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For once, Kaeya wakes slowly. Warmth and peace, that’s what he comes to first. The spring breeze feels nice on his skin and reminds him that there’s a window cracked open, but the light chill of the morning doesn’t reach under the soft covers draped over his waist and legs. There’s none of the tension and stress that usually settles in his shoulders the moment he blinks into awareness, nor any of the unease he’s used to swallowing down with the sunrise. Instead, there’s–
“Morning.”
–a quiet murmur, a warm breath brushing the back of his neck and soft lips pressing into the exposed skin. It burns, in the best possible way. The soft edges of sleep slowly sharpen into reality.
“Morning,” he whispers, scared for a heart-gripping minute that if he’s any louder, if he moves even an inch, that he’ll break this dream-like moment too soon. Because it will , inevitably, break, as all good things in his life have. Kaeya was not meant for peace, nor warmth, nor happiness, but he would like to enjoy this tender pocket in time as long as possible anyway.
Diluc’s arms tighten around his waist as he stiffens, probably coming to his senses finally, and Kaeya braces himself for the cold, waiting for the usual rejection–
“What’s wrong?”
“What?”
That’s not how this goes. Diluc is going off script and Kaeya is still dragging his mind into complete wakefulness, struggling to follow this turn of events.
“You got tense all of a sudden,” Diluc notes with confusion and something like apprehension in his voice. “Are you alright?”
Kaeya feels him shift but doesn’t dare move from where he’s lying on his side, facing away from Diluc. He doesn’t dare look at Diluc because it always hurts a lot worse watching his eyes turn to ice when he tells Kaeya to leave, that they were a mistake – again.
Pushing himself up so he can look down at Kaeya, Diluc asks, careful in a way Kaeya hasn’t heard in a long, long time, “Did I hurt you?”
Last night or in general? Kaeya wants to ask, but he bites down on the words before they can escape into the morning air. He’s tired, so very tired, of faking resentment just to counteract Diluc’s own. He can’t keep doing this.
“No,” he says instead of the truth, skirting around it as he’s so good at doing. “I’m just sore. The usual.”
Diluc hums, but he doesn’t lie back down, and he doesn’t get out of bed, either. An uncomfortable stalemate. Kaeya feels too exposed like this, even though his face is mostly covered by his hair and the eyepatch he never takes off around Diluc. He should probably leave first, make all this easier for himself, but he can’t . It always hurts, either way. And Kaeya is a coward; he’d rather wait and put it off even if it is inevitable.
Warm fingers ghost over Kaeya’s stomach, grazing a jagged scar stretching over his ribs. The calloused tips drag over his skin lightly, almost affectionately, drawing mindless patterns. It is oddly comforting, even though Kaeya can’t reconcile this tenderness with the resentment that usually exists between them.
Diluc settles back down on the bed and pulls Kaeya into his chest gently. “Stop thinking,” he says so softly it’s barely audible even in the silence still enveloping Dawn Winery. Wrapping his arms fully around Kaeya’s middle, Diluc buries his face in the back of Kaeya’s neck and exhales a long, heavy breath. “I’m not going anywhere and neither are you.”
This time, he can’t help the scoff. “Until you decide otherwise, you mean? Why drag it out at all?”
The silence that follows his bitter, too-vulnerable words is far more suffocating and it hangs in the air far too long – long enough for Kaeya’s guts to twist into a familiar coil of self-hatred. He ruins everything, doesn’t he?
When he feels Diluc shift again, he braces for it, but all Diluc does is pull him even closer into his chest, bare bodies now pressed flush together. Unlike Kaeya who runs a normal temperature, Diluc is a furnace, and his body heat easily engulfs Kaeya like a second embrace, blanketing him and shielding him from the cold. It does nothing for the one that centers in his chest and spreads through his veins like poison.
“Never again, Kae,” Diluc says and, this time, there’s nothing soft or tentative about his voice. There’s a steely, earnest quality to it, a promise. “I’ve pushed you away too many times. For that, and everything else, I’m sorry. I will never leave you again, not unless you ask me to.”
A breathless laugh spills from Kaeya’s dry lips, tapering off too soon when he chokes on all the pain he’s carried in his chest since they were barely old enough to be considered men.
As usual, his hard-honed defense mechanism kicks in before the pain can burst out of him and spill all of his carefully-guarded secrets – before Diluc can get a good look at the splintered, jagged remains of his heart.
