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First Year of Separation
Pran
The door opens and Pran drifts into the room, throwing his backpack to the corner of his desk. He falls backwards onto his unmade bed, a move so practiced, it takes but 5 seconds to kick off his shoes, a dull thud resounding against the closed door. He then shimmies upwards and wraps his duvet around himself, a cocooned lump curled in a fetal position. He is totally enclosed within the darkness as his curtains are always drawn closed throughout the day, as if needing to shun the light 24/7.
It’s been a week since he’s been sent here, uprooted from everything he knows, all comforts and security stripped away because he dared to chase after his own dreams. Straying from the set path laid before him, taking detours and forging new trails that meandered from the main route. How could he have known the heavy price he would have to pay just for those small bursts of joy that diverged from his mum’s expectations? Has her love always been so transactional? A one way street that goes to hell if you don’t follow her directions?
He is still crying himself to sleep every night. His chest perpetually feeling smashed in, the music in his soul silenced and in its place, an empty void where he soundlessly screams while existing during the day. Surviving on autopilot to make it to the end of the school day, so he can come back to this drab, dark room to finally let out the tears.
He knows he should let Pat go, finally kill off the feelings that've been a part of him for so long. If anything, this whole fiasco has taught him how futile and perilous it is to even be friends with Pat. But his traitorous mind always wanders back to the wide eyed, puppy like boy. Wondering if he thought of Pran too. Wondering if he missed him. Wondering if he’ll move on easily as if Pran was never part of his life anyway.
Pran feels dead inside, and the tears come.
Pat
It’s been a few months since Pran left. There’s still a gaping hole inside of Pat that he doesn’t understand why or how it got there. There’s an emptiness that haunts him and nothing feels quite right.
Another abnormality is how angry Pat is all the time. There’s a fire that burns underneath his skin that threatens to blow up and burn through anyone that provokes him. His Pa was proud that he was getting into fights and winning them. Until he got called into the Principal’s office and was told that his son needed to curb his temper or be suspended.
His grades suffered. Gone was the charming, roguish, easy going boy and in its place came a new version of petulant, troublemaking gangster. His Pa threatened him to no avail. Even Paa couldn’t reach him. Pat just found everything BORING. There was nothing that made it worth his while to make an effort. He lost direction and he lost himself to the point where his family didn't recognise him anymore.
Hushed whispers and muted arguments could be heard behind his parents bedroom door, his Ma insisting on finding a counselor for him but his Pa bristling at the idea that his son is ‘weak enough’ to need counseling. He hears how Ming yells at his Ma, saying Pat just needs to man up and get his life together and for her to not coddle the damn boy.
Pat sometimes finds himself thinking about Pran. How Pran would’ve acted if he was here. What Pran would’ve said. How Pran would scoff and threaten him to come back to the straight and narrow. How the sunlight hits his hair just so, making it seem like there's a halo around his head. How the indents of his dimples deepen when he’s won a round in their never ending series of bets.
But there is no more Pran in his life. He left and never came back. Never even tried to contact him. And Pat doesn’t delve deeper into why that makes him so ridiculously miserable.
Second Year of Separation
Pran
Wai slaps Pran on his back, the first of many as Pran is jostled within his group of friends, a chorus of congratulations ringing out. Pran’s half smile morphs into a full grin as he holds up his hands in surrender to the good natured slaps. The attention is shifted once they read down the list and Wai crows amidst his turn of playful thumps and thwacks.
“Our new Student Body President and Treasurer should treat us to drinks tonight, don’t you think?” Beam yells out, hyping the rest of the guys.
Wai scowls, “We’re gonna be working our asses off for you guys, WE deserve to be treated, not the ones treating!”
Pran chuckles to himself as Beam and Wai continue bickering as they make their way back to the dorms. Wai took pity on the melancholic, quiet new student and after a few months of seeing him go through school like a zombie, started talking to him.
They both got along well as Wai had his own issues but respected Pran and existed alongside him. Allowing him to process his feelings but also slowly drawing him out of his shell and back into a semi human state. By the second half of the first year, Pran was much better.
He also had a good influence on Wai and helped curb his hot temper whenever he could, or joined in the fights when he couldn’t. Pran even got a nickname of “Pran The Warrior” due to his proficiency in fights. After a particularly bad one, Pran realized he would have to tone things down as their teacher threatened to call their parents. And Wai had his scholarship on the line. They both calmed the hell down after that.
Due to this, they were skeptical about successfully being voted into the Student Council, but it was a new year and after agreeing to really work on not fighting, they had made more friends and learnt to avoid physical confrontations. Pran naturally drew people to him, his intelligence, kindness and overall calming but fun personality making him popular amongst his peers. Wai was also a riot and easy to get along with when he wasn’t grumpy. It definitely helped that they were both good looking, garnering admiration from many students.
Pran still has moments where he falls into that dark hole in his mind, a constant companion after being sent here. But more often than not, he finds it easier to claw his way out of that hell hole. Dusting himself off and going about his day, almost feeling normal again.
Pat
Pat is busy being pushed into one of the stalls of the girls bathroom on the 3rd floor, dainty pink nails scratching down his bare chest, his sports jersey somewhere on the floor near the sinks outside. Jun is giggly as she plasters herself against Pat, her soft and ample breasts pressing hard, making Pat thump into the wall behind him.
Pat can’t keep the wide smirk off his face. He had been flirting with the head cheerleader for a month now and she had promised a reward if they won the game. Pat even got awarded MVP. Looks like it will be a double celebration as Jun seductively eyes him as she kneels down and starts unbuckling his pants.
Releasing a low moan as she takes him into her mouth, Pat vaguely reminds himself to pick up his trophy after this. He stops thinking as she starts getting serious about it and blows his brains out.
By the second half of last year, Pat took a good, hard look at himself and made a decision to stop being a perpetual asshole. He made his Ma cry and Paa stays out of his way. They’ve even had arguments so bad that the last one made Paa scream she doesn’t know who he is anymore, and that she misses her damn idiot of a brother and why is he choosing to be a fucking brainless moron, who’s trying to push everyone out of his life.
His Pa had tried disciplining him and it only worked to make Pat keep his fights and issues from getting back to his Pa, using his Ma and Paa to cover for him. But that had all come to an end after both his Ma & Paa broke down. Realizing that this was not the way to continue, Pat channeled his fury into different things.
He joined a gym and sometimes went twice a day. He bulked up and became serious about healthy eating and meditation. He joined the football club at school, with a goal to make it as Team Captain and win accolades, something his Pa aggressively encouraged. He started playing the drums again and learnt other traditional instruments. His parents agreed to increase his allowance when he showed interest in extreme sports and activities. Anything to help Pat focus his attention on other things rather than on fights.
