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This is the last time Y/N ever agrees to go 'exploring' with Cal when she could have stayed in the cozy warm safety of the Mantis. But knowing Cal, and his very limited self preservation instincts, the idea of sending him out into the icy unknown alone just wasn't on the table.
But it would be next time, he could count on that, he could freeze out here alone while on another one of Saw Gerrera's pointless missions. Like they could actually establish a base on Hoth, They'd be lucky to survive the night.
Y/N was wondering if they were going to survive the next five minutes as her arms held Cal's middle in a frozen death grip, her face buried in the back of his thick layers to protect herself from the stinging ice storm. Her grip only growing tighter as the Tauntaun bounced roughly along, she'd never seen one before and she wasn't exactly sure Cal had either, all she knew was that it smelled.
"Cal!" Y/N shouted, not willing to remove her face from his back.
"Yeah?" He replied just as loudly through the thick scarf pulled up to his nose.
"I'm beginning to think this trip was pointless!" Beedee sounding his agreement over her shoulder as he clutched onto her back.
"Me too!"
"You're lucky I'm clutching onto you for dear life!" Y/N stated, her grip tightening out of annoyance. "Or else I'd bury you in this snow right now for taking us out here in the first place!"
"We're almost back, I promise!" Cal assured in his usual hopeful way.
"If I had known this is where I'd be three years ago when I met you on Zeffo I would have never agreed to come!" Y/N shouted a statement she would often use whenever they landed themselves in a dangerous situation, even if she knew it wasn't true.
Three years ago she was lost, make that eight if she was talking about the time before she met him. When the Clone Wars had ended so had her life, her parents were murdered for speaking out against the new Galactic Empire.
She barely escaped Coruscant with her life, only doing so by the sacrifices of her parents. After that she roamed, but roaming wasn't easy, everyone was fighting for their place in things. And that's how she got good at one thing, killing, it was survival of the fittest, and she wasn't going down without a fight.
She landed herself quite the reputation, which lead to the Haxion Brood offering her a very profitable venture.
A debt collector.
She didn't like the title, the implication, but it was good money and in a galaxy torn apart, it was the best she could get. But unlike the other members of the Brood, she was fair, she actually allowed them a chance to pay their debt instead of shooting and taking what she pleased.
That's how she met Cal Kestis, the Brood had sent her after a debt owed by Greez Dritus. But apparently their was a rumor going around he was traveling with a strong warrior, and the Brood loved a good fighter for it's arena. Both were payment options, and lucky for Greez, she ran into Cal first.
As she stood their, blasters raised and ready for a fight, her eyes caught sight of the shining lightsaber blade he had produced. And in that moment she saw the first glimmer of hope that she had been unwittingly searching for for years.
He offered her a place in the galaxy, a real purpose, and a family. Now Cere was off working on restoring the Jedi archives, Merrin was seeing the galaxy, and Greez had his saloon. They were all that was left to fight the good fight, and maybe that was only because fighting and wars was the only thing they were good at.
"I see it!" Cal shouted his arm pointing through the storm, causing Y/N for once to take a glance over his shoulder.
"Count yourself lucky!" Y/N couldn't help but smile at the sight of the Mantis only a few yards away. "Beedee and I were considering mutiny!"
"He'd never do that!" Cal shot back, but by the annoyed beeps the droid was making it sounded like he very much would.
"Careful Beedee!" Y/N warned as the droid decided to brave the distance himself, running to the Mantis's boarding ramp. "I'm with him!"
"Y/N-" Cal tried to protest as she took a shaky step down from the creature, one foot on the ramp, the other on the icy terrain.
"What are you waiting for?" Y/N shielded her eyes from the storm as she held out her hand, afraid to lose him in the blinding ice.
"I feel bad for leaving him!" Cal practically shouted in her ear as the wind blew him into her, nearly sending them both sprawling on the frozen ramp as the creature they had been riding ran off into the storm.
"He lives here Cal, we on the other hand do not!" Y/N replied as her death grip on him returned as she held his arm for support against the wind. "Beedee the door!"
The droid wasted no time in running inside ahead of them, whirling around just in time to see the pair stumbling headfirst inside, the door closing automatically. The breathless disorientation hitting them next as Y/N gripped the seat next to her for support while Cal leaned against the opposite wall.
"This..." Y/N began as she tore the hat and layers from her face, not caring that some of her hair came with it. "Was a terrible idea."
"I know, you told me at least five times in the last ten minutes," Cal shot back as he took more care in freeing himself, running a hand through his ever growing hair as his cheeks glowed red from the cold.
