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Soonyoung gets dumped on the last day of September.
It is not the most graceful to go out, but he guesses there are worse ways to end a month. Like getting struck by lightning or having a limb torn off by a shark, maybe. Call Soonyoung dramatic or maybe just blindsided, it’s just that this was not on his bingo card for this year—his boyfriend of five years just coming out of nowhere to end it.
So he grieves.
For as long as he can, which includes a lot of crying, a lot of moping around his apartment, and on that one really bad night, it also includes going through a family-sized jar of peanut butter by himself, and Wonwoo is a champ and even says nothing about it, which Soonyoung appreciates.
The thing is, Soohyuk was a very good boyfriend until he wasn’t. They met when Soonyoung was a senior in university, when he thought he was on top of the world, but was actually just starting to see it from the bottom. Soohyuk was handsome and charming, and a little older, so he had a fancy job and extra money to buy Soonyoung dinner that was not from a convenience store, and Soonyoung liked him very much. Five years.
I love you, I want you forever, I’m so happy you’re in my life —until he wasn’t.
So he’s grieving.
It’s the first week of October by the time Seungkwan finally pries Soonyoung from his bed, or at the very least, tries. He is having a harder time with all this than he might’ve hoped, and his bed is just so comfortable these days, and he can work from home, so why does he have to get up, anyway?
“Because seeing you like this is making me sad,” Seungkwan tells him. He’s standing at the foot of his bed, Wonwoo on one side of him, Chan on the other. He mentally curses Wonwoo for letting Seungkwan and Chan into their place. Soonyoung is sure Seokmin and Minghao are involved in this somehow, too, because his friends work only as a group, really.
“Me, too,” Chan agrees. “Come on, hyung. You can’t stay like this forever. That’d be letting him win.”
Soonyoung flinches, even at the sound of him. They stopped using his real name at the request of Soonyoung sometime four days ago. It simultaneously filled Soonyoung with all the rage and the sadness his body could muster, and consequently gave him a headache each time, too.
“He already won,” Soonyoung says into his pillow. He is trying to hide there since Wonwoo ripped his comforter off him when they barged in and is looking like he will not be giving it back any time soon. “He broke my spirit. I'm ugly and no fun anymore. He basically told me that.”
“He is a prick and would be crazy if actually said any of that,” Seungkwan says. Then, a bit more gentle, “And you are the most fun person I know. He’s just jealous that he hasn’t been fun since like, 2011.”
“He’s not that old, Seungkwan-ah,” Soonyoung reminds him, even though he’s not so sure why he’s defending him anyway.
“I don’t care,” Seungkwan says with an easy shrug of his shoulders. He sits at the end of the bed, reaching out to grab a limb, hoping for comfort. Soonyoung jerks his ankle away and Seungkwan frowns, reaching further to grab it, anyway. “Hyung, you know we love you, right?”
“Well, not all of us, but—”
Wonwoo is cut off by a sharp stomp on his foot from Chan and Wonwoo just gives him a tight smile instead, one that mirrors Chan’s.
“You don’t deserve anything that he did to you. He was shitty, seriously—just a super shitty thing to do.”
“I never liked him, for the record,” Wonwoo adds, and when Soonyoung picks his head up just to glare at him, Wonwoo just smiles again.
“But you can’t stay like this forever,” Seungkwan finishes, much to Soonyoung’s dismay because he really would like to stay like this forever. His bed is cozy. There might be some shrimp chip crumbs here now, but it’s still cozy.
“I can, actually,” Soonyoung argues. “My Apple watch finally stopped reminding me to hit my daily ten thousand steps, so even technology has adjusted.”
“No, hyung,” Seungkwan says, voice similar to Minghao’s when he scolds Seokmin for something like chewing with his mouth open. It kinda scares Soonyoung for a second. “We’re going out. We’re getting you out.”
“Out?” Soonyoung sits up, almost positive his hair is sticking out in four different directions. “Out how?”
“Out to get—laid or something, I don’t know,” Seungkwan says, throwing his hands up. He smiles, a little terrifying, and a lot like Seungkwan used to smile back in college when he was a terrible gossip and also everybody’s favorite person to confide in, a beautifully horrible combination. “You need to rip the Soohyuk-shaped band-aid off. You need to put yourself out there!”
“I said no using his name!”
“Exposure therapy,” Seungkwan says dismissively. “Wonwoo, text Myungho and Seokminie hyung.”
“I am not your secretary.”
“Fine.” Seungkwan rolls his eyes. “Chan-ah, text Myungho and Seokmin.”
“Aye, aye, captain.”
Soonyoung frowns, deep and completely sour, despite the grin Seungkwan is still wearing. “I am not doing this, Kwan-ah.”
“What if it was for your own good?” Seungkwan proposes. He gets up, immediately shuffling over to Soonyoung’s closet, ripping the doors open. “What if it was for our own good?”
“I would say you’re being selfish.”
“It’s not selfish if we have your best interest in mind for our best interest, too,” Chan says. He looks up from his phone where he has no doubt just shot his hyungs a text. “PEMDAS. It cancels out.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Wonwoo mumbles, but Chan doesn’t get a chance to argue because Seungkwan is speaking again. Soonyoung wishes he would stop doing that and also just disappear altogether.
“Kwon Soonyoung,” he says very gravely, “what happened to the hyung I once knew in college? The hyung who was so alive and free and had a knack for picking up hot dudes at the bar like it was his job? Where is he, hyung? Where has he gone, huh?”
“Low blow,” Soonyoung says. “He grew up. Oh, and got dumped by his boyfriend of five years.”
“Unacceptable,” Chan says, and then he crawls onto Soonyoung’s bed and starts shoving at his body, a futile attempt to get him up. Soonyoung does not budge; instead giving Chan all his dead weight, which Wonwoo laughs harder at than both Seungkwan and Chan appreciate.
“You are hot and sexy, hyung! You have a kickass job and a gym membership and anyone would be lucky to have you,” Chan goes on to add, and Soonyoung doesn’t really wanna dispute that, but he also knows he’s just being smooth-talked to get out of bed, so he turns around to try and wrestle Chan into a hug instead. “You can’t let these good looks and grade-A qualities go to waste!”
“Watch me,” Soonyoung says after successfully holding Chan from the back, making eye contact with Wonwoo over his shoulder, silently warning him that he’s next. Wonwoo just surrenders the comforter, letting it drape over them instead. “I don’t even have any game anymore. I haven’t flirted with anyone in years. I’m old and unlovable now.”
“Soonyoung-ah, I’m wounded,” Wonwoo says, holding a hand over his heart. “We’re twenty-seven, not dead.”
“What’s the difference?’
“The difference,” Seungkwan says, turning away from the closet, holding a pair of leather pants that have not seen the light of day in at least three years, “is that when you’re twenty-seven you can still bounce back from tomorrow’s hangover.”
“Sort of,” Wonwoo adds.
Seungkwan just shoots him a look, tossing the pants at Soonyoung, who lets go of Chan in favor of catching them. “We’re going.”
“We’re not!”
Chan’s phone buzzes, and he finally wiggles his way over to where it slipped out of his pocket when Soonyoung trapped him in the bone-crushing hug, unlocking it with just a touch.
“Seokmin hyung,” he says as an explanation, right before he turns his phone, a video of Seokmin downing half a bottle of soju on the screen. Oh, Jesus.
“We’re going!” Video Seokmin cheers after he’s cleared all the peach-flavored alcohol, all through the grainy pixels of the phone, and a warning Seokmin-ah, honey, no, from Minghao in the background.
Soonyoung is sure twenty-seven is starting to feel a lot like dead, anyway.
* * *
The club is loud and flashy and had it been any time in college, Soonyoung probably would have flourished in an environment like this. He was notorious back then for frequenting this sort of party scene; it’s actually where he had met his boyfriend. Well, ex-boyfriend.
So if Soonyoung was twenty-two again, he would have immediately grabbed someone like Chan or Minghao, headed to the dance floor, and stayed there until the whole club started to clear out, or until a handsome stranger came to whisk him away, because Soonyoung was pretty good at that, too, back in the day. Again, it’s how he met—
“No thinking about him,” Seungkwan scolds him, reaching out to put a purposeful flick to the side of Soonyoung’s head. It’s surprisingly strong. Soonyoung reaches to rub at it with the hand not holding a cocktail. “We’re here to get you over him. We’re here to get you laid!”
The way Seungkwan says it sounds like it's this new, grand variety show or something, the kind Soonyoung used to watch in high school when he stayed home sick. Win a date with an eligible bachelor! Except this time, the bachelor is him, a loser who has recently been dumped and is being forced out of his self-inflicted isolation, by his no-good friends who are tired of seeing him drag his feet around and cry.
“You’re an obvious catch, hyung,” Seokmin tells him, reaching out to clap him hard on the back. Soonyoung sploshes his drink a little at the force, and Seokmin doesn’t seem even mildly apologetic. “I think getting out and meeting someone new will be good for you. Right, Myungho-yah?”
Seokmin grins at his boyfriend who looks less than enthused, wordlessly raising his gin and tonic to his lips. He takes a sip and shrugs, before fixing Seokmin with a look, a silent secret that Seokmin seems to understand, which in turn results in some nervous laughter.
“Right,” Seokmin says, turning back to look at Soonyoung.
“Myungho-yah,” Soonyoung pleads, ignoring Seokmin, “we could get out here. If you loved me, you’d let me leave.”
Minghao’s reply is just as dramatic. “We are outnumbered, babe.”
“Correct,” Seungkwan says proudly. “Besides, there’s nothing wrong with getting a little action. Most people sleep around after a breakup. Your hoe era, if you will.”
“I will not,” Soonyoung says, displeased. “And what would you know about a hoe era, anyway?”
“I’m friends with Chanie.”
“Hey!”
“So what exactly are we looking for?” Wonwoo asks, crushing some of the ice from his drink with his teeth because he’s a bit barbaric like that. “Big dudes? Little dudes? What’s your type these days?”
Soonyoung frowns. He doesn’t even know who his type is anymore. He hasn’t looked at anyone who wasn’t Soohyuk for half a decade, and before that, he was still in college, young and very stupidly obsessed with guys that looked like going to the gym was their full-time job. But now he’s an adult. He has a 401k and has to occasionally carry tums with him.
What even is his type? Who even is he?
“Someone willing to love me even though I have a bag of snacks shoved into my pocket," is what he settles on. He is only mildly spirally and he would like to not do that here.
“I told you to leave those at home,” Seungkwan huffs. “There is nothing sexy about shrimp chips.”
“Speak for yourself,” Chan interjects, to which Seungkwan wordlessly flips him off.
“You know we’re not here for love, anyway,” Seungkwan continues, snaking an arm around Soonyoung’s shoulder. “We’re here to find someone respectful and just cute enough that you can get your dick wet for the night. Just this once. Just as a treat.”
“Hate when you say things like that,” Wonwoo mumbles, but then they’re moving on, Seokmin giving Soonyoung another little jostle.
“How about that guy?” Seokmin points across the bar, before Minghao tugs his hand down, scolding him for pointing at strangers, but he pays no mind. “He’s kinda cute.”
“He’s fine,” Soonyoung says, noncommittal. He and Seokmin have drastically different tastes in men. It’s why Seokmin is dating Minghao, beautifully terrifying Minghao, who has a heart of gold, and Soonyoung is single because he went for the brawn and pretentious brains that dumped him.
“Are you using ‘fine’ in the literal sense?” Wonwoo asks, peering over Seungkwan’s shoulder to get a good look at Soonyoung.
Seungkwan glances at him, an annoyed sort of look on his face. “What other sense is there?”
“Y’know,” Wonwoo says, “like, he’s fine.”
“Oh, hyung,” Chan laughs, “please don’t do that again.”
“Hard agree with Chanie.” Soonyoung frowns. “And it was the literal sense.”
“Picky, picky,” Wonwoo mumbles, getting back to his ice, and crushing another piece obnoxiously.
Soonyoung groans, downing the rest of his vodka soda because being around his friends sometimes warrants that, especially when his friends are trying to pawn him off on some sleazy dude from the club. He loves them, really, and he knows they mean well, but he just wishes that they weren’t so hell-bent on treating this breakup like he’s the protagonist in a romantic comedy, who can just get some and quickly move on. I mean, Soonyoung loves a rom-com just as much as the next guy, but come on, those are never realistic. Hardly any substance, either.
“You guys are setting me up for failure,” Soonyoung tells them, turning his back to the room and in toward his friends, fixing them all with what he hopes is his sternest look. “I don’t even know how to flirt anymore.”
“Of course you do,” Seungkwan assures him. “Flirting is a basic human instinct. Follow your gut. You’re a Gemini!”
“What’s that got to do with anything?” Wonwoo asks, genuinely confused.
“Gemini—flirty,” Minghao offers as a lackluster explanation, and Wonwoo nods.
Soonyoung, however, rolls his eyes. “Not entirely true. I’m rusty.”
“You’re hot and sexy!” Seokmin corrects him like it is imperative.
“Want me to go over and spill my drink on him?” Chan offers, holding up his tequila and—Sprite? Soonyoung thinks it's Sprite—looking very serious about it.
Minghao looks at him, dead-faced. “What is that supposed to do, Chan-ah?”
“Strike up a conversation.” Chan tsks. “It’s the oldest trick in the book!”
“Pretty sure the oldest trick in the book is the ‘you come here often’ line,” Seokmin says. He looks up like he’s really thinking about it. Soonyoung has no idea what book they’re both reading, but he must’ve misplaced his copy. “Which is foolproof, by the way. It’s exactly how I got Myungho to go out with me.”
“I wish you’d stop telling people that.”
“Tell him you have a big dick,” Wonwoo suggests, also just as serious as Chan had been, and Soonyoung is starting to think he is more doomed than he thought.
Soonyoung feels his eyes get wide. “I can do that? I should do that?”
“Please, no—“ Minghao tries to argue just as Seokmin starts, “You should tell him your dick is below average. People are less intimidated that way. Again, how do you think I got Myungho to—“
“Seokmin-ah, I swear to god—“
“I’m getting another drink,” Soonyoung says suddenly, rubbing his temples like he can feel a real genuine headache coming on. He wishes he was home with his shrimp chips and Netflix. He wishes he would stop listening to his friends. “Please do not follow me. And please do not try and spill your drink on anyone, Chan.”
“No fun.” Chan grimaces, just as Seungkwan calls after him with a, “Order something slutty!”
Soonyoung doesn’t stick around to specify what that means, instead heading to the bar with his empty glass and his morale low. He will admit, getting out probably is good for him, but just not like this. Not forced from the comfort of his duvet and ratty, old pillow, practically thrown into a sea of men with the task of taking one home for the night. Soonyoung would have much preferred a brunch.
He’s just rounding the bar, still dragging his feet on the sticky tiled floor when he collides with someone turning in the opposite direction, the drink the stranger is holding spilling all down the front of his shirt.
“Oh, my god,” Soonyoung mumbles, and even though it was a genuine accident, he still feels bad, even if it was this guy’s own drink on his own top. “I’m so sorry!”
“Oh, hey,” the stranger says, voice smooth and easy on the ears, even above the vaguely deafening noise of the bar around them. “That was my fault. I gotta start watching where I’m going.”
Soonyoung reaches for the stack of napkins on the bar, immediately pressing them to where this guy’s beer is splayed across his black tee shirt, and Soonyoung is then met with a firm chest, and—
“Oh, wow.” Soonyoung drops his hands, helplessly holding the damp napkins still. “I just totally felt you up. I did not mean to do that.”
The guy laughs, giving him a reassuring shake of his head. “It’s ok. There are way worse people in this bar to be felt up by,” he says, and oh, Soonyoung hasn’t been flirted with in a while, but that sort of feels like flirting.
“Oh, uh,” Soonyoung stutters, like he isn’t sure if he should just run away, or maybe run all the way home, but then he remembers what they came here for, and he’s already talking to this guy which is half the battle, so just rip the bandaid off. He straightens up. “Can I buy you a drink to make up for it? I was heading this way, anyway.”
The stranger smiles. It’s a nice smile, Soonyoung thinks, a little square around the edges, but just the right amount of warmth. “That’d be nice of you,” he says and Soonyoung smiles back.
“I’m Soonyoung, by the way.”
Are you supposed to introduce yourself to people you’re trying to sleep with? Seungkwan would probably tell him he’s not supposed to, but Seungkwan is also a bit insensitive when it comes to club hookups, always has been. Soonyoung thinks knowing this guy’s name is the least he can do.
“Jun,” he says back, and when Soonyoung tells him it’s a cute name right before he turns to order their drinks, he pretends he doesn’t see the blush on Junhui’s cheeks for the sake of staying cool. He can do this. Basic human instinct and all that.
“Thanks.” Junhui accepts the new beer graciously, not even caring much about the fact that his tee shirt is still very much damp, and very much smells like beer. Soonyoung still feels awful. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“Least I could do,” Soonyoung assures him. They both take a sip and Jun doesn’t make a move to head back into the crowd, so Soonyoung keeps going. “I would’ve had a guilty conscience all night.”
“Oh, seriously, don’t sweat it,” Junhui throws a dismissive hand at him. “I move too fast. My hyung always chews me out for it.”
Soonyoung laughs a little. “Is he here? I’d hate for him to see you like that and chew you out again.”
This time, it’s Junhui’s turn to laugh. “He’s here. Probably busy being gross with his boyfriend. So I think we’re in the clear.”
“Being gross,” Soonyoung repeats, laughs a little more. “Very charming.”
“I'm sparing you the details, Soonyoung-ssi, please be thankful,” Junhui says, a little joke he thinks. He has a tiny accent, Soonyoung is pretty sure, but he doesn’t prod. He thinks Junhui is cute enough and so far, seemingly respectful, so he checks both of Soonyoung’s bare minimum boxes for who he should be going home with tonight.
He’s handsome; big eyes, broad shoulders, sharp jaw that outlines a pretty face, constellations of moles decorating the skin there. He will definitely do.
“Thank you for your service, then,” Soonyoung says. And then because he’s not subtle and also has no idea how to do this, “What about you?”
Junhui looks confused. “What about me? I already have the details whether I was interested or not, so—”
“No,” Soonyoung shakes his head with another tiny laugh, “I mean do you have any— friends. Like that.”
Are you single and willing to leave this bar with me right now because you’re hot and I’m sad and you are apparently the only way out right now.
That’s what Soonyoung wishes he could say, just to lay it all out on the table and get it over with. He’s trying to keep some semblance of composure, though, so he does not.
Junhui raises his eyebrows like it’s clicking then. He takes another sip of his drink and nods, slowly, and then when he moves his glass back down to the bar, Soonyoung can see the tiniest bit of blush on his cheeks.
“No,” he says. “I don’t.”
“Me neither,” Soonyoung says. They stare at each other for a minute.
“Cool.” Junhui swallows harshly, then shrugs. “Wanna get out of here?”
Basic human instinct.
* * *
Soonyoung hasn’t kissed anyone that wasn’t Soohyuk in literally five years, but he can tell that Junhui is good at it.
For all his awkward pauses and silly laughter in the cab over here, he is graceful and excited all at once to have Soonyoung’s mouth pressed against his, adding the right amount of force when he needs it, and slipping his tongue past Soonyoung’s when he feels fit, making Soonyoung’s head spin. Soonyoung feels like he’s running a marathon; his breathing is getting all erratic and shallow, like this is the final sprint or something.
“You’re really hot,” Junhui mumbles against his lips, the words barely audible, but Soonyoung is unfortunately a people pleaser and would be able to decipher a compliment from a mile away, so he hears him, anyway. “Like, seriously.”
Soonyoung preens under the attention with a soft groan, detaching their lips for the fastest second, taking a minute to collect himself. They’re on his couch, Soonyoung perched on top of Junhui where they are both enjoying some very tasteful grinding because that honestly never goes out of style in Soonyoung’s opinion, and he’s very glad Junhui seems to agree.
“So are you,” Soonyoung returns easily, because that much is true, and that much is the exact reason why Junhui is here with him tonight.
He leans back down to kiss him again, and then Junhui’s hands are at his sides, slipping under his top, carefully, cautiously, like he doesn’t want to overstep. It feels strange having someone else’s hands on him, regardless if they are as gentle and warm as Junhui’s. The realization of what’s happening here hits Soonyoung like he’s got the wind knocked out of him, and before he can even fathom it, Junhui is speaking again, soft and somehow sweet, despite their current situation.
“Hey. Can I blow you?”
“Oh.” Soonyoung swallows, throat suddenly dry. Junhui’s lips are kiss swollen and pink, and Soonyoung feels heat pool in his stomach, alongside the aching feeling of guilt, all at the fact that he is definitely using Junhui right now, and he’s starting to feel bad about it. “You really wanna?”
Junhui nods, looking way more eager than anyone else has ever been to suck Soonyoung’s dick, and that only brings Soonyoung to a new, different, mild tailspin. Junhui looks at him like he—actually wants him. It’s sort of scary.
Oh, god, why didn’t anyone warn him about this part?
“I really wanna,” Junhui confirms, hands squeezing at Soonyoung’s thighs, massaging the muscle there, shifting slightly while he’s at it, where Soonyoung can feel Junhui is half hard under him.
“Yeah,” Soonyoung finds himself agreeing, despite it all. “Yeah, you can—want that.”