Pat also started flirting with girls again. He wasn’t looking for a long term relationship, aware that even in the past, the girls he tried his best with only ended up using him either for his looks or his money. Pat was done being played. Maybe he just didn’t have what it takes for people to stay. Everyone ends up leaving him anyway, so he’s going to focus on the now and just have fun.
Third Year of Separation
Pran
The door slams and Pran heaves a sigh of relief as he lies back down on his bed, body haphazardly splayed in the middle. He didn’t mean to hurt Tee, he had made it clear from the start that he didn’t do relationships. That it was a casual thing that both parties could choose to end whenever they wanted to, with no hard feelings.
But he recognised the signs that Tee was crossing the line from a casual fuck to wanting a more intimate arrangement. Before it went any deeper, Pran pulled the plug on this sinking ship and Tee didn’t take it well. Tee was crying and pleading but Pran firmly stood his ground, resulting in the sobbing mess that vacated his room cursing him for “playing with his heart”.
Pran stares at the ceiling and wills his emotions to calm down. His depression was pretty much gone. He had accepted his lot in life, lived with the emotional scars that made grooves in his heart and made the best out of the brokenness borne from being thrown out of home.
He also tried his best to forget about his feelings for Pat. But that was like carving off a limb. It was a part of himself and it hurt like hell to remove. It was another thing he had to accept. That his love for Pat was so much a part of him that he may never be able to get rid of it. He just tried his best not to think about it too much.
That’s why he could never get a faen. It wouldn’t be fair to them. He couldn’t give himself fully to the other person. But he wasn’t a damn monk either, he was a hormonal 17 year old, and he gets horny too damnit. If the other party was willing, it was a win-win situation for everyone involved.
Even though Pran had settled down and was doing really well at school now, he still kept parts of himself private. No one else knew about the secrets he carried within himself. Wai was his best friend but even he was not privy to everything, especially his past. Wai knew very little about his past and his family situation. Even the reason why he joined halfway through the semester was never fully explained.
Sometimes he wished he had someone he could share his shit with. Someone who understood him. Because they went through the same things themself. Understood the pressure, his fears, his dreams, and him.
Wai was a damn good best friend. He understands him, to a point. He exasperatedly and fondly tolerates his “quirks” and OCD. But he doesn’t fully accept and understand them. Nor does he know exactly how to handle him when Pran has a meltdown over the most inconsequential things. He doesn’t make Pran feel SEEN and accepted, unlike…someone.
Tears gather in his eyes and he closes them. He feels them run down his cheeks, pooling in his ears. Damn it, sometimes he misses Pat so much, the hollowness within him fills with want instead. A yearning so painful for something he can never have.
Pat
Captain slings an arm over Pat, excitedly describing the new app that was launched this morning.
“It’s like tinder but has more features and better security!”
It’s lunch time, Pat and his classmates are listening, enraptured, to Captain listing all the benefits of joining Matched, an app created to fill the gaping hole Tinder left when they shut down their 13-17 year old community and left millions of teenagers frantically searching for something similar.
“There’s a monthly joining fee but it’s worth it, keeps out the riff raff you know. And their security is even more hard core, to ensure their members stay safe. It’s not enough to upload your ID to get verified, you need mutual acquaintances to vouch for you too. And members leave feedback, like a rating system on whether you are an upstanding citizen of the community.”
Gap scoffs, “I’m sure people are already finding ways around all this.”
Dunk chimes in, “Have you seen the girls on there? Have you swiped right a lot??”
Captain sneers at him, “It doesn’t work like that dude! I told you security for this app is freaking high”
Pat stifles a yawn, never had he been interested in dating apps. He gets enough girls (and boys) in real life without the need for extra online help.
“Hey, not everyone can be a stud like you, Pat!” Dunk punches Pat’s muscled arm good naturedly. “Some of us need to fish from the online pond, ok?! At least pretend to join in the conversation!”
Captain holds Pat by his arms and tries to shake the immovable mountain of muscle (unsuccessfully).
“It’s not all about love and dating, dude! There’s a section for people wanting to make like minded friends and just have people to chill out with. Maybe you’ll finally find someone who’ll go skydiving with you!”
They all shudder at the thought. Pat’s friends were all sporty, smart and funny. Like gravitated towards like. But none of them enjoyed extreme sports (nor had the money to upkeep an expensive hobby like that) and Pat mostly went alone.
Cap whips out his mobile to show them the app and the gang downloads it together. Pat humors them and downloads in solidarity. Guess there’s no harm in checking it out. He COULD just use it to find people who liked motorbikes and extreme sports.
First Contact
Pat
Pat’s phone pings and he sees the notification at the top that says “You’ve Been Matched”. Opening up the app, it directs him to the homepage where a little square box shows him information about the latest match that the app is suggesting for him.
It’s a guy who lives 20 miles away (the app only gives an approximate distance of how far you are from each other), loves skydiving and football but his dislikes school, gays and Mama boys. Pat clicks on “Unmatch” straight away and keeps his phone back on his bedside table and continues reading his manga.
Last week, his group of friends had downloaded the app together and did the required personality test which would help the app match people to them. It covered A LOT of ground. A wide range of questions about their likes and dislikes. It went further than a normal personality test, requiring information about hobbies, food preferences, personality preferences, sex preferences, their own personality types, how they handle conflict, how they communicate, future plans, career plans, what they like in a partner, what they expect out of relationships, are they open to kids, would they agree on an open relationship. The breadth of questions boggled their minds. Pat wondered if the app is mainly aimed at teenagers or includes adults too. Some of these questions are so far from what a teenager would think about.
They couldn’t finish the test during their break and they all had to finish it at home. That night, his Pa had given him a thrashing due to losing in their latest football competition and failing to win MVP for the game. It was also the first time his Pa had announced that the scoundrel neighbor’s son was continuing to be top of his class and also excelling in his extra curricular affairs. The neighbors had been telling everyone in the community and an Uncle had casually mentioned it to his Pa. He continues with how Pat is such a letdown and his Pa was extremely disappointed that he isn’t taking things seriously.
He had finished his dinner quickly and asked to be excused to go focus on homework, just to get away from the stifling environment his Pa created with his unrelenting expectations of perfection. It’s times like this that he missed being able to look out of his window and see the one person who would’ve understood him. They both became each other’s cause of pain but also the balm that eased it.