"Well I just told you again," Y/N grumbled as she stumbled her way towards the seat Greez used to occupy. "I want off of this Force forsaken planet."
"Y/N, we can't," Cal hurried after her. "There's no way we can take off in this storm."
"You mean were stuck here?" Y/N replied with such defeat it made Cal's eyes soften sympathetically.
"Until the storm blows over."
"Great, what will we do until then?" While Y/N wasn't a stranger to 'roughing it' she was raised on Coruscant, which left her irritable towards the forces of nature, not to mention the creatures.
"Would dinner make you feel better?" Cal offered as Beedee returned to his usual place on his shoulder, watching her curiously.
"I suppose..." Y/N sighed, her lips twitching with a smile as she eyed the pair, shaking her head before her thoughts began to wonder to places she knew they shouldn't. "But I'm cooking, you've gotten us into enough messes today."
"Yes ma'am," Cal concede with a smile, something he was doing less in less the more they traveled through this broken galaxy, she missed it.
"I will, however," Y/N began walking backwards towards the kitchen. "Appreciate the company."
"I knew you weren't really upset," Cal shot back as he moved to follow her.
"I was talking to Beedee."
* ) * ( *
Y/N didn't know how long she had been laying there in the darkness of her room, listening to the harsh rush of the wind outside, but she knew she wouldn't be getting any rest. She never did in a strange environment, which wasn't exactly a good thing when she and Cal were always on the move.
She missed the old days, when the crew was still together, when they would stay somewhere longer than just a few days. But things were changing, she and her companion were slowly becoming more and more of a pest to the Empire, leaving them with very little room to rest.
Still, she wondered if he was resting as she rolled to her side, knowing Cal's bed was just on the other side of the wall. He had taken Greez's room after he had given them the ship and often times she wondered if he was resting there, or laying there awake like she was.
She worried about him, a fact that surprised her after not caring about anyone for so long. But sometimes she wondered if she cared too much by the way he was always plaguing her thoughts. She had to keep some distance between them even if she didn't want to, he was a Jedi, attachment was forbidden.
But on a night like this, when the darkness and loneliness felt suffocating, she seeked him out. She seeked the comfort, the light, that always seemed to surround him. The Force, no matter how many times Cal explained it, was still so confusing, but the pull she felt towards him she knew well.
And sometimes it scared her how much she allowed herself to follow it.
It led her out to the hall, bare feet on the cold metal floor. She should have worn something, but she didn't feel like going back as the door slid shut behind her.
Besides Cal wouldn't shut her out in the cold, often times he'd allow her to slide into the small bed beside him, neither of them saying what the gesture might mean.
She was halfway in the motion of knocking on his door when she noticed the soft glow coming from the common area of the ship. Her hand falling limply at her side as she knew she wouldn't find him in there, instead turning towards the glow.
Knowing exactly what he was doing at this time of night.
"Do you ever sleep?" Y/N spoke gently, trying not to startle him as her feet lightly padded down the small steps. "Or is that something Jedi don't do?"
"I was trying to figure out where we should go next," Cal explained, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he stared at the holopad in front of him. "I'm guessing you want somewhere warm."
"It would be preferred," Y/N replied as she dropped down next to him, tucking her feet under her away from the cold.
"You're in luck, there's plenty of places like that that need our help," Cal leaned back with a sigh as several systems appeared on the holopad.
"It's... overwhelming," Y/N frown at the sight, the battle never ending.
"Yeah... it is."
"You ever think about just... stopping for a moment?" Y/N whispered. "Letting the galaxy fight it's own war for a bit, just for a minute of peace?"
"We can't stop," Cal shook his head vehemently.
"Can't, or won't?" Y/N challenged. "Ever since the day I met you, you've been running from one fight to the next."
"And you haven't?" Cal looked at her as he flicked the holopad off, leaving them in the low glow of the ship.
Y/N avoided his eyes, knowing it was true, knowing they were both running themselves ragged, and neither of them would ever have the guts to stop.
"I just... worry about you," Y/N admitted to the scuffed table in front of her.
"I know... I'm, I'm sorry," Cal nodded slowly at the same inanimate object.
She studied him in that moment, from the corner of her eye. From his hair that had grown past his ears to the light beard that he would shave and grow back, still unsure how he felt about it. The scars on his neck, his nose, the freckles that covered his skin.
A deep ache settling in her chest the longer she stared, it had been so long since she allowed herself to feel it. Most of the time she ignored it, there were more important things at hand and she shouldn't feel this way to begin with. But they were stranded, no mission and no where to go, and for once she didn't ignore it.
