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Dating comes with the expectation of intimacy. Luckily for Eunseok though, being Sungchan’s best friend never comes with any expectations.
Regarding intimacy, what has already happened has happened naturally. Eunseok told Sungchan very soon after giving him his ring that there doesn’t need to be any deadline or timeframe they need to conform to. At the end of the day, this isn’t either of their first relationships. For Eunseok, however, it is his first relationship with someone who he doesn’t need to explain much of anything to.
Sungchan already knows him, as it is. There’s no awkward phase wherein his partner is getting to know him, and know what he’s comfortable with: Sungchan already knows all of that. Sungchan already knew all of that.
And at least with Sungchan, he doesn’t feel ridiculous when he asks for things. Since he knows that there’s no one who understands better than Sungchan, in the first place.
(“Babe, when you kiss me with your tongue—”
“When I kiss you with tongue?” Sungchan interrupts, raising an eyebrow as if to see if Eunseok really means what he said.
Eunseok only frowns at the reaction.
“You won’t?” he wonders, just for Sungchan to roll his eyes and shake his head, fondly. Eunseok can tell because there’s a small smile on his face, too.
“I will,” he assures, but it’s not really an assurance. Eunseok already knew this, but it is nice to hear, undoubtedly. “It’s just that we haven’t even… kissed at all, yet,” he explains. Sungchan’s voice turns quieter by the end of his words, his ears beginning to tinge red.
It’s adorable. Eunseok will do something about how cute it is later. When he’s done explaining himself.
“Okay, but when you do, you have to let me know. Before you do it. Or else I think I’ll get a little freaked out,” he says honestly.
Eunseok had never liked it when his previous partners would sneak their tongue into his mouth without warning. It’s a jarring, wet, and warm sensation that he doesn’t want to deal with without some sort of warning.
“You want me to tell you?” Sungchan asks. He’s never judgemental and he’s not incredulous about it either. He just sounds like he’s looking for a genuine answer. Which is good, since Eunseok wants to give him a genuine answer, too. He’s trying to have a genuine conversation.
“Maybe not with words,” he thinks out loud. He wanted to have this conversation in the first place partially so that he can work through the logistics out loud. Because breaking a kiss to ask a question every single time isn’t really what Eunseok meant. “You should. Like, do a very small lick at first.”
“A very small lick,” Sungchan repeats slowly. His eyebrows furrow a bit in the middle of his forehead, and he opens his mouth once, closing it right after. “Like…?”
“Like this.” Eunseok stalks right up to Sungchan, standing in front of him, and leaning forward enough to practically kiss him.
But he doesn’t kiss Sungchan. He stops a hair’s breadth away from his boyfriend’s lips, and instead pokes his tongue out of his mouth, licking across the seam of Sungchan’s lips. The latter reacts in the form of an apple red blush and a small flinch at the abrupt sensation on Eunseok’s tongue against his chapped lips.
“So that I’ll know,” Eunseok explains once he takes a step back. He watches Sungchan blink numerous times. “And I’ll do the same for you, of course.” Maybe Sungchan doesn’t like the abrupt feeling of a tongue in his mouth, either.)
That conversation was, however, a month ago. Since that night and present time, they’ve kissed a lot. Enough to the point where Eunseok had discovered that his favourite spot to kiss Sungchan is the couch. He gets too sleepy if they kiss in either of their beds for too long.
They’ve also done more than kissing. Eunseok has had his hand run under Sungchan’s shirts and hoodies. He’s felt the skin that covers Sungchan’s stomach, his heart, his ribs. His arms, too. Always his arms more often than not, to be honest…
By this point, he’s also ran his fingers through Sungchan’s hair. Felt the soft strands under his fingertips when his hair was dripping yet, brittle and dry, smooth and silky. Sometimes, he gets distracted if he has his fingers in Sungchan’s hair for too long. He ends up wanting to play with it more than he wants to kiss, so he’s sparing with how often he lets his hands settle on Sungchan’s head when they kiss.
But, Sungchan doesn’t have any of those qualms. He likes putting his hand on the back of Eunseok’s head more often than not, filtering through the fine strands on the nape of his neck. He also likes putting his hands under Eunseok’s clothes, but he’s learned to stray away from the ribs on the left side of his body. Eunseok is inexplicably ticklish there.
Sungchan also likes neck kisses. Eunseok had learned this when he felt too lazy to stretch over and kiss Sungchan’s mouth, and had instead kissed whatever he could reach. It ended up being Sungchan’s neck, right under his Adam’s apple. He squirmed a little about it; Eunseok had to do it again and again because he couldn’t get enough of his reaction.
All of this is to say that intimacy had been easy with Sungchan. Well, intimacy confined to kissing above the collar and touching above the waist under clothes had been easy. Not that Eunseok ever really thought it’d be hard with Sungchan: things rarely are.
Not much has changed in their relationship after officially declaring I love you in the same, reciprocal way. But, Eunseok has gotten much, much more fond of Sungchan. He’s also noticed many more charming things about his best friend that he used to chalk up to admiration. It’s not just admiration anymore: Eunseok is also attracted to all of it. He’s very attracted to Sungchan.
He’s attracted to the way he looks when he strolls into the kitchen after waking up, his hair stubborn and all over the place. Eunseok is attracted to the way Sungchan kisses him goodbye before he goes to work. He’s attracted to the look on Sungchan’s face whenever Eunseok cooks them kimchi fried rice.
He’s just — attracted to it all, really.
Speaking of kimchi fried rice, though, that’s what Eunseok is currently making in the kitchen right now. Sungchan is supposed to be back from his shift at the gym in about an hour, and it’s one of Eunseok’s days off. Similar to Sungchan who only works four times a week, Eunseok only works three times a week. The daycare is small, and so are their classes, so there’s no need for all staff members to be there everyday.
He likes his off days because they usually allow him to lay in bed for a little longer, shower for a little longer, and spend a little longer doing nothing. Or something, if he wanted. Today, for instance, he wanted to do something: which is why he’s making himself and Sungchan dinner.
Kimchi fried rice is one of the only things Eunseok thinks he’s particularly good at cooking. He does try other dishes when he’s up for the challenge (which is rare, but not unheard of), but the only critique he’s ever had is Sungchan, so he can’t really trust his opinion. He always eats whatever Eunseok makes for him, as it is.
He’s turning the heat down on the stove when Sungchan begins unlocking the door from the outside. Conditioned like a dog, Eunseok’s ears perk up at the announcement that his favourite person is back home.
“Eunseokie, I’m home!” Sungchan announces, even if the kitchen is only ten steps away from the front door. Eunseok hears him take his shoes off, put his keys down, and then begin walking towards their coat closet to put his jacket away. It’s been cold lately. Well, it’s winter. Once that’s done, Sungchan makes his way over into the kitchen. “What’re you making?”
“Your favourite,” Eunseok replies. He doesn’t know if this is Sungchan’s favourite dish in general, but he does know that it’s Sungchan’s favourite dish that he makes — which only further supports how Eunseok doesn’t really believe Sungchan when he says all his cooking is good, but that’s something else altogether.
He sees Sungchan’s hands make their way towards him out of his peripheral vision, and so he steps out of his reach a second before they can make contact. He’s stirring his fried rice — he is not going to let it burn — and so doesn’t even look at Sungchan when he speaks.
“Wash your hands first,” Eunseok reminds him. Eunseok hates being touched with Sungchan’s hands if he had just come back home from outside. He himself won’t even touch Sungchan after coming home without washing his hands first. “And set the table please.”
