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Tally stared at the clock on her wall, watching as the minutes ticked by. It had been over two hours since she and Sarah had fought, and she was starting to get anxious. The weather had only worsened, the snow coming down heavier, Tally couldn't shift the uncomfortable feeling which had settled low in her stomach that something was wrong. The snow storm which had swept in earlier in the day was unforgiving, Tally even struggling to see her truck which was parked outside her house through the window, and even though Sarah was more familiar with the roads now than a few months ago she still was unused to driving in such conditions.
Tally couldn’t help but smile to herself when she thought back to that first meeting; the memory of Sarah ranting and raving at her car where it was resting, it's perched at an awkward angle, two wheels stuck in the thick mud and mulchy grass of the embankment which ran down the side of the winding country lane that led into the town. She had been so righteous, so full of fury and passion, that had equally angered and interested Tally in equal measure.
Over the passing months, the conflicting feelings had remained; Tally was in one moment incested and infuriated by Sarah as her actions, which in the next breath, found herself enamoured by her intelligence and mystery. Sarah Alder was an engima which Tally had yet to fully crack, but through the months the steely facade which Sarah had so expertly forged for herself had started to slip, and Tally, while still sometimes irritated by her, had found it ebbing away, instead being replaced with privilege at being allowed to witness more of her softer side.
Their arguments over the months had softened in their fire, each learning to repsect the other and coming to an empasse. But today's was different. Borne of fury and passion, Sarah had never seemed so enraged, so incested. After they had screamed at each other, the stood silently appraising the other one, the air thick with tension, neither daring to utter another word for fear of breaking the silence which stretched between them. Until Sarah did break it, turning on her heel and storming towards the door, spine rigid and radiating anger. Now she was calmer, Tally could so vividly remember the way which Sarah hesitated at the door, the way her hand gripped the handle, knuckles white and shoulders tense, hesitating as if there was something else on the tip of her tongue that she wanted to voice. Tally herself had nearly cracked as well, a flickering voice in her head telling her to not let Sarah leave, not let her walk out that door, beg her, if she had to, to turn around and stay.
But they were both too pig-headed and stubborn to be the one who backed down first, and so Tally stayed quiet, and after a beat of silence from Sarah, she swung the door open and stormed out into dusky air.
And really, Tally had no reason to be angry in the first place at Sarah, which made it all the worse. Tally had no right to know anything about Sarah’s life, even now let alone before she moved to the town. So what if an ex who Tally had never heard of had turned up? Tally had no place in dictating Sarah’s life and actions to her, but it didn’t mean that it didn't sting when Tally had found out that Sarah had agreed to meet Nicte. Tally shivered as she remembered their fight, the misplaced jealousy she felt as she deduced who Nicte was, the silence that confirmed her suspicions.
“Who is Nicte Batan?”
Why Tally thought she had the right to demand that information after one snarky remark from the woman in the coffee shop earlier in the day was beyond Tally, but something about the woman’s attitude, the way she spoke to Tally, the way she spoke about Sarah had fuelled a fire within her that she just couldn’t quell.
And now, Sarah was out there somewhere.
Tally had tried to tell herself that she was at home, safe and warm, sheltered from the storm, but something within her gut was just telling her it wasn’t so.
Grabbing her phone, she opened her recent calls, smiling when she saw that most of them were either outgoing or incoming from Sarah. She hit the contact, holding the phone up to her ear and anxiously biting the side of her nail in a habit which she hadn’t done in months.
Not since Sarah came into your life.
When the phone rang out, hearing Sarah voice greet her through the pre-recorded message, Tally screamed through gritted teeth. There was still a logical explanation, the phone network could be down due to the snow, or Sarah could have left her phone somewhere in the house not near her, but it did nothing to ease Tally’s nerves.
It only took a few seconds before Tally’s mind was made up, as she shoved her phone into her trousers pocket, and stormed towards the door, pulling her thick winter coat from the hook on the wall and pulling it on before throwing open the door and bracing the harsh weather.
