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Humans really underestimated a good demon’s daily workload.
If Shane was being entirely honest, in hindsight, he should’ve picked any other job. He could’ve made a great barista somewhere in the less uncomfortable pits of hell, but no, he had to try and get to the top, had to be ambitious about it, had to become one of the strongest demons of the workforce.
Sigh. Capitalism really did suck everyone in.
As soon as he handed one file in, he already had the next one on his desk, slightly steaming from the eternal flames and always promising overtime.
Drag this poor fucker to hell. Corrupt this pure soul. Tempt this indecisive motherfucker. Scare this lost woman literally to death.
So he really wasn’t too shocked, once he had blown off the ashes of the smoldering paper, that he was yet again assigned some of the dirty work.
“Kiss one Ryan Bergara,” Shane muttered under his breath. “Okay. Sure. How hard can that be? If I hurry, I’ll be back by tea time.”
Ryan Bergara was not exactly what Shane had imagined. For one, he wasn’t a blushing, innocent virgin like the sort Shane usually was sent to seduce. He was young, yes, all wide-eyed and with slightly sweaty hands, as he greeted Shane, but he seemed more like a classic college dudebro than some untouched soul ready to be dragged to hell.
And hell, Shane was no expert, of course, but he’d bet his horns on him having had sex before.
Because he was pretty . Shane liked to choose an unsuspecting form, an average one that looked harmless and a little lanky, eyes all soft, hair a little floppy, limbs a little too long. But next to Ryan he felt almost a little underdressed.
Should he have gone with a woman instead? Maybe a really busty one? Ryan looked like the type who was into that, to be quite honest. Urgh. So many calculations had gone wrong. So much he needed to adjust and-
“Hey, uh,” Ryan lowered his voice, leaning in. “Just how tall are you dude? I don’t think I’ve ever seen legs this long.” He was looking him up and down and Shane could see his tongue darting out, licking over his lips unconsciously.
Nevermind. This was going to be a piece of cake.
Shane did not make it home by tea time. In fact, it had been months now and he still wasn’t home. It wasn’t his fault, really. Ever since the new Privacy Policy in the darkest pits of hell, changing bodies after claiming one was a hassle - so much paperwork. He’d rather spend more time on Earth, with the cute little orange cat he had acquired, than make slightly weird, awkward but sweet Shane Madej disappear and put some hot woman into Ryan’s life instead.
So now he was kind of stuck trying to gayly seduce a guy who built pillow walls between them in an attempt to physically manifest “no homos”.
No, really. What was this? Pre-school?
Well, no, it wasn’t. He knew this for a fact, because when he’d inserted himself neatly into Ryan’s life, he’d done so in an - allegedly - adult job. He could do some silly internet videos, he’d thought. Sit in front of a camera, trying out different cakes? Easy! Test friends? No problem.
What he hadn’t been prepared for, when Ryan finally did turn to his desk with the force of those wide, brown puppy eyes completely focused on Shane, was-
Well…
“Do you want to go ghost hunting with me?”
And it was funny. A little bit ridiculous, most of the time, absolutely headache inducing, maybe. Frustrating, because Ryan just wasn’t listening, of course. But funny.
The way he screamed his way through the Sallie House while Shane laughed and laughed. Didn’t he know that hell’s strongest demon wasn’t waiting for him in this puny little house, but was one he had invited into the show, into his hotel room - and for movie night on Fridays?
Sallie was, in fact, quite lovely company. She kept mostly to herself, quirked an eyebrow whenever Ryan had a screaming fit and didn’t touch the torchlights - pinky promise.
And if Shane maybe sometimes messed with them a little in her stead, just to mess with Ryan, well that was all part of the plan, of course. Scare the poor boy enough and he’d throw himself at Shane, right? Wasn’t that why humans took their partners to see horror movies?
(Actually, he had tried that with Ryan too. Didn’t work so well. They both had fun watching them though, so it had become somewhat of a tradition.)
And it almost worked. Because at night, when the rest of the film crew had taken off and Sallie was snoring in her favorite armchair, Ryan was still terrified of the shadows and little cracks of the old house. And he finally, finally gave in, rolling straight into the safety of Shane’s arms - dragging his sleeping bag next to him and curling up next to his inconspicuous human form, feeling - ironically - safer with Shane.
Shane gave him a minute to adjust, then wrapped his arms around him, silently celebrating when Ryan let him. He shifted a little closer, bridging whatever distance was left between them and Ryan still let him, even leaned into him, forehead bumping against his chest.
Okay, okay, this was it, Shane thought excitedly. One little kiss and he could finally go home.
He let his head sink a little, lips brushing the shell of Ryan’s ear, wandering over to his own lips and just before they touched, he felt a firm shove against his chest, throwing him off.
“Wh- what are you doing, man?” Ryan asked, sitting up and staring at Shane like he had seen an actual ghost.
“Uhhh,” said Shane, unsure what had just happened. He’d had him, right? He could practically still taste Ryan’s breath on his lips. Could still feel the warmth of his body in his arms. He’d leaned in. He was sure he had to have known what was happening. Right?
Apparently not, because his hands were moving frantically as he kept talking, nervous rambling slowly thickening the air between them.
“Look, I- I’m just not into you that way. Or any guy, really. I don’t- I don’t really do that. I’m sorry if you thought-”
“Sorry,” Shane quickly interrupted him because this was painful to listen to even for him. Poor repressed homosexuals. Wasn’t it the 21st century? Had no one told this sweet little frat bro that it was safe to come out now?
Well. To be fair. Humans were deliciously evil, so maybe he could understand him a little.
“I misread. Won’t- won’t happen again.”
Except it really really had to, if he wanted to get this damn assignment done before his tail froze off.
Ryan’s anxious glance followed him into the dark, even as the little guy subtly shifted a little away from him before lying back down. Not far enough to be offensive or even malicious. It hadn’t taken Shane long to know that Ryan wasn’t like that. Not long at all, actually. Against all common human atrocities, he stood like a glowing light. Which was typical for the type of person Shane was sent to seduce, of course but also… So unexpected.
Ryan was like a walking cliché for toxic masculinity, really, except for all the ways he wasn’t. And maybe that one was on Shane. Maybe he’d been a little bit too quick to judge, too jaded by what he had learned about humans over time. This one had surprised him. A lot, at that.
In fact, even now, Ryan was still lying with his face to Shane, smiling warmly now. Comfortably discussing the situation like it was nothing.
“Honestly,” he told him between yawns. “I can’t believe you even have time to think about shit like that in this place. Don’t you feel the cold?”
Shane supposed he meant the imaginary cold he suspected Sallie and an army of ghosts to exude, but actually - yes, yes he was. Outside of hell, Shane always felt a slight chill on his skin. It was actually quite nice.
Nothing against eternal flames of hell, but sometimes they were a bit much.
(Though California summers certainly came close to home. Shame Ryan couldn’t live somewhere in Illinois or something.)
“There’s nothing here, Ryan,” he said, sure to lower his voice so Sallie wouldn’t get offended - she had always been a little petty. “Go to sleep.”
Ryan didn’t go to sleep. He was pacing the room like a crazy person, lay awake to wait for some demon hour that allegedly happened in the middle of the night (demons liked to sleep just as much as humans, thank you very much), and then fled out of the house, all while Sallie was fast asleep and snoring peacefully.
Well.
Probably not anymore, now that Ryan was yelling insults at her while racing down the hallway.
Shane was rolling his eyes, dead tired and a little irked but he still couldn’t help the soft smirk spreading on his face.
Bloody Ryan Bergara. He was a lot, certainly, but Shane couldn’t deny that he was kind of cute.
Weirdly, Ryan didn’t pull back. Shane had expected him to at least be a little apprehensive after almost being kissed, but he just jumped right into it instead. Went to dinners with Shane. Spent his breaks with him. Spent their work hours with him. They started doing a little Q&A show to add to the episodes - Ryan’s idea. They made movie night at Shane’s a regular thing - Ryan’s idea.
And one day, when he was working far too late again and Shane gently tried to drag him off his table, he opened up to him with heavy eyes and thick rings beneath them.
“I think Sallie followed me home, man.”
Shane opened his mouth. Closed it again. Sighed.
“Oh, Ryan- Come on man, you’re just freaked out.”
“No, I swear. I know you don’t believe in that stuff, but I keep dreaming of her. And there’s a weird feeling all over my apartment. I am actually considering getting it cleansed, dude.”
