Work Text:
Recommended songs to listen to before reading:
- Chinese Satellite by Phoebe Bridgers
- Cool about it by Boygenius
- Love Of My Life by Harry Styles
- To Let A Good Thing Die by Bruno Major
- I Like You by Dandelion hands
- Moon Song by Phoebe Bridgers
Enjoy!
“He brought me to the banqueting house,
and his banner over me was love.”
The rain dropped slowly on the windows of a wooden room. Smoke heavily fills the air as it circles and reaches every corner. In the room, crosses fill the walls almost like eyes that look down on those who enter. Two people sit there in the middle of the room where only two chairs are laid out in front of an oval table. There was a certain dreariness to the room that was not just from the decoration or the old furniture. On one chair sits a priest who with every exhale of smoke is a portrayal of a contemplative sigh upon the life he has lived. On the other chair sits a young boy with blood trickling down his face. They may share something much more in common than they thought.
After one long smoky exhale, the priest looks toward the boy sitting across,
“Lan Wangji, I’m surprised to see you here. It seems a lot has changed.”
He goes back into silence carefully examining the wound on Lan Wangji’s head as blood rushes down his face. He pondered on what words to say to the boy.
“So, what was the fight about? Which Girl?... Which Class?” The priest laughed to himself for a moment, “ Youth, such a reckless time.”
Lan Wangji looks up after some time and carefully looks at the priest with acceptance of the situation he has ended up in, “Father, have you ever loved someone?”
“ As an apple tree among the trees of the forest,
so is my beloved among the young men.
With great delight, I sat in his shadow,
and his fruit was sweet to my taste. ”
Lan Wangji always sat at the end of the study table in the library. He deemed it to be quite an unpopular spot among the other students. Usually, as he sat there, he’d study in advance for future lessons or catch up on some more reading. Even with periods of busy schedules, he never gave up on these weekly visits as he embedded them into his routine. His library hour was a special alone time that was important to him in regulating his mind before he went back to the dormitory which was just in time for curfew. On the weekends, he spent most of his time at home just reading in his room.
Once class was dismissed, Lan Wangji packed up his things and walked towards the library. With the sunlight directly hitting the building, there was an almost cinematic glow that made it more appealing than its usual dreary days. The library was medium-sized and enough to contain a good amount of students. On the outside of the room, there were lots of rust along with some cracks of paint. But, once you enter, the layout made it so that there was a good view of all the collections of books. To the right side, there would be a couple of long tables with chairs.
As he approached the end of the table, he noticed someone sitting in front of his usual seat. Though quietly dissatisfied with the presence of another person near his seat, he left the stranger alone and sat down to continue with his previous reading. At other times, his readings and study time in the library would never last long, yet time seemed to stand still at this moment. The quiet breathing of the boy in front of him and the sound of flipping pages filled the silence between them.
Soon after, Lan Wangji finished the work he needed to do and slowly started to pack his things. As he was about to leave, he looked towards the stranger, and with some strange subconscious decision, he shook the stranger by the shoulder. After the quiet time they had spent together, he was quite curious about this person. After a bit more shaking, the stranger wakes up drowsily and looks up at Lan Wangji. They stared at each other for some time before the stranger bursts into a bright smile with his eyes crinkling on the side.
Through the silence, there was a sharp inhale. It was definitely from him, but he hoped that this very…very charming-looking stranger did not hear a single thing.
“Hmmm…..Am I dreaming?” The charming stranger says as he tilts his head to the right. Lan Wangji forced himself out of his frozen state and gathered words for his reply.
“You must get up. The Library is closing soon and it is best to rise soon and enter the dormitory before curfew.” The boy in front of him suddenly bursts into a fit of laughter.
“HAHAAHAHA Wǒ de tiān a! Well, fellow student, I could’ve sworn if I closed my eyes, I would have mistaken you for a teacher with that reply!” He continued laughing some more before quieting down into small chuckles. The boy looks towards Lan Wangji as if examining every part of the boy. He especially seemed to linger on the eyes. A beautiful golden color that seemed hypnotic. The stranger then stood up after realizing something.
“Oh! I forgot to introduce myself. You may not know me yet since I just transferred here, but my name is Wei Wuxian, Class H, Liberal Arts.” After that introduction, Wei Wuxian extended his hand and looked at Lan Wangji in silence with some sort of encouragement in his eyes.
“Lan Wangji, Class A, Liberal Arts.” He took the hand that reached out and held on.
“His head is the finest gold;
his locks are wavy,
black as a raven.”
Another heave of smoke exhales out of the priest. His face contained a solemn look as his fingers tap onto the chair. Lan Wangji continues with a slight smile on his face, an expression no longer foreign.
“I found out that although his name was Wei Wuxian, he was called Wei Ying as a child. I felt happy to find a connection. When I was young, my mother called me Lan Zhan.” He tapped the tip of his shoe on the stiff rug under him.
“We decided to call each other these sentimental names.”
The Priest looks toward Lan Wangji, “Is that so?”
“On my bed by night
I sought him whom my soul loves;
I sought him, but found him not.”
“Treat your instrument like your lover. Embrace it and give it love!”
The Priest walks around the classroom filled with students holding different ensembles of instruments.
“You must show the passion hidden inside your heart.” He emphasizes the statement as he pounds his fist three times onto his chest.
His eyes look across the class before one student exclaims loudly, “Father, what do you know? You’ve probably never been in love!” The priest’s face was unfazed by this retort, “Who said I haven’t?”
The class that was once bustling suddenly became silent for a few moments before suddenly bursting with exclamations.
“Father, what-”
“Father, say it again!”
“Who was it? Who was it!”
Lan Wangji sat silently on the side with his Guqin in front of him, silently plucking the strings to construct some sort of melody. He took no interest in the scene happening before him; instead, he looked to his side only to be met with a pair of silver eyes already looking toward him.
As soon as Lan Wangji met his gaze, Wei Wuxian smiled brightly, his eyes creasing on the sides accompanied by a slight wave in Lan Wangji’s direction. Lan Wangji couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight of him.
“Settle down students! I will be answering them one by one. For the first question, we met at school. The feeling of love did not arrive swiftly; rather, it was a slow development.”
“Woahhh!!” The class exclaimed their shock as they never heard a priest preaching about their first love.
As he went on, the priest asked the students to quiet down once more and listen closely. “Love will arrive when it’s meant to. We cannot stop it. Once it arrives, it is up to you what you do with it.”
The priest silently looks at the cross before going back to sit down on his chair where he continues further, “Love is an enigma. It’s not just physical intimacy, it is the little moments where you wish for it to last forever.”
He finished the last sentence quietly before another student exclaims, “Father, give us more details!”
“Settle down, settle down. Alright, It was just that,” He leaned in closer to the students near him and whispered, “ when I looked their way, they seemed to already be looking at me. ”
The priest then started smiling and laughing at the memory. The class bustled again in chaos after this answer as they continue to ask more questions.
Despite the chaos, Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian kept looking at each other, smiling and laughing as if it was just the both of them in the room.
Thump…
Thump..
Thump.
“You are altogether beautiful, my love;
there is no flaw in you.”
“Lan Zhannnn! Seriously, that dude in the canteen should have watched where he was going! My shirt’s all dirty…”
Wei Wuxian complains loudly again at the sight of the soup-stained shirt before him. While he was eating lunch with Lan Wangji, Wen Chao and Jin Zixun bumped into their table, hard enough that Wei Wuxian’s soup spilled onto his shirt. Before he could fight and call out their actions, Lan Wangji called out his name to calm him down. In the end, they both ended up in the dorm washrooms to get rid enough of the stain before class starts again.
The bathroom was quite old with rusty steel cubicles and the floor held a strange brown color that raises questions about what the original color might be. Most of the time, the bathroom smelled of fish or vomit depending on what was being served for the day. As Wei Wuxian aggressively scrubbed his shirt inside the shower area, Lan Wangji stood outside waiting for him.
Before Wei Wuxian could say another word, loud footsteps could be heard along with someone screaming, “Stop! Please, stop!” heading inside the washroom.
Lan Wangji took this as a sign to observe and hide away for a bit and entered the cubicle of Wei Wuxian.
“...Wei Ying-” He should have thought more about his actions as he entered, he almost ran out after seeing Wei Wuxian’s bare upper body. Although it was more on the skinnier side, it was finely toned enough along with firm muscles that contracted every time he moved.
“Lan Zhan! What was that?” He whispers to Lan Wangji. His eyes looked more anxious by the second.
Soon after, a loud voice booms throughout the washroom, “Get down on the floor you dirty trash! You gay piece of shit!” Lan Wangji looks towards Wei Wuxian as they recognize the voice. Lan Wangji pieces out the situation as Wen Chao and his lackeys beat someone up again. They slowly open the steel door to peek out at the situation.
“HAHAHAHHA You thought we wouldn’t catch you, but I can smell a queer from a mile away and I know when I see one!”
He peers down towards the thin boy below him covered in bruises all over his face. A cruel smile spreads over his face as he tells Wen Zhuliu and Jin Zixun to come close.
Jin Zixun looks down with a wooden bat in his hand and starts kicking Xuanyu as he tried to stand up, “Piece of shit…you still want to fight?”
Wen Chao looked at the shaking body on the dirty floor beneath him as his eyes started to roam his body. “Xuanyu, I hear that queers like you are completely hairless down there. Should we check and test it out?” Wen Chao turns around to Wen Zhuliu and Jin Zixun.
“Pin him down and do what you need to.”
Jin Zixun started to pull Xuanyu’s pants down as he kept fighting him off. “Stop it! Get off me! Stop!”
“HAHHAHAHA Zhuliu, get the lighter, let’s burn his dick off!” Wen Chao exclaims to the man beside him.
“No!...No! No! Please Stop!” Xuanyu kept fighting and suddenly, a loud bang was heard in the cubicles, alerting the three of them.
Wen Chao looks cautiously towards the stalls, “Who’s there? Show yourself before I beat you up!”
Inside the stall, Wei Wuxian had slipped on the soap and unfortunately banged his hand on the steel door. Their eyes look at each other as they hear the constant exclamation of Wen Chao.
The steel door of the cubicle opens slowly and the person walks out in silent steps.
“Oh, Lan Wangji, you scared me there for a second. Actually, right on time, Zixun, give him the wooden bat.” He orders Jin Zixun coldly and swiftly turns back to Lan Wangji. “Come on, just hit this queer piece of shit. If we let him live longer, he might infect us. Go on.”
Lan Wangji looks at the wooden bat being handed to him and the boy on the floor. He could not believe the extent of Wen Chao’s actions on an innocent person. It was truly monstrous, “Is there a reason for the actions you’re doing? Any proof?”