Honest to god, Junhui makes a little yay sound, and then they switch positions, and Junhui slips off the couch to get to his knees and all of this is happening fast. Junhui pauses at the clasp of Soonyoung’s jeans, raising his eyebrows in a silent question. Can I? Soonyoung nods.
He nods, but it isn’t until after that that Soonyoung seems to truly come to his senses and grasp the magnitude of it all. Recently single, after being dumped by his boyfriend of five years, Soonyoung is here, letting himself be talked into a sleazy club hookup by his friends, even if Junhui is probably the nicest guy he’s ever met at a bar and is also still outrageously handsome. It just feels—all sorts of wrong.
This isn’t him. This isn’t how he should be. He’s still—grieving and Junhui is still nice and he should leave him out of this. He thinks he might start having a panic attack.
“I mean—uh. Wait. Please?”
Junhui pauses, halfway through getting Soonyoung’s jeans down his thighs, the two of them caught in that awkward scoot you have to do when you’re sitting and trying to get naked. He moves his hands away and folds them in his lap, right over where he is still very much half-hard. Oh, god.
“Are you—” Junhui starts, then stops. He seems to be thinking, bottom lip caught between his teeth. He tilts his head. “Did I do something? Or can I do something?”
“No, it’s not you,” Soonyoung is quick to assure him. “You’ve been so lovely and you’re honestly super hot, I just—”
Soonyoung pauses, dropping his head in his hands and breathing through a shaky sigh. Junhui seems to pick up on the newly surfaced, outside tension and sits next to him, abandoning his spot between Soonyoung’s legs which he is thankful for, but had it been any other time, it probably would’ve been a great view. He gently pats Soonyoung’s shoulder, politely, an arm's length away from the other side of the couch.
“Do you wanna talk, Soonyoung-ssi?”
Soonyoung does not want to talk, not really. Soonyoung wants things to go back to how they used to be when he was happy and in love, or maybe, in another life, where Soonyoung had never even met Soohyuk in the first place, and he never had to go through any of this. Soonyoung wants to tell Junhui he’s sorry for wasting his time and being a selfish bitch. He sighs again.
“I got dumped last week,” Soonyoung says, without really even thinking about it. He hasn’t spoken about it since it happened, since he walked into Wonwoo’s room with tears in his eyes and Wonwoo called everyone to talk him through it. It feels weird saying it out loud again. Junhui’s hand is still on his shoulder. “You ever been dumped, Jun-ssi?”
Junhui nods, solemn, and Soonyoung sort of misses his smile. “Lots of times. One time a guy dumped me because I was a cat person over dogs.”
“Oh, that’s terrible,” Soonyoung coos, wanting to laugh a little even in the moment. “I much prefer cats, too.”
“Of course, you do. They’re the superior house pet,” Junhui says with a small smile and then gets a little more serious again. “But breakups suck, seriously. I’m sorry that happened to you. They don’t know what they're missing.”
“That’s very sweet of you to say,” Soonyoung says. “All you know about me is that I can’t make it through a lousy bar hookup without missing my ex.”
“And that you’re a cat person,” Junhui adds, sounding absolutely serious still. Then, a little brighter, maybe, he says, “Hey. Do you like milkshakes, Soonyoung-ssi?”
Soonyoung, despite himself, smiles.
* * *
Junhui likes milk chocolate chip, which should be a red flag, but isn’t.
Because he’s here, at the diner around the block from Soonyoung’s place, a milkshake in front of both of them, all paid for by Junhui’s card, at his insistence. There have been weirder nights out, Soonyoung guesses, but this one is definitely up there. He didn’t expect to be sat across from the pretty man he had made out with thirty minutes prior, now under fluorescent diner lighting, talking over the jukebox in the corner, but for some reason, it feels right.
“So your friends were the ones who tried to put you out there,” Junhui summarizes, slurping obnoxiously loud through his straw, garnering the attention of the sole other table occupied here at this hour. Soonyoung doesn’t think he minds; normally he’s the one attracting unwanted attention, so the change in pace is nice.
Soohyuk always hated any attention Soonyoung got. He pushes the thought out of his mind.
“Yeah,” Soonyoung confirms through a gulp of his own. He reaches for his spoon and scoops some of the whipped cream off the top. “I thought I was ready. I thought it could help me. But—five years is sort of a long time. It’s hard to come back from that sort of relationship just in the blink of an eye.”
“Half a decade,” Junhui offers, maybe just for the sake of saying something, but Soonyoung thinks it helps drive his point home. “I don’t blame you, Soonyoung-ssi. I think I would’ve freaked out, too. That’s not something you get over overnight. Regardless of what the movies might say.”
“Right?” Soonyoung wants to hold his hands up for a second and thank god that somebody finally gets it. “Seungkwanie watches too many romantic comedies for his own good.”
Junhui laughs and Soonyoung knows it’s only been a matter of hours, but he thinks he’s growing quite fond of Junhui. He’s easy to talk to in the way an old friend is; he’s kind, and understanding, is a cat person, and from Soonyoung can tell from peeking at his Howl’s Moving Castle lock screen, has an anime addiction that may even rival Wonwoo’s. He’s—normal. A breath of fresh air.
“I’m sorry it had to be you, though,” Soonyoung apologizes, genuinely. He feels like all he’s done tonight is apologize to Junhui, but he’s on a roll apparently, so he won’t be stopping any time soon. “You probably were hoping to actually go home with somebody tonight. Not just—go home with them, watch them have a breakdown while you prepare to suck their dick, and then go out for milkshakes.”
“In our defense, your dick wasn’t out yet. I think that counts for something.” Junhui takes another loud slurp and this time, nobody looks over. Soonyoung stifles a laugh. “But don’t be sorry, seriously. I’m not usually in the business of sleeping with strangers, anyway. I just thought you were interesting.”
“Interesting,” Soonyoung repeats. “Is that a nicer way of calling me ugly?”
Junhui snorts out a laugh. Wildly unattractive, but highly endearing. “Absolutely not. I told you you were hot, you better believe it.”
“Are you flirting?”
“I already went home with you, Soonyoung-ssi,” Junhui says with a grin. “I don’t think I need to flirt anymore.”
“Oh, you little—”
“Hey,” Junhui interrupts, sitting up a little straighter and then clearing his throat.
“Hi.” Soonyoung takes another sip and then watches as Junhui extends his hand. “What are you doing?”
“Starting over,” Junhui says. “I’m Jun and I was born in Shenzhen and I like mint chocolate chip. I’m trying to be an actor, but in the meantime, I’m a barista, and I have a Hoya Kerrii that I am trying to take care of, but am quickly realizing I do not have a green thumb.”
“Shenzhen,” Soonyoung marvels. “I thought I clocked an accent. Your Korean is really good. Also—what’s the Hoya Kerrii’s name?”
“Tiffany,” Junhui says very seriously.
“Like the brand?”
“No, like Girls’ Generation.”
Soonyoung grins, taking Junhui’s hand.
“I’m Soonyoung. I’m from Namyangju and feel indifferent about mint chocolate chip. Also, I’m an editor for a fashion magazine and was recently dumped, so I am, currently, sort of a mess.”
Junhui makes a face, disapproving. It’s sort of a funny look, given the seemingly sweet disposition Junhui has, so Soonyoung resists the urge to laugh.
“You really wanna include the breakup in your intro?”
“Talking about it is supposed to help, no?” Soonyoung folds his arms over his chest, somewhat offended.
“True,” Junhui agrees. Then, “But it doesn’t define you.”
Soonyoung goes to respond, hopefully say something that doesn’t embarrass him like the blush on his cheeks already does, but then his phone buzzes, loud and unwavering, disturbing the peace of the diner as it vibrates against the marble table. Soonyoung picks it up, already about ninety-nine percent sure who it is.
wonu: Sooooo are you still climbing that man that we all saw you leave with like a tree or what
wonu: Those were chanie’s words btw. I just wanna know if I can come home yet
Soonyoung must be frowning because Junhui laughs a little then, pulling his attention back from his phone.
“You good?”
“My friend,” Soonyoung says, locking his phone and gently placing it back in front of him, despite how he would much rather toss it across the room, crack his screen, and never have to talk to any of them again. “They think I’m—doing you.”
Junhui just hums, going for another sip of his drink. When he says nothing else, Soonyoung takes it as his cue to continue.
“I think I’d rather stay here and just let them think we’re boning just to avoid having to face their disappointment.”
“Disappointment?” Junhui laughs a little. “That seems dramatic. What are they gonna do when they find out you didn’t? Cut your dick off?”
“Don’t give them any ideas,” Soonyoung bemoans. “They’re demons, Jun-ssi. They won’t let me rest until I get my dick wet. They’re tired of me moping around and filling the joint with shrimp chips. Which is fair, I guess.”
“Shrimp chips are yummy,” Junhui says passively. Finally a man of taste. Then, “But no offense, they don’t sound like the greatest friends. At least not at the moment.”
“Oh, what makes you say that?”
Soonyoung is going for sarcasm, so when Junhui laughs through another sip of his milkshake, it’s much appreciated. He sighs, though, already mentally drafting the speech he will have to give when he comes clean, that instead of sucking some hot guy’s dick, he sucked down a milkshake and unloaded all his emotional trauma from this week onto said hot guy. Honesty was always the best policy anyway.
“Just tell them we slept together,” Junhui tells him. “How are they supposed to know?”
“They won’t. Not really, I guess.” Soonyoung thinks about it. He thinks Minghao might weirdly be able to see through him. He’s always had that strange gift of foresight. “But when I’m still—home all the time wearing my sweats with the hole in them, they’ll know it’s not really fixed, and then they’ll probably drag me to more clubs, and it will be a horribly vicious cycle. I’ll get over my ex by the time I’m thirty, maybe.”
Junhui hums again. Takes another sip of his milkshake. He gets to the bottom of it and it makes an awfully loud noise, and now everyone looks over at him again.
“Not if we keep sleeping together.”
“What?” Soonyoung frowns. “Jun, I don’t know if you’re on some hallucinogens or something, but we actually did not make it to my bed. Sorry to inform you.”
“I’m not on hallucinogens, you—” Junhui frowns now. “I meant it like—tell your friends we did sleep together, and then you can just… pretend we really hit it off and are consistently sleeping together. That way they leave you alone and you can properly grieve!”
Soonyoung laughs, loud, just once. Junhui is still just staring at him, hands politely folded around the glass of his milkshake, eyes stone-cold sober.
“Oh.” Soonyoung blinks. “You’re serious? How are you serious? I don’t understand.”
“Think about it!” Junhui says and Soonyoung is not sure Junhui has even thought about it. “If your friends think you’re regularly sleeping with someone, they’ll assume you’re getting over your ex for sure. Tell them we had good chemistry, blah, blah, blah, and then like, once a week, you can leave the house and tell them you’re doing me. It’s not like they’ll know.”
Soonyoung has never heard anyone sound more serious in their entire life. It’s like, this is the most normal thing anyone could propose, like people offer themselves up as fake fuck buddies all the time. Soonyoung can personally say he never has. Maybe Junhui does this often.
Still, he admittedly thinks about it. It’s crazy; it’s probably a worse idea than his friends’ was in the first place. Sleep with someone to get over your ex or pretend to sleep with someone so your friends get off your back and let you get over your ex. Two houses, both alike in dignity, and all that.
“They have my location,” Soonyoung says, honest to god thinking through this. “If I turn it off, it’ll be suspicious. And they’ll notice if I’m just—fucking around at the same cafe twice a week or something.”
“So come over,” Junhui says very simply. “We can be… friends. My apartment is small and sure, I have two roommates, but it’s clean and I’m not a serial killer. You can help me—I don’t know, run lines and I can help you get away from your friends. It’s a win-win.”
Soonyoung scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. He squints a little. Junhui looks unphased.
“I hardly know you,” he says. “You very much could be a serial killer.”
“You already took me home tonight,” Junhui points out, which Soonyoung can’t argue with. “And I told you about Tiffany. Not even my mom knows about Tiffany. That should count for something.”
“Is Tiffany like second base or something?”
“I’m thinking one and a half, maybe,” Junhui jokes, a cheeky grin on his face. Then, more seriously, “To be honest Soonyoung, I’m not working any sort of angle. You just… look like you could use a friend right now. Not like yours aren’t being friends, but I think they just—have a different way of healing than you do.”
Soonyoung is still silent for a minute. It’s an outlandish proposal for sure. Soonyoung is well aware there are more conventional ways of getting over your ex, ones that do not include pretending to sleep with a stranger you met at a club to appease your friends. But then again, Soonyoung has never been the most conventional person, and Junhui is nice, and maybe a friend, one that has no prior ties to Soonyoung and his whirlwind of emotions, is exactly what he needs right now. Maybe.
“It’s silly, I know,” Junhui admits easily. He still has that funny smile that Soonyoung can’t help but smile along with. “But this was probably the most memorable night of my life, which is saying something. And also, I really do need someone to run lines with me. My friends are starting to get too into it when I ask them to help. It’s throwing me off.”
“Flattery will get you nowhere,” Soonyoung says, even. Junhui just shrugs. “Do you do this often?”
“Which part?” Junhui raises a brow. “Take dudes for milkshakes or proposition them to be my fake fuck buddy?”
“Both.”
“Never.”
“I guess I should consider myself lucky then,” Soonyoung says. Junhui nods, and then shrugs again a little, as if to silently agree. Yes, you should.
And Soonyoung, however, should not agree. All rational parts of his brain are telling him how ridiculous it is. Soonyoung already knows that anyway. But he also knows that Junhui is easy to talk to and he’s just had the longest week of his life—he deserves to not think for a little. Maybe this can buy him some time. Maybe it will work and then they can all pretend like this never happened. Or something.
“You know what?” Soonyoung sits up, taking one last scoop of whipped cream. Sweet. “I’ll do it.”
The smile on Junhui’s face is immediate and also pretty, which is something Soonyoung can’t help but notice, although he pretends like he doesn’t.
“Soonyoung-ssi,” Junhui says, sticking out his hand across the table for Soonyoung to take once more, warm and inviting, “I think this is going to be a beautiful start to a very beneficial business venture.”
If that’s what they’re calling it, sure.
* * *
“Was he a good kisser? Was he a bad kisser? Was his dick big? Was his dick averagely sized? Was it below averagely sized?” Seokmin follows Soonyoung around the kitchen, like a puppy to its owner, questions going a mile a minute. Soonyoung has no idea how he has this much energy in the morning. Or ever. “You can’t leave us hanging, hyung, it’s been nine hours!”
Soonyoung looks over Seokmin’s shoulder to where Wonwoo is sitting at the island, hair a mess from sleep as he sips on the iced coffee Seokmin brought over, and scowls.
“Why did you let him in?” Soonyoung asks, to which Wonwoo just replies with a wave of his coffee, and that’s that. The traitorous bastard that Jeon Wonwoo is.
“I’m standing right here, by the way,” Seokmin points out, leaning over so he can stand in Soonyoung’s line of vision. He’s frowning, too. Good.
“Unfortunately, I can see that.” Seokmin does not appreciate the sentiment. “Why are you here?”
“To get the dirty, flirty deets,” Seokmin says like it’s a jingle, finally abandoning Soonyoung to take a seat next to Wonwoo. “Seungkwanie sent me. Also, Myungho was at his yoga class when I woke up this morning and won’t be back until noon. I have absolutely nothing to do today.”
“You should consider some hobbies,” Wonwoo suggests, aimlessly scrolling on his phone, not even bothering to look up at Seokmin as he insults him.
“Ones that don’t include listening to Seungkwan,” Soonyoung adds, only throwing more fuel to the fire, but Seokmin seems to have given up now.
“You can’t blame him for being nosy, we all are! You told us you were getting a refill and then Chanie spots you slipping out the exit with a dude that looks like he should be on the cover of GQ,” Seokmin explains. “Even Myungho was invested.”
Soonyoung rolls his eyes, turning his back to his friends to hide the look of alarm on his face. He didn’t think about this part—the part where he’d have to make up a lie about how epic his night was with Junhui. He should’ve known his friends would want all the details. Curse him for being so open about his sexual endeavors in the past. He panics, trying to get it out as fast as he can to avoid suspicion.
“If you must know—”
“And we must.”
“—it was good.”
Soonyoung turns around and Seokmin and Wonwoo are just staring at him, faces blank. Wonwoo has even deserted his phone, his Instagram feed lying lifelessly on the marble countertop. They blink.
“Just good?” Seokmin scoffs. “We need more!”
“You do not,” Soonyoung corrects him. “I’m grown now. I don’t kiss and tell anymore.”
“I wish that were true,” Wonwoo mumbles, just as Seokmin launches into another monologue—
“Again: good kisser, dick size, dirty talk, hand work—”
“Seok-ah, please,” Wonwoo begs, “we did not need to have this conversation over breakfast!”
“He was good, I seriously meant it!” Soonyoung insists, and then, racking his brain for the most realistic lie he can, “His dick was above average, but not scarily so. He sucked me off. He was a very good kisser and he was very polite. It was good.”
Soonyoung feels mildly terrible for making all that up about Junhui, but then again, Junhui was the one to suggest they fake it in the first place, and it’s not like he said anything bad about him, so he figures Junhui wouldn’t have a problem with it. Hypotheticals, anyway.
“Polite,” Wonwoo repeats with a laugh. Soonyoung doesn’t know why that part is funny to him, but he doesn’t ask.
Seokmin hums, obviously pondering all the information Soonyoung has given him. “Did you finish, at least? Coming is more important than dick size in my book.”
“That’s because your dick is small,” Wonwoo says, a joke, but Seokmin still lets out an offended gasp at it.
“Yes, I did,” Soonyoung says, trying to sound as convincing as possible. He was never the best liar. “I came. A lot. Like, a crazy amount.”
“Ok, gross,” Seokmin winces, “I don’t need that much information.”
Soonyoung shrugs, doing his best to keep his composure. He’s sweating from the adrenaline rush lying gives him and he hopes they can’t tell. “You asked,” is all he says.
“Whatever,” Seokmin says dismissively. He smiles then, all big and blinding, the same Seokmin smile as always. “You ripped the band-aid off, though. Now you can start doing dudes on the regular. And stop eating so many shrimp chips and family-sized jars of peanut butter.”
Soonyoung shoots a glance at Wonwoo. The family-sized peanut butter jars were supposed to be a secret. Wonwoo pointedly avoids eye contact.
“Yeah. Yeah, I feel good today,” Soonyoung decides to say instead, and it’s now or never. “Actually, I’m gonna see him again.”
His friends perk up, both wearing matching expressions of shock. Or confusion. Or are they happy? Soonyoung can’t tell.
“Kwon Soonyoung,” Seokmin says slowly, grin dimming but still there nonetheless. It’s less his real smile and more the one he does when he’s up to no good. “You got his number?”
“That I did, my beautiful, Seokminie.” Soonyoung leans down on the island to squeeze at Seokmin’s cheeks, even giving him a patronizing head pat while he’s at it.
Soonyoung hasn’t lied this much like, ever. Well, technically that last part isn’t a lie—Junhui’’s number is in his phone right now (saved as ‘jun’ with about four eggplant emojis) (“to drive the point home!”). It’s just not in his phone for the reasons Seokmin and Wonwoo now think it is, which is to use as an outlet to get over his evil, awful ex.
Wonwoo reaches out to feel Soonyoung’s forehead, frowning. “Are you feeling ok?” he asks. “This is like, a complete one-eighty from the Soonyoungie we knew yesterday.”
Soonyoung shrugs, still keeping up that calm and collected front because he is an adult and can totally lie about sleeping with a dude, thank you very much. “He realized he could achieve the same level of joy family-sized jars of peanut butter give him through an orgasm. Who would’ve thought?”
Wonwoo jerks his hand away with a groan as Seokmin laughs, absolutely thrilled. It’s not his proudest moment, but for now, it will do. For now, he can grieve. Or heal.
Preferably both.
* * *
Tiffany the Hoya Kerrii looks sad.
“I told you,” Junhui laments, peeking over Soonyoung’s shoulder as he regards the little plant, “I’m trying to keep her alive.”
“She just needs a little love, that’s all,” Soonyoung decides. He will most definitely be doing research later on how to specifically keep Hoya Kerrii alive. “We all do.”
“True,” Junhui agrees easily, much like Junhui does most things.
Junhui is as effortless as the day is long, Soonyoung is coming to realize. It’s nice to be around him, even if this is their first official meeting since that night at the bar last week. He’s a type of relaxed Wonwoo or Minghao can’t even hold a candle to, and he has a very oh, well outlook on the world that Soonyoung would like to absorb and send over to Seungkwan next time they hang out. He is hospitable if the apartment tour he is currently giving Soonyoung is anything to go by, and despite their weird circumstantial meeting, he’s treating Soonyoung like their introduction was the most normal thing in the world. Like he didn’t almost suck Soonyoung’s dick before they decided they would be better off as friends. Or more accurately, friends who pretend to fuck.
“So I guess that’s it,” Junhui concludes the apartment tour, gesturing around him.
They’re in his room now, which looks more like a showroom or a storage place rather than where someone is living. Or someone as eclectic as Junhui is living.
The bedspread is a dark gray, the walls a crisp white, and the corner has a pristine-looking armchair, one that looks like it has not been sat in, not even once. There’s a picture on Junhui’s dresser, Junhui smiling between a few faces that Soonyoung assumes are his friends, and then there is Tiffany and nothing else. Soonyoung doesn’t ask why.