“Tell you what,” Shane sighed. “We’re doing movie night at your place tonight. I’ll prove to you there’s nothing there.”
The thing about Sallie was: She could be petty. She could also be a little resentful. Ryan really didn’t need to insult her as they left the house. That was maybe playing with fire a little. Or in Sallie’s case: Ice.
So yeah, when they entered Ryan’s house, the one thing immediately apparent to Shane was that, yes, the kid had a point. This was definitely demon infested. As evidenced by Sallie sitting on Ryan’s kitchen counter, dangling her feet and grinning at Shane when he entered.
Shane rolled his eyes.
“ Unnecessary ,” he told her while grabbing beers for himself and Ryan. “ Can’t kiss the guy while he’s terrified of a demon on his ass, now, can I? Go home. ”
She crooked her head, looking at him through black, hollowed eyes.
“You have horrible taste,” she told him.
“Not like I picked him,” Shane grumbled and opened the bottles. “Besides, I really don’t think so. He’s pretty. He’s hot. He’s pretty hot. Whatever. Get lost.”
“He called me a motherfucker,” Sallie pointed out sullenly.
“He calls me that five times a day, it’s how he shows his love.”
Sallie glanced at the door to the living room, then back at Shane.
“If that’s how he shows his love, why isn’t he kissing you yet? Seems like you’re lying.”
Shane was getting a little pissy now, steel entering his voice as he whipped out his demonic authority. He didn’t need the reminder of his failure, thank you very much.
“You can either go voluntarily or I make you. Plus, he’s considering calling an exorcist, so you know. All around, not a whole lot of pleasant prospects in your future here.”
Sallie rolled her eyes and then disappeared with a pouf, leaving Ryan’s apartment unhaunted. Shane sighed. The idiot was probably still going to pay for an expensive cleansing and Shane wouldn’t be able to hang out here for several weeks.
Great.
Unsolved sort of exploded. He hadn’t expected it, but something about their dynamic apparently worked. Before Shane knew what was happening, he was being dragged to the wildest locations in search of ghosts that didn’t exist.
(They just weren’t a thing, okay? Demons, yes, but rarely did Ryan actually stumble over something demon infested. Ghosts? Nope. Souls either got sucked into heaven or hell or were reborn to go another round. Souls with unfinished business were going to have to fill out the paperwork like anyone else. There were applications. There were fees. Heaven and Hell took their bureaucracy very seriously.)
It wouldn’t be so bad, still, if it wasn’t for the goddamn spirit box. It was loud and annoying and Shane had to actually shield his thoughts so they didn’t project and send Ryan on a wild goose hunt.
And then Ryan started building the pillow walls between them in their beds and okay. This was somewhat offensive, actually. This was close to being rude. Now Shane was done playing nice. He wanted ghosts? He could have ghosts .
The next location that Ryan used the spirit box, Shane smirked, focused his thoughts in the protecting darkness around them, and made it spit out a semi-cohesive “ Ryan… help me… Ryan… ”
And hah. That night, Ryan didn’t build any pillow walls. He didn’t even try to put any distance between them. He wasn’t even trying to involve Shane in some stalling debate he always did when he didn’t want him to fall asleep on him. He was just lying next to him, quietly trembling, until Shane had mercy on him and wrapped him into his arms again.
No more attempts at kissing, at least not now. WIth a long-suffering sigh, Shane admitted to himself, that this one was going to have to be a slowburn.
“You know,” said Ryan one night, in a particularly dusty old prison cell, waiting for the spirit box to spit out any noise - any at all - that wasn’t currently causing Shane a massive fucking headache. “I’m just really glad you’re here with me, man.”
“Mhm-mh,” responded Shane, unsure whether or not he was audible over the crackling of the radio and not caring a whole lot. Right now, it was a bit tough to return the compliment - or at least claim that he was glad to. Or breathe, for that matter. God, this place stank. You’d think if you actually believed in ghosts being real, they’d haunt a less shitty, desolate venue.
“You okay, Shane?”
He had to hand it to Ryan - he sounded genuinely concerned. Not for his shitty-ass confession not being returned, but for Shane, leaning forward, those brown eyes as warm and expressive as ever and with a sigh, Shane sat himself a bit more upright, forcing out a smile.
“I’m fine, little guy,” he said, the nickname just kind of slipping out. “I think the hot dogs I had were bad, maybe.”
Ryan’s lips twitched. By now, Shane thought he had a fairly good grasp on him. A couple abandoned, run down houses and - even worse - overcrowded airports far too early in the morning, did that to people. And he had learned that a surefire way to make him laugh was… well…
“You’re telling me you gotta take a dump right now?” Ryan giggled. “In here?”
Humans had such crude senses of humor.
Still, Shane couldn’t resist a little smirk. Ryan had that sort of laugh that always drew him in, contagious even in the worst situations. It even seemed to drown out the noise of the spirit box, seemed to soothe Shane’s headache and the efforts in which he held his own energy back from spilling over onto it.
“Oh, this is great. I’m suffering, and you’re having a laugh.”
“Dude, there’s like, sweat on your brow,” Ryan brought out between giggle fits. “You look like you’re doing some heavy lifting there.”
“Well, the atmosphere is not exactly helping,” sighed Shane. “It’s all I can think about.”
Ryan shifted a little closer to him, and the cawing of the spirit box drew louder but Shane figured it was okay, because warm hands clapped his back amicably, and Ryan leaned his head against his neck, let it rest on his shoulder, still shaking silently from laughter.
“We’ll hurry,” he promised him. “We’re not getting a whole lot anyway.”
When Shane turned his head, he could see the fine, black lines of his eyelashes right next to his face. They were all cabled up and the cameras were still running and somewhere in the back was the crew, laughing. Shane knew this wasn’t the time to try his luck again, but his puny human heart was still beating against his puny human chest, convincing the demon inside that he should do so anyway.
Funny. Odd. He hadn’t thought much of it, at the time, because Shane never did. But out of all the humans to be tasked to seduce, this one really wasn’t the worst of all choices. He had really nice lips. And a very pretty smile. Good cheekbones. And very soft, warm cheeks, currently pressing against Shane’s neck, making him lose focus for just a tiny little moment.
“Kiss me!” croaked the spirit box.
Ryan immediately sat up straight and was cackling as he tried to address the imaginary ghost apparently flirting with them, while Shane felt the loss of him immediately. He tried to fight down the annoying blush creeping up in his cheeks and did his very best not to feel sick about how this part was probably going to be cut out of the video, solely because it would show Ryan cuddling up to him.
He tried his luck in the hotel room that same night. Ryan had been so touchy and affectionate in the prison and after a lengthy period of pretending to have just had the shit of his life, he was still snorting into their mattress.
Shane really couldn’t have gotten more lucky when it came to their profession - Buzzfeed was cheap, so they kept ending up sharing not only hotel rooms, but also their beds. Ryan had half of the blanket thrown over his body, Shane a sheet that only left his feet poking out as he lay on his side, watching Ryan try to get to sleep. He was still spooked, still a little frantic in his turns and tosses, but Shane could feel him slowly come down.
Honestly, he could say a lot about Ryan, most notably the fact that he was currently lying with his face flat on the mattress because he had used his pillow as an improvised wall between them, but he was a brave little guy. Shane had it easy, because not only did he know that ghosts weren’t a thing, he was also properly the most powerful creature in this realm - he had nothing to worry about. Ryan, though, he was terrified of every single thing they didn’t encounter, terrified of every owl screeching in the night, of every creak of an old floorboard, and still put himself through that every single time.
He was probably going to die an early death because of heart attacks and would need three consecutive therapies once he was done with Unsolved, but. Well. Sometimes Shane couldn’t stop himself from wondering what it felt like, to have such unwavering belief and determination. It was impressive, really, what passion could make such a little human do.
Shane wondered if he’d ever feel that devoted to anything in his existence.
“You’re feeling okay?” he asked into the dark. Shane’s eyes had no problem seeing in the night, so he kept them firmly on Ryan, watched his eyes flutter open with obvious relief on his face.
“I think so?” he said, not sounding sure at all. “I just feel like something… stuck to me, I don’t know. Do you think it’s cold in here? I think it’s cold.”
“We could turn on the heating,” said Shane.
“Not my point.”
“No, I know,” Shane sighed. “You know, if a ghost followed you out, we probably won’t see anything. I am proven to be ghost-immune, right? They don’t show their faces around me.”