Wen Chao bursts into laughter at the disbelief, “Bah! This shit was looking at everyone’s dicks in the dorms and-”
Suddenly, there was another loud bang. Wei Wuxian comes out of hiding and approaches the group with anger flaring in his eyes.
“Wei Wu-” Before his sentence could be finished, Wei Wuxian pushed him aside to pick up Mo Xuanyu on the floor. He placed the beaten man’s arms across his shoulder as they made their way out of the washroom.
The group of onlookers watched in silence as they walked away. Suddenly, all eyes were on Lan Wangji. “Hey…Lan Wangji, weren’t you in the same cubicle?” Wen Chao looked at him cautiously.
Lan Wangji looked down at the bloody floor and replied evenly, “No, I was in the other.”
“I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine;
he grazes among the lilies.”
“Hurry! Hurry! The Inspector is here! Line up Line up!” Lan Wangji’s roommate, Nie Huaisang, exclaims again and again while pulling his other roommate, Jiang Cheng, out of bed. After being awakened by the noise, Jin Zixuan immediately rises and lines up in front of the bed.
The small room contained two bunk beds close enough that those on the bottom row could easily touch the other. The only luminous object in the room came from the single flickering lightbulb at the center of the ceiling and some light that would pass through the window at the very back. Mostly, the room would be filled with underwear spread all about; though Lan Wangji liked to keep tidy, his roommates were not exactly dependable in that area.
“Huaisang! Shut your mouth- at this point, the Inspector is running here to check the noise!” Jiang Cheng angrily exclaims back at Huaisang’s frantic warnings. While those two were busy arguing, a loud bang hit the door before it swiftly opened. Jiang Cheng and Huaisang quickly went into formation. The inspector was an old man and looked to be every other school’s token most loyal staff- always making sure the students live up to the school’s name.
“Stand straight!” The Inspector yelled at ear distance. He kept his long wooden stick held tightly with his right hand. As he started to walk into the room, there seemed to be another person sneakily walking behind his back. Lan Wangji and the others in the room instantly recognized the sneaky person as the frequent visitor, Wei Wuxian. The inspector suddenly turned right and raised his right hand with the stick to point toward the dirty laundry hanging on the bed.
“Tsk! Tsk! What did I tell all of you about hygiene? This underwear is practically yellow and growing mold! Not even a good wash can save this. Throw it away!” The inspector tapped the wooden stick repeatedly at the dirty piece of clothing and suddenly faced forward. Wei Wuxian amazingly maneuvered his body to quickly fill in the space between Lan Wangji and Jin Zixuan.
Wei Wuxian looked towards Lan Wangji and silently mouthed a ‘Hello’ along with a little wave before he stood straight as the inspector looked back again before reaching the door.
“Remember, boys, I’m only being like this because I care. If I catch any of you sneaking out, I will not go easy. Lights out.” The inspector loudly closed the door before banging on the next room.
“Wei Wuxian, are you crazy?” Jiang Cheng first asked as he shoved his hand onto the boy’s shoulders. “Tsk! Don’t you have your own room? Geez…you’re gonna get us in trouble.”
Nie Huaisang followed after, “Wei-Xiong…you are too brave!” Wei Wuxian chuckled lightly before the others silently went to their beds. Jin Zixuan turned the lights off and climbed to the bed below Lan Wangji’s.
Noticing the silence, Lan Wangji whispered to Wei Ying’s ear as they settle on his bed located at the top bunk, “Wei Ying, that was reckless.” Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Lan Zhan, how could that inspector ever catch me? Never mind that! I brought some dried lotus roots for us to eat!” Wei Wuxian reaches down into his pockets and raises the bag of dried lotus roots like some trophy. “Ah…I don’t have that much, so we have to half it. Hope you don’t mind.”
“Mn. I don’t mind. Thank you, Wei Ying.” Both of them had their bodies spread out on the bed as they faced the window for some moonlight. Wei Wuxian was busy breaking the lotus roots in half, leaving the cracking sound
katak- katak- katak.
While Wei Wuxian looked towards the dried lotus roots, Lan Wangji looked at him.
“Before I was aware, my desire set me
among the chariots of my kinsman, a prince.”
Lan Wangji looked at the big cross at the center of the wall. He sat with his back touching the chair with an air of indifference and something else well hidden. As the priest looked at Lan Wangji, he saw an emotion all too familiar. With another smoky exhale, he spoke, “So-”
‘“Katak - katak - katak. The sound of dried lotus roots. Katak - katak - katak. On a silent night, it sounded like heartbeats echoing loudly in an empty room. For that one moment in time, it was just him and I in the room.” Lan Wangji looked away from the cross and back at the priest. “Father, do you understand?”
Loud instruments start playing in the courtyard to commence the raising of the flag every week. Wei Wuxian stands there not quite near Lan Wangji, but at enough distance where their eyes were able to meet in a large crowd. All students stand up straight with their chins held high under the surveillance of the teachers including the principal. Lan Wangji looks directly at the flag and glances frequently at Wei Wuxian as he sings the national anthem. Looking at Wei Wuxian, he seemed to be quite laid-back despite the strict atmosphere一chuckling in some parts, and looking around for the others. As Lan Wangji looks to the side for another glance, he notices a school staff walking almost running in the direction of the principal. Once the staff relayed their message, the principal 一a large man with hair almost balding at the top 一 ran towards the flag with his whistle stationed in his right hand before blowing hard enough till his face turned red.
“Leave the flag half-mast!” He exclaimed towards the flag boy and returned with the boy swiftly bringing the flag down. The principal then stood in front of the mic at the podium solemnly with a look of sadness. “Students, our great Prime Minister Chen has sadly passed away. We honor him for his services and dedication to this country. For those of you who will be visiting his funeral, please inform the office and your absence will be excused. Let us bow our heads for 30 seconds in acknowledgment.”
As everyone looks towards the floor, silence fills the courtyard for those 30 seconds. Halfway, he looks for Wei Wuxian in the crowd and finds that the man is barely bowing his head; instead, he is looking around and latches onto Lan Wangji’s eyes. He seemed to look excited with eyes sparkling from joy as he mouthed the words ‘Let’s go’
“Let us go out early to the vineyards
and see whether the vines have budded,
whether the grape blossoms have opened
and the pomegranates are in bloom.
There I will give you my love.”
“Lan Zhan! Lan Zhan! Hurry our bus is here!” Wei Wuxian speeds down the sidewalk as Lan Wangji paces after him. They were both wearing casual clothes outside of their usual white uniform and black pants. Wei Wuxian wore a black and red sweater and Lan Wangji wore more of a navy color both looking in character for their personalities. The weather started to become chilly as winter slowly arrives. They ran fast enough to catch up with the bus before the doors closed.
The two boys made their way through the almost full bus and luckily found two empty seats near a window and promptly sat down satisfied so far with the journey. For a few moments, they looked at each other with small smiles before Wei Wuxian handed Lan Wangji the other pair of his earphones. Lan Wangji hesitantly reached his hand out before softly taking the object in Wei Wuxian’s hand, almost clutching it to his chest. Wei Wuxian chuckled slightly at the sight of him.
Lan Wangji places the earphone in his ear, similarily to Wei Wuxian as they listened to music the whole bus ride. Soon after, Wei Wuxian tilted his head to rest on Lan Wangji’s shoulder. There were no words spoken throughout; yet, it said much more than words ever could.
Once they arrived, Lan Wangji walked together with Wei Wuxian as they went to the offering location of the Prime Minister. Loud patriotic cries could be heard all over the scene as Wei Wuxian hurriedly reached inside his bag to obtain a hand-painted flag saying, ‘ We thank you for your service.’ Wei Wuxian looks towards Lan Wangji as they hold up the banner together hand-in-hand. Wei Wuxian smiles cheekily before clearing his throat and joining the crowd in the teary mourning for the Prime Minister.
“Thank you, sir!...Thank you so much!”
Soon after, Lan Wangji joins him though his cries sounded stiff and unnatural. Throughout the whole situation, onlookers could see one boy half-crying and half-chuckling along a boy making questionable noises as they marched along the crowd.
Lan Wangji glances at Wei Wuxian and hopes he can’t hear.
Katak
Katak
Katak…
They approach the offering place as Wei Wuxian first places his hands together in a praying position and closes his eyes, “God or whoever is out there, I pray that the Prime Minister is in peace.”
Wei Wuxian opens one eye and looks imploringly at Lan Wangji at his side who promptly started his own continuation of the prayer, “Father, let this man find rest with you and reward him accordingly to the deeds you know he has done. Thank you, Father.”
They stand there for some time before they bow and leave to explore more of the place they both traveled to.
“Wei Ying, careful.” Lan Wangji holds Wei Wuxian in place as he bounces from stall to stall on a narrow bridge filled with visitors from all over the country. The stalls around the area mostly sold toys and other little trinkets as souvenirs. If you look closely at the bridge, there were many cracks in the cement along with trash kicked to the curb. Despite the look of the landfill the place exhibited, everyone didn’t mind as they kept to themselves and enjoyed the company of others while also watching some free magic performance shows on the side.
Lan Wangji stood beside Wei Wuxian as he was looking closely at the many toys found in this one shop as if carefully choosing a gift for someone. Within earshot and at the corner of his eye, Lan Wangji saw a bundle of commotion at the other end of the bridge where a man in woman clothing stands bravely in a crowd; greeting those who pass him. The person held up a sign that they were waving in the air as the people near him avoided any close contact.
“Hey, Lan Zhan, what’s that man doing over there?” It was at this moment that Lan Wangji noticed that Wei Wuxian was no longer pondering over which little souvenir to buy. Now, his face was tinged with curiosity over the person at the end of the bridge. His eyes seemed to linger a little longer until his pinched expression softened and looked toward Lan Wangji.
“Lan Zhan, don’t you think that person is pretty cool?” Lan Wangji did not know what to reply immediately and instead timidly responded with a simple, “Mn.” Right after, many old men marched over to the bridge dressed in casual wear. They swiftly approached the man with the sign and they jumped on him to pin him down while the others tore up the sign into pieces and brought out handcuffs.
“What are you doing?! Get off me!” the man refuted while being pinned down. He wore a long pink dress with a handful of ruffles and ribbons attached. Now, it was stained with dirt, tears, and a lot more internally that couldn’t be shown on the surface.
“You were already warned the first time you decided to come here for protest! You went against the law.” The man pinning the other replied. The people around ran quickly to avoid being absorbed into the situation.
“It’s the police!” A man from the stall shouted. The remaining people started to run away to avoid getting involved. Lan Wangji looks on worriedly at the situation as he sees much more men in police uniforms run to the situation for arrest.
“HEY LET HIM GO!” Wei Wuxian ran to the men and tried to pull them off the guy before they slammed him away to get off.