“Can I get a welcome home kiss from my boyfriend if I do all of that?” Sungchan asks dryly. Eunseok doesn’t know why he sounds like that. The routine has always been the same: if one of them is cooking when the other comes home, then the person who isn’t cooking will set the table. And of course Eunseok will kiss Sungchan after all of that. He isn’t the only one looking forward to a welcome home kiss…
Ever since Eunseok recognized the many benefits of actually living with your partner (something he has not done before), he’s been enjoying them all. And goodbye/welcome home kisses are high on the list of benefits he enjoys.
By the time Eunseok is carrying their bigger-than-usual pan of fried rice to the table, he smiles when he sees that Sungchan ‘setting the table’ entailed one cup of water, one can of beer, two spoons, two spoons, and a dish of kimchi in the middle. Because Sungchan loves kimchi, and he’ll eat more of it alongside kimchi fried rice.
He had expected this, but the sight still makes him want to roll his eyes. He puts the pan down and takes a seat at their little table — the perfect size for the two of them, however — just to jump in his seat when Sungchan puts a hand on his shoulder.
Eunseok can smell their soap on his skin.
“Clean,” Sungchan promises, and Eunseok believes him. He looks up at his boyfriend, taking a second to ogle at him after an entire six hours of being apart — sometimes he’s dramatic, Eunseok knows. He doesn’t get to stare for longer than that though, since Sungchan leans down and kisses him chastely on the mouth. His lips are dry, likely from the cold wind outside, and it makes Eunseok want to nag at him about applying chapstick regularly. He doesn’t, though. He’ll save that for after dinner.
“That’s a very lame kiss,” Eunseok sighs when Sungchan pulls away and makes his way to his own chair across from Eunseok.
“I’m hungry,” Sungchan reasons, and it’s enough for now.
Sungchan thanks him for cooking dinner, and then they spend the next five minutes eating in comfortable, amicable silence, with only the sounds of them chewing and Sungchan’s appreciative noises to accompany them.
“You almost make it better than my mom,” Sungchan offhandedly comments. It raises Eunseok’s eyebrow, and his boyfriend obviously notices this. “You should make it for her. She’d like it.”
“Are you taking me home, Sungchannie?”
“You’ve met my family,” Sungchan rolls his eyes, taking a sip from the can of beer he opened when he began eating. Eunseok will ask for a sip when he’s done with his meal, but not before. “You’ve been to my house.”
He has. Numerous times. When they were in middle school, with awkward limbs and oily faces. And when they were in high school, stressing about where to go for the rest of their lives and what they were going to do with the years ahead of them.
But it has been a while since Eunseok has seen Sungchan’s family. It’s been a while since Sungchan has seen Eunseok’s family.
Maybe they should do that soon. Together, preferably.
“Can I have some?” Eunseok nudges his head towards the can of beer. Sungchan slides it over wordlessly. Eunseok takes a sip, tells himself it’s liquid courage (even though it isn’t — he just thinks it’s funny), and then announces, “I’m getting my ears pierced next month.”
“There’s no way I can convince you out of it?” Sungchan asks, neutral. He’s learned to stop badgering Eunseok about how much he’ll hate the healing process. Eunseok believes him, and knows he’s right, but neither of those facts can change his mind. So, Eunseok shakes his head, and Sungchan nods his head. “Are you going alone?” He also asks this neutrally, even though it’s obvious he wants to hear one answer only.
“You can come,” Eunseok grants Sungchan the answer he wanted to hear. “But I’m not scared,” he insists, because he isn’t.
“I know,” Sungchan shrugs. “You’re not scared of anything.” That is correct. Very minimal, physical, in-real-life things phase Eunseok. Details and his own mind are different, and even then it’s not that he’s scared — uncomfortable and anxious would be better words to use. “But I’ll still hold your hand."
Sungchan is so cute. Eunseok sometimes wants to bite him about it. And when those thoughts begin entering his mind, he knows he’ll actually go through with them, so it’s time to think about something else.
“Kiss?” he asks instead of anything else, licking his lips in a pathetic attempt to get the kimchi taste off. Not that Sungchan’s mouth won’t taste like kimchi. Not that it’d even bother either of them: they’re Korean.
Sungchan smiles, and opens his arms invitingly.
“Come here, baby.”
»«
He doesn’t sleep in the same bed as Sungchan. Which he thought was weird for a grand total of three days when they started dating, before Sungchan told him it’s not a big deal at all.
It’s not the end of the world that Eunseok is particular about his sleep, and doesn’t think he can make it through a whole eight hours tangled with another body. Sungchan also mentioned that it was fine because they spend a lot of time tangled together during the evening, or afternoon, when they’re free to.
In turn, Eunseok realized it really wasn’t a big deal at all. And there was no reason to make it one either.
And he likes the couch, anyway. Sungchan does too, probably because they spend a lot of time on it making out. Something that they both enjoy.
Eunseok sometimes prefers being on top. He likes looking down at Sungchan sometimes, and when he’s sitting in Sungchan’s lap, the latter is able to touch him more easily. His hands are able to find his skin without much of a hassle, and Eunseok likes the feeling.
But he also likes laying against the cushion sometimes, too. Today though, it’s Sungchan who’s against the armrest, long legs taking up the length of their couch. And Eunseok likes finding home in his lap: it’s cozy there.
In some sense, kissing is also cozy. There’s the warmth of Sungchan’s mouth, of course, coupled with the warmth of his saliva. Which Eunseok thought was a funny feeling at first, someone else’s spit in your mouth and all, but he’s gotten used to it now. Likes it, even.
Another cozy aspect of kissing is how warm he feels when Sungchan is touching him. Eunseok knows that biologically, his heart is pumping his blood faster because he can’t breathe regularly, and that it’s the main reason why he always feels so warm when they kiss. But the other aspect is where the blood is going, too.
Because today, Eunseok’s temperature doesn't stop at just being warm. After a good ten minutes of locking lips on the couch and letting Sungchan run his hands under his hoodie, Eunseok begins feeling hot.
“I want to touch you.”
“Okay,” Sungchan says immediately, relaxing even further under Eunseok.
“Really?” Eunseok blinks, only slightly taken aback by how quick Sungchan’s response had come.
“What?” he frowns. “Did you want me to say something else?”
“I dunno.” Now Eunseok frowns too, but it’s because he’s thinking. The conclusion he comes to is, “You’re easy, Sungchan,” he states.
Sungchan splutters.
“I am not,” he insists, but Eunseok doesn’t think that’s true. Not after he has kissed and touched Sungchan in a couple different capacities. “What the hell?”
“What?” Eunseok asks, curious. He puts a bit of space between them so that he can watch Sungchan’s face properly. “You always do what I want.”
“Because I love you,” Sungchan reasons, as if it was obvious. “That doesn’t make me easy.”
“Yes it does.” What is Eunseok not understanding right now? Or moreover, what is Sungchan not understanding right now? “Easy for me.” He pinches Sungchan’s ears about it. Or maybe it’s about emphasis. One of those. “You’re very cute, Sungchan.”
“Why do you sound mad about it?” Sungchan grumbles, letting Eunseok’s fingers begin pulling at his earlobes. Eunseok appreciates it — he likes being able to feel the metal of Sungchan’s earrings. He wonders what earrings will feel like in his own ears.
“Because I don’t think I know how to show you,” Eunseok answers honestly. “You’re cute, babe, but you’re also… really hot.”
Eunseok thought he’d feel shy expressing these thoughts to Sungchan. But when he finally says the words out loud, he realizes there’s nothing embarrassing about the truth. This is just what Eunseok feels and thinks, and if there’s one person who makes him feel comfortable in whatever he feels and thinks, it’s Sungchan.
“Then, how do you wanna show me?” Sungchan prompts. It’s a good question, but it’s also one that Eunseok has asked himself before. It surprisingly doesn’t help hearing it from Sungchan’s mouth too.
“I said I wanna touch you,” Eunseok reiterates, since they did stray a bit from his initial statement.
