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Luo Binghe wasn't entirely sure where he was.
There was water dripping somewhere far away, indicating the area was vast. It was far too dark for him to make out anything else, so much so it was almost suffocating—made worse by the mustiness coating the air.
This doesn't seem to be any place on Qing Jing Peak. Could it be a test by Meng Mo?
Luo Binghe had only met the elderly dream demon a few weeks ago before accepting him as his mentor, but he certainly wouldn't put it past him to pull something like this, especially since he'd refused to regard him as his shizun.
But I really can't, he thought, surveying the place now that his vision had adjusted. I already have such a wonderful—
"Shizun!"
His voice came out in an alarmed gasp as soon as he spotted the tall, lithe man sitting against the wall, forehead resting against his hand. He was curled up in a way that made him seem so much smaller than usual…almost to the point of frailty, his long, feathery lashes casting shadows on his porcelain skin.
But then those eyes were fluttering open, and he straightened, becoming the assured shizun that Luo Binghe knew him as. "Binghe…?"
"Shizun, what are you doing here? Are you okay?" Luo Binghe cried, rushing toward him. He reached out to help him up, but a rattling noise drew his attention downwards.
There was a chain anchoring Shen Qingqiu to the floor.
He dropped his hands in shock. "Wh-What's going on? Why are you…?"
"I'm fine, Binghe," he said quickly, his voice soothing as he reached out to pat the boy's shoulders. "And we will stay fine, as long as we don't provoke anything. It's just the dreamscape. All we need to do is—"
Before he could finish, he froze, eyes growing large as a shadow suddenly loomed behind Luo Binghe.
"Shizun…?" Luo Binghe prompted, furrowing his brow in concern. "What were you going to say?"
"Yes, Shizun. What were you going to say?"
Luo Binghe jolted at the new voice. It was gentle and smooth, yet it rumbled low, like cracks forming along an iced-over river—hinting at something dangerous swimming underneath.
He whipped around and threw his arm out, instinctively trying to protect Shen Qingqiu even as terror seared through him. "Wh-Who's there!?"
The approaching newcomer was swathed in darkness, with only the flaring crimson of his eyes visible…and the demon mark on his forehead, shaped like a flame.
The same demon mark that Luo Binghe had—the one he did his best to keep hidden.
His eyes widened in disbelief. "It can't be… You—You're…"
"Mn." The man stepped out into the light. He still had a boyishness to his face, with strong eyebrows, a slender nose, pale skin, and light pink lips. But even with the natural softness to his features, his pitch black eyes exuded frost in their vermillion glow, his lips slowly stretching into a malicious smile. "Hello, Shizun." He stopped and glanced down at Luo Binghe. "And hello, little me."
Luo Binghe felt as if he had been struck by lightning. He was staring at himself.
"Luo Binghe" watched with barely concealed amusement, folding his arms. "What's wrong, little me? All starstruck by my presence?" His tone was teasing, but laced with something odd.
"Leave him alone," Shen Qingqiu warned, already drawing himself upwards. While the chain tied to his ankle clanked loudly, he still managed to appear domineering as he stepped forward with narrowed eyes.
"Luo Binghe"'s gaze slid down to that chain. "I'm afraid you're no longer the one in control." His smile widened, revealing white, fang-like canines as his eyes curved. "Now, for once, you must listen to me."
"Stay away from my shizun!"
His older self regarded him mockingly. "Silly child, we share the same shizun. You can't just keep such a delicacy to yourself. Wouldn't you say that's fair?" He eyed Shen Qingqiu. "Hm, Shizun?"
The man looked away.
"I-I don't care! You can't touch him!" he shouted, unsheathing his sword. He wasn't sure what this older version of himself wanted, but he didn't like how he was eyeing Shen Qingqiu, as if he was nothing more than meat to be consumed.
Seeing the blade pointed at his throat, something flickered in "Luo Binghe"'s eyes that made him pause. "Zheng Yang. How nostalgic." He ran two fingers lightly over the metal, eyelids falling to half-mast as that flicker became a reminiscing glimmer. "It's been years since I last saw it, having lost it long ago…back at the Immortal Alliance Conference…"
Luo Binghe's eyebrows creased. How could he have lost Zheng Yang? A cultivator is nothing without his sword. What happened to him? To me?