***
Sarah shivered and pulled her coat tighter around herself. It had been a little over an hour since she had walked out of Tally’s house and into the frigid winter air. She hadn’t wanted to, the pull of wanting to tell Tally everything stronger than it ever had been with anyone else before, but Sarah had grown so hardened over the years that it was a reflex to snap back, retaliate with harsh silences and brutal coldness.
Her heart clenched as that flicker of hurt which passed over Tally’s face played over in her mind once more. She should have just been honest about her reasons for moving to town.
Tally was the least judgemental person she had ever met, the kindest, warmest heart which burst with love for all. She admitted that when she had first met her, she had found her seemingly endless optimism naive and somewhat foolish, the product of a young life not yet touched by grief or hurt.
But as the two danced around each other, as their orbits continued to circle, the universe intent on throwing them together, Sarah had found her once cold, black heart thawed by the younger woman's boundless joy. She reminded her of the things she had for so long thought she was undeserving of, of the things she had been told were out of her reach, through a life of servitude and control; first to her family, then to her job and finally to Nicte.
Nicte-fucking-Batan.
Even now she couldn’t be rid of her, the woman intent on destroying Sarah's life even though she had no real need to anymore. Tally would understand, something in Sarah’s mind thought distantly, because Tally understood more than most. Tally wouldn't judge, or mock, wouldn't belittle her or invalidate her.
But still the idea of telling her, voicing out loud what she had gone through, what she had given up and lost was too much to handle. Not only had she built the fortress around her heart to stop anyone from doing what Nicte had done to her again, but it also served protection from the judgement of others. No one would believe the person Sarah had become in the years she had spent with Nicte. Sarah was already practically untouchable to most, the best of the best, the irrefutable pinnacle which so many look up to. Admired and feared in equal measure, Sarah had worked hard to be where she was. Nicte knew that Sarah would never admit to the world what had happened behind closed doors and it only served her crusade to destroy her even more.
Sarah shivered, although it was less to do with the cold which was seeping into her bones, and more to do with the memories which were now invading her mind, each bringing with it a visceral physical reaction which raced through Sarah's weary body.
Closing her eyes, she tried to focus on Tally, rather than Nicte.
Tally before the fight.
Not angry Tally.
Not hurt Tally.
But the Tally who smiled at her that first time they had met in the coffee shop.
Tally, who she had bumped into on her early morning hike one time, and had somehow managed to not pick up on Sarah's frosty, stand-offish nature, spending the next hour chatting excitedly about the woodland and mountains they were walking through.
Tally, who ever since had joined her on those morning hikes whenever she could. She thought of the way that Tally was so open with her heart and her words; always telling Sarah when she was impressed or happy with something, the way she would casually speak to anyone they met.
She thought about the passion and excitement when she talked about trees and forests she seemed so at home in. The sadness which crossed her face and laced every word when she mentioned her family. The joy and excitement when she found something new or interesting. The way her damn dimples popped every time she smiled. The way she made Sarah feel seen and yet vulnerable, made her want to be more, be better and yet hide away.
Yeah, Tally Craven was a puppy in human form, and Sarah both hated and loved that about her.
Love.
Could Sarah love again? She wasn’t so sure, she was convinced that her heart was too broken, her soul too damaged to even begin contemplating something such as that again.
But Tally…Sarah could love again for Tally. If only Tally would love her back.
Sarah was pulled out of her thoughts when a bright light flashed in her rearview mirror, blinding her as it did so. She squinted, her heart picking up slightly that someone might be able to help her out.
When she’d driven away from Tally, she had been so consumed with the tsunami of emotions which were swelling up inside of her, that it made for concentrating difficult, the situation only made more perilous by the snow which seemed to fall heavier with each passing minute. As if the skies were projecting her tumultuous heart, the flakes swirled and spiralled in the wind, obscuring her vision, the headlights of her car barely cutting through the blanket of white which was falling down. She had been lucky really, when she felt the car slide and the steering shake from her hands, that she had managed to have enough foresight to not panic, but the car had still skidded across the road, it’s nose slipping down the banking before coming to a stop. Sarah had tried to back it out, but the wheels spun as she revved the engine, and after a couple of attempts she gave up with a frustrated growl and thump of the steering wheel. But maybe the lights which had now stopped behind her would be able to give her a lift into town, or back to Tally’s…
The sound of someone knocking on the window, startled Sarah from where her thoughts were already starting to slide back to Tally, and she jumped, shock instantly soothed by familiar chestnut eyes which stared back at her.