Shaking his head to will the thoughts away, he picks up his phone to scroll through social media. It’s then a reminder pops up to finish the app’s Personality Test and Pat figures, why not. He finishes the multitude of questions and gets to the next page, which asks him to choose whether he would like to be matched for friendship, love or casual hookups (17+ only).
He clicks on friendship, hoping to find someone he might be able to talk to as well as enjoy activities with. He misses having a friend who really understands him. It’s a longshot to find something like that on an app but it's worth a try.
The following week has Pat unmatching every single recommended match. There is always something that makes him feel unsatisfied. Some were very obvious reasons, but some just made him feel off. He doesn’t look too much into it, vaguely registering that he seems to have some hidden requirement he’s looking for, but not really being aware of what it is. Or why he feels like that.
His friends tease him about being so picky as if he’s picking his bride and planning his marriage right after. Dunk tells him to lighten up, he’s looking for potential friends, not a wife. Gap mocks him that at this rate, he’ll never find someone and he’s not sure if he should feel honored or worried that they’re friends considering Pat has such weird but HIGH STANDARDS, unrealistic, but high.
Captain had chosen love and had already started chatting with 2 ladies. Dunk had chosen casual hookups and already met up with a guy for a date at the arcade, which he says was a success. They ended up in the toilets making out for an hour before being kicked out at closing time. Gap and Pat had chosen friendship where Gap wanted to find a group of younger people near him that liked tai chi. So far, his friends had joined him a few times but he knew they went only to support him, so that he wasn’t the only young person amidst a sea of white haired elders.
Matched is now the most popular app in Thailand, with 70% of youths on it. As far as the kids are concerned, EVERYBODY is on the app, it was the thing to be using nowadays. People are meeting new friends, finding partners and hooking up left right and center.
Pat is still waiting to see if the app would be able to find him that one person (yup, he just wants to find ONE now) that meets his requirements.
Two weeks later, his phone pings and Pat glances at the familiar notification again. It’s become a habit to check it out, unmatch then go right back to doing what he was doing. He quickly scans through the info, noting skydiving and motorbikes listed as interests. Football fan though this person rooted for a different club.
His dislikes include homophobia, half ass attempts at anything and having things out of place. Interesting.
One of the things this person is looking for includes finding a worthy competitor to do life with, to find the iron that sharpens iron so that both parties benefit from the interaction.
Pat liked that. This person seems interesting. He ignores the niggling feeling in his head about how familiar these specifications are. But it’s been 2 plus years and this person is only, holy shit, 10 miles away. There’s no way it could be his past rival, who’s currently hundreds of miles away in a whole other province.
Pran
Pran checks out the latest candidate for friendship that the app gives him. He is at a group study session with Wai and Beam, sitting outside for once. Beam had complained about how they were all pasty faced and lacking Vitamin D from endless hours in the library. They compromised by finding a shady table in the courtyard and setting up their stuff there.
Wai is explaining fractions to Beam whose eyes seemed glazed over after hours of studying. Everyone hears Pran’s phone buzz, still on silent mode from when he set it in the library. Pran picks it up and sees the notification, clicking on it to check it out.
“Dude, you’d think you were vetting candidates for a job, the way you’re so picky just to find a friend!” Beam teases Pran.
They had all done the test together and Pran mentioned how he wanted to meet more people from Bangkok. Both Beam and Wai weren’t yet sure which University they were interested in and Wai would need to sit for the scholarship exam. He wasn’t keen on rekindling old friendships from his previous high school as they were all connected to Pat. He needed a fresh start and new friends who would never have cause to bring a certain someone up.
Pran actually wanted to find casual hook-ups but knew that both his friends would side eye him and nag about how dangerous it was, but Pran had run out of options. He’s at an all boys boarding school with a limited number of openly gay students and he’s exhausted ALL possibilities here. Literally would not want to fish in this small puddle ever again.
He would also not want the commitment of love and all the messiness and expectations that came with it. Oh well, Pran figured it was still worth the money to find friends outside of Chiang Mai. His mum had agreed to allow him to come back to Bangkok for University and he had already chosen which one he was aiming for, as well as the course. He had set his location near that University, not too near, but near enough so that the people he matched with would be close enough to hang out with.
He had curated his specifications in a way to ensure matches that would not only be fun to be around but can also keep up with his competitive spirit and spur each other on in their academic field of choice.
Pran checks out this new profile and is halfway impressed. Captain of his school's football team, top of his year, looking for mutuals who loved extreme sports, open to all genders cause love is love.
Hmm, that sounds promising. Who knows, maybe they can start as friends and in future, could progress to something more.
Pran clicks on “Match”.
The Fate That Binds Us Together
It is surprisingly easy to talk to User MessiMagic10, his own username incorporating football as well. They both tease each other about their chosen handles (Pran’s being FootyFanatic) and skip the whole awkward phase of trying to find common ground. They just seamlessly went from football to other sports, to upping one another about their academic achievements (in this last year itself).
Matched never used real names and it is up to their members whether or not they feel comfortable to divulge more personal information.
Pran: So what should I call you? Mes ok?
Pat: Yeah, sounds good. What bout you? Doubt you’ll like being called Foo, or Foot. Footy? 😂😂😂
Pran: Very funny! Just Fan is fine.
Both kept things very general, never divulging which school they go to, never giving too much information that would give away more of their identities. After all, it pays to be careful online, even with verification and the vouching of their friends on the account.
Being all cryptic and mysterious had some drawbacks in the beginning stages of getting to know each other. One time, Mes (Pat) accidentally spilled that he is the only boy in the family and Fan (Pran) misunderstood the message to mean he was an only child and said they were the same. To which Mes (Pat) then thought that Fan (Pran) had a sister too. There was some confusion on both sides, but in the end they just moved on to other topics.
Both found out that they are in accelerated streams in school and compared notes, impressed by each other’s intelligence. Both of them are generally good in every subject but Mes (Pat) is a genius in Math and Science while Fan (Pran) excelled in languages (English and Thai) and Economics.
Pat: Fannnn! You lifesaver!! That youtube tutorial was gold. I’ve followed that channel! Why do teachers not teach like that? It would make every subject so much easier to understand!
Pran: Yeah? Glad it helped. I found them last year and they’re the main reason I got my top score in English last term.
Pat: I’ve got this website I go to which prepares mock exam questions. You need to pay a fee but it's worth every damn cent.
*sends link*
Pran: Thanks man! I’ll check it out tonight.
After a few months of talking nearly everyday, Pat asked if he’d like to meet up and hang out, maybe try out a few rounds at the circuit. Pran skillfully dodged by saying he’s currently on an exchange program where he’s in another province for the remainder of the school year.