“And I said you can,” Sungchan repeats. He’s still relaxed under Eunseok. Soft and malleable, if he really thinks about it. “Whatever you want, Eunseok.”
Well. There are a lot of things Eunseok wants in relation to Sungchan. But he has only two hands, one mouth, and one heart, so he’ll have to take things one at a time. Unfortunately.
First things first. Eunseok kisses Sungchan again. Feels his mouth against his own, licks the seam of his lips, and puts his tongue in Sungchan’s mouth. The thought of kissing literally anyone else with tongue had always made Eunseok feel a little nauseous. Sungchan had always been the only exception, probably because Eunseok loved him.
Loves him. Will always love him.
Next, his hand finds its familiar place on Sungchan’s stomach. It’s comfortable there, his palm lying above the sculpted muscles of Sungchan’s abs. Eunseok swears he just woke up one day to Sungchan being jacked as fuck. To this day he has no idea where it had come from — but he’s grateful for it, nonetheless.
“Two,” Eunseok prefaces, his lips touching Sungchan’s as he speaks because there’s barely any space between them.
“Okay,” Sungchan whispers. Eunseok brings his other hand under Sungchan’s t-shirt, all ten of his fingers marvelling at the warmth of Sungchan’s skin underneath his fingertips.
Sungchan’s breath catches when Eunseok squeezes his waist.
“Lower?” Eunseok’s whispering too, just to match Sungchan.
“Whatever you want to do,” Sungchan breathes out. It’s only a bit dangerous, giving Eunseok this much liberty.
“Well, I don’t know,” is all Eunseok can admit with this liberty, even if it’s half the truth. He knows very well what he wants to do with Sungchan: everything, practically. But he has no idea how to execute any of it: the mechanics are where he’s failing. “I want you to touch me too,” he settles for saying that truth as well.
And it’s worth it, for the way Sungchan’s hands grab his hips. It’s not the first time he’s done this, but it is the first time he’s let his grip trail down from his hips to his thighs. Eunseok is unsure how much Sungchan can feel of them, since he’s wearing sweatpants; regardless, he hopes Sungchan likes what he can feel.
“Come closer,” Sungchan says, but he doesn’t give Eunseok the time to figure out to shuffle closer — he’s already close, as it is, sitting in Sungchan’s lap. But by closer, Sungchan had meant until there’s practically no space between their hips, slotting their legs together instead of having Eunseok’s legs open on either side of Sungchan’s hips.
It’s more intimate than anything Eunseok has ever experienced with someone before. He’s feeling another person’s arousal right against his own, and while it’s affection beyond anything Eunseok has ever felt before, it also feels good.
More than good, even. It’s Sungchan’s erection through his jeans against Eunseok’s erection through his sweatpants, and it’s maybe the most addicting feeling in the world.
Eunseok has no choice but to make a noise about it.
“Good,” Sungchan praises, seemingly satisfied with Eunseok’s reaction. “Okay?”
“Okay,” Eunseok nods, feeling his face go warmer with every passing second. They’ve been tangled together before — legs and arms and fingers weaved together when they nap on the couch and walk back home at night — but never like this. Never this intimately. “Take your shirt off.”
Sungchan is more than glad to comply. It makes Eunseok glad too, when he sees the expanse of all of Sungchan’s skin and muscle. He really is hot. And really nice to look at too, of course.
He wishes he knew exactly how to tell Sungchan his thoughts, at this moment. He’ll get better at it, though. He has to. It’d be an injustice to Sungchan if he didn’t.
For now, he’ll use touches to convey what his words can’t. He’ll run the tip of his finger through every defined muscle, and pinch Sungchan where he knows he’s ticklish. It gets a knee-jerk reaction out of his boyfriend, but it’s not entirely what Eunseok had been going for. The more Sungchan moves, the more Eunseok feels, everywhere they’re pressed together.
“What about you?” Sungchan asks, gesturing to Eunseok’s hoodie with his head. “Shy?” he prods, despite knowing that by this point, Eunseok isn’t all too shy about a lot of things. New things make him anxious, but being shirtless in front of Sungchan isn’t new.
“As if,” Eunseok scoffs under his breath, and then grabs the hem of his hoodie to pull it over his head. He drops it onto the couch somewhere behind him — maybe it fell onto the floor, actually — and avoids looking at Sungchan’s face as the latter looks Eunseok up and down. It’s not the first time Sungchan has seen him shirtless, but it is the first time he’s staring and marvelling. Eunseok would be lying if he said it didn’t feel good to be looked at like this; with some heat in Sungchan’s eyes instead of warmth; with his pupils dark and sharp instead of softly molten. “Don’t look like that.”
“I’m not looking like that,” Sungchan says slowly, peeling his eyes up to Eunseok’s face again. “I’m just looking. How can I not? You’re hot, too.”
“Sure,” Eunseok grins, just because he feels a little awkward being on the receiving end of such a compliment. But he takes it, because he knows Sungchan means it, and knows that he’ll get better at receiving these kinds of words over time. “But, are you just going to keep looking?”
“I’ll do whatever you want me to,” Sungchan answers without wasting a second. It’s so immediate that Eunseok’s ears flush warm, the same moment that Sungchan’s ears turn a shade of pink darker than they already are. “I want whatever you want.”
It’s a sweet sentiment. It’s also the nth time he’s iterated the sentiment since they started locking lips on the couch. If only Eunseok knew what he wanted at this very moment, out of the thousands of things he wanted with Sungchan.
“Just… do it again,” Eunseok decides, pushing up into the hands Sungchan still has on his thighs. “It felt good.” And it did. More than good, even. It felt intimate enough for Eunseok to already become addicted to the feeling; maybe more than anything, he wants to always feel like this with Sungchan.
And Eunseok never needs to ask Sungchan to do anything twice, which is why Sungchan understands what he means, and moves his hands up from his thighs to his hips. His grip is strong because his hands are big, and Sungchan is stronger than him, but that’s a thought for another time. Eunseok doesn’t want to get too dizzy right now.
He’ll read into it later, when the only thing he can focus on isn’t the hard pressure between their both legs, or the way pleasure shoots up his spine every time they touch there.
Sungchan remains quiet for a good twenty seconds, until he can’t anymore. His mouth opens around small sounds, tiny grunts and moans which make Eunseok feel like there’s a fire burning in his gut. It’s music to his ears, and he chases not only the feeling that comes with pushing up against Sungchan’s arousal in just the right way, but also chasing the cacophony of noises that spill from Sungchan’s mouth when he feels good.
“Sungchan.” Eunseok holds his jaw, the web of skin between his thumb and pointer finger the perfect hold for each of his ears, and kisses him. Kisses him hard, trying to swallow every single moan and pretty sound that falls from Sungchan’s mouth, hoping to take it and keep it with him forever. Keep it in him forever. “I love you, Sungchan—”
“Stop talking,” Sungchan interrupts, his words coming out more as a gasp. He’s breathing heavily — of course, after Eunseok had ravished his mouth — and Eunseok notes that his blush has begun spreading down his neck, too. Soon, it’ll reach his chest. “I want to hear you feel good too.”
Which is a fair request. If Eunseok loves the sound of Sungchan, then Sungchan will probably like the way he sounds too. But he had just been a bit distracted, focused too much on his boyfriend instead of addressing the ache between his own legs.
So, he shuts up, and tries his very best to not think of anything. It appeases them both, since pleasure is the only thing swirling around Eunseok’s brain, while Sungchan’s grip on his hips somehow becomes even tighter.
He thinks he might feel ridiculous for getting off with his boyfriend by frotting, but he doesn’t care at all. It doesn’t matter how familiar Eunseok is with Sungchan’s body — sex with a partner is intimate, and it’s something Eunseok has to work his way up to. He knows himself well enough to know he’ll just freak himself out if he rushes into things.