“Tally?” Sarah wound the window down, shivering at the blast of cold air, even though she was already frozen. “Tally what are you doing here?”
“I was coming over to yours to see you and saw your car…are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m,” Sarah stopped short when Tally wiped a gloved hand across her face, clearing it of the flakes of snow which had blown and settled on her cheeks. “It’s freezing, you should get back in your car.”
“That would defeat the point since I was coming to find you, and now I have. Are you hurt?”
“Tally—”
“Are you hurt?” Tally repeated, leaving no room for discussion.
Sarah sighed, recognising the still underlying tone of frustration in Tally’s voice. “No. I just lost grip a little bit, and seemed to have become wedged. But, no I am fine, I was just waiting for the snow to stop before walking towards town.”
Tally nodded, her shoulders relaxing somewhat at the confirmation that Sarah wasn’t injured. “Okay, well, I'll give you a lift. We can call someone to come tow your car tomorrow.”
Sarah nearly argued, until the little voice in head told her that not only that that would be stupid, because she was stuck, and cold, and Tally was offering a warm car ride, but also that this was Tally; who despite the fact they had just argued, had come out in this atrocious weather to find Sarah, and was offering her an olive branch in doing so.
Sarah sighed, and nodded sharply, before Tally quickly disappeared from her view. Sarah dragged herself from the car seat, stepping out onto the icy road and pulling her coat tighter around her as the wind whipped through her hair. Tally had already strode off ahead, back towards her car, and even in the spotlight of her headlights, Sarah could still see the tense hold of her shoulders, recognising that even though Tally had come to find her, there was still something simmering under the surface. She guessed that could be expected though, Sarah herself was still smarting from the conversation they had had, and she suspected that it wouldn’t be entirely resolved until they spoke properly.
And that would involve Sarah opening up to Tally, if she didn’t want to lose this fledgling connection which they had so tentatively cultivated.
“Are you coming?” Tally’s voice echoed through the night air, and Sarah realised that she had been standing staring.
“Yes."
Sarah watched as Tally spun back around, taking another step, before she saw the reflective shimmer on the ground, peeking out from the freshly fallen snow.
“Tally be care—”
Sarah's warning came a second too late, Tally’s boot landing on the icy sheet and immediately shooting out from under her. Sarah watched as Tally’s body flung backwards, her arms spiralling as her body’s reflexes tried to right herself, but no match to the smooth, tractionless ground beneath her. With a sickening crack, Tally landed on the cold, hard ground, and for a second, everything stood still, before Sarah’s body propelled into action, launching itself the few feet which stretched between them before coming to land on her knees in front of Tally.
“Tally? Tally, can you hear me?”
Tally groaned, squirming on the cold ground, and her eyes fluttered open.
“I’m fine,” she mumbled, although the grimace when she tried to sit up told Sarah otherwise.
“You’re not fine,” Sarah replied, and she schooled back the waver in her voice that was threatening to break through.
“I am. I just went down with a bit of a thud.”
“I heard your head hit the road!” Sarah admonished, eyes roving over every part of Tally as she once again tried to sit up.
“I definitely think I’m going to feel it tomorrow,” Tally answered, as she finally came upright, Sarah holding steadfastly onto her shoulders to support her. “Can you help me up?”
“Are you sure?” Sarah asked, still appraising Tally for any obvious injuries.
“Yeah, my butt is going numb sitting on this ice.”
Sarah’s lips twitched into a small smile, resolutely trying to not to think of Tally's butt, instead trying to keep her mind on helping Tally.
Shuffling around, she dug her boots into the snow, nudging them back and forth a little to make sure she had a good grip, before sliding her hands down Tally’s arms and gripping her mitten covered hands and hoisting Tally upright. Tally swayed a little, and Sarah’s arm instantly came to cradle around her waist, unsure if it was the unforgiving ground or her head which was making her seem unsteady.