"You look older," Y/N stated the simple fact, catching his eyes once more. They both knew it to be true of the both of them, he wasn't the hopeful failed Padawan she had met on Zeffo, all of the running, the fighting and getting no where, was changing him.
He smiled less, his humor turning into a serious stare, and his hope was becoming more and more clouded by hopelessness. A small selfish part of her needed him back, it was her job to be the pessimist, not him.
"I think we both do," Cal admitted after allowing himself the same chance to take her in as she had done him.
"Maybe it's just the hair," Y/N grinned slightly as she brushed it out of place with her fingers, knowing how he always liked to keep it in order.
"I guess it is time to cut it," he smiled as he put it back into place.
"No, it suits you," Y/N shook her head. "Besides, it will keep you warm if we end up stranded here for the rest of our lives."
"I'm sorry for getting us into this mess," Cal admitted as the storm only picked up outside.
"I don't know, it's kind of nice to be stuck somewhere for once," Y/N replied as she bumped is shoulder with her own. "You're trapped doing nothing with me whether you like it or not."
"I guess there's nothing else to do."
"Don't sound so excited," Y/N shot back playfully.
"That's- I didn't mean-" Cal tried to backtrack and it only made her laugh.
"I'm joking with you, remember when we used to do that?"
"You're the worst," Cal shook his head, smiling himself.
"Someone's has to lighten the mood, you'd put Gerara to shame with that serious expression you always wear," Y/N challenged. "It's that unwavering level of determination that gets us into these messes."
"Isn't this the part where you tell me you should never have went with me on Zeffo?" Cal shot back, the ghost of his old self eyeing her with amusement.
"Usually," Y/N nodded. "But I don't know why I bother, I always end up following you anywhere anyways."
"You're just as relentless as I am."
"Or maybe I'm the only thing keeping you alive when you have a very bad tendency to run into dangerous situations."
"You run right after me."
"Probably because I like you alive."
"You could have fooled me, I thought you were trying to suffocate me out there with the hold you had on me," Cal smiled easily.
"You could have told me to let go," Y/N shot back.
"I think we both know I'd never do that," Cal replied, the playfulness turning to gentleness as his mouth still held a soft smile. The sight only making the desperate ache in her chest worse as she held his gaze, she knew exactly what the pain was.
Want, a want for something she couldn't have.
"It's getting pretty late, I guess I should go back to bed, try to get some sleep at least," Y/N shook those thoughts away. "You should try t-"
"Don't," Cal's hand held her in place as she moved to stand. "Don't go."
"I think I should," Y/N admitted quietly, even as she settled back into her seat.
"It's been so long since we've talked," Cal explained as his hold lessened but he never let go. "I've missed talking to you."
"I thought I annoyed you half the time," Y/N smiled slightly.
"You do," Cal replied quietly, thumb absent-mindedly brushing her wrist. "I think that's why I miss you, it's not so dark when you're around."
"Cal..." Y/N whispered, his name sounding like a plea. "Don't..."
"Don't?" His eyes searching her face, realizing just how close they really were.
"Don't make a mistake your going to regret..." Y/N pulled away from his touch with shaky restraint. "Don't make me a mistake your going to regret."
She stood quickly, the cold floor shocking her once more as she moved towards the hall, but his words stopped her.
"I won't," Cal stated so surely the determination made her turn to see him following her. "Why would you think I'd regret it?"
"Because you're a Jedi, and a good one at that. You're a sign of hope, you're my hope that there's actually a chance for something better," Y/N replied desperately, as if all of this were obvious. "I-... do you know how hard that is for me to say? When all I do is care about you."
"Nothing's going to change that," Cal spoke gently, stepping carefully into her space as if she might flee any second. "The galaxy is different now. The Order, the Republic, everything we know is gone. Maybe it's time to let it go of what got us here in the first place."
"It's all that we have."
"Not anymore."
Cal raised his hand hesitantly, gently pushing the hair from her face, his fingertips lingering on her cool skin. He took her silence as an invitation, cupping her cheek as he leaned in.
When his lips met hers any self-restraint she still had melted away as she reached for him, hands winding in the soft material of his night shirt. His lips moved with inexperience, but with an eagerness to learn as he followed her lead, his other arm circling her waist to hold her closer.
Y/N's hands reached for every part of him, making sure he was real, that he was there. Her fingers winding in his hair while Cal seemed to desperately want her closer, holding her body flush against his. She stretched to her toes to match his height as his arm supported her, practically holding her in the air.