“Get out of here, boy!” There was anger fueling Wei Wuxian watching the scene before him; distaste on his tongue that was ready to defend once more until someone grabbed his shoulder.
“Wei Ying. Calm down!” Lan Wangji holds Wei Wuxian tightly onto his chest before he starts to tackle any of the police. ‘”Wei Ying, listen to me. The uniformed police are coming. We need to be careful.” He pleads imploringly to the man in hopes of making him understand that they couldn’t do anything in the face of this situation. They had no power to fight those who do have power. It would be futile.
The police dragged the man away from the premises as the man continued to shout for his life until it passes by as a momentary blur and the market slowly bustles once again as if nothing ever happened.
“Lan Zhan, how could they do that?” Wei Wuxian looks in the direction the police had dragged the man away with his hair in a mess and a wobble in his voice. He turns to Lan Wangji with a frantic expression. “Lan Zhan, isn’t this unfair?” He turns back to the railings of the bridge before banging it, “Fuck those shits!”
They stayed there silently watching as the sun had set and the crowd of workers who came to eat dinner after their shift. At that moment; at that day, they mourned for someone else.
Later on, they would continue to walk on in empty parts of the abandoned and closed-up streets of Beijing. They ended up in a deserted section of a downtown play area that seemed to be popular back in the day with the many entertainment areas found. The lights flickered slightly and only the sound of footsteps and light chuckles can be heard in the space. Wei Wuxian jumped up on a slightly lifted area made of cement where he pretended to balance like some kind of acrobat 一 arms stretched out to the sides while Lan Wangji followed him on the side watching carefully and endearingly.
“Wei Ying, be careful you might fall.” Wei Wuxian looked back and rolled his eyes affectionately and smiled widely.
“Yes, Yes, sir Lan.” He replied before looking at Lan Wangji with some mischief in his eyes. “If he catches me…” He jumped from the elevated spot and right into Lan Wangji’s arms.
After placing him down, Lan Wangji, in a serious tone, said, “Wei Ying, that was too dangerous. What if that was someone else? How would they be able to catch you.”
Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but laugh, “HAHAHA! Lan Zhan! As if there’s anyone else I’d let catch me.” Lan Wangji was caught surprised by his words. Together, they continued to walk side by side until Wei Wuxian stopped in his tracks and turned to Lan Wangji inquisitively.
“Did you know that our world population just reached 5 billion? I can’t believe there are that many people in this world!” His expression seemed as if he scorned the number and followed up with another statement as they reached a flight of stairs. “Lan Zhan, who needs that many people in the world? I think I’m good with just you. What do you think?” He walks down three steps of the stairs and looked up to Lan Wangji imploring for a reply.
“Wei Ying, I-“ Lan Wangji starts but is cut off by Wei Wuxian looking away and continuing on flatly. “Well, this might change one day, you know? When you get married and all.” With Wei Wuxian facing the other way, Lan Wangji wasn’t able to read his expression clearly; similarly, he couldn’t understand the questioning tone of his comment.
“Mn.” With that short reply, Wei Wuxian turns back swiftly to look at him with an unreadable look in his eyes. Lan Wangji continued with what he was meant to say, “Wei Ying shouldn’t worry. I don’t see myself getting married.” Wei Wuxian looks at him again silently for a few moments before replying, “But, Lan Zhan! With this growing population, it’s best if we don’t contribute, right?” He made his way up the stairs only a step below Lan Wangji.
“Hey, Lan Zhan, let’s not have children, no matter where we end up. I think it would be too cruel to bring them into this world.”
Wei Wuxian’s expression filled with sadness as well as acceptance before continuing, “I was told so many times that I should have died. That I should have been choked to death. Isn’t that too cruel?” Lan Zhan lifted Wei Wuxian’s hand and held it gently. “I still wonder why they kept me alive this long if it was too tiresome in the first place.” Wei Wuxian leans onto the metal railings, pondering about something Lan Wangji could not yet grasp.
Lan Wangji hesitated before he found the words to reply, “My parents are in a loveless marriage. Maybe there was love at first, but it grew into trying to love, then eventually evolved into mutual toleration.” Lan Wangji looks down slowly. Wei Wuxian focuses on his figure and grabs the end of Lan Wangji’s navy blue jacket.
“I guess it really is just us for each other, Lan Zhan. There is no one else.” Wei Wuxian jumps up the last step, now on equal footing with Lan Wangji. His smile was wide and bright, yet failed to reach his eyes. Lan Wangji didn’t know what it meant and before he could comment, Wei Wuxian pointed towards a locked-down section of the area.
“Lan Zhan! Isn’t that a movie place? Let’s go!” Lan Wangji was grabbed and tugged to follow Wei Wuxian though he would have followed him willingly either way. The area they were headed towards was a movie film area with a large pull-down screen. Somehow, they were able to get past any locks that were present. Once they entered, Wei Wuxian started to explore more of the rundown place filled with cobwebs and dust that covered every object in the room.
“Wei Ying, are we meant to be here?” Lan Wangji asked worriedly thinking the owner could come by any moment and catch them out. With the injured shoulder Wei Wuxian obtained from the shove at the bridge, it would be best if he kept himself out of harm's way.
Wei Wuxian looked up from the pile of abandoned trinkets he was investigating, “Lan Zhan! This place looks abandoned and there’s no way someone would come here this late. Also, we could just run.” He smiled deviously at the end which did not help the anxious state Lan Wangji was in.
“Lan Zhan! Look here!” Lan Wangji snapped out of his thoughts and followed the direction of Wei Wuxian’s voice. “Lan Zhan! This projector here seems to still work. Let me see…where’s that on button…” Wei Wuxian examines the projector before exclaiming that he’s found the button. After he pressed it, glowing light came out and created a blank brown background on the pull-down screen in front of it. Before Lan Wangji could approach closer, Wei Wuxian told him to stay where he was and stood in front of the projector. He extended his arms out and started to make shadow puppets in the background. The first one was a talking hand and for the second, he looked at Lan Wangji and chuckled before holding up two of his fingers into a peace sign and placing it behind his head. His shadow looked as if he had grown tiny bunny ears and Lan Wangji couldn’t help but laugh loudly at the sight.
Wei Wuxian just watched as Lan Wangji continued to laugh before he started to dance weirdly to catch Lan Wangji’s attention. Naturally, Lan Wangji looked at him with endearment in his heart. Watching Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji slightly extended his hand and brought it up to eye level before slanting it slightly onto the top of Wei Wuxian’s head. From Lan Wangji’s point of view, he was slowly petting the top of his head.
Wei Wuxian caught on and laughed at the odd sight of Lan Wangji. Right after, Lan Wangji clasped his hands together making it seem as though he had captured him. At that point, Lan Wangji did not want to break his hands apart.
“Oh no! I’m trapped!” Wei Wuxian started acting on the spot though laughing at some parts. He was dedicated to his role as a trapped damsel, waving his hands in the air while making choked noises of suffocation.
“HAHAHA Lan Zhan, you are too funny!” It was only then that Lan Wangji placed his hands down and was met with Wei Wuxian’s bright smile that could rival the sun at this moment. “Liquid sunlight…” Lan Wangji had whispered to himself.
Katak…
Katak..
Katak.
Later on that night, the two were able to find this small motel in a busy area. It was an old place trying its best to keep up with the new rising motels in the area. This motel was known for its loud parties which meant that the rooms were all not pricey nor extravagant. They booked one bedroom that was on the first floor of the place that had a circular glass window on the door where passersby could easily be able to see what was going on inside. This raised some warnings in Lan Wangji’s mind about the use and safety of these rooms but was essentially pushed aside as all other places seemed to be full. Wei Wuxian was way too exhausted from the events of the day and immediately fell asleep once they had reached the bedroom they had both paid for. Lan Wangji had carefully tucked him into bed and resorted to watching the rise and fall of Wei Wuxian’s chest.
“To the Lord in heaven, thank you for this meal we have today. Bless my sons with your guidance and will. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.” Mr. Lan was the first to separate his hands from their prayerful pose. The Lan family sat around the circular table that took as little space as possible with dishes laid out lacking any form of beauty and splendor. When Lan Wangji’s brother left for university, it only left him and his parents at home.
“Wangji, have you filled out your forms for college? You must enter a prestigious university just like your brother.” He roughly picked up some vegetables from the dish plate as only the sound of cluttering utensils could be heard in the room.
“It’s already a disappointment that you’re taking liberal arts. Ha! Just like your uncle Qiren. Keep this going and you’ll end up crawling back home!”
“Laogong, A-Zhan is still young. He will think more about it,” Mrs. Lan tried to calm him down.
Lan Wangji carefully looked at both of them before plucking up his courage, “Father, may I have some money to buy a camera?” A loud bang resonated in the room as the silverware clattered to the floor.
“A camera? Are you trying to anger me? What use is a camera for your future?!” He slammed his fists down on the table once again, “Useless! What have we been paying for? Eat your food and learn to be grateful!”
After years of his father spending money on brothels and alcohol, he couldn’t bottle up his anger anymore, “Father, it is for my future. It’s my passion.”
“Passion? Passion doesn’t pay the bills! Listen to me, boy, you are in my house; you are my son, I get to say what you can and can’t do. Now, get lost!”
Lan Wangji brought his dishes from the table and placed them in the sink before walking out the door only to sit outside on one of the steps on the stairs. He stayed there for quite some time until the sun had set and the shouting within the house slowly turned to silence. The door to the entrance creaked slowly as Ms. Lan started to make her way to Lan Wangji.
She sat beside him and reached out to hold his hand, “A-Zhan, forgive your father. He’s just frustrated from work, I hope you’ll understand him. Come inside, it’s getting dark.” Although Lan Wangji was angry at his father, he felt more pity for his mother who had to face that man and will continue to do so for the rest of her life.
“Ma, Why did you marry him?” The question came out of him before he was able to think.
She chuckled lightly before replying in a happy tone, “How else would I have given birth to you and Xichen, hm?”
Lan Wangji turned to look at his mother almost in disbelief at how someone could bind themselves to another if they didn’t love each other. “So, you don’t love him?”
“Love? We just happened to be two people who met each other. At our age, love just passes us by but we have to stick through it even with regrets.”
They looked at each other for a little while, “Love shouldn’t be this way.”
“Silly boy, what do you know about love? Now, don’t be stubborn and come inside. I’ll give you some of my savings, alright? Make sure to take care of the camera and let me watch one of your films one day, Mr. Director.”
The telephone rings loudly with the radio playing constantly in the background. Lan Wangji walks quickly to reach it in time and composes himself before picking it up.
“Hello, who is this?”
A laugh comes from the other end of the phone, “Lan Zhan! Stop messing around with me. So, what was the news you wanted to tell me?”
