Chapter Text
Killua still loved him. Even after everything. Even after they rescued Gon who turned into a Chimera Ant . He was the same, with the same looking clothes and the same gaze that fell over him, but his eyes weren't brown anymore, they were yellowish and beautiful. He had big eyes and Killua thought that he never paid much attention to Gon’s appearance. His friend was pretty endearing.
The green boots were on him, and for the first time after Morel and Knov conditioned a room for his friend, Gon jumped on him with a bright smile on his face. He was happy and Killua giggled, wrapping his arms around his body. Gon always radiated optimism, but it seemed the Chimera Ant was even more joyful over everything. Kite’s friends gushed him about flowers and nature itself. Gon loved butterflies.
It was as if nothing had happened, but his friend didn’t talk like a person anymore. He didn’t know if something was going on with him or if it was that the Ant was shy because Colt learned rapidly and spoke like another human being, but Gon in his new form was quiet and said his name like it was the most impressive thing in the world.
Knuckle was even more gentle with Gon, and everyone else too. He was still twelve years old, but they didn’t know if he counted as a baby after being born again. Gon’s aunt wanted to know about his nephew, but Killua answered briefly all the letters. Probably Mito-san knew that something was odd. However, she didn’t press.
Gon made drawings and Morel hung them all around the place. Knuckle had cried when he had seen a drawing with him in it, but Shoot rolled his eyes and stuck the paper to the wall. He was getting better at reading and talking as the months passed by, and Killua was troubled. He had to get Alluka to cure Gon. His friend would do the same for him. Also, he deserved an apology. But it was too hard leaving him, it was too hard seeing those yellowish eyes watered when he separated from him for barely a few minutes.
“I will come back soon, Gon,” Killua stated sheepishly. Gon in that form was even less aware of their environment. He was dense in the feelings department, and more blunt than he had been.
“Why? I don’t want you to go, Killua!” Gon hissed threateningly, and Killua patted his head, carefully, under Morel’s gaze.
“I will help you, that’s why,” He continued with a saddened cadence in his voice, but tried to hide it. However, Gon was sharp and intuitive. When someone thought that the boy was always with his head on the clouds, he proved them wrong every moment it happened.
“Something’s wrong with me?” Gon’s tone broke Killua down. The tone carried hurt and washed away memories the Chimera Ant had at times, like somewhere else Gon’s soul was fighting to break free.
Killua's breath hitch after hearing Gon so distressed over a simple sentence. “No, nothing is wrong with you. I just have to do something,” He complied, but Gon raised an eyebrow. He had never seen a cynical gesture on his friend’s face, especially not one of disgust and bad-conceived anger.
“You are lying,” Gon said, simply as that, and Morel's sigh was heard over where they were sitting down. The house had a lovely garden and Gon was living with Kite and Colt. They had fun and played with each other. Kite was another person Gon couldn’t get away from, and Colt understood his Chimera Ant antics. It seemed the man was almost amused at having another young boy in his care too.
“You have to trust me, Gon. I will be back soon, and if you need something. You can call me!” Killua tried to be cheerful, but Gon didn’t move from his place. His hand was grabbing his wrist tightly.
His antennas fluttered angrily over his head and Killua found it mesmerising. But Gon was mad, and he didn’t understand much of his nature. He was new to everything, even if he remembered his friends' names, even if in his mind he had to characterise again all the things he liked or the things he explored.
“I will call you, Killua,” Gon muttered finally and tried to leave without sparing a glance at him. However, Killua didn’t let that moment be their final one. Instead, he gave him a side hug and could see how a simple smile formed on Gon’s lips. His hands were sticky and smaller. His spiky black hair was soft against his neck, and Killua smelled his friend. At least, his smell didn’t change.
“But you have to leave tomorrow. Let’s sleep together!” Gon exclaimed and Killua's flustered cheeks were a sight to behold to everyone who was spying on them.