The storm only picking up outside, rocking the ship enough to send them stumbling into the dining table. Y/N's back hitting the cool metal as Cal caught himself on the table to stop from falling into her.
"It's really picking up out there," Y/N commented breathless, forehead resting against his as he stood between her legs.
"Y-Yeah," Cal struggled out, painting slightly as his eyes remained closed.
He looked almost in pain, and it took her a second to figure out why, or more so feel why. The strain in his pants evident against her thigh.
"Cal..." Y/N whispered gently.
"Sorry," Cal moved to pull away but she held his hips in place as she forced him to look at her finally.
"Do you want to stop?"
"No," he shook his head quickly. "I've just never done anything like-..."
"I know," Y/N ran her fingers through his hair. "I'll show you."
Any reply Cal had turned into a tense groan as she brushed her thigh against him, his forehead falling to her shoulder. His lips finding the skin exposed there, sending a chill down her spin as he trailed his way up to her ear.
His hips bucking into her as the pleasured sounds leaving his lips became muffled against her skin.
"Feel good?" Y/N smiled to herself as Cal pressed himself further against her, earning a satisfied hum in return.
His hands developing a mind of their own as they ran up her sides, cupping her breasts through the material of her shirt. She had half a mind to continue exactly where they were as she arched into him, but she'd never be able to eat at that table with a straight face again.
"Cal," Y/N lightly pushed him back, giving her enough space to move away from the table.
"Something wrong?" His eyes filled with worry in fear that he had overstepped.
"Come on," she couldn't help but smile at his confusion, her hands taking his as she pulled him down the hall.
"Wait," Cal protested quickly before she could open his door. "Beedee's in there."
"Right," she had completely forgotten about the droid in the whirlwind of the last ten minutes, instead pulling him along to her room.
The door shutting behind them both with finality as she realized the gravity of what they were doing, and just how long she wanted this moment. Now, seeing him standing there in the dim light of her room, unsureness written across his face on what exactly he was supposed to do, she couldn't help but smile gently.
"Cal," Y/N grabbed his attention as she stepped into his personal space.
"I'm sorry," he kept apologizing, knowing that he initiated all of this and yet he was the one lost.
"You know how you say the Force guides you, shows you what to do?" Y/N began, receiving a nod in return. "Just do what comes naturally, shut off all of your thoughts and just feel."
That seemed to be all the direction Cal needed as he captured her lips again, his hands moving to her waist. But instead of staying there they moved slowly upwards, slipping under the fabric of her shirt.
His hand were warm against the cold that had settled across her skin, the warmth pulling her closer as she urged him backwards until his legs hit the bed, forcing him to sit. The pair only breaking the kiss when Y/N stood to her full height, his hands still holding her waist.
With a swift motion she pulled her shirt over her head, watching his mesmerized expression as his eyes ran over the expansion of skin, stopping that the thin undergarment covering her chest. Cal did exactly what she had told him, his shirt soon joining hers on the floor.
Her fingertips running across the pale freckled skin of his chest, tracing the scars, some of which she mended herself. Feeling the strong muscle resting underneath as he melted under her touch.
His hands urging her closer, and she had no choice but to straddle him, his lips returning once more to her neck. Enjoying the breathy sounds leaving him as she rolled her hips against his growing bulge.
"I think your getting the hang of this," Y/N mumbled with closed eyes as she felt his hand slid up to free the garment still concealing her chest. Leaving her topless as it joined the rest of the discarded mess on the floor.
Cal chuckled into her neck as he cupped her breast carefully at first, only massaging his fingers into her when she arched into him. His lips soon finding the nipple of her other breast, allowing his tongue to explore.
"Maker..." Y/N whispered breathless as her head fell back, her hips grinding down on him desperately.
His groan vibrating through her body as he nipped and sucked at her skin.
"Cal..." his name coming out as a moan as she ached forward more. "I really need you."
She fully expected this to continue where they were, guiding him as they went. But Cal had apparently found his confidence as he stood, her arms wrapping around him automatically as he supported her thighs.
She barely had time to register the change before the world had spun around and she found herself flat her back on the bed, Cal's larger frame hovering over her. Her breath catching in her throat at the sight of him, hair made wild from her fingers and pale skin illuminated in the dim light of the ship.
"I want you," Y/N whispered, meaning it more than just the physical way she needed him now.
Cal didn't hesitate as his fingers found the band of her pants, looking to her only for conformation before pulling them, as well as her undergarments, off slowly. His eyes taking in all of her laid bare before him.
"You're beautiful," Cal stated so matter-of-factly Y/N believed him without question.