Pat: New school, huh? New pool of potentials as well? 😈
Pran: My pool in school always tends to be on the smaller side. I’m gay…
Pat: Oh cool! I’m pansexual.
Pran: That is cool! When did you realize you didn’t mind genders?
Pat: Well, you see, I’m hot…
Pran: I see being humble isn’t part of your virtues……
Pat: Hey, it is what it is 🦾 Anyway, I’m hot, and buff, and I get hit on by every gender. Found out that I didn’t mind it.
Pran: Can I PAY you to be less confident?
Pat: Nothing can dim my hotness, baby.
Pran: Yuck! 😖
Pat: Haha, ok kee ding. Though not really. When you meet me, brace yourself, boy. My looks will bowl you over.
Pat: Fan??
30 minutes later
Pat: Fannnn!!! Come back!
Due to the anonymity, both boys find it easier to share things they don’t usually share with anyone else. It started with small things. The way they both respect and provide space for the other party to just be who they need to be, and to reply in a way that provides comfort and acceptance made them start trusting each other more.
Pran: Hey, what’s wrong? The famous Mes ego is absent today. You’ve been messaging funny since this morning. Spill!
Pat: ………
Pran: ??
Pat: My Pa. He found out I skipped class to audition for a role in a series today. Let’s just say he wasn’t impressed.
Pran: Wow, Mes, you’re interested in Performing Arts? Being an Actor? Sorry to hear about your Pa. Parental expectations are hard.
Pat: Always been drawn to performing. Wanted to give it a try and see if anything could come out of it. But even if it did, my Pa made it clear that it’s not an option.
Pran: You reckon you could maybe try it in University? Join the club. Audition for plays. There’s still different ways to try it out if you really wanted to.
Pat: Yeah, you’re right. I’ll look into it when I get to Uni.
Pran: Rooting for ya, buddy!
It’s been nearly 6 months of constant messaging everyday. Pat thanks the Gods that he did successfully find a friend that could be a trusted confidante. It may have only been 6 months but Fan has never been anything but decent, kind, compassionate and freaking fun to talk to. At the back of his head, he realizes this is something he’s always seen in Pran but never got to experience. Pran is kind and caring to all his friends, even to Pat, to a point. With Pat, he was more of a sensitive, hissy cat who reluctantly paid him attention and was mostly scowling and frowning his way. But even then, Pran would still take care of him.
With Fan, he got treated like a friend and received emotional support with no hidden agenda and no need to hide. His current classmates at his school were good friends too, but he still remembers their stares of dismay, the whispers behind his back. How many blamed him for Pran’s departure. How the guilt ate him up and left him spinning, not knowing how to deal with the overwhelming feelings Pran’s sudden departure left him with.
Fan was a clean slate. Someone who did not know of his past and would never bring up things that were still open wounds in his soul. He hoped this friendship would only continue to grow and strengthen. He really likes Fan. Lately, it hasn’t been as depressingly lonely as it had been after Pran left.
For Pran, he is always surprised that the universe made him meet Mes through the app. Mes turned out to be a gem in disguise. While Pran is thankful for Wai and Beam, he still kept parts of himself hidden from them. With Mes, he seemed like a kindred spirit who GOT him. He feels seen and understood in a way he hasn’t felt since…since Pat.
Talking and joking with Mes allows Pran to push thoughts of Pat all the way to the back recesses of his mind. More and more, Pran finds that his thoughts don’t stray to Pat as often. He clings to this friendship with Mes like a lifeline. Their interactions are starting to fill up that void in him, little by little. Healing him. Bringing back the parts of him that he thought are dead and gone.
Throughout their interactions, they do find many instances where the other reminds them of Pat and Pran. But Mes is an only child who is pansexual (Pat only ever went out with girls) and is interested in performing arts (Pat at 10 scoffed and said acting was not a proper job - due to his Pa’s influence but Pran didn’t know that) and is past 6 feet. Even if Pat had a growth spurt, he didn’t think Pat would ever reach that height, Ming wasn’t that tall!
On the other hand, Pat gets confused by how Pran-like Fan can be, but he knows Fan has a sister, and is gay (Pran was a buttoned up, monk like, stick in the mud, straight and narrow kind, he’d never have slept around like Fan did), and is only at another province for an exchange program. There’s no way this could be Pran. But Pat is so thankful to get a Pran like person, who likes having him as a friend.
Pran mentions that he will be back in Bangkok for University. They find out that they’re both interested in attending South Tech, both saying that it’s one of the options they’re looking at (it’s not an option, they both want to get in, this is pretty much the only uni they’re looking at).
Pat : Wow, just imagine, in less than a few months, you’ll be able to see this hotness for yourself.
Pran : Pfft. You’re building it up so much I may end up laughing in your face.
Pat : Hey!! 😤
Pran : Ah ah ah, fine fine. My friend is a mass of muscle that’s also handsome as hell and can charm the pants off anyone.
Pat : You just reek of sarcasm, you ass!
Pran : Thank God you caught on!
Pat : What’re you looking forward to when you come back to Bangkok? Let me know, Hia will take you there.
Pran : Hia my foot, you dick!
Pat : No dicks allowed to be involved! If you want dicks, YOU take me out for dinner first!!
Pran : OMG Imma block you!!!
Pat : Fan??
1 hour later
Pat : Fannnnn!!!! Stop blocking me!!! You’re just gonna unblock me by tomorrow.
…..Fan????!!!!
They’ve been accepted into South Tech, both sharing which course they had enrolled in. They’re both excited to finally meet face to face and get to hang out in person rather than just online.
Pran : And how are we supposed to recognise each other? There are thousands of students in our faculties.
Pat : Aou, come on Fan. It’ll be fun!! We’ll put a time limit on this. One week to see who can find the other person and take a picture of them. Winner gets to choose which extreme sport we’ll go do first!
Pran : We don’t even know what the other person sounds like! And we still don’t know each other’s real names!! 😂 Fine, bet I’ll be able to find your sorry ass within the first few days.
Pat : Huh! I’ll be the one sending a picture of YOUR sorry ass! Though from what you tell me, all the boys loved your ass, so it might be a cute ass instead.
Pran : If you could see me now, my eyes have rolled so far back, I may have temporarily gone blind!
Pat : Hey, you love my flirting!
Pran : When the hell have I EVER said that??!!
Pat : Well, you don’t say it….but you’ve never asked me to stop either
*gif of waggling eyebrows*
Pran : ……..
Pat : Fan?? Did you block me AGAIN??!! God, you’re so cute! Why are you always blocking me when you get shy??!!
*gif of puppy rolling on floor laughing*
Pat : Fan, seriously….get your ass back here! Fannnn!!!!