It sounded a little shaky, but Ryan still chuckled.
“Yeah, that sure has proven correct so far. I don’t know man. Don’t you ever just feel… watched?”
“There’s a camera in our faces for the majority of our lives now,” Shane reminded him gently. “There’s fans dissecting every single thing we do online. Of course I feel watched - of course you do.” He nudged Ryan gently when he didn’t respond. “Hey. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I don’t know how you do it,” Ryan said after a little while, his voice uncharacteristically timid. “Sometimes I feel like I’m playing a role three sizes too big for me.”
“That’s not too hard,” Shane replied instinctively. “You’re very short.”
“Fuck you,” said Ryan but he was laughing. “I’m normal-sized, you’re just a fucking giant.”
He was still laughing when he shifted a little closer to Shane, movements so subtle and quiet, he probably thought he didn’t notice. If he hadn’t had his nightvision, he might not have. As things were, Shane gently bumped his leg against Ryan’s and turned his head, smiling when he realized how close their faces were to each other. Showtime! He was basically on his way home already!
“You’ll grow into it, Ry. I think you’re doing amazing.”
“Yeah?” asked Ryan and he sounded so vulnerable, it made Shane’s heart flutter in a way he hadn’t felt before. Damn human form and their flaws. If he was going to get a heart attack before Ryan did, he was going to be so pissed.
“Yeah,” he promised him and leaned in, just a little, just enough to feel Ryan’s breath on his lips. And for a moment he thought that was finally it, but then Ryan turned around and rolled away from Shane, curling his blanket a little tighter around himself.
“Maybe we should turn on the heating,” he said. “It’s drafty here.”
Shane didn’t move for a long time, still staring at the empty spot of the pillow wall that had been pressed flat from Ryan’s weight, the only indicator that he hadn’t dreamed that almost-encounter, while Ryan continued to blatantly pretend their gay tension wasn’t happening.
Not to blaspheme on Christ’s favorite work of figure sculpturing that was Earth, but Jesus fuck , he knew he should’ve taken that succubus course in college when he had the chance. Human history classes be damned.
“I just don’t get it,” he told Sara over drinks. “It’s not even that he’s an asshole about it. One second I think ‘this is it, he definitely wants me’ and the next he turns away and pretends he didn’t notice me trying to smash faces.”
Sara almost choked on her straw. She wasn’t in human form often, so he couldn’t really blame her. Daiquiris had been a tough thing to get used to for him, too, at first. Freezing, a bit uncomfortable in his throat, thick like a milkshake but with the alcohol leaving a pleasant burn as he swallowed it down. Delicious, though.
“Uhh,” she said, those pretty new eyes of hers still glowing faintly the way he was used to, as she widened them to stare at him. “Maybe he’s- maybe he’s scared?”
“Of what? Little old me?”
“Nothing little about you this time around,” she smirked and Shane smirked right back.
He’d always liked Sara. They’d hooked up a couple of times, human and demon forms alike, but they also had strict policies of none of that happening when the other was currently seducing someone else for work. It just made things messy, every single time. You mixed up where they liked to be touched. Muttered the wrong name softly under your breath. Once Sara had actually killed a guy because she was so used to demon sex - awkward affair, that. She’d been ordered to do only paperwork for a century or two after that.
“Maybe he doesn’t like tall guys,” Shane muttered, more to himself than Sara, and drowned his sorrows with another sip from his drink, feeling the alcohol go straight to his human brain and then shivered when the ice gave him a little brain freeze. “But then why does he keep giving me signals!”
“Do you… I mean, is it really wise to keep trying so hard, though?” Sara asked, concern in her voice.
Shane eyed her with disbelief.
“What else am I going to do?” he asked her, voice strained and Sara simply did that thing again where she stared at him quietly for a very long moment.
“Uh,” she finally said. “So you mentioned he’s pretty. Just how pretty are we talking here? Because this seems on another level.”
“So pretty,” Shane replied with a groan, head meeting the counter momentarily as he tried not to think about Ryan’s breathtaking smile. “And the worst thing is, that I think he’s started to work out? So now those noodle arms are getting toned and you know I love buff guys. And he has tanned skin. That’s just unfair. And his hair is growing a bit longer, so now it’s-”
“Okay, okay, I heard enough,” Sara sighed, raising both hands. “Have you considered to just, uh, get the job done? One swift move and you’re free? Before you grow attached, I mean.”
Shane put his glass down on the counter, offended.
“I’m not growing attached!”
“You seem a little attached,” Sara offered. “You’ve spent the last hour or so whining about this Ryan guy not wanting to kiss you and-”
The door to the bar opened and in slid, like a figment of Shane’s overactive imagination freshly summoning him into the room, Ryan. He looked around the joint for a moment and headed straight for the counter with his hands in his pockets. Shane could see the exact moment when his gaze lit up as he spotted Shane sitting there. Could see the exact moment they darkened when his gaze fell upon Sara, just for a tiny moment, before he greeted them amicably, wouldn’t let it show.
So, yeah, no. That man definitely wanted him. Shane knew that. He just wasn’t sure Ryan did.
“Hey,” he greeted Ryan back, sliding off his chair, then realizing there was no need for that and awkwardly climbing back up, pointedly ignoring Sara’s raised eyebrow. “Hi. Didn’t expect to meet you here.”
“I was feeling like going out,” said Ryan, eyes drifting to Sara again. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”
“You’re not,” Shane assured him swiftly. “This is Sara, my friend , Sara. Sara, this is Ryan.”
“Oh. Huh. Hello. Nice to meet you.” She offered him a perfectly manicured hand and Ryan shook it with a smile, all of his earlier scorn evaporated. Then she turned to Shane. “You’re right, he is pretty.”
“Oh. Uhm.” Ryan looked from Sara to Shane, eyes widening, then quickly excused himself for a moment, chasing down the barkeeper to order himself some drinks, and that’s when Sara leaned over to Shane, dark eyes twinkling with amusement.
“You should do it now. Because you’ll absolutely grow attached. He is your type.”
“I can’t just do it now,” Shane hissed, trying to ignore the nervous racing of his treacherous heart.
“Oh, you’re really in it now, Shane,” she chuckled.
He absolutely was not.
He so was.
Shane wasn’t sure how this was happening. The years raced by and Shane was still here, filming silly little ghost hunt videos and speculating about aliens. He wasn’t even really getting bored of it. If anything, he was looking forward to all the trips they took together. If anything, he enjoyed the banter he had comfortably grown into with Ryan. If anything , he had started his own silly little side show, both in Unsolved and for the Buzzfeed channel himself. Sat at home with Obi on his lap and worked on a ridiculous amount of sound files just to tease Ryan. Oh, he had carved himself a neat little place in Ryan’s life.
He’d met his parents. They were warm, funny people, just like Ryan was. They’d stuffed him with food and greeted him like a second (third - he’d also met Ryan’s brother Jake) son.
They went to movie nights on the regular now, whether they met in either of their apartments or went to the theaters together. They went eating together, wherever their whimsy took them. Ryan was ridiculously enthusiastic about theme parks, so Shane took him to Disney World for his birthday, a date which he could, ridiculously, remember by heart. That was all part of the job, of course.
Except for all the ways it wasn’t, not really, not anymore. Because while there had been other, a little pathetic attempts to make a move, it had all been pushed a little in the background, the whole “kiss Ryan and go home” thing and turned into a pleasant “kissing Ryan would be nice, but home is where Obi and my blu-rays are”. And sometimes, it really was just a very persistent, loud, “hell, kissing Ryan would be nice !”.
So yeah. When Ryan one day asked him if he was willing to come with him to a demon-infested bridge in the middle of a dark forest that was supposedly full of cultists looking for human and animal sacrifices, it wasn’t really a question. Even if Shane had been human, he’d said yes. Evidence showed that he, apparently, was going to follow Ryan absolutely everywhere.
“You’re down so bad,” Sara told him the night before they left.
“I am not,” said Shane, just to spite her, even though he so was.
“What are you going to do once he meets some pretty girl?”
Cry, probably.
“Kill her and keep doing my job,” Shane told her firmly.
“Riiiight,” Sara snorted into her beer. “Because that’s what your job entails. Killing her .”
“Can’t kiss Ryan Bergara with some lady on his tails. I’m sure the office would forgive me.”
“The office is not in a very forgiving mood, lately,” Sara reminded him gently. “It’s been over a year, Shane. They’re getting impatient. There’s even talk about sending someone else to get the job done.”