And plus, it’s clear as day that Sungchan likes this as much as Eunseok does: it shows particularly in the way he begins licking into Eunseok’s mouth after the latter parted his lips for his tongue.
Sungchan isn’t usually a messy kisser; Eunseok gets there before he does. But Sungchan must be desperate, and likely on the edge of succumbing to his pleasure, since his kisses are wet and sloppy, more air than lips and tongue.
Eunseok likes it. He likes everything about Sungchan.
“Almost,” he moans into Sungchan’s mouth when he remembers to. His hands are still cupping Sungchan’s jaw, and he lets go when he realizes he’s squeezing. He doesn’t want to hurt his boyfriend. All he wants is for him to feel good. “Just. Please, Sungchan—”
“Okay,” he says, kissing the next words out of his mouth. Maybe he can taste what Eunseok wanted to say, since he seems to understand. It’s evident in the way Sungchan brings one hand up from his hip to his hair, carding his fingers through the strands before pulling lightly. Eunseok makes another small sound which Sungchan swallows down immediately. “Okay, baby.”
For the first time in his life, Eunseok comes in his pants sitting in the lap of the man he loves.
It’s not as embarrassing as it could’ve been. Likely because Sungchan’s moans sound unbearably cute when he comes — it marginally distracts Eunseok from the fact that his cum-soaked underwear is beginning to feel uncomfortable.
»«
Eunseok doesn’t think he’d recognize a romantic gesture even if it smacked him in the face. It’s the reason why he needed Hong Seunghan and Park Wonbin — and all their friends, actually — to help him realize what Sungchan giving him a ring meant.
Sungchan knows this. And it’s why Sungchan has to tell Eunseok very explicitly what his plans are.
“I’m going to take you out tonight,” he informs Eunseok when the latter is getting ready to leave for work. It’s so early in the morning that it’s still dark outside, and Eunseok wants nothing more than to go back to bed and burrow under his blankets. But instead, he’s bundled up in his winter coat and scarf, putting gloves on his hands as he looks at Sungchan, unblinking. “On a date.”
“Really?” Eunseok sounds more skeptical than he means to be, so he fixes it quickly before Sungchan can say anything about it. “It’ll be cold tonight, babe.”
“Don’t worry,” Sungchan waves off, and, well, if Sungchan tells Eunseok not to worry, then he always means it. It’s probably in Eunseok’s better interest to not worry, now. “Just come back home in one piece, and then we’ll get going.”
“You won’t tell me where we’re going?” Eunseok isn’t the world’s biggest fan of surprises, even if it’s Sungchan who’s surprising him. His boyfriend is the exception to a lot of things in his life, but not really this.
Even the prospect of this date being a surprise makes Eunseok’s thumbnail begin picking at the webbing between his middle and ring finger. But of course, he doesn’t pick at his skin, and instead ends up fiddling with the ring Sungchan gave him, over his gloves.
Sungchan holds his hand to get him to stop, his free one cupping his cheek and having them hold eye contact.
“Ice skating, tteokbokki, eomukguk, and hotteok. Is that okay, my Eunseokie?”
“But we can’t stay out too late,” Eunseok says firmly. It’s one thing he won’t compromise on. “I have to finish the last sheet in my colouring book tonight. The date sounds really nice, Sungchan.”
“Sure,” Sungchan smiles, a soft thing which looks so cute because his face is sleep-swollen. He normally isn’t awake when Eunseok leaves, but this morning he seemed to have gotten up just to inform him of their date. “Kiss before you leave?”
“You didn’t brush your teeth,” Eunseok grimaces.
“You know, I would kiss you if you haven’t brushed your teeth yet,” Sungchan points out, not unkindly. It’s just a fact.
“I wouldn’t let you, though.” Eunseok blinks. It’s just another fact.
Sungchan rolls his eyes — that can’t be good for you so early in the morning — and compromises by planting a sweet kiss onto Eunseok’s head. For his troubles, Eunseok kisses Sungchan’s cheek.
“Be nice to the kids today,” Sungchan says, his fingers cleaning up Eunseok’s hair, despite Eunseok knowing it isn’t even messy right now. He thinks Sungchan is just looking for an excuse to touch him: which is silly, since Eunseok doesn’t think he needs an excuse in the first place. “I’ll see you after work.”
“Okay.” Eunseok has to use all of his willpower to step out of Sungchan’s loving, gentle hands, and out into the hallway. It’s one of the hardest things he’s ever done. “Go back to sleep.”
“Don’t need to tell me twice,” Sungchan groans. He shoos Eunseok away, no doubt waiting for him to leave down the hallway and get into the elevator before closing and locking the door. “Love you.”
“I love you, too,” Eunseok smiles, warmth blooming in his chest and spreading to become some sort of shield for him as he braves the cold morning weather.
It’s unimaginably special, having someone tell you they love you. Eunseok doesn’t want to live without it anymore.
The last time Eunseok went ice skating was with Sungchan three years ago. He knows that gliding on the ice without falling on your ass is as much of an innate muscle memory as riding a bike, but the thing is that Eunseok had in fact forgotten how to ride a bike between the ages of twelve and thirteen.
So, he doesn’t think he’s better than forgetting how to skate on ice, either.
“Slow down,” Eunseok warns, his voice slightly muffled because of the ginormous scarf Sungchan had wrapped him in the second they stepped foot outside and realized how biting the chilly air was. “The rink isn’t going anywhere, babe.”
“I’m excited,” Sungchan admits, as if it wasn’t obvious. He’s buzzing at this point, truly, and Eunseok didn’t know he liked ice skating this much. He makes a note to go more frequently with him. “Everyone looks like they’re having fun already.”
Which, it does look like that. And Eunseok would feel bad about having Sungchan wait for him while he tightens the intricate laces on his skates, but the only thing stopping him from feeling that way is rationale. Without Sungchan, Eunseok is pretty sure he’s going to fall flat on his face the second he steps into the ice. And a nosebleed in this weather just sounds miserable…
“Help me with my skates and you can be there having fun, too.” Eunseok extends his legs out, knocking his skates into Sungchan’s — which are already on his feet, of course.
Sungchan doesn’t say anything as he kneels in front of Eunseok, his fingers more experienced and precise as he expertly tightens each lace of Eunseok’s skates, tying them into a secure bow at the end.
Eunseok wonders if this was what his friends think Sungchan did, when he gave Eunseok his ring. If they think that Sungchan got down on one knee and professed his love alongside a speech, and then slid a ring onto Eunseok’s finger. In reality, it had just been over ramen in their apartment, and Sungchan slid the ring into his finger while expressing concern over his skin-picking habit, and hoping this will fix it.
Eunseok thinks that the original series of events is much more romantic than anything anyone else could possibly be thinking.
It had been a testament to how Sungchan loved him dearly; to a degree that no one but the two of them truly understood.
Perhaps Eunseok’s own gift had been a testament for his love, too: Eunseok simply couldn’t wait a single minute more, and had to give Sungchan his ring as soon as possible. Even if that meant giving it to him in the middle of a restaurant in front of their friends. It’s so completely not Eunseok’s style that it somehow still was one-hundred percent Eunseok’s style: impatient to a fault when it came to Sungchan.
“All done,” Sunchan announces, getting back up on two feet. Eunseok snaps back to the moment, accepting Sungchan’s outstretched hand and standing up. He definitely somehow did forget that there are skates on his feet, since his knees and ankles fail him almost immediately when he stands up. Thankfully, Sungchan is close enough to stabilize Eunseok with his free hand on his waist. “Did you forget how to skate?”