Wai had gotten into South Tech too, on a full scholarship, the 3 friends celebrating their university admissions that night. Beam was staying at Chiang Mai but looked forward to visiting them at Bangkok once they settled into Uni life.
“So Mes is going to South Tech too? I’m actually looking forward to meeting this guy! He sounds alright! Should we catch up for dinner during orientation week? I should thank him in person for those recommendations he gave me. Definitely one of the reasons why I aced the tests and got the full scholarship.” Wai says, as he nurses a cold beer in his hands.
Pran shakes his head, not realizing how fond he looks as he takes a long chug of his beer, “Nah, we’ve got a new bet going on.”
Wai and Beam groan.
“One week to find the other person first and take a picture to post on our chat. Winner gets to choose which extreme sport we'll be doing.”
Beam frowns in confusion, “I REALLY do not get the enthusiasm you two have for your many varied bets you have going on. Isn’t it tiring??”
“Dude!” Wai interrupts and good naturedly pats Pran’s shoulder, halfway drunk already, “This is like foreplay for them.”
Pran chokes on his drink.
“Normal people flirt and then confess, you know, make their intentions clear. Theeeese two, on the other hand, flirt and make bets and keep the suspense going for as long as possible. How they don’t feel edged is a mystery to me.”
Beam slaps Pran’s back harder as he coughs, some beer coming out of his nose. Wai waves a serviette at his face and Pran takes it, wiping his nose furiously while glaring at Wai, unable to form the words because he’s still coughing and hacking.
“He’s just a friend, Wai!!”
“Yeah, yeah, you keep telling yourself that, bud!”
That night, Pran lays in bed, not as drunk as he would have liked to be. He is too affected by Wai’s words, which sobered him right up and needed to face some truths about himself. He has been ignoring it, choosing not to look too deeply into his interactions with Mes, but if Wai & Beam can see it, he is sure Mes can too.
They may have started out only looking for friendship, but this thing they had going on has morphed into something more. Pran can even pinpoint the exact day he accepted that he had already grown romantic feelings for his friend.
Pat : So you liked him for so long and he never realized it? What a dumbass!!
Pran : Haha yeah, he’s so smart yet so dumb. It always amazed me how he could be top of the class yet be so freaking oblivious.
Pat : Of course you’d go for the smart ones. 😏
Pran : Hey, stop insulting my type. Do you want me to get into yours???
Pat : Fine, fine Khun Fan!!! Waving the white flag here. We don’t need to be talking bout how many times I’ve been taken advantage of.
Pran : Well, it says more about them than it does about you, doesn’t it?! People like that may have taught you a lesson but karma will get them. Whereas I’m sure you can only go up from here. They didn’t deserve you, Mes. You’re a great guy! I’m sure you’ll meet someone who deserves you soon.
Pat : …..maybe I already have…..
Pat : Aaaanyway, which Universities are you looking into? Are you only applying to Uni’s in Bangkok? Or casting a wider net?
Mes had always been flirtatious, Pran had gotten used to receiving all sorts of cheesy pickup lines and reading all sorts of innuendos from him. He never took it seriously because it felt like it was just a part of Mes’ charm. Something he did unintentionally, part of his makeup.
But sometimes the lines are delivered a tad too sincerely to be brushed off as a joke. It is written in a way that is too sweet and is delivered seriously. Pran is scared to hope. This guy is the first and only person who has EVER successfully made him open his heart. To make him forget about Pat and focus on Mes instead. To make him seriously think about an actual, fucking relationship. Commitment. Having him in his future.
Suddenly, Pran can’t wait for time to pass so that he can move back home and get ready for University.
Pat has been looking forward to starting university ever since he found out Fan has gotten into the same one as him. He wonders what Fan looks like, if he’s as cute as he is online. Pat knows he’s got it bad. No one has ever made him feel like this. He feels so much more himself than he’s ever been since Pran left.
Fan has helped heal parts of him he didn’t know needed healing. He’s been upping the ante on his flirting, and even though Fan sometimes complained and ran away, he could feel the other boy’s interest and care for him as well.
When they finally meet, he’s going to pursue Fan properly, let him know how much he likes him. Now if only time would go faster, so that he can make this happen as quickly as possible.
Fierce Eyes and The Warrior
Pat flies back and falls to the ground, gasping in pain as the guy who just joined their fight fucking kicks him in the chest. Ignoring the pain, knowing there’s going to be a god awful bruise tomorrow, he swings to his side and stands up, only to come face to face with….PRAN.
Both boys stare in shock and horror, realizing that their faculties are fighting each other and that they are back, once again, in a position of being rivals. A shrill whistle screams out and everyone is madly scrambling to get out of there.
Pat grips Pran’s wrist and drags him away, running to a hiding spot he recently found. Pran is resisting and nearly yelling for him to let him go. Pushing him into the tight opening between the buildings and clamping a hand onto his mouth, Pat shushes him, finally looking back to face Pran, noticing his big, brown eyes staring back at him with so many questions in them.
They can hear the guards near them and they both keep quiet, trying their best to blend into the walls and hope the guards don’t see them. The adrenaline is slowing down, making both of them aware of just how much their bodies are pressed up against each other, chests heaving, legs touching.
Pran can’t get his mind to function properly, all that’s bouncing off the walls in his mind right now is how fucking ripped Pat has gotten. He can feel the muscles beneath his Engineering uniform, and how the fuck has he gotten so tall? He also lost all his baby fat, sharp planes on his face, a glint in his eyes that Pran has never seen before. This Pat isn’t the puppy like, perpetually jovial sunshine of a guy he left back when they were 15.
The guards run past and they breathe a sigh of relief. Pran reaches out and tries to push Pat’s hand away from his face but damnit, Pat is so much stronger now. He doesn’t move an inch. Pran needs to get the fuck out, they are too fucking close.
“When did you get back?” Pat asks quietly, finally removing his hand.
Pran pushes at him and escapes from the space in the wall.
“None of your fucking business!” Pran snarls. “And stay the fuck away from me!!” he warns as he stalks off, leaving Pat staring after him, a closed off expression on his face, still reeling from seeing Pran again.
Pran can’t believe it. Why does the Universe keep fucking with him. Why did he have to see Pat again? He was doing so well. He finally has a crush on someone else. He….his palms are sweaty and his heart is racing. He can’t stop thinking about how good Pat looks. But his eyes aren’t the same anymore, why do they have shadows of pain behind them. Who hurt Pat? What happened to him?
Pat Pat Pat.
Fuck!
