In a way, it still felt like he still had his wife through the presence of his Evie.
Without thinking, David pushed open the door and quietly stepped over to her bed, careful not to wake her up. He gently stroked her silky, honey-blonde hair with his rough fingers. His gaze softened as he watched her breathe softly, looking so peaceful in her slumber.
As he leaned down to place a gentle kiss on her forehead, his hand brushed up her thigh. David hesitated for a moment before slowly gliding his hand up, feeling a strange sensation stirring in him. He felt a sense of guilt and shame wash over him, but it was immediately replaced with a want for more.
David shakily climbed into bed with Evelyn. He leaned in against her, feeling a warmth spread through his body that he hadn’t felt in a long time. Vivian’s death sucked all of that out of him, yet Evelyn made him feel the same way again.
The scent of her hair and the heat of her body against him awakened a deep feeling of desire for Evelyn which he never knew that he had. As he rested his head against hers, he couldn’t ignore the growing urge to touch her more.
He slid his trembling hands, both from the anxiety and alcohol, under Evelyn’s nightgown, his breathing growing heavy. His touch was hesitant and gentle at first, but as he became more aroused, his movements became firmer and confident. He knew deep down that what he was doing was wrong, but his mind was foggy with alcohol and lust.
Suddenly, Evelyn stirred in her sleep, and David quickly pulled his hand back, immediately feeling himself sober up. He quickly climbed out of bed and stumbled towards the door, his mind realing with guilt and self-loathing.
As David made his way back to his room, he couldn’t believe what he’d done, and wondered what else he would’ve done if he hadn’t stopped. But, despite all the shame and disgust he felt, it didn’t stop him from thinking about Evelyn as he relieved himself of his erection.
~~~
David woke up feeling the weight of his actions from the previous night. He sluggishly got out of bed and stumbled into his bathroom and spent the next 10 minutes hugging the porcelain throne as he let it all out.
As he stood up and looked at himself in the mirror, he couldn’t shake the disgust that he felt. He was a pedophile, a pervert, a failure of a father and a man. He should be in prison. It was all true.
He wanted to put an end to his feelings, the perverted imagery that crept up into his mind as he thought about his little girl, the urges, the erections. But she was like an addiction to him, and everything about her got him hooked again.
For a short moment, he considered turning himself in or seeking the help he desperately needed. But, the thought of being seperated from his daughter, the light of his life while living through this hell, was unacceptable. He tried to justify it to himself, Vivian would have wanted him to take care of their daughter, and he was only showing her how much he loved her, just in a different way.
But deep down, he knew that it was all bullshit, undeniable by the way the guilt was already making him feel. His hands shook, his heart raced, and his chest hurt as he struggled to breathe. He wanted to be a good father, truly, but that didn’t seem very possible anymore.
After having his first breakdown, of many, for the day, he staggered into the kitchen and made himself a pot of coffee, he’d need multiple cups.
~~~
“Daddy, what where you doing in my room last night?” Evelyn asked with a mouthful of cereal while kicking her little legs.
David nearly choked on his cup of coffee, “Ah—what do you mean, babygirl?” He tried to keep his voice calm and steady, but it felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest.
“I woke up last night and you were by my bed,” Evelyn casually said.
David felt a lump form in his throat as he tried to come up with an answer. “I was just checking on you, sweetheart. You know how you get nightmares,” he put on a fake, warm smile.
Evelyn seemed to accept his answer, and she went back to eating her cereal without another word. David turned around to pour more creamer in his coffee, struggling to even face her.
He wanted so desperately to just pretend that it was a dream, but he knew better. He knew what he did was something a father never should’ve done. His hands shivered as he mixed the spoon in the mug.
As David mixed his coffee for much longer than he needed to, he heard the sound of footsteps approaching. He turned to see Caleb, his oldest son, walking into the kitchen.
“Morning,” Caleb yawned, grabbing a box of cereal from the cabinet.
“Morning,” David mumbled back.
Caleb glanced a curious look at his dad, sensing that something was off, but carried on. He grabbed a bowl and poured the cereal into it.
“I’m going to be working late again, I need you to watch your sister,“ David said.
“I told you I’m going out with my friends today!” Caleb blurted out.
“I don’t care! Just do it. That’s all I ask of you,” David squeezed the handle of his mug. “And go wake up your brothers.”
Caleb scoffed and rolled his eyes, but left the dining room, he knew arguing with his dad was pointless. He made his way down the hallway towards his twin brothers’ bedroom.
As he pushed open the door, Caleb was surprised to find Nathaniel and Noah sharing the same bed. They had bunk beds, but they clearly elected to sleep in the same bottom bed. He had always known that the twins were close, but he’d never seen them sleep in the same bed before.
“Hey faggots, wake up,” Caleb grumbled, pushing slightly at Nathaniel’s shoulder.
Nathaniel stirred and groaned, but eventually sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, while Noah jolted awake at the sound of Caleb’s voice.
“You guys slept through your alarm. Hurry up,” Caleb urged gruffly as he turned for the door, completely ignoring the strangeness of the situation.
After a quiet breakfast, all the kids finished getting ready. David quickly finished his coffee and put on his work jacket before gathering his things.
“Alright, everyone ready?” David called out, trying to act as normal as possible.
The younger three kids all piled into the car, with Noah in the passenger seat and the others in the back. The atmosphere in the car was tense and awkward. David’s eyes didn’t waver from the road, while Noah and Nathaniel repeatedly glanced at each other.
David dropped off Noah and Nathaniel at their middle school without any trouble. The twins were always well behaved—well, Noah was. But, as he pulled up to Evelyn’s school, he felt his uneasy feelings for her growing stronger. He turned to face Evelyn, who was looking out the window.
David took a deep breath and steadied his voice, “Hey, Evie, give Daddy a kiss before you go,” he said softly, lacking confidence in his request.
Evelyn’s eyes lit up and she leaned in, having to rest her hands on David’s shoulder to get close. As Evelyn gave him a big, loud kiss on the cheek, he felt heat rush to his face.
Putting a hand on her back, David slid it down further than was appropriate for a dad. “Have fun at school, bun,” David said, planting a kiss on her forehead. “I love you.”
Evelyn beamed at her dad with a smile that gave him butterflies. “I love you too, Daddy!” she replied cheerfully.
He didn’t want to let her go, but they’d been parked outside the school for a while already. As Evelyn gathered her things and prepared to leave the car, David watched her closely. He couldn’t help but stare at Evelyn as she skipped away, his eyes tracing every inch of her little body.