Chapter Text
It´s been six days and Nikki doesn´t know what to do. He had been found out, gone into heat and had sex with his best friend. His whole life has been flipped upside down and it´s a disaster. It´s been six painfully long days and Nikki has no fucking clue how to go on.
As much as he tries, he can´t get used to the fact that Tommy knows his secret. Mick and Vince do too, but strangely they don´t bother him quite as much. Tommy had seen him at his worst. Weak and wanton and crazed with lust. Tommy now knows who Nikki really is – deep down inside. He had bared himself and now they can never go back.
Sometimes Nikki thinks he should just pack his bags and run. He had never dreamed of being someone´s omega. Then he remembers the way Tommy had looked at him – how he had stayed by his side – and it´s getting hard to breathe. The urge to flee dissipates and Nikki had never believed he could turn into such a push-over, but here he is. Ready to jump at Tommy´s beck and call. The realization stings.
Tommy hadn´t taken advantage and Nikki is grateful for small mercies. But still…he doesn´t understand. Tommy tells him, it´s instinct. Alphas aren´t created to just take whatever they want – they are there to protect. His outlook on life is so fucking naïve, it drives Nikki up the wall sometimes. Maybe he should count himself lucky, though. If Tommy really is as chivalrous as he claims, it´s at least one point off Nikki´s list of worries.
There are more pressing issues. Like the fact that Nikki continues to crave whatever it is that Tommy and he had had. The heat is gone and he mourns the loss of Tommy´s aroused scent – his hands on Nikki´s skin. Every single day is agony and the nights are even worse. Tommy is right there, but he hasn´t returned to Nikki´s bed and barely even touched him since that one fateful morning. The thought that Nikki could just up and leave is nothing but a joke. It´s not that he can´t – he doesn´t want to.
For lack of better options, Nikki tackles his problems strategically. One after another. Once the heat had been over, he had stripped his bed and made a trip to the laundromat with his soiled bedding hidden under layers of dirty clothes. In the end, the lingering scent of his heat had been stronger. The looks people had given him had ranged from disgusted to flirtatious and Nikki had regretted coming out on his own.
Working up the courage to take the walk of shame down to the local drug store and ask for a pregnancy test had taken Nikki two more days. Without doubt, it had been the single most humiliating experience of his life. Everyone´s eyes had been on him and he had just wanted to run. An unmated omega in his position. Most people had eyed him sadly as if to them he was just another whore. Others had leered at him.
So, he hadn´t used contraception! Anyone´s got a fucking problem with that? He had felt like screaming or throwing punches, but in the end, he had taken a deep breath and done neither. They hadn´t even had proper sex – at least not like that. Still, everyone had acted as if they had a right to judge him. Surely imagining him on his knees taking it up the ass from some sleazy alpha. It had taken three more days for the drug store to order in the test, because apparently this is some random podunk town they live in rather than downtown LA. It had been three days of hell.
Maybe all the people judging him, had been onto something. No, he hadn´t let Tommy fuck him – much less knot him – but Nikki hadn´t been anxious for no reason. Tommy´s come had been all over his thighs. It had been unlikely and still, Nikki hadn´t been able to ignore the uneasy feeling in his stomach. Better to find out early on.
The night before Nikki had been able to pick up the test, he had felt so ill he had spent two hours with his head over the toilet bowl until Tommy had asked in a concerned voice if they needed to get him to a hospital. Nikki had almost spilled his worries then, but stopped at the last moment. He knows how pale and sickly he must have looked, but Tommy´s mother hen behavior had truly turned up a notch. No need to worry him further.
As it had turned out, Nikki isn´t pregnant and finding out had been a tremendous weight off his shoulders. He had nearly fainted and had been glad to be home alone for the big reveal. It had also meant that Nikki had been able to move on to the next uncomfortable task.