“It’s nice,” Soonyoung tells him. “Quaint.”
“Quaint is just a nice way of saying tiny, isn’t it?” Junhui smiles at him, a shy sort of grin that Soonyoung mirrors. “It’s ok, Soonyoung-ssi, you can be honest and tell me it’s nothing compared to your place. I can take it.”
Soonyoung laughs because he can tell a joke is what Junhui is going for, and he reaches out to shove his shoulder a little. Friendly.
“I didn’t mean it that way,” Soonyoung says, even though Junhui is aware. “I think it really is nice. Plus, you live right up the block from my favorite tteokbokki place, so I think you have the better apartment after all.”
“It’s the little victories,” Junhui says, and then he starts leading Soonyoung out into the hallway again, back to the kitchen. The armchair in Junhui’s room still goes untouched, at least for now. “It gets the job done, though. Believe it or not, making coffee all day and being a struggling actor is not as glamorous as they make it out to be. I’m lucky I don’t live in a cardboard box next to the river.”
Soonyoung laughs. “Have you been in anything before? With the acting, that is. Anything I would know?”
Junhui shakes his head, almost like he’s embarrassed. He reaches into the fridge and holds up two cans of coke, tilting his head as if to silently ask Soonyoung if he wants one. Soonyoung nods.
“I was an extra in a crime show once and was on an infomercial for a coffee pot. If you need one, by the way, I have about nine, because that’s how they paid us.”
Soonyoung gasps, hand over his chest like he’s personally offended. “Unionize. Strike!”
“Oh, I know,” Junhui says, huffy, and Soonyoung laughs again. He accepts the can when Junhui finally hands it to him and is genuinely endeared when Junhui even opens it for him. “Right now I’m trying for this show that probably won’t even be popular, but I gotta get my foot in the door somehow.”
“That’s the spirit,” Soonyoung says. “What’s the role?”
“The lead actress’ boyfriend,” Junhui explains. “I have a few more auditions to go through before I make it happen, but. I think I spend more time brooding than actually being in love with her.”
“Ah.” Soonyoung hums. “A noble role. You know those brooding types are always my favorite.”
“Perfect. I can do some method acting around you then. Really stay in character to land this one,” Junhui says with a grin, making Soonyoung laugh.
He rounds the kitchen table and Soonyoung takes that as his cue to follow, into the living room now instead. He takes a seat on the couch and Soonyoung carefully sits next to him. The rest of the apartment is neat and orderly, much like Junhui’s bedroom. There are more pictures, a few oddly colored appliances, and a video game console shoved under the TV stand, but it still looks—not like Junhui. Maybe his roommates had more hand in decorating than he had. Maybe Soonyoung’s perception of Junhui is just wildly off.
“So you wanted to set some—boundaries,” Junhui says. He puts his Coke can on a coaster on the coffee table, so Soonyoung does the same.
“Right,” Soonyoung agrees, straightening up.
Although Soonyoung can be spontaneous and has been notorious for acting on impulse in the past, he does best when he has a set of rules to guide him. The situation is already ridiculous enough; Soonyoung has never even actually slept with anyone casually before, not frequently, anyway, so he doesn’t even know how to navigate that, let alone a fake relationship like that. A distinguished list of guidelines is necessary, he thinks.
“I think it’s just important if we’re on the same page for some things. To avoid—confusion and… well. Any more confusion than there might already be, at least.”
“Totally agree,” Junhui says easily. “Although, before we start, I have to confess that this isn’t an entire secret anymore. I mean, I had to come clean to my roommates when we went home together the other night. We were actually all out for my hyung’s birthday, so he tried to slut shame me when I came home later.”
It’s a joke, so Soonyoung laughs but still feels a bit bad all the same.
“I’m sorry for stealing you away then,” he says and wholeheartedly means it. “I’ll bring over an apology cake next time or something.”
“They make those?” Junhui tilts his head, before he reaches for his drink again, taking a big sip. “Don’t sweat it, though. As long as you’re ok that my roommates know the truth.”
“Of course. It makes sense, anyway,” Soonyoung says with a shrug. “We’re going to be here most of the time, so if they happen to be around—”
“And we’re not fucking—”
“Right.” Soonyoung feels his cheeks heat up again. He really wishes that would stop happening. “Anyway. More rules.”
“We should have a code,” Junhui says very seriously. “Like when I text you. So that way, if your friends are nosy and look at your phone, they don’t know that we’re just sitting here—playing Mario Kart and going over poorly written scripts.”
“I think if you text me ‘hey, you around?’ it could go either way, Jun-ah. I’m not sure I’ll ever be expecting you to proposition me for real sex.”
“Well, if you wanna be boring about it—”
“Also,” Soonyoung adds, “do you really have Mario Kart? Because that would be fun.”
“You insult me, Soonyoung-ssi.” Junhui scoffs. “Of course, I fucking have Mario Kart.”
“Good,” Soonyoung says. He is tired of getting his ass handed to him by Wonwoo in Mario Kart, so this will be his way to practice before getting revenge. “And come up with any code you want. Anything else we need?”
Junhui hums, tapping his chin like he’s thinking. “Honestly?” he says, “I’ve never done anything like this before. What are the rules usually?”
“Usually, I don’t think people pretend to bone someone so their friends leave them alone.” Soonyoung snorts out a laugh. “I don’t know, Jun-ah. I’ve never really done this either. Any house etiquette I should be up on, at least?”
Junhui shrugs. “Not really. You’ve been a delightful guest so far. Your parents should be proud.”
“I’ll let them know,” Soonyoung says, scoffing. “What do they usually do in movies for stuff like this again?”
“You wanna base this off a movie?” Junhui scoffs now, big eyes getting impossibly bigger.
“Oh, says you,” Soonyoung says accusingly. “This is the most ridiculous idea I’ve ever been roped into and yet—”
The front door opens then, bringing their attention to the man that now stands there, dark hair framing his tired, yet still stunning face, because it's bad enough that Junhui is handsome, of course, he had to have hot friends, too.
“Oh, hey, hyung!” Junhui peers over Soonyoung, throwing up a wave. This must be a roommate. Junhui had told Soonyoung they were both at work before; something about one of them being a nurse while the other was a bartender. Judging by the scrubs, Soonyoung can guess this one has not been serving vodka cran all day. “How was your day?”
“I delivered a baby, so I feel like god,” he says in place of a greeting.
“Hell yeah.”
His roommate shuts the door and tosses his bag next to him, not even aiming for the table there or anything, just dumping it. He looks at Soonyoung and then Junhui.
“Who’s this?”
He straightens up a little and smiles at his roommate. “I’m Soonyoung.”
“This is the guy I’m pretending to bone,” Junhui offers for context.
“Cute,” is all his roommate says. Soonyoung thinks he’s talking about him. “Wear protection then, Moon Junie. I already delivered one baby today, I don’t really wanna do it again.”
“But you could be the godfather,” Junhui insists. “They could call you Uncle Jeonghan!”
Jeonghan, Soonyoung assumes, just flips him off, exiting the room without another word.
“He seems—nice,” Soonyoung says, mostly just for the sake of saying it.
“Most people think he’s off-putting. Whatever that means.” Junhui shrugs before shaking his head, rounding back to the previous conversation. “I thought of a rule, though.”
Soonyoung makes a gesture. A silent proceed.
“No falling in love,” Junhui says, grinning like it's the funniest thing he’s said all night. “That’s from the movies, no?’
Soonyoung rolls his eyes. “Yes,” he confirms. Soonyoung huffs out a laugh, folding his arms over his chest. “For the sake of not offending you, I will agree. I will not fall in love with you, Jun.”
“Don’t sound so sure, Soonyoung-ah,” Junhui says, teasing, to which Soonyoung rolls his eyes. “I’m not like most dudes.”
No, Soonyoung thinks, he isn't.
* * *
‘hoya kerrii care instructions,’ is what’s typed into the search bar when Hansol and Mingyu bombard Soonyoung at his desk the next morning at work.
“Hyung!”
Mingyu’s voice is too loud for nine in the morning on a Monday, but it is expected, especially since Soonyoung spent all of last week working from home, and now two whole weekends have passed since Soonyoung last saw them. He supposes some yelling is necessary.
Mingyu is practically bouncing on his feet once he’s in front of Soonyoung’s desk, hand still wrapped around Hansol’s wrist like he dragged him over here. Which is plausible. “We missed you, oh my god. Didn’t we miss hyung, Hansol-ah?”
“Duh.” Hansol gives him a half smile. “We had no one to give us Women Street Fighter updates last week without you. It was hellish.”
Soonyoung rolls his eyes, albeit fondly. “Don’t worry, I took notes for you guys.”
“Exactly what I was afraid of,” Hansol mumbles out a joke.
“How’ve you been, hyung?” Mingyu asks, taking a seat on the edge of Soonyoung’s desk. He’s probably too big for that, but Mingyu thinks he’s tiny and Soonyoung isn’t going to be the one to point out that he’s not.
“Well,” Soonyoung starts, spinning around in his chair just once, “I was bad. I’m better now. I think. I don’t know. I’m here.”
“You’re here!” Hansol smiles, twirling around the ice in his coffee with his straw.
“You’re here,” Mingyu emphasizes, reaching out to put his hands on Soonyoung’s shoulders. Mingyu is a lot in the morning sometimes, and that’s coming from Soonyoung, who some may argue is always a lot. “I unfollowed— him on Instagram. His brunch posts were so corny, anyway.”
“Yeah, they were,” Soonyoung can’t help but agree, frowning slightly. “Thanks, though. I’ll be fine, I think. It’s just… gonna take some adjusting.”
“Of course,” Mingyu says with a nod, eyes wide and kind. Then, after a beat of silence, something more playful slips into his gaze. “But I heard you found a rebound. Or so Seungkwanie told Hansol and Hansol told me.”
“Hyung,” Hansol whines, like that part is supposed to be a secret.
Soonyoung holds in a sigh. Ah. Soonyoung hadn’t expected to have to deal with the lie of Junhui here, too, but it should’ve been assumed. Seungkwan can’t keep his mouth shut for anything, especially when it’s Chwe Hansol, not only Soonyoung’s coworker, anymore, but also—Seungkwan’s latest object of affection, or whatever they’ve been doing since Soonyoung introduced them at his last birthday. Rookie mistake.
“Oh, yeah,” Soonyoung says, nodding slowly. He spins in his chair again, mostly just to avoid eye contact. “I’m just—having fun with it.”
“That’s the spirit, hyung!” Hansol says, pulling a granola bar out of his pocket, which is quickly snatched from his hands by Mingyu who reads the label, probably checking for nuts because nobody cares less about his own allergy than Hansol. He is, as always, unphased. “Is he hot?” he asks.
“Of course he’s hot,” Soonyoung says, which isn’t a lie; Junhui is objectively attractive, it's what drew him to Soonyoung at the club in the first place, it just feels a little silly saying it considering the nature of their relationship now. “Did you guys expect any less of me?”
“Sometimes, maybe,” Mingyu admits, handing Hansol the granola bar again, now deemed safe for consumption. He eats half the bar in one bite. “Are you sure it's the right idea, though?”
“That he’s hot? Obviously, I have the right idea, I have eyes and can—”
“I didn’t mean that,” Mingyu says with a roll of his eyes. “I meant like—are you sure it’s a good idea that you’re sleeping with this guy to get over your ex? It’s still a new breakup.”
“Oh.” Soonyoung shifts in his seat as he thinks about it. He looks at the shine of Mingyu’s loafers instead and squints like it’s blinding him. Then he looks back up, putting on his best smile. “Yeah. It’s totally fine. I mean, does getting dumped after five years hurt? Yeah. Majorly, actually. I’m still—figuring it out. But! Jun is cool and nice to me, and he’s—he’s there. It doesn’t hurt to have someone there.”
“Totally,” Hansol agrees through a mouth full of granola. “I mean, you’re getting off, so.”
“Right,” Soonyoung laughs nervously, “I’m like—really getting off. A lot. Often.”
Mingyu and Hansol share a weird look. “Uh, ok?” Mingyu tries.
“Anyway.” Soonyoung clears his throat, straightening up. He needs to get better at the details of all this. “I’ll be fine. I’m happy I’m back.”
“You will be,” Mingyu assures him, reaching out to give him a pat on the back. “We’re here if you ever need to talk. Or at least, I’m here. Hansolie might pretend to be busy at the copy machine like he always does when he’s avoiding something, but—”
“It was one time!”
“And the report was due, Hansol.”
“Anyway,” Soonyoung says again, only this time with more finality, “I got a lot of stuff to catch up on so…”
They get the hint, Mingyu popping off the edge of his desk and grabbing Hansol by the sleeve, preparing to drag him back toward their own desks.
“Sure, hyung. Let’s meet for lunch?”
Mingyu suggests it with a smile, the same warm smile as always, and it hurts for a second because Soonyoung would love nothing more than to tell Mingyu and Hansol the truth, that he’s still hurting and he’s not really sleeping with Junhui and even if he were, it still wouldn’t help. But he doesn’t, because that would mean Seungkwan would find out, and then they’d be back to square one, and Soonyoung would feel bad because he’d be back to moping around making everyone’s lives miserable.
So Soonyoung smiles back.
“Only if we make Hansolie buy.”
“Since we missed you,” Hansol agrees, moody, and then with one more wave, they’re gone.
Soonyoung looks back at his screen, the Hoya Kerrii planting instructions still pulled up. Unlike most plants, our Hoya Kerrii thrive on neglect, it tells him.
At least somebody isn’t too bad at being alone.
* * *
Junhui is waiting outside his apartment the next time Soonyoung goes over.
He’s wearing a white button-down that has a stain Soonyoung is sure is coffee on the bottom corner and a pair of glasses on the edge of his nose as he looks down at the stack of papers he’s holding, the scribbles in the margin being enough that Soonyoung recognizes it as his script. He’s spread out on the bench outside his place like his name is on that, too, and the sight makes Soonyoung laugh, just a little.
“Hey,” Soonyoung grabs his attention, shoving his hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt, the fall air starting to hang a little crisper around them now. “Enjoying the view?’
“Hi,” Junhui says with a smile, closing the script when he looks up. The glasses are a cute look on him. “How could you not? Such beautiful scenery around here, Soonyoung-ssi.”
He gestures in front of him with the tattered paper, Soonyoung looking at the other apartment building he’s facing, where some people are currently dragging out their garbage pails. He laughs.
“What are you doing out here?’
“I was sexiled earlier when I came home from work and never went back in,” Junhui says guilessly. He shrugs, standing up and pulling out his phone as if to check the time or maybe some messages. “You have to be very careful about the timing of these things. I do not need to know what my hyungs sound like when they’re—”
“Jun-ah!” Soonyoung scolds him mildly, looking around. The people from across the street are the only other souls outside, but still, Soonyoung would rather not discuss Junhui’s friends’ sex lives outside their apartment building right now. Or ever, for that matter.
“Sorry, right, my bad,” Junhui apologizes halfheartedly. “They’re done now, though, don’t sweat it. Hey, you can even meet Joshua today!”
“Joshua,” Soonyoung repeats, the name sounding silly when he says it for some reason. “Cool. Hey, are you sure it's alright I came over? I didn’t have to, I can go back if now isn’t a good time, but Wonwoo was telling me that Chanie was coming over and—”
“You can come over whenever you wanna, Soonyoung-ah, seriously,” Junhui tells him, giving him a warm smile. “I mean, check first, because sometimes they’re, uh, occupying the place, but I don’t do much outside of the cafe. Even auditions are only—every so often.”
Soonyoung hums just as Junhui gestures to the front door, and Soonyoung leads them over so Junhui can punch in the door code. “That much free time?”
“Just for you, Kwon Soonyoung,” Junhui jokes, letting Soonyoung in first, holding the door with his hand not holding his script. He’s still got his glasses on and Soonyoung still can’t help but think that he looks cute. “I’m trying to do more with my—”
“Jun-ssi!”
There’s a woman in front of them now, probably around their age, looking right past Soonyoung at Junhui, a gigantic smile on her perfectly pink-lined lips. She’s pretty, like pretty in the obvious way, and she looks so thrilled to see Junhui that she doesn’t even notice Soonyoung is there or something.
“Oh,” Junhui is smiling back, bowing a little when he sees her, “Hi, Miyeon. How’s it going?”
“Pretty good,” the woman, Miyeon, says, keeping up the same smile. “Work’s treating you well?”
“Same old.” Junhui shrugs and gestures down at his shirt. “I come home stained with coffee half the time, but I like the customers.”
Miyeon laughs at that, loud and airy and pretty and Soonyoung thinks he gets it now. She likes Junhui. It's obvious.
“Well, coffee stains or not,” she says, rocking on the balls of her feet, “it’s a good look for you. Cute glasses, by the way.”
“Oh, thanks.” Junhui falters for a second and Soonyoung can see him swallow harshly around nothing. He looks at Soonyoung. “Uh—this is my friend, Soonyoung.”
Miyeon finally looks at him, her smile fading just a little, but remaining polite, pleasant.
“Hi,” is all she says and Soonyoung gives her a wave before she’s looking away again, back to Junhui. “Well, I’ll see you around, Jun. Hopefully sooner than later.”
“Yeah, sure,” Junhui agrees, stepping to the side to let her out to the door, which she snakes out of all while holding eye contact with Junhui. Soonyoung is pretty sure she even winks at him, which Soonyoung sort of wants to hate. For some reason.
“Miyeonie is our neighbor. She’s nice, isn’t she?” Junhui concludes once Miyeon is gone, heading over to the elevator, and pressing the up button for the two of them.
Soonyoung snorts out a laugh. “She’s nice because she wants to sleep with you. She hardly looked at me.”
“Sleep with me?” Junhui repeats, like the very idea is ridiculous. Like he’s not probably the most handsome tenant in this building. “No way.”
The elevator dings, signaling it’s arrived, and when the doors open Junhui looks a little confused, once again letting Soonyoung in first. If he wasn’t going through some sort of revelation—or maybe a crisis—Soonyoung would make fun of him and call him a gentleman.
“Yes way, dude,” Soonyoung insists. “She’s cute. She liked your glasses, too. She wants to bone! You should go for it.”
Junhui scoffs, pressing floor seven and watching the button light up before the doors close. Junhui makes a face.
“I think I’ll pass,” Junhui says slowly. “I don’t think I—wanna date right now.”
“Felt that,” Soonyoung jokes, receiving a pity look from Junhui in return. Soonyoung gives him a cheesy smile and assures him, “I’m fine! But I think you should go for it, Jun-ah. I’m surprised she didn’t jump your bones right in front of me.”
“Well, I’m glad she didn’t,” Junhui says once they reach his floor, the elevator doors opening again. “That would make me feel like an absolute harlot. I mean, all while I’m taking you upstairs to romance you?”
Soonyoung laughs at that, head dipping back with it. “Romance me? I thought we were just—doin’ it.”
“Semantics,” Junhui says with a vague wave of his hand. “You deserve a little romance while you’re doin’ it, anyway. Get swept off your feet and all that, y’know?”
“Oh, Moon Jun,” Soonyoung coos, teasing, “where have you been all my life?”
“Shenzhen, for at least half of it,” Junhui jokes. “With astonishingly a lot less free time than I have now.”
Distantly, Soonyoung is sort of glad he’s at least here now.
* * *
jun: [1 Attachment]
jun: kitty thats been coming around the cafe lately :3
kwon soonyoung: kitty baby!!!!!!!! id die for her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jun: :)
“Who are you texting?”
Seungkwan looks amused, halfway through taking a sip from his usual americano to fix Soonyoung with a look. They met up for lunch today, something about Seungkwan wanting to be a good friend, but Soonyoung is almost positive he’s only using swinging by Soonyoung’s office as an excuse to see Hansol. Which Soonyoung feels mildly responsible for since he’s the one they met through. Whatever. He made his bed and has now laid in it, he guesses.
“No one, mother,” Soonyoung says with a roll of his eyes, locking his phone and slipping it into his pocket. “Mind your business, nosy bitch.”
“Forgive me for being interested in your life,” Seungkan mumbles. He shifts in his seat a little, placing his chin in his hands as he leans over the table, nearly shoving his salad off the top as he does. He grins, wicked. “Dating apps?”
“No.” Soonyoung scowls. “I’m not ready for dating, I told you that last week when you tried to set me up with that dude that you work with.”
“Jungkook is hot!” Seungkwan says. “Besides, I’m trying to help you get over you know who.”
Soonyoung fights back the feeling of dread that consumes him again, or maybe it's anger, or guilt, or something else just as nasty that has seemed to accompany him in this breakup.
“I am getting over him,” Soonyoung says, hopefully with all the conviction he can muster, and then to drive the point home, “If you must know who I’m talking to, it’s the guy I’m sleeping with. Jun.”
At this, Seungkwan’s eyebrows raise, intrigued. He sits back and Soonyoung shoves a boatload of his salad into his mouth, hoping Seungkwan just takes that as his cue to drop it and go back to eating.
Of course, he doesn’t. “Is he sending you dick pics or something? Why are you guys even texting right now?”
“He is not sending me dick pics, it is one in the afternoon,” Soonyoung says, swallowing down way too much kale than anyone should. “We’re just—talking.”