Lan Wangji cleared him through a couple of times before he was ready to tell Wei Wuxian the news.
“I have a video camera. Would you like to come and try it out with me?” A loud gasp came from the other end of the line.
“Lan Zhan! I would love to! Where should we go and take videos? Ohh!! I know! Let’s go back to that abandoned film place we went to. What do you think?”
“That would be great, Wei Ying.”
“Awesome! Alright, let’s go!”
They went back to the abandoned place downtown where it was almost dim with darkness except for the one bright light coming from the bulb on the ceiling. Wei Wuxian turned the Projector on which created a blank screen right in front of them. While he tinkered about on the switches, Lan Wangji stood from afar and held the camera steady as he started to video.
“Ehem! Welcome to this super awesome film! Please Enjoy.”
Wei Wuxian dramatically bows before his expression becomes solemn as he started to act out a scene.
“No! Don’t take me away from my lover! Please…someone..anyone! Help!” He reached out into the air and quickly placed his right hand over his heart. “There is not a soul in this world who could understand me better. Father, are you listening?!”
After his final sentence, there was uninterrupted silence for a few seconds before he started to laugh. Lan Wangji just stared in awe at how enchanting Wei Wuxian looked. It felt so real. Wei Wuxian went out of the spot he was in and approached Lan Wangji and sat on the chair in front of him.
“Lan Zhan, this may seem funny but I’ve always wanted to be a director. Acting is great and all but there really is something magical about bringing life to a story. Don’t you think?” Lan Wangji felt as though his heart was trying to tell him something but he still could not quite understand.
“Wei Ying, if you make a movie one day, can I make your theme song?” Wei Wuxian excitedly jumped out of his seat.
“A song from Lan Zhan? My movie will hit the number-one spot for sure! Hey, Lan Zhan, do you want to go to film school with me? We can spend the rest of our lives making movies together! We can even live together if that’s what you want. So, what do you think?”
Wei Wuxian stared anxiously at Lan Wangji and felt slightly nervous about what answer he would give. “Wei Ying, I’d love to.”
“YES!”
Lan Wangji wanted…he wanted to…
“Set me as a seal upon your heart,
as a seal upon your arm,
for love is strong as death,
jealousy is fierce as the grave.
Its flashes are flashes of fire,”
“Father, have you ever felt desire for someone?”
Lan Wangji looked towards the man in front of him who was carefully wiping away the blood that was trickling down his face. After this question, he placed down the towel and squeezed the blood into the basin of water before looking up to Lan Wangji’s eyes.
“Young man, God gave us seven sins we should never commit. And lust is one of them. You must understand that we must desire for the good of others and never for anything else.”
Father threw the towel back into the basin and stood up from the chair and marched his way across the room and stopped in front of a large cross. Lan Wangji followed not far behind him.
“Father, I wasn’t talking about lust. I was talking about love. What I feel for him is not just his body, but his entire heart and soul. I want his soul to accept mine... I believe in God. I always have. The scriptures said to believe in him and the door will be opened.”
The Priest turned to face Lan Wangji with a frustrated expression. “Go…Get out! You don’t understand the scriptures. You don’t understand the Lord.”
“Father, listen! He said knock and the door shall be opened. I have been knocking! I have been banging on that door until my knuckles have bled! Why…Why does it never open!? Can he not hear me? Father, you have not loved someone as I do, you are the one who doesn’t understand!” Lan Wangji breathed heavily as the Priest looked over him in silence.
A loud bell rings throughout the school bringing with it a new announcement from the principal, “Students! Be aware that we are now accepting women into the school. Your classes will still be separated from each other as they should be. For the girls, please report to the office for any case of harassment.” Another bell chimed signifying the end of the announcement.
On that day, many of the boys were buzzing about excited to see the girls across the metal fences placed by the school. Lan Wangji was walking towards the entrance of the school before an arm was placed over his shoulder. He immediately knew who the hand belonged to but kept on walking without a hint of surprise.
“Come on, Lan Zhan! I thought you’d be surprised this time!” He pouted as he tried to look disheartened enough to be pitied but Lan Wangji kept on walking to arrive on time for class. “Wei Ying, we must hurry for music class.”
Wei Wuxian rolled his eyes, “Alright, alright!”
However, when they walked into their music class, they were shocked to find that women were sitting amongst them. Although Lan Wangji was able to suppress his surprise, Wei Wuxian whispered into his ear, “Lan Zhan, what’s going on?”
The Priest looked at the two people lingering in front of the door, “Boys! Hasten and get to your seats. The class will start soon.”
They both sat in their assigned seats and the class was about to begin when an instructor came in and marched first in the direction of the Priest, “Father, you know the rules! Men and women can’t be placed in the same classroom! This is against the policy!”
He pointed harshly at the priest and he could only sigh before replying to the instructor, “Sir, from what I know, this was not stated in the policy. This is my class and I can handle it my way.”
“Ha! Father, the boys are at the age where they want to fill certain…needs. Placing them with women will make them distracted! They won’t focus on the college entrance exam! They will一” A loud screech was heard in the classroom and everyone looked toward the sound of the noise. A girl with her hair up in a bun stood up with a furious expression.
“Instructor! Why do you make us women sound so dirty? Just like the boys, we’re here to learn!” The instructor who was annoyed from being cut off directed his anger onto the young girl, “Little lady, do you think what I’m saying is false?” Another loud screech of a chair came from the other end of the classroom. Lan Wangji watched as Wei Wuxian stood up proudly with something to say. He started to get worried about what would happen to Wei Wuxian if he starts to say something.
“Instructor! Do you really think that separating us will prevent us from messing around? When we graduate, will you be splitting the world into two?” Wei Wuxian chuckled to himself before the instructor turned around and directed his attention at him, “You! Watch your attitude! This is for your own good. How else will you enter a college!”
Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but scoff, “So, you’re saying we must stay ignorant of what’s happening socially just to end up in college? School rules? Who said I can’t teach a junior how to play an instrument, huh?
The girl in the bun who was silent throughout the exchange raised her voice again, “Yeah! What’s the point of joining a band if we can’t even play together!”
The instructor frustratedly rubbed his brow, “I’m taking note of both of you. Watch out!”
“Fine! Wei Wuxian, 12th Grade, Liberal Arts!”
“Luo Qingyang, 12th Grade, Liberal Arts!”
The Priest walked forward before anything else could happen, “Sir, It is best to exit my class before this takes up more of my time.” The instructor looked at the priest, “You’ll be responsible for anything that happens.” He marched away and slammed the door shut.
The Priest sighed, “Alright, everyone, sit down, we will continue where we left off.”
When lunch came around, Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian ate their cafeteria food in silence. “Wei Ying, it’s best to be careful. The school might do something about it.”
Wei Wuxian rolled his eyes as he continued to drink from his soup, “Lan Zhan, you sound like that old instructor!” He picked up all his dishes and stood up from his seat. Lan Wangji was going to stop him until he felt a pair of eyes stare at him. Mo Xuanyu was at the table in front of him and was mouthing him some words. Follow me. I have something to say.
With Lan Wangji following behind, Mo Xuanyu walked ahead leading him to a quiet spot in the school. He stopped walking in a brick alley and turned around to face Lan Wangji. Although cautious about Xuanyu’s intentions, he felt pity for the young boy whose face was covered with more scars and blood than the last time they saw each other.
“Xuanyu, what happened?”
“Do you see these wounds? One is from class H; the other is from class A. This one right here is from a brick that was thrown at me and一”
“Xuanyu, I wanted to ask something…”
“ The Lan Wangji asking me for help? Sure, go on.”
“When did you start liking boys?”
Mo Xuanyu went silent and looked at Lan Wangji. There was something behind his eyes that Lan Wangji could not understand. With the stretching silence, Xuanyu slowly ran both of his arms up Lan Wangji’s torso and placed them behind his neck. He looked into the eyes of Lan Wangji and began closing in. Closer and closer until they could feel each other’s breath against their skin with eyes looking into each other. Right before their lips could completely hit each other, Lan Wangji pushed him away out of frustration and fear.
“Listen here, Lan Wangji. I’ve known it since I was a little boy. It will never ever change.” Mo Xuanyu looked at Lan Wangji one more time before he turned around and walked away.
“You motherfucker! Get back here!”
“Fuck off you piece of shit!”
“Stay away from Wangji!”
“Ha! Catch me if you can!”
Lan Wangji heard that last shout and knew that Wei Wuxian was in trouble. He hurriedly ran up the stairs to the second floor and found a huge fight going on with Wei Wuxian in the center of it. Su She and his other friends were trying to tear Wei Wuxian off the wire railings he had climbed on. Without thinking, Lan Wangji was already tearing them off of Wei Wuxian.
“Wei Ying, come down! What are you all doing!”
After getting thrown to the side, Su She noticed Lan Wangji, “Lan Wangji, get away from him! Hey, Wei Wuxian! You damn queer, stop running!”
Wei Wuxian began to climb slowly on top of the cemented railing of the second floor that divided the entire floor from the ground outside. He balanced himself as he wobbled back and forth and started to imitate the flapping of a bird’s wing.
“Wei Ying!”
“Wei Wuxian! We were just joking. Come down!” Wei Wuxian looked back and smiled looking at Lan Wangji’s face.
“Lan Zhan! Watch me!” After saying that last word, he jumped off the railings. Lan Wangji felt his heart jump out of his chest. He ran to the edge and looked down only to see Wei Wuxian smiling below who winked at him before he continued to run away.
Su She after seeing Wei Wuxian still alive turned to Lan Wangji, “Wangji! Stay away from that damn queer or people would think you’re one of them! We’re doing this for your sake!” Su She looked at the other who joined him in the fight and started walking away, “Come on! Let’s go.”
With all the commotion that happened in school, Wei Wuxian was called by his advisor for a talk that was just berating. Lan Wangji offered to be there with him but he declined and went on to see their advisor. However, Lan Wangji still followed and hid in the shadows watching over him as he was worried about what would happen.
“Wei Wuxian, are you stupid? College is getting closer and here you are messing around instead of getting your grades up. This is utterly reckless! How disappointing.” He rubbed his brows before looking back at the troublemaker sitting before him, “Are you a girl? You can’t seem to ever keep your emotions in check. There really is no future in you.”
The teacher sighed and looked down at the papers in front of him on his desk, “You’re free to go but this is the first strike. Once it reaches three, you will be expelled.”
Throughout the entire talk, Wei Wuxian was silent and kept his usual loud antics to himself. He never did anything unless provoked but he knew there was no good in arguing with people who were already against you. “Yes, teacher.”
Wei Wuxian walked out of the classroom and walked a couple of steps before he eventually stopped and frustratedly kicked the wall. Before Lan Wangji could go up to him, someone had already run to Wei Wuxian’s side. Although Lan Wangji could barely see from where he was standing, he knew who that was.