If getting the pregnancy test had been hell, going down to the free clinic had been downright degrading. Prodding and probing, the doctor had chastised him for waiting so long to get a check-up. His last one had been, when he had first presented and it had been a quick thing. This time, the doctor had asked tons of invasive questions. Have you ever experienced problems being knotted? No, Nikki had said decisively. None of the guy´s business that he had never even done it. The mere thought makes panic rise in his chest. Ridiculous. A few days before, he had been ready to roll over and now he´s acting like a blushing virgin. He had left the clinic with new suppressors and – most importantly – a prescription for birth control.
Nikki still doesn´t know how to feel about the little yellow pills he swallows once a day now. He hides them under his bed in case anyone walks in unbidden and feels like it is written all over his face. He is an omega who can get pregnant. Not the guy anymore who had fucked girls like it was going out of style, but rather someone who lets himself be used like that. Who wakes up with slick running down his thighs – triggered by one little slip-up. Falling apart like it´s nothing.
Which brings Nikki to the present day. Confusion and fear have become his constant companions and they do start to feel like old friends. But now Nikki is also at his wit´s end. He has done everything he needed to do and there is nothing to distract him anymore. He is left to face his actual problems and it truly sucks ass.
All throughout Nikki´s little freakout, Tommy hadn´t been exactly by his side but hovering close by. When Nikki finally has a moment to truly take in the state Tommy is in, Tommy seems cautious and on edge. He gives Nikki these strange looks now and again – and he probably has been doing so for a while – but they don´t talk. Things are not as they once were. Before and after. Something has irreversibly changed.
Then, one or two days later, Nikki is standing in the kitchen pouring himself a glass of milk. It seems all the important life-altering moments nowadays happen in their dirty little kitchen. Tommy spots him, gets this determined look in his eyes, strides over in three long steps and wraps him up in a bear-hug. The milk spills all over Nikki´s hand and he doesn´t fucking care. His first impulse is to push Tommy off, but then he notices his warmth, his familiar comforting scent and he leans his head against Tommy´s shoulder and breathes in. He has no clue what has gotten into Tommy, but for the first time after his heat, Nikki finally feels like himself again.
***
They are doing better. It takes them a while to find their footing, but Nikki thinks they are getting there. They can joke again, relax around each other and it´s not terribly awkward as he had feared. The other guys are being great about it. Mick hasn´t said a word on the matter and Vince had only teased him light-heartedly about using his new-found powers to keep Tommy in line. At the last comment, Nikki hadn´t been able to help the blush that had wanted to spread on his face, but he had retaliated in kind. Neither of them mention the fact, that Tommy has gone back to sleeping in the room he shares with Vince.
The next few weeks bring with them new challenges. Nikki had reluctantly given up his little collection of Tommy´s possessions for one reason only: Tommy needs stuff to wear and he doesn´t want to escalate the situation by forcing Tommy to go without. His room still smells of Tommy, of them, but every time he opens a window the scent fades a bit and Nikki starts dreading the day it will be gone.
They still don´t touch, at least not on purpose, and in a way it´s agony all over again. Nikki wants to, but he is not sure what they are, now that the dust has settled. It had all happened in the heat of the moment, but even if Nikki hates admitting it, he had thought it had meant something more. Except for that one hug, Tommy keeps his distance, but whenever he catches Tommy looking at him, it´s with a soft expression. Nikki is certain he is not just imagining it. Tommy wants him too.
Then, one night, they fall asleep on the couch together and Nikki wakes with his head against Tommy´s chest and Tommy´s arm wrapped safely around his shoulders. He has no recollection of moving and he´s embarrassed for a second, before he gets his bearings back and remembers that they had done so much more.
‘Wanna move this to your bed?’ Tommy asks quietly as if not to startle him and Nikki nods tiredly. Nikki is nervous, but nothing really happens. They just go to sleep on their separate sides, but when Nikki wakes up, he is once again lying half on top of Tommy and inhaling his scent. It feels strange because he never used to be the type to move around much in his sleep. It just goes to show the hold Tommy has over him.