Sensing his confusion, "Luo Binghe" chuckled. "Ah, that's right. It must not have happened for you yet. It was back when Shizun—"
"Don't."
Both versions of Luo Binghe turned toward Shen Qingqiu, and the younger one was terrified to see that same frailty from before had returned. The man's eyes were closed, his eyelashes quivering against his pallid cheeks, emphasizing dark circles that Luo Binghe had never noticed before.
"Just don't," Shen Qingqiu murmured again.
The expression on "Luo Binghe"'s face immediately contorted and he sneered, "How hysterical of Shizun to keep pretending you actually care about him."
The man flinched but said nothing.
"Did you really think you can just sweep all your crimes under the rug, as if you are so virtuous, so kind, so magnanimous…?" he scoffed. "You really are nothing more than just a filthy rat."
"How could you bear to call him that?" Luo Binghe cried in horror.
He could see "Luo Binghe" rolling his eyes, yet the older version of himself barely spared him a glance. He kept his scarlet eyes solely on Shen Qingqiu. "Is that why?" he demanded. "Because he's so innocent? Because he's so naïve? Because you enjoy being able to keep such an eager little puppy around, even after you've kicked it away?
"Did you do all this because I was stupid enough to hope you would one day magically turn around and care about me?"
Luo Binghe didn't miss that the pronouns had shifted from "he" to "I," a detail that made his heart clench as he grappled with his disbelief. "What happened to you? Why do you carry so much hatred toward Shizun, when Shizun is so kind?"
As if his words were tinder for a flame, "Luo Binghe" finally spun toward him, snapping, "What are you so confused for!? How do you not see that he doesn't value you!?"
"But he does!"
"Luo Binghe" curled his lip back in disgust. "No wonder he's deceiving you. You make it so easy."
"I don't understand how you don't know. Shizun has done so much for me, and he's always so patient, caring, and kind… He once promised me I'll never be in danger again with him around; he gave me a special martial arts manual; he let me stay in his bamboo cabin; he's healed me using his own spiritual energy; and—and so much more!"
"Binghe…" There was something soft and surprised in Shen Qingqiu's tone, and Luo Binghe looked back at him reassuringly.
"Don't worry, Shizun. I'll protect you."
"Why are you so eager to throw your life away!? How was I ever this foolish?"
Luo Binghe tensed as his counterpart advanced again, causing him to tighten his grip on Zheng Yang. "S-Stay back…"
"You fear me?" His older self barked out a laugh, but it was devoid of any mirth, sounding like shattered glass. "The one you should fear is the monster behind you! The one who's going to betray you and make you wish you killed him when you had the chance! The one you'll wonder why you ever wasted so much time trying to make happy."
Luo Binghe saw Shen Qingqiu turn away, a sadness in his downturned eyes. He felt rage course through him on his shizun's behalf. "Stop it! You're not allowed to slander him like that!" he yelled at his counterpart.
"He deserves every bit of this hurt, for all the hurt he's caused me," "Luo Binghe" spat back. He was so close now, and Luo Binghe could see his eyes flaring crimson again, reminding him of drops of blood.
He shuddered. But even if his heart was pounding with all the force of a hundred galloping horses, he was determined to safeguard the man who'd done so much for him.
Yet as always, Shen Qingqiu moved to safeguard him.
"Binghe, no—stay behind me," he urged hurriedly, pushing him back.
Not only did Luo Binghe pause at that, "Luo Binghe" did as well. He stared at Shen Qingqiu with a complicated look in his eyes. "You—You're genuinely shielding him?"
Shen Qingqiu turned to face him. "It's me you want," he stated plainly. "Leave him be."
The complicated look was flashing now, a fire erupting from a spark. "Why…" He trailed off, clearly frustrated. It was some time before he spoke again, and when he did, he growled out through clenched teeth, "Why are you suddenly doing this? What changed? First, wanting to heal that other 'Luo Binghe' in the bamboo cabin, and now this…"
Shen Qingqiu's eyebrows drew together, bewildered. "What are you saying…?"
"That it isn't fair!" "Luo Binghe" exploded. "If you are capable of kindness, why weren't you!? Why choose him!?" He jabbed out his own sword at Luo Binghe, causing the latter to jump. He was again stunned by just how much his older self had embraced his demonic heritage—the power of the blade's demonic energy nearly bowled him over.
