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Felix had never given much thought to his sexuality.
He knew he found certain people attractive, people who exuded confidence and arrogance and were pretty in ways he couldn’t describe. He knew he liked people who were bigger than him, taller and stronger and more muscular. He often thought about people whose teasing words and sharp eyes could make him crumble before even placing a finger on him, making him come undone from the lilt in their voice alone. Felix didn’t feel the need to think too far beyond that. He liked who he liked, gender was never in the consensus. Which is why he didn’t feel the need to think about why he clicked on the porn video he clicked on.
Felix is a guy. He’s a dude. He gets horny and he gets frustrated, especially so when there is little time to do anything about it.
Felix had spent practically every waking moment rehearsing for the past six days. Six days of dancing until he couldn’t feel his body beyond the buzz of his skin, singing until he couldn’t hear his raspy words when talking to his group members, and helping the others do the same late into the night when they should all be sleeping. He hadn’t been alone for more than ten minutes in days and he was increasingly high strung because of it. So, when he realized Changbin, Chris, Seungmin, and Jeongin had gone to practice more vocals, Jisung and Minho had went out to eat, and Hyunjin had decided to stay late at the dance studio, he saw his opportunity and ran with it.
He practically flew under his covers in the dorm, pulling out his phone and deciding he wanted to enjoy his time, whatever time he had before the others came home. When he looked at the videos displayed in front of him, he already felt his cock twitch in interest.
God, he was a little pathetic for that.
He scrolled intently, skipping past things that weren’t interesting, that didn’t feature a muscular person with a cocksure smirk on their lips and a fire in their eyes, and he kept scrolling until he felt a jolt in his stomach at one of the thumbnails presented on the screen.
It was a video of a man, face not in the shot but body fully on display. He was lean, strong armed but heartachingly beautiful. His thighs were on full display, being on his knees with his huge hand covering his even bigger cock. Felix had clicked on it before his brain even had the chance to fully catch up to his dick.
He watched as the man teased himself slowly, bringing his thin, long fingers to dance up his abdomen and chest to his nipples before slowly moving back down to jerk himself off. Felix had never in his life felt as turned on as he was in that moment. Maybe it was because he had so much pent up energy, so much tension in his small body. Or maybe it was because this man could easily dominate him in every way imaginable. Either way, Felix was breathing hard with his hand on himself, jerking and twitching with every movement of his own small fingers against his skin.
It wasn’t until he was nearing the edge, feeling his stomach tingling and lighting on fire as he got closer, that he realized a small detail of the man on the screen. His mind was moving so quick, his eyes flitting everywhere he could lay them, but he felt everything slow down as soon as he noticed the man’s rings.
The man had two rings on his pointer finger. Two rings that looked almost exactly like the couple rings he shares with Hyunjin. As a matter of fact, the closer Felix watched the screen the more he realized this man looked a lot like Hyunjin. They had the same build, the same big hands and toned thighs and long fingers, and when the man leaned down slightly so that his mouth was in the camera Felix could only think about his best friend smirking and pushing his pink tongue into his plush bottom lip.
Felix had never came so hard by himself in his life.
That was when everything in Felix’s life started to turn upside down, when his world crumbled in on itself and his mind could only repeat Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin like a prayer. He told himself to get it together, that he was just horny and acting like a teenager and he should honestly be able to handle an attractive man in his presence without thinking about his pretty hands wrapped around Felix’s small hips. Because yes, he could admit to himself that Hyunjin is attractive. Hyunjin is more than attractive, he is the type of beautiful that can only be expressed through paintings and poetry. He is the type of beautiful that takes Felix’s breath away and fills his lungs with fire. Felix is sure he will never meet anyone as gorgeous as Hyunjin in his entire life, doubting a person like that even exists.
But Hyunjin is also Felix’s best friend.
Hyunjin knows Felix, knows him better than anyone on the planet, knows him better than Chris knows him. Felix has told Hyunjin things he would never utter to another soul, and Hyunjin has told Felix things he will take to his grave. They have a profound bond, one that cannot be attributed to anything besides them being twin flames split into two bodies. Felix should not be thinking about his best friend leaning over him and smirking against his mouth, dipping his hands down Felix’s body like he owns the smaller boy.
Felix had decided long ago that no matter how pretty Hyunjin is, no matter how much he makes Felix smile, he would never ever go there with him. He would never trade their relationship for a hook up or a fling because what they have now is everlasting. He cannot imagine being apart from his best friend because of stupid decisions he made.
So, he tried his hardest to trample every single thought relating to Hyunjin’s pretty face and prettier body.
“Lixie, pay attention to me!”
It was easier said than done.
Felix glanced up from reading the lyrics he had been messing around with to find Hyunjin pouting at him across the table. Hyunjin’s lips were naturally red and plush and looked so soft Felix almost touched his fingers to them, just to see if his assumption would be correct.
“Sorry, Jinnie. What were you saying?” Felix mumbled, looking back down at his paper and scribbling under the last line he wrote.
“I was asking if you wanted to watch something tonight, after we get home from the studio. I’ve been meaning to catch up on that drama I was telling you about and I think you would enjoy it.” Hyunjin said, leaning over to stop the movement of Felix’s pen against paper. His hand rested on Felix’s, making the younger boy gulp silently as he watched the way it engulfed his smaller hand. He had flashes in his mind of those same hands gripping his waist, his thighs, his neck-
Felix needs to get a grip.
Hyunjin was already looking at him when he looked up. The older’s eyes dancing with light and a smirk playing on his lips while he watched Felix lose his train of thought. Hyunjin knew Felix got this way sometimes, unable to focus and trying his best to comprehend the most trivial of words. What he didn’t know was that Felix only got this way around him.