His hands exploring every part of her, lighting her skin on fire as she ached to feel him where she needed it most.
"Cal, please, I need you to touch me," she urged as his hand rested on her thigh.
"Show me," Cal replied, embarrassment long gone as he found himself needing to fulfill her every wish.
She guided him carefully between her legs, finding her aching clit with his fingers. It took him only a moment to understand before he was circling it slowly, a moan escaping her lips.
He was a fast learner, she couldn't help but think as her hands wound themselves in her bedsheets. Her eyes screwed shut as her pleasure only grew, as well as the sounds she was making.
"Stop," Y/N suddenly stated, and he did so instantly, ready to move away completely but she pulled him to her lips before he could. "I want it to be with you."
"I don't know how long I'll-..." Cal trailed off, unsure of how exactly to phrase the heightened feelings coursing through him.
"It's okay," Y/N assured reaching down to cup him through the thick material of his pants, making his breath catch at the sensation. "I want all of you Cal Kestis."
Cal pulled away reluctantly as his lips grazed her skin, freeing himself from the last remaining clothes between them, his erection throbbing painfully. The sight making her fight the urge to cletch her legs needily. Pre-cum leaking from him already as Y/N's hand reached down to spread it along his length, preparing him as he groaned at the action.
"You okay?" Y/N whispered against his ear, as he held himself over her, resting on his elbows.
"I really need you," he admitted shakily.
"Take it slow," Y/N replied knowing he wouldn't last long any other way.
Cal nodded against her shoulder, his tip brushing along her entrance before he finally slipped past the barrier. A moan escaping the both of them as Cal slowly entered her. The sensation almost too much to bare.
"So good..." Y/N praised as her fingers ran soothingly through his hair, grounding him as he pushed himself further.
A groan escaping him as he filled her entirely, falling to the support of his elbows as his arms grew shaky. His weight only pressing her further into the mattress.
"Cal, you can move," Y/N stated breathlessly after adjusting to his presence, she hadn't realized just how long it had been for her.
He was hesitant at first, his thrusts stuttering against the immense pleasure coursing through him at the new sensation. It took him a moment to calm the storm of emotions before he began moving in an even rhythm.
"Mmm," Y/N bit back her moan as her arms wrapped around him, closing what little space was left between them. Her lips moving along his shoulder, marking his light skin out of anyone else's sight but their own.
"Y/N..." Cal choked out her name as his arms flexed tightly, boxing her in as his hips moved with an increased rhythm.
"So good... so... so good," Y/N praised deliriously as her kisses grew sloppier and her hands ran the expansion of his back.
Y/N had to commend his restraint, not only chasing his release but hers as he slowed his pace when his orgasm drew near. But he was losing the battle, his hips moving quickly as the ship rocked with the raging winds.
"Y/N I-" Cal tried, his words ending in a moan he silenced against her neck.
"Me too," Y/N nodded, her hands leaving his back to cup his cheeks as she rested his forehead against her own, feeling him in every sense of the word. "Let go..."
His release coming with a few more desperate thrusts his pleasured moans silenced by her lips as she followed him into the bliss. Clutching him tightly as her body allowed the pleasure to flow through her entire being.
Cal collapsed further against her, his weight a welcomed felling as she ran her hands soothingly down his back. Enjoying his warm breath brushing against her collarbone.
"Not bad for a Jedi," Y/N broke the breathless silence between them, making him chuckle.
Cal reluctantly pulled himself away, her eyes sleepily watching him as he cleaned himself up. And with some gentle guidance, watched as he did the same for her.
The storm not halting it's icy assault even as they rested in a comfortable silence. Cal taking the time to slip his pants back on before leaving and returning from the refresher.
"Do you?..." Cal trailed off as he picked his shirt up from the ground, wondering if she wanted him to do the same for her clothing.
"This will be fine," Y/N surprised him by taking his shirt instead, slipping the looser garment over her head.
He only smiled in mild amusement at her before slipping back into the bed. Allowing her to crawl on top of him and lay there, head nestled just below his chin.
The act so mundane, so normal, he couldn't believe it was real. Her even breath and touch being the only thing to solidify that it was happening, they were there together enveloped with long lost peace.
"I've needed you for so long," Cal stated as he stared up to the ceiling, half expecting her to be asleep as he uttered the proclamation.
"Then you better not let me go..." Y/N smiled against his bare chest, sinking further into his warmth.
Cal only held her tighter as sleep creeped up in them both. For once allowing themselves to rest from the violence of the galaxy as the storm outside promised to keep them there through the night.