He gets back to his dorm and calls Wai, ripping him a new one. What the hell did he do to get the Engineering 1st years to come at them. Wai whines and complains about how they were in the wrong, and that they came to harass him at the bar where he worked. They deserved the “greeting” (finger) he gave them.
Pran is aware of the rocky history between their faculties and swears. He manages to get Wai to promise to be on his best behavior, using his Scholarship to make sure he curbs his temper in the future.
Shia, Pran wonders if Mes knows Pat, since they are in the same faculty. Or worse, could Mes have been there just now? Joining in the fight? He can’t deal with this right now. His head aches, he has a ton of preparations to do and extra duties as Architecture’s student president. He heads to his couch to plop down onto it and settles in to take a nap.
The next 3 days get progressively worse as Pran finds out Pat is President of Engineering for his class during a Student Council Meeting. They are then called into Professor Pichai’s office to be dressed down about the fight yesterday. That the Professor will hold them personally accountable should anything else happen between their faculties.
“Hey, we need to talk!” Pat says as they exit the office.
Pran just glares at him and Pat sighs, “Look, we need to work together to stop both of our faculties from continuing to go for each other’s throats!”
“We don’t need to work together at all! You take care of your side and I’ll take care of mine!”
Both their mobiles ring simultaneously and they pick up. Only to stare right back at each other as they exclaim into their phones, “Alai the fuck?!”
They’re both back at Professor Pichai’s office not one hour later, together with their bruised and battered friends, being dressed down even more harshly.
“I don’t care how you do it but you better make sure the new bus stop is better than the previous one, otherwise ALL of you are expelled!” Professor Pichai screams, at his wits end with these hooligans.
He slams the door on his way out of his office, muttering about needing a strong drink and that this is why he doesn’t have kids.
Wordlessly, Pat places his hand out, his mobile in his palm with the QR code ready to be scanned. Wordlessly Pran takes out his own mobile and scans the code and they both get a ping on their phones announcing that they have added a friend on Line. They then take turns to file out of the room, with their friends in tow, their heads hanging low in shame and embarrassment.
Pat & Pran have both been so busy since starting Uni (the fight happened on Day 2) and then needing to deal with their faculty rivalry that they haven't had much time to message each other as Mes and Fan.
They need to deal with the bus stop issue first, in addition to the mounting homework from their courses and their duties as Department Heads. Pat (Mes) had messaged Pran (Fan) to ask if they could extend the deadline from one week to three as some stuff happened and he needs to focus on that for now. Pran was more than happy to agree, equally overwhelmed and busy with everything.
Pat & Pran also start messaging each other to work out a plan for the bus stop and how to ensure their friends stop fighting each other. The 8 of them meet at the library meeting room and manage to spend 20 minutes together without breaking out into a fight.
In truth, Wai is afraid that his scholarship would be revoked and that they would all be expelled. He feels guilty for causing this much drama and has apologized to his friends for dragging them into this.
When they meet up, Wai has also apologized to the Engineering side about flipping them off. After a hard nudge from Pat, Korn (the bushy eyed ponytailed asshole) also apologizes for giving Wai a hard time at his workplace and uploading the video.
Now that they’ve cleared the air, they need to get down to business to rebuild the bus stop. Everyone is to go home and think up a plan and come back to discuss tomorrow. Safe, Louis, Chang and Mo find out that they stay in the same building and say their goodbyes, walking back together, already discussing possible solutions for the bus stop.
Korn has a rental a bit further away and asks Wai where he lives. Turns out it is on his way and he can drop Wai off on motorbike, rather than him waiting for the bus in this hot weather. Recognising it as a peace offering, Wai accepts and they head off towards the parking lot.
Pran starts heading towards his accommodation, ignoring Pat and turning to give Pat a death stare when Pat follows behind him.
Scowling, Pran asks, “What the hell do you think you’re doing??
Blinking in surprise, Pat paused, then let out a sharp laugh.
“Pran, I’m heading home. This is the way to my home.” He gestures at the path they’re on.
Raising his eyebrows, Pran thinks about it. There’s really no reason for Pat to lie. He huffs out a breath and continues his way back, noticing Pat’s grin from the corner of his eye as Pat hurries to walk in step with him.
“NO FUCKING WAY.” Pran exclaims, in disbelief as Pat holds up his key to prove that he REALLY does stay in the dorm opposite his.
Pran is already getting pissed when they enter the same building, then starts hissing at Pat about not taking a joke too far when he presses on the floor to Pran’s dorm. Then he straight up threatens Pat with bodily harm if he continues walking down the corridor with him. Pat ignores him and just walks ahead, stopping right in front of Pran’s door.
Pat is laughing uncontrollably at Pran’s bewildered expression. Wiping tears from his eyes, Pat chokes out, “Looks like we’re neighbors again!”
Pran just slams his door shut in his face as an answer.
Pran feels conflicted. Ever since Pat came back into his life (3 freaking days), he’s been questioning his crush on Mes. The feelings for Pat have come back in full force, especially since he needs to constantly be in contact with Pat. Getting to know the updated version of him. Pran finds that he still likes him. He seems to like any and every version of Pat. He’s such a fucking idiot.
Pat is so happy that Pran is back in his life. He never admitted, even to himself, how much he missed Pran. A vaguely guilty feeling hounds him as he thinks about how he hasn’t been messaging Fan much these last few days. Most of his waking thoughts have been full of Uni work and Pran. He feels a bit remorseful to Fan but thinks he may need to reevaluate his feelings, if he’s so caught up with Pran and keeps thinking about his old dimpled rival.
He messages Fan and asks to meet up, forgoing the bet as too many things have happened and he wasn’t sure if he would have time to properly focus on their bet.
Fan replies quickly and agrees, stating that things have happened over on his side as well.
Typing out his building address (but without the room number), Pat asks Fan if he lives near here and whether it would be convenient to drop by this building tonight.
Fan takes a longer time to reply but after 20 minutes, says that he lives close by and that he can come meet tonight. Would 8pm suit him?
Pat gives directions to the rooftop and says he’ll wait for Fan there.
Fell in Love with You Again Even When I Didn’t Know It Was You
Pran can’t believe Mes lives in the same building! He doesn’t know whether he should acknowledge this as fate or some fucked up conspiracy. Is the Universe trying to mess him up some more?? He’s already feeling so overwhelmed and confused.
He busies himself with laundry and preparing dinner. But he doesn't eat much as his stomach is churning and he feels sick. How is he this nervous? He’s just meeting a friend. A friend he has been chatting with for more than a year now.
Pran keeps glancing at the clock, unsure if he wants the time to speed up or slow down. He has already finished washing up, even doing a quick vacuum around the room. Maybe a shower will help.