Finally, Felix spoke. “Yeah, sure. Of course.” He felt himself smile, genuinely and full of love for his best friend. They hadn’t gotten to spend much time alone recently, with the way their schedules clashed and the amount of stress they had all been under. But everyone was taking a well deserved break this weekend, and Felix was truly excited to spend time with his best friend.
Hyunjin’s hand gripped Felix’s a little tighter, squeezing him before he pulled away and got up from his seat. Felix put in a conscious effort not to pout as he watched the other boy walk away without another word, knowing he would see him later tonight but feeling empty without him all the same.
Hyunjin is Felix’s best friend, they can watch TV together and Felix will enjoy his company without thinking about how nice it would feel to press his lips to the other boy’s skin.
Later in the night, Felix found his way into the living room where he caught sight of Minho, Jisung, and Hyunjin wrapped up in each other’s company. He came into the room smiling at the loud banter coming from the boys, watching as Jisung smacked Minho across the back of his head before evolving further into his cackles.
“I can’t believe you! How do people think you’re the normal one in Stray Kids?!” Jisung laughed, wiping tears from his eyes while he fought back against Minho’s hands attacking his waist. It looked like the older man was trying to jab his fingers into Jisung’s skin, maybe even past his skin and directly into his ribs. Jisung had to fight his way away, throwing multiple pillows towards Minho while he backed further into Hyunjin’s corner of the couch.
“You’re an idiot, Han Jisung.” Minho deadpanned, throwing the pillows to the side and looking at Jisung as if he could not find anything less funny in the world. To an outsider, Minho would have looked like he hated the cackle coming from Han. However, Felix saw the softness in his eyes and the twitch in his lips when Han started to laugh harder, grabbing his own sides and laying his head on Hyunjin’s shoulder.
Hyunjin. Hyunjin was laughing too, not anywhere near as hard as Jisung but the light chuckles leaving him took Felix’s breath away. He was holding the other boy while he calmed down, quieting into a giggle before he finally took a breath and stilled with a grin one could only describe as shit-eating. Hyunjin patted him on the head before playfully knocking the boy away from him, carding a hand through his own black hair and finally, finally catching sight of Felix in the entrance of the room.
Hyunjin was smiling before, but once his eyes met Felix’s he grinned with all the love in the world wrapped in his eyes. Felix felt his throat close up as Hyunjin pushed Jisung further away, making room for Felix to sit next to him on the couch and calling the smaller boy over.
“Lixie, come save me from this nightmare!” Hyunjin groaned playfully, receiving a middle finger from both of the other boys in the room in return. Jisung went back to his original place under Minho’s arm as if he hadn’t just been fighting for his life. Then again, Felix doesn’t think he has seen Jisung without Minho’s arm around him in ages. He fits there, looking more comfortable than he could ever be anywhere else, like Minho was his home.
Felix laughed, walking over to join Hyunjin on the corner of the couch. The black haired man immediately wrapped his arm around Felix’s shoulders, like maybe Felix was meant to be under his arm too. Hyunjin looked at him with all the adoration in the world, licking his lips as he watched Felix watch him.
Minho cleared his throat, catching Felix’s attention enough to pull him away from Hyunjin’s entrancing eyes. The two others in the room share a look, one that leaves Jisung snorting under his hand and shaking his head before they both get up from the couch without saying a word, like they both just knew what the other was thinking.
“We’re leaving,” were the only words out of Minho’s mouth, like he wasn’t expecting to have to explain further. Felix understood, him and Jisung shared a room and spent most of their down time holed up together anyway. They were inseparable in ways only best friends could be, in ways that made Felix wonder sometimes if they weren’t more. But that was none of his business, not when the same was said about himself and Hyunjin when the others thought they weren’t listening. Not that Felix minded.
Hyunjin moved next to him, adjusting his posture and getting more comfortable on the couch before pulling Felix further into his side and taking the remote that had been laying vacantly on the arm of the couch beside him. “Are you ready to watch the best drama to ever air on television?” Hyunjin asked, completely serious in a way that could only be described as endearing and lovely. Felix smiled up at him before turning his attention towards the television.
“I can hardly wait, Jinnie.”
☆彡 ☆彡
In all honesty, Felix did enjoy the show Hyunjin was making him watch.
They were halfway through the first season, Felix didn’t know how long they had spent holed up in the living room but he did know it was dark outside. No one had bothered them in hours, Seungmin came into the living room once to say goodnight but that was two episodes ago so Felix assumed it was too late for anyone else to be awake on their weekend off. Felix knew he should also be sleeping, knew a good nights rest is not something they often got, but being consumed by Hyunjin’s big arms and having the other boys hand on his knee, searing slow, soothing circles into his skin beneath his sweatpants, made him think he could take the impending exhaustion if it meant he got to spend alone time with his best friend. He felt comfortable in ways he rarely was, allowing himself to relax fully into Hyunjin’s arms and lay his head on the arm that was resting behind him.
He felt so comfortable he was almost asleep, eyes half lidded as he watched the plot continue on the screen in front of them. He felt so comfortable that he thought he imagined the first pass of Hyunjin’s fingers over the skin of his neck.
The older had his arm looped over the back of the couch, allowing his hand to hang loosely in the space above Felix’s neck but not touching his skin. Felix barely felt the tips of Hyunjin’s fingers as they flexed, straightening out briefly to glance across the sensitive skin when Felix’s neck meets his collarbone.
The next touch is not brief.
Hyunjin passes his hand over Felix’s neck again, this time the younger boy definitely feels it as Hyunjin’s fingers dance down to his collarbone before drifting back up to the side of his neck. Felix fights the hitch in his breath and chooses to ignore the twitch in his sweats.