"I don't—I don't understand—"
"I'm asking you why you can be kind to him—why it seems you can be kind to any Luo Binghe—but not to me! What did I ever do to deserve your hatred!?"
Shen Qingqiu's eyes widened. "Binghe…"
And just like that, "Luo Binghe" snapped. Before either of them could process what was happening, he surged forward and grabbed Shen Qingqiu by the arm, nostrils flaring as his eyes blazed bright in the darkness. His fingers tightened on Shen Qingqiu's shoulder—
—Before he ripped off his arm.
Luo Binghe's vision burned. His eyes were stretched so wide they hurt, irises shrinking as his mouth fell open. Time was slowing. He couldn't move. He couldn't think. He could only hear the storm of shrieks inside his head, terror and rage and madness all smashing together like cymbals crashing. It felt as if he'd been the one torn open, everything spilling out until the world was scarlet.
His eyes blazed scarlet. He didn't even notice. All he could notice was the waning silhouette of Shen Qingqiu—his shizun—the man he'd vowed to keep safe and happy—crying out as his blood sprayed into the air like a spider lily blooming. It was so much blood. It splashed into an arc, a vibrant ruby plume against the black.
He saw his beloved shizun convulsing, gasping for air. He saw him stumble backwards, lifting a shuddering hand to his now empty socket.
He saw red.
When his older self reached for Shen Qingqiu's leg, he lunged at him with a downwards slice of Zheng Yang. "Don't touch him!" he screamed.
His opponent jumped back, the blade narrowly missing his wrist. He smirked wryly as he once again drew his own sword. "So you are just like me, after all."
"I'm nothing like you!"
"Are you sure about that?" "Luo Binghe" dodged another two swings of his sword. "You wanted to sever my hand, didn't you? You'll see when you become me, how gratifying it is to punish—"
"I'm not you, and I don't want to become you!" he interrupted, bristling.
The two exchanged more blows, metal clanging harshly against metal, silver gleaming white-hot in the dim light, showering sparks into the air.
But "Luo Binghe" really was too powerful for his young counterpart.
"Enough fooling around," he said, bringing his sword down. The demonic power of his older self shoved him back and nearly knocked him down. "Luo Binghe" let out a malevolently amused chuckle at his struggles to block him. "You think you're so virtuous, with your Qing Jing Peak teachings about not harming others? Then why did you aim to cut off my hand?"
"Because you deserve it!"
"Luo Binghe"'s face darkened. "The one who deserves harm is the one behind you!" he roared, putting on another burst of demonic energy that sent the smaller version of him tumbling backwards.
The sudden fluctuation of his temper caused part of the dreamscape to begin cracking, and the chain anchoring Shen Qingqiu to the ground dispersed with a groan.
Just as "Luo Binghe" was about to finish his younger self off, something flashed through the air like a beacon, beating his sword back. Both young and old turned to see Shen Qingqiu's ashen complexion but narrowed, determined eyes—and his lifted hand.
His spiritual energy.
"Luo Binghe" was stunned—and even more stunned when he realized the chain was gone. As Shen Qingqiu slowly rose to his feet, he hissed, "You're still protecting him?"
Shen Qingqiu flinched but ignored him, hobbling to his Luo Binghe's side. He fixed "Luo Binghe" with a calm, cold glower—which only made the other man's heart and his demon mark burn brighter.
"You really…care for him that much? You…"
Shen Qingqiu raised his hand. He glanced at his disciple beside him. "Binghe, ready your formation!"
"Yes, Shizun!"
They held their palms together and a simple offensive array lit up in front of them. Luo Binghe could see consternation flit across his elder self's face, as if he didn't recognize the attack. That realization made "Luo Binghe"'s expression shift again, irises becoming pinpricks of vibrant red, with his lips pulling back to reveal rows of sharp teeth. His hair rose with the sheer force of his demonic energy, which was now rolling off him in waves.
Luo Binghe had never thought he could appear so terrifying.
Just as fire erupted in "Luo Binghe"'s palm, they unleashed the blast of their spiritual energy together.