He asks bluntly because he knows that this is how Eunseok prefers to have conversations: it already takes enough out of him to converse with someone, he doesn’t want to spend even more energy trying to decipher what the other person is saying. Sungchan speaks to him like this because he knows him, yet either way, he still feels a flush of embarrassment crawl through him, until it blooms physically on his cheeks as a blush. Maybe he can pass it off as the cold…
“It’s been a while,” Eunseok grumbles as an answer. He takes a step away from Sungchan — tries to take a step back — and balances himself. He’s not going to hold onto Sungchan the entire time they’re skating. They are not going to be that couple. And anyways, Eunseok eventually did learn how to ride a bike again, so he’s pretty sure he can learn how to skate again, too.
“Sure?” Sungchan gestures at the space between them, which really doesn’t need to be there if Eunseok wants to link arms, or something, as an extra precaution. But that’s the thing: he does not want to do that.
Sungchan had been very excited to go skating, evidently, and Eunseok likes skating too. The last time they went together, they both had a fun time. Eunseok doesn’t want Sungchan to have to worry about whether or not his boyfriend is going to wipe out on the ice and get his fingers sliced off by some unsuspecting skater’s blades, or something.
So, he nods his head, and they begin walking towards the ice. If Sungchan recognizes that Eunseok is holding onto his hand a bit tighter than he normally would — only getting even more tighter the closer they get to the ice — he’s kind enough to not mention it.
They call it quits and glide off the skating rink only after Eunseok has collected a litany of bruises on the left side of his body. Which, okay, is pretty dramatic, since he only fell on his ass once — his left asscheek took the brunt of that fall — and crashed into the wall once when he couldn’t remember how to slow down.
Sungchan laughed at him. And helped him up of course, dusting the ice shavings off his clothes and kissing his nose, but not before laughing at him and telling him he was cute.
Cute is a… choice. Eunseok would’ve used the word humiliating, but that’s just him. And anyways, it’s not the end of the world, since he laughed too alongside Sungchan. They had been on the ice for an hour before Eunseok noticed that Sungchan’s nose and ears were getting redder than they should be, and had suggested that it was time for dinner.
Sungchan said he just didn’t want to fall again. Eunseok lets him believe whatever he wants.
“You’re so cold,” Eunseok chastises, pulling his gloves off his hands. He rubs his hands together, generating warmth between his palms, and then presses them to Sungchan’s freezing cheeks. The latter is back to kneeling in front of Eunseok, unlacing his skates this time. “I need to get you a scarf.”
“It’s the dead of winter and we’re outside,” Sungchan brushes off. “Of course I’m cold.”
“Eomukguk first?” Eunseok asks once they’re both back in their regular boots, skates shoved into the respective bags they brought with them for tonight. “You need to warm up, babe.”
“Lucky for you, the line is short.” Sungchan grabs his hand again — he hasn’t let go for majority of the night, and while Eunseok isn’t the biggest fan of public displays of affection, he’s a huge fan of Sungchan — leading them towards the stall run by a sweet looking aunty.
“Lucky for you,” Eunseok stresses. He penguins closer to Sungchan in hopes of giving him some of his warmth. There are still a few people in line before them, so Eunseok takes this moment to quietly say, “Thank you for the date, Sungchannie. I’m having fun.”
Eunseok feels Sungchan smile more than he sees it; feels it in the way Sungchan grins when he presses a kiss to the side of Eunseok’s head, through his hair.
“I’m glad,” he says, speaking into Eunseok’s hair. “I’m having fun, too.”
They spend the next couple hours eating to warm up until they can’t anymore. Sungchan gets tteokbokki sauce on his cheek — Eunseok finds it so cute he has to take a picture before wiping it away for his boyfriend — and they eat so much hotteok their teeth begin to ache from the sugar.
Or maybe his teeth are aching because of how much Eunseok has smiled tonight.
Dating Sungchan is different from being his best friend, yet at the same time, nothing has changed. He feels the same pull to Sungchan he’s felt ever since he met him, so many years ago, but at least now he knows that Sungchan has always felt the pull too.
It’s like he unlocked privilege more than anything else. Eunseok doesn’t navigate his relationships the way he sees most people do, but it doesn’t bother Sungchan. And it’s nice, anyways, now knowing that he can kiss Sungchan whenever he wants to, can hold him in public without it being weird. That he can tell Sungchan he loves him because he means it from the bottom of his heart, and make him kimchi fried rice because he likes it so much.
Eunseok can have Sungchan in any way he wants, even if he’s already always had him. At least now, Eunseok doesn’t ever have to doubt it.
All his life, Eunseok had felt special amidst everyone around him. He felt different and a little weird, too. But the beauty of being with Sungchan — as his best friend, as his boyfriend, in any way — is that he makes Eunseok feel normal. Sungchan makes him feel like Song Eunseok, and nothing else.
Being loved is special. But being loved by Jung Sungchan goes beyond being anything and everything just special.
»«
Sungchan’s hands are one-and-a-half times the size of Eunseok’s. His legs go on for five-and-a-half more centimeters than Eunseok’s. His chin matches Eunseok’s nose. But, only someone who stares at Sungchan for long enough from Eunseok’s height and angle would be able to notice these things. And Eunseok does a lot of that; staring, that is.
Like now. Staring at Sungchan as he stands by the foot of his bed, folding his laundry. Eunseok is sitting up against the headboard: unlike his own bed, Sungchan’s bed does have a headboard. Eunseok is unsure which he prefers.
There’s nothing really remarkable to stare at. It’s just Sungchan in a tank top and loose sweatpants. He’s talking about someone who was annoying him at work today. Eunseok really was listening, but he’s been distracted for the past couple minutes.
He keeps looking at Sungchan’s mouth. And when he becomes conscious of the fact that his eyes are tracing the shape of Sungchan’s lips around every single syllable he speaks, he averts them.
But it doesn’t help, not really, because he finds himself staring at Sungchan’s hands now, instead. How his hands look particularly big when they’re folding darker coloured clothes. How his fingers are longer than Eunseok’s fingers. Sungchan has always been so proportionate to his height — unlike Eunseok, who’s hands and feet are on the smaller side compared to his height.
When Eunseok recognizes that he’s been staring at Sungchan’s hands for too long, tracking the movement of the ring on the fourth finger of his left hand, he averts his eyes once more. But his gaze betrays him by once again going lower, immediately transfixed on how Sungchan’s sweatpants are sitting distractingly low on his hips.
And Eunseok knows Sungchan. He lives with Sungchan — and has been for many years, at this point. That’s why he knows that Sungchan isn’t wearing any underwear right now; he never does when he showers after coming home, with no intention of leaving again.
Sungchan moves to put his clothes away. Some go in drawers, and others get hanged. Throughout it all, Sungchan is still telling him a story, and Eunseok is tracking his movement by staring at his dick through his sweatpants.
It’s the most perverse he’s ever felt in his life. Sungchan is trying to have an innocent conversation, and here Eunseok is, unable to tear his eyes off of the way Sungchan’s cock swings minimally in the loose confines of his sweatpants.
Maybe Eunseok should enforce a mandatory underwear rule at home. Sungchan respects all his rules: he’d respect this one too.
The same time Sungchan asks if he wants to play the video game he’s been obsessed with lately, Eunseok’s thoughts spill from his brain and onto his tongue.
“Should I get your computer for you? Let’s play the new video game—”
“Your dick is, like, massive, Sungchannie.”
Eunseok can tell his eyes widen considerably, and he blinks a couple times, taken aback by the crassness of what he just said. There is no sugarcoating between him and Sungchan, but normally if Eunseok has thoughts like this, he takes a moment to filter them into something a bit more eloquent before speaking.
It clearly catches Sungchan off guard too, as he freezes in place. It’s comical almost, really, the way his mouth stays open around what he was saying while his hand is stuck mid-air, pointing towards the direction of Eunseok’s room.