“Talking,” Seungkwan says, skeptical. “I’m no expert, but I don’t think you usually ask the dude you’re boning how his day is going.”
“No one expected you to be an expert. You and Hansolie have been dancing around each other for months.”
“Fuck off,” Seungkwan swears. “Hansolie and I are taking it slow. Besides, I just wanna make sure you’re not—getting attached or something. You see him a lot.”
“Thank you for the concern, my dear Seungkwanie, but I’m a big boy,” Soonyoung says, reaching over to pat Seungkwan on the head. “I think I am capable of some casual sex to get over my shitty ex. A real cakewalk, if you will.”
“I never understood that expression,” Seungkwan says, sour. “Does that mean you’re doing ok? Don’t need me to intervene? Don’t want a hug?”
“Not from you, no,” Soonyoung says, snippy. His phone buzzes again in his pocket and Soonyoung makes a point not to look at it. “I’m finally becoming a normal person again and now you’re worried? Where was this energy when I wanted to eat shrimp chips and peanut butter?”
“Please tell me you never ate those together,” Seungkwan practically begs. “Wonwoo hyung never said it was together.”
“It wasn’t.” Soonyoung frowns deeper. “Not like it would matter anyway, because it was my decision to—”
“Look, hyung, I was never trying to make you feel bad,” Seungkwan says. He looks all serious now, sounds a little sorry, too. “It just genuinely made me sad seeing you all—depressed, thinking you were uncool or ugly or whatever other terrible lies that you were telling yourself! I wanted you to get laid!”
Soonyoung rolls his eyes, just a little. He sort of appreciates the sentiment, but he also thinks it's way too late to hear it and that sometimes, when he sits in his cubicle at work where the framed photo of him and Soohyuk used to be, he still feels uncool and it still hurts.
“It’s fine, Seungkwan-ah,” he says, short. He forces out a small smile that Seungkwan seems to appreciate. “I’m fine, seriously. Moon Jun is cool. We’re—I’m gonna be alright.”
“You are,” Seungkwan says slowly, reaching for his americano again. “Because you’re you, you know?”
They finish the rest of their lunch in a normal, somewhat argumentative fashion, and it’s fine, even when Seungkwan finally gives up all pretenses and just stops by his office to flirt with Hansol over the coffee he brings him, all while Soonyoung and Mingyu watch and poke fun at them.
And it’s later, once Seungkwan is gone, that Soonyoung finally checks his phone, pulling up Junhui’s message he had left unread before.
jun: you should come over later n meet the cat that hangs by the back of our building. hes fluff !!!
kwon soonyoung: it would be an honor
jun: :)
* * *
It’s easy to fall into a routine with Junhui.
Junhui’s roommates are out, Junhui has free time, and Soonyoung has yet to unfollow Soohyuk on Instagram, which makes for Soonyoung still watching his Instagram stories, which makes for a somewhat sad and yearning Soonyoung, at least seventy-five percent of the time.
It’s whatever; they’re working on it.
Because honestly, as silly as it is to admit, when Soonyoung is with Junhui, it's easy to forget about Soohyuk, and the way he dumped Soonyoung without much preamble, and his stupid pictures of what he had for brunch that day, and how shitty all of it makes him feel. Soonyoung likes Junhui. When he’s with him, Soonyoung is just— Soonyoung, guy from the club that he met a month ago that helps Junhui run lines, that is still shit at Mario Kart but does a pretty good at Just Dance when they occasionally play, who is a cat person, much like Junhui, because that matters.
Junhui lets him feel. Some days when he comes over, he’s mad; mad at Soohyuk, mad at himself for still feeling this way, and Junhui lets him rant before concluding what a dickface, which Soonyoung appreciates every time. On other days he’s still upset, still feels heartbroken and stupidly betrayed, and on those days Junhui lets him bitch and moan and then he pats his shoulder and sometimes he even has pastries from the cafe he works at for Soonyoung, and then things are better. Not okay, not yet, but better.
“Do you think that makes any of this any better?” Junhui sounds mad. Oh, he’s really in it now. “This thing we have between us?”
He pauses, just for one second and Soonyoung can’t help but giggle, absolutely breaking character, dropping his script to the floor between them. Junhui doesn’t look upset, but just smiles knowingly as if he’d expected Soonyoung to laugh at him at some point during his big monologue.
“Is the laughing because I’m bad or because it’s—silly seeing me like this?” Junhui still can’t help but ask, tossing his script to join Soonyoung’s.
“Silly seeing you all angry and serious,” Soonyoung tells him, very quick to reassure him. “I think the actual delivery was impeccable. One of your best, Jun-ah.”
“You flatter me, Soonyoung-ssi,” Junhui says, laughable, and then he turns to flop onto his back, legs kicking up against his bed, feet in the air. Soonyoung joins him because the position looks comfortable and his back is starting to hurt from sitting up for too long.
“You ok if we take a break?” Junhui asks as if this script has anything to do with Soonyoung. “I need a breather from the relationship drama, I think.”
“I can dig,” Soonyoung says easily, folding his hands and sliding them behind his head, staring up at Junhui’s ceiling instead.
It’s a Friday night, which means outside is busy with chatter and laughter and the low hum of cars in the distance, but Junhui’s apartment is quiet. It’s always like this, even when Jeonghan and Joshua happen to be in; a place of respite, a place that doesn’t feel so—overwhelmingly real, sometimes. Soonyoung likes it. Sometimes, these days, he even sort of finds himself looking for it. For the suede couches in his living room, the big open window Junhui has in the kitchen, the mismatched appliances from acting gigs, but the rest of the painstakingly picked out decor that—
“Hey, Jun?” Soonyoung turns his head to look at him, just for a second. Junhui hums. “Weird question.”
“There is no such thing as weird questions, only weird answers.”
“I don’t think that’s how the saying goes.”
“I don’t care.”
Soonyoung laughs. “Anyway. Your room.”
“What about my room?”
This time it’s Junhui’s turn to laugh back, just sort of a breath more than anything.
“I don’t know,” Soonyoung begins slowly. He looks over at Tiffany and feels a pang of empathy, her leaves still sagging and sad. “It doesn’t feel very… you.”
“Me.”
“Yeah,” Soonyoung says. He looks back over at Junhui but Junhui is still looking at the ceiling. Soonyoung looks at where their feet are up now instead, and tries not to laugh at Junhui’s socks covered in cats wearing suspenders. That’s exactly the point he’s trying to make here. “It looks very—plain. Not in a bad way. You just seem like a guy that would have a more… eccentric room.”
“Eccentric is just a nice way to say weird,” Junhui points out, but he’s smiling a little when he says it, so Soonyoung doesn’t think he’s offended him. Yet, at least. “Did you think I’d have like, a jar of googly eyes on my dresser or something?”
“Jar of—“ Soonyoung laughs, reaching out to nudge Junhui, rolling his eyes. “Forget I even said anything. I can get you some googly eyes, though, if you want.”
“I think it’d brighten up the room,” Junhui says, and then they’re laughing again, and then Soonyoung doesn’t press anymore, because it was a silly thing to do anyway. Silent for a beat. Junhui sucks in a breath.
“This is Joshua’s room, technically. Before he started dating Jeonghanie hyung,” he finally says. His voice is quieter now. He’s still looking at the ceiling when Soonyoung looks over at him. “And I never got to change it.”
“Oh,” is all he says. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to mean by that. Before he can make a stupid joke, though, or maybe ask why, Junhui continues, voice still just as quiet.
“It was—I only just moved in. Like, really recently,” Junhui starts to explain. “I left my old place, so my hyungs let me stay here since they had the extra room and now I’m… well, you’re right, it doesn’t feel like me.”
“It’s nice, though,” Soonyoung offers, a consolation. “What happened with your…?”
Junhui lets out another breath. “I got dumped, too.”
Oh.
“I don’t know why I didn’t say anything to you at first, because it wasn’t like, a secret, and people get dumped all the time, right?”
“I got dumped,” Soonyoung reminds him, like he didn’t already know, giving him a little nod.
“Right.” Junhui clicks his tongue. “I think I wasn’t ready to face it yet. I mean, we were living together—me and my ex—and then suddenly I was living here, and a week later I met you and. I sort of wanted to pretend like the breakup wasn’t a part of me. It’s nice to have a friend who knows you without all the emotional baggage.”
Soonyoung nods, slowly processing his words. “That makes sense,” he says, because it does. “I feel like that when I hang out with you. Even though you know I’m a mess, you don’t—know me like I was when I was with him. It makes it sort of easier. Somehow.”
“Right,” Junhui says again, nodding back. He glances at Soonyoung and looks all nervous about it, too, like Soonyoung was supposed to have this terrible, awful reaction. Maybe it's happened in the past. Maybe it’s why Junhui is here in the first place. “Sorry for not telling you. Sorry for being all—weird about it.”
“You don’t have to be sorry for anything, Jun-ah,” Soonyoung assures him. He’s not sure if he’s supposed to or allowed to, but he reaches down between them and slips his hand into Junhui’s just for a second, giving it a gentle squeeze. He smiles, just a little.
“I think that’s sort of the reason why I came up with—the elaborate, stupid idea to pretend we’re sleeping together,” Junhui says like he’s really thinking about it. “I mean, my hyungs are great, all my friends are, but I don’t know. A new start is always good when one thing ends.”
“That’s true,” Soonyoung agrees. “You could’ve just asked for my Instagram if you wanted to be friends, but—“
“I was helping you get your friends off your back!”
“Or so you say,” Soonyoung teases, giggling a little when Junhui rolls his eyes. “Kidding. They still think we’re definitely fucking.”
“Good,” Junhui mumbles, pretending to be pouty over it still. “I think posing as your friend with benefits might be the role that lands me my big break after all.”
“Look out, Hollywood,” Soonyoung jokes with an exaggerated shake of his hands, if only to hear Junhui laugh again, and when it works, he feels victorious. He gets a little serious again, nudging Junhui once more. “Hey, thanks for telling me, ok? You can tell me… anything in the future.”
Junhui smiles, and it’s warm, and pretty, and does something weird to Soonyoung’s chest that he’d rather not deal with right now.
“Thanks, Soonyoung,” he says. “You’re cool.”
(He’ll probably regret not dealing with that feeling sometime later.)
* * *
Soonyoung purchases a bag of soil with orchid bark and perlite after for Tiffany the Hoya Kerrii.
Honestly, he didn’t know what perlite was until it was in front of him, but this is supposed to be light and airy for the plant, Tiffany deserves to live, and Junhui deserves not to stress about killing the plant he has an actual attachment to. Plus, after their conversation the other day, Soonyoung feels like he could use a little cheering up since Junhui had been the one cheering him up the whole time. It’s only right.
“This seems—odd.”
Minghao is eyeing the bag of soil that Soonyoung is struggling to carry because they didn’t have smaller ones and Soonyoung didn’t feel like making the trek to another store to see if somewhere else did. It doesn’t help that they chose to walk today, the perfect fall weather luring them away from the subway station to stretch their legs instead. And now Soonyoung is paying the mild consequences.
“Define odd, Myungho-yah,” Soonyoung says, hoisting the bag up to get a better grip. He’s getting his workout on this walk home for sure. “Can’t a guy buy some soil? I’m trying to rescue a plant here.”
“And that’s very admirable,” Minghao says. “Just usually, you don’t do things like buy fancy soil for the man you’re hooking up with. Just like, as a general rule.”
Ah. Soonyoung guesses you don’t. Junhui isn’t technically the guy he’s sleeping with, though. And also technically, Minghao doesn’t actually know that. So he shrugs.
“Save the planet and all that,” he says vaguely. “Besides, I spend a lot of time looking at that plant when we’re—together. So like, it’s starting to bother me. Imagine getting railed and looking at a dying plant?’
“Can you not say ‘getting railed’ in broad daylight?”
“Fornicating,” Soonyoung tries instead, but Minghao looks even more displeased. “And you just said it, too.”
Minghao rolls his eyes, suppressing a chuckle. “Whatever.” He’s silent for a second, just eyeing Soonyoung carefully. Soonyoung pretends he can’t see him and tries to hide behind the comically large bag of soil. “Seungkwanie said you were texting him the other day, too. You don’t like— like Jun, do you?”
“What?” Soonyoung cranes his neck to look at Minghao. His friend’s gaze is soft, not judging, but inquisitive, curious. Soonyoung scoffs. “Of course, I don’t. I am not stupid. Falling for your fuck buddy is like—the worst cliche in the book. Don’t insult me, Myungho-yah.”
“There are worse cliches,” Minghao says, grinning a little. “You could fall in love with like, Wonwoo.”
Soonyoung cringes. “I would’ve rather still been stuck in bed with the shrimp chips than fall in love with Wonwoo. He thinks the epitome of romance is updating your FaceBook status to ‘in a relationship.’”
“He still uses FaceBook,” Minghao points out. “That’s a red flag in itself.”
Soonyoung laughs then, throwing his head back with it and also dropping the bag of soil in the process. Minghao helps him regain his grip and then shoves his hands into his pockets before he speaks again.
“I just wanted to make sure you’re being—careful,” he says slowly. “You seem better these days. I like seeing you happy, don’t get me wrong. Just wanna make sure you’re making choices that keep you happy.”
Soonyoung falters for a minute; he hadn’t expected that. He also hadn’t noticed that he had been happier and that it like, maybe, sort of showed.
“Myungho-yah,” he decides to tease because he’s not sure how else to respond to that and Minghao seems so genuine, and it makes Soonyoung feel all weird about it. “I am happy. I’m good, seriously. Don’t worry about hyung.”
“If you say so.” Minghao smiles at him, close-lipped but still warm. He nudges Soonyoung’s shoulder and holds out his arms. “Now let me help you with the fancy soil before you break your back or something.”
Soonyoung chuckles, however letting him take some of the weight, huffing out a breath. He hopes Tiffany the Hoya Kerrii appreciates the soil, but deep down he knows that’s not really who he’s buying it for.
* * *
Junhui gave Soonyoung the door code last week.
Junhui still buzzes him into the main door, and Soonyoung will always, always text him beforehand to confirm their plans eight times over, but now, he comes and goes as he pleases, really, and despite how Wonwoo teases him for it, he thinks there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. His friends have the code to his place, so what’s the difference if Junhui gave him the code to his? They are friends after all. It’s not—like a thing.
Maybe he’s just still thinking about what Minghao had said to him the other day. How he had asked if he liked him. Liked Junhui.
“Oh," a voice breaks into Soonyoung's train of thought, "hey.”
Soonyoung is at Junhui’s door, balancing the bag of soil in one hand as his fingertips graze the edge of the keypad ready to punch in the door combination, thoughts still racing through his head, when he sees her again. Miyeon.
“You’re Jun’s… friend. Right?”
“Ah,” Soonyoung looks up, only momentarily thrown off by the new presence in the hall, but smiles nonetheless because he is polite and personable. “Yeah, Soonyoung. It’s Miyeon, isn’t it?”
She nods, primly, looks him up and down for a second and Soonyoung feels weirdly vulnerable. She’s got to be barely 5’5” and Soonyoung is kinda terrified of her.
“I think their bell is broken,” she’s saying now, “so you probably need to text Jun if you need him to let you inside.”
“Oh, thanks,” Soonyoung says, giving her a terse smile. What’s her deal? “Junie gave me the passcode, though. So I’m good.”
“Oh.” Miyeon looks—off-kilter. Soonyoung is not a mean person, so he doesn’t laugh, but he sort of wants to. Like, in a tiny, evil way. He doesn’t get the chance, though, because she’s speaking again, “Well have a good day, Sunghoon-ssi.”
“It’s Soonyoung,” he corrects her, finally typing in the door code. He smiles again. “But thanks. I’m sure I’ll see you around.”
He slips in before she can call him the wrong name again or maybe put a hex on him and his entire bloodline, and he lets out a sigh, leaning up against the door as he closes it, still cradling the gigantic bag of soil.
“You good?”
Joshua and Jeonghan are sitting on the couch, and Joshua is tilting his head, eyebrow raised, laughing a little at Soonyoung’s dramatic entrance. He straightens up and smiles at them, because although he knows them now, he still feels sort of silly, especially so with the bag of soil he’s carrying.
“Oh, yeah. Hi, hyungs,” he greets them, politely edging into the room, holding the bag as inconspicuously as he can. “I just ran into your neighbor in the hallway. Miyeon? I’m not sure she likes me too much.”
“She doesn’t like Shua either,” Jeonghan tells him with a shrug. Joshua rolls his eyes.
“Don’t take it personally. She likes Junie, like—down horrendously bad for him so that’s probably a whole… thing.” A thing. What the hell does Joshua mean by that? He doesn’t get to ask, though, Joshua instead speaking again as he glances at the bag Soonyoung is holding and laughs. “Jeonghan-ah, Soonyoungie brought you dinner. You love dirt, babe.”
“Fuck you,” Jeonghan mumbles, reaching over to pinch at Joshua’s bicep, and he does not flinch, instead just smoothly taking Jeonghan’s hand in his own, holding it in his lap; Jeonghan lets him and it makes Soonyoung feel like he’s intruding for a moment.
“Jun-ah,” Jeonghan calls throughout the apartment, and then Junhui emerges from the hall, smile bright and looking cozy, drowned in a sweatshirt at least three sizes too big and a head full of messy hair. Soonyoung has the urge to call him cute, but he doesn’t, because that’d be weird and they’re just friends.
“What’s up?”
“Absolutely nothing. I come bearing gifts, though,” Soonyoung says, hoisting the bag of soil up. He glances at Jeonghan. “Sorry, hyung, not really for you.”
“A goddamn bummer,” Jeonghan huffs, lifting himself from the couch and dragging Joshua with him, hands still intertwined. “Moon Jun, I want him out. He comes here claiming to have dirt, for me, and then he—”
Junhui laughs at this, loud and unabashed and Soonyoung really wants to call him cute now, but then he notices the way Joshua is eyeing him as Jeonghan drags him towards the door, the way he gives him a knowing look, and he clears the idea from his head all together. He does not think Junhui is cute. He thinks Junhui is his friend. He’s his friend. He’s—
“Well, have fun,” Joshua says as he gives Junhui a gentle pat on his head. “We’re leaving. Big dinner plans. Huge.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Junhui says, waving a hand. “Can you guys bring me back some dessert?”
“Absolutely not,” Jeonghan says, until he’s halfway out the door, calling over his shoulder, “Text me what you want!”
And then they’re alone.
“So,” Junhui says, batting his eyelashes in a stupidly annoying way, “my dirt.”
“It’s Tiffany’s dirt,” Soonyoung corrects him, just to be a pain in the ass. “Go get her. I’m trying to play surgeon here.”
“Sir, yes, sir.”
Soonyoung giggles a little, letting Junhui slip out of the room down the hall to retrieve the little, struggling plant. Soonyoung sets his monstrous bag of dirt down at the counter in the kitchen, feeling mildly bad for ruining Joshua’s pristine counter space, but whatever. This is life or death.
“Alright, doc,” Junhui says, leaning onto the counter Soonyoung is at, carefully placing the pot in front of him. “Walk me through it.”
“Soil transplant is a dangerous procedure, Jun-ah,” Soonyoung says, clapping his hands together and putting on his best serious face. He opens up the bag of soil and peeks in. “She might not make it.”
Junhui snorts out a laugh. “She wasn’t gonna make it, anyway. I can’t believe you got me the fancy soil.”
“I didn’t get it for you, I got it for Tif,” Soonyoung reminds him, joking. He starts to scoop the plant out from the original pot to put her in a bowl, ready to swap out the dirt. “Don’t think I would do this for you, Moon Jun.”
“And here I thought you cared about me.”
“Ugh,” Soonyoung lets out an exaggerated sound, carefully dusting off the bottom of the Hoya Kerrii’s roots. “You poor baby.”
“That’s me.” Junhui grins like it was a compliment. “You know Jeonghanie hyung got me this?”
“Tiffany?” Soonyoung tilts his head as if they could possibly be talking about anything else. Junhui nods. “That was nice of him. Does Shua have one, too, or is it a special you thing?”
“Special me thing,” Junhui confirms, somewhat proudly. “Jeonghanie hyung only gifts Joshua weird-looking jewelry plates. And probably—his bodily fluids.”
“That’s disgusting, Jun-ssi.”
“Thank you.” Junhui bites back a laugh, reaching to feel at Tiffany’s leaves. “Anyway. It was my breakup gift. When I got dumped, he gave it to me. A new companion.”
“Ah,” Soonyoung nods. A touchy subject, but one they can handle nonetheless. “She is your emotional support plant, then.”
“You get it,” Junhui says. “And yet, I can’t even keep her alive. I’m losing it, Soonyoung.”
“Does the special soil mean nothing to you?” Soonyoung asks, scoffing. He starts to pack the soil into the old pot, spreading it around the bottom easily. “You know, when I was researching the plant, for like—the soil, I was reading a lot on them in general. They call Hoya Kerrii’s the lucky love plant. Because the leaves.”
“Oh, really?” Junhui smiles a little, looking at the plant like he’s only just noticed for the first time. Heart-shaped leaves. “That’s cute. Nature can be cute.”
“Right,” Soonyoung agrees. “I think that’s sweet he got it for you. New love, you know?”