It did not help. The shower allowed him even more time and space to focus on the impending meet up on the roof. What is he expecting out of this? If you asked him a week ago, he would have said he is thrilled and very much looking forward to meeting Mes. Hoping that it might lead to something more.
Now. Now he’s not sure anymore. Thanks to a certain excitable dog that came barreling back into his life. Upending his carefully thought out plans and making a mess out of his emotions. Muddling his mind with thoughts of him when Pran was SO SURE that he was FINALLY getting over Pat.
Fuck this shit!
It’s 7.30. He can’t take it anymore. The walls in his dorm room feel like it’s closing in on him. Pran takes his keys and mobile and heads out.
The evening is turning chilly and Pran is only in a thin t-shirt. He looks at his watch. 7.45pm. He’s been scrolling through his phone, leaning against the wall directly opposite the entrance. He’s starting to feel cold but doesn't want to go back down to get a jacket. While he debates on whether he should or not, the door swings open and Pran turns towards the entrance in anticipation.
Pat walks through the door and they both stare at each other, Pran in disbelief and Pat in shock. Pat has stopped in his tracks, the door closing softly behind him.
“What are you doing here?” Pat asks, voice strangely squeaky.
“Why can’t I? Do you own the place??” Pran replies, indignant, awkward and wondering WHY, WHY Pat has to show up right now.
Pat shakes his head, huffs and walks to the other side of the rooftop. His face looks constipated.
Pran returns to his position by the wall and tries to look nonchalant while scrolling through his phone again, but his mind is buzzing and he is trying to think up ways to get Pat to leave, damn it.
A few minutes pass, both of them staying at their respective corners, idly scrolling, totally not being obvious about sneakily glancing at each other every now and then. Pat seems to be going through something…unpleasant. His facial expressions are all over the place.
At first, he looks like he needs to figure something out.
His eyes widen, he purses his lips, then he squints, his eyes go round again, his brows draw together.
What the hell is he watching on his mobile, Pran wonders.
Whatever it is, it must be a hell of a clip because Pat’s face blanches, a soft audible gasp leaving his slack mouth. He glances at Pran and Pran darts his eyes back to his screen, scrolling faster.
Something akin to recognition dawns on Pat’s face. Pran is still looking down but he briefly lifts his eyes towards Pat again. WHAT is going on? Pat’s face seems flushed and he’s biting his lips. Pran is getting worried.
Pat looks straight at him, eyes looking a bit wet. It makes Pran so confused that he forgets to look away, staring back at Pat with concern.
Pat glances down at his mobile again before heaving a big breath out.
“You didn’t leave,” he mutters softly.
It’s quiet on the rooftop and his voice carries. But Pran doesn’t understand, “What? What do you mean?”
“Everytime you see me, you usually can’t wait to leave,” Pat says, his voice getting louder, stronger.
“It’s 7.55, a whole 10 minutes and you’re just standing there, suddenly able to tolerate my presence for more than 1 minute.”
Spluttering, Pran defends himself, “I’ve been in your presence for more than 1 minute! How do you think we’ve handled our friends and this fucking faculty rivalry??”
“Yeah, that’s only when a teacher is involved or our friends are there. Never alone.”
Pran just scoffs, not able to refute because he’s right.
“You know, I had a fucking horrible time after you left.”
Frowning, Pran snarls back, “YOU had a horrible time? Why? Did you get thrown away to a place where you knew no one, with no say in the matter and had to start all over by yourself? Oh, of course not, that was ME. And you have the balls to say YOU had a horrible time?”
Pran has stalked over to Pat, pointed finger digging into his pectoral muscle.
Pat closes his hand over the offending digit, so gentle that Pran’s brows snap together as he pulls his finger out of Pat’s grasp and takes a step back.
“I never looked too closely at why I felt so horrible. Why I acted out the way I did.”
“Makes sense now!” Pat breathes out, chuckling bitterly.
“What the fuck are you talking about?!”
“I didn’t like it!” Pat steps towards Pran, closing the distance but Pran shuffles backwards, needing more space between them.
“I didn’t like that you weren’t there when I looked across our roof. I didn’t like that you weren’t there to compete with me and give me a dimpled grin when you win.”
Pat continues moving towards Pran and Pran is nearly at the wall.
“Pat, stop it!” he pleads as he turns his head to see that there’s no more going back and he’s now backed against the wall next to the entrance.
“I didn’t like your absence from my life. It made me depressingly lonely.”
“Pat, stop doing this to me! We are not a thing. We’re not even friends!”
“Not even friends?” Pat says, raising an eyebrow.
He checks his phone and uses the other hand to place it next to Pran’s head, leaning closer, mouth in a half smirk, his eyes fierce. Pran stills as if a deer caught in headlights.
“It’s 8.03, Pran. There’s no one here except us.
Pran’s pupils dilate and a flash of understanding lights in his eyes.
“No way…,” Pran whispers.
Pat takes out his phone and types something on it. Pran’s phone pings in his hand. It’s the notification sound for the Matched app.
“Check it." Pat orders.
Pran closes his eyes, his body trembling from more than the cold. He shakes his head slightly.
“Pran…,.” Pat says softly and sighs as he straightens and uses a thumb to swipe away the tear making its way down Pran’s cheek.
Pran turns his head and Pat takes his hand away. When Pran turns back, his tear filled eyes are accusatory. Fear and anger cloud his features.
“This is a fucking joke!” he rasps out, the tears clogging his throat.
Pat is starting to get angry himself.
“Why? Because we’re good together? Because we can enjoy each other's company and get along so well when we don’t have our parents' expectations hanging over our heads?”
“You know what happened the last time they thought we were friends!!”
“Yeah, and we’re now past that. They sent you away and we somehow STILL got put together. And it was good. Why are you fighting this?”
Pran lets out an incredulous gasp, “You can’t seriously be asking me that?!”
“It was HELL for me, you asshole!”
Tears start streaming down his face and Pat immediately folds, wanting to comfort him but knowing he’s not allowed.
Pran pushes at Pat’s chest, hard, making him take 2 steps back.
“Never again! I’m never going back there again, Pat! Do you know how hard I fought to climb, tooth and nail, out of that pit?”
Pran’s body is trembling from the force of the emotions overtaking him. Memories of being enveloped in darkness with no way out.
“Everyday, I needed to force myself to want to live. To just get through that day and try again the next. Desperate to feel something other than constant pain. Constant darkness. I didn’t know how to be happy anymore, Pat.”
Pat is crying, his hands keep wanting to reach out to comfort Pran, aborted jerky movements as he keeps reminding himself to respect Pran’s space.