Hyunjin and Felix touch each other a lot. They held hands, compared the size of Felix’s tiny, tiny fingers to Hyunjin’s elegant, long ones. They hugged, often Hyunjin held him from behind and put his head on top of the younger boy to tease him about his height. They touched more often than they touched anyone else, finding comfort in each other’s bodies and feeling at home in the other’s presence. So, Felix should not have felt the tingling, electric path Hyunjin’s fingers took when they made their way back down his neck, up his neck again, back down, in a never ending path from here to there.
Suddenly the boy was hyper aware of everywhere they were touching. Hyunjin’s leg and toned thigh was pressed against Felix, their sides touching. His huge hand was covering Felix’s knee so that it was barely visible, thumb continuing to create small circles in its path. Hyunjin was all over him, engulfing him but not close enough. Felix couldn’t breathe, he needed to push Hyunjin away but he also needed him to be impossibly closer. He wanted the boy to carve his way under his skin.
If Hyunjin noticed Felix tense the slightest bit against his side, he didn’t say a word. He just continued in his movements, the rhythm of being pet making Felix calm down enough so that he could focus back on the show they were watching. He had missed a valuable detail somewhere along the way, it seems. He didn’t know why the love interest was mad at the main character when they were fine moments ago.
Felix tried to figure out what he had missed. He tried right up until the moment he felt Hyunjin’s hand move from his knee, sliding the tiniest bit up his leg and making its way to the spot on his mid thigh that made him forget how to use his lungs. Hyunjin’s fingers were teasing, brushing the skin of Felix’s inner thigh before moving back onto his leg as if nothing was happening, as if Felix couldn’t feel himself get hard from the minimal touch and tension in the air. When did the tension become palpable? He felt like he was going crazy.
Felix risked a glance up at Hyunjin under the guise of trying to pop his neck. Hyunjin didn’t even look in his direction, staring at the television in front of them like he hadn’t watched this episode on his own just a few days ago. His fingertips left Felix’s neck, his hand stayed on the top of Felix’s leg without moving onto the inner sensitive skin, and Felix was sure he had imagined all of it. This was Hyunjin, he was Felix’s best friend and he didn’t view Felix like that, the touch he received from the other boy was never more than platonic love.
Felix relaxes into Hyunjin again and nothing else happens. The touch is completely gone, Felix feels empty although he isn’t sure why. Not empty in his heart, because he is with his best friend and sharing an experience that he will smile about later, but empty in his body. He feels like squirming, his skin suddenly itchy without the teasing fingertips at his neck, his body confusing a friendly touch with that of a more sexual nature. He tells himself to calm down, practices his breathing techniques he learned before their debut and never forgot, but his body will not stay still. His leg twitches, his fingers play with the hem of his shirt, his eyes shift from the TV to the decor in their living room he had seen a thousand times. He cannot stay still with the prayer of Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin playing on the tip of his tongue.
“Stop moving so much, you’re distracting, Yongbokkie.” Hyunjin tsks, his hand on Felix’s thigh suddenly tightening and Felix suddenly can’t move a muscle.
Hyunjin’s grip isn’t meant to be rough, it is meant to be placed casually and to simply stop the younger boy’s fidgeting. But Felix cannot, for the life of him, stop his brain from zeroing in on the point of contact in the dim lighting of the living room.
Hyunjin is strong, Felix knows he’s strong because he has seen him dance and workout and lift other members of their group off the ground without breaking a sweat. His hand on Felix’s thigh is not meant to be rough, but Felix can feel the pressure behind the fingers that have made their way back to his inner thigh and can feel the firmness of Hyunjin’s palm against his skin through the fabric of his clothes. It makes the younger want to tear his clothes off to feel Hyunjin’s touch on his bare skin, to feel him wrap those huge hands around his thighs and pull him closer.
Hyunjin notices when Felix’s breath hitches this time. He notices and looks down at Felix, questioning eyes and taking his lip between his teeth and running his tongue over the plush surface of the lip he is abusing. Something seems to click in his head, his eyes widening ever so slightly because of the epiphany he has even though Felix could not imagine what information has become so important to him. Hyunjin’s lip pops out from behind his teeth, his face shifting into a smirk that has Felix’s cock stirring again because how can someone look this good it should be scientifically impossible before the man squeezes Felix’s thigh under his hand. The squeeze isn’t like what Hyunjin had done to his hand at the table earlier, it wasn’t soft or friendly and Felix would be stupid to mistake it for a platonic touch. His mind is reeling, thoughts racing so fast the only thing he can focus on is Hyunjin’s growing look of a cat that caught the canary. Felix feels like prey, he feels like a live-wire and he is hyper aware of Hyunjin spreading his palm wide over his leg like he knows it makes the boy feel smaller and he knows Felix likes it.
Felix knows his face is red, hopes the dim light in the room covers it as he opens his mouth to speak. He knows he should say something, convinces himself he has the situation all wrong and he is just pushing his horny thoughts onto his best friend, but nothing comes out of his mouth besides a heavy breath. Hyunjin is watching him, watching his mouth and biting his lip to stop the chuckle forming in his throat.
“What’s wrong, Lix? You look nervous…” Hyunjin has a lilt in his voice that is unmistakably pornographic. He is so confident in his words, caressing the back of Felix’s neck with the tips of his fingers again like he just knows it makes Felix crazy. His grip on the younger’s thigh is bruising, lightning crawling up Felix’s leg when Hyunjin moves his hand almost imperceptibly closer to his inner thigh and lets his fingers squeeze just a little harder.