“That’s a nice way to see it,” Junhui says, still fixed on the leaves. He smiles a little. “You’re pretty smart, Soonyoung-ah.”
“Don’t act so surprised, Jun-ah,” Soonyoung says, jokes, but he hopes the blush on his face isn’t too prominent, hopes Junhui doesn’t think too much about it.
“I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant—”
“I know, I’m kidding,” Soonyoung assures him, giving him a slight laugh. Then, just because it comes back to him, and Junhui is being somewhat vulnerable, it only feels right that he is, too. “You know sometimes my ex would—well, he wouldn’t call me stupid, but he—”
“But implies he meant something,” Junhui says. He looks a little mad about it, like he was personally offended by what Soonyoung once took as a lighthearted comment.
“Yeah.” Soonyoung sighs, just the smallest bit, adding Tiffany back to the new soil. “He’d say I was lucky I had a pretty face because there wasn’t much else going on up here. And then I’d laugh. But I don’t think I ever found it too funny.”
“I wouldn’t,” Junhui tells him. “I wouldn’t find that funny, I mean. I also don’t think I’d ever say that about you. You’re super smart, Soonyoung-ah.”
Soonyoung thinks he’s blushing again, and he’s not entirely sure why. This is Junhui. Junhui, who is his friend, but who still looks cute in his big sweatshirt, but his Junhui, nonetheless.
He pats the plant firmly, packing it in the soil, and gives Junhui a look. “Don’t flatter me, Moon Jun. I already gave you the fancy soil.”
“Not flattery if it’s true,” Junhui says, cheeky. “Besides, you said that part was for Tiffany, not me, anyway.”
“Fine,” Soonyoung says, and then because he’s feeling brave and maybe a little stupidly eager to return the compliment, he adds, “I think you look very cute tonight, Jun-ah.”
Junhui looks surprised for a second. His eyebrows raise a little and then he smiles, just the tiniest quirk to the corner of his lips and the smallest gleam in his wide eyes.
“Oh?”
Soonyoung shrugs. He will own up to it, thank you very much.
“Don’t look so surprised. You know you’re cute.”
Junhui shrugs back. “I guess,” he says. He grins a little wider. “I just was kinda surprised hearing it from you.”
“I have eyes,” Soonyoung says, casually. Then, before he can say anything else stupid, anything else to make Junhui look at him with those big brown eyes he’s giving him, he adds, “Anyway, don’t let it go to your head. You already get enough attention from your neighbor. Miyeon hates me, by the way.”
Junhui laughs at that, loud, throwing his head back, clapping a little like the idea of Miyeon having beef with Soonyoung is the funniest thing he’s heard all week.
“She’s just jealous,” Junhui says, sure of himself.
Soonyoung doesn’t ask what she needs to be jealous of.
* * *
“You’re never here anymore,” Wonwoo says, startling Soonyoung out of his reverie as he strolls into the kitchen, predictably, ready to head over to Junhui’s. Honestly, Soonyoung didn’t even know Wonwoo was in here—the lights are off over the table and he’s sitting on his phone, knees pulled up to his chest in complete silence. Not even the TV is on for background noise. The freak.
“I am here seven days a week,” Soonyoung tells him, abandoning the water bottle he was about to fill up to face Wonwoo. “I live here.”
“Not what I meant.” Wonwoo rolls his eyes, or at least Soonyoung thinks he does, but it’s nearing eight now and starting to get dark outside, which makes for very little natural light to illuminate the room. “You’re always at Jun’s.”
Soonyoung thinks his face turns a little pink. He’s suddenly grateful for the lack of lighting.
“Because he’s a good lay,” Soonyoung says easily. “Weren’t you guys the ones telling me to put myself out there? And now I have and here you are, depriving me of good dick—”
“Don’t be crass.”
“You started it.”
“It was a passing comment,” Wonwoo says through a scowl. “I just can’t believe you’re ditching me all the time to hang out with him instead. What happened to bros before hoes?”
Soonyoung smirks. “Jeon Wonwoo, are you jealous?”
“Obviously not. You are probably lazy in bed.”
“I didn’t mean jealous that I was having sex with someone, but you totally have no proof to back up that statement.” Wonwoo simply shrugs, so Soonyoung continues. “In any case, this is probably better than me dragging my feet and constantly smelling like peanut butter, no?”
His roommate hums. “Fair,” he finally says. Then, “I guess I just find it mostly strange that you’re always there. He never comes here. Are you ashamed of me, Soonyoung-ssi?”
Soonyoung flicks the light on then, mostly to annoy Wonwoo, who basically hisses at the brightness. Soonyoung stifles a laugh.
“Of course, I’m not, darling,” he says, emphasizing the pet name. Wonwoo rolls his eyes again. “I didn’t think you’d be particularly interested in hearing me get fucked. His roommates are never home.”
“Don’t make me sound like a freak,” Wonwoo says with a grimace. “Just saying—you live here, too. I know you’re still… not feeling your best after the breakup, so. Just putting it out there. You can be here whenever you want if you’d be more comfortable. I’m not home all the time.”
“Oh.” Soonyoung nods. That was surprisingly sweet. It’s sort of a shame Wonwoo can’t know the truth about him and Junhui; he thinks they’d get along well. One day maybe, Soonyoung supposes. “Well thank you for thinking about my comfort. It could be nice now and then to suck a dick in my own room, so we’ll see.”
“Oh, fuck off and get out,” Wonwoo huffs, turning back to his phone, slumping further into the kitchen chair. “Forget I even offered.”
“I love you, Jeon Wonwoo,” Soonyoung coos, going over to squish his face, which Wonwoo certainly does not appreciate. “The first time I bring Junie here I’ll make sure we are extra loud just for you.”
“Can you not be gross for like, four seconds?”
“Impossible.” Soonyoung walks back over to his discarded water bottle. “If I’m not, I will absolutely die.”
“Good,” Wonwoo says, no bite to his words at all. “Anyway, the offer’s there. Sort of. You may go.”
“So snippy you are today,” Soonyoung says, a laugh hidden somewhere in his voice. He takes a big sip of his water and shoves his phone in his pocket. “I’m leaving, though. Want anything while I’m out? Food? Drink? Noise-canceling headphones for when I eventually bring Jun over?”
“No, I think I’m good,” Wonwoo says. He adds, ever so casually, “But I will take some new friends if you’re offering. Maybe someone to move in as a roommate.”
Soonyoung laughs at that, head dipped back a little as he heads back over to Wonwoo to torture him some more. He pulls his sweatshirt hood over his head before Soonyoung can even make it.
“Sure thing,” Soonyoung says. Then because he wants to be annoying and keep appearances, “I’ll make sure he’s just as loud when he’s getting fucked.”
And Wonwoo groans.
* * *
They’re a month in when they hit their first bump in the road.
In a way, they should’ve expected this sooner. It’s honestly impressive that they made it this long without it happening, without—
“Soonyoung-ah?”
It’s Junhui; because the universe is a cruel, dark place, and he’s holding two empty glasses and wearing a surprised look on his face. There’s not that many bars in their area for people their age to hang out at, and let's not forget, a spot like this is where they met in the first place. But still, it sends Soonyoung into a spiral, all while Wonwoo and Chan stand next to him, blank looks on their faces. Last time Soonyoung ever volunteers to do refills.
“Oh! My god.” If Soonyoung sounds panicked, that’s because he is. “Hi, Jun.”
Soonyoung can hear Chan behind him delightedly whisper an ohhh, that’s Jun, to Wonwoo, and before it can escalate further, he grabs Junhui’s hand, turning to Wonwoo and Chan.
“Can you guys give us a sec?” he asks, and then without waiting for an answer, he shoves his and Seokmin’s beers into Chan’s hands and drags Junhui away, over to where there’s an empty table nearby, leaving Wonwoo and Chan to undoubtedly tell on him as soon as they get back to their friends.
“This is bad, probably,” Junhui concludes as Soonyoung lets go of him, the two of them frantically looking around as if to make sure neither of their friends are watching. They likely are, anyway.
“Probably,” Soonyoung agrees, letting out an excessive huff. “Who are you here with? Just Jeonghanie and Joshua hyung?”
“No,” Junhui says, and that’s just great. “My other hyung and then one more friend, but—well, they know the truth, too, so it's not that—”
“You can’t meet my friends,” Soonyoung says quickly, “they’ll eat you alive.”
“So then I’ll leave,” Junhui says easily, like that’ll solve it. Soonyoung hopes it does. “My friends won’t care if we go somewhere else.”
“We should’ve just ignored each other,” Soonyoung mumbles, shaking his head. “Why are you so friendly?’
“I walked right into you!” Junhui tries to defend himself. “Your friends know what I look like, it would’ve been weirder to pretend like I didn’t see you. I don’t want anyone thinking I’m a dick.”
“Fine,” Soonyoung allows, anxiously bringing his hand to his mouth, biting at his nails there. “Would it kill you to be a little less of a saint, though? Just like, in the future?”
“Clearly, yes, it would.”
“Don’t piss me off, Moon Jun.” Soonyoung glares at him and Junhui rolls his eyes. “What now?”
“What do you mean, what now?” Junhui frowns back. “You go back to your friends and I go back to mine, I’ll leave, and we can just see each other tomorrow and—”
“Soonyoungie hyung!”
“Oh, god,” Soonyoung mumbles, already dreading turning around, already recognizing the fear in Junhui’s eyes as he looks over his shoulder, where Soonyoung knows he already is.
Seungkwan is standing there when Soonyoung finally musters enough courage to face his demons, only this time his demons look a lot like his entire friend group, each of them wearing an unrecognizable expression, safe for Seungkwan, who looks elated.
“What’s up, Kwan-ah?” Soonyoung says, acting as casual as he can, sidestepping a little to try and block Junhui from his friends' line of sight. It doesn’t work, obviously, especially because they already saw him, but Soonyoung thinks the sentiment is needed, anyway.
“Nothing.” Seungkwan looks evil. “What’s up with you?”
“Nothing,” Soonyoung echoes, shrugging. “I was just… heading back over to you guys.”
“And your friend?” Minghao asks, eyebrows raised, head tilted, and god dammit, Hao.
“Oh, right,” Soonyoung laughs a little, stepping to the side to reveal Junhui, as if he hadn’t been there the whole time, anxiously sipping at his drink. “This is Jun. We were just—chatting quick.”
“Yeah,” Junhui joins in, giving them a nervous smile. “Nice to meet you guys, but I should be—”
“Jun,” Seokmin repeats, rocking on his heels. “As in the—”
“Junie!” Oh, and that's Jeonghan. It just keeps getting worse. “Jun-ah, you didn’t tell me you had so many friends. If I knew, I would’ve stopped inviting you to places ages ago.”
“That’s hilarious, hyung, really,” Junhui says through gritted teeth that he makes out as a smile.
“Oh, hey,” Jeonghan is saying now, looking at Soonyoung with all the evil in his eyes that Soonyoung knows he is capable of possessing, “it’s you.”
“It’s me,” Soonyoung says, and he has never wanted to disappear into a hypothetical hole in the floor more than right now at this moment, because everyone is looking at him, including Junhui—the fucking traitor, and he just wishes everyone wasn’t so nosy. Or maybe that he never agreed to any of this in the first place because now it feels like it’s all going to blow up in his face. “Uh. Hi?”
“Hi.” Jeonghan blinks at them before turning to his friends, lips twitching into an evil grin. “Are these your friends?”
“Uh,” Wonwoo’s eyebrows knit together, confused as he answers for the group, “yeah?”
“Cool. Soonyoungie is nice,” Jeonghan says, which is—unexpected, and then before Seungkwan can answer like Soonyoung knows he’s going to, he continues, “But he needs to stop coming over so frequently because I want my apartment back without being sexiled. And between us, I think they both have a sadistic streak.”
“Hyung!” Junhui flounders, face turning bright red, “You can’t just—”
“Soonyoungie hyung has a what—”
“Nothing!” Soonyoung quickly throws his hands over Chan’s ears, hoping his face isn’t as blushed as Junhui’s is. “I don’t even—we’re—”
Jeonghan looks pleased apparently, making everyone vaguely uncomfortable was his goal here.
“Well, Jun-ah, Seungcheolie wanted to shots with you. You should come back before he forces Jihoon into it instead. You know he can’t handle his liquor like you.”
“Right,” Junhui says, letting Jeonghan corral him away from where Soonyoung is still half-blocking him, dragging him into his vicinity instead. “I should probably go.”
“Same,” Soonyoung says, hastily. “You have your—shots, anyway.”
“Yes.” Junhui swallows harshly. “My shots.”
“His shots,” Jeonghan reinforces, before smiling at all Soonyoung’s friends, polite. “So lovely meeting all of you!”
“You—too?” Seokmin says, albeit confused, and then Jeonghan is dragging Junhui across the room to another group of guys, shots indeed already on their little table.
Soonyoung is still watching Junhui as hastily takes one, a little bit of the liquid slipping out of the corner of his mouth, dripping down to his chin, his jaw, and—
“Soonyoung-ssi,” Seungkwan is saying now, slowly, stupidly, and oh, Soonyoung hates him so much. “Who knew you had it in you?”
“Don’t fucking start,” Soonyoung says, dragging his feet back over to his friends’ original table, praying to god that Junhui and his friends leave once they take their shots. “I need another drink.”
“So do I,” Wonwoo agrees. “I could’ve gone my whole life without knowing Soonyoung was freaky like that.”
“Hyung,” Chan groans, “don’t phrase it like that, please.”
“At least Jun seemed kind,” Seokmin says, cheering, letting Minghao manhandle him in the direction of their table. “I like him.”
“Me, too,” Seungkwan says. “He’s cuter up close.”
“Yeah, he’s super hot, I like h—” Soonyoung stops himself. He likes what? Not Junhui, that’s for sure. That would be—a problem, probably. “I mean. He’s nice.”
“Nice,” Minghao repeats, quietly, like it's a secret, eyebrows raised. “Sure, hyung.”
Soonyoung is too exhausted to try and figure out what he means by that. He needs a drink.
* * *
Tiffany looks significantly better the next time Soonyoung sees her.
“It’s your fancy soil,” Junhui explains, legs folded underneath him as he sits on his bed, idly scrolling his phone, searching the menu of tonight’s takeout place. “And I started watering it less, which I think helps a lot, too.”
“I’m so proud of her,” Soonyoung says from the armchair he’s sat on, patting one of her leaves before he sets her on the table next to him, right next to a framed photo of Junhui and Joshua, seemingly from Halloween if judging by their ridiculous costumes are anything to go by. “A real miracle worker, you are, Moon Junie.”
“I’m trying,” Junhui says. He tosses his phone to the side. “Speaking of which, did your friends suspect anything about us from the other night?”
Soonyoung rolls his eyes, shuffling over to Junhui’s bed because it’s marginally more comfortable than the armchair. He flops down at the bottom of it, right onto his stomach.
“You mean when we nearly blew our entire cover?”
“I told you, it would have been rude—“
“Yeah, yeah, I heard you.” Soonyoung clicks his tongue. “I forgot you were the face of manners.”
“Dick,” Junhui swears at him, snickering. “Jeonghanie hyung kinda saved our asses, though. Like, not in the best way, but he did.”
“True,” Soonyoung allows. “My friends think I’m into like, BDSM now, but, sure. I guess it’s better than knowing the truth.”
“That you’re pretending to sleep with a starving actor who can’t keep a plant alive and lives with his two hyungs because he just got dumped?”
“I was going to say bitch-less and sad, but I guess yours works, too,” Soonyoung says, pensive. He turns onto his side and props his head up into his hand, looking at Junhui better. “You are absolutely not starving, by the way. I have seen your pantry.”
“Figurative term,” Junhui says, then shrugs. “I’ve been meaning to ask, by the way—“
“If this is about if I’m a top or a bottom, I told you—“
“It’s not!” Junhui holds his hands up like he’s innocent. “I only asked you that once, as a joke, and because I thought we were friends. Are we not friends, Soonyoung-ah? Don’t break my heart like that.”
“Even friends have boundaries, Moon Jun.”
“You’re boring.”
Soonyoung hums, unconvinced, but admittedly amused. “What’s your real question?”
“Ah,” Junhui says, as if he forgot he was the one who prompted it in the first place, “right. How long do you think we need to keep this up for?”
Oh. Soonyoung wasn’t expecting that.
“I don’t know,” he says because he doesn’t. He swallows around nothing, throat suddenly uncomfortably dry. “I haven’t thought about it.”
And it’s true; he hadn’t. What’s the protocol for sleeping with someone to get over your ex, anyway? Are you supposed to keep fuck buddies around long-term? Probably not, but Soonyoung doesn’t have much experience in all that, and the only time any of his friends ever came close to sleeping around with someone regularly was Minghao and Seokmin, but that ended way differently than Junhui and Soonyoung are supposed to.
“It’s been two months,” Junhui points out. “I mean, it’s not like I’m putting a timestamp on… our—deal. But I just wanna make sure I’m not overstepping. If you did wanna put yourself out there. Or something.”
“Oh.” This time Soonyoung says it out loud. He shakes his head. “You’re not overstepping. I don’t think I want to—date people right now, anyway. Or sleep with them. Or even be around somebody that isn’t you or Wonu, if I can be honest.”
Junhui grins, a coy, little thing. “Soonyoungie, I’m flattered,” he says, gooey and stupid. “You left Tiffany out, though.”
“Tiff doesn’t count,” Soonyoung says. “When I stop fake-boning you, I sort of wanna take her with me.”
“You can’t do that to me. That’s my emotional support Hoya Kerrii.”
“You could always find another,” Soonyoung says, vaguely waving a hand. Then, more seriously, “You know you can tell me to fuck off whenever you want, though, right? Like, sure, maybe I’m not ready to date, but if you are—“
“Last week a man hit on me at work and I told him I was straight, Soonyoung.” Junhui looks ashamed to say it. “Straight! I don’t think I am ready to date in the slightest.”
Soonyoung laughs at that, like seriously full belly laughs, keels over a little and everything.
“God, Jun-ah, you might be worse than me,” Soonyoung says, joking, coming down from his laughter. “I’ve never stooped low enough to tell someone I was straight.”
“Consider yourself lucky then.”
He flops onto his side, too, then, parallel to Soonyoung on his back. He turns his head to look at Soonyoung, expression suddenly earnest and it makes Soonyoung feel all—weird inside.
This happens more often than he’d like these days, Soonyoung thinks. It’s like, Junhui has always been kind and honest, but lately, it feels so raw, the way he looks at Soonyoung, too. Or maybe Soonyoung is projecting. What it is that he may be projecting, he doesn’t know.
“I just don’t want you to miss out on anything,” Junhui tells him, a small smile on his face like maybe he’s afraid to say it, or unsure if he can. “You know you don’t owe me anything.”
“Nobody owes anyone anything, really,” Soonyoung says. Junhui’s gaze is all over; goes between his eyes and then to the way he’s propped up on his arm and back to his eyes and then his lips—his lips? No, that can’t be right. They’re not like that. He rolls onto his back to avoid the heavy look Junhui is giving him, brown eyes round and pretty, like always. “But I like hanging out with you. Even if we are confined to your tiny apartment for three hours, I just like being around you, I think.”
“You think,” Junhui teases, reaching over to pinch Soonyoung’s side.
“I know,” Soonyoung corrects himself, catching Junhui’s hand with his own to stop him, just holding it for a second. Junhui lets him. He’s warm. “But until either of us gets swept off our feet and miraculously cured from our horrendous breakups, I’m okay with keeping up the silly charade. As long as you are, of course.”
“Of course,” Junhui says, and he’s using that stupid voice he does when he’s being silly, but Soonyoung thinks he knows him well enough now to know he means it.
He drops his hand, but Junhui doesn’t pull away entirely, still close enough that Soonyoung can feel his body heat radiating off him. It’s comforting, sort of weirdly grounds him, and Soonyoung honestly doesn’t know how he’s let himself feel this comfortable around Junhui, but when your first encounter is a blowjob gone wrong, he guesses you avoid all traditional pretenses.
“Hey,” Junhui is speaking again, nudging Soonyoung where their shoulders are touching. Soonyoung turns his head just a little. A silent go on, I’m listening. “I know I’ve said it before, but your ex was stupid to just dump you like he did. You’re a good guy.”
“Oh, well—” Soonyoung laughs, a little awkwardly or nervously. He shrugs, accidentally knocking into Junhui again. He does his best to pull it together. Why is he so nervous all of a sudden? “It’s whatever. He was always annoying. Sort of.”
“You don’t have to say he always was,” Junhui tells him with a laugh. “It’s okay to have good memories, too. But he still was an idiot for what he did to you.”
“Yeah,” Soonyoung says, quiet. He laughs a little. “You’re too nice to me, you know that?”
“Nice people deserve nice things,” Junhui says, like it's the easiest thing in the world. Too earnest, too sincere, too kind. “I’m just treating you how anyone should.”
Soonyoung still feels all warm when he says it, but this time it doesn’t feel like it’s just coming from Junhui’s inhumane body heat, but instead from inside, spreading from Soonyoung’s chest to his toes and then up to his ears, his fingertips, and then some.
He thinks he might understand what it means. He thinks he’s probably fucked.
* * *
Mingyu is trustworthy enough that Soonyoung finds himself making a beeline to his desk the next morning.