“What’s different this time, huh? We’ve fucked countless times before and you’ve never changed your mind about hating me. So why now? Was I an exceptionally good whore last night? Have you seen the light by way of orgasm all of a sudden?”
The arms around him tighten, almost too much, but Kaeya remains still as death inside their cage. He could never outrun Diluc’s rage, he’s never really tried. And it is rage boiling inside Diluc right now, Kaeya can feel it. It’s a familiar, almost comforting sensation, despite how it makes his stomach clench and his chest cave in at the thought of how helpless he is right now. Even without their visions – discarded somewhere on the bedroom floor – Diluc is almost twice as strong as Kaeya. If he truly wanted, he could kill him right now. Kaeya may even be thankful. He’s so tired.
“You are not a whore ,” Diluc spits, all fire and righteous fury. “You are my– You…”
Kaeya chuckles but it sounds more like a series of sobs. He wants to goad Diluc further into a furious fit, as is their usual dynamic, but he has to slap a hand over his mouth instead. The sounds slip out anyway, only marginally muffled by his palm, but no less recognizable. He turns his head to bury his face into a pillow and curls into himself. He feels flayed and exposed, and so exhausted he doesn’t think he can pick up the pieces of himself anymore. They’re just scattered about everywhere, useless.
“Kaeya,” Diluc says and it’s the most pained he has ever sounded, just as broken as Kaeya is. “I love you. I have always loved you, despite our history, despite everything .”
The press of his body against Kaeya’s suddenly doesn’t feel as oppressive as a minute ago; the weight of his arms feels lighter too, more like comfort and home rather than a cage. It’s all so nostalgic, he wishes the words were true.
“I never wanted to hurt you,” Diluc confesses in a strained whisper, reminding Kaeya of the boy who used to cry at the drop of a hat, whose emotions were clearly painted on his face, in his expressive eyes. “I have hated myself all these years–”
“Then why,” Kaeya cuts him off as soon as he can speak through the ache piercing his lungs, “did you always leave? Why did you let me feel like you only sought me out for sex, happy to throw me away again the next morning?”
Diluc’s breath shakes and Kaeya can feel it on his neck.
“Why did you lock me out? Why did you stop speaking with me, acknowledging me, even after I gave you four years of space from me?”
“Because I was ashamed,” he admits, wrecked and no longer hiding it. “I was ashamed, that’s it. I was angry, too, in the beginning. That’s why I left – so I wouldn’t take my anger out on you. But then I realized my mistake, I realized… I was wrong. And then I couldn’t face you. I just couldn’t.”
A coward , Kaeya thinks fleetingly, bitterly, just like me .
“You were right to be angry. And betrayed. I deserved–”
“No!” The sharpness of Diluc’s tone snaps like a whip. “You didn’t deserve anything I did to you that night. Regardless of how you went about it all. It was me, I was wrong.”
Something inside Kaeya, a part of him encased in ice and pain, eases. It’s curious how, even after all these years, Diluc’s warmth is all it takes. And maybe now, when he’s far too tired of constantly building his walls back up, Kaeya can let those gentle flames reach all the hurt he’s carried inside for so long. Maybe he can finally let go.
“I’m sorry, Kae.”
Drawing in a shaky breath, Kaeya makes a decision. It’s far too late to erase all the wounds they gave each other and it’s impossible to change their history. But now, maybe some of those wounds can finally heal and, maybe at some point, that history won’t be so painful to look back on anymore.
Slowly, Kaeya twists in Diluc’s embrace just enough to press their lips together clumsily. A soft, cautious kiss. An apology, a plea, forgiveness – everything Kaeya could never bring himself to say, always so afraid of baring his heart again and earning nothing but more scars.
Diluc surges forward, pushing their lips together the instant Kaeya tries pulling back. When he licks into Kaeya’s mouth insistently, Kaeya opens up for him like a flower in spring. This kiss is desperate, aching, and Kaeya easily lets Diluc’s tongue tangle with his, lets him take as much as he needs, melting into him like the very first time he gave himself to Diluc. The angle is uncomfortable, his neck straining unpleasantly, but Kaeya would rather die than break this connection. He’s hungry for it, starved .
