Chapter Text
I refuse to believe that your eyes could captivate such beauty that no one else could be. The way you laugh, your mischievous act, your intelligent brain and such steady mindset. I admire everything about you.
On our first meet, I don't realize you were there. Too much kids going around and such big responsibilities going around would held me clueless sometimes, that you're actually there. Beautiful you who has been struggling to adapt, comforted by kids who would hold your hand and pat your back.
I look back, and ask myself everytime. What am I doing that time? How am I unable to realize you're suffering? It was tough for all of us, but I should've pay a lot more attention to you. How foolish am I, to not noticing you who's crouched back there.
+
2015,
Our dreams seems clearer. The hard work are finally gonna put on use. Your hair is getting longer. I know it's not what you want. But for the sake of the company, it remains long and wavy. You're so beautiful, I feel my heart hurting everytime I touched you.
You hated your look. You hated how you've been called with feminine pronouns. "Mom", "Prettier than woman", and all such nicknames, you would laugh it off whenever the camera focused on your face, but only god knows how the eyes behold such pain behind it.
Thanks to your beauty, lots of people fall in love with you. They started to get to know our group, and fell to other members too. All of us have our own charm. But the face of the group would never fail to pull people for us.
Other members realized how I start touching you more, loving you more and falling for you, more and more each day. Some of them would shrug it off, said that it'll pass on. They admitted that they once fallen for you angelic features. But the feelings pass by each days, until one day they could see you as a compatible older brother.
How i wish that time would come to me, cause god, loving you hurts.
+
Yogyakarta,
The place I wish we're two other individuals. Where we could embrace that we're in love with each other. I wish I'm a little brave, because how hard I fell for you that day.
Your wittiness when you haggle with the locals make my day brighter. Your beauty when you shines powerfully, that the sunsets no longer become your competitive. Your strength, even though you're tired with all long roads, but you're able to radiates positivity.
That day, I fell for you again and again .
+
When I tried to forget you, I'll mingle with someone else. It was never long, with maximum a month of lying and fakeness, she would politely asked to go.
Except for this one girl, where she resembled you the most. Her mischief whenever we're out on a date. Her hair, matching the first time you make my heart hurts. Her intelligence, whenever she beats me in any mind game we share in our phone. I was so happy meeting her, thinking I could forget you.
I remembered your enthusiasm when I introduced her to you. From behind, mingyu started to pinpoint the similarities between you and her.
I realized both smile couldn't reach their eyes. And that makes me realized how I've hurt both of you.
+
After a few weeks, she asked me if I truly love her, or I see someone else through her. On that day, my knees fall to the ground. Tears spilling out, my heart hurts even more. I asked for her forgiveness. She could only pat me from behind, and listens to me ranting about your beauty. How foolish I am to think I could ever find someone like you.
On that day, she released me from this chains called you.
+
About me and you, that could never be us.
I solely blame myself for this. It was never your fault, never her's, but mine.
I fall for every beauty that ever been created in this world. Flowers, nature, and you. When other's couldn't be together because of their difference, we couldn't unite because of our similarities. We could be side by side with each other, but couldn't be together. That's the harsh truth.
Let's meet again in another life, where the world would be nicer to us. Where we could be together despite our similarities and our differences. Where me and you, could finally be us.