He’s sitting behind his computer, no doubt just online shopping considering it’s still before nine, but he looks marginally more awake than Soonyoung feels, large iced coffee placed neatly on the little flower-shaped coaster he keeps on his desk. He smiles when he sees Soonyoung, despite the way Soonyoung feels like his brain might literally be melting from his ears.
“Hey, hyung,” Mingyu greets him. “What’s up?”
“Oh, you know,” Soonyoung says vaguely. He looks around. “Hansolie in yet?”
Mingyu frowns, eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. “I don’t think so. Did you need him?”
“No,” Soonyoung says quickly. He pulls up Mingyu’s spare chair and takes a seat. Looks around one last time. The only other person he can see is Seokjin, the handsome guy in accounting who seems to be wrestling with the coffee machine in the breakroom. Perfect. “I have to tell you something. But you can’t tell anyone else.”
“Alright.” Mingyu frowns deeper. “Are you ok? You look weird. Did you sleep okay last night?”
He didn’t, thank you, Kim Mingyu for noticing. Soonyoung spent at least three hours tossing and turning, thinking about Junhui, and whatever any of that might mean because he hasn’t thought about Junhui for any time longer than maybe two minutes max when they’re not together. So that was great.
“Yes. No. Maybe,” Soonyoung answers all at once. “I didn’t really sleep.”
“Alright, well, hey,” Mingyu says gently, “we can figure it out. What did you need to tell me?”
He turns around in his swivel chair, facing Soonyoung, eyebrows still pulled together, this time just more in concern than anything else. Soonyoung takes a deep breath, prepared to sound as insane as he knows the whole situation actually is.
“Ok.” He puffs out his cheeks. “You know the dude I was sleeping with?”
“The actor,” Mingyu provides, nodding excitedly. “What about him? Is it still good?”
Here goes nothing.
“We were never sleeping together,” Soonyoung says quickly, and when Mingyu’s expression shifts back to puzzled, he continues. “We were pretending to, so that way my friends would leave me alone and I could vent to somebody that wasn’t going to just—tell me to get my dick wet. And then I’d help him run lines, but well, it turned out sort of more than that—that part isn’t all that important, but. Hey. Is this making sense?”
Mingyu blinks at him. He does not look like it’s making sense.
“I don’t… understand,” he says. He sits up straighter. “You didn’t sleep together?”
“No.” Soonyoung shakes his head. “Not even once. We almost did but then I practically cried when he went to suck my dick and we got milkshakes instead.”
Mingyu blinks again. He nods, slowly, humming like he’s trying to process all of it. Spins in his chair again. It is quiet for way too fucking long and Soonyoung is starting to freak out.
“Can you say something?” Soonyoung demands. He’s getting panicky.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Mingyu apologizes, holding his hands up like he comes in peace. ”I just—don’t get it. Hyung, why would you lie? Why would you lie about that?”
“Because I thought it would make my life easier if I could get my friends off my back and heal at my own pace!”
“So you went to find a dude to pretend to bone?” Mingyu looks at him like he’s disappointed. “I have a number for a good therapist I could’ve given you, you know.”
“Too late for that now.” Soonyoung frowns. “Because it gets worse.”
“Worse than pretending to sleep with a stranger? I’m scared to ask how.”
“I think I—” Soonyoung pauses. Like he’s terrified to even speak the words out loud because then that would mean it makes them true, and then it’s a whole thing. He swallows. “I think I might. Like him.”
“Like him like—?”
“Like I like him,” Soonyoung clarifies, or at least tries to. “He’s so nice to me, Mingyu-yah. And he’s funny, and so nice to his friends, and we have so much in common, and stray cats follow him home after work, and he’s—”
“Hyung!”
“What?”
Soonyoung is definitely panicking now. It’s like he’s opened a horrible floodgate and now he can’t stop.
“You’re seriously—I mean,” Mingyu huffs, and then lowers his voice like Seokjin from accounting has been eavesdropping the whole time, “do you genuinely like him? And I mean seriously. Because it’s easy to fall for the first guy who’s nice to you after your ex ended up being an ass, no offense. You guys have been spending a lot of time together.”
“Sure, I guess,” Soonyoung says with a shrug. “But I don’t know. Sometimes I think he might like me, too. He looks at me like—well. I don’t know. It’s intense.”
“Intense.”
“Yes,” Soonyoung confirms. “It makes me feel all—weird inside.”
“Maybe you’re just horny,” Mingyu offers, very casually. “Do you want him to look at you like that?”
“I am not just horny,” Soonyoung argues, however, keeping his voice down because this probably is not workplace appropriate. “But I don’t know. It’s nice to be—wanted.”
“Right,” Mingyu agrees. “Anyone would say that.”
“I don’t know,” Soonyoung says, heaving out a sigh. “He’s more than a friend, that’s for sure. I look forward to when I can see him and I like when I do because I just feel—safe. Free. Oh my god, that sounded totally gay.”
“You are totally gay,” Mingyu reminds him, like he might’ve forgotten, and then his expression softens. “Maybe it’s just a different emotional connection. You met him at a low point. He’s a really sweet guy, I’m sure! But if he’s been able to help you out of this sort of, maybe that’s why you’re confused about your feelings. You’re taking the healing and confusing it with romance. Or something. I don’t know, I’m not the expert.”
Soonyoung hums, thinking about it. Mingyu isn’t the expert, but he is a rationalist and also fairly in touch with his emotions and the people around him. He’s good with advice, which is exactly why Soonyoung came to him right now, and also exactly why Soonyoung is sort of finding comfort in his words.
It is a different emotional connection with Junhui. That must be it.
“That makes sense,” Soonyoung says slowly.
“That’s not to diminish your feelings, by the way,” Mingyu adds quickly. “I’m just pointing out that there could be layers, and sometimes friends are more than friends, but less than—love. Different roles for different people, you know?”
“Different roles for different people,” Soonyoung repeats, mostly to himself, like it’s his new daily affirmation or something. Mingyu nods, offering a polite smile. A bit terse, but warm in that Mingyu-like way nonetheless. “Yeah, alright. Thanks, Mingyu-yah.”
Soonyoung stands, brushing his hands off the back of his slacks. Mingyu stands with him and looks suspiciously like he wants to give Soonyoung a hug.
“Of course,” he says. “I’m here if you ever wanna talk. And just—I mean, at the end of the day, you’re the only one who knows how you feel, you know? I’m just here to talk you out of doing something stupid, really.”
“Something stupid?” Soonyoung frowns.
“Yeah.” Mingyu giggles. “Like—go over later tonight and fuck him for real or something. Which you could always do to try and see how the feelings go afterward.”
“I was not going to—” Soonyoung stops himself, clicking his tongue. “Hey, just don’t mention this to Hansolie, alright? I don’t want my friends finding out, I don’t think my little heart could take it.”
“Your secret’s safe with me, hyung.”
Soonyoung will be fine, he thinks. Or at least that’s what Mingyu tells him as he holds him in a bone-crushing hug before he finally scoots out of his cubicle, off to his own.
He does as little thinking about Junhui as he can.
* * *
Junhui still likes mint chocolate chip, which Soonyoung pointedly declares as Junhui’s red flag. He’s unfortunately so compatible with Soonyoung that there isn’t much else to dislike—not like he wants to, but Soonyoung thinks everyone needs some quirk, so that’s why he thinks the ice cream flavor must be Junhui’s.
“So the mint chocolate chip is my only personality flaw?” Junhui looks smug when he says it, but he’s laughing around the straw of his milkshake in that little way he does when something is particularly amusing, but he doesn’t want anyone to think it is.
They’re at the diner again. Not the same one from the first night they met, but another, one closer to Junhui’s apartment, which they both decided they finally needed a break from, because Tiffany was doing beautifully, thank you very much, and Junhui had already run lines with his friend Seungcheol earlier that day, and then Jeonghan had made a beeline to where Joshua was in the shower when he got home, so Junhui suggested it was probably for the best anyway.
So now they’re here. Soonyoung hopes Seungkwan isn’t bored enough that he goes poking around on Find My Friends tonight.
“Yes,” Soonyoung says gravely. His vanilla shake is drastically more full than Junhui’s, minus the whipped cream which he cleared right off the bat. “I don’t know if it’s a direct problem with me, but I am aware that it’s a problem for the general public. And since I can’t find much else I dislike about you, I will put your fondness for mint choco at number one.”
Junhui makes a face, still sort of laughing. “Jihoonie hates mint chocolate. Now you sound like him.”
“Jihoon is a man of taste,” Soonyoung says.
He only knows Jihoon through various stories that Junhui tells him and over a safe distance at the bar the other night when he spied on Junhui once he returned to his friends. He seems like Junhui’s Wonwoo. Sometimes Soonyoung wonders if he’d ever get to meet Junhui’s friends, but then he remembers there isn’t really a reason as to why he should, so he drops it.
“To you, sure,” Junhui says passively. “But can we also backtrack a little? You just told me I was perfect.”
“I don’t recall doing that in the slightest,” Soonyoung says, though he guesses it was implied. He takes a sip of his shake. “Especially not since you have that in front of you.”
“It’s just like blended toothpaste. I’m minty fresh over here, baby,” Junhui jokes, giving Soonyoung a big, cheesy smile. “Whenever you think we’ve made it far enough along this date that you wanna stick your tongue in my mouth, just let me know. I will taste squeaky clean.”
Soonyoung feels his palms get a little sweaty, quickly retracting them from where they’re wrapped around his glass, and wipes them on his jeans instead. He clears his throat.
“Tasting clean doesn’t sound too appealing,” Soonyoung decides to joke back. “And also, I didn’t know this was a date.”
“It is if you’re gonna put your tongue in my mouth,” Junhui says, shrugging. Soonyoung has to look around to make sure no one else is listening or at least close enough to overhear them, but it is ten p.m. on a Thursday, so they’re in the clear. “I don’t get that frisky with strangers.”
Soonyoung laughs, loud, and Junhui can’t help but finally laugh back.
“Frisky is an awful word,” he says. “Also—you’re absolutely lying. Might I remind you how we met?”
Junhui shrugs. “I was going through a breakup. We all do stupid things when we're vaguely spiraling.”
“True,” Soonyoung agrees. “I guess that’s how I ended up here.”
It’s meant to be a joke, and so Junhui takes it as one, laughing out loud again. His laugh is so cute. Soonyoung thinks he has to smile every time he hears it. Whatever that means.
“Exactly.” Junhui takes another loud slurp of his milkshake. “Good thing you did, though. Without you, Tiffany would have most definitely shriveled up and died.”
“Plant whisperer.” Soonyoung winks at him. “Show me new pictures.”
Junhui rolls his eyes, however reaching for his phone, silly cat lock screen staring back at him. Soonyoung watches him navigate through his apps, opening up his photos and scrolling for a second. Soonyoung has the passing thought that Junhui has nice hands.
“In all her beautiful glory,” Junhui says once he turns his phone around. She doesn’t look that much different than when Soonyoung last saw her, but he’s still endeared that Junhui takes recent pictures. Their joint baby. Sort of. “Her heart leaves!”
Soonyoung takes his hand as he moves the phone closer, leaning across the table a little to get a better look. Junhui’s hand is soft and warm under his, and Soonyoung can’t help but contemplate why he’s noticing, or why it’s sort of making his heart skip a beat. He thinks about his conversation with Mingyu and then looks up to see Junhui already focused on him and decides to think about nothing else at all.
“She’s thriving, Moon Jun,” Soonyoung says, however still not leaning away, or removing his hand, but Junhui doesn’t go to reach away either, so it’s like, probably not a big deal. “Just gorgeous.”
“Yeah,” Junhui agrees, and he’s doing that thing again—focused so hard on each of Soonyoung’s features, and Soonyoung hopes he’s not turning a shade of pink like it feels he is. “Gorgeous.”
The air feels dense. Thick with something; tension, unspoken words, the overwhelming urge to just lean over a little more and kiss the shit out of—
No.
He thinks about Mingyu’s words, thinks about Junhui, and removes his hand, leaning back. Soonyoung clears his throat, giving him a small smile.
“We should have a birthday party for her,” Soonyoung decides to say because if he doesn’t, he might say something stupid, like how pretty Junhui’s eyes are right now. “Maybe at six months.”
Junhui laughs, leaning back into his seat and locking his phone, securing it on the other side of the table.
“I’ve never thrown a birthday party for a plant before.”
“Me neither,” Soonyoung says. “But you’d look cute in a party hat and Tiff deserves it, so.”
“Well since you have non-selfish motivations,” Junhui says, sarcastic, so Soonyoung squints at him, fighting back a laugh. He slurps up the rest of his milkshake and Soonyoung doesn’t even care about the noise of the straw now. “Alright, finish up, Soonyoung-ah. There’s a family of cats by the river that I passed the other day and they’re dying to meet you.”
Soonyoung laughs, taking a sip so big of his milkshake that it nearly gives him a brain freeze. He shakes his head like that’s going to stop it.
“Milkshakes and a walk by the river?” Soonyoung tilts his head. “You really are trying to romance me, huh?”
“I told you,” Junhui says, shrugging a little, “everyone deserves a little romance every once in a while.”
“I thought we were just sleeping together,” Soonyoung quips and Junhui gives him another shrug and a grin.
“Ah, lines blur, Soonyoung-ah,” Junhui says, throwing a hand at him. It’s another joke, Soonyoung is sure of it, but it still makes him feel sort of weird inside. “You can’t control your feelings.”
Soonyoung laughs, but it doesn’t do anything to squash the nervous feeling in his gut. He thinks about Mingyu’s words one last time.
You really can’t control your feelings. That seems to be the problem, doesn’t it?
* * *
“Uh, Soonyoung-ah?”
Wonwoo’s voice carries over the sound of where Soonyoung is enjoying the latest episode of King the Land, nervous tilt to it and also a little bit of amusement. Soonyoung huffs, pausing the TV, but not getting up yet. Wonwoo should know better than to interrupt him and Lee Junho.
“What?” Soonyoung calls over his shoulder. It’s quiet for a second, safe for some mumbling out in the hallway. Maybe Chan’s here to clean out their kitchen cabinets again. Or Seungkwan showed up with another Hansol-related crisis that he desperately needs Soonyoung to solve. “I told you when I’m watching my—”
“Surprise!”
It’s Junhui. Wen fucking Junhui, standing in his apartment, adorned in a typical oversized hoodie and a smile so bright it sort of makes Soonyoung’s head spin. He’s still stupidly cute, which is definitely a Soonyoung problem at this point.
“Jun-ah,” Soonyoung says and tosses the remote behind him as he gets up from the couch, eye level with his new visitor. Wonwoo is standing behind Junhui, peering over his shoulder at Soonyoung with some sort of knowing look in his eye that Soonyoung hates. “What are you doing here?”
He doesn’t mean to be blunt, but well, if the boot fits and then you wear it all the way to show up at Soonyoung’s unannounced, then whatever. Junhui doesn’t seem phased, though.
“I know I’m a surprise, so I’m sorry about that,” Junhui says apologetically. He holds up a box. “I brought pastries from work.”
Wonwoo reaches over his shoulder and takes it, gently, then shrugs as he peeks into the box.
“Jun-ssi, you can come as frequently as you’d like,” he says, eyes still on the box of goodies. He points to something in particular that Soonyoung can’t really see. “Are these chocolate-filled?”
“Yeah,” Junhui confirms. “The others are cream.”
Wonwoo grins. “Well,” he says, “I’m off to Seokminie and Myungho’s then. Don’t have sex in any public places.”
“We weren’t gonna—“ Soonyoung stops himself, releasing the tense expression from his face. He rolls his eyes at Wonwoo, before sneaking past Junhui and taking his hand while he does. “My room,” he mumbles, dragging Junhui down the hall, away from where Wonwoo is quickly gathering his things, all while stuffing a piece of bread into his mouth.
“Look, I really am sorry for showing up like this,” Junhui says again once they’re safely in Soonyoung’s room, the door clicked shut behind them. Junhui looks around for a moment, and Soonyoung suddenly feels vulnerable. He's never had Junhui in here before. It feels oddly intimate. “Cute place.”
“Thank you,” Soonyoung says primly. He crosses his arms as he heads over to his bed, taking a seat on the end of it. “Now why are you here? No offense, but we’re lucky Wonu wants to leave, because otherwise—“
“I got the part,” Junhui says at once, smiling as big as he was when he was in his living room, standing before Soonyoung as he nearly bounces on the balls of his feet.
“The part for the show?” Soonyoung’s eyebrows shoot up. “The moody boyfriend?”
“The moody boyfriend!” Junhui nods vigorously. “They called me before when I was at work, and there’s gonna be a whole—contract thing and stuff, but Soonyoung, I got it.”
“Holy shit!” Soonyoung cheers, standing up and throwing his arms around Junhui, squishing his body in a hug. “That’s amazing, I’m so happy for you, Jun-ah.”
“Thanks,” Junhui beams. “I would’ve called before I came here really, but I just had so much adrenaline after I had hung up with them and I just—I don’t know. I needed to see you. I wanted to tell you—first.”
Soonyoung feels his heart skip a beat, get all warm and tight, and a bunch of other stupid things he thought only happened in the movies and those romance novels Minghao is always reading. He swallows.
“You didn’t—“ he stops. “What about your hyungs?”
“Oh.” Junhui gives him a sheepish smile. “Yeah, I mean, obviously I’ll tell them. Jeonghanie hyung will probably want everyone to go out or something, but I just—I came here. You helped me most with my lines, after all. It’s kinda like we got the part.”
Soonyoung reaches out to nudge him, a hand to a solid shoulder. Junhui is so warm. So inviting. He’s looking at him again, hard, like Soonyoung has noticed Junhui tends to do; his eyes to his lips and back to his eyes and then his lips and—
“Don’t sell yourself short, Moon Jun,” Soonyoung says with a tiny bit of laughter, squashing the butterflies that can’t stop fucking fluttering in his stomach. He’s hot all over now, from his ears to his cheeks to the very pit of his stomach. Junhui came here first, to tell him. “Thanks for telling me first. I guess I should feel special.”
“I don’t want that to inflate your ego too much, but yeah, I guess you should,” Junhui says, still keeping his tone light, but a bit reserved somehow. Soonyoung can tell he’s not saying something. Not doing something. His hands are balled up in the material of his hoodie. “You're sort of—an important character in my life now, so.”
Soonyoung laughs a little. They’re still standing, just face to face right in the middle of Soonyoung’s room, but Soonyoung is sort of scared to move back to sit, like any sudden movement might scare Junhui off or something.
“A character,” Soonyoung repeats, amused. “Main or supporting?”
“Main, obviously.”
“Obviously.” He laughs again. “What’s my role? I mean, besides being the first person you tell right before your big break and being the brains behind it. Any other notes for me?”
Junhui hums, like he’s thinking. “The audience probably is really into you. You’re funny and hot and charming when you wanna be, so your scenes are always crowd pleasers.”
Soonyoung raises a brow, quirking his head. “Hot?”
“Is that the only part you heard?”
“No,” Soonyoung says, and his voice is a little softer now, tone matching Junhui’s, too. “I think you said I was charming and funny, too.”
“I might’ve.” Junhui shrugs. “Is that—I mean. Did you have anything you wanted to add?”
“No,” Soonyoung says again. He can hear his heartbeat all the way up to his ears, pounding like a jackhammer.
And he knows he shouldn’t, knows this might only make things worse, but he also knows that his fingers are twitching now, dying to reach out, to have Junhui under them. Because Junhui is gorgeous and here, here only for Soonyoung, to share his special news because isn’t that silly—that something good happened to him and his first idea was to go to Soonyoung?
“But I wanna—“ Soonyoung is still speaking, even if his voice sounds foreign to him. He pauses.
“You wanna what?” Junhui squints. Licks his bottom lip. His gaze shifts; eyes to lips, eyes to lips, eyes to—
Soonyoung’s mouth on Junhui’s, clumsy, but wanting. Wanting to take, wanting to give, to feel, to taste, to have whatever Junhui will let him.
It takes but a second to slip into it; Junhui, for all his flirting and constant innuendos, seems taken aback by it, if only for a second, before his hands are reaching for Soonyoung, gentle where they rest on his shoulders, thumbs digging into the bones there.
Soonyoung opts for Junhui’s waist, tiny under the heavy material of his sweatshirt, but all Soonyoung gets is a fistful of cotton. It’s fine, they’ll get there if they should.
“Are you—“ Soonyoung breaks for air, “are you ok? Is this—“
“Yes,” Junhui answers, voice sounding strained, and then Soonyoung’s nodding and connecting their lips again, this time tugging at Junhui’s bottom lip with his teeth and reveling in the tiny moan it draws from him. Soonyoung wants to hear it again, louder.
He breaks them apart again to maneuver Junhui to his bed, giving a gentle shove until Junhui’s back is flat against it, Soonyoung wasting no time to invade his space again, thighs bracketing hips, lips once again on lips.
Junhui’s hands are hot, and Soonyoung’s hands are everywhere; they cup his jaw carefully as he kisses down Junhui’s neck, smooth down the front of his torso as he slips his tongue into Junhui’s mouth, and then they’re at the waistband of his jeans, fingers dancing at the skin above there when Junhui squirms, another noise coming out that goes straight to Soonyoung’s ego and coincidentally, his cock.