Diluc pushes a knee between Kaeya’s legs, deftly prying his legs open and using this new advantage to slide impossibly closer against Kaeya. He’s so warm not even the cool morning air helps chase off some of the heat. But Kaeya doesn't mind, especially when Diluc’s half-hard cock slips in between Kaeya’s cheeks gently. Kaeya’s hole twitches from the proximity alone, rim tingling as if in memory of a phantom stretch. Just last night, Diluc was buried inside him, wrenching an orgasm out of Kaeya so intense he had lost consciousness for a moment.
“Kae,” Diluc murmurs in Kaeya’s ear, finally releasing his mouth. “You’re everything to me.”
The quiet, fervent rasp sends a shiver down Kaeya’s spine, stealing his breath away. He bites his lip when Diluc’s lips close around the lobe of his ear, sucking it into his mouth, grazing his teeth over it.
Warm hands palm over Kaeya’s chest, one brushing over a hardened nipple while the other drags down his stomach, gripping at his skin with a desperate urgency along the way. Diluc traces the plains of his muscles down to his crotch, but his fingers skirt away just before they can touch his growing erection.
“Luc,” he whines quietly, pushing his hips back into Diluc’s and moaning when Diluc’s cock catches on his rim slightly.
“Hmm?”
“Touch me,” he whispers, rutting back desperately but finding no relief when Diluc’s hips suddenly move away.
Hot breath fanning over Kaeya’s spit-slick earlobe, Diluc says, “Alright. I’ll touch you.”
And then he drags his fingers over Kaeya’s belly, scratches his nails over Kaeya’s jutting hip bone, and palms over Kaeya’s ass – a burning trail leading right to his hole, where he dips the very tip of his middle finger and laughs breathily when Kaeya immediately clenches around the intrusion.
“You’re still loose,” he muses in a low rumble that makes Kaeya’s cock twitch. “I bet you’re still slick with my cum.”
Kaeya’s whine breaks on a moan, hips jerking when Diluc buries his finger inside him down to the last knuckle. It stings a bit, but he finds that Diluc is right . When he starts working his finger in and out of Kaeya’s quivering hole, the slide is partially easy and accompanied by an unmistakable wet squelch.
Blood rushes to Kaeya’s face and his cock, but he hides his embarrassment in the pillow. His hips, however, rut back against Diluc’s hand, seeking more. Diluc, thankfully, doesn’t comment, nor make this more difficult for him, simply pushing his index finger into him as well.
The stretch still doesn’t hurt and the dirty sound of Diluc’s cum slicking the way only grows louder as Diluc speeds up his ministrations. His wrist must ache from the awkward angle, Kaeya thinks absently as pleasure spreads through his limbs slowly, like syrup. Diluc makes no indication of possible discomfort, pushing a third finger through the tight ring of muscle and fucking into Kaeya with more strength when he’s met with no resistance.
Kaeya’s rim is nicely strained now, twitching around Diluc’s fingers even as Kaeya’s hole swallows them down eagerly with each thrust. His cock is painfully hard and Kaeya reaches for it with a shaky hand.
“No,” Diluc says softly, pushing his hand away to wrap his own fingers loosely around the base of Kaeya’s cock. He doesn’t do anything, just rests his hand there, cradling the stiff flesh.
“Luc,” Kaeya pleads, fisting the sheets even though he’d much rather jerks himself off to mellow out some of the mounting arousal buzzing in his veins.
Diluc sounds almost distracted when he hums in Kaeya’s ear. “What is it?”
His fingers don’t falter once, fucking in and out of Kaeya’s clenching hole at a steady, languid rhythm. Every time Diluc buries them all the way in, he curves them just barely , just enough to tease at Kaeya’s prostate, but not enough to press into it fully. It’s maddening.
“Touch me,” Kaeya demands with a note of neediness he’s unused to. “Fuck me. Anything.”
Diluc huffs in amusement, pressing his lips to Kaeya’s nape gently. “Can you cum just from my fingers, Kae?”
A moan catches in Kaeya’s throat as he squirms, caught between thrusting his hips into the frustratingly loose hold Diluc has on his leaking cock and rutting back against Diluc’s long, strong fingers.
“Hmm? Can you?”
“I don’t know,” he whispers hoarsely, squeezing around Diluc’s fingers on a particularly rough thrust. “Maybe if you do it properly,” he adds, allowing some of his growing frustration to bleed into his tone.