After that, Tommy practically moves into his bed and Nikki is happy, content even. Occasionally, he is still hit by the realization that all of this is unknown territory and he really should be scared. This is the real deal. During his heat he had been pretty out of it half of the time and so it doesn´t count. Without it, he feels like he needs to take accountability for his actions and it´s not just Tommy helping him along. Tommy, who is overly careful not to spook him and who is probably waiting for Nikki´s say-so before letting his hands wander below waist-level ever again.
At first, Tommy just crawls in with him in the middle of the night and Nikki barely registers the movement when Tommy wraps an arm around his sleeping form. Then he's there an hour or so after Nikki goes to bed – it always varies – and Nikki starts to anticipate his arrival. He can´t find any rest before Tommy is there with him and he develops a late-night reading habit that will probably ruin his eyesight in the long run. Eventually, they go to bed together. Tommy´s hand on Nikki´s back as he guides him to his room.
They sleep cuddled close and never breathe a word about it. Nikki prefers it when it´s skin on skin. It takes him some time to get there, but after a while, once they are under the covers, he pulls at the hem of Tommy´s shirt and Tommy is quick to oblige. Feeling Tommy´s chest against his back sends little electric currents down to his groin and Nikki shifts awkwardly, irrationally hoping that Tommy won´t notice. It´s strange being with a man, especially someone so much taller than him. It makes him feel small and overwhelmed.
In the mornings, Vince gives them knowing looks. ‘What’s it like not having to scour the streets for hookups anymore?’ he asks one day and grins in a way that tells Nikki exactly what he is thinking.
Tommy and Nikki look at each other awkwardly. Since that one time, nothing has happened. It´s like there´s this weird line, neither of them is prepared to cross and everything feels tense. Not that Nikki doesn´t want to. Not that he isn´t horny as hell after sleeping next to Tommy night after night. He just doesn´t know how to initiate and it seems kind of daunting.
Sometimes, when it´s late and Vince has already gone to bed, they´ll find themselves sitting in front of the tv and Nikki remembers how all of this had started. They´ll sit and watch a movie and Tommy will slump against his side, yawn, awkwardly throw an arm around his shoulders and Nikki will allow it. He still jerks in surprise, when he feels Tommy place little kisses against his cheek one time and sits stock-still as Tommy trails his lips down to the crook of his neck, one thumb rubbing lazily over his bare arm. Sometimes they make out a bit, but only if it´s real late and if they are a bit drunk.
Tommy has seen him naked, has had his finger inside of him. They have had sex for all intents and purposes, although not in that way, and still Nikki feels oddly self-conscious. He can´t change the past and he´s not sure he would want to. Tommy has seen him as he is – an omega with omega needs – and he hasn´t run off into the sunset. Nikki is so fucking sick of pondering might-have-beens. Yeah, he may struggle moving forwards, but he doesn´t want to feel regret.
‘You´re lovely,’ Tommy whispers, his lips moving down Nikki´s neck, and Nikki shivers. It takes him some effort to not slap Tommy around the back of the head for saying such things and making him feel embarrassed. Tommy tells him how good he smells and Nikki knows it´s only because he can scent his beginning arousal. Other than that, his suppressors still do their job. Nikki buries his face against Tommy´s chest and Tommy kisses him on the top of the head in apology, before grabbing his hand and guiding him to the bedroom.
***
They still don´t have sex, but every day Nikki feels the tension rise. They are both so tightly strung, they are about ready to snap. They are also getting used to being in each other´s space so much and it feels strangely natural. If Nikki had been scared before of things being different, they have adapted eerily fast. Tommy still calls him baby sometimes, but only at night. All quiet and loving and Nikki had never been one for sappy thoughts, but it does feel special. Tommy also calls him dude again, when they are out and about, and it anchors Nikki.
There is something that Nikki can´t get used to and that is being wet all the time. It never used to happen so much. He had never really allowed himself to get so turned on. Once he starts producing slick, it´s easy to smell him out. It had always been quick jerk off sessions – never in the shower but only in his room that he could quickly air out afterwards – and fast hard fucks in back alleys without having to pull down his pants. But now, with Tommy´s hormones running on overdrive, their new-found closeness is taking its toll and he wakes up like that almost every morning.