“I didn’t know how to feel normal. Not even happy but just, like a functional person. It scared me. I was only 15, a fucking kid.”
Pran is bent in half as if he can’t hold himself up. The weight of the pain and memories crushing him into the ground. He uses his forearm to roughly wipe away the tears.
“I didn’t know if I would ever be ok. To be able to forgive my mum. To stop being angry at you. I didn’t know if my whole life was destined to be stuck in that hell!!”
Pran is sobbing and can hardly get his words out. He’s down on one knee, both hands on the ground, shakily holding himself up.
“Fuck it!” Pat says as he kneels down and gathers Pran into his arms, pulling the sobbing boy against him, one arm around his waist to support him to stay up and the other arm around his shoulders, hand at the nape of Pran’s neck, slotting Pran’s face into the crook of his own neck.
Pran melts into him, body pliant but wrecked with sobs. Pat rubs his back and makes soothing noises, regretting his earlier words and actions.
“I’m sorry, Pran, I’m sorry,” Pat says desperately, full of anguish for causing Pran to suffer like this.
They stay melded together, Pat whispering words of apology, of comfort, of how much Pran means to him, while holding him tighter and stroking his hair. Pran cries into Pat’s shoulder, releasing years of trauma, acknowledging that he fucking fell for the same guy he was trying to forget, accepting that he will never love anyone else like he loves Pat.
It’s been an hour and Pat notices that Pran is shivering, the night air getting colder. The loud, wrecking sobs have subsided into soft sniffles. Pran has even wrapped both arms around Pat, holding him just as tightly.
“Pran?” Pat whispers into his ear.
“Hmm…?” comes the watery reply.
“You’re cold! Let’s go back to your dorm?” Pat asks tentatively.
“Ok…,” Pran answers in a small voice.
His knees hurt like hell and he can’t imagine that Pran’s fare any better. He stands while also lifting Pran and they both get up, gracelessly and then awkwardly letting go. Pat takes Pran’s hand and leads him down.
They’re silent all the way to Pran’s dorm room. Once inside, Pran mutters about going to wash his face and Pat nods and goes to sit on the couch, taking in his room. It’s so Pran. His smiley faces are there and bits and pieces that scream Pran decorate the room.
Soon, Pran is shuffling to the kitchen, looking nervous, hands shaking as he gets a drink of water. Pat gives him a small smile and pats the sofa, indicating for Pran to come sit next to him. Pran chews on his bottom lip the entire way towards Pat, choosing to sit right at the end of the sofa, leaving plenty of space between them.
They turn toward each other and Pran hands a glass of water to Pat who drinks it up quickly.
The thud of the glass being put down on the table breaks the silence.
“You know I like you!” Pat says, intense and serious.
Good God, Pran thinks as he looks away, the look in Pat’s eyes is too much for him to handle. Why does this guy not know how to LEAD UP to things? He’s going to die of a heart attack long before they can get to the bottom of this.
Pat shuffles nearer and takes Pran’s hands in his. Pran has a mini freakout even though they had just been plastered against each other for an hour not 10 minutes ago. His eyes are darting everywhere, not knowing where to look.
Pat lets loose a muffled laugh, hiding behind his hand.
“If we were online, you’d have blocked me and left me hanging for the rest of the night.”
Pran slaps at Pat’s knee, which has sidled up to his thigh, “Well, what do you expect when you drop bombs like that out of nowhere??!!”
Pat is smiling at Pran, so endeared that Pran’s brain goes haywire. He can’t process the amount of affection Pat is showing on his face for him. That Pat is looking at Pran LIKE THAT. This is bad for his heart.
“Pran…,” Pat says, going back into serious mode, taking both of Pran’s hands again and caressing them with his thumbs.
“I really do like you. Even before I knew you as Fan. One day, I’ll tell you about what your leaving did to me. But please believe me when I say I’ve liked you for a long, long time.”
Looking at their tightly clasped hands, Pran looks back at Pat, “I’m scared…..,”
“Ok, if we look at the worst case scenario of them forcing you to leave again, I promise, it’ll be different this time. We’re older, we have more agency. Even if they did send you away, they can’t keep you away forever. Look at how well it went, they sent you to Chiang Mai and within 2 years, we’re talking again, everyday too. Our interactions were more intimate than if they had just let you stay in Bangkok.”
“Also, we work damn well together. It might take more planning and maneuvering, but I’m certain we’ll be able to keep our relationship a secret until we’re more independent.”
“Once we start working, they really won’t be able to do much at all. I mean, what else could happen? We would be able to rent our own place and survive on our own. We won’t be relying on them for anything anymore.”
“All I’m asking for is patience for the next few years. A chance to show you we can do this. That I’ll be worth it!”
Pran laughs out loud at that.
“There’s the famous Mes ego. I haven’t heard that for a while now.”
Pat grins broadly at Pran, reaching out to pinch his chin lightly.
“I’ll make sure I remind you of that ego everyday then.”
“Whadyu say? Give us a chance?”
Pran thinks about how he tried to forget about the feelings he has for this boy before him. How that failed so spectacularly. How happy he’s been this past year, talking and doing life with Pat. How he doesn't want to lose that. How he already yearns to feel loved by Pat. To see this look on Pat’s face everyday, love shining out of his eyes, especially for him.
As an answer, Pran takes his right hand out of Pat’s tight grasp, smiling at Pat’s quizzical, questioning stare. He reaches over and clasps Pat’s nape and holds him still as he crashes his mouth onto his.
A Few Hours Later
“Well, I can vouch that you do indeed have the cutest ass in the world.” Pat says drowsily, still coming down from the high of cumming four times.
Pran slaps him hard.
“Owww!!! Pran!”
“Don’t think just because we’re together now I won’t smack you when you’re being insufferable!!”
“Geez, kinky much?”
Pran tries to bury him under his pillow.
Pat manhandles him and holds him tightly to his side, Pran’s head on his shoulder and his arm around his waist. They’re both sated and clean, snuggling together under the covers.
They’re also extremely exhausted from all the emotional turmoil from the evening and then the aggressive fucking (it became tender after the third round), they can barely keep their eyes open but keep wanting to stretch out their first night together. The length of time between their replies are getting longer, their voices rough and sluggish.
Pran finally gives in, pressing a kiss onto Pat’s neck, pressing closer into him and murmuring, “Need to sleep now…,”
“Ok, I love you.” Pran hears Pat whisper at the top of his head, before proceeding to drop a kiss on it.
“Love you too.” he sleepily responds, falling asleep with a soft smile on his face.