“You’re really okay with this, too, right?” Junhui asks, struggles to honestly, as Soonyoung keeps kissing him, the rhythm turning sloppier as they go on, more tongue and teeth, more desperate, more wanting, taking, giving.
“I’m okay,” Soonyoung assures him, sitting up, breathless as he looks down at Junhui. His lips are swollen, so fucking pink and so pretty, just like the rest of him, big, brown eyes blown with desire, making Soonyoung feel it to his core. It's like he's finally giving in to that want that's been there since the start, and now it's all-consuming, and Soonyoung can't stop, doesn't want to. “We can stop if you want, but I want—“
“I want you,” Junhui says easily, giving him a shake of his head, dark hair flopping around him as he’s still laid onto Soonyoung’s comforter.
“Ok,” Soonyoung says, just as easily, laughing, because this cannot be happening, but like, weirder things have, he guesses. “Have me.”
He peels his top off then, tossing it somewhere to be dealt with later, all while soaking in the way Junhui’s eyes roam his body, toned abdomen, and smooth skin on display.
“Holy shit, you’re ripped,” Junhui mumbles, one of his hands very politely coming up to graze Soonyoung’s side, his thumb just barely dragging across the muscle there as he moves down to settle at his hip. His touch is electric; gives Soonyoung's entire body a slight chill, goosebumps racing up his skin. “God.”
“Hey, thanks,” Soonyoung says, a little stupidly, but mostly proud, wiggling off Junhui to roll onto his side. “Now could you—“
Junhui gets what he means before he even finishes his sentence, sitting up and removing his sweatshirt with one swift movement, followed by the tee shirt underneath, and then he must be more wound up than Soonyoung because he starts to undo his jeans, too, only getting to the button and fly before he seems to realize Soonyoung is there, and crowds over him instead.
Junhui’s over him this time, arms bracketing the side of his head as he holds him a searing kiss, the two of them becoming restless and impatient, something Soonyoung is sure is a poor trait they both share.
Junhui is just as enthusiastic a kisser as he was the first time they kissed all those months ago, only now, it's softer, has something more careful to it that makes Soonyoung's head spin. Soonyoung must just be more pent up than he thought; that would explain the sudden desperation, the way he keeps chasing Junhui for more.
“Jun-ah,” Soonyoung whines when Junhui sucks into the skin at his collarbone, hard enough that Soonyoung thinks it will probably leave a mark tomorrow, one that he sort of excites him when he thinks about it. He shifts his hips to angle them with Junhui’s, the both of them groaning when they brush against each other, obviously hard where they’re still trapped in their pants. “Jun-ah, fuck. Let me—I wanna blow you.”
“Wasn’t that supposed to be my job?” Junhui asks, picking his head up from the side of Soonyoung’s neck, obviously referring to their near hook-up the first time they met. Soonyoung rolls his eyes, fond, still extremely turned on, and decides he wants to do the honors this time. “Do you not trust me, Soonyoung? I’m devastated.”
Soonyoung giggles a little, which feels both out of place at a time like this and also like the most normal thing in the world. Soonyoung never laughed when he slept with Soohyuk—it was never too light-hearted or playful, always too focused on just finishing, or going hard enough that Soonyoung couldn’t stand the next day, or about a million other things that Soonyoung had liked at the time, but now realizes are wildly overrated.
“You look like you use teeth,” Soonyoung lies just to hear Junhui’s laugh, shoving at his shoulders to push him back onto his back, releasing Soonyoung from underneath him.
It works—the laughing thing that is, because Junhui dips his head back then and his eyes turn into crescents, and Soonyoung feels his heart do something stupid again.
He helps Junhui out of his jeans with astonishing coordination, throwing them with the rest of their clothes behind Soonyoung before he sinks to his knees, huffing out a breath.
“Try not to cry, ok?” Soonyoung teases, another callback to their first impression. “I’m not really in the mood for milkshakes.”
“Bummer.” Junhui lets Soonyoung slip his briefs down, and now he’s completely naked, and Soonyoung is still super horny, and super fucking into this. “I guess this is the next best thing.”
“Give me a little and I’ll knock your mint chocolate chip right out of the park, Moon Junie.”
Junhui laughs at him again, a sound that gets quickly boiled off into a moan, Junhui dropping his head back as Soonyoung takes his cock in his hand, hard and leaking, heavy in his palm. Soonyoung feels sort of giddy at the fact that all those times he made up the lie to his friends that Junhui was big is actually sort of true. The real power of manifestation.
“You’re gorgeous,” Soonyoung tells him, which probably isn’t the thing to say when your friend’s dick is in your hands, but whatever.
Junhui always is, but especially like this. His gaze is soft as he looks down at Soonyoung, hair swept back and skin shiny with a thin layer of sweat, one that sort of catches the dim lighting of Soonyoung’s room and looks more like a glow than anything else. God, what is Soonyoung even saying right now?
“So are you,” Junhui says, and then he does the terrible thing and adds exactly what Soonyoung was thinking, but not brave enough to say, “Like, all the time.”
Soonyoung snorts out an unattractive, embarrassed laugh and looks back at Junhui’s cock. One thing at a time.
There’s a terrified voice in the back of Soonyoung’s head as he goes in to try and give Junhui the best head of his fucking life, reminding him that he hasn’t done this with someone other than his ex in five whole years, that it’s probable he’s not even good at it, that he’s not at all what Junhui is even looking for, full of insecurities and every reason why he was dumped in the first place. It’s enough to almost make Soonyoung want to cry again, or at the very least, hide, slip under the covers, and ask Junhui to politely leave, but—
“Oh, fuck, Soonyoung,” Junhui moans, like, honestly the prettiest moan Soonyoung’s ever heard his name called out in, palms of his hands digging into his mattress, frantic. “You’re so good at that. Fuck, keep—going, god, you’re so hot.”
The terrified voice in Soonyoung’s head gets a little quieter after that.
It’s easy for it to, easy to drown it out when Junhui is here and he’s real and he’s so damn loud, praises slipping from his mouth like he’s getting paid by the word. It’s cute, Soonyoung thinks. It’s obvious how hard Junhui is trying to stay still, to keep his hands grounded and polite, even though Soonyoung pulled off some two minutes ago to tell him he could touch him if he wanted. And he is gorgeous, throws Soonyoung off every time they make eye contact, every time Soonyoung swallows him down a little more and Junhui moans even louder, at one point even slipping into what Soonyoung can only recognize as literal Mandarin. He’s so happy Wonwoo decided to leave at his own volition.
“Soonyoung-ah, I’m, oh—“ Junhui has a hand on his head now, fingers threading through his hair gently before they pull a little. Soonyoung honestly moans, too. “I’m so close. Where do you w-want me t—“
“My mouth,” Soonyoung says when he pulls off quickly, voice much hoarser than he’d like, but hey, he’s hard at work here. “Come in my mouth, I want it.”
“Jesus, fucking—“
He does. Comes right down Soonyoung’s throat, but not without another shaky, drawn-out Soonyoung-ah, that admittedly makes Soonyoung’s own hard cock twitch, right before he braves it and swallows, which is gross, but worth it because Junhui moans again, scrambling to pull Soonyoung into his space, kissing his own taste right from his mouth.
Soonyoung hates to keep comparing, but Soohyuk never did that—he never kissed Soonyoung after he’d sucked him off. Some sort of superiority complex that sort of always bothered Soonyoung, even though it is probably both nasty and unsanitary. Junhui does not seem to mind.
“You’re so hot,” Junhui’s panting, hands at Soonyoung’s waist as he stands before him between Junhui’s legs, doing his best to pull away long enough to still properly catch his breath. Junhui is as enthusiastic in bed as he is in real life. “What can I do, let me do something for you.”
“Oh,” Soonyoung marvels, because yeah, he guesses this is a two-way street, but usually dude’s recovery periods aren’t this fast. At least Soohyuk’s wasn’t. Maybe Seungkwan was right; maybe he was old. “It’s—I’m fine.”
“Of course you’re fine,” Junhui allows, carefully undoing the clasp of Soonyoung’s pants, slowly, just in case Soonyoung wants to put a stop to it. He doesn't, because he’s still hard and he’s not stupid. Junhui’s hands find his ass once his pants are off, hands gently kneading the flesh there. Soonyoung feels his face heat up under the attention. “But I wanna do it. So tell me what you want, too.”
Turns out Soonyoung is desperate enough to want to be fucked, but Junhui is only half hard right now—still impressive, anyway—so instead, Soonyoung finds himself laid out and vulnerable, with Junhui’s mouth to his hip and a hand between his legs, deft fingers doing the absolute lord’s work.
“You good?” Junhui asks sometime around when he sinks a second finger in, and Soonyoung nods, all he can do is nod, stare up at the ceiling, and wonder if he’s going to regret this tomorrow. Junhui crooks his finger a certain way and Soonyoung moans loud, and doesn’t think he will.
“Fuck, Jun-ah,” Soonyoung mumbles, a little squirmy, which makes Junhui laugh before he presses another kiss to his hipbone, much softer than it probably should be, but that’s not something Soonyoung can worry about right now. “That’s so good.”
Junhui hums. “You probably couldn’t come just like this, could you?”
Soonyoung feels his eyes get wide so he shifts his gaze back up to the ceiling, just missing the beginnings of Junhui’s wicked grin. The bastard.
“I could, sure,” Soonyoung says passively. What he doesn't say is that he could probably come anyway if Junhui was the one touching him. “But please don’t do that to me. I’m—oh, my god—I haven’t been. It’s been a while, I need—“
“I know,” Junhui says, and then his mouth is on Soonyoung’s cock, first a small trail of kisses and then a long lick at the side that has Soonyoung reeling. “I’ll make it quick.”
Another finger goes in and Soonyoung is so sure Junhui is avoiding what he needs on purpose. He’s slow with it, well-executed, and sure of what he’s doing. Soonyoung would say he hates him if he could think of any words other than—
“Jun, Jun, Jun, shit.”
“That’s me.” He picks his head up from where he’d been resting against his thigh. Soonyoung thinks he has some hickies there, too, now. “You still good?”
“I’m good, you’re good, please.” His voice is starting to sound far away. Not like him. “Need it. Need—you. You to—“
“You’re so close, come on,” Junhui starts saying, tone of voice slipping into something Soonyoung is sure will haunt him in his raunchiest dreams for a while now. “You’re so pretty, Soonyoung-ah. Come.”
There’s a loose hand around his cock, now, and Junhui is sitting up, the multitasker he is. Soonyoung tries to point that out, tries to make him laugh one more time just to hear it over the sound of his panting, but he’s finishing before he can, coming with a string of swear words and an embarrassing moan and probably a million other Jun, Jun, Jun’s, that Soonyoung would like to pretend don’t exist.
One last kiss to his hip, Soonyoung whining again when Junhui removes his fingers, and then a kiss to his cheek. Junhui, in the middle of all of it.
“I need a shower,” Soonyoung finally huffs out, absolutely spent, chest still heaving as Junhui flops next to him, both of them looking up at the ceiling.
“I know,” Junhui agrees, head turning to consider Soonyoung, where Soonyoung can feel his eyes drag down his body. He doesn’t even have it in him to feel self-conscious. “In my defense, I was going to eat the cum off your abs, but. That felt like I might be doing too much, so I decided against it.”
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Soonyoung mumbles, laughing a little, because Junhui is ridiculous, and Soonyoung just swallowed his load like, twenty minutes ago. Great. “You’re insane. But for the record, that kind of would’ve been hot.”
Junhui hums. “Noted.”
Soonyoung blinks at the ceiling one last time, then looks at Junhui. “We should’ve been fucking for real like, ages ago.”
And Junhui laughs, pretty, airy, filling the room and all the little spaces inside Soonyoung. He feels a pang of victory and then underneath that, distantly, something a little less than pleasant.
* * *
Soonyoung sort of doesn’t think about it.
It felt right, sleeping with Junhui. Smart? Probably not, but right—sure. He doesn’t wake up the next day feeling overly guilty, or embarrassed, or like he can’t ever see Junhui again, even if he knows he can’t ever see Junhui like that again—naked, debauched, moaning Soonyoung’s name like it’s going to save him.
Soonyoung shakes the thought from his head. These things happen, or like, they sometimes do at least, and with Junhui, Soonyoung is surprised it honestly took so long. They had met under the premise of sex, anyway. It was inevitable, maybe, or at the very least, it was always a lingering idea. Soonyoung would be stupid to say that he hadn’t looked at Junhui a little longer than he should’ve sometimes, or imagined what it might be like to feel his lips against his.
It probably explains his somewhat frantic breakdown to Mingyu last week, too; he never had feelings for him. He was just—all wound up tight and needed to get this over with to recalibrate. It’s fine.
It’s basic human instinct.
Junhui invites him over two days later, and Soonyoung, like everything else with Junhui, goes easily.
“‘Sup, Hollywood,” Soonyoung greets him, cheesy, and with a big smile that’s reciprocated by Junhui, twofold. He’s cute like that; all happy as if he’s glowing around the edges.
“Alright, don’t get too ahead of yourself with that,” Junhui mumbles with a childish huff, letting him into the apartment, same as always, right as always.
He’s got one of his Chinese dramas on the TV, but it’s quiet otherwise. His roommates are probably out, and Junhui has probably just got back from the coffee place, and like always, he’s called Soonyoung to keep him company, rather than any other friend. Soonyoung doesn’t know why that really makes him feel all mushy instead, or why he’d probably do the same.
“Hungry?” Junhui asks, beelining to the kitchen while Soonyoung follows him close on his heels, taking a seat on the countertop as Junhui rifles around, before displaying a big box of cafe pastries, like he’s holding real fucking gold or something.
“Not really,” Soonyoung shrugs, reaching out, “but I would be insanely ridiculous not to take one of these.”
“I’m glad you have your priorities straight,” Junhui says, feigning a serious expression, and Soonyoung salutes him before diving into a cream-filled donut.
Junhui takes a muffin, reaches for some drinks in the fridge for the two of them, and then once they’re settled into a comfortable, routine silence, he speaks again.
“You look cute,” he says.
Soonyoung honestly does not look cute. He’s greasy because he didn’t shower when he got home from work and he’s wearing his worst pair of sweatpants, the kind that Seungkwan always tells him are too indecent for public places like the grocery store or something. He might be sporting a new zit on his cheek. He doesn’t look cute at all.
“You don’t have to compliment me, Jun-ah,” Soonyoung says, throwing his head back with a bit of laughter. He’s not thinking too much as he adds, “I already came over. Also, I already slept with you, so you can stop trying to butter me up.”
Junhui goes a little pink. “Right,” he says. “Could we—talk about that?”
“Oh.” Soonyoung licks some cream off the side of his hand where it’s slipped. He shrugs. “Sure, I guess.”
“You guess,” Junhui repeats with a little laugh. He straightens up, brows furrowing a little. “Did you not—were you gonna ignore it?”
Soonyoung hums around the donut. “It’s not like I’m pretending it didn’t happen,” he says. “But I didn’t think we’d—well. Are you… was it not ok for you?”
Junhui looks a little taken aback. He puts his muffin down, some of the side crumbling off. “Ok, as in—you in bed? Because you were fine, Soonyoung-ah, more than fine. That’s not what I really mean I wanna talk about, though.”
“Just as long as you’re not taking a whack at my ego, then, I guess,” Soonyoung jokes, and he knows Junhui knows it’s a joke, but Junhui doesn’t laugh. The air feels edgy. He puts the donut down and brushes off his hands, gesturing at Junhui. “Fine, sorry. What’s up?”
“Well, I just feel sort of—” Junhui pauses. Sucks in a breath. “Weird.”
“Weird,” Soonyoung echoes. “How so?”
“Like I can’t—can’t shake it,” Junhui says, slowly, like he’s trying to be so careful. Like he’s treading on glass. Soonyoung gets an awful feeling in the pit of his stomach and Junhui keeps going. “It was nice. But the kind of nice that feels like… like I’ve always known it. Known you.”
“Ok,” Soonyoung says, just sort of a breath more than anything.
“It’s how I always feel around you.”
“Oh.” Soonyoung nods. That he can do. “I feel the same, Jun, you’re a good friend, and I like spending time with you, I’ve said it.”
“Right,” Junhui agrees. “But normally, a friend doesn’t feel like—”
Another pause. Soonyoung hops off the counter, now just a touch closer to Junhui once his feet are on the floor.
“Feel like?” Soonyoung prompts. “Feel like what? We were just messing around, Jun-ah. It was—inevitable, sort of. Don’t you think so?”
“Inevitable like—”
“Like,” Soonyoung starts, slowly, just as slowly as Junhui, but maybe not as carefully, “like we’re two friends who met in—an odd circumstance, and we spend a lot of time together, and we’re both lonely. We’re people, that was just—I mean. It happens. We had the recipe for it, it was just bound to happen with time.”
Now Junhui looks confused.
“You think we were bound to—?”
“Think about it,” Soonyoung says. “The tension was sort of there from the start, so it’s not like anything else pushed us to it. It didn’t really mean anything. It shouldn’t mean anything. It doesn’t.”
Soonyoung regrets the words as soon as they come out. As soon as Junhui’s face falls, a tiny frown on his lips and the gleam that’s always in his eyes swept away within seconds. Like somebody’s turned the lights off. Like that somebody was Soonyoung.
“But why are you—why are you the one who gets to decide that?” Junhui swallows, and it looks harsh, looks like he’s forcing something down. Words, a feeling, Soonyoung doesn’t know. “I’m not trying to be too intense, or freak you out, but I really—I’m comfortable with you.”
“I know,” Soonyoung says. He nods. “I am, too, that’s why I’m saying the other night was—”
“It wasn’t inevitable, Soonyoung,” Junhui corrects him, and his voice sounds a little harsh when he says it. Soonyoung has never heard him sound like this before and he doesn’t like it. “I didn’t do that because it was inevitable. Because of some—stupid, lingering tension.”
“I’m not saying you did, but I—”
“Oh,” Junhui laughs, but there’s no humor to it. “Oh, I get it. You did it because of that, so now I just need to—erase how I feel and pretend I didn’t give a fuck either.”
“It’s not that I didn’t care,” Soonyoung says, a bit on edge now. “Don’t put words in my mouth.”
“You said it.” Junhui points at him, accusing, and continues, “you said you did it because it was bound to happen and that it doesn’t mean anything because you don’t want it to.”
“It’s not just because of me,” Soonyoung argues. His voice is getting uneasy. Attitude tense. “I said it because we’re friends, Jun. We’re two people who have both been screwed over and the last thing we need is to be screwed over again. I did it because I trust you, yeah, but that doesn’t mean I want to let you in like that.”
“Let me in like what?” Junhui looks hurt. It’s happening too fast and Soonyoung wants to fix it, he does, but it’s snowballing out of his control. “You already—fuck, Soonyoung. You already did. That’s why I—”
“I didn’t do anything,” Soonyoung says, defensive. He crosses his arms. “I became your friend. We agreed to be friends. Did you have this in your head the whole time? That you’d—you could get me to fix whatever the fuck your ex did and then just fall in love with you?”
“What?” Junhui scoffs. “No, why would you—Soonyoung, we’re friends.”
“Exactly, Jun,” Soonyoung nods, “friends. So why are you—why are you acting like this? Don’t make it worse, Jun-ah, I swear to god—”
“Why am I making it worse, I’m trying to be honest with you!”
“Well, don’t,” Soonyoung says, harsh, quick, sharp like a knife. “You knew I wasn’t ready.”
“And I was?”
“Clearly!”
“Do you have any idea what it’s like to fall in love with someone?” Junhui asks, and he never yells, and he still isn’t now, but Soonyoung thinks he would prefer it if he did. It’d be better than—this. The bite in his voice. While he tells Soonyoung he fell in love with him. He’s going to be sick. “It doesn’t happen overnight. It’s not like I saw you and I wanted to do it. And I don’t—I thought we were both—”
“No.” Soonyoung shakes his head again. “Don’t say that, if you want to say that—”
“You’re being ridiculous.”
“You’re not listening to me.”
“But I did listen to you,” Junhui says, “I listened the entire time. That’s why I’m—you know what, fine. Forget it, Soonyoung, seriously.”
“Fine,” Soonyoung says, and he doesn’t really know what he’s still doing there, but he feels hot all over and there’s an awful feeling in his stomach still and he has to go. “Like, whatever, Jun-ah. I don’t—I don’t care.”
“I know that you don’t,” Junhui says, and he laughs again and it’s the worst sound in the world.
“I’m leaving.” He shoves his phone into his pocket, the rest of his body moving on autopilot to the door. He’s halfway out of the kitchen when he calls over his shoulder, “If you wanted to do this to someone I wish you chose someone else. I’m sure Miyeon-ssi would’ve been really thrilled to have you in her bed only to—”
“I didn’t choose you, Soonyoung-ah,” Junhui starts to argue, but before he can say anything else, he sighs, deep and heavy, and then he shakes his head. “Just get out.”
“I will,” Soonyoung says, over the ringing in his ears and the tension in his head and the ache from his stomach creeping into his chest. “I am. I don’t— whatever.”
He’s at the door now, and he sort of pauses, hand hovering over the knob like Junhui might stop him. Like this is one of the scenes they practiced, like any second Junhui is gonna break character and laugh, and then they’ll play Mario Kart, and order takeout, and Soonyoung will feel whole again.
He’s not sure if he wants him to. He doesn’t anyway.