Felix gasps, his eyes widen knowing he made an audible noise and knowing he cannot take that back and knowing this cannot be reversed. Thinking about Hyunjin ruining him is one thing, being in a situation that cannot be mistaken for friendly is another. Felix has to speak up, has to rectify the events of the night before something happens that makes him ruin his closest relationship.
“I’m-“ Felix clears his throat, trying to ignore the way his voice sounds absolutely fucked and starting again. “I don’t know what you mean. I was… really into the show, Jinnie.”
If all else fails, Felix decides it’s best to gaslight his best friend into thinking he isn’t thinking of being railed by him.
He knows it doesn’t work. He knows Hyunjin can see right through him, has always been able to tell when Felix is lying, but the older man doesn’t call him out on it. Hyunjin is smiling from the corner of his mouth now, the same way he smiles when he’s about to make fun of Felix and it should definitely not make him squeeze his thighs to relieve the pressure on his aching cock. He hadn’t even realized how hard he was, feeling absolutely blessed that his sweatpants are loose and unassuming.
“Really interested in the show, yeah?” Hyunjin starts, teasing and mercilessly grinning at Felix. “Well, I’ll let you get back to it.”
Then Hyunjin is gone. He takes his hand away from Felix’s thigh, places both hands in his lap and pushes his knees up like he hadn’t just ruined the rest of Felix’s life. Felix has had sex, he has been in the presence of people who are attractive and he isn’t a virgin. However, in that moment Felix felt like whatever the fuck just happened was better than anything he had ever experienced in his life.
Later that night, when Hyunjin is asleep in the bed across the room, Felix quietly sneaks away to the bathroom and touches himself in the shower until he feels like he can breathe again. The only thing playing in his mind is the feeling of Hyunjin’s hand on his thigh and fingertips on his neck.
☆彡 ☆彡
Felix does not know what the fuck is happening.
The days after the incident are so normal he convinces himself he imagined it. He convinces himself Hyunjin was only joking with his best friend, only doing the things he did because he knows his best friend blushes hard and always tries to make him blush harder. Felix has convinced himself everything that happened was so normal, and it was easier to convince himself because Hyunjin was acting as if nothing happened at all.
Hyunjin found him in the kitchen the next day, talking to Jeongin and Changbin, and Felix felt his presence in the room before he even laid eyes on him. It was like a sixth sense, being able to feel when Hyunjin was close to him.
The two boys made eye contact, Felix’s breath hitching in his throat and immediately forgetting what Changbin was talking about at the moment. He didn’t know what he expected to happen, but he didn’t expect Hyunjin to give him a sleepy smile and continue walking towards the coffee maker to pour himself a cup. In any other situation it would have been cute, an adorable sight to see as his best friend tried to wake up and pushed his glasses higher on his face while he took his first sip of coffee. But Felix felt so, incredibly confused.
So maybe he did actually imagine everything.
Things continue normally over the weekend, and continue Too Normally into the next week when they get back into their regular schedule of dance practice, recording, dance practice, recording, and so on. Felix feels himself looking at Hyunjin for longer than usual, taking in his best friend’s facial expression in ways that only tortured him more. He felt his heartstrings tugging almost painfully every time Hyunjin grinned at a horrible joke Jisung had made, every time Hyunjin laughed while making fun of the others with Minho, every time he stared into Felix’s eyes and gave him that secret smile he only gave to Felix, the smaller boy felt like he was going absolutely insane because of Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin.
Hyunjin had also been increasingly touchy.
Felix loved touching Hyunjin. He loved hugging the bigger man, feeling small and safe and comfortable in his friend’s arms, and he loved holding his hand between his own smaller ones. He loved when Hyunjin wrapped himself around Felix and squeezed him so tight it was impossible not to feel the adoration coming from him. He was used to Hyunjin touching him and he loved the feeling of being wrapped up in the bigger, stronger arms his friend has. The touches were different recently though.
Hyunjin was not only touching him more, Felix felt he was purposefully touching him in ways that made the smaller boy want to pull his hair out, or maybe pull Hyunjin’s hair.
When they were at dance practice, Hyunjin would help all of them position their bodies to better fit the music and the choreography. He frequently touched everyone in this way, making sure they hit the right poses before it was time to perform in front of their fans. He touched Felix in a way he definitely did not touch the others. Hyunjin had always been gentler with Felix, showing him things slower even if Felix was an amazing dancer and picked things up quick. The way he had been touching Felix recently when helping him to reposition his body was lingering, gentle to the point of being feather-light, letting the very tips of his fingers play on Felix’s waist while tilting his body and brushing his arms when he pulled away. Felix has taken extra long showers after every dance practice for the past two weeks.
Hyunjin has also been clingy, clingier than they usually are, and the others have definitely picked up on it. Jisung and Minho, specifically, have been menaces and are definitely praying on Felix’s downfall, although he could never prove it.
“Felix, you look so tiny next to Hyunjin!”
Take Han fucking Jisung, for example.
Jisung has become the bane of Felix’s entire existence. He will not let his friend know peace, and Felix blames Minho just as much.
“Ah, Yongbok, Han is right for once,” Minho smiles and it almost looks innocent. Almost. If Felix didn’t know Lee Know personally, he would believe the man had pure intentions.
Felix would rather be buried six feet under than admit it to anyone, but the two idiots were right. Felix does look small next to Hyunjin. They were all sitting in the living room of their home, finding time to host a game night among the insanity that seems to stay in their lives. These moments were always so precious to Felix, the moments when the cameras were off and his friends could enjoy each other’s company without having to play for the lens. He felt like they were all more themselves and he felt comfortable.