“… What?”
Eunseok presses his lips together in a sheepish grin, the back of neck flushing to an alarmingly hot temperature. He looks around the room and blinks multiple times in quick succession as he thinks of what to say.
“Like. Objectively speaking,” he settles on, hoping he can go for a casual tone. Even if his thoughts are anything but casual. “Because you’re massive, too.”
Hm. Maybe that came out wrong, but Eunseok doesn’t worry about it. It’s not incorrect: Sungchan is massive, in every single way. Limbs, muscles, eyes, heart, dick.
“Okay,” Sungchan says slowly. He closes his mouth and lowers his hand and stays rooted in spot for a total of nine seconds before moving. “Thank you?”
“Yeah,” Eunseok squeaks, twisting his ring around his finger so that he doesn’t end up doing something stupid. Like hiding his face in Sungchan’s pillow. Or burrowing under the blankets so that he doesn’t have to face Sungchan ever again. “No problem.”
Eunseok winces. This is not how you’re supposed to compliment your boyfriend, or tell him that you find him hot. And sexy. And want to do a million things to and with him to show him just how hot and sexy you find him.
He doesn’t like how he usually ends up speaking whatever comes to mind if it’s a thought that’s pestering and insistent enough. Normally, he doesn’t even realize he’s saying what comes to mind when he’s with Sungchan, but it feels heavily emphasized in this context, right now.
It makes him feel like an idiot, sometimes. Like he can’t read the room — which is partially true most of the time — and he feels worse about it when it’s just him and Sungchan in the room. Mainly because since there’s only the two of them, there are no distractions. Additionally because he knows there’s no reason to really feel stupid when he’s with Sungchan; his brain just betrays him with all his thoughts.
It happens more often than not. Eunseok should be used to it after more than twenty years, but he still flushes with embarrassment about his behaviour, sometimes.
Now being one of those times. With his ears heating up and sweat gathering on the back of his neck.
Maybe he made Sungchan feel uncomfortable. It’s not something you casually bring up in the conversation, as it is.
Maybe Sungchan wants him to leave. Maybe Eunseok should leave.
“Don’t leave,” Sungchan says, snapping Eunseok out of his thoughts. He doesn’t know how Sungchan had read his mind, but finds that he doesn’t need to — Sungchan didn’t read his mind. He just made an estimate about Eunseok’s feelings because he knows Eunseok well enough, by this point. “If that’s what you’re thinking.”
“It’s not,” he lies, wincing once again because lying to Sungchan makes him feel physically uncomfortable. He doesn’t know why he did it. It’s his brain taking over again, before he can think about it. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, either,” Sungchan shrugs, casually.
“I’m very embarrassed, Sungchan,” Eunseok admits, rectifying the uncomfortable feeling that consumed him from lying. “Don’t look at me.
Even just feeling Sungchan’s eyes on him is too much for him to bear at the moment. But he knows better than to try to escape the situation.
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” Sungchan soothes. Eunseok can hear and feel him take a seat on the bed. But he doesn’t face Eunseok, and respects his words by sitting with his back to his boyfriend. He also leaves his hands by his side, which Eunseok is grateful for: he grabs one of them without thinking about it, twisting Sungchan’s ring around. “I didn’t think it was embarrassing.”
“Because you’re not the one who said it,” Eunseok mumbles. He traces Sungchan’s cuticles.
“I can say it too, if you want,” he humours. Eunseok doesn’t need to be looking at him to know he’s smiling. The way he normally does when he’s trying to make Eunseok feel better. Eunseok is suddenly overcome with the overwhelming urge to look at Sungchan’s face, despite what he said three minutes ago. So he pulls on his hand, then his arm, and only stops once Sungchan has turned his body around to have them now looking at each other. “Do you want me to?” He even quirks up the corner of his mouth as he asks.
Eunseok shakes his head.
“Do you think it’s weird?” he asks instead of trying to go back to their video game route of conversation. Sungchan cocks an eyebrow, wordlessly asking Eunseok to elaborate. And he does, but not before crawling into the v-shape Sungchan makes with his legs. He likes being close to Sungchan. He also likes it when Sungchan holds him close with his arms wrapped around him. “That we haven’t… like, had sex?”
“No,” Sungchan answers instantly. One of his big hands is running up and down Eunseok’s spine soothingly, while the other does what it always does when they have hard conversations: grabs Eunseok’s jaw and has them hold eye contact. “It’s not weird at all, baby.”
“Really?” Eunseok worries. “Because. Because obviously, you want it, and I do too. Like, we make out and get off and stuff but never…” —without our clothes, is what he means, but doesn’t say. Never all the way.
“Really,” Sungchan assures, firm. He’s no longer smiling just to get Eunseok to smile, trading that look for earnesty and sincerity in his eyes. “You don’t need to worry about things like that. It’ll happen when it does.”
“And until then?” Eunseok whispers, a frown instinctively tugging his lips down. What until then?
“Until then we do whatever feels good. Whatever we want,” Sungchan kisses Eunseok’s lips, chaste and way too short. “I’ll do whatever you want.”
He’s said it so many times. Even before they got together officially, Sungchan has said numerous times that he’ll do whatever Eunseok wants. Eunseok sometimes thinks that he doesn’t deserve him; but he almost immediately brushes the thought away whenever it enters his mind, since Sungchan wants to be with him too. That must mean he’s doing something right.
“I want you to tell me what you want,” Eunseok says against Sungchan’s mouth. Somehow, things like this — the mortifying ordeal that is intimacy — are easier to talk about when he’s zeroed in so close to Sungchan’s face. The latter’s hand is still under his jaw, but it’s a looser grip now, Sungchan almost caressing his skin. With every word spoken, their lips touch like ghosts of a kiss. “I want to do whatever you want, too.” Eunseok doesn’t mean to sound pleading, but it may have come out like that anyways.
Sungchan doesn’t say anything. He just bridges the practically non-existent gap between their lips and kisses Eunseok. It’s still soft, but it unleashes a swarm of butterflies in Eunseok’s gut. Eunseok hopes Sungchan’s kisses will always do this to him.
Eunseok kisses back, matching Sungchan’s fervor — he really meant it when he said he wants to do whatever Sungchan does.
He wants to be perfect for Sungchan. Good thing Sungchan thinks he’s already there. That’s half of Eunseok’s work already done for him.
When Sungchan licks along the seam of Eunseok’s lips, asking for entrance, Eunseok parts his lips while his hands grab Sungchan; one by the bicep and the other at the waist. He feels the muscles of Sungchan’s body under his fingers, and it muddles his mind more than he thought it would.
Touching Sungchan up when they’re kissing seems to unleash a lot of feelings inside of Eunseok’s body and mind. Even when he thinks about touching Sungchan up when they’re not actively kissing, he feels a lot of things: so it makes sense that he’s feeling all of those things tenfold right now.
“Eunseok,” Sungchan grunts when Eunseok’s mouth falls a bit more slack and allows for some spit to trail down his chin — whether it’s his own spit or Sungchan’s, he’s not too sure. Nor does he mind, either way.
“Mmh?” He opens his eyes, unsure of when they closed. They’re not kissing anymore, but there’s only a centimetre of space between their faces. It’s enough of a distance that Eunseok can still see the way Sungchan’s eyes are fixed lower than usual: on his own mouth, to be specific.
He licks his lips subconsciously. He’s pretty sure he sees Sungchan’s eyes darken, his pupils tracking the motion.
“Open your mouth,” he says, his voice extremely quietly. Eunseok is sure that if he were even a metre further away, he wouldn’t even have been able to hear it. But he did hear it, so his mouth parts obediently, and he watches curiously — with bated breath — as Sungchan brings the hand that was on his jaw level with his mouth. “I washed my hands before folding the laundry.”
