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So you found a place where the grass is greener, and you jumped the fence to the other side. Is it good? Are they giving you a world I could never provide?
Theo watched as Corey was laughing with the other members of the pack at their meeting. The Pack had eventually accepted Theo as part of their pack, albeit reluctantly, but Theo was still happy that he was with them. But he wished he had the sort of connection Corey had with them. He sees how Corey always smiles and thinks about how he never acted like that when he was in Theo’s pack. The McCall pack is giving some type of world he could never provide for him. He remembers how he resented Corey at first for joining the McCall pack and leaving him behind, but no matter how much he resented it, he could see it was for the better.
Well, I hope you’re proud of your big decision. Yeah, I hope that it’s all that you want and more, now you’re free from the agonizing life you were living before.
As Theo lay in his truck that night he thought about everything that had happened. He was broken from his thoughts when he heard something from the front of his truck. He looked up and saw Corey sitting in the driver’s seat. This wasn’t the first time this had happened, but Theo was getting really tired of it.
“You finally made it into the pack, isn’t that right Theo? Are you happy with the decision? Is it everything you ever wanted? Is it so much better than the pathetic and agonizing life you were living before? Poor Theo, all alone. You and I both know that they will never truly trust you, this is just their way of keeping an eye on you,” the hallucination tells him. He knows all of it is true, the pack will never trust him. And while, yes, he is technically part of the pack now, his life isn’t all that much better. He is still homeless and starving, his sleep plagued with nightmares.
And you say what you need to say so that you get to walk away, it would kill you to have to stay trapped when you’ve got something new. Well, I’m sorry I had it rough, and I’m sorry I’m not enough. Thank God they rescued you.
“I can’t believe you, Theo. How can you sit here and wallow in self-pity and not think about me and what you put me through? Because that’s the thing, Theo, you say whatever you need to say so that you can walk away unaffected. You were going to leave, we both know that, but now that you have this you aren’t going to leave, are you? Because that’s what you do, the moment you get any sort of affection you latch onto it. Well, thank God they rescued you, right?” the hallucination of Corey continues, it’s like he can read his mind. Probably because his mind is the one who conjured him up. But it hurts even more to hear his internal thoughts said out loud, and from someone that looks like Corey, makes it even worse.
So you got what you always wanted, so you got your dream come true? Good for you, good for you, you, you. Got a taste of a life so perfect, so you did what you had to do? Good for you, good for you.
“How are things between you and Liam? Finally got with him, right? Isn’t that what you always wanted? Was it a dream come true? I mean, good for you, really, I mean it. I mean, your life must be so perfect now, right? But what about what you had to do to get it, you don’t deserve it, Theo,” and with a condescending tone, he says, “Good for you, Theo.” And that was the last thing he said before he disappeared into thin air.
Theo didn’t get any sleep that night.
Does it cross your mind to be slightly sorry? Do you even care that you might be wrong? Was it fun? Well, I hope you had a blast while you dragged me along.
The next time it happens, Theo is at a pack meeting. He watches as the rest of them are laughing and smiling, it makes him smile, but when he looks away, he suddenly sees Tracy standing next to him. His smile is wiped off his face when he sees her. She looks exactly like she did when Theo killed her, he wants to look away from her, but he knows he can’t, knows he won’t.
“Are you even slightly sorry for everything you did to me? You killed me, Theo. Do you even care how wrong you were for doing that? Did you at least have fun? Did you have fine while you dragged me along? While you dragged all of us along,” she says it with a smile on her face that makes Theo sick.
And you say what you need to say, and you play who you need to play. And if somebody’s in your way, crush them and leave them behind.
Theo closes his eyes, he can't look away from her but he doesn’t want to see her standing there. When he opens his eyes it’s not Tracy standing there, it’s Josh.
“You say what you need to say, Theo. You play who you need to play. Just like you did to Tracy and me. Were we in your way? So much that you decided to crush us and leave us behind? No, not even that, you decided to kill us,” Josh says as he looks at Theo right in the eyes.
Well, I guess if I’m not of use go ahead, you can cut me loose. Go ahead now I won’t mind.
Then, Tracy is back, standing right next to Josh. And she picks up right where he left off, “Were we not of use to you Theo? Were we holding you down so much that you decided to cut us loose? That you decided to kill us.” And then, together they say, “It’s okay, Theo, we don’t mind.” And Theo knows that it is a lie, the same way Corey looked at him the other night, smiles adorn both of their faces, mocking him.
I’ll shut my mouth and let you go. Is that good for you? Would that be good for you, you, you? I’ll sit back while you run the show. Is that good for you? Would that be good for you, you, you?
Then, Corey appeared. Even though Theo could see the real Corey in his peripheral vision he still felt like the one in front of him was real. “How would the pack act if they found out everything you did? They only know the half of it, right? Do you want me to shut my mouth and let you play this part? Would that be good for you, Theo? Do you want me to sit back and not say anything? Would that be good for you, Theo?” said Corey. And it hurt, it all hurt. Theo didn’t know what he wanted anymore. He could feel his chest tighten, he couldn’t breathe, they were all around him, he felt trapped. Theo slid down the wall and started clutching his chest. Why couldn’t he breathe? He was so lost in his own mind that he didn’t notice that the pack started to look his way.
All I need is some time to think. But the boat is about to sink. Can’t erase what I wrote in ink. Tell me how could you change the story? All the words that I can’t take back. Like a train coming off the track. ‘Cause the rails and my bones all crack. I’ve got to find a way to- Stop it, stop it! Just let me out!
Theo couldn’t do this here, not right now. He just needed some time to think, but he couldn’t do it here in front of everybody. They can’t see him like this, how could he ever come back from this? He wishes he could erase it all, he wishes he could change the story. But what about all the words that he can’t take back? He feels like a train that’s coming off the tracks, he feels like he can’t do anything to stop the facade he built up to crack. But he has to, he has to find a way to stop them. He can hear them saying his name, calling out to him, and telling him about his failures. He just wants them to stop, and although he doesn’t realize it he says, out loud, “Stop it! Stop it! Just let me out!”
All of a sudden he can feel hands on him and he starts struggling. He doesn’t want this! He just wants them to leave him alone. “I’m sorry. Please, I’m sorry. Just leave me alone,” Theo says with a trembling voice. Suddenly the hand on him starts tapping out a beat. One Theo realizes is a heartbeat.
So you got what you always wanted. So you got your dream come true. Good for you, good for you, you, you. Got a taste of a life so perfect. Now you say that you’re someone new.
Good for you. Good for you. Good for you. Good for you!
Theo finally comes back to the real world, Josh and Tracy nowhere to be found, and he sees Corey with a concerned look on his face. He realizes Liam was the one tapping out the heartbeat. “Are you back with us?” Liam asks. And instead of telling him that, yes he is, apologies start spewing from his mouth. “I’m sorry that I finally got what I wanted. I’m sorry that it was my dream come true. I’m sorry I was able to get a taste of a somewhat perfect life. I don’t deserve it I know. I haven’t changed and I’m sorry!”
“Hey, hey, hey, calm down. You have nothing to apologize for, Theo. You aren’t the same person as before, and the stuff you have now is just proof of that. It’s okay that you got what you wanted because everyone deserves to be cared for and loved, including you,” Liam tells Theo with a sad smile on his face. And that smile told Theo that everything was going to be okay.
So you got what you always wanted.