“Oh? Like this?”
Diluc fucks his fingers into Kaeya as deep as they’ll go and crooks them just right , pushing the tips into that bundle of nerves with so much force that Kaeya keens .
“ Ah– yes,” he pants, rutting his hips to chase that feeling, and relieved when Diluc doesn’t ease up like he expected. Instead, Diluc starts thrusting his fingers into Kaeya with clear purpose, quickening his pace to something bordering on too much after the slow, almost gentle way he fucked Kaeya until just a moment ago.
That familiar high rises like a tide inside Kaeya, instigated by the way Diluc’s fingers keep digging into his prostate with each thrust. The pleasure crests unexpectedly quickly. “Luc, Diluc –”
And then the fingers around Kaeya’s cock suddenly tighten, cutting off his orgasm right before it can burst out of him. Kaeya chokes on a sob, thrashing in Diluc’s embrace, rutting his hips uselessly even as Diluc’s fingers go still inside him.
“No,” he whimpers, grabbing Diluc’s wrist shakily and trying to pull his hand away, trying to make him let go of Kaeya’s pulsing cock. “Let m-me–”
Diluc shushes him gently, pressing kiss after kiss to Kaeya’s nape, between his shoulder blades, just below his ear. Kaeya’s muscles unwind slowly as he focuses on breathing through the painful current of need coursing through his veins. He’s so hard it hurts.
“Good,” Diluc murmurs into Kaeya’s ear but it goes right over Kaeya’s head. Dazed from the denied orgasm, Kaeya barely notices Diluc lifting the thin bed cover off them and throwing it aside. Even fully exposed to the cool air, Kaeya can still only feel the overwhelming warmth of Diluc’s natural heat plastered to his back. “I’ll let you cum,” he says quietly, “if you tell me you love me.”
Kaeya snaps back into focus sharply just as Diluc strokes his cock, just once, his palm dragging drily over the flesh from the base all the way to the tip.
“Luc–”
“I know you do,” Diluc interrupts him, soft and tender, nosing Kaeya’s nape like a cat and brushing his lips over every inch of skin he can reach. “But I need to hear you say it, too.”
What peculiar choice of torture it is, Kaeya thinks distractedly, to ask him for something like that while thumbing at the slit of his cock, spreading precum over the head before dragging it down over the rest of Kaeya’s length with firm, slow strokes. How unfair it is to ask Kaeya to crack himself open again, to willingly make himself vulnerable in exactly the way he’s been terrified of doing for years, while so languidly stoking the heat back into roaring flames in Kaeya’s gut. His palm is rough and calloused over Kaeya’s cock, driving him mad through delightfully coarse friction.
The fingers inside him start up a brutal pace as if they’d never stopped, fucking in and out of him quickly, harshly, in direct contrast with how leisurely Diluc is stroking his cock.
“Please, Kae,” the redhead whispers, like a secret, in the sliver of space between them. “I need to hear you say it. I need to know I’m not alone in this.”
Kaeya opens his mouth to chide him, to ask him how he could possibly think that when Diluc pushes the tips of his fingers into his prostate again, digging them in almost punishingly. A reedy moan falls out instead, and Diluc rewards him by squeezing Kaeya’s weeping cockhead, twisting his wrist just how Kaeya likes it.
“ Ah… Luc–” It’s hard enough to concentrate on Diluc’s touch when he’s not about ready to burst, but with Diluc so intent on dragging him back to the edge in record time, it’s almost impossible to keep hold of his thoughts. “Of course– Ngh … ‘Course I…”
He can’t stop shaking, every single muscle in his body tensing as pleasure surges through him, rising, rising–
“I–” He moans, fucking his hips mindlessly into the tight circle of Diluc’s fingers, clenching around the fingers shoving against his prostate. He falls off the edge gladly, confession burning on his tongue as he cums, “Love you–”
He comes back to himself after a moment that feels longer than it probably was, but by then Diluc is back to holding him gently, firmly in his embrace, pressing his lips soothingly to Kaeya’s sweaty skin. His breathing is calm again and his body buzzes pleasantly. It’s hard to think, though, and even harder to move, but Kaeya wants to make sure there’s no more uncertainty between them.
“I love you, Diluc,” he repeats, much more clearly this time, but no less true. “I always have. And I always will.”