“Mianmian. Now’s not a good time.” Wei Wuxian looked at her once before walking along the halls once again.
“Wei Wuxian, stop. Who cares about what that teacher says?! He may not understand you, but I do.”
She held onto Wei Wuxian’s arm and pulled him to face her, “ I understand you.” Wei Wuxian looked into her eyes and busted out laughing, “Alright, alright, little Mianmian, I’m so glad to have you by my side.”
He reached out his hand to ruffle up her hair that was for once not in its usual bun, “Hey! You’re messing up my hair.”
They continued to talk among themselves and walk along the halls. They laughed as they told each other jokes and kept on teasing each other. Lan Wangji stayed in the place where he first saw them. Glued to the ground with his breathing almost non-existent. He stared. He kept on staring. He couldn’t do anything, not if it risked Wei Wuxian’s happiness. It seemed that life was too good recently that this was the wake-up call he needed. Wei Wuxian did not like him the same way. These past few weeks were just…everything to him but…nothing for Wei Wuxian. He had not noticed it yet but the pain in his chest seemed to stem to every part of his body, a dull ache that felt like a crack in his soul. He pulled himself together and walked home alone.
Lan Wangji had prepared the entire morning for his outing with Wei Wuxian. He was slightly nervous and made sure that he looked good enough to be seen with. They planned to just eat out and film some more videos on his camera. He had arrived early at their waiting spot by the bridge and had been waiting for about 30 minutes already. While waiting, he started to film his surroundings until he stopped and zoomed in on Wei Wuxian walking towards him but with someone beside him. It was Luo Qingyang, Mianmian.
“Lan Zhan! Sorry for not telling you ahead. I just wanted to bring her along since she just arrived here after schooling somewhere else and she hasn’t seen the town yet so why not show her around?” Wei Wuxian looked at Lan Wangji and after seeing him not react and say a word, he started to take back his words and regret his actions, “Oh…sorry Lan Zhan. I knew I shouldn’t have done it without telling you. Mianmian…”
Mianmian looked between the two of them and bowed her head, “Sorry Lan Wangji, it’s my fault. I insisted to accompany him. I can just一”
“No. It’s alright. I don’t mind.”
“Really? Yes!”
Luo Qingyang skipped happily in front of them as she looked at the various stalls on the road. Lan Wangji lingered silently as he watched Wei Wuxian introduce her to the many shop owners in town. The owners couldn’t help but compliment how good the both of them looked together. Lan Wangji just continued to watch over them. Never interfering.
Without noticing, Mianmian pulled on his shirt, “Wangji, would you mind taking a picture of us?” Her eyes looked longingly in his eyes.
Wei Wuxian interrupted the scene, “Mianmian…let’s not ask that, ok? This is his precious camera, we can’t just ask like that.”
“No. It’s alright. I can take the picture.”
“Lan Zhan, are you sure? You don’t have to.”
“It’s alright.”
Mianmian pulled Wei Wuxian’s shirt and pulled him in for a side hug. Lan Wangji stood still for a moment before he gathered his thoughts and prepared his camera. He lifted it close to his eyes and focused it on the pair. He zoomed in closer to Wei Wuxian’s face and only Wei Wuxian. He took a picture of him smiling so wide that it almost felt like a knife that hit him. After taking it, he zoomed out and took the picture she wanted. A picture of two people who looked good together and a picture that you would find in an album somewhere. It looked lovely.
After checking out the stalls, they went to a local noddle store that was well-known by the neighborhood as a quick late-night grab. They sat around a table outside that was under a streetlight.
Lan Wangji quickly got up, “I’ll go and order the food.” Wei Wuxian looked up, “Oh! I’ll choose with you.”
“No. It’s alright. Just stay there.” Wei Wuxian looked taken aback by the refusal but didn’t want to fight with him, “Alright, just call me when you need me.”
“Mhm.”
Lan Wangji chose three bowls of original noodles that would be enough to fill them up. For Wei Wuxian, he added an extra bowl of Sichuan chili on the side. As he looked back to their table, he felt like he couldn’t move. He tightened his grip on the tray just to make sure it wouldn’t slip from his hands and fall to the ground. From what he could see, Wei Wuxian was sharing the other pair of earphones with Mianmian and laughing while looking at each other. She held on to his arm and kept leaning into him. Lan Wangji felt that there was something stuck in his throat. He felt like an outsider who intruded in such an intimate moment. His hands felt clammy and almost resembled sand that was slipping through his fingers. But, he seems happy. Happy.
He walked to the table with a tray in hand and set it down loud enough for the pair to place away the earphones.
“Lan Zhan, is something wrong?”
“Are you two dating?”
“Oh…Um.” Wei Wuxian hesitated.
“I’m sorry, Wei Ying, I have to go. My father is waiting for me and I can’t stay out too long.” Wei Wuxian felt that something strange was going on with how Lan Wangji said those words without looking into his eyes. “Alright, Lan Zhan. Get home safe and thank you for today. I’ll just send Mianmian home so no worries.”
Mianmian went out of her seat and stood in front of Lan Wangji, “Thank you so much for today, Wangji! Let’s hang out more together.”
“Mhm, thank you.” He looked in Wei Wuxian’s direction, “Bye, Wei Ying” That night, Lan Wangji walked home alone.
“I knocked and I knocked, tell me, Father, is loving him so wrong? Just a few moments ago, it was just us. The world was ours . Tell me…how did I become an outsider all of a sudden?”
Lan Wangji and the Priest sat down back in their chairs. The Priest watched as tears started to fall from his eyes and couldn’t help but rub Lan Wangji’s back.
“Jealousy is like a snake. It will eat your heart.”
“I opened to my beloved,
but my beloved had turned and gone.
My soul failed me when he spoke.
I sought him, but found him not;
I called him, but he gave no answer.”
Lan Wangji stood by the dockside waiting for someone he has been expecting to see for a long time.
“Wangji!!” Lan Wangji turned around to find a small girl who had two braids on each side of her head. Although older than him, they got along well with how close she is to his elder brother. Over the years, they developed a sibling relationship that still remained close. She would come back from time to time at certain times during the year.
“Yanli, it’s nice to see you again.”
He smiled as the girl hugged him tightly from the front. She may be small, but she had so much strength in her that made Lan Wangji almost stop breathing from tight she squeezed him. The whole afternoon, they talked about how life has been treating them. Yanli just came over for a short vacation before their uni classes resume. She told Lan Wangji all about the new things she learned.
“Wangji, let me tell you about this secret code I learned. Listen closely.” She pointed to his face until he was forced to agree.
“Mhm.”
“So, do you know the Romanized version of goodnight in Chinese? It’s Wǎn'ān. And each letter means something. The ‘W’ stands for Wǒ meaning ‘I’. The ‘A’ is ài which means love. The ‘N’ is nǐ which means you. So, if you repeat it, it’s kind of like saying, ‘I love you, love you.’ Isn’t that cool?”
She looked at Lan Wangji only to see him trying to mentally take note of what she just said. She chuckled slightly before jokingly berating him, “Wangji! You must use this wisely, alright?”
He looked at her sincerely. “Mhm, thank you, Yanli.” Before she started walking again, Yanli turned back, “Oh! You can also use it on pagers. Just press 143. This means I love you, alright? Remember, use it wisely!” She skipped forward and left Lan Wangji to just watch her walk away.
Later that day, Lan Wangji went to the park pager and pressed 143 along with a message.
The loud chime of the school bell filled the halls dismissing the students from their classes. Lan Wangji sat in front of his guqin spacing out while staring into the distance as he plucked slowly on the strings. He didn't notice Wei Wuxian who sat in front of him.
“Hey, Lan Zhan, why’d you call last night? Sorry, I wasn’t able to pick up…I was hanging out with Mianmian. Lan Zhan, are you alright?” Wei Wuxian waved his hand in front of Lan Wangji and suddenly stopped when Lan Wangji looked up to face him.
His eyes looked colder than their usual golden glow, “Wei Ying, I need to tell you something.”
“Oh. Sure…yeah sure, of course. Um, first can you read this draft message? I’ll be giving it to… Mianmian later.” Wei Wuxian reached into his pocket until he was able to find what he was looking for. It was a small piece of brown paper with his handwriting inside. He flipped it open and nervously placed it in front of Lan Wangji. He constantly kept on looking between the paper and Lan Wangi. After he read the first word, Lan Wangji stood up and looked Wei Wuxian in the eye. “So, you knew what it meant?”
“Knew what?”
“The message I left”
“What message?”
“Wǎn'ān.”
“Ohh. Yeah, I do.”
Lan Wangji quickly packed his things and headed out of the classroom without looking back. ‘Wait! Lan Zhan! Didn’t you want to talk about something? Lan Zhan! Wait!”
“Hello, who is this?”
“Um. Hello there, I’m Wei Wuxian. Would you mind leaving a message for Lan Zhan? Just tell him that I miss him and that I’m waiting for him. Tell him…goodnight and sleep well.”
At a house by the lake, Lan Wangji sits at the edge of the dock watching the sunset and the moon starts to appear along with the stars. He looks up to watch them and hears footsteps slowly approaching.
“Young man, come inside now. Aren’t you tired of looking at the stars?” The old man looked at Lan Wangji but he kept on looking at the stars as he seemed to be amazed by it, “They are whispering something to me. I’ll be inside in a bit, Mr. Jin”
The old man was pleased to hear this and smiled, “Please, just call me Guangshan. I believe we’re close enough to drop the pleasantries. Come on and stand up, it might be raining soon.” He walked forward and grabbed Lan Wangji’s shoulder, “ I know that youthful rebellion you have going on. I was once like you”
The man laughed, “However, I never did regret anything. After all, life is short.” “Mhm.” Lan Wangji stood from where he was and went inside the cabin. Right when the old man closed the door, he was pushed to the wall as the old man unbuckled his belt and removed his pants. Lan Wangji closed his eyes to not feel disgusted about what was going to happen. He’ll just suck it up and get over it.
“Come on now, little boy…moan for me a little. Don’t you want to please me?” He continued to grope Lan Wangji’s boxers and started to sniff and lick his neck leaving behind a trail of saliva. Sounds of slurping and sucking could be heard in the room. He could not utter a single word and let the old man do everything. He continued to grope Lan Wangji’s body while sucking endlessly on the man’s neck and ears. Lan Wangji closed his fists tighter and tighter. It almost seemed like blood would seep out of his hands as he dug his nails into his skin. He kept on thinking that this will only take a while. It won’t hurt. No one will know. It’s just momentary. I’ll live. I’ll survive. I’ll push through. But when the old man started to approach his lips, he couldn’t take it. He felt like his body rejected the hands on him. He felt violated, used, and messy.