It really wasn’t Shane’s fault. Sometimes, demon powers spiked unexpectedly. Everyone could’ve shattered the glass they were holding like that.
It just happened to be Shane.
“I don’t need anyone else to do the job,” he hissed, trying to ban the image of some other demon kissing Ryan from his mind, as rage was still fresh and hot in his chest, causing a storm. “I’ve got it covered.”
“Sure,” Sara said, fishing glass shards out of her locks. “Clearly.”
The Goatman had always been one of Shane’s least favorite acquaintances. This wasn’t even the first time he tried to snatch a job from him - everyone knew the guy was out for his job. Still.
This was another level of fucked up. Ryan didn’t even know. He kept refusing to address him, kept trembling and being generally so much more scared than he’d been ever before when filming (maybe apart from the Sallie House). He kept glancing down the bridge, as if he was expecting a dark, goat-headed shape to appear and eat him. As if the bloody bastard wasn’t right behind him already, breathing down his neck and smirking at Shane. Always taunting him, the damn goat.
Shane had acted on instinct. The thing was - just kissing a target without their consent didn’t work. You had to properly make them want it for it to count as corrupting the soul. But he still felt better with Shane’s protection between the Goatman and Ryan, so he set it up anyway. Felt better after “testing” out Ryan’s holy water gun and actually infusing it with some of his power so that it would actually hurt any attacking demon.
Ryan wouldn’t notice. He barely ever did. He was too busy spreading salt around them in a circle and setting down an ouija board like the little, superstitious moron that Shane knew and loved so much. The Goatman watched, his arms crossed before his chest and his eyes narrowed, while absolutely nothing happened.
“Tell you what,” Shane smirked, eyes flitting up to his demonic colleague just once, short enough for no one to notice. “You don’t give us an answer now, the bridge is ours.”
Ryan looked up to him, eyes wide, even as his lips twitched in the first attempt of a smile that night.
“Oh yeah?” he asked. “You want to risk that, Goatman?”
Hah, thought Shane, satisfaction spreading hot in his chest. That was his fearless little soldier - finally addressing the demon like he should be addressed: With mocking rather than respect.
“Yeah, Goatman. You want me to take that bridge of yours? If you don’t, you’re going to have to speak up, buddy.”
“ What the hell are you doing? ” growled the Goatman, his otherworldly voice only audible to Shane. “ You know this is my bridge! I worked hard for my reputation here! ”
“Sucks to suck,” Shane said out loud, making Ryan giggle.
“He’s not saying anything.”
“Guess it’s our bridge now.”
“ Shane, I am going to report you! You’re not trying to get the job done, you are actively working against- ”
“ I have a plan ,” growled Shane on another plane, hiding his anger with his back turned to the cameras and Ryan, as he seemingly stared out at the sea. “ I don’t need you to do the job! I need you to back off. I’m never going to kiss him with you stinking up the entire place! ”
Goatman growled again.
“ What in hell are you talking about? You’ve lost what was left of your mind. I’ll report you. ”
What a fucking pencil pusher.
“ You do that, see if I care, ” he growled and then, out loud, he said,
“Well, it looks like this is Shane’s and Ryan’s bridge now. Sucker.”
Report or not, what did it matter? Once Shane was done here, the cameras had caught his legacy for everyone to see. The fans weren’t going to let Goatman forget about this one. He smiled at Ryan, who had gotten so much braver over the course of the night and was now shakily smiling back at him, and something warm seemed to clog up his throat for a moment.
Their legacy. Together.
For a bit there, Shane almost believed they’d be okay. That this was how this was going to go, eventually. Ryan stopped building pillow walls between them, which was a good sign. Sometimes Ryan fell asleep with his head in Shane’s lap. More often than not, he slept on the plane with his head on Shane’s shoulder. They were inseparable. It was “Ryan and Shane” no matter what, in the office, when they went out for drinks, in both their slowly merging friend and family circles.
Ryan got himself some meds to cope with his cat allergy (an unfortunate fact Shane had overread when skimming through his file, and now he sadly would kill absolutely the entire population of Earth before he let go of Obi). The fans were going crazy, picking up the tension between them that was clearly there. Picking up on every lovestruck gaze they gave each other. Every flirty joke and banter, every single time they let a bit go too far.
They created their blogs and tweets and fan videos, called the whole thing “Shyan” and lit a fire none of them could put out again.
Their friend and co-worker TJ told them to just let it go on and not acknowledge it - it was apparently good for the views. And Shane really didn’t mind it at all.
(And if he secretly followed a few of them for inspiration, well, that was just him being a dedicated worker.)
And then Ryan kicked his foot beneath the table at Taco Bell one day, as a distraction from stealing his fries (didn’t work, but Shane let him do it anyway) and said, “so I met a woman the other day” and Shane’s entire world fucking crumbled .
“Huh?” he managed to cough out, suddenly finding himself choking on one of his fries. “W-what woman?”
“Her name’s Helen,” said Ryan softly. “She’s so beautiful man, I thought I couldn’t breathe.”
Holy fuck.
“You ever had that, when you see someone for the first time and you immediately think ‘wow, I have to get to know them’?”
Yeah. Yeah. Shane was fairly sure that he had.
“Uh.”
“That’s kind of what it’s like with her. She’s so…. I don’t know. Funny. I always knew I needed a funny partner, you know?”
Shane was funny. So far, Shane had always managed to make Ryan laugh, right? He felt something hot and heavy settle in the pit of his stomach, dragging him down painfully. Right?
“She gave me her number. That’s- I mean.” Ryan gave him a look. “You don’t think it’s risky, is it? I mean. With the whole Youtube stuff blowing up the way it does?”
Risky. Risky for Shane’s heart, maybe.
This burning, horrible sensation in his guts, in his chest, working his way to spread in his entire body like poison, hurting and burning and filling him with anger and bitterness, he realized with a start, had to be jealousy. He had underestimated that one, honestly.
There were familiar, warm brown eyes searching his, searching for something - and after all this time, he thought he could read Ryan effortlessly, but apparently he couldn’t, because he had no idea what he was searching for.
“I just want you to be happy, man,” he finally croaked out, because he figured that’s what was expected of him. “If she can do that, great.”
But he really wanted to know, now, all of a sudden, wanted to know more than anything else in the world, why Ryan thought he couldn’t do that too.
Ryan had always been braver in the darkness of the night. Shane wondered sometimes, how many tapes he’d made disappear or edited himself, just to cut out each and every vulnerable moment they’d ever shared, cut Shane carefully out of the public representation of his private life with a scalpel.
What an odd feeling. To display every single facet of their friendship so openly for the cameras, to exploit it for everything it was willing to give, and then still feel so dejected when the really private parts got hidden away in some dark place only Ryan could enter.
“When I was fifteen,” Ryan told him that night on location, and Shane could hear his sleeping bag rustle as he shifted a little closer, the way he always did now. “When I was fifteen, I told this guy that he was cute and he punched me in the face.”
“Huh,” said Shane, not sure where this particular story was going.
“I didn’t even mean anything by that. I was a kid. He was older than me. Almost knocked a tooth out, man. I was crying all the way home and my mom took me in her arms and she said… I don’t know. She said that some boys just weren’t ready to hear it sometimes, you know?”
Shane sure did.
“That they had to get there first, that for some boys it’s a more difficult road than others and for some it never happens.”
“Mh,” Shane hummed, pretending to be sleepy, just so he could get away with not saying more.
“And she told me not to give up on him yet, but if he- if it seemed like maybe it would break me, that I also shouldn’t be afraid to let go eventually. Try again, with someone else.”
Ah.
Okay.
He had to hand it to Ryan - when they’d first met, he hadn’t thought the jock with the baseball caps and sneaker collection would be ever so, so sweet. Maybe Shane had had a very stiff, categorized view of humans before he’d met Ryan. Maybe he’d opened up a lot since. Maybe he’d discovered a lot of newfound respect for the human race, between all the creative, passionate people in their office and in their friend groups that Ryan had dragged into his life. Shane’s human existence had been an empty box and Ryan had filled it with so many surprises and fantastic people and warmth.
But he’d never expected to be rejected so gently. As if Ryan had taken that pillow wall down, just to use it to feather the fall.
Shane was a demon, though, he wasn’t human. He didn’t allow himself to shatter, no matter how deep the fall and how hard the ground.
“She’s smart, your mum,” he yawned. “Shame mine never told me that.”
