Chapter Text
Other people have boyfriends or girlfriends. Han Jisung had his bias - and that was fine by him.
When he was diagnosed with anxiety at seventeen years old, his therapist recommended him finding a hobby - like journaling, knitting, drawing, going for walks or going out with friends - to distract him during times of high anxiety. But, Jisung was a shy high school student, he wasn’t about to get a gym membership or spend a bunch of money on a random hobby he probably wouldn’t even keep up with. But, he agreed having something to distract from the voices screaming in his head and panic at the most simple of daily tasks would be helpful.
That was when he found Stray Kids.
It was an idol group - something he really wasn’t interested in at all to begin with. He had a few girl friends throughout school who were into idols or groups throughout their middle school and high school years - he’d even downloaded a few songs, but he never understood their squeals of excitement or frantic whispers as they crowded around their phones to look at whatever new photo or video dropped of their faves. He thought the idols they loved were all kind of girly looking - with their makeup and flamboyant outfits, showing off their thin waists or muscular arms. He just didn’t really get it.
But, the three-member group, Stray Kids, caught his attention when he was scrolling YouTube, looking for something to watch as he had completely wiped out his subscriptions ‘to watch’ list. He noticed a thumbnail pop up with probably the most handsome person he had ever seen in his life. His finger danced over it, hesitating for a moment before clicking on the music video for “Wow.”
And yeah - ‘wow’ was definitely a way to describe it.
Jisung spent the entire night with his phone an inch from his face, curled up in his bed, barely breathing as he wiped through their entire, very small, discography and video selection.
He just wanted to know their names.
Yeah, he just wanted to know who the guys were who were making such good music.
Great music.
Jisung loved the music.
He definitely wasn’t absolutely head over heels in love with one of the boys in the group.
Absolutely not.
Jisung was straight - he didn’t find boys cute, nope, nope, nope.
He found out their names were Felix, Hyunjin, and Minho - and they were a group of dancers that had debuted as idols. They were only a few years older than him - which definitely didn’t make his pulse rate speed up, absolutely not - and only had a debut album and a single EP out. Jisung was finding them when their videos only had a few thousand views - before anyone had found out about them.
It made Jisung feel special - made him feel like he had found his own secret thing.
Maybe this was what his therapist was talking about - something fun to distract him.
And boy did it distract him.
It became his main coping mechanism as he finished up high school and cruised through college. When he felt overwhelmed walking the halls or on campus, hating the feeling of eyes on him or the press of bodies, always too close to him - he always turned to Stray Kids.
His parents got him noise canceling headphones when his therapist had explained to them about his social anxiety - and now, he would pull them from his neck over his head and blast the same songs over and over and over again. He found his pulse slowed down, letting him go to places he was always anxious about - the store, a new building on campus, to office hours to ask his professors questions so he wouldn’t fail out of university.
When he had a bad day, his first, comforting thought was going home or to his dorm to lay down and binge the new vlogs, videos, or lives his favorite boys had put out. He would pull on his comfiest hoodie, snuggle down in bed and giggle to himself as he watched through his endless playlists.
His college roommate was cute about his boy band obsession - telling him to hang up his posters even if they were “lame” and giving him the extra bookshelf their university gave him for Jisung to be able to display more albums, magazines, lightsticks, and other merch he had hoarded over the years. Jeongin would smile and nod along to Jisung’s ramblings - whenever he got excited, he just felt like he had to tell someone about it, or he would explode. Jeongin even let Jisung take over his aux often so he could play his music whenever they were lazing around the dorm.
Jeongin eventually got a boyfriend - Seungmin - who would come over nearly every day who Jisung also befriended pretty easily. Seungmin also thought Jisung was cute - comparing him to his sister and her love of boy bands - named Shinee. Jisung nearly squealed when Seungmin admitted he had heard of Stray Kids, and even had a few of their songs downloaded.
They had more than a few nights where Jisung would set up his TV and show them all of the music videos, dance practices, and cute videos he had saved. Jisung would curl up in his bed, pulling his blanket up to his chin to hide his absolute face-splitting grin as Seungmin and Jeongin pointed out what they liked.
“Who’s your favorite?” Seungmin asked one day, a few weeks into knowing his boyfriend’s roommate. “Like, who’s your bias?”
“Oh,” Jisung hummed noncommittally. “I like all of them - I’m ot3.”