“Get off me! We’re different. I’m not like you. I will never be like you!”
“Didn’t you ask for this!? Suck it up, boy! We’re not done yet” He grabbed Lan Wangji’s hand but he slapped his grip away.
“..I did…I did but not this. No. Not this.”
Lan Wangji grabbed his things and left the cabin. He held himself together and ran as fast as he could until he stopped by a tree in the park. He slid down and wondered how dirty he looked. Dirty.
“The watchmen found me
as they went about in the city;
they beat me, they bruised me,
they took away my veil,
those watchmen of the walls.”
In a warm-lit room, the Priest holds a piece of cotton in his hand and wipes away the streaks of blood flowing down Lan Wangji’s face. He slowly wipes it away, making sure that the pain isn’t too much to bear. After swiping it some more, he placed the cotton away and grabbed another before releasing a sigh into his hand.
“Who told you to be that reckless?”
Lan Wangji looked at him for a few seconds as the Priest continued to wipe away the blood, “You told me to live in the moment.”
“...I didn’t know you liked boys at the time. If I had known一”
Lan Wangji slapped his hands away and looked him straight in the eye, “So, you can like girls but I can’t like boys? Is your love more special than mine? Tell me, what’s the difference?”
The Priest grabbed Lan Wangji’s shoulder and looked at the ground before facing him. In his eyes, there was an emotion that could not be described. He knew that the pain Lan Wangji felt could not be extinguished with just one blow. A force that could move mountains…he knew that feeling all too well.
“...If he doesn’t love you, don’t force him to.”
“No. He cares about me. I know he does一”
“Care doesn’t mean love. Just because you can’t control your desires, doesn’t mean you can bring others to hell with you.”
Lan Wangji stood up from where he was perched and walked closer to the priest. He searched for something in those eyes. He knew there was something.
“Help me go to hell. I’d rather go to hell. Anyone like me goes to hell, right? Then, maybe they’d understand me more down there. Tell me, Father. Tell me! Isn’t hell much better than your so-called heaven!?”
“Wangji…Wangji…”
“Curse your heaven!” Lan Wangji pushed the Priest away as he lands loudly on a chair next to him. Lan Wangi cradled his head in his arms. He felt hopeless. Always reaching out in a world that wanted to throw him away. There was only one person…one person in this world who could have understood yet it was not the way he wanted it to be. It seemed that the only ones who understood him were in a place he can’t reach. He felt alone. Utterly alone in a crowded world.
“Thank you, sir. Here’s the payment.” Lan Wangji hopped off the taxi and ran out into the streets where many people crowded around a bleeding person who fell off his bike and injured his arm. Lan Wangji pushed through the crowd and finally found Wei Wuxian in the middle where his eyes were slowly closing as others constantly screamed for help.
Lan Wangji rushed to his side and cradled his head in his arms. He brought Wei Wuxian’s face closer to his and checked to see if he was breathing fine and if his heart was beating. “Wei Ying! Can you hear me? You’ll be ok. I promise you.”
Wei Wuxian’s eyes opened and looked at Lan Wangji’s figure on top of him. The light of the sun was too strong for him to see Lan Wangji’s features closely but he felt comforted by his presence alone. “Lan Zhan. I was looking for you.”
Lan Wangji looked away from those happy eyes. He couldn’t comprehend that they were meant for him and not someone else. It almost felt like he looked at something not meant for him. It wasn’t made to be called his own.
“You fool.”
“Hey! Don’t call me a fool!”
“Alright, I won’t call you that.”
“Hmph! That’s right! You must listen to me now and you must help me! I can’t seem to move my arm.”
Lan Wangji carefully lifted Wei Wuxian into his arms and walked to the nearest clinic. Wei Wuxian looked up to see Lan Wangji’s face. “Lan Zhan, goodnight.” Lan Wangji couldn’t hear what Wei Wuxian mumbled at the end and decided not to ask more since he may just have been tired and exhausted from the injury. “Wei Ying, rest.” “Yes, yes, sir Lan.” He turned to face Lan Wangji’s shirt and smiled to himself.
Because they had to stay in the dormitory during school days, the shower room would usually be used almost every day. Lan Wangji had an organized bag for all the things he needed to freshen up. Due to being an early riser, he was already finished when Wei Wuxian came in with this bandaged right arm along with one crutch on the left. Lan Wangji hurriedly packed his things and made his way over to him.
“Wei Ying, let me help you wash up.” Wei Wuxian stared at him for some time with a weird expression on his face.
“I’m sorry but what did you say?”
“Wei Ying, let me help you wash up was what I said.” Wei Wuxian looked around to see that no one else was in the washroom.
“Uh, no worries Lan Zhan, I’ll take care of it.” He wobbled his way to an available washroom until his crutches touched the wet floor of the washroom. Wei Wuxian started to shout in fear of falling to the ground but before he could hit the ground, Lan Wangji was able to catch him.
“Wei Ying…”
Wei Wuxian sighed and turned away, “Alright, you can help me.” After he said those words, Lan Wangji closed the steel door behind him which left them both alone in one cubicle with no one else in the washroom. They started at each other for a few seconds. Lan Wangji was only wearing a towel that covered his lower body while Wei Wuxian just wore a white tank top with some boxers. Lan Wangji went to work as he carefully lifted Wei Wuxian’s shirt off of him. He did his best not to react and kept to himself. Similarly, Wei Wuxian tried not to make the situation too awkward.
“Ow!”
“Sorry, Wei Ying.”
“No no, it’s alright.”
After removing all his clothes, Lan Wangji turned the shower on and tested the water temperature on himself before lathering it on Wei Wuxian’s head. His lower stomach felt on fire as he spread the water across Wei Wuxian’s back and around his neck. Throughout this entire process, they were looking at each other and getting closer and closer almost like they couldn’t look away. Lan Wangji got the soap and started to scrub it into Wei Wuxian’s head, gently massaging it round and round in circles. Because Lan Wangji was slightly taller, he was able to reach the back of Wei Wuxian’s neck while also slathering the soap all over his body even…
“Ah…” A slight moan echoed in the quiet room. Although Wei Wuxian tried to hold back, he couldn’t help but feel excited in this situation. He looked up at Lan Wangji and watched as his eyes started to dilate while looking at Wei Wuxian all over. Wei Wuxian started to breathe heavily once Lan Wangji approached him closer and closer and leaned to whisper something into his ears.
“Wei Ying, what are you doing?”
“Lan Zhan…” Wei Wuxian looked down to see Lan Wangji’s hands on his waist. He felt something heating up below.
“Wei Ying, I will not do anything to you.” Wei Wuxian felt his heart sink, “Unless you ask me to.” Wei Wuxian looked back up to see the vulnerability in Lan Wangji’s eyes. It seemed that one word could decide everything that was happening.
“Lan Zhan…go on.” From this, Lan Wangji started to touch Wei Wuxian’s nipples. Squeezing and teasing it lightly before rubbing it with his fingers.
“Ah…MHmmM”
Lan Wangji bent his head down slightly and wrapped his mouth around Wei Wuxian’s plump nipple. Carefully sucking and licking it until it was red enough to be cupped into his palm. His tongue circled it and carefully licked the sensitive tip.
“MhmmM…Wei Ying, you taste amazing…”
“Ahhh…Lan Zhan…”
Lan Wangji straightened himself and turned Wei Wuxian around to face the wall. While doing so, he got more soap and started to lather Wei Wuxian’s chest. He started to knead his chest and work his way down while nibbling on the lobes of Wei Wuxian’s ear. After circling Wei Wuxian’s stomach, he let his hands roam lower and lower until he found Wei Wuxian’s hard dick. He grasped it fully from the base and stared out nice and slow. Pumping it back and forth slowly before placing his thumb on the tip and circling it around in continuous motions. Teasing it just enough to slowly build his orgasm.
“AH..Lan Zhan…shit…MHmmMM…faster.”
“Wei Ying, be good.”
Slowly, Lan Wangji built up his speed and started pumping faster and faster. Their labored breaths mixed together as they were both nearing their climax.
“ AH Ah Ah AH MHmMMMmmH…”
Lan Wangji turned Wei Wuxian back around and placed their foreheads against each other as he grabbed both of their dicks and started to pump them at the same time.
“AH AHhhH” Wei Wuxian’s head lifted and looked upwards as he reached his climax with Lan Wangji following not far behind. As their orgasms died down, they looked at each other in silence until Wei Wuxian grabbed Lan Wangji’s face and kissed him deeply and roughly.
Wei Wuxian pulled away from the kiss and directed his gaze to the floor.
“I’m sorry.”
Lan Wangji stared at Wei Wuxian. He felt as though his heart had been pulled out of his chest and was left to bleed. His eyes started to tear up and could only hear the sound of water droplets hitting the floor one by one. He couldn’t bear to look Wei Wuxian in the eye and kept his attention on the floor.
“Don’t be sorry, Wei Ying.”
Wei Wuxian held out his arms and Lan Wangji held onto him.
Lan Wangji was walking down the hall and saw Wei Wuxian fall from his crutches. He immediately sprinted into action and helped him up. “Thank you so…” Wei Wuxian finally looked up to see the person who had helped him, “Oh. Um. Thanks. I can take it from here.” Lan Wangji just watched as Wei Wuxian walked away from him again.
Throughout the week, again and again, Wei Wuxian ignored Lan Wangji’s presence as if he was invisible. He left classes immediately when they were dismissed and packed up his lunch once he saw Lan Wangji enter the cafeteria. As weeks passed into months, Wei Wuxian was all healed; however, he still avoided Lan Wangji.
While he was heading to the dorm building, there were a bunch of people chattering about the new paper that was placed up on the bulletin board.
“Eh? So dating really isn’t that good.”
“Huh? Wei Wuxian was the paper confession?”
“He gets detention but the girl gets expelled?”
“How sad this is!”
After hearing the names mentioned, Lan Wangji pushed his way through the crowd and saw the two papers hung up on the wall.
‘Wei Wuxiam, Two Major and Two Minor Demerits and Detention: Disorderly Conduct
‘ Luo Qingyang, Three Major Demerits, and Expulsion: Disorderly Conduct
“Where is my son?” A stern man walks into the teacher’s office with a sense of power and dominance. He looks around at all the teachers who held their heads low. The person in front of him was the head assistant of the principal who worked his best to satisfy the man’s needs.
“Yes, sir, right this way.”
The assistant led the way down a woody corridor with dim lighting. Picture frames of past principals lined up the corridor walls. For any other person, these pictures would cause dread and anxiety yet this old man looked upon it with distaste as he could not be held up to bother about these pictures when he had other problems to attend to. They stop before a wooden door with a rusty knob.
“Sir, your son is in here with the principal along with his teachers.”
“Let me through.”