And that’s all he says before slowly pushing two fingers past Eunseok’s lips, right onto the flat of his wet tongue.
Eunseok makes a startled sound, but doesn’t pull away. If this is what Sungchan wants, then Eunseok will… let him put his fingers in his mouth. He does appreciate Sungchan telling him he washed his hands, though. It makes closing his lips around the two fingers much easier.
Eunseok swallows the spit that had gathered in the back of his mouth, watching as Sungchan follows the movement of his Adam’s apple.
“A little more,” Sungchan mutters, blinking slowly and then opening his eyes to catch Eunseok’s. “Okay?”
Eunseok nods his head, since he can’t really speak right now. He just accepts Sungchan pushing his fingers in deeper — slowly, which Eunseok also appreciates — until his teeth bump into his first knuckles.
Sungchan’s fingers have always been long — Eunseok has always known and observed this. Right now though, sheathed inside the heat of his mouth, Sungchan’s fingers are exceptionally long.
Eunseok wonders if they’re proportionate to… other things. They probably are…
All at once, the image assaults his brain. Of not having Sungchan’s fingers in his mouth, but something else of his instead.
He feels a wave of warmth wash over him immediately. He wonders if Sungchan’s fingers can feel the way he begins salivating at the thought.
“Suck,” he whispers, and Eunseok closes his eyes as soon as he hears the word. Squeezes them shut, really — it’s good to know that they’re on the same page, but it still makes Eunseok nervous the way doing anything for the first time does.
But, he wants to do whatever Sungchan wants him to do. So, he closes his lips around Sungchan’s fingers, swallows his saliva down once more, and then moves his head up and down the length of Sungchan’s fingers. Slowly, at first, since the feeling of something so big in his mouth takes some getting used to.
For a moment, Eunseok doesn’t know how to breathe around Sungchan’s fingers. The saliva pooling in his mouth paired with the blockage in his throat makes him wonder if he has to pull off in order to breathe, but finds that timed inhalations through his nose work perfectly fine.
His first inhale is a little sharp, but it seems like maybe Sungchan had been waiting for him to make a sound.
“Fuck,” his boyfriend curses, his fingers pushing down on the back of Eunseok’s tongue ever so gently. It’s dangerously close to his gag reflex — Eunseok knows because it’s the same part he dreads about cleaning his tongue when he brushes his teeth. “Eunseokie—”
Eunseok doesn’t mean to cut him off. But he can’t help the way he gags around Sungchan’s fingers, his hand flying up to grab Sungchan’s wrist. He doesn’t want him to pull his fingers out — he just needs a moment to collect himself.
“Breathe,” Sungchan soothes through Eunseok’s rapid breaths. The only sounds with them are his breathing and the sound of skin against saliva in the back of his throat. It should be gross, but Eunseok doesn’t think so — rather, he likes the sound. It makes him blush all over. It’s only a matter of time before he feels too hot for his clothes. “This is just practice, baby.”
Eunseok makes a pathetic sound at the word practice. His imagination can run as wild as it wants to, but knowing that Sungchan had been thinking the same thing… It makes desire pool in his gut. He doesn’t want practice (despite knowing he very well needs it if he’s choking on Sungchan’s fingers), he wants the real thing.
“Soon,” Sungchan coos, as if reading Eunseok’s mind. His breathing has returned to normal, so Sungchan takes it as a cue to move his fingers in and out of his mouth. Eunseok’s lips are beginning to tingle, and he wonders if they’re going to be red by the time Sungchan is done with him. “I just don’t want to hurt you.”
Sungchan never would. Never could. Eunseok solidifies this point by using the grip he has on Sungchan’s wrist to hold him still. He opens his eyes — realizes that they’d been watering after gagging when his vision turns blurry in front of him — and tries his best to meet Sungchan’s eyes as he moves his head to take Sungchan’s fingers deeper than he has this entire time.
It doesn’t hurt — again, nothing about Sungchan ever could — but it is a bit uncomfortable at first. Eunseok just has to get used to the breach in the back of his throat, and how to move his tongue comfortably around and between Sungchan’s fingers. He rather likes having something in his mouth anyways, and it’s something he thinks Sungchan already knew; what with how Eunseok had always chewn on the ends of pencils in school and has licorice in their kitchen at all times as his candy of choice.
He tries harder. Focuses more on what to do with his tongue: laves it around Sungchan’s knuckles, the tips of his fingers, too. Eunseok has a brief moment where he’s curious about what the ring he gave Sungchan would taste like in his mouth. Metallic and cool, until the heat of his mouth makes it warm and hot instead.
“Eunseok,” Sungchan calls his name, voice strangled. It’s enough for Eunseok to flutter his eyes open — again, he’s unsure of when they closed — unleashing tears that had been bubbling in his water line. As they fall down his cheeks, Eunseok realizes that his breathing is ragged and strained: a result of Sungchan’s fingers being so far down his throat. “You’re so fucking good—”
Eunseok preens, finds he likes it when Sungchan tells him nice things, but doesn’t get to marinate in that feeling for too long. Sungchan pulls his fingers out, gently up until they’re halfway out, and then rapidly pulls his hand away from Eunseok’s mouth for the rest.
Unable to help himself, Eunseok gasps as his airway opens up without any obstructions, gulping a couple lungfuls of air before it’s all gone again.
Sungchan kisses him like he’s a starving man. Like he’s never wanted to do anything other than kiss Eunseok. Like he’s been waiting his whole life to get his mouth on Eunseok’s. Which is a funny thing to think about, because Eunseok couldn’t have been sucking on Sungchan’s fingers for longer than six minutes.
But it has only taken six minutes for Sungchan to resolutely decide that he wants to eat Eunseok, seemingly. If the vigour of his kiss is anything to go by.
“You’re hard,” Eunseok blurts out in the small gap between kisses he can find. It’s just an observation. He’s still sitting between Sungchan’s legs, and the side of his thigh is pressed up against Sungchan’s erection.
“Of course I’m hard,” he easily admits. He kisses the corner of Eunseok’s mouth, his chin, then peppers his jaw with a few smaller kisses until he gets to the spot right under Eunseok’s ear. “You’re hot, Eunseokie.”
And then he puts his lips on Eunseok’s skin, pulls it between his teeth, and leaves Eunseok with a mottled bruise that stings only a little. He wonders what shade it will turn into by tomorrow morning.
“Me too,” he says, breathless when Sungchan brings his face out of where he’d been sucking a hickey. “I’m hard, too,” he clarifies. Goes as far as to take Sungchan’s hand and bring it to where he’s painfully hard in his pyjama pants. He doesn’t even realize the extent of his arousal until he feels the pressure of Sungchan’s palm. His hips buck up on their own accord, unable to control themselves from seeking the friction from Sungchan’s hand. “Babe—”
“Can I?” Sungchan asks, emphasizing his question by putting more pressure on the heel of his palm. Even if Eunseok thinks he knows what Sungchan is saying, his boyfriend knows that he needs words, too. “Can I jerk you off?”
Eunseok feels dizzy.
“Okay,” he concedes, lifting his hips up as best he can when Sungchan’s hand dives past his waistband. “But,” he begins, breath catching when he feels Sungchan’s huge palm wrap around him for the first time ever. Eunseok has to close his eyes, reeling his thoughts in, and also feeling the pull of dried tear tracks on his face when his features scrunch u[ in pleasure. “You too. Let me jerk you off, too.”
Sungchan doesn’t have to think twice before nodding, mumbling an okay under his breath, and then lifting his own hips as Eunseok fumbles with putting a hand down his pants.