“Nah,” Seungmin laughed, shaking his head. “Even when people say that, they always have a favorite.”
Jisung never told anyone his favorite member - he didn’t want anyone to see into his little bubble he had constructed around himself and the boy. The parasocial relationship with the member who had kept him going the last few years. Sure, he was aware it was probably unhealthy, he was aware that parasocial relationships were toxic and bad.
But, it didn’t keep him from giggling to himself whenever the oldest member went live - pretending he was on facetime or something with him. He saved every single one of his selfies, set his “boyfriend photos” as his phone background, and made it his goal to know every single there there was to know about him.
Because Lee Minho was perfect.
He was everything Jisung had ever wanted - in a partner (cause, yeah, Jisung had finally admitted he was gay - or, at least pansexual, or just Minhosexual), in a friend, and even in himself.
As much as he knew his obsession with the other was unhealthy, he also couldn’t stop, because his love for the other made him a better person too.
He would always think about how proud Minho would be of him for conquering his fear and anxiety whenever he did something new, talked to a classmate, or worked through an anxiety attack. He thought about how much the other discussed health and how important it was - and how that was the reason Jisung started eating better and going to the gym more. He started dressing better - inspired by the idol’s style - and most importantly, he worked hard at university because Minho was in college too, and if he could do it and be an idol, then Jisung could graduate, even if it was the hardest thing he’d ever done.
Sure, it was also why he would shyly look away whenever anyone was obviously flirting with him, and why he found it difficult to make friends because the only thing he wanted to talk about was Stray Kids. It was why he spent too much time on his phone - on instagram, twitter and tiktok - and why he said “no” to plans more often than not. But, he thought that was okay - cause Minho had helped him with so many other things.
It was only after he graduated that he finally debated if his coping mechanism had become a problem - that his obsession with the three boys of Stray Kids was something he should be trying to settle down with.
Because, while most people had put aside any interest in idols and kpop by the time they were graduating high school or college, Jisung continued to obsess just as much even as he moved into his new apartment and started his actual adult life.
When picking out his new housing he made sure there was a spot for his bookshelves so he could display everything he needed to, and have a cute spot for all of his things to hang on the wall above his desk. He ignored his parent’s judging looks as he decorated - this was his apartment - his first ever apartment - he could do what he wanted here.
“We’re so proud of you, sweetie,” his mom smiled when she visited Jisung a few weeks after he had settled into his little one bedroom in the middle of the city. “We just get worried about you - especially with working from home… don’t you think you’ll get lonely not seeing anyone?”
“Jeongin and Seungmin live like two minutes away,” Jisung laughed. He also had plenty of friends online he talked to every day - not that his mom considered those ‘real friends.’
“Maybe you should get a cat, or maybe a dog,” she suggested with a shrug. “Something to keep you company.”
Which was how Jisung ended up with Bbama - the second love of his life in the tiny package of a little, fluffy white dog who loved Jisung more than life itself. Bbama was the perfect companion - he got Jisung out of the house twice a day to breathe some real air, he sat with Jisung while he worked, and cuddled with him at night. He was the main conversation starter too - keeping Jisung’s anxiety at bay when he had people visit as they were so focused on the puppy they couldn’t tell how nervous he was.
Because, Jisung did have to host people relatively often for being such a recluse.
Because, oh yeah, Jisung had become an incredibly successful author basically overnight.
He would never admit that his debut novel - the one that had absolutely taken off, skyrocketing to the top of every book list - was a piece fanfiction. Everyone else just saw it as the absolutely wonderful, inclusive, queer romance set in a world of dragons. He had written it, hunched over his laptop, for nights and nights when he was supposed to be working on finals.
The fans on his fanfiction account had gone wild over it - telling him how incredible of a story it was, and how it should be published. Which, he wasn’t sure why, actually spurred him to send it to a few publishing agents.
And now here he was, accidental author of a book written about Lee Minho and himself, able to live comfortably from his book deal and press afterwards - working on editing a few of his other works into publishable books as well.
But, with that, he constantly was having his managerial, publishing, and marketing teams over - and it made him shake with anxiety every time. Bbama was truly a saving grace whenever he fumbled over himself, trying to look as professional as a twenty-two year old who wrote smut could possibly look.
“How did the Literature major actually manage to be more successful than us?” Jeongin whined constantly - grumbling about how difficult it was to find a job, even with his degree in engineering. Seungmin wasn’t faring much better with his economics major either.