“Right away, sir.”
Right when the door was opened, the old man was faced with the face of his son, Wei Wuxian. Anger and frustration started to fill his body as he looked at his son whom he deemed incompetent and useless.
“WEI WUXIAN! YOU LITTLE SHIT. COME HERE.” He started to march towards Wei Wuxian until Wei Wuxian stood up from his seat and started to stay at a distance.
“YOU LITTLE SHIT! COME BACK HERE BEFORE I BEAT YOU TO BITS!” He began to hit Wei Wuxian’s head with a thick piece of newspaper he got from the desk.
“Sir, please stop! You’re the president of the Parents Association! You shouldn’t hit him at school. Think about your image!”
“Someone! Stop Mr. Wei!”
“Sir, We don’t do corporal punishment in this school!”
“STEP ASIDE. I’M TEACHING HIM A LESSON.”
Wei Wuxian rolled his eyes as he leaned on the door frame before shouting, “Just Fuck off already.”
“YOU! YOU USELESS CHILD! I SHOULDN’T HAVE RAISED A SHITTY PERSON LIKE YOU!”
“THEN YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE!”
“I SHOULDN’T HAVE? SAY THAT AGAIN!”
Lan Wangji couldn’t watch how everything was playing out so he rushed into the room just in time before Mr. Wei could hit Wei Wuxian with a chair. Wei Wuxian watched in dismay as Lan Wangji landed head-first on the concrete floor.
“Lan Zhan! Get away from here!” Wei Wuxian went down on his knees to support Lan Wangji.
“Who is this brat, huh!? Get out of the way! This is none of your business!”
“Lan Wangji, shouldn’t you be in class!?”
Mr. Wei had already grabbed Wei Wuxian off the floor and pointed his finger right into his face, “If I don’t teach you a lesson right now, you will never understand.” As he was about to slap Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji got up and stood in between them.
“Sir, please stop beating him!”
“Ha! How are you related to him, huh? I’m disciplining my son! Get out of my way!”
Wei Wuxian grabbed Lan Wangji by the collar and threw him to the wall, “Lan Zhan! Go away! This is my love affair that I need to deal with.”
Lan Wangji straightened himself up and looked into Wei Wuxian’s eyes, “Not my business?” Lan Wangji turned to look at the teachers in the room, “It was my love affair. It was me.”
“What nonsense is this?!” The principal couldn’t help but exclaim the ridiculousness of the situation at hand. However, Lan Wangji was persistent with his claims.
“Instructor, it was my love affair. I gave the paper. It was me!”
“Lan Zhan, just stay out of this already! What do you know about this love affair?”
“You think I don’t?”
“Stay out of it!” Wei Wuxian pushed him onto the floor. As soon as Lan Wangji got up, the fight had boiled enough to turn into a brawl within the office. After hitting sharp edges and paintings, their faces were filled with cuts and blood streaking down their faces. The Priest ran into the room after hearing the commotion from outside. Once he ran in, he stood between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji who were still at each other’s throats.
“Wangji! Stop this!”
The Instructor separated both of the boys, “Wei Wuxian, stop! Lan Wangji, this isn’t your home! Father, these two boys are part of the band! I told you that the boys and girls should be separated. Now look at this mess!” Wei Wuxian broke free from the hold the Priest had on his arm and walked his way out of the office.
“Wei Wuxian!”
“Let that boy be! Such a troublemaker!” Lan Wangji stayed where he was and saw the look in Wei Wuxian’s eyes before he left. He completely messed up. Despite the many eyes watching him, he could no longer feel his legs and placed his hands on his knees as he tried his best to breathe. He messed up.
“I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
if you find my beloved,
that you tell him
I am sick with love.”
The Priest placed a huge bandaid on Lan Wangji’s injury at the upper part of his face. He looked down to see Lan Wangji staring at him and waiting for him to say something, “When I was your age, I was a rebel just like you. I was beaten up every day by the Parish priests. So, one day, I decided to leave Montreal because I didn't think they would ever change. This was thirty years ago.”
The Priest sat down on his chair and looked at Lan Wangji’s face, “Did you know there was a quiet revolution years after I left? They broke free from the church. The people followed their hearts and their desires…and I missed it. But, I was able to witness your revolution here. Now, come closer.”
Lan Wangji quickly listened and brought his chair closer to the priest. Lan Wangji placed his hands together and watch as the priest wrapped his own hands around his. Slowly, he placed his hand on his head and prayed for him. He prayed for this boy to find the meaning of life even in the most insignificant places. He prayed for the boy to always find the stars in the dark night. He prayed for the boy to find peace in his heart. In the name of the Lord.
“Father! Lan Wangji! Your mom is calling for you to go home.”
“I don’t want to”
“But, Wei Wuxian is in your house.”
Lan Wangji looked up from their prayer position and looked back at the random student who told him this and turned back to look at the Priest, “Father, thank you.” He says before he runs back home.
Lan Wangji enters the door and finds Wei Wuxian sitting in front of his parents. He couldn’t tell what was happening and was starting to get worried once his dad turned around to look at him. He seemed solemn but disappointed. This can’t…
“Child, why did you steal this young man’s girlfriend?”
“...I did not steal his girlfriend.”
Lan Wangji looked at Wei Wuxian who was calmly watching over the situation
"Lan Wangji, exams are coming up and I need to focus. I feel like your parents needed to know what was happening in school.”
Mrs. Lan rushed to Lan Wangji’s side and examined the appearance of his son. With cuts, bruises, and blood all over his face, she felt disheartened and worried, “A-Zhan, why are you covered in all these cuts? Did you get into a fight?” She held on to her son’s arm and begged for an answer.
“Ma, no…it’s not that.”
“Tsk! Such a loser. Stole your friend’s girlfriend and fought with him…how pathetic!”
“I didn’t steal any girlfriend.”
“Why else would he be here?”
Lan Wangji looked again into Wei Wuxian’s eyes. They both had so much to say but there was never any opportunity to do so. It seemed like the price of their words would be their lives.
“Wei Ying, why are you here?”
Wei Wuxian stood up from his seat and went closer and closer until he was right in front of Lan Wangji. He whispered these words slowly.
“I’m doing this for you.”
“Aiyah! Both of you please stop fighting. You’re best friends, you shouldn’t be acting this way.”
They continued to stare into each other’s eyes, a silent battle with no clue as to what would come out of it.
“Best friends, is that what we are?”
“Lan Wangji, what do you think we are? What can we get out of this?” They stared intensely into each other before Wei Wuxian picked up his bag and threw it over his shoulder.
“I’ll get going.”
As Lan Wangji started to follow Wei Wuxian, Mrs. Lan grabbed his shirt and begged him, “A-Zhan, you can still get a girlfriend in college. There’s no need to fight.”
“Ha! Mrs. Lan, what if he never finds a girlfriend?”
“Wei Ying.”
“No no, he will.”
“Are you sure?”
Lan Wangji stepped forward and gripped tightly onto Wei Wuxian’s shirt. He clenched his fist as he saw the calm facade Wei Wuxian held.
“ Wei Ying, why would you care if I got a girlfriend or not?”
“Lan Zhan, which one of us is afraid now?” The once carefree facade he placed crumbled into sadness.
“Just…don’t bother me anymore, ok?”
Lan Wangji looked down. He couldn’t dare to face Wei Wuxian in the face. He made it seem as though love could solve every problem but fear crept its way in to crawl into every crack and crevice of every happy fantasy he held. Fear is the one thing that stops someone from doing what they are meant to do. Lan Wangji turned around to face his mother.
“Ma, the person I like is一”
“Lan Zhan! STOP!”
“Wei Ying, who’s afraid now?”
“Lan Zhan, have you lost your mind ? Stop acting like a damn queer!”
They looked at each other knowing just how much their words were like knives to each other’s hearts. Tears just at the edge of falling with nothing much but fear in both of their eyes. The fear of being seen. The fear of being known. The fear of stepping out of the shadows. That deep choking fear.
“What’s so wrong about being queer? If you find it disgusting, say it to my face!”
Refusing to hear more, Lan Wangji stormed out of the house and ran to his bike, and started pedaling.
“Lan Zhan! Stop, let’s go back. Please!”
Right behind him, Wei Wuxian was riding his own bike and following Lan Wangji. As they approached the bus station, Lan Wangji went to the counter and asked for a ticket for the next bus heading out. Wei Wuxian would follow him and the buses he would take.
“What ticket would you want, sir?”
“Umm, just give me anything the man before me had. Thanks!”
Days passed and Lan Wangji continued to walk forward and never look back while Wei Wuxian followed closely behind, never giving up. They ended up on a deserted road somewhere far from home. Somewhere nobody would even think of searching. It seemed like they were the only two that existed in that barren wasteland.
“Lan Zhan! I’m running to you and we’ll fall if you don’t stop walking.''
After not hearing a response, Wei Wuxian ran and ran until he tumbled over Lan Wangji.
“I told you I would!”
“Wei Ying. Stop.”
As they kept on walking further, they ended up on a rocky beach with waves that splashed onto the rocks with great force. The sun didn’t seem to reach here as it was quite gloomy with a cloudy and gray sky. It seemed like the one place the sun forgot to look upon.
“Go on, Lan Zhan, let’s see if you can walk on water. We both know you can’t walk any further.”
Wei Wuxian smugly watched as Lan Wangji just continued to stare out into the sea. His smugness didn’t last long as he saw Lan Wangji start to strip off all of his clothing.
“Lan Zhan!? What are you doing!”
“Testing how far I can go.”
As he said those words he ran for the shoreline, meeting the waves on as if attempting to swim through the currents.
“Eh..wait! Wait for me!”
Wei Wuxian followed soon after. They both swam straight into the ice-cold water and started screaming all their frustrations out into the vast ocean. In that one moment in time, their burdens and responsibilities faded away and left them entirely bare to feel whatever they were meant to when the time was all they needed. When the sun began to set, they fetched out their remaining clothes that were washed up by the waves. Later on, they lay there on the sandy beach and instead of looking at the stars, they ended up looking at each other.
They realized that they could find the galaxy in each other’s eyes. Lan Wangji pushed his body up and leaned onto Wei Wuxian and kissed him slowly on the lips. It wasn’t rough and rushed. It was just as it should be. And they wished that this would be the end of the world.
After they went back home, they both began to prepare for their college exams.
After that, they never saw each other again.
The sound of a symphony of instruments fills the small function room of a restaurant. Many people who have once known each other years ago in high school clapped in amazement and fun at the high school band who still knew how to play with such ease. Lan Wangji enters the room.
It had been years since he last saw these faces. He hurriedly sat down on an empty chair in the middle of the function room and enjoyed watching over the band. As soon as they ended, everyone began to clap at such fun entertainment.