Hyunjin was sitting behind him, close to Felix because when was he not, and Felix leaned most of his weight onto the older boy’s solid chest. They had been laughing, Felix’s head thrown back against his best friend’s shoulder as he held his own stomach from the pleasant ache that only came from pure joy. He could feel Hyunjin laughing as well, feel the vibrations of his quieter laugh and could feel him wrapping his arms to cover Felix’s tiny hands with his own. As if that didn’t already make Felix’s heart pound, Jisung had decided to remind every one of their position and now all eyes were on them.
Felix blushed under the scrutiny of his friends, wishing the ground to swallow him whole to get away from the sudden attention. He didn’t want to be perceived while he was holding onto Hyunjin’s hand with both of his, gripping him tight in the wake of his laughter and becoming so aware of their position. Felix, between Hyunjin’s outstretched legs, looked infinitely smaller and his best friend’s body was enveloping him completely.
“Felix is already tiny,” Chris laughed, actually being entirely innocent in this situation but somehow Felix still felt betrayed. The others soon joined in, poking at him with their words as they often did with each other, causing Felix’s cheeks to become impossibly redder and his smile impossibly brighter.
“Stop, I get it, I’m not even the shortest person here-“ Felix called out, yelping when Hyunjin’s fingers actually poked him in the rib and caused everyone to develop into further loud laughter.
“Yeah, but you have a smaller vibe,” Changbin insisted, barely concealing laughter.
“A smaller vibe,” Felix repeats, acting absolutely baffled by the words. He was nothing if not dramatic, putting a hand to his chest and acting more offended than he felt.
“You’re just more… I don’t know what the word is,” Seungmin started, trying to pick his words carefully because he was Seungmin and he was nothing if not well spoken.
“Submissive.”
The voice came from behind Felix, right next to his ear, and he was sure no one else heard it at all. Hyunjin’s grip around him tightened, only slightly, as he said the word low and teasing. Felix felt every hair on the back of his neck stand on end, his stomach turning nervously as he let out a shocked breath.
“Cute!” Someone called. Felix didn’t know who it was and he didn’t know what they were referring to anymore, completely forgetting everything aside from the man behind him who was pressed flush against his back. When did he get that close? Felix was hot all over.
“Okay, okay, that’s enough,” Chris was always the voice of reason and in that moment Felix was more grateful for him than ever. He took Felix’s lack of response as embarrassment, even though it was more akin to being too turned on to function, and the attention was finally off of him and back onto the game of Uno they had been playing.
Hyunjin was still pushed tight against him, leaning over him to lay cards on the table and pulling Felix’s smaller body back into him with so much ease it made the younger light headed. Felix had succumbed to the belief that their night two weeks ago had been a fluke. He had believed that Hyunjin was just being Hyunjin and he was nothing if not a tease, especially towards his best friend. But with the black haired boy pressed so firmly against him in all the right places and his low voice murmuring a single word in his ear Felix was right back to what the fuck is going on.
And if Jisung and Minho shared a silent look, a devious smirk etched onto both of their faces, no one else noticed.
☆彡 ☆彡
Four weeks. It had been four weeks of Felix losing his mind and fighting to keep still in the presence of a certain pretty, black haired boy. Things had only gotten worse. Felix prides himself on his patience, on his ability to give people time and space and not pressure anyone. Felix also felt like he was at the end of his rope and he was about to rip Hyunjin’s clothes off.
Felix is a guy. He’s a dude. He gets horny and he gets frustrated, especially so when there is little time to do anything about it.
After four weeks of losing his fucking mind every time Hyunjin so much as brushes their fingers together, Felix feels like he is about to snap. He is about to spontaneously combust and it will be his best friend’s fault.
Everyone is away from the dorm again, Changbin and Jeongin are working on new lyrics, Chan is meeting an old friend for dinner, Jisung and Minho are doing god-knows-what, and Hyunjin is once again at the dance studio because it is his second home. Felix himself had just gotten back to the dorm and, upon noticing the unusual silence of the place, lit up at the thought of having time to himself.
So he ran into his room, he slid under his plush blankets, and he pulled up the video that started this whole situation on his phone.
Felix hadn’t watched porn in weeks. His mind had been more than enough to fuel his desires recently, keeping thoughts of a certain man pinned into his memory, but Felix is tired and needs to let his brain rest so he thinks this is probably his best option. The man in the video looks a lot like Hyunjin, from his long fingers and big hands to his toned thighs and sinful lips. Felix has no remorse when he imagines the man is his best friend, because he is horny and desperate and already sweating against his sheets.
He can’t be bothered to take his time, his hands travel down to his member fast and he pushes his pants off even faster, losing his clothing before settling further into the bed and caressing his skin with the idea of Hyunjin’s hands replacing his own smaller ones.
Felix wraps a hand around himself, panting at the pressure to his achingly hard cock, and slides his hand along the shaft with the kind of pace a starving man would have when faced with a three course meal. He quickly finds the small bottle of lube in his bedside table, rubbing some of the contents onto his fingers before spreading his legs and rubbing the sensitive skin of his rim. He throws his head back, enjoying the feeling after so long of not experiencing it, and fully does not hear the front door of the house open.
Hyunjin usually comes home hours later, he stays at the studio until early morning hours most days because he’s Hyunjin and he gives everything his all. If he hadn’t felt the cramp in his abdomen from working so hard to relieve some of his frustrations with… recent situations, he would have continued to practice. However, his body was screaming at him to go the fuck home so that is what he did.
Felix didn’t hear the front door shut, he didn’t hear the footsteps echoing in the hall, and he definitely didn’t hear the door knob to their room twist. However, Felix clearly heard the sound of Hyunjin taking in a quick, deep breath at the sight he found in their shared room.