“I just mean-”
“I think,” Shane said because he was sure Ryan couldn’t see his face and for some human children, that meant Shane couldn’t see his either, even though he quite literally could, if he just turned his head to look there (he didn’t). “I think you got punched in the face with fifteen for liking a boy and now you’re scared and jumping at the first safe opportunity you see. That’s fine, Ryan. Good luck with that.”
Ryan didn’t say anything for the remainder of the night, even though Shane could hear from his breathing that he was still awake too. Shane knew him inside and out. The way his breathing sounded when he slept, the way his face always gave away what he thought and felt. He knew where his jokes went before he even spoke the first word. Knew every single anecdote and collected the ones he didn’t like Ryan collected his stupid ass rootbeer bottles.
What a joke, to tell him to let go. What a stab into an open wound, to tell him that he was going to be holding onto something that was going to break him. Like Shane didn’t know. Like he wasn’t watching his ticket home slip away.
Like he didn’t feel like he was losing something so much more valuable.
“You’re not even my type,” Ryan said, several hours later, when he probably thought Shane was fast asleep, not knowing him half as well as he knew Ryan, clearly.
He was so full of shit.
“The only way I could be more your type was if I turned translucent and started haunting your apartment.”
It wasn’t really meant to make him laugh, but maybe Shane had just internalized Ryan’s humor so much, had gotten so used to smoothing over tension with jokes, that it did so anyway. The sound of Ryan’s laughter shouldn’t feel like soothing ointment on his burning skin, but it did.
“I just don’t know how you do it, Shane. Like, of course I’m scared. Of course I am, man. You’re so unapologetically yourself, but I just- I just can’t. I don’t want to get metaphorically punched in the face by the public.”
“It’s fine. Settle for Helen. See what happiness it gives you. But I don’t know, Ry. For someone making a living out of facing your fears, I just- I don’t know how much more of your life you want to spend living in fear, is all.”
He wanted to sound angry, but he just sounded tired. He was a demon, he wasn’t usually wrapped up in human emotion, in human soul-searching, but now here he was. And it was ugly and messy and for the first time it made Shane face the harsh reality that:
- For a demon, he was terrifyingly non-confronting. He really didn’t want to upset Ryan. He didn’t even want to fight. He just wanted to speak his mind, hope that he listened and then go to sleep.
- Some time during the past couple years he’s spent on this planet, he’d fallen in love with Ryan.
- Ryan had been busy spending that same time talking himself out of being in love with him.
Now who exactly was corrupting whom here?
“Told you to just go for it before he meets a girl, didn’t I?” Sara sighed. “Just so you know, everyone downstairs declared you a nutcase. They’re comparing you to that Crowley guy that ran away to live on Earth with an Archangel or something.”
“I’m not- what even is it to them? I’m just doing the job they gave me!”
“You’re not though, are you?” Sara smirked over the rim of her glass and wow. Did she have to rub it in? Wasn’t he being punished enough by Ryan declaring that he and Helen were going to give things a try?
“Not right now,” Shane brought out through gritted teeth. “But there’s still time!”
Sara’s eyebrows could have their own names, judging by how expressive they were. Drawn together in open pity, they seemed to say “sure sure, tell yourself that buddy,” while Sara simply stayed silent for once in her life.
For a while, they sat quietly, enjoying their beers together. She was three beers in, when Sara asked, “hey, so, I’m off work for a decade or so. And while this is insane - it’s kind of funny. So if you wanted to make him jealous… I mean, it certainly worked the first time we met.”
Shane’s eyes immediately flickered to her.
“Yeah?” he asked.
Sara shrugged.
“I mean, you are paying for drinks, so it’s only fair.”
Shane, who hadn’t been aware of that until literally just now, sighed.
“It’s a deal.”
Helen was nice. Shane felt genuinely a little guilty about hating her guts.
Almost.
Hell. Shane had spent a lot of time on Earth, even before this whole Ryan escapade taking (literal) years, but never had he been on a double date before. This really could’ve gotten invented in hell. It had always seemed like absolute torture in movies and now Shane got why.
Ryan turned into another person around Helen. Not one Shane didn’t know, he knew this version of him very well, this carefully cultivated persona of a pleasant young man, of someone who was interested and sweet and just funny enough to want around. It was light-years from the Ryan he was around Shane, the one who always took the poop joke a little too far and who loved to tease him with that twinkle in his eyes, who lovingly blamed his cat for every sneeze he did around Shane, who laughed when Shane got mad because he knew it wouldn’t stick, never stuck.
He was the only one in all of Earth and Hell who had ever laughed when Shane got mad.
He doubted Ryan even noticed. Noticed that he was doing it, noticed that he was holding himself back, twisting himself into knots to be liked when someone was right there, liking him the way he was, every single chaotic piece of him.
Sara was, genuinely, the only thing keeping him together. He was glad he knew her so well, because that made it incredibly easy - slipping into her touches, exchanging familiar tones with her, whispering banter back and forth with her like they were sweet love confessions. He caught them all, every single dark glance, every sulk Ryan gifted him whenever she nudged him softly, giggling between bites. Soaked them up like a sponge.
Weird world, he had stumbled into. From the dark pits of hell straight into a human life that seemed to hinge so completely on one sole man’s approval. If this was what love did to humans, he thought he got it now - all those Taylor Swift songs suddenly made sense.
“No really,” Sara just told Helen, who, bless her, was the only one on the table not knowing what was going on. “When he was younger, he kept saying that. And everytime I would tell him, Shane, that’s not how-”
Ryan stood up so abruptly, everyone on the table immediately turned to him. His chair actually almost fell to the ground behind him, only caught by a trembling hand, as Ryan forced a smile to his face and told Helen, “sorry, just need the toilet”. Within seconds he had crossed the entire restaurant and disappeared behind the corner to the bathrooms.
“Okay. Odd. Did I say something wrong, do you think?” Helen asked, eyes big with worry and. Hell. He wanted to make her and her puppy dog eyes disappear from the face of this world.
“Tell you what, I’ll check up on him,” he told her instead, keeping his tone as pleasant as possible. It wasn’t her fault. Not really.
Sara immediately beamed, always the performer.
“Oh, you do that, honey, Helen and I are just going to have a moment between us girls.”
So Shane left behind a slightly nervous Helen and his downright devious demon friend and went to search for Ryan in the men’s toilet. Just a typical Friday evening. Just what he had pictured when he’d come up to Earth. Just how he imagined his career going.
Ryan wasn’t even pretending to actually not be waiting for him. He was leaning against the sink, arms crossed and glaring at Shane the second he entered.
“What the fuck are you doing?” he asked him, voice heavy.
“Uh,” said Shane. “Taking a leak?”
“Not in here. Also ew. I meant with Sara. You said she was a friend .”
Shane shrugged.
“Against what you seem to think, friends can become partners sometimes.”
“Oh, haha,” Ryan said as if Shane had put any humor in that statement instead of pure unadulterated bitterness. “She knows you so well man, that’s just not fair.”
Shane paused, staring at him for a moment, before he crossed his arms in front of his chest.
“You know me well,” he offered, unsure why.
Ryan snorted.
“Please. You’re a fucking mystery to the human race. I know jackshit about you. Maybe your favorite movies, and that’s about it.”
“That’s not true,” Shane told him gently.
“She’s known you since you were kids or something. How am I even supposed to-”
“To what?” Shane sighed. “Ryan… You chose Helen. This was what you wanted. Don’t pin this on me or on Sara. Of course she knows me well, that doesn’t mean that you don’t.”
Guilt, Shane realized upon further inspection. This gnawing, shameful feeling curling in the pit of his stomach had to be guilt. That was new too, he’d rarely ever gotten familiar with that. And now here it was, as natural as breathing, when Shane realized that not only had he upset Ryan, he was also lying to him. Was keeping a secret he could never tell him, unless he wanted to be drenched in holy water and exorcized.
Damn this gorgeous man and his natural (sensible) fear of demons.
“I still don’t think this is fair,” said Ryan. “Are you actually seeing her?”
“Yeah, she’s pretty,” Shane said automatically, a little joke meant to make him laugh like always, but Ryan wasn’t laughing. If anything, his sulk deepened.
“Fuck you,” he said and then, somehow, he was in Shane’s space and Shane found himself pressed against a bathroom stall and then there was alcohol breath on his lips and a strong - god when had Ryan gotten so strong? - hand on his lapels, pulling him in.