“Lan Wangji? Is that you!?” The man who approached him was his roommate many years ago, Huaisang.
“Mhm.”
“Everyone! This is Lan Wangji! It’s his first time in one of our reunions so please warmly welcome him!”
“Lan Wangji? Isn’t he that director?”
“Oh! I watched one of his films!”
“Even after all years, he still has that damn good-looking face.”
Huaisang made himself comfortable on the seat next to Lan Wangji. He felt that his fellow roommate had become more solemn over the years despite his famous career of being a director and knowing the top celebrities in the film industry.
“So, have you thought of settling down, yet? I watched your recent interview and it is a crime! A crime for you to still be single!”
Lan Wangji took one long sip of his tea and did not offer a reply. Huasiang noticed that his eyes would linger on every face in the room, searching for someone. Although he did not know who, Huasiang took note of it lightly and gave Lan Wangji a thick and dusty notebook.
“Here, Lan Wangji, this notebook has all the numbers of our graduated batch. Remember to update yours, alright?”
He looked back to the entire function hall, “Hey, everyone! Make sure to update your numbers!” He looked back to Lan Wangji and offered a simple smile.
“Make sure to enjoy yourself. It was nice to see you again.”
“I will rise now and go about the city,
in the streets and in the squares;
I will seek him whom my soul loves.
I sought him, but found him not.”
It was months after the college exams and Lan Wangji had yet to hear from Wei Wuxian. He thought that space was what they might need after the trip they spent together. He felt that he had given too much to the point that it overwhelmed him. So, Lan Wangji kept his distance and yet, he was worried. Not a single call or page.
It seemed like they were waiting for the other to talk first. It was scary. It was unfamiliar.
The future was limitless and being what they were gave limits. It was on an afternoon when Lan Wangji discovered that his father had sold their pager for some money.
He ran to the public park and found the same rusty and pathetic telephone booth that looked barely used. Even though it was raining, he was determined to talk to Wei Wuxian somehow. He wanted to know what would happen between them.
He opened the steel door and placed a coin in the machine and dialed a number. The phone had been picked up but only silence could be heard on the other line.
“...”
“Wei Ying…how are you?”
“I…I’m fine. I’m fine, Lan Zhan”
“Will you be retaking the exam?”
“...I don’t know”
On the other line, Lan Wangji dug into his pockets to find more coins to place into the machine. He placed in as much as he could one after another.
“Don’t worry. I know you can do it.”
“Mhm.”
“Did you change your number?”
“Oh. My dad said he would pick up the phone but no one was talking on the other end.”
“That wasn’t me.”
“I know.”
Wei Wuxian stood in front of the telephone in a dimly lit room. He slowly slid down to the cold wooden floor trying to find some kind of stability that would anchor him. All this time, he hesitated. He couldn’t bear to hear his voice.
“Wei Ying, you didn’t tell me you moved.”
“...”
Lan Wangji pursed his lips and continued to add coins to the machine.
“Is everything alright with you and Mianmian?”
There was silence for a while before Lan Wangji heard a slightly deep exhale.
“She said that being with me is like a movie. It isn’t…real.”
Lan Wangji looked down at the dirty and muddy floor he was standing on. The rain was seeping into the booth. The rust around the edges of the telephone. The smell of silver from the coins in his hand. He wondered how he had ended up here.
“Love…First Love is like an epic movie. What do you think, Lan Zhan?”
Lan Wangji felt the grip he had on the phone start to loosen and instead started to shake.
“Actually,” He cleared his throat once before continuing, “I…one of my seniors wrote a song. Is it okay if I play it for you?”
“...”
Lan Wangji placed the telephone between his shoulder and ear as he took off his backpack and searched through his things to find a record player. He took out a red and rusty player and pressed play. A melody started playing as the words intertwined softly with the sound of the rain.
Out of everyone you came into my mind
I've been trying so hard not to think of you
But the memories brought me back again
Making time go by without a trace
I've decided to love, only one for the rest of my life
So I have more time to miss you
If I have another chance, I will surely love again…
Throughout the song, shaky breaths could be heard over the phone.
“Lan Zhan…Wǎn'ān”
A long beep resonated within that rusty and old telephone box.
“Wangji! Over here!”
A woman standing far away on a park bench waved enthusiastically to call Lan Wangji’s attention. Although her features had matured and grown, she still tied her hair up into a bun.
“Luo Qingyang, it’s been a long time.”
Lan Wangji promptly sat down next to her on the long park bench that gave a perfect view of the beach and its moving waters. Although she no longer had that youthful glimmer to her eyes, she still kept that upbeat attitude.
“Wangji, haven’t we known each other long enough? Just call me Mianmian.”
“Mhm.”
She looked away and stared deeply into the oceanic view in front of her. She looked longingly as if trying to find answers to her own questions.
“So, you wanna know about Wei Wuxian, huh?”
“...what?”
Lan Wangji had planned to ask her about him but decided to only ask later on in case she still held some feelings. After all, they dated again in college.
“It’s alright. I know about it.”
She picked at the loose threads on her denim jeans and kept tapping her foot on the concrete.
“You know, it took me years to understand that liking boys is…innate. If I had known…If he had told me, it would have saved us a lot of time. It...It would have saved a lot of heartache.”
She looked back at him with a tear falling slowly from her face. She felt that she had wasted her life trying to make someone love her. She felt that all her aches, pains, and tears were useless. She felt that her life was led in a direction that she never planned on taking.
“Wangji, life is too simple to be overcomplicated.”
“My beloved is radiant and ruddy,
distinguished among ten thousand.”
Lan Wangji walked up a steep hill bringing along with him a bouquet. He looked around to see the many other bouquets scattered all over most of the tombstones in the cemetery. He continued to walk along the graves trying to search for the one he was looking for.
All of them bore crosses along with candles whose flames had already been extinguished. He stopped walking once he arrived at the tombstone with a large cross along with a name engraved in silver, ‘Xiao Xingchen’
Lan Wangji knelt and offered to the tomb his flowers. He wasn’t in any rush to leave so he stayed there for quite some time until he heard some footsteps approaching him. The closer it came to him, the slower the person paced.
“You must be Lan Wangji?”
An older man looked at him and promptly sat next to Lan Wangji.
“My name is Song Lan. It’s nice to meet you.”
He offered a shake of his hand but Lan Wangji felt cautious of his intentions until he remembered a story from the reunion about the man Father Xingchen lived with.
Song Lan laughed to himself, “He told me a lot of stories about your class and especially about you. You know, there was another student who came here a lot. He talked quite a lot and seemed to have the same interests as you.”
“Mhm.”
“Actually, I knew Xingchen since we were young…and I lived with him after he stopped serving in the church.”
“Stopped?”
“Yes, he said he would never enter heaven.” He looked at Lan Wangji, “It’s my fault. It’s because of me. If it weren’t for me, he would be in heaven.”
“No, he’s a good man.”
“If it weren’t for me…”
“I am sure… that he loved you as much as you loved him.”
Song Lan clenched his fists together and relaxed them soon after before placing them on the grass.
“Thank you.”
“Many waters cannot quench love,
neither can floods drown it.”
In a small town by the mountains, Lan Wangji walked under the cloudless night sky. The streetlights filled most of the area with a warm light that reflected beautifully on the cobblestone houses and streets. It was late at night when most of the locals went to drink in bars or stay late in 24-hour cafes to finish some extra work. When Lan Wangji entered this quiet cafe, he made his way to the counter and ordered a drink.
“That will be 15 dollars, sir!”
“Mhm.” He handed out the money.
“Thank you, sir! Please wait for your order there at the side.”
As Lan Wangji turned around, he was met with the sight of a familiar face. He couldn’t help the sharp inhale he took as he felt his heart thumping loudly in his ears. He questioned whether or not the person sitting down next to the window was an illusion.
“Wei..”
After all the years of searching yet, he could not find the courage to walk up to him. He took his order from the counter and made his way to a seat that was on the other side of the cafe where he would be able to watch Wei Wuxian from a distance and start his plan on how to start a conversation. He watched as Wei Wuxian busily typed words into his laptop and sighed in frustration along with some frustrated whispers.
“This guy…!”
It felt like the first time they had ever met. In the same way that Lan Wangji found Wei Wuxian among a crowd of people. His eyes never looked away.
Time slipped by in that cafe and Lan Wangji watched as Wei Wuxian packed up his stuff and left the door. He soon felt alert and followed right after yet once he went out of the cafe door, the man was nowhere to be seen. Feeling as though he lost him, Lan Wangji was determined to come to the cafe again the next day.
After deciding his course of action, he continued to explore the small town. He stopped to look at the intriguing figures placed in the display window of an antique shop. When he stepped forward to look closer, he felt a tap on his shoulder and looked around.
“...Lan Zhan. It really is you.”
“Wei…Wei Ying.”
Although Wei Wuxian had more wrinkles around his eyes and that he seemed older than he remembered, to Lan Wangji, he still looked perfectly beautiful like he was blessed since birth. He grew his longer up to his shoulders and still had that charming and carefree smile he carried since high school.
“I was about to go back into the cafe but I saw you walk out.”
“I saw you too.”
“In the cafe? Why didn’t you come over?”
“Well..”
Wei Wuxian laughed to himself and held out his hand for Lan Wangji to hold, “Come on, let’s walk as we talk.”
They continued to walk along the streets with no certain direction of where they were heading to. They just looked at each other, laughed, turned away, and looked back again. It felt new.
“So, Lan Zhan, were you here to visit Father Xinghcen?”
“Yes, I wanted to thank him.”
“Really?”
“...He wanted to save me from what he once experienced.”
“Well,” Wei Wuxian stopped walking and turned to face Lan Wangji, ”We did a lot of stupid things. You know, I’m confessing to you now, I did all of that just to make you…lose your feelings.”
Wei Ying looked to the ground not uttering another word. Lan Wangji came close and held the tip of his fingers.
“Wei Ying…losing my feelings for you? It wouldn’t be that easy.”
Lan Wangji could hear a soft laugh from the man in front of him, “Still such a jokester.” He looked up and directed his gaze to Lan Wangji, “You know, Lan Zhan…I used to think of you as my soulmate.”
“I still am.”
“But, Lan Zhan, who would have known the world would change so suddenly after twenty years? It was all so unfamiliar back then. It was dangerous. Our wings would have been clipped as soon as we soared through the sky.”
“Are you still afraid?”
Wei Wuxian looked up only to find understanding in Lan Wangji’s eyes. It was a comforting feeling to find someone who knows you. Someone who could…
“Lan Zhan, I really loved you back then.”
Lan Wangji stopped moving and just watched as Wei Wuxian started to pour himself out.
“Every time we hung out, it…my feelings only grew deeper and I knew…I knew we wouldn