Felix looked absolutely fucked. He laid spread out on his bed, fingers trying and failing to reach far enough to stimulate his prostate while his other hand wrapped around his glistening member. He’s panting, sweat beading on his forehead from the effort of trying to get himself off. If his fingers were only a little bit longer he could reach that spot that would make him scream. He is so incredibly frustrated and he jumps out of his skin when the door opens.
Hyunjin stares at Felix for a long moment. His gaze never deters from his face and Felix feels like ice was just poured over his scorching body.
Felix cannot bring himself to move his hands, which are still in the position Hyunjin found him in, and he cannot bring himself to move under the blankets again. His blond bangs are stuck to his forehead, his entire body is blushed and sinful, his chest is rising and falling faster than it should be.
Hyunjin has never seen anything more devastatingly beautiful in his life.
He steps further into the room, shutting and locking the door behind him with a tilt of his head. His gaze moves from Felix’s face to his toned body, watching him in a way that makes Felix squirm and twitch and unable to sit still. Hyunjin is moving so slow, giving Felix time to catch up to what is currently happening, and Felix has never seen him look so intense.
“Felix…” Hyunjin says, his voice nothing but a low rumble as he carefully sits on the bed beside Felix’s tensed thigh. “What do you think you’re doing, Lixie?”
Felix feels the rush of breath as he inhales for what feels like the first time. His brain finally computes what the fuck is happening, and his body follows closely behind. He snaps his legs shut as if Hyunjin didn’t just see him fingering himself desperately and his blush crawls impossibly higher, taking over his ears.
“Jinnie-“ he starts, voice absolutely raw and broken around the word. Hyunjin feels his pants growing tighter, noticing how hard he is against his sweatpants. His fingers twitch.
“Jinnie, I can explain,” Felix tries again, breathing in the way he was taught to do when he felt like he couldn’t get enough air.
He doesn’t know what he expects Hyunjin to do, but the way he cocks his head to the side and slides his eyes up Felix’s body like he wants to eat him alive makes his head spin.
After a long pause, Hyunjin speaks again. “Can I touch you?”
That is not at all what Felix expected.
Words don’t come to Felix’s lips, the walking wet dream that is his best friend just asked to touch him and all he can do is bite down on his lower lip harshly and nod his head.
Hyunjin touches his thigh for the first time, his bare thigh meeting the fingertips of Hyunjin’s hand, and something snaps inside Felix, inside them both.
“Hyunjin, please,” Felix whines, desperate and higher pitched and Hyunjin is aching with need for this boy. He moves his body in front of Felix, on his knees with his hands on the smaller boys thighs. Felix looks at the point of contact, whining out loud when he sees the way the older man’s hands take up so much room.
“You look so good like this, Lixie. Fuck, I can’t believe I get to see you like this.” Hyunjin curses, spreading Felix’s legs and holding them apart so he is completely on display for the black haired boy. Felix bites his lip harder, feeling blood prickle to the skin at the thought of being completely exposed like this.
Then Hyunjin smiles, a dangerous, animalistic thing, and cocks his head. “Do you need help?”
Felix feels like he may cum just from hearing those words.
He nods again, not trusting his voice right now. Hyunjin doesn’t take the answer this time, tsking and shaking his head slightly, leaning over the younger man until their faces are inches apart. There is no contact between their bodies, Hyunjin is still holding his thighs tight, and Felix fights hard against the need to rut up against him.
“Use your words, angel.” Hyunjin teases, letting his breath ghost over Felix’s neck before he places the smallest, lightest kiss to the skin just above his pulse point and Felix feels himself start to shake.
“Please, Jinnie. I want your help- I need your help, touch me.” Felix whimpers against the other man’s ear, feeling Hyunjin letting out a harsh breath and get up off the bed.
Felix feels completely at a loss when the air around him is suddenly cold, and he’s about to start apologizing and telling Hyunjin to forget this ever happened when he looks up to find the taller man sliding his shirt off, before his sweatpants follow. Hyunjin is in front of him, shirtless and with his toned thighs and abdomen on display and Felix feels his world tilt. He thanks whatever god is out there that he gets to burn this image in his memory.
Felix quickly sits up, reaching for Hyunjin’s hands before he can take off his briefs.
“Wait! Let me,” He says, looking up at his best friend through his eyelashes. Hyunjin moans at the sight, taking his hands away from Felix’s grasp to run them through the blond’s hair.
“Fuck, you don’t know how long I’ve been thinking about this.” Hyunjin groans, throwing his head back as Felix pulls his underwear down and his cock slaps against his stomach.
Felix has a few thoughts in that moment.
One: how long has Hyunjin thought about this?
Two: holy fucking shit Hyunjin has a huge dick.
Felix is about to cry from how turned on he is. He really needs to address what Hyunjin said, but he’s thinking with his dick and he thinks it will have to wait. All he knows is that his hands are tiny, and they look even smaller when they wrap around Hyunjin’s cock. Felix can’t help but compare their sizes, noticing just how big Hyunjin is and knowing he would feel so good with the black haired boy inside him.
Hyunjin lets out the most obscene moan Felix has ever heard upon contact, throwing his head back and gripping Felix’s hair tighter when the younger man starts to slide his hands over his member. Felix can’t stop himself, he feels the hands in his hair and wonders what it would feel like to have his hair pulled while he sucks Hyunjin off. So that’s exactly what he does.
Hyunjin feels a hot wetness engulfing the tip of his cock, jerking in surprise and looking down to find Felix already looking up at him with the most innocent eyes he has ever seen. He jerks his hips forward without thinking, pushing himself further into the blond’s mouth and cursing when he does so.