“Maybe you guys shouldn’t have made fun of me so much for four years straight,” Jisung snorted, rolling his eyes. “Maybe I could have given you tips or something on how to be successful,” he grinned playfully as he leaned back, folding his arms behind his head as he lounged back on his couch.
He had invited the two of them over mostly to show off his new desk set up - a brand new PC he had put together himself, along with one of those cool gamer chairs that he must say, really was very comfortable - but also make sure they had everything to take care of his dog while he was away. Bbama was happily wriggling in Seungmin’s lap as the boy sat on the ground, tossing the dog’s donut toy and clapping as he brought it back each time.
“How long are you out of town again?” Jeongin hummed, grinning as Bbama yapped happily and Seungmin barked right back at him.
“Four nights,” Jisung confirmed.
Seungmin raised an eyebrow, “and you’re just going to those concerts? For five days? Jeez, Ji.”
Jisung blushed slightly, snapping back at the other to hide his slight embarrassment, “you’re just jealous you’re too poor to afford concerts and going to Japan.”
“Nah, I’m not jealous of your obsession,” Seungmin laughed.
Jisung hadn’t gotten to go to Stray Kids’ first tour - he was a poor college student without a dime to his name, and had cried for two nights straight as the tickets went on sale and he wasn’t able to even try to get one.
He had refused to get online for the first time ever - weeks going by as he ignored all of the clips and fancams of his boys singing to people who weren’t him. He had never felt so fucking empty in his life.
So, obviously, when they announced their Asia tour - three concerts between Korea and Japan - he had decided he was going to go to all of them, even if it completely emptied his wallet. His online friends had gotten tickets too - and even though his heart was absolutely pounding as they booked hotels together (he wasn’t one for meeting new people in real life, and somehow meeting people online in real life was even worse - he was terrified he wouldn’t live up to their expectations of him), he couldn’t be more excited.
The two guys were boys he had been friends with for years at this point - online names being SpearB and CB97 but who he now knew as Changbin and Chan - and they were just as obsessed as him, and their shared obsession hadn’t gone away even as the years went by for all of them. He knew the other two were even older than him - something he brought up anytime Jeongin or Seungmin would poke fun at him for being such an “old” (he was 23 for goodness’ sake!) kpop fan - and it made him happy to know he wasn’t weird for being a little older.
Plus, now he had that good-good adult money to be able to spend on concerts.
He covered a lot of the hotel cost - knowing the other two didn’t make nearly as much as he did - and even offered to help pay for their tickets so they could all be together, front row and center, at each of the concerts.
It was going to be the best week ever - even though he would miss Bbama, and might have an anxiety attack traveling by himself, it would all be worth it to see his boys.
No, Jisung wasn’t actually delusional enough to think he was going to have a “y/n moment” with his faves - he really was excited just to be able to see them. He kept joking with Chan and Changbin that he would probably cry - but it was a real fear at this point. Stray Kids had helped him for so many years, with his anxiety, and getting through some of the hardest parts of his life, and now he was finally going to get to see them in person.
He somehow felt like a mom - so incredibly proud of the three boys - but also a jealous boyfriend about how many other people would be in the audience, feeling exactly like he did about Stray Kids. He also felt like a little brother, just wanting a chance to tell the three of them how much they had changed his life - how much he had done to make them proud.
And Minho better be fucking proud of him for somehow getting on a plane by himself and he only felt like he was going to throw up twice the whole time.
And Changbin and Chan were absolutely wonderful - they were exactly how they were online.
They grinned, waving and jumping up and down to get Jisung’s attention as he exited his plane, eyes wide and flitting around, ready to jump out of his skin.
Jisung’s face broke into a grin when he saw the two of them - instantly recognizing the shorter, bulky man from his constant gym photos he would send them, needing the two of them to hype him up (“Hyunjin is literally going to love you,” “hell yeah he would absolutely be a guy who loves muscles!!”), and Chan looked just as sweet and fluffy with his curly hair and all-black ensemble.
He was absolutely surprised at the fact that he was taller than both of them.
He was crushed in their arms, both of them shouting his name and cooing at him as they squeezed him so hard he was afraid he was going to break. “Yah!” He yelped, pulling away and readjusting his bag, laughing at them. “You two are so short!” He grinned, putting a hand to his forehead and waving it in front of him to show how he had at least an inch on Chan, and even more on Changbin.