Fortunately, the sleep came quickly, but he had Gon draped over him like a snake. His soft breath was tingling his chest, and Killua found it a comforting presence but they were too close. They had never been skin-to-skin. His heart was hammering inside his chest, and Gon was resting like he had never slept. He didn’t want to move too much to not disturb his friend.
Killua wished to stay with Gon forever, after travelling around with Alluka like he planned to do. Maybe they could live with her. Maybe Alluka could start a normal life, with friends and people around her like she wasn’t another . Perhaps God could be her first friend.
Seeing Gon so altered, but being so unmistakable him, made something flutter in his stomach. A first love wasn’t something the Zoldyck had discussed. Illumi didn’t have any friends or any lovers he knew. Sometimes he thought that Milluki and Illumi protect themselves using the same shell. At least, they respected their mother more than anyone, more than their father sometimes. He didn’t know if they were in love or if it was more of a convenient marriage between them.
However, Kalluto, Alluka and him were the spares who took the genuine sentiments of the family deep inside them. Poor Kalluto was still trapped in his mother’s web; the boy was always quiet and sharp, but he could feel his longing gaze when Killua was in the house. He barely talked to him and that was selfish of him. In retrospect, he had to try to have a relationship with his brothers again. Especially the youngest ones.
When the morning came, he found Gon watching him with his yellowish eyes, focused entirely on his sleeping frame; he was too expressive. Killua was shirtless, but Gon wasn’t looking at that. He seemed more like someone searching for recognition. “Good morning, Killua!” He piped and retreated.
Gon waited until he changed his clothes to have breakfast and started packing. Kite had done the breakfast. Her reddish hair still caught his eye because it was melancholic knowing that they would never see the man again. “Sit down, Killua. I prepared eggs and a smiley face on the pancakes because Gon wanted it,” She said, rolling her eyes and two plates with a similar style appeared in front of them. Gon clapped lightly and thanked her. Kite was soft with him.
The problem came when Killua claimed that he had to leave which ended with Gon pouting again with trembling lips and chin like it was the most sickening thing in the world to let him go. “He has to visit his family,” Kite said nonchalantly. Gon turned around to look at her with furrowed eyebrows and bitten lips.
“Killua is my family too,” He said so sure of himself that Kite chuckled. Killua nodded after trying to regain some composure around the situation. Gon’s antennas were shifting side to side, on alert, when they heard Colt walking to them and passing a glance to Killua.
After they pried Gon off Killua’s back, he left with a heavy heart to his house which wasn’t a nice affair. His parents were there, and his brothers. They seemed to live in another world , and he could see that from an outside perspective. Gon screeched over him, but in the end, he only followed his figure walking away in the mid-morning.
“Let’s go to train, Gon-kun,” Morel said, swishing his pipe and a toothy smile on his face.
Chimera Ant Gon raised to his feet and moved where Morel had deemed to place a training circle. Suddenly, amid their fighting, Gon tried to use his Nen ability again which made him dizzy and into a panicked state.
“What happened, Gon?” Morel questioned and he didn’t want to touch the boy’s shoulder because he thought he was going to scare him. It was better for Gon to start the touches and the hugs or whatever he wished.
“Pitou killed Kite,” Gon stated as a matter of fact and tears were flowing freely from his eyes. “Where is she?” He clenched his fists.
“She is gone, Gon,” Morel said, easy, and calmly.
“I have to tell Killua!” Gon wiped his tears furiously, but Morel put a placating hand on his shoulder and he realised how the boy recoiled from the sudden intrusion, but he didn’t say anything else.
“He knows already. And we will wait for him, don’t we?” He questioned. Gon was soft and small, his antennas fluttered quickly and his gaze was lost in a maze. His body was trembling, and he murmured something under his breath, but he couldn’t catch what he was saying and perhaps it was better like that.
“Yes, we will wait for him.” Gon nodded eagerly and in an instant his intrusive thoughts were forgotten. Morel frowned because the seriousness of the ex-Gon was shining brightly through him, but in the end, his memories remained close or Gon had chosen to seal them.