“Goodbye, Jun.”
The door clicks shut behind him.
* * *
They call Hoya Kerrii’s lucky love because of the shape of their leaves. They thrive on neglect, they don’t ask for much, but Soonyoung took Junhui’s, bought it the fancy soil, gave it a new home in his room, and helped her grow. Junhui did. Watched it blossom with bright green, starting from little buds into fuller ones, into hearts, looking like love inside and out.
They did it together. Soonyoung did it for Junhui.
Tiffany the Hoya Kerrii is thriving. Her leaves are green, her hearts are full. Soonyoung’s is not.
Soonyoung feels wilted, stomped on, stupid, and like he’s just ruined everything. He has, probably, but he’d much rather not think about it, at least not for too long, because he still feels like he’s on the verge of getting physically sick, and he doesn’t really want to deal with that right now.
He’s been in his bed since he came home two days ago. It’s not as bad as it was when Soohyuk dumped him; at the very least, he hasn’t busted out the shrimp chips yet. But it hurts more, maybe. Hurts different. Hurts in his chest and his head and everywhere else, because Junhui, in a way, was everywhere else. A little bit of him in every part of Soonyoung.
Soonyoung didn't mean any of it. The inevitable, the way he accused Junhui of wanting it all along, the way he took the way Junhui had bared his heart to him, flipped it around and weaponized it, shattered it, and then gave it back to him all in one blow.
The fact of the matter is that Soonyoung has had an awful go of it, but Junhui has made it better, and he’s wanted him for far longer than he’s made it known for himself. And now he’s gone and destroyed it.
Good people deserve good things, but good things do not deserve Soonyoung.
There’s the faintest tap on the door, one quiet enough that you probably wouldn’t hear it if you weren’t privy to being Jeon Wonwoo’s best friend for all these years, but Soonyoung knows it well enough.
“Come in,” he allows, albeit a bit begrudgingly, and the door opens to Wonwoo, giving him a little smile and a wave of his hands, a metaphorical white flag. Soonyoung greets him. “Hey.”
“Hi,” Wonwoo says back. He shuffles across Soonyoung’s carpet, over to where he’s laid flat in his bed, surrounded by a mound of pillows. “Any particular reason as to why you’ve been in the same spot for the past two days?”
Soonyoung scoffs. “Just enjoying my weekend to the fullest. Why is it okay when you do it, but when I do, we have to send up solar flares?”
“Dramatic,” Wonwoo says. He takes a seat at Soonyoung’s feet, showing a pillow out of the way. “You seem miserable.”
“I’m fine,” Soonyoung lies. “Did Seungkwanie put you up to this? Tell him to figure out his own life before he comes prodding around at mine.”
“No, Seungkwan did not,” Wonwoo says with a tiny scoff and a roll of his eyes. He moves again, this time planting himself right next to Soonyoung, head on one of the discarded pillows, shoving Soonyoung a little to make room for him. Soonyoung doesn’t have it in him to move him away. “Something’s up. You don’t have to tell me, I guess. But I will bother you until you do. Or until you at least feel better.”
Soonyoung sighs, sinking deeper into his comforter. He’s not sure where to start, because Wonwoo doesn’t know the truth, doesn’t know how Soonyoung really knows Junhui. The magnitude of the situation would be lost on him, most likely. Although, Soonyoung thinks the magnitude would be lost on anybody, even if they knew the real nature of their relationship; he’s not sure anybody understands Junhui in even the smallest fraction that he does.
“I fucked up, Wonu,” Soonyoung leads with because he’s not sure of many things right now, but that he knows is true.
Wonwoo hums. “Fuck up’s are fixable. What’d you do?”
“Jun.”
“He fucked up?”
“No.” Soonyoung shakes his head against one of his pillows. He’s sort of glad Wonwoo decided to make himself comfortable because he’s not so sure he could’ve had this conversation face-to-face. “I did. I said some mean things to him that I don’t think I meant and I—I ruined it.”
“I’m sorry, Soonyoung-ah,” Wonwoo says. “Did you try texting him? Relationships like that can be weird. Maybe it will blow over.”
Relationships like that. Ones that don’t involve any feelings, or emotions, or attachment, that’s what Wonwoo means. That's what he's wrong about.
“I don’t think it will,” Soonyoung says, a bit petulant, but then he thinks on it a little more and decides he sort of is done pretending, so he continues, “I think I’m in love with him, Wonwoo.”
And Wonwoo, the son of a bitch that he is, just laughs, a miniature sort of chuckle that fills the empty silence of Soonyoung’s room. Soonyoung turns to glare at him and Wonwoo’s gaze softens.
“I think that part is obvious,” Wonwoo explains gently. “Well. Obvious to everyone but you, I guess.”
“I wasn’t obvious,” Soonyoung argues, mostly because he feels embarrassed, and well, if Wonwoo knows, does Junhui know, too? Did he make all of this worse than it needed to be? “How would you know, anyway? It’s not like you met him often.”
Wonwoo shrugs, looking back up at the ceiling. “You were happy when you started seeing him. Like—even happier than you were towards the end of you and... you know who. I didn’t have to see you guys together to know he was making you happy.”
“Oh.”
Soonyoung feels like he might be sick. How awful of a thing, he thinks, to be happier hanging out with Junhui a few times a week than he had been in ages, only to catch hold of his feelings and freak out, tell Junhui to fuck off, and ruin one of the only good things in his life right now. The only thing that made him feel like he was going to be ok, most days.
“Yeah, oh.” Wonwoo laughs again. “What did you say to him?”
“The worst thing I could,” Soonyoung mumbles. “And he told me he loved me, too.”
“Even after you fucked up?”
“No, before.” Soonyoung pauses. “Or during, or after, I don’t remember. But god, I really, really, ruined it, Wonwoo-yah.”
“Well, it’s not like he’s dead,” Wonwoo points out. “Why can’t you talk to him?”
“Because it’s—” Soonyoung pauses. “It’s fucking scary.”
“No shit.”
“No,” Soonyoung says, though he doesn’t know what he’s arguing here. “I messed it up on my own, fine, but if I tell him how I feel now, and he tells me to fuck off, then I can’t—Wonwoo, I already got ripped to shreds by Soohyuk, I don’t wanna do it again. That’s why I didn’t want this to happen in the first place. It’s gonna hurt so bad if I let myself have him.”
“So you’d rather hurt him instead?” Wonwoo asks.
“What are you—”
“You’re scared to let yourself have him, even though you want him, even though you love him, just because there is an off chance out there that it might not work out,” he says. Soonyoung digests his words, silent, so Wonwoo continues. “So you’d rather make him feel bad, make him wonder why you don’t want him back? Look, I don’t know the kind of conversation you guys had, and it’s not my business so I don’t want to know. But the way you’re talking about it makes it seem like he wants you.”
“It’s not that easy—”
“Nothing ever is, Soonyoung-ah,” Wonwoo tells him, and Soonyoung has no idea when Wonwoo got all wise about stuff like this, but it’s sort of helping. “But what is easy is knowing that Jun deserves to be happy, right? We all deserve it. But you—you can’t break two hearts now just to save yours later.”
Goddammit. Maybe Soonyoung does miss when Wonwoo wasn’t wise.
“Are you sure Seungkwanie didn’t put you up to this?” Soonyoung asks, weakly, because he’s not sure what else he’s supposed to say other than I know, you’re right, I’m stupid and awful, which he’d honestly rather not right now.
Wonwoo reaches out to flick the side of his head. “I did it because you’re my best friend. And I already watched you go through enough shrimp chips and peanut butter this year.”
Soonyoung laughs, sitting up, still wrapped up in a mound of comforter, Wonwoo following him.
“You’re right,” he finally admits. “I need to talk to him. If he’ll let me.”
“I’m always right,” Wonwoo says, annoyingly, of course. “Just be gentle, Soonyoung-ah. With him and also yourself. You both deserve good things.”
How is Soonyoung supposed to deserve good things when he fucked up the best thing?
* * *
Junhui, predictably, doesn’t answer Soonyoung’s texts, but by some stroke of luck, he finds him.
He’s outside his apartment building, which is a blessing in and of itself because yes, Soonyoung has the door code, but he would never want to use it without some kind of warning first, especially in a time like this.
Instead, Junhui is on the bench outside, facing a row of ugly apartments again, glasses perched on the edge of his nose like the first time Soonyoung found him out here, sans a TV show script and coffee-stained shirt, and instead a to-go cup, straw popping out the top of a bunch of whipped cream. He looks surprised.
“Uh, hi,” is what Soonyoung leads with, because he didn’t expect to find him so soon, and he doesn’t want to come on too strong, so he has to tread lightly.
Junhui doesn’t smile at him like he always does, nor does he give him a tiny, friendly wave, the kind that Soonyoung has come to learn holds dozens of warm hello’s. Soonyoung thinks he might be sick.
“Hi.”
He looks at the cup in Junhui’s hand and gives him a slight smile, trying to ease some of the tension.
“Milkshake?”
Junhui only nods, folding his arms over his chest. He’s all shut out, body language telling Soonyoung to fuck off, which he really almost turns around and does. He can’t though. Wonwoo’s words ring in his head— you can’t break two hearts now just to save yours later.
“Can I sit?” Soonyoung asks, gesturing to the space next to Junhui. “I wanna—I owe you an apology.”
“You don’t, really,” Junhui says. He puts the shake in the spot next to him so Soonyoung stays standing, tucking his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “I think you made it clear about where we are, so don’t worry about it.”
“I didn’t mean any of it, though,” Soonyoung says, a bit pathetically, but he’s trying. “I know you don’t want to hear what I have to say, but I need you to. Please.”
Junhui just shrugs, looking down at the pavement, but Soonyoung doesn’t hear a no, so he continues.
“I was really—selfish and cruel when I spoke to you the other day,” Soonyoung starts. His voice sounds shaky. It feels like there’s cotton in his ears. Junhui still won’t look at him. “I didn’t mean any of it, but I said it because I was scared.”
“You didn’t have to be scared, Soonyoung-ah,” Junhui says slowly. “If I misread what was happening, or if you didn't like me that way it’s fine. But you didn’t have to—make me feel like shit about it. It was embarrassing. You made me—I felt awful.”
“I know,” Soonyoung says, hoping to convey his sincerity. “I know I did and I shouldn’t have. I was so scared when you told me you loved me because I wasn’t planning on that to happen—ever. With anyone. Regardless of how I might feel about you.”
“I think it’s obvious how you feel about me.”
“But it’s not, that’s the thing,” Soonyoung says quickly, shaking his head. “If it were obvious, I would’ve never done that to you. I wouldn’t have shaken it off and I wouldn’t have made you feel bad about it and honestly—I wouldn’t have done any of... that in the first place because you’re worth so much more than a horny blow job, Moon Jun, you’re like—like—the brightest star in the sky.”
Junhui looks at him, eyebrows furrowed barely, lips pushed out in an understated frown. He hugs his arms closer to him and takes a sip of his shake, scoffing.
“You can’t just come here and tell me I’m a star and think that’s gonna fix it.”
“I know,” Soonyoung says, nods. “I’ll tell you whatever you want. I’m so bad with words, Jun, and I’m even worse with feelings if you haven’t figured that out, but I wanna tell you I love you. I fell in love with you. Because you’re kind and a great friend and stupidly funny and never judge me for anything. And you like mint chocolate chip, but you love cats, and you apparently love me, or you did, and I think you’re all kinds of crazy beautiful and I—I’d say all of it if you want me to. If you—”
“I do.”
Soonyoung blinks. “You do what?”
“Do still love you,” Junhui tells him. He takes another sip. “Unfortunately, by the way, because you really were a dick the other day, and I cried about it for like, a little.”
“Oh, Jun-ah—”
“Shua hyung said he’d beat your ass if he ever saw you again.”
The corner of Junhui's mouth twitches a little, a small smile. Soonyoung nods.
“That's ok,” Soonyoung says. “I would, too.”
“You told me to sleep with Miyeon, Soonyoung-ah,” Junhui reminds him, keeping his voice down as if she’s around, which, well, she very much could be.
Soonyoung shifts on his feet, a guilty, awful feeling in the pit of his stomach. “I don’t know why I did,” Soonyoung admits. “I was angry and scared, and sort of jealous of her because she—looks like she has everything and she sort of wants you, but I—I wanted to be the one who had you.”
“You’re stupid. You always had me,” Junhui tells him easily, of course, he does, and the feeling in Soonyoung’s stomach twists even further. He shrugs, keeping his voice soft and even. “I didn’t mean for what happened to happen, and I don’t want you to owe me anything or feel like you need to reciprocate, because I—”
“Moon Jun,” Soonyoung says, shaking his head. “Never once did you make me feel like I owe you anything. You’ve been—so nice, and so good to be around, and I didn’t realize it because it came so naturally but I’m so… happy when I’m with you. I’m so me. You made me feel like I don’t owe you anything, but I actually owe you—the world. I want to, though. Like, I wanna give you that, because—”
“Soonyoung,” Junhui groans a little, curling into himself. “Don’t be so corny, that was so—”
“Sorry,” Soonyoung says, even though he doesn’t really mean it, even though he would say that and a million other corny things because it’s what Junhui deserves. “I just—wanna sort of start over with you. Like before I ruined it.”
“It wasn’t all you,” Junhui mumbles, and then he sits up a little straighter, smiles at Soonyoung, and sticks out his hand. He clears his throat.
“I’m Jun," he says. "I was born in Shenzhen and I like mint chocolate chip. I’m sort of an actor, but in the meantime, I’m still a barista, and I have a Hoya Kerrii that I am taking care of, and she’s kind of made a miraculous comeback in the past few months.”
Soonyoung smiles, feels his cheeks kinda hurt a little as he does, and takes a step closer to Junhui, gently taking his hand in his. Junhui is so warm. Soft.
“I’m Soonyoung. I’m from Namyangju and feel indifferent about mint chocolate chip. Also, I’m an editor for a fashion magazine and was recently dumped, and was a bit of a mess, but then I met this really nice guy and he had a really cool plant and now I’m doing a whole lot better.”
Junhui grins. They’re still holding hands.
“What’s the plant’s name?” he asks.
“Tiffany.”
“Like the brand?”
“No,” Soonyoung shakes his head. “Girls’ Generation.”
“Nice,” Junhui says. He lets go of Soonyoung’s hand and Soonyoung sort of misses the warmth, but then he scoots over, pats the place next to him, and tilts his head. “Do you like milkshakes, Soonyoung-ssi?”
Soonyoung smiles.
* * *
It’s the last day of December when Junhui chooses a light blue to paint his room.
It’s calm, and it’s pretty, and Soonyoung thinks it suits him much more than the old, stark white had. He’s got a few odd colored throw pillows, rearranges the neat order of pictures that surrounds Tiffany, and even swaps out the sturdy, uncomfortable-looking armchair for something much more Junhui, letting Joshua take repossession of the old one instead.
Soonyoung got him another plant. It’s still pending a name, but it’s another succulent, a Jade plant, and Soonyoung learned when researching the best one for Junhui that the Jade plant grows slowly, only about two inches a year, but with patience and the right kind of care, they can eventually grow up to six feet, which Junhui finds very promising. And Soonyoung finds that about Junhui to be very cute.
Patience is a virtue, but to be able to have it is a gift. Soonyoung knows that from personal experience; relearning Junhui, rebuilding and regaining both their trust, the both of them taking their time to adjust to their new— everything, especially after Soonyoung had let some of it crumble, let his insecurities get in the way instead and chip at Junhui’s trust just a little, just the wrong amount.
Soonyoung doesn’t want to speak too soon, but he thinks things are good. He can have Junhui whenever he wants now—without the hiding and sneaking around, by the way, which was a very interesting truth that he had to finally let free to his friends—and he lets himself be selfish for the right reasons these days, reasons that involve Junhui and his warm smile and even warmer heart, which Soonyoung has found is even bigger than he could ever imagine, has lots of room in it for his friends and his family and Soonyoung, which is something he’s still trying to wrap his dizzying head around.
But he’s happy. They both are.
“What about Taemin,” Soonyoung suggests, shoulder pressed against Junhui’s as they lay side by side in his bed, staring straight ahead at the Jade plant, considering.
“They’re not a Taemin,” Junhui argues. Who knew naming a plant was such serious business? “You just have an unhealthy obsession with SHINee.”
“No, I don’t,” Soonyoung argues back. He raises his arm to elbow Junhui’s side, only earning a small oof, followed by a giggle in response. “You’re being picky. SHINee is good, by the way. Don’t make me end this, Jun-ah. We finally made it official.”
“You’d break up with me over SHINee?” Junhui sounds amused. “I guess it’d be a noble way to go out. Taemin is more handsome than me, anyway.”
“Sorry,” Soonyoung says, doing a poor job of concealing his laughter. He rolls over into Junhui’s space, trying not to feel all like the high schooler he does when Junhui lets his arms wrap around his middle, tugging him closer. “You’re pretty handsome, though, Moon Jun. Don’t sell yourself too short.”
“What a compliment, Soonyoung-ssi,” Junhui jokes. “Just what every guy wants to hear.”
Soonyoung laughs, leaning up to press a kiss to the corner of Junhui’s mouth because he can and because he wants to. Junhui fights back a smile.
“Honestly,” he says, “I’m thinking Tiffany The Second.”
“Are you stupid? Where is any creativity?”
“It’s my plant,” Junhui points out, mostly just to be annoying, probably, and it works. Soonyoung narrows his eyes a little but doesn’t have it entirely in him to fully feign offense which means he lets Junhui’s hand hold his ass through his sweats because he sort of can and because he sort of wants him to, too. “You think just because you bought it—”
“I did something nice for you!”
“Oh, so you think just because you do something nice for me, I just let you do whatever you—”
“You woke up insufferable,” Soonyoung accuses him with a laugh. Junhui is holding back another giggle of his own and Soonyoung thinks he is just plainly so cute. “Don’t put words in my mouth, you can name your silly plant whatever you want.”
“Don’t call her silly, she’s self-conscious,” Junhui says, and his hand down there is starting to get a little antsy, and Soonyoung can already tell what direction this is probably going in. “Maybe I’ll name her Soonyoungie.”
“It’s a beautiful name. I would love nothing more than to have a little plant named after me,” Soonyoung says, which is stupid, the entire conversation is stupid, but it’s also nice being able to go from plant naming to room redecorating to how they’re both genuinely feeling all within the same, few short hours. It’s nice being with Junhui. It’s easy being with him.
“Oh, no, it’s not after you,” Junhui says, “I was naming her after the other Soonyoung in my life.”
“As I said,” Soonyoung huffs, shifting so he can get a better look at Junhui’s face, “you woke up insufferable.”
There’s no bite to his words, no hint of malice at all, really, especially not when Soonyoung kisses him for real this time, squishing his cheeks in his hands and enjoying the slow slide of Junhui’s lips against his, because that’s easy, too.
Junhui’s smiling when Soonyoung kisses him, a small upturn of his lips that feels sort of contagious, makes Soonyoung want to smile, too, despite how hard it is to kiss with your teeth out because Junhui just has that effect on him. He shifts a little underneath Soonyoung and sort of rolls his hips, and it’s not hard to see that he’s got that kind of effect on him, either. Soonyoung wishes he was stronger than he actually is.
“Your roommates are home,” he says through a groan, both annoyed and vaguely turned on because that’s pretty much the default state with Junhui sometimes.
“Right,” Junhui confirms, however going in for another kiss, a little more sharpness than the last one. “So I guess that means we’ll have to be quiet.”
“Jun-ah.”
“I can be good,” he says, stupidly endearing and beautifully awful, “I can stay quiet for you.”
Soonyoung scoffs, reaching out to pinch at Junhui to distract from the fact that his cheeks are definitely red. Junhui yelps, hand at Soonyoung’s ass pinching back. Soonyoung doesn’t even budge.
“Low blow,” he says. He lets Junhui kiss him one last time, frowning when they pull away, both aware they really will not be doing anything while Jeonghan and Joshua are still here, audibly present with their arguing over how to organize their mugs in the kitchen seeping in from the hall. “Remember when we were trying to get people to think we were fucking?”
“My best acting gig yet,” Junhui says, silly. “I guess I can wait. I was under the impression it was my turn to blow you, so forgive me for trying to pay it forward.”
“Very promising,” Soonyoung says, pretending the idea doesn’t excite him as much as it really does. If there’s one thing he’s learned over the past month or so, it’s that there is very little that’s better than Junhui on his knees for him, but that’s something he can think about later because he’s not really in the business of getting a boner right now. “You can romance me first, though. If you’d like to.”
“And I would like to, thank you,” Junhui agrees, pressing an obnoxious kiss to Soonyoung’s forehead before he lets Soonyoung rollover out of his space, sitting up instead. “I’ll buy you dinner if you buy dessert.”
“You got a deal, Moon Jun.”
And sometime later, after dinner and halfway through dessert—milkshakes; mint chocolate and vanilla—they agree on Taemin for the Jade plant, solely because Soonyoung wants it, and Junhui is pretty keen on giving Soonyoung what he wants these days, and vice versa. He gives Soonyoung even more later, naked, panting Soonyoung’s name and so good, especially when he comes with an I love you shyly mumbled into Soonyoung’s shoulder, making him feel warm inside and out.
Good people deserve good things. It comes to them when they’re ready.