“I told you I was short,” Changbin huffed. He raised a hand, poking Jisung’s cheek with a delighted squeal, “I’ve been wanting to do that for years.”
“I can’t believe it took us this long to all meet up,” Chan said, the smile never leaving his face - he looked so squishy and cute, just as endearing as he always was on facetime with Jisung.
“Oh, oh, oh! Ji! We wanted to show you!” Changbin yelled - his voice so damn loud, Jisung was expecting it but wow - grabbing Jisung’s wrist and hauling him along. “Look!”
Jisung smiled shyly when he realized Changbin was pointing out a book - his book - in the airport store.
“I already have a copy,” Chan said proudly.
Changbin picked it up, thrusting it into Jisung’s hands, “if I buy it, will you sign it?”
“Yah, why would you want me to sign it?” Jisung laughed, embarrassed.
“I could sell it for hella money,” Changbin smirked.
Jisung smacked him, already comfortable enough with the other to play with him.
They laughed and teased all the way to their hotel, where they gaped at the suite. Even Jisung was surprised by how nice it was, but he didn’t know enough Japanese to question if they had been upgraded or something.
Changbin immediately flopped down on the bed, sighing in contentment. It was a massive bed - even bigger than a King - which was good since there is only one.
“Is this where we all fall in love?” Chan giggled, flopping down next to Changbin. “Classic ‘only one bed’ trope?”
“Jisung would know about that,” Changbin teased, grinning over at the youngest who blushed at the reference to his book.
“Sorry, you two aren’t my type,” Jisung stuck his tongue out at them.
“Oh, we know,” they said in near unison, laughing as they turned to each other.
“We know exactly who your type is,” Chan said,
“Must we remind you of the literal analysis we get every single comeback on why Lee Minho is the hottest person alive and why he would be the best fuck in the wor-”
“Shut up!” Jisung squealed, jumping onto the bed and pinning the other down, getting only a laugh in response.
Chan watched the two of them play-wrestle for several minutes, knowing how much Changbin was holding back considering Jisung seemed to be winning. “We really should get ready soon,” he hummed, interrupting the two younger who looked over at him, panting slightly.
“Oh yeah, line up starts soon,” Changbin said, sitting up easily as though Jisung wasn’t leaning into him with all his weight. “I want to get there early.”
“Why?” Jisung asked, standing up and glancing at the two of them. “It’s seated - we don’t need to get there early.”
“It’s fun!” Chan grinned. “Fans all go early and get to talk and do freebies and photocard trading and stuff.”
“Plus everyone gets to walk around looking cute and hope the boys make a sudden appearance,” Changbin swooned.
Jisung hated crowds - he was worried as it was about the concert, but was convinced he’d be fine as long as he got to stare at Minho the whole time - but just being in crowds for the sake of it sounded like his own personal hell. He swallowed thickly, not wanting to ruin the other two’s fun as he nodded in agreement.
He tried to move as slowly as he could as he got ready, his stomach in knots.
Yeah, he wasn’t expecting a y/n moment, but he still tried really hard to pick out some nice outfits - even impressing himself when he looked in the mirror as he finished up styling his hair. The person looking back at him was completely different from the guy who never brushed his hair, was too lazy for contacts so kept a gold rimmed pair of glasses on the bridge of his nose, and wore hoodies and sweats every single day even in summer.
He had picked out a black and white tank top, layered over each other, a pair of tight, black skinny jeans that accentuated his waist (his biggest asset according to Seungmin and Jeongin), and a gray, plaid, cropped jacket. He parted his hair slightly down the middle, trying to keep it a bit out of his face as it had gotten just slightly too long since his last cut.
He slid a silver necklace onto his throat and pushed a new pair of glasses onto his face (yah, even Stray Kids couldn’t get him to try contacts - but these he had specifically picked out to be cute and aesthetic with his outfits; a wide, more squared frame that took up a good portion of his face. He liked hiding a bit behind his glasses, sue him). His shoes we his trustee converse he wore everywhere, that gave him just a little extra height but were also comfy enough to stand in for hours.
Chan and Changbin looked like they had tried just as hard - with their form fitting outfits that showed off those muscles Jisung was so jealous of.