A groan leaked from "Luo Binghe" as he was forced backwards, and Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe both leaped at him. He glared between them with rage writ large all over his features, and he swung his sword to block Shen Qingqiu first.
"So at the end of the day, I'm the one Shizun hates the most?" He pressed in even closer until their noses were practically brushing, that crazed light from before once again in his eyes and his twisted smile.
Shen Qingqiu just shook his head before jumping back.
"Luo Binghe" chased after him. "Continuing to deny it even now?" A cackle burst forth from him, but it was a ruptured, cacophonous noise, so pitiful and broken, like it had been carved out by a knife. "If you didn't detest me—if you truly cared about me the way you claim to care for him—then how can you stand to do this to me?"
They exchanged a few more blows, swords nothing more than black and silver streaks meeting in bursts of white.
"Why won't you answer me!?" "Luo Binghe" demanded in a thunderous boom, swinging his sword upwards in a flash of purple-black demonic energy.
Shen Qingqiu narrowly avoided the hit, and his lips twisted into a severe frown. "Binghe…!" he warned, his voice low.
"You're finally willing to acknowledge me now?" He took a step forward. "You still dare say you don't hate your disciple—?"
"With the way you're acting, he should hate you!" Luo Binghe interrupted, slicing toward him with Zheng Yang.
Having been distracted by their shizun, "Luo Binghe" let out a grunt when he wasn't able to dodge in time and metal grazed his skin. Inky blood welled up almost immediately after. He drew back with a pained hiss, tentatively holding his arm.
Shen Qingqiu sighed, lowering Xiu Ya.
"Shizun…?" Luo Binghe questioned, glancing at him.
His shizun's features had abated now, pity filling his eyes. "Binghe," he said, voice quiet, "I know what I did to you is unforgivable. But I can't let you injure this younger version of yourself."
"Luo Binghe," who had just been staring up at his shizun with wide-eyed disbelief—transforming him back into a version of himself that Luo Binghe could actually recognize—narrowed his eyes again and sneered, staggering upwards. "So in the end, it's him you care about."
Shen Qingqiu shook his head. "How do you not see, you silly child?"
"See what?" he snarled back. "That I'm nothing more to you than—"
"Binghe."
His older self suddenly froze, because Shen Qingqiu had just rested his hand on his head. He jerked his face upwards in shock, being met with his shizun smiling in exasperation and amusement…with something fond wrapped inside.
"You are Binghe to me." He listed his head as his smile grew. "My disciple. And you've done so well despite the hardship you've faced, becoming such a powerful leader.
"But I hope that from here on out, you'll let yourself just be you—to just be Binghe. This master hopes you can heal—gently, at whatever pace needed—so you will stop being held back by your past."
"Shizun…"
"I-I know it's difficult when you were scarred so badly, and for what I've done to you…this master deeply apologizes."
"Luo Binghe" swallowed thickly, and to his younger counterpart's shock, tears began pooling in his eyes, clumping in his thick lashes like stars. "You… Why do you always do this to me…? Whether you're kind or cruel, it's always as if you are twisting a knife into my chest… I just can't win against you, can I, Shizun?
"Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to hear something like that from you?"
"Mn…I-I know."
"So why does it still hurt?"
Shen Qingqiu's brow furrowed even more, and he stroked "Luo Binghe"'s hair a few times, but he didn't speak.
The bizarre scene continued for a few beats longer, until the dreamscape fractured even further. "Luo Binghe" seemed to snap out of the daze he was in and shoved Shen Qingqiu away.
"Shizun!" Luo Binghe cried, rushing forward to catch him. To his surprise though, the push had been done without any real force.
And now the room was cracking around them.
His older self stared at the duo for a couple seconds, his expression unreadable, except for perhaps something akin to agony, before he reached for his sword. Luo Binghe quickly tensed.
But the blade actually began trembling, as if resisting his call while the dream fell apart.
"Binghe…if your emotions are too turbulent, Xin Mo won't…"
"I know," "Luo Binghe" exhaled. He lowered his hand and met gazes with Shen Qingqiu. "Shizun. Until—Until next time."
"…Mn."
He then swept his gaze toward his counterpart, something complicated pulsating within his eyes. "You better grow up big and strong," he said. "So you can do the things you're supposed to."