Before Shane understood what was happening, Ryan was… he was kissing him.
Shane had spent a long time imagining this very moment. First because it meant getting the job done and going home, then for entirely different, way more picturesque reasons.
None of them came close.
Ryan tasted of cheap pasta and cheaper wine, but his lips were warm and soft against Shane’s and Shane- Shane had never felt like this when kissing someone. He felt himself getting completely lost. His hand, he wasn’t even sure when he had moved it, curled up in Ryan’s soft hair, pulling him closer as a sloppy tongue slipped between his lips, met his own with a wet drag. Shane could probably try and catch it, keep it in there forever, but he found this was a lot more pleasant when he let Ryan go and then followed him. A game of cat and mouse that ended with their bodies pressed together, Ryan’s leg between his, pressing against his groin and oh- oh Hell .
He was hard in the middle of a fucking bad italian restaurant’s bathroom.
Realizing that at the exact same moment, apparently, Ryan pulled back, panting slightly and that mean twinkle in his eyes as they immediately flickered down to Shane’s crotch.
“Just something to remember me by,” he told him with a little smirk, before slipping back out.
Shane waited until the door behind him had swung shut, before he let himself sink to the ground, breathing heavily.
He could go home now. He could pack it up and go to hell. He’d gotten what he wanted. What hell had wanted.
Ryan had kissed him, a demon, from his own volition. Had succumbed to the charms of hell. Had tainted his pure soul, or whatever. He genuinely didn’t think he was all that pure to begin with. Someone who smiled at him that deviously after leaving him with such a boner, while a girl was waiting for him in the restaurant… God.
“God,” he said, raising his head as if he was looking at the sky instead of cobwebs that hadn’t been removed for at least a year. “I don’t think that’s one of yours, actually, that boy came straight from hell.”
Shane went home that night.
Home to Obi, that was. Home to the comfort of his bed, where the pillows were always cool and the cat hair sticking to them always orange. He held his cat until he fell asleep and then woke up with his face sticky and his eyes heavy.
He went to work the next morning and glared at Ryan, who looked unusually cheerful. He went home that afternoon, too. And the afternoon after. He went home every single one of the week, but he didn’t go back to hell.
He took Ryan’s file out of the cabinet to mark it as “closed”, but instead he just stared at it and then dropped it back onto his kitchen table. He tried to watch his favorite horror movies, but found he couldn’t concentrate. He touched himself every night like some lowly human and dreamt of Ryan’s lips.
Maybe he was a nutcase like that Crowley guy. Maybe he wasn’t running away with an archangel, but the next worse thing. He had fallen for a human who didn’t want him but wanted him. Fallen . Hah. And here he thought demons did that sort of thing only once. What a fucking joke. What a shitshow.
Sara was right. He should’ve just gone with it before he’d grown attached. But truth be told… he wasn’t sure when that would’ve been. The moment he’d met Ryan, he’d been attached. To his stupid sunny smile and his stupid big brown eyes and his stupid soft hair and that stupid skin, always so warm against his, and that stupid-
Aw man.
Shane buried his face in his hands and tried not to start crying.
What was he even supposed to do? He didn’t want to go back to a life without Ryan.
He certainly wanted to stay like this either.
Ryan and Helen broke up around the time Ryan suggested to him they’d start their own company together. It was a messy, stressful time. Neither he nor Ryan were particularly well organized people, but they somehow got the important stuff done (which was getting Steven Lim on board and then getting his help on doing all the other important stuff), while Ryan also processed his break up in an entirely healthy way (by spending the few hours he wasn’t spending on Shane’s couch in the fitness studio, getting even hotter) and they also filmed the last couple seasons of Unsolved.
Things should be weird but they weren’t. Ryan and he had developed this weird way of getting along even under circumstances when no sensible human being should. Shane would blame his status as what had to be now the most pathetic demon in the history of hell, but the truth was that they simply… knew each other too well to fight. Ryan knew how far to push him and Shane knew how far he should let himself be pushed. For a while, it worked. For a while, they worked amicably together, producing something that would one day be Watcher. That would one day be their legacy. That would be Shane’s new job now that he kinda, sort of, had quit his last one by just not showing up. That would be Shane’s new life .
Because he should. He should leave. But he wasn’t going to. He wasn’t going to just abandon Ryan. He’d sworn an oath, and he’d already broken an oath once, he wasn’t feeling any desire to do so again, thank you very much.
“I couldn’t be doing this with anyone else,” Ryan told him one night, when they sat around his kitchen table the way they’d done a lot lately. Planning. Pushing. Building a life together. “I’m so glad you’re on board, man.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” grinned Shane. “Steven seems to be pretty good at it.”
“Shane.”
“What?”
“Can you just- just once, can’t you just have a genuine moment with me, here?”
Shane opened his mouth to protest, then closed it again, sighing heavily.
“I- I’m glad I’m here. I don’t know anything I’d rather do than this absolutely insane attempt that might break both our necks and leave us broke and unemployed.”
Ryan grinned.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Good.”
And for a moment, there were words he hadn’t put there, right on his tongue, threatening to slip out, to spill over.
Want to try one more of those?
But he didn’t say anything. While Ryan had changed over the years, grown more confident to just comfortably be who he really was, now just wasn’t a good time. Ryan was constantly stressed out, anxious, close to a breakdown. Now was not the time to remind him that Shane was desperately in love with him.
He’d just be there for him, any way Ryan let him because- well.
That was what he was here for.
Around the time they filmed the Unsolved finale, things had finally settled down a little. They’d gotten the crew on board for that insane thing they were doing. They had plans, videos, people, an office space. Nothing was perfect and finances were tight, but they had put everything they had into Watcher and that, at the very least, made Shane feel peace. If this ship sunk, he’d given it all he had. He’d put something into Earth, something into building an actual life for himself here.
Determination, passion, devotion. They were no strangers to him anymore. Ryan had made sure of that.
They were both sad to see Unsolved go - truthfully, the entire crew was - but at the same time, he could feel the excitement tingle in the air, knew that something new was on the horizon. This was different from going case by case, meeting new people then leaving them behind. This was different from dragging pure souls into hell. This pure soul had dragged him right out of it and Shane felt like, for the first time, his heart was burning for something.
So, yeah. Whether they succeeded or not didn’t really matter because he was trying . And wasn’t that beautiful?
“Isn’t that beautiful, Sallie?” he asked her when they walked in, but she was regarding him with empty, hollowed out eyes and a mean grin on her face. That had been Ryan’s idea, of course. Full circle, starting the show how it had begun, with a rematch against Sallie.
“ Not as beautiful as he is ,” Sallie said, unheard by anyone but Shane. “ I heard there’s a nice price on his neck. ”
Okay, well, she was in a bit of a mood, clearly.
“ You’ll stay away from him ,” he hissed at her. He might not work for hell anymore, but his power could still charge up the entire room, make her yelp and pull back under his dark eyes. “ He’s mine .”
“ You’ve put no mark on him, ” she sneered at Shane, but she still put distance between them, pressing against the wall. “ This is my home, why are you intruding? ”
“ It’s the last time ,” he promised her. “ Just let us stay the night and we’re out of your hair tomorrow. ”
“Man,” said Ryan to no one in particular. “I really hate this. Still.”
Sallie sneered at him and Shane had to fight down a smile.
“
He doesn’t mean it.
”
“
Yes, he does. He should rot in hell, where he belongs. Where you both belong.
”
Dark eyes found Shane.
“ You two deserve each other. ”
“Yeah,” said Shane, out loud, smiling at Ryan as he nudged him with his elbow. “I bet you do, little guy.”
Here, on this very floor, in an exceptionally smaller sleeping bag, he’d tried to kiss Ryan for the first time. Back then, he’d still thought this would be an easy, little job and he’d be home soon.
A bit naive, maybe, a lot in denial, yes, but still not as much as Ryan. He wondered if he felt it too, when he turned around and saw him lie there, watching him.
“What’cha thinking?” Shane asked quietly.
“How different life could’ve gone if Brent hadn’t quit.”
“Oh yeah,” Shane grinned. “Maybe more peaceful.”
“Maybe. Doubtful. I don’t think Unsolved could’ve- could’ve happened like this without you, you know?”
Shane shrugged.
“What about you?” Ryan asked him curiously. “What were you thinking of?”
There were a thousand funny quips to make but before he could make a single one, he heard Ryan’s voice in his head again, begging him to let a genuine moment happen.