“Shit, sorry Lixie I didn’t mean to-“ He tries to pull his hips back but Felix has gripped his thighs and won’t let him move. He pulls off to grin at Hyunjin, which causes the dark haired man to short circuit for a second.
“I don’t mind, Jinnie. Keep going,” then Felix has the audacity to giggle before taking Hyunjin back in his mouth, pushing his own head down until his cock is hitting the back of his throat. Hyunjin literally cannot function, all he can do is take Felix by the hair and pull out of his mouth so that only the tip is still getting the pleasure of Felix lapping his tongue around it. Then, he thrusts back into the smaller boys mouth with a moan that is reciprocated from the man below him.
Felix has never had someone so big in his mouth, and he can’t help the way his dick grows even harder when Hyunjin uses him to get off. He fucks Felix’s mouth like he can’t get enough, curling his beautiful, long fingers in Felix’s hair and moaning in pleasure when the younger boy hollows his cheeks to feel Hyunjin more prominently in his mouth. Felix knows his jaw will ache tomorrow, knows his neck will hurt from the strain it’s being put through, and he smiles at the thought of being reminded of this for the next few days. He never wants to forget the feeling of Hyunjin’s cock down his throat while the man is moaning above him.
Hyunjin sees Felix. He sees him smiling around his cock like an absolute whore, knowing the smaller man is getting off on this, and all he can do is snap his hips forward harsher, pushing himself further into Felix’s throat until he sees tears well up in the other’s eyes. Hyunjin feels like he will cum embarrassingly fast if Felix doesn’t stop soon, and he isn’t willing to let this end so quickly.
He pulls Felix’s hair to get him off, twitching again when the boy looks- sad. He pouts up at Hyunjin when his lips leave the cock in front of him, a string of spit obscenely hanging in the air between them. Hyunjin has to physically hold himself back from fucking back into the smaller boy’s throat, just to see him smile again.
“Fuck, angel. On the bed,” Hyunjin orders, lifting his chin in the direction of Felix’s bed and Felix does not have to be told twice.
The blond climbs up the sheets, laying on his back with Hyunjin over top of him, both of them completely naked and breathing heavy and looking so intensely at each other they both forget how to look at anything else. After a pause, where each man is looking at the beauty in front of him, they both lean in, lips pushing together as if that was the only thing they ever needed.
Felix feels Hyunjin’s plush, soft lips hit his own and moans into the kiss. He knew the man’s lips would be soft, has known that since the day they met, but he didn’t expect them to be so incredibly addicting. He almost screams when Hyunjin’s tongue licks across his bottom lip, opening his mouth immediately for the other boy. Felix tries to keep up, tries to assert dominance over Hyunjin, but the other man is smiling into his mouth like the thought is funny and Felix can only succumb to the pressure of Hyunjin exploring him, dragging his hands over his small body like he owns him, like he always has.
Hyunjin leans further against Felix, their cocks brushing together when the taller man brings his hips lower and Felix has to break the kiss to moan, long and low, at the feeling. Hyunjin doesn’t waste time, latching directly onto Felix’s neck and kissing his hot skin. Hyunjin kisses him like he knows every sensitive spot on Felix’s body, knows exactly what to do to get him to beg, and Felix has been on edge since the other boy entered the room. Hyunjin is biting his neck, harshly pulling the skin between his teeth and causing Felix to roll his hips upward for relief. Hyunjin growls in response, an animalistic thing that settles low in Felix’s stomach. When he leans back to look at Felix again, the younger boy whines at the loss of contact.
Hyunjin spreads Felix’s legs again, his hands engulfing Felix’s thighs as he laughs. He brings his fingers down to delicately trail over Felix’s inner thighs, making the blond shiver. “How can you even get yourself off with hands that small?” he asks, face lighting up when Felix whines and tries to hide his face.
“I- I can’t. Jinnie, I can’t reach far enough to, you know-“ Fuck this is so embarrassing. Hyunjin is laughing again, making fun of Felix in a way that has him writhing under the other man’s hands. The teasing tilt of his head is still present when he takes Felix’s hands away to pin them both above his head with one of his own.
“You can’t even touch yourself properly, poor thing,” Hyunjin teases, brushing his hand down Felix’s body. He passes the blond’s cock entirely, Felix actually sheds a tear from the pure lust and need and desire flowing through his veins.
“Let me show you how good it can feel.” Hyunjin says this as he presses a single finger to Felix’s hole, causing the ring of muscle to clench around nothing. Felix had two fingers in himself when Hyunjin walked in, the entrance to his body already wet with lube, and Hyunjin has no problem sliding his first finger in without any more of a warning.
Felix moans so loudly he is sure their roommates would hear if they were home. Hyunjin’s fingers are so much bigger than Felix’s own, longer in ways that reach deep inside him and have him wondering how he ever got off without the help of the man above him. He doesn’t give Felix time to get used to the feeling, pumping his finger once, twice, three times before sliding in a second.
“Hyunjin, ah- Please, please, please,” Felix mumbles, tears going down his face more frequently from the sheer amount of pleasure he feels all around him. Hyunjin isn’t in much better shape, feeling light headed from the way his Felix is crying over being fingered. He has to stop himself from thrusting into him in that moment.
Hyunjin lets him get more comfortable with two fingers before pushing in a third, knowing Felix has never taken fingers bigger than his own. Felix winces, but moans directly after. Hyunjin is speechless above him, staring in disbelief as the smaller boy literally gets off on the pain mixing with his pleasure. He lets go of Felix’s wrists above him, reaching to play with his nipple instead, feeling drunk from the sounds coming from the boy below him.