He tries to ignore the implications. Tries not to think about the fact that Tommy can easily tell how much he craves to be fucked, but it´s a tricky little thing. Subconsciously, he might hope that Tommy will just take the hint, but he doesn´t feel nearly ready to go all the way and it´s making things more difficult than they need to be. It´s like he just can´t jump over that one last hurdle. Girls have taken that thing. Tiny girls even. He´s a grown-ass man and taller than most. He won´t break. He´s built for this and still Tommy´s dick puts the fear of God into him. It´s fucking humiliating being so scared.
He´s not opposed to doing other things, even though he still struggles to realign the image he had had of himself with this strange new person he has become. He feels like he´s still the same…almost, but not quite. If one thing leads to another, they might not stop in time and Nikki doesn´t want to risk it, but it´s getting increasingly difficult to resist. Nowadays, when Nikki blinks awake, Tommy is usually already up waiting for him. He´ll notice Nikki stir and place a close-mouthed kiss on his lips in greeting. It´s the craziest little thing – ridiculously homey and comfortable – and it nearly drives Nikki out of his mind, it´s so packed with meaning. Tommy just throws an arm across his middle and they´ll bask in each other´s warmth for a while.
One morning, not too long after they have started sharing a bed, Nikki feels Tommy inhale deeply and an irrational sense of dread settles in his stomach. ‘Hey, do you want me to…?’ Tommy mumbles into Nikki´s hair and leaves the question hanging in the air. He doesn´t press him, but from then on out, the offer stands.
‘I think I´ll take a shower,’ Nikki says and quickly flees to the bathroom. As he gets out from under the covers, he catches a glimpse of Tommy´s tented boxers and he carefully tries not to think about it as he gets himself off a few minutes later under the warm spray of water. Their bathroom doesn´t have as big of a window as his room, but how is Tommy supposed to know whether he had jerked off or not, when he had smelled like sex to begin with.
Even though he had not taken Tommy up on his offer that morning, Nikki spends the rest of the day thinking about it and as a result remains in a state of constant latent arousal. Tommy knows – of course, he does. He doesn´t even need to scent him, he can probably read it on Nikki´s face. In the end, Nikki decides to turn in much earlier than usual. He is exhausted and he can´t stand the thoughts whirring around his head anymore. Tommy is quick on his heels.
They lie down together and it takes Nikki ages to fall asleep. Tossing and turning and pressing his legs together to keep from embarrassing himself any further. Feeling the easy glide as he moves his thighs against each other with no chance of cleaning himself up a bit for the night. During the night, he wakes a couple of times and he struggles to keep his hands from wandering. The third or fourth time that he rouses from his sleep with a start, he feels Tommy shift next to him.
‘Nikki?’ he mumbles blearily. ‘Are you alright?’
‘Yeah,’ Nikki says and curses himself for the way his sleep-drunk voice comes out all breathy. He suddenly feels Tommy´s arm around him, pulling him in and he has no strength left to protest. Tommy hugs him close and there is no way he can´t feel Nikki´s half-hard dick pressed somewhere between their bodies. He must hear the groan Nikki can´t quite suppress, if his surprised intake of breath is anything to go by.
Then Tommy is right there with him, breath hitching. ‘God, you smell so good. Need me to…?’ And all Nikki can do is curl into him and nod against his chest. Tommy strokes soft fingers down his spine and when he arrives at the waistband of Nikki´s underwear, Nikki helplessly pushes back into his hand. Tommy gets it. He strokes his fingers over the back of the ridiculous little briefs Nikki is wearing – because laundry day is long overdue and he's got nothing else – and gasps when he feels how dire the situation really is.
In a different life, Nikki would have been ashamed. Now, he is so used to the conflicting emotions the action brings on, that he can´t work up the energy to care anymore. It is so fucking early and he is dead tired and yet he can´t sleep before they do this.