“Kissing you,” he finally said.
And Ryan didn’t look away. Ryan didn’t even blink, just shifted closer with his entire sleeping bag dragging over the ground, smiling.
“Oh yeah?” he asked. “I guess we really did come full circle, huh?”
“Right here, on this very spot of slightly cleaner floor than the rest of the room,” Shane told him, smirking, “you gave me the ‘no homo’ speech. Homosexually.”
Ryan snorted.
“Yeah, you tell yourself it’s cleaner, if it helps you sleep at night, big guy.”
“Right, that was the takeaway here,” Shane grinned, watching Ryan shift closer still. “And yet you’re coming to my clean side of the floor, huh Bergara?”
“Sure,” said Ryan, voice low. “That’s the takeaway here.”
There it was again - the addictive taste of Ryan’s breath mingling with his. Warm and sweet and drawing him in. Shane wasn’t sure anymore, who seduced whom at this point or whether or not it even mattered, when everything he wanted was just… this. Who cared. Who cared ? He leaned in, lips brushing against Ryan’s when he saw it. A shadow, right there in the corners of his eyes. Reacting on sheer instinct, Shane jumped up, shoving Ryan behind himself, a dangerous growl filling the suddenly pitch-black room.
“Wh- Shane? What the hell?” Ryan sounded panicked - and for once he was right to. Shane closed his eyes for a moment, focused and when he opened them again, they were red, glowing through the darkness, cutting it in half. He found Sallie with her grubby little hands all over Ryan, holding him in place, searing his skin with her cold.
“Get away from him!” he screamed, demonic power filling his voice. “I told you: He’s mine.”
“Make me!” she hissed and this time, Ryan could definitely hear her. He trembled in her hold, still unable to move.
“Sh- Shane? Fuck, I can’t see anything, what is happening?”
“I’m here,” he told him quickly, trying to hold back the demonic authority in his voice (and failing). “You’re okay. You’re going to be okay.”
“How touching,” screeched Sallie. “But you come for me, you’re hurting him too. So what is it going to be, big guy ?” she asked, Ryan’s nickname sounding like a taunt from her hollow lips.
And he really didn’t enjoy being taunted by anyone but Ryan all that much, if he was being quite honest.
“Ryan. This one’s going to be a bit scary,” Shane told him. “I need you to trust me and hold really, really still, okay?”
“Can’t really move right now,” Ryan pointed out unhelpfully.
“You will in a minute,” Shane promised him. “Just- don’t, okay?”
“‘kay. Just. Whatever- Just hurry. It’s- I’m really cold.”
“Don’t worry baby, I’ll heat you right up.”
Hellfire, by all intents and purposes, had one very specific, singular purpose and not much else: Burning things. Be it demon, human, angel or- well God probably was an exception, Shane couldn’t say he had ever wanted to try.
Sallie, having been shunned to Earth a long time ago, didn’t really have a lot of resistance to his flames. She was screaming, tugging on Ryan, trying to take him down with her, but Shane did everything in his mind to focus, to keep the flames away from him and Ryan, thankfully, followed his advice and stood rooted to the spot as best as he could.
It was over quick, with nothing but a last echoing, gruesome scream haunting these four walls from now on. Well. And a pile of ashes no one would quite know had once been a demon.
The darkness split the moment Sallie was destroyed, but Shane still let the hellfire shrink down to a little flame, let it hang in the air to light up the room, as he slipped closer to Ryan on his knees.
He looked pale and was shaking, even as sweat ran down his temples.
“Are you okay?” Shane asked, which was maybe a little ridiculous because clearly he was not, but what was he going to do? He needed to hear his voice, needed to- needed-
Clammy hands found his and Ryan’s grip immediately turned bruising.
“I need to be out of here. Like right now.”
Shane nodded, pulling his shaking friend to his feet and guiding him swiftly out of the house and into fresh air. Ryan managed to stumble away from him for a few steps, before throwing up into the grass.
“Holy shit, man. What was that?” he asked, wiping the bile from his face as he sat down on the doorstep next to Shane.
“A demon,” Shane said darkly. “Sallie. You’ve been introduced. Not a very pleasant girl, huh?”
Ryan was staring at him.
“You- your eyes they- and I thought I saw- And that fire? And your voice. You talked to her and you sounded-”
Shane chewed on his lower lip, feeling empty all of a sudden. He’d protected Ryan but at what cost? He’d forsaken his life in hell and now he was losing this one as well.
Was losing Ryan.
“Yeah,” he finally said, voice toneless. “I’m one, too.”
Ryan just kept staring at him. His entire body was still shaking. God, he looked completely terrified.
“She won’t hurt you again,” Shane told him. “She’s just a pile of ashes now. Neither will I, for that matter.”
“I- what? Yeah, I know. I just. You’re- that’s a lot to take in, man. Do you- that was your fire in there?”
“Uh. Yeah. Well. Technically it was hell’s fire, I can just summon it.”
“And Sallie can’t?”
“Sallie is a lower class demon, she can make it a bit dark and cold and she can kill, all of them can kill, though- well she can’t do anything now.”
“And you’re like- higher class?” Ryan asked, blinking heavily. “There’s a class system in- in fucking hell? Jesus.”
“He’s got very little to do with that,” Shane responded numbly. “And yeah. To both questions. Though, I guess they probably gave my job to the Goatman by now.”
“The- the goatman’s real?” Ryan asked, voice bordering on hysterics and Shane couldn’t help the little smile.
“Yeah, and you stole his bridge.”
Ryan’s lips twitched but he didn’t speak or laugh.
For a moment, they sat there in utter silence, Ryan clearly needing to collect his thoughts and Shane trying not to break down.
“Listen, Ryan,” he finally started. “I know this is a lot, but I would never-”
Soft lips stopped him mid-sentence, pressing against him with surprising gentleness - and tasted like absolute shit.
“What the fuck, dude? Gross. You just puked.”
“Oh,” Ryan said, slapping a hand in front of his mouth and pulling back, but Shane could still hear his muffled laughter. “Shit, sorry dude, I kinda forgot.”
“How do you forget that with that taste in your mouth? Ew.” Shane slapped a hand in front of his face, laughing tiredly. “Did you really just kiss me?”
“I mean, yeah. You were going into some Twilight-esque rant about being a monster and shit and I’m not having it. I know you wouldn’t hurt me. You’re still Shane. It’s just- I wasn’t expecting it. I know there were a lot of jokes about you being a demon, but then you turned around and actually are one and- like some higher class Jesus demon or something.”
“Okay, I really wished you kept Jesus out of this, we’re not his biggest fan down there,” Shane laughed, feeling lighter all of a sudden. “I can’t believe you’re that chill about it. I figured you’d try to exorcize me with holy water or some shit.”
“I’m not feeling particularly chill right now,” Ryan said, voice still shaky. “But- wait, does that actually work?”
Suddenly, the whole reality of the situation seemed to crush down on Ryan because he jumped up excitedly, eyes growing wide. “Dude! You can actually answer so many questions I’ve been having and- wait. Wait. Does that mean you’ve seen ghosts the entire time?!”
“Ryan,” Shane told him gently, the “ghosts aren’t real” already on his lips when he realized he didn’t, actually, want to pull Ryan’s entire life’s work away from under his feet like a rug. “If I had seen a ghost, I’d have told you,” he chose to reassure him instead. “So far, you haven’t managed to convince me of their existence even once.”
Ryan let out an outraged little huff and Shane knew immediately he’d made the right choice.
“You’re unbelievable,” Ryan muttered and let himself fall back down next to Shane. And Shane, at that moment, thought that was funny, coming from Ryan. He was clearly the absolute most fearless, wonderful, brilliant man the human race had ever produced. Sitting here, fearlessly, next to a demon he kissed, because he- he trusted him.
“I think we should go back in,” suggested Shane. “The cameras are still running. This house is the safest fucking place in this world as of now. And you desperately need to brush your teeth.”
Ryan looked like he wanted to protest, then decided against it with a little smile.
“You know what? You have a point.”
Shane wasn’t sure what was happening, but the next moment he was being pulled to his feet by Ryan’s hand and dragged back upstairs. And slowly, steadily, he was kind of growing used to being pressed against bathroom doors and kissed.
As it turned out, Shane liked the taste of cheap wine just as much as the taste of fresh toothpaste.
Funny that.
“Still can’t believe I’m dating a demon,” Ryan told him a couple days later, when they laid curled up on Shane’s sofa.