“What is that?” Jisung cooed, running over to rub the little sliver of skin Chan was showing at his midriff. Chan squealed, trying to pull away from Jisung’s teasing hands, doubling over to hide his stomach. “You’re such a slut!”
“He’s gotta impress Felix,” Changbin said with a smirk.
Jisung immediately turned his teasing to Changbin, grabbing at his bare bicep that was probably bigger than Jisung’s entire head. “And what are you gonna do with these? Put Hyunjin in a headlock?”
Changbin rolled his eyes at him, reaching around to slap Jisung on the ass, making him jump slightly. “Could you have gotten tighter pants?”
“These aren’t even my tightest pair,” Jisung huffed.
Chan, ever a dad, ran through their list of necessary items in each of their bags - water, extra batteries, lightsticks - and reminded them to clip their favorite photocards somewhere.
Jisung had nearly forgotten, needing to rifle through his bag for the photocard he brought everywhere with him. It was from a few albums ago, when Minho had soft, blonde hair. He was adorable, with a pink headband, and pink heart glasses balanced on top of his head, his lips pressed out in a pout.
“Ah, of course, noot noot Minho,” Changbin nodded as Jisung returned with the photocard securely in a little case, clipped to the loop of his jeans. “Good choice.”
“Should we have made signs?” Chan said suddenly, a look of anxiety crossing his face.
“No, Chan, we all agreed we weren’t going to be those assholes holding up signs in the front row,” Changbin reminded him, instantly easing Chan’s tension from his shoulders.
During the short walk to the venue, Jisung got more and more anxious, fiddling with his bag and ringing his hands together as he saw the stadium get closer and closer - more and more people starting to surround him. Changbin and Chan didn’t even seem to notice as he fell behind them, keeping close but ducking his head to hide behind his two friends. He refused to let his anxiety ruin this day for him, but it was getting increasingly difficult to remember that as they suddenly found themselves in the midst of all the people waiting to line up to enter.
“Are you okay?”
Jisung glanced up at Chan who had put a concerned hand on his shoulder.
“Oh, shit, Ji gets a lot of social anxiety, right?” Changbin said, suddenly realizing why the youngest was so apprehensive about leaving early. “You should have said something, Ji.”
“I’m fine,” He said quickly, smiling at them to reassure them. “I just… yeah I don’t really like crowds.”
Chan stepped toward him, settling by his side as though it was always where he was meant to be. He looped his arm through Jisung’s, smiling at him, “I can be your bodyguard.”
“I can too!” Changbin yelled, getting on Jisung’s other side.
Jisung just shook his head as the two went back and forth to each other, pressing on their ears and pretending to be secret agents. “You two are just treating me special cause I’m the maknae of us,” Jisung pouted.
“Hell yeah,” Changbing grinned.
“Maknae on top,” Chan laughed, poking Jisung’s cheek until the younger smiled at him.
Luckily, the line formed pretty quickly, so they were able to get out of the swarm and into some semblance of order pretty quickly. Jisung stayed back while Chan and Changbin interacted with other fans - exchanging twitter handles and getting a vast array of little bracelets people had made. They shoved a few on Jisung’s wrist, insisting he take some as they had “way too many” and definitely not cause Jisung was too terrified to ask for any himself.
“I like your outfits!” A girl called, waving at them when all three of their heads picked up. “You look cute!”
“Thanks, you too!” Chan called back, waving a hand.
“Do you know her?” Jisung blinked.
“No, fans just always hype each other up,” Chan shrugged.
Jisung wished he could just be a normal fan - could just interact with people like a normal person.
He felt much better after making it inside of the stadium, wriggling with excitement as he, Chan, and Changbin found their seats.
“Holy shit!” Changbin yelled as they found their numbers.
“Fucking hell,” Chan stared, mouth hanging open.
“We’re so close!” Jisung squealed, jumping up and down in excited bounces in front of his seat, leaning against the barricade just to see if he could touch the stage. His arms were far too short, but still - they were going to be right there.
They were front row and center - the smaller, extended stage right in front of them.
“Take my photo,” Changbin insisted, handing Jisung his phone to take a photo showing just how close their seats were. Jisung giggled as the other raised an arm, flexing his arm and grinning goofily.
He turned the phone for another photo, moving so the three of them could smile into the camera with various peace signs and winks.
“We’re so cute,” Jisung grinned down at the selfie.
“Send me that,” Chan hummed.
