Work Text:
Electro had decided to take control of Oscorp’s latest power plant innovation, so Peter had gone swinging out the living room window just as Wade had walked into the apartment with a stack of pizzas meant to be dinner. The mercenary had set the boxes on the kitchen table near Matt and asked where the fire was. A shrug and “Electro” had been the simple response.
Hours later, Peter came trudging through the door, pulling off his mask and tossing it in the general direction of the sofa. He ignored the variety of pizzas that had been left out for him in the kitchen, only thinking of the bed he shared with the other two men. If Matt and his sensitive nose wouldn’t hate him for it, he wasn’t sure he would have even bothered with stripping his suit off on the way to the bedroom. About halfway down the hall, though, he paused.
A loud groan escaped through the open door of the bedroom at the end of the hall, followed by a growled out “move, damn it.” Usually when he came home to this, he simply opted to retreat to the couch until they were finished. Simply because they sometimes got a little rough and the king size bed somehow didn’t always have enough room. But tonight, the couch just wasn’t going to happen. Peter wanted to sleep in his bed, and his two nymphomaniacs weren’t going to stop him.
He shucked the rest of his suit off and left it by the door of the laundry closet and padded barefoot in his boxers down the rest of the hallway. From the door, he could see the silhouette of Matt’s legs framing Wade’s body. The mercenary was fucking harshly into Matt, earning a slew of curse words from the blind man as the bed rocked slightly with the rough movement. Wade had leaned down and Peter could faintly hear him murmuring into Matt’s ear over the sound of skin hitting skin.
The younger man walked into their large shared closet and found a pair of pajama pants, not caring whom they belonged to. Now, somewhat clothed, he made his way to the unoccupied side of the bed and slid in beneath the sheets and the comforter. Matt started to acknowledge him, but it was lost in a moan after Wade bit the underside of his jaw. Peter just rolled his eyes and shifted so that he was lying with his back to them and closed his eyes.
He’d been lying there for a while, trying and failing to block out the animalistic sounds his partners were making, when Wade groaned in a way that told Peter he’d climaxed. He could feel the shift in the bed that signified the mercenary moving to remove himself and settle just behind Peter. He started to think that he was finally going to be able to actually sleep. That was, until Matt growled “don’t you dare” and Wade was forced onto his back, almost landing on Peter, and Matt sank back onto him.
“Jesus Christ!” Peter almost shouted, sitting up to look at the two. Wade had taken hold of Matt’s hips and his eyes were closed. Both were making unbelievably obscene sounds, one from overstimulation and the other from mounting pleasure. “Some people are trying to fucking sleep. Unlike you ANIMALS, I was working tonight.”
“Sorry, Peter,” Matt groaned even as he leaned down to kiss Wade.
“Not sorry.” Wade quickly countered. Peter huffed and lay back down, but not before grabbing his pillow and jamming it over his head.
By the time they’d calmed down enough for Peter to actually fall asleep, the clock on his nightstand had read 2:47. He was going to kill them.
That night’s events repeated themselves more than a few times over the course of the next month. A different villain, a different plot, but Peter kept coming home to Matt and Wade screwing like rabbits. It didn’t happen every time, but it was more often than he’d like. They respected his lack of interest, only including him in the parts of the relationship that he wanted to be involved in. And it was clear that they tried to keep their sex life limited to when he wasn’t there, but lately it was getting a little ridiculous and Peter was getting very tired of it.
When their movie night was interrupted by Rhino’s latest bank heist, Peter left Matt and Wade lounging on the couch in front of Jurassic Park. He’d promised that he’d be back as soon as he could, though he had a feeling he knew what he would be coming back to. Wade had been particularly touchy throughout the day, and Peter would bet his next five Bugle paychecks that he wouldn’t be sleeping particularly well once he got back.
Peter was surprised when he opened the door to silence. The living room was empty, the TV was off, and all evidence of the dinner they’d eaten was gone. He dropped his mask onto the couch as he passed it, still listening for the noise he was expecting to hear. But as he neared the bedroom, he caught the familiar sound of Wade’s light snoring. His eyebrows rose, and he leaned against the doorframe to take off his shoes as he watched his partners sleep. Matt was curled up against Wade’s back, holding him close against him. They looked peaceful, and Peter was going to have absolutely none of that.
He walked back to the kitchen and found the two biggest pans he could find, Wade’s prized wok and their huge frying pan. He made sure his web slingers were still secure as he walked back to the bedroom. Peeking back inside, he could see that neither of them had moved at all and he grinned to himself. He raised both up in front of him and slammed them together. The resounding crash startled both Matt and Wade awake. Peter kept banging them together until Wade shouted over the noise.
“What the hell, Peter?” he yelled as Matt clapped his hands over his ears.
“I DIDN’T GET NO SLEEP CAUSE O’ Y’ALL! Y’ALL GET NO SLEEP CAUSE O’ ME!” Peter continued slamming the pans together until Wade lunged at him, trying to get the pans away. Peter simply used his web shooters to swing himself up onto the ceiling, where he kept making as much noise as possible.
“That’s my wok!” Wade growled, getting up on the bed to try and grab Peter again. “You’re going to dent it!” He jumped and caught one of Peter’s wrists, and the weight was enough to pull him off of the ceiling. They landed roughly on the bed, almost on top of Matt.
“Hey!” the blind man shouted. “Will you two stop before you hurt someone? Namely me.”
Peter froze and lowered the pans that he’d still been trying to bang together despite Wade having both arms wrapped around Peter’s to try and stop him. When he was sure that Peter wasn’t going to start making a racket again, he slowly let go and somewhat gently pushed the younger man off of him.
“Sorry, Matt,” Peter murmured. “You do realize, though, that this was entirely justified. I’ve been coming back from emergencies to you two going at it like it was your last night on earth for weeks. All I want to do is sleep, but I can’t when you two are having sex all the time.”
“You could have just said something Pete. Instead of potentially killing our kitchenware,” Wade said.
“Where’s the fun in that?”
“Can we just agree that we won’t have sex every time you go off to save the city and that you won’t do that again?” Matt asked, head turned towards them both.
“I can agree to that,” Peter said. He shifted to get up and picked up the pans again. “Now, I’ll take these back to the kitchen and then we can all get some sleep, okay?”
“I was sleeping.” Wade muttered softly as Peter padded out of the room. He and Matt settled themselves back into the sheets and were spooning again by the time Peter came back. He rolled his eyes at them and crossed the room to his side of the bed and climbed in. He tucked himself up close to Wade and the mercenary shifted to drape an arm over his waist.
“I love you both,” he murmured. He received mumbled replies and smiled as he closed his eyes.