“Still can’t believe you’re letting yourself date a man ,” Shane snorted.
“Oh, fuck off.”
“No, really. One more year of your internalized homophobia and I would’ve gone back to hell. For sure.”
“No you wouldn’t have, stop lying,” Ryan giggled.
“No, I wouldn’t have,” sighed Shane. “That’s because I’m whipped. I’m a kept demon. I’m basically a pet on a leash.”
But he was getting as many kisses as he wanted now, so who really was losing? As if to prove it to himself, he leaned down to Ryan and stole himself one, then another one when he lingered.
“You know what I still don’t get?” Ryan asked when he pulled back.
“What now?” Shane sighed. The last days had been completely filled with one pointless question after the other and while he generally really welcomed an opportunity to talk about all of this with Ryan, to be himself around Ryan without fear, he was beginning to think all the genuine questions were through and they had moved on to what essentially boiled down to confirming (and more frequently: debunking) supernatural superstitions.
“What the hell was a demon doing at Buzzfeed anyway?”
Oh. Ah. Huh.
Right. That hadn’t come up yet, Shane supposed.
He scratched the back of his head, feeling a tad awkward. This could really go into either direction.
“Okay, promise me you won’t freak out,” he finally sighed.
“Oh good, that’s always a great start”, Ryan huffed, sitting up to face him, but not pulling out of Shane’s arms when he did the same. “What? You’re not going to reveal to me that you’ve watched me sleep like Edward or something, right?”
“Again with the Twilight references?” Shane groaned. “I’m not glittering in the sunlight, you know?”
“Just tell me,” Ryan urged him, tone gentle. “I can take it, man.”
Shane wasn’t so sure about that, but he’d sworn himself to be done with the secrets once and for all, so… he was doing this now, it seemed like.
“There was… a contract,” he told Ryan. “Sometimes, we’re being tasked with missions, like- like corrupting a soul by seducing it and- stuff like that. Mark them for hell, so to speak?”
Ryan raised an eyebrow.
“You marked me for hell?”
“Well, technically, I think it’s fair to say that by the time we kissed for the first time, I was already a bit of a rogue, so… not even sure if it counts?”
Ryan frowned but didn’t say anything. Okay. Not a freak out yet. That was good, right?
“So the contract was to… mark me for hell by kissing?” he asked and then, as if a light had gone on in his brain, his entire face lit up. “Oh! Is that why you tried to kiss me in the Sallie house that first- but- oh.”
Hell, it was tough, looking at Ryan’s disappointed little sulk and not laugh. Shane kissed him quickly, pulling him a little closer.
“Originally, that’s what it was, but I fell for you pretty quickly. I think in the end, you uh. Kinda corrupted me more than the other way around.”
“Oh yeah? My good, pure soul pulled you in, did it?” Ryan grinned and Shane shoved him away with a hand to his face, still laughing.
“Yeah sure. Like your soul was ever pure, Ryan Bergara.”
“Can I… Can I see it? The contract?” Ryan asked timidly and Shane sighed.
“I- sure. I already broke every rule imaginable. So what.” He got up, went to his cabinet and pulled it out.
“Seriously?” asked Ryan, looking down at the folder. “That’s it? That looks cheaper than my Unsolved files, man.”
“I know it’s hard to believe,” Shane offered him with a grin. “But the only place cheaper than Buzzfeed might be Hell.”
He handed him the folder and Ryan opened it carefully, studying it with that look he got sometimes, that investigative look when he searched for ghosts that weren’t there.
It was still just as cute, so Shane focused on studying him instead.
“Hey uh… Shane?” Ryan asked after a long while of quiet reading.
“Yeah?” Shane was playing with a lock of his hair, twirling it around his pinky lazily while Ryan read. He had let his hair grow out lately and it looked really good.
“This- this doesn’t say anything about ‘kissing’, dude.”
“Huh? Yes it does. Right there, under the objective task, it says-”
He leaned over the file in Ryan’s lap, looking at it in detail for the first time since he’d taken the contract and. Oh Hell. Oh good God. Oh Jesus fucking Christ. He could still make out the little smudge of ashes, now bleached from the time passed, leaving behind stark dark letters on white paper, clearly spelling out ‘kill’ instead of ‘kiss’.
Shane opened his mouth. Closed it again.
And knew all of a sudden, why every Demon he had ranted to about this - including Sara, oh God, Sara - had declared him a nutcase, as he had gone on and on about kissing Ryan. Hell, the Goatman had- Oh God, the Goatman. Oh God.
Shane wanted heaven to open up and smite him from above.
“Yeah, so that is. A little embarrassing,” he finally brought out what had to be the understatement of all of eternity.
Ryan clasped the file shut, looking down at it with finality.
“So uh. Best to leave that one unsolved, huh?”
Shane tried to imagine a world in which he had killed Ryan on sight and sighed. Religious people would say this was the blessing of God guiding him into a better life, or some shit like that. Fate. The universe reaching out to him.
Shane suspected they were just really lucky idiots, though.
(And maybe he had just been a little distracted by the photo and decided he really wanted to kiss Ryan Bergara.)
“Guess I really have no choice but to stay up here and protect you from every other demon they might send after your ass. What a pity.”
Ryan shook his head softly.
“You know, I know that’s supposed to be quirky, but I really don’t want to think about any other demon coming after me. Ever.”
“Understandable,” Shane retorted. “The others can, as far as I know, all read, even.”
They broke out into laughter.
Yeah, Shane thought, when his cat got jealous, jumped into their laps and made Ryan sneeze. He’d fight for this with all that he had.
"So uh,” he asked Sara, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. “If you could just give me a heads up. I’m really just- I just want to keep Ryan safe.”
“Shane,” Sara sighed, shaking her head. “I know you might not want to hear this but… it’s been seven years since you’ve tried to get this boy. Shane. No one even remembers him down there. You’re- you’re good.”
Shane blinked at her.
“Seven years, huh?”
Sara nodded.
“Not your smoothest mission, but hey, I guess we all counted on you being able to read, that was on us.”
Shane smiled at her dreamily.
“Sounds like everything worked out for the best, though, right?”
She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and said, “you’re really down bad for him, huh?”
“I love him,” Shane told her gently. “I’ve never- felt this way before. Didn’t even think I could.”
Sara gave him a little wink.
“Then yes, it worked out for the best. Though I’m really confused about that puppet show you’re doing. Earth does seem to have driven you a little insane, you know that, right?”
Shane grinned at her from one ear to the other.
“Oh Sara, you’re the one watching it, so I don’t know what to tell you.”
She raised both hands to cover her face and then, very quickly, so quickly that the words seemed to stick together, said, “sotheresthisgirlimetcalledmari”.
“Hey,” Shane asked Ryan that night. “How do you feel about another double date?”
“Better now that you’re the one going out with me,” Ryan said with a raised eyebrow. “Why?”
“Sara met a girl. And I think she could use some earth friends.”
For a long moment, no one said a thing and then Ryan, very softly, said, “Shane… Sara- is she- is she a demon too?”
Oh. Whoops.
Sara and Ryan got along a lot better now that Sara was seeing a human of her own. Mari and Ryan hit it off immediately too, which was kind of sweet.
And Shane was fine, happy even, because at the end of the night, Ryan was in his arms, naked and sweaty and perfect, pressing soft kisses against his skin and asking, softly,
“If I go to hell one day, will you be there?”
And Shane simply held him close and told him what he hadn’t been able to tell him that day when he’d asked him about the Goatman Bridge for the first time.
“Ryan, I’ll follow you wherever. And if you need me to drag you single-handedly out of hell and into heaven, I’ll do that too. I’ll beg them to let you in and tell them it wasn’t your fault.”
“I am, in full knowledge, dating a demon. I think we can let go of the idea that that’s not my fault,” grinned Ryan. “Besides, heaven sounds lame if you’re not there.”
“Hell’s not better,” Shane yawned. “Why do you think most of us hang around here?”
“Can I do that too, then? Hang around here? With you?”
Shane hesitated.
“If I- If I claimed you as mine, you could. We could be- wherever as long as- well. I mean. We can. Discuss that another time.”
“Oh no,” Ryan said sweetly, putting another kiss right to his collarbone, heat lingering as his hands wandered lower, making Shane twitch impatiently. “I think we should discuss that right now, actually.”
And as always with Ryan, Shane wasn’t really sure who really was making whom theirs, here. He supposed he wouldn’t want it any other way