“Hyunjin, Felix, and Minho better think we’re cute too,” Changbin huffed as he shoved his phone in his pocket. He glanced around for a few moments before leaning close to the other two again, “do you think they might actually notice us? We’re the only guys around here.”
Jisung had noticed that too. Of course he knew most kpop fans were younger and were usually girls - but he hadn’t been prepared to be surrounded by so many of them. He had only seen a handful of other guys milling around when they were lined up, and from their seats he couldn’t see any.
“Don’t get too hopeful,” Chan chuckled, shaking his head.
“Seriously though!” Changbin said, waving a hand around. “They might notice us just cause we’re guys!”
“They’re not actually gay, ya know,” Chan sighed.
“Hey,” Jisung pointed an accusing finger at the oldest, “don’t assume their sexualities.”
“I’m just not as delusional as you two,” Chan joked, rolling his eyes. It was true - Changbin and Jisung’s parasocial relationships were far worse than his with Felix. He always felt more protective and brotherly toward the idol than the younger two with their idols. They all knew he had a huge crush on the other Aussie, but was a little less vocal about it.
“I wouldn’t mind if Hyunjin just wanted to be besties,” Changbin shrugged.
“Listen,” Jisung said, tone serious, “if they are straight - they are the fruitiest straights I’ve ever seen in my life-” Changbin bit back a laugh as Chan rolled his eyes, “-and you know what they say about those fruity straights right? They’re like pasta - straight until they get heated up.”
“Are you going to boil Minho?” Chan raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, Chan, that’s exactly what I’m going to do,” Jisung huffed, sitting back down in his seat with crossed arms.
“No, we know exactly what Jisung would do if he was in the same room as Minho,” Changbin cooed teasingly.
“Yes, we’ve had it explained in great detail.”
“I am a writer, ya know,” Jisung cut in, “I’ve gotta be able to put images in your head.”
“Yeah, I don’t want them though,” Chan whined, “take them back.”
Jisung was feeling better, having his spot - feeling safe sitting there and knowing its where he belonged. He also loved how well the three of them were getting along - after years of talking online, it made sense, but Jisung had still been terrified.
He felt slightly left out when the two of them got up to go grab drinks before the concert began, leaving Jisung to hum along with the music videos playing on the big screens, joining in with the fanchants and feeling a little less like an outsider. His meds made it so he couldn’t drink at all - he always felt a little lame with other people his age, but he also knew that Chan and Changbin already knew about it, and had listened to him talk about his anxiety and therapy for long enough.
It looked like a drink was really what Chan needed though, letting him break out of his shell a little more. The oldest was screaming the fanchants as it got closer and closer to the time for the concert to start, shaking his lightstick and standing up at one point to scream Felix’s name. Jisung giggled to himself, glad the other seemed like he was going to have fun.
His stomach absolutely dropped, all the way down to his toes, when the lights went out suddenly. Everyone started screaming - knowing what was going to start next.
Jisung jumped to his feet, eyes wide as he pressed himself against the barricade, eyes searching for a hint of the boys - but the stage was still empty. The big screens were playing a cute little VCR, introducing everyone to their concert and the concept of the tour. Jisung thought it was a fun touch, but all he wanted was for it to start already - to get the knots unwound from his chest.
“I’m gonna throw up,” Changbin yelled from beside him, looking just as nervous as Jisung felt.
Jisung smiled at the other, reaching out to pat his shoulder comfortingly, “if you do, I won’t be any help cause I’ll be on the ground sobbing.”
Changbin looked to Chan, “would you help me if I threw up?”
“And you think I’d be conscious?” Chan asked with a raised eyebrow.
Jisung giggled, looking back at the stage. He was vibrating where he stood, bouncing on the balls of his feet and waving his lightstick in tiny motions near his chest. He was sort of terrified of the girl next to him, screaming and waving her lightstick high over her head, so he scooted a little closer to Changbin to stay out of her way.
The music started suddenly.
Jisung was crying before the lights even moved to reveal the three figures standing on the main stage - appearing out of seemingly nowhere.
He covered his face - shocked he was actually crying. It was a joke (mostly) - but here he was, sobbing and trying to cover his face before he even actually saw them.
He felt Changbin’s arms wrap around him, bouncing him up and down as the older whispered to him, “it’s okay, Sunggie! It’s starting, it’s starting!”