“Okay?” Sarah asked softly.
“Yeah, okay,” Tally replied, nodding her head before grimacing. “Nope, can’t do that.”
“Come, let’s get you back in the truck and then I can check you out properly.”
With small timid steps, Sarah led Tally back to her car, opening the back door and gesturing for Tally to get in.
***
Tally slid into the back seat of her truck at Sarah's insistence that there was more space for her to check her over. Tally honestly didn't have the ability to argue; the row they'd had earlier in the day had drained her, her body running on the last dregs of adrenaline before she even took a slip on the ice and smacked her head.
She tentatively poked at the back of her head, not feeling anything but what she was sure would be one hell of a bruise in the morning. Her fingers were softly batted away, and she looked to Sarah who gave her an admonished look.
“Leave it alone.”
“It's fine,” Tally argued weakly.
“Have you suddenly grown eyes in the back of your head?” Tally’s eyebrows raised in response to Sarah's tone. “No, I didn’t think so. Let me take a look at it.”
With a sigh, Tally shifted round, her back to Sarah. She hissed at the first gentle pressure of Sarah's fingertips on her scalp, but the way she gently parted her hair, and stroked through it soothed her. An image of Sarah, running her fingers through Tally’s hair as she was lulled to sleep flashed through Tally’s mind, but quicker than it appeared she pushed it away, unable to indulge while things were still so precarious between them.
She wasn’t sure what she was going to say when she found Sarah, no one conversation starter seeming any easier than the next as she cycled through them in her brain on the drive. But any ideas she had were thrown out of the window with that damn ice patch and her shitty luck.
“Tally…” Sarah's voice was soft and echoed from just behind her, her breath tickling across her skin. “I want…I'm…” Tally felt Sarah huff out a breath, clearly frustrated, but willed herself to stay silent. “I am sorry, for what I said to you earlier.”
Tally felt her heart clench at the unexpected apology. It was clear Sarah wanted to say something, but she had never expected it to be an apology so quickly. Tally had really expected she would need to work for that. Sarah didn't seem like the type of person to back down easily, but then again if this evening had proven anything it was that Tally didn't really know Sarah as well as she thought she did. A shuddering breath behind her signaled that Sarah was about to speak again.
“I never expected to see Nicte again. I thought she was gone, out of my life for good. So when I saw her, talking with you, I…”
Tally felt Sarah's hands drop and brush her shoulders on their way down. She glanced over slightly, seeing them rest on Sarah's knee where she was perched on the edge of the car seat. She risked her chance, reaching over and laying her hand over Sarah's uncharacteristically fidgeting fingers. At the gesture, Sarah's blue eyes snapped up, catching Tally’s gaze.
“You don't have to tell me.”
Sarah laughed, a wet huff of breath tinged with unshed tears.
“But isn't that what you wanted to know?”
“Yes. But I realise now you don't owe me an explanation. Whatever we have…had, it doesn't give me the right to know everything about you.”
Tally felt Sarah's hand flip over underneath hers, twisting their fingers together.
“For the first time in a long time, I want to tell someone. But telling you, Tally, laying myself bare for you to see, all my failures on display…it's terrifying.” Sarah’s free hand came up, brushing a lock of hair which had fallen loose behind Tally’s ear. The surprisingly gentle act made Tally’s heart race, and as Sarah’s palm lingered by her cheek, she had to fight with everything in her not to lean into her warmth. Sarah’s voice was even softer still when she started speaking again. “You were right, back at the house. We are connected. I feel it too.”
“Sarah,” Tally said on a breath, and she didn't know what she was asking for, if she was asking anything at all, but Sarah's acknowledgement of what they had both been feeling simultaneously soothed Tally’s frantic nerves and made her chest clench.
“I don't know how to do this, Tally. For so long I have kept myself shielded, because the last time I allowed someone in, allowed someone to really see me…”
“Nicte?”
Even though Tally didn't want to utter the woman's name, she needed confirmation that it was who Sarah was talking about.
“Yes. She was my biggest mistake. One I thought was long buried.”