"I will." Luo Binghe paused, before he added, his tone becoming somewhat challenging, "So I can protect Shizun."
His older self snorted but didn't refute him.
That was when Luo Binghe noticed he almost seemed to be fraying at the edges as the room shattered. Then it all became ink draining into water as a different darkness—more reminiscent of the night sky than a stifling dungeon—stretched out overhead. Luo Binghe scanned the area. The dreamscape, he realized. It's receding.
He sent "Luo Binghe" a bewildered look, but the man just grinned wryly at him. His red eyes were wet.
And at last he was gone, lost to the night of their subconscious.
When Luo Binghe's eyes fluttered open again, it was sunlight that greeted him. And it was warm, and golden, and beautiful, with birds tittering and cicadas buzzing outside in the early morning summer heat. He sat there in bed for a while, breathing heavily, before slapping his face in an attempt to feel more awake.
Before he'd even fully settled back into himself, the door burst open, causing him to turn around.
Shen Qingqiu blinked back at him from the doorway, with only an outer robe thrown over his inner robes, hair down and mussed from sleep. "Binghe…"
Roused from his shaken state, Luo Binghe jumped out of bed. "Shizun!" He practically threw himself into the man's arms, nuzzling into him in relief.
"Are you alright?" Shen Qingqiu pulled back slightly, his eyebrows bunched together as he inspected his condition. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine, Shizun," he said reassuringly, and he was so touched he could cry—so he did.
"Then why are you crying?" Shen Qingqiu sounded anxious as he patted the boy's back soothingly, and the gesture was so sweet that Luo Binghe only sobbed harder, burying himself even deeper into his shizun's chest.
"I-I'm just really glad," he hiccuped. "Really glad that you're okay, but also really, really sorry… This disciple is far too useless…"
Hearing his disciple's lament, Shen Qingqiu sighed in affectionate exasperation. "What are you talking about?"
"I keep endangering Shizun! It's my fault you've had to endure so much again and again, and this time it was m-me attacking you, and I couldn't even save you, a-and…"
"Binghe, listen to me. What happened in the dreamscape last night wasn't your fault." Shen Qingqiu let him go again, but kept his hands planted firmly on his shoulders. He kneeled down so that he was eye-level with his disciple, and he soon broke out into a gentle smile. "This master knows how good you are. You aren't the same Luo Binghe who was willing to harm me—in fact, you tried very hard to protect me, and you did very well."
"But I—he—nevertheless wounded you!"
"He did, but that was just in the dreamscape." Shen Qingqiu lifted the arm that had been ripped off and used it to pat his head reassuringly. "You see? Aren't I fine now?"
The touch made the ache in his heart dull slightly, and he sniffled as he dipped his head. "Mn."
"Besides, I am your shizun, so I should protect you. It's only natural; my spiritual energy is more refined and I have had far more experience and training, after all."
Luo Binghe nodded. Of course. Shizun is right, he thought, with his resolve hardening where he'd previously let pain take over. He swallowed and rubbed his eyes free of those anxious, burning tears. "This disciple understands."
"Understands what…?"
He lifted his chin. "I will get stronger in order to better protect Shizun," he pledged. "I will put my all into training so that this will never happen again, whether it's in real life or in a dream. If anyone dares harm Shizun again, I will get vengeance a hundredfold!"
"Th-That's really not necessary," he murmured. "This master would rather you forget that dream and just continue to live peacefully as you deserve…"
"I can't forget it. And even if I could, I will never forget this promise."
Shen Qingqiu bit his lip as he shifted his gaze away. "But Binghe…what if this master ever has to do something that hurts you the way it hurt that Luo Binghe…?"
"You wouldn't," he said, entwining the other's fingers with his own. "And even if you did, I will never—ever—become that Luo Binghe!"
His eyes widened, and Luo Binghe was struck with just how sweet he appeared. He's so taken aback just by the promise of someone looking out for him for once, rather than having them rely on his kindness like always. There even seemed to be guilt glowing within his hazel eyes, as if him leaning on others would be a crime.
Luo Binghe gave his hands a squeeze, and when he finally turned back to him, he met those beautiful hazel eyes with both adoration and determination—the same adoration and determination that filled his voice as he vowed, "Shizun, in the future, this disciple will look after you."