He can’t stop himself from pinching the sensitive bud of Felix’s nipple between his fingers, making the blond arch his back underneath Hyunjin. The older groans, curling his fingers inside Felix at that same moment and Felix sees stars. He has never in his life felt something this good and he is so close to cumming he can’t keep his eyes open. Hyunjin chooses that moment to stop, taking his fingers away from Felix and shuffling forward.
Felix almost whines. He is crying from the desperation he feels to have more, more of Hyunjin all around him. He wants Hyunjin to devour him whole. The man above him is looking at him with the most adoration in the world, reminding Felix that this is Hyunjin and this is his best friend. He will take care of Felix, he will make him feel good because he always does.
He doesn’t realize Hyunjin is lining himself up with Felix’s entrance until the tip of his cock is pressing against his rim. Felix moans loudly again, wrapping his arms around Hyunjin’s neck and kissing him as the man presses inside him and he thinks he sees god.
Hyunjin is huge. Hyunjin is splitting him open, wrapping his arms completely around Felix’s small frame and taking his lips away to press into the skin of his neck. The smaller boy feels like he is being completely consumed, all of his senses screaming.
Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin-
Hyunjin is moaning so deeply, his breath coming out so hot against Felix’s neck, and his cock finally pushes all the way into Felix. For a moment, they both lay catching their breath. Hyunjin doesn’t want to hurt Felix, he wants to give him time to adjust before he moves, but suddenly Felix is wrapping his legs around the taller man and pushing his hips and Hyunjin can’t stay still.
“Please, Jinnie. I need more, ruin me,” Felix is pleading against his neck. And who is Hyunjin to deny such a beautiful boy his dreams?
Hyunjin pulls out mostly, he takes a minute to watch Felix below him, to wipe away his tears and to kiss his plump cheeks, then he’s slamming back into the smaller boy and all he can hear is Felix moaning under him, all he can feel is Felix scratching his back, and his brain is on a constant loop of Felix, Felix, Felix-
Hyunjin is thrusting into him at a fast pace, head buried into the space between his neck and shoulder. Felix feels him kissing him everywhere, lips never staying still for too long as he snaps his hips hard enough to push Felix’s body further into the bed. Felix knows he’s getting close, knows this will be over soon, and he knows he can’t last much longer. Hyunjin is roughly gripping his hips, he’s sure there will be bruises in the shape of long fingers there tomorrow, and all he can do is wrap himself tighter around the man above him.
Hyunjin continues kissing his body, leading a trail of wet kisses down further until he reaches the blond’s nipples. He uses his large hand to pinch and tug one while he latches his absolutely heavenly mouth to the other. Felix loses his mind.
“Jinnie, Fuck Hyunjin- I’m so close, please let me cum,” Felix pants into his skin, gripping his hair and Hyunjin can barely keep himself from tipping over the edge. Felix is asking his permission to orgasm. Felix, his sweet, beautiful, innocent best friend Felix is crying from need and still wants to have Hyunjin’s approval.
“Oh Lix, you’re so perfect,” Hyunjin groans, his hands are moving again and he doesn’t know where the thought comes from, but his hand comes up to wrap around Felix’s tiny neck.
Maybe Hyunjin just wanted to see how small Felix would look under his hands, how much bigger Hyunjin is than the blonde underneath him. Or maybe this was a kink he had always had, but the way Felix looks at him makes his stomach tighten and he closes his hand tighter around the smaller boy’s neck.
Felix is shocked, but he can’t ignore the way his stomach flips and burns impossibly brighter, wide eyes looking into Hyunjin’s face. He has never wanted to cum more in his life. He pleads, whimpering and moaning under the taller boy as he pounds into him hard enough to shake the bed frame.
“Cum for me, angel.” Hyunjin says it in a whisper, but it has the same effect. Felix cries out as best he can with the hand wrapped around him, choking him, and cums so hard it spills over his chest. Hyunjin moans, not taking his eyes off the smaller boy as he feels him clench around his cock. Not long after, Felix feels full as Hyunjin cums inside him, releasing his neck and forcing more cum out of the boy under him when he feels the rush of air being let back into his body.
Hyunjin rocks into Felix through both of their orgasms, stopping once Felix is shivering and twitching from overstimulation. Hyunjin pulls out, both of them wincing, and flops onto the bed next to Felix to avoid crushing him. After a long moment of silence, Felix snorts.
Hyunjin frowns and looks over to see his best friend, his Felix, red and panting and grinning so hard his eyes crinkle. Hyunjin feels his heart pound harder in his chest as he catches the blond’s eye and they smile at each other, looking like absolute lovestruck idiots.
“How do you feel?” Hyunjin asks, sitting up to grab tissues to clean himself and Felix off. Felix flinches slightly under the touch to his sensitive body, but lays on top of Hyunjin when he settles back down anyway.
“I feel… good,” Felix is grinning, he can’t seem to keep the smile off his face and he has to hide in the crook of Hyunjin’s neck to escape the light laughing from his friend. Hyunjin rubs his back soothingly, running his hand through his hair to pull him gently to face him.
“I meant what I said, Lixie. I’ve been thinking about you for so long,” Hyunjin says slowly, quietly, in the same way he has spoken when telling Felix all of his deepest secrets. “Not just like this, but as… more than this.”
Felix stares at Hyunjin for a long moment. He had never thought, for even a second, that the beautiful man in front of him, his best friend and twin flame, could ever reciprocate his feelings. Hyunjin is nervous in a way Felix rarely sees him and the younger boy kisses his cheek as a form of reassurance.
“I feel the same way, Hyunjin.”
And if Jisung and Minho accidentally find them later, cuddling under the blankets in Felix’s bed with their bodies melded into one, that isn’t any body else’s business. They smile, closing the door back how they found it, and quietly high five each other. Somehow, this feels like it’s their fault.