Sarah took a shuddering breath, and Tally knew that Sarah was telling her something that she hadn't spoken in a long time. Something which even the thought of saying, was terrifying to Sarah, if the grip she currently had on Tally’s hand was anything to go by. Tally squeezed Sarah's hand in an act of silent reassurance.
“You don't have to say anything.”
“But I need…I want to. I just…”
“Sarah,” Tally placed a finger under Sarah's chin, gently redirecting her gaze to herself. “Whatever this is, it can wait. Knowing you want to tell me, taking the effort to even do so now, it's enough.”
“But what if I never say it? You'll forever be wondering why, resenting me for not speaking.”
“Forever? That's bold of you.” Tally smiled when her attempt at levity seemed to work, a smile twitching at the corners of Sarah's mouth. “We can work on it, if you want. Bit by bit. Together. Besides, it's not like you know everything about me.”
“You're an open book, Tally Craven. I'm not sure you can keep a secret if you tried,” Sarah huffed.
“That's not true. I bet you didn't know…” Tally tapped a finger on her chin while trying to think of something to reveal to Sarah, something funny, lighthearted to lift Sarah's mood, but equally trying to gain her trust. “Oh! You didn’t know I lost my virginity in the woods by the creek!”
The scandalised face Sarah made was worth the revelation alone, and Tally barked out a laugh.
“You did not!”
“I did! His name was Gerit Buttonwood and he'd been chasing after me for months. I snuck out one night because my mother didn't like him, and well…” Tally shrugged, the rest not needing to be said.
Sarah's eyes darkened minutely, a grin on her face which sent shivers down Tally's spine.
“And where is Mr Buttonwood now?”
“Oh,” Tally said with a scrunch of her nose. “Married. To his high school girlfriend. Turns out he already had someone.”
A stormy look passed across Sarah's face, and Tally struggled to place it. Sarah had always been an engima, to many it came across as cold and aloof. But Tally knew better, had seen underneath that hard exterior, witnessed the glimpses of softness which hid behind her shield. And now, with her eyes shining in the darkness, they had an almost dangerous glint to them, as if she was to stumble upon Gerit Buttonwood, she would rend him in two for hurting Tally. Even if the Tally he had hurt was the naive eighteen year old of five years ago.
“He's a fool,” Sarah ground out through clenched teeth.
“He's in the past,” Tally countered.
“You deserve so much more,” Tally watched as Sarah's eyes tracked over her, raking across her face, lingering on her mouth before travelling down her body.
Even in the dark, Tally could feel every look as if it was caressing her, making her heat up with each lingering stop of Sarah's gaze.
They'd danced around this for weeks; this uncertain game between the two of them. Stolen glances, lingering touches, simmering unspoken words from the both of them. Before one, or both pulled back, neither of them acknowledging the moment. But it was always there, just waiting in the background, ready to rise up and swallow them.
Tally had told herself time and time again that her attraction to Sarah was one-sided, always convincing herself after the moment that what she had seen, had felt, was just her reading too much into something. But there was always that tiny voice which continued to give her hope, that maybe, just maybe, Sarah felt it too.
And really, wasn't that the crux of the problem. Wasn't that the reason that when Nicte had waltzed in, acting as if she knew Sarah so well, so much better and more intimately than Tally, Tally had seen red. Tally had let her childish, unfounded jealousy rise up and consume her whole, exploding into a tirade which demanded so much more than Sarah was willing to give, and in doing so, laying her treacherous heart out for the world to see.
Tally's tongue darted out to wet her parched lips, and she shuddered as Sarah's gaze tracked the movement.
“Sarah…” Her voice sounded hoarse and pleading, asking a million questions in one simple call of a name.
“Tally,” Sarah replied, sounding just as affected as Tally, just as needy and desperate and for once the voice in her head told her this couldn’t be anything else.
Sarah leaned in, just a fraction, but it was enough to steal the air from Tally’s already aching lungs.
“May I—”
“Kiss me.”
Tally’s ask was swallowed up by Sarah's question, and neither wasted the time to apologise for speaking over each other, as their lips crashed into one another.