It’s oddly intimate for still leaving things up to imagination. But feeling Sungchan is enough, right now. How hard he is under Eunseok’s hand, how thick he is when he wraps his fingers around the length. How wet he is, too, when Eunseok swipes his thumb over the tip. If he lets himself get carried away, he’s going to start thinking about what Sungchan will feel like in his mouth.
But that’s for another time. Namely, a time when Eunseok doesn’t feel his heartbeat in his throat. It would admittedly be easier to do all of this if they weren’t wearing their pants, but Eunseok notices that they’re both a bit too desperate to do anything except get each other off, at this point.
He thinks that desperation looks good on Sungchan; the way his cheeks are mottled with a warm blush, and the way his hips push into Eunseok’s palm without meaning to. Eunseok has never jerked someone else off before — he’s just doing to Sungchan what he likes on himself — but it seems that his ministrations are enough for his boyfriend.
Their breathing is ragged, the sound of panting, low groans, and sweet moans filling the air in Sungchan’s bedroom. Eunseok wishes he could tell Sungchan how good he sounds, how wet he is, how hot he is, but every time he tries to get words past his throat, Eunseok chokes on his own moans and is left to try to collect himself again and again.
In the end, he has to kiss Sungchan about it.
“You are so hot,” Eunseok finally says after his nth attempt at speaking. His words are more air than anything else, to be fair, but at least Sungchan hears them. “Sungchannie. Almost, babe, I’m so close—”
The next time Sungchan kisses him, Eunseok thinks it can be categorized as an attempt at eating him more than it can be categorized as a kiss. He licks the seam of Eunseok’s lips, enters when the latter opens up for him, and then renders Eunseok breathless with the way he licks along the back of his teeth.
Eunseok shivers. But that might also just be pleasure zipping up his spine as the waves of his orgasm wash over him. Instinctively, he squeezes his hands, and that seems to be all Sungchan needs, too. In the next moment, Sungchan’s cock throbs in Eunseok’s hand, while his fingers and knuckles get painted white with the wet streaks of Sungchan’s cum.
It’s not the worst feeling in the world. In fact, it’s a strange enough sensation that Eunseok wants to take his hand out of Sungchan’s pants and clean his fingers by licking the cum right off them.
So, he does just that. And then smiles sheepishly at the way Sungchan closes his eyes and spews out a litany of curses about what he just witnessed.
“Fuck,” he says, closing his eyes as if to take a break from everything the mere sight of Eunseok is making him feel. The latter decides to take it as a compliment. It probably is one, anyway. “You’ll be the death of me.”
Eunseok blinks, unsure of what to say. What he is sure of is that he’s growing increasingly uncomfortable with Sungchan’s hands still down his pants, where his own cum is beginning to dry into a sticky, tacky mess.
So he takes Sungchan’s hand by the wrist and pulls it out, unable to stop himself from licking Sungchan’s fingers clean, too. Part of him thinks he should be a little grossed out about this, but the depraved part of his brain justifies it. He’ll just make sure to wash his hands really well, and brush his teeth twice tonight instead of once.
“Eunseok,” Sungchan whimpers when he’s done, his saliva-wet hand dropping onto the bed next to him when Eunseok’s done. “Baby, you’ll kill me.”
That’s not what Eunseok wants to do. That’s not something he’ll ever want to do. So he conveys that by kissing Sungchan’s cheek twice, and then telling him he loves him. He’s sure he gets his message across, judging by the lovely smile that blooms on Sungchan’s mouth.
»«
“Was it that bad?”
“No,” Eunseok huffs, staring at his computer screen. He’s gotten good at the art of multitasking when playing this specific game; that’s the only reason he’s able to carry a conversation with Sungchan right now. “I just don’t like how I can’t put on my headphones.”
“You do look cute with your headphones on,” Sungchan nods — probably — agreeing, just not about the same thing.
Eunseok sulks, but knows Sungchan can’t see it since his back is to his boyfriend.
“What about now, then? How do I look without them?” Normally, Eunseok doesn’t go fishing like this. But he’s feeling a little bit worried now — which is why he’s distracting himself by playing a video game — so he thinks he’s allowed to want his boyfriend to make him feel better.
“Pretty,” Sunghchan answers easily. Eunseok can hear him move behind them, courtesy of not having his headphones on, so he doesn’t startle as much as he normally would when Sungchan puts his hands on Eunseok’s shoulders from behind. “I thought you were going to sleep now?”
Eunseok was. He brushed his teeth, cleaned his new piercings — new as in, he got them done eight hours ago; and no, cleaning them was not a fun experience — and put on his pyjamas. He’d been ready to go to sleep, but then he saw the pillows on his bed and freaked himself out. Sungchan had been totally and completely well in his right to worry about how Eunseok would sleep while his piercings were healing. Presently faced with the dilemma himself, Eunseok finds that he can’t even answer the question right now.
“I am,” Eunseok sighs. He spends the next eighteen seconds finishing the current round he’s playing, and before he can be tempted to start another one once it’s cleared, he closes his laptop. “But I’m scared,” he blurts without his video game graphics in front of him to distract him.
“What are you scared of?” Sungchan asks. He spins Eunseok around in his gaming chair, and then steps into the space between Eunseok’s legs. He spends a long while admiring how Eunseok’s new earrings sit in his earlobes before meeting his eyes.
“I don’t know how to sleep now,” he admits, feeling ridiculous once the words leave his mouth.
He feels like for a lot of people — majority of people, if he’s being honest — it isn’t the end of the world to have to lay flat on your back to sleep while waiting for your piercings to heal. In Eunseok’s case, however, it feels much akin to the end of the world: he always sleeps on one side with his blanket pulled up over the ear on his other side. He fears that bugs are able to crawl into his ears when he’s asleep if he doesn’t do this.
He knew it’d be a problem while his ears healed. He just didn’t know it’d be to this extent.
“I have earplugs for you,” Sungchan informs. He isn’t even looking at Eunseok’s eyes anymore — he’s playing with Eunseok’s hair. Which actually does remind him to book an appointment to get his roots redyed. Or he can dye his hair back to black. He’s still unsure which one he wants.
“I don’t like sleeping without hearing what’s around me,” Eunseok frowns. Sungchan knows this, so he doesn’t know why he even mentioned it in the first place.
“I can sleep with you,” he suggests. He says it so nonchalantly that it must have been what he was planning all along. “If that’s okay with you, of course.”
“… Really?” Eunseok thinks he’s right to feel a bit tentative, since he knows that sleeping with him can be a bit… annoying, for lack of better word. “I don’t like touching when I sleep, Sungchan. I feel too hot.” Their beds aren’t the biggest, but it’s not a tight squeeze for two people by any means.
“That’s fine,” Sungchan shrugs, sounding so casual about all of this. Probably because that’s exactly how he feels — because he already knows all of Eunseok’s rules when it comes to sleeping. “As long as it’s fine with you.”
“You’re very nice to me,” Eunseok comments, staring at Sungchan, because even if his boyfriend isn’t looking at him, Eunseok has no choice but to be immensely grateful for the man standing in front of him.
“It’s because I love you,” Sungchan grins — a small thing where only one corner of his mouth quirks up. Then he bends down, kisses Eunseok’s forehead, and helps him stand up. “Let’s go to sleep, Eunseokie. I’ll get the earplugs. Be right back.”
Alone in his room now, even if it’ll only be for a maximum of twenty seconds, Eunseok feels intimidated by the sight of his own bed. The very last thing he wants is an infection alongside bugs potentially crawling into his ear.
But the moment Sungchan comes back, he feels a bit better. Sungchan is going to sleep next to him the entire night — nothing bad can ever happen when Sungchan is by his side.
Nothing bad has ever happened with Sungchan by his side.
As he settles in for the night, Eunseok decides that he’s a very, very lucky person to be someone living his life being loved by Jung Sungchan.