Work Text:
Peter’s sharp focus on his work broke as he felt a welcomed prescence behind him. His patron had come to check in as he often did. They would talk for hours and Peter did not mind the delay in his progress so long as Mr. Stark did not mind either. In fact, he would sooner wish to never finish his masterpiece if it meant staying here with him.
As Mr. Stark went into the room, Peter put down his brush and turned to him, but he was looking at the twisting dark colors on the wall.
“You always have so many worries. I wish to take them away. If you speak them I can help. They will not become real if they have no chance to become.”
I can’t speak them.
Why not? As I said I will help you.
It’s not something money can buy.
I don’t understand.
It’s the way you look at me. I don’t want it to change.
It would never for any reason. There are no thoughts in your head nor deeds in your hand that could change that. You are as you are no matter how much I know or will ever know. I already see what you’re hiding when I look at you even if I have not heard it.
Oh, but you must promise me this before I am to speak.
Good god, are not the words torn from my heart enough? You do not trust me. But alright I-
No I do! I do. You have spoken but it did not strike me completly as it does now. I am shrouded in your words and will speak from my breast. I am twisted. I see repugnant things in my mind. I view you not as a gentlemen nor myself but contorted like animals in shame on the floor. No, you must never look at me again! You must tear my words from your mind! You must destroy me so I don’t infect you!
Tony goes to Peter and envelopes him in his arms. Peter shivers as he feels metal bars punctuate his skin from his ankle to his shoulder and lock him in place. They burn.
Forgive me but your words seemed too great to respond with my own flaccid ones. But now I can speak again. I can tell you that I am as you are and I prey you will vow to not turn away from me. I had shut off all memories and images of naked animals writhing in hunger and despair but when I first layed eyes upon you, I saw a fresh doe in the twilight. I had not realized that I as a hunter had snuck upon you with loaded gun and had you call out, wounded, for mercy.
You are as I am… we are the same? But I am no doe. I am a putrid thing. I wish to throw you to the floor and strip you of your purity.
There is no purity! We are the same! We walk in the facades of men but we are vile creatures.
What is to be done then. And then in whisper: we are the same.
We are now in The Valley of Shadows. If we stay here we will be ripped apart from limb to limb. We must return to the surface and walk as men. We must look away from our shadows and hold that we are pure.
Then nothing will come of this new knowledge? But I should ache for wickedness even more. The vulgarity is clearer in mind now more than ever.
Do you not understand? We cannot live as animals as we would be hunted and put down. But before any exterior force destroys us, we will die from within. Our flesh will hang rotting from our bones, cutoff from our hearts.
No! This is untenable! I do not know how I’ll go on as before. I don’t think I can raise. There is no gentlemen in me anymore. I am lost. You must take me or leave me behind.
I would never leave you behind. I would sooner stay lost with you. If you cannot raise then this is what we must do. We don’t have to talk about or think about it. We’ll meet in the dark and become one shadow indestinguishable from the night. At light when the lines of our bodies are visible again we will be as before. It will be as if only our shadows danced in strange patterns while attached to still forms.
Yes, I will let my shadow lead me into The Valley and let you lead me out as the sun breaks over the horizon if you say there is still a body of a gentlemen for me to claim.
Yes, I see him now even if his possessor is somewhere else. Meet me at nightfall out in the gardens. This is the last I shall say to you about it. We must now return to the realm of men.
-
Peter wished to just send his body to the gardens and leave his fear behind.
But his mind went as welll and saw all that occurre. He saw his own pouty lips wrapped around Mr. Star’s dick. He saw the wall a foot away from him just barley visible from where Mr. Stark railed into him without sympathy or grace. He had truly become transformed in the shadows. Not gentle nor sweet nor kind. Only an animal dominating another in between days.
Peter wished to stay behind. He wished to not carry his shadows back out onto the surface in a never ending loop. He wished he had the bravery to turn away forever or speak again of their wretched animals.