Tommy doesn't have the decency to get Nikki out of his confines. He just slides his hand down the back of his underwear and goes right in for the kill. A finger slides down to his entrance and slips in unceremoniously. Nikki hadn't realized how much he had missed this. It brings home the fact that he had never really known what good sex could be like and this isn't even it yet.
He pushes back against Tommy's finger and simultaneously tries to move forward to get some pressure on his dick. He throws a leg over Tommy's hip to get closer and feels Tommy buck against him. Tommy whispers something that Nikki can´t quite make out, then another finger is added. Nikki feels the burn of having two fingers up there and he stops Tommy, before he tries to sneak in another one. He´s so incredibly full already and as ridiculous as it may sound, Tommy doesn´t even need to do anything else because having something to clench around is almost enough to make him lose what little is left of his composure.
Then Tommy hits that spot again and Nikki cries out. Tommy takes full advantage and just keeps pushing as Nikki falls apart. He is nearly sobbing as he finally comes, spurting inside his briefs and probably leaving a wet trail all over Tommy´s stomach where they are pressed together. Nikki is panting and he´s suddenly got this strong urge to apologize for being so fucking desperate. He buries his head in Tommy´s neck and groans. Tommy shushes him and tells him that it´s fine. Whispers that it´s hot – that Nikki´s so hot – and that he´ll give him anything he wants.
As he lies panting on his back, Nikki feels disgusting and he has the distinct feeling that Tommy, the bastard, secretly gets off on his desperation a little. It is still embarrassing to reveal so much about himself and let Tommy see – and touch – him in the state he is in. Still, noticing the way it affects Tommy is also enticing. The things that Nikki is ashamed of are the things that seem to turn Tommy on. It´s a complete mind-fuck. Why is he making this so difficult? Others would find it easy, but Nikki struggles to come to terms with pretty much everything.
He remembers then that he is not alone in this and going by the way, Tommy is fidgeting next to him, he should probably do something about Tommy´s current state. When he works up the courage to place his hand against Tommy´s stomach and slide it lower, Tommy grabs his arm and tells him that it´s fine. Nikki is so damn tired that he snaps at him to just shove it, because they´ve been through this before and he knows that Tommy´s just as horny as he is. After that, there is no further protest on Tommy´s part.
There´s more to the whole thing, though. Nikki might want to pay back the favor and would hate to be labelled a selfish lover, but most of all he is curious. He´s never held another guy´s dick in his hand, least of all an alpha´s. He revels in the new feeling – strange, but also familiar. Vulnerable and silky-smooth, and yeah, big too. At first, he touches for his own sake, cataloguing all the little differences and the way Tommy reacts. He trails fingertips all the way down to the base, feeling out the place where Tommy´s knot would swell in intense moments of arousal. Nikki marvels at the fact that during his heat Tommy had been able to hold back and it also makes him feel uncertain. He wonders if Tommy would let him look during the day. He really wants to know how it works, but he´s too much of a coward to ask.
To distract himself, he starts moving his hand with more intent. Tommy´s dick pretty much works like his own, although the angle is all weird. Tommy bucks up into his hand and it doesn´t even take that long before he´s groaning and coming over his own stomach. They lie together for a while, covers pushed off to the side and Tommy eventually gets up to root around in Nikki´s room. He comes back a little while later and helps Nikki take off his underwear. Then Nikki feels something like a t-shirt slide along his skin as Tommy cleans him up and he allows it, sluggishly moving whichever way Tommy turns him, before he falls asleep.
The next morning, Tommy doesn´t go for his ass again, although Nikki is sure he can smell the lingering arousal. He is glad in a way, because all of this is a bit much. He still struggles to face the facts in bright daylight and maybe he just needs a bit more time. Instead, Tommy wraps a hand around his cock and lazily starts stroking, as he rubs off against the back of Nikki´s thigh. Nikki can´t help but let his worries slide away then - at least for a little while.