He pulled his hands from his eyes just enough to peek through his fingers, watching the three men walk down the thin catwalk to the smaller stage - coming right at the three of them.
They were absolutely ethereal.
They looked even better than they did in photos, in videos, through Jisung’s phone screen.
They let each of them walk like models on a runway - giving fans time to take each member in, the anticipation growing as the intense music played behind them.
Hyunjin was so tall - looking even leaner from the angle Jisung had to look up at him from. His legs seemed to go on forever, the leather pants he was wearing hugged him just right (he could literally feel the moment Changbin’s breath left his chest). His blonde hair was mostly down, with just a small bun pulling some of the strands off of his forehead. He was perfectly styled - makeup sharp and sexy - his sleeveless tank making him look like a rockstar.
Jisung swore he heard Chan choke when Felix strolled up, stopping in his spot to gaze out at the audience. The youngest of the trio was so fucking pretty in person, Jisung didn’t even know what to do. His freckles really were as prominent as photos made them look, round eyes making him look so soft as his black hair fell on his forehead. He thought he could literally see the corners of his mouth twitching - wanting to grin out at his fans, but trying to keep cool for the performance.
And then, there was Lee Minho.
No one could look better than Lee Minho.
His outfit was simple, all black, with pants that hugged him perfectly - Jisung wanted to bite those muscular thighs so badly he could feel it in his throat - and a thick belt around his waist, holding his tight shirt down. He knew Minho never liked to show his stomach - even though he was sure it was just as fit as the rest of him was - because of a scar from a surgery when he was a kid. He was happy the stylists were respecting him more about wanting to stay covered - but, they seemed to compromise with the zipper of his shirt being tugged down just a little far. Jisung could see the hard line of his pec, already slightly shiny with sweat.
His eyes moved slowly up - those fucking collarbones, holy shit, and his neck - also slowly losing his sanity as he did. His brain had just enough time to notice Minho had dyed his hair a dark brown color - new from the purple he had had just a week ago - before he noticed Minho’s face.
The man’s dark, sharp eyes were staring at Jisung in what looked like a bit of confusion, but mostly horror.
He swore he saw the idol’s lips twitch - looking like they wanted to move, to talk to Jisung?
But no, that was impossible - he couldn’t be actually looking at Jisung. He was just looking at his audience.
Only a moment later, the music was finally beginning, and the three of them separated to different parts of the stage, immediately starting on their newest song: S-Class.
Jisung barely even registered the first few songs - going between staring at whoever was closest in absolute awe, and sobbing into his hands. He didn’t even use his lightstick, clutching it close to his chest as though it was a lifeline.
He just couldn’t stop fucking crying.
He was overwhelmed - his anxiety crawling up his throat, but also just every emotion he’s ever felt for these boys was bubbling up in him, bursting out in the form of body-wracking sobs and tears.
Changbin and Chan were having fun next to him, reaching out to hug him close every once in a while, but mostly participating in the fanchants and screaming along with the songs. Changbin even started dancing at one point, jumping up and down to his favorite song.
Jisung’s head felt like cotton by the time they finally stopped for a break, the three idols covered in sweat and panting from how hard they had been dancing. He watched each of them grab water and take a second to breathe before introducing themselves and thanking everyone for being here.
“Before we continue onto our next song,” Minho said, looking around the stadium with a small smile before looking back to Jisung - holy shit he was looking at Jisung. “Why are you crying?” He asked, stepping forward and reaching out a hand to Jisung. “Are you okay?”
Jisung was no longer okay literally at all.
He was going to pass the fuck out.
“He’s fine!” Changbin yelled, wrapping his arms around Jisung and stroking his hair as Jisung covered his red-blotchy face, trying to hold back another sob. He could hear the cooing of the fans around him - shouting about how sweet Minho was, especially with his fanboys.
“Are you sure?” Minho asked, tilting his head to one side - looking genuinely concerned. He smiled slightly when Jisung nodded, assuring him he was fine. “Okay, good - I need you to smile, okay? Tonight is going to be fun, I promise.” He winked.
Minho winked at him.
Minho fucking Lee winked. At. Him.
But, he forced his boxy, gummy smile onto his face, grinning at the other through squished eyes and puffy cheeks - he would do literally anything for Minho, he could definitely give him a smile.
“There you go,” Minho smiled back. “Now, don’t let that pretty smile leave your face, okay?”
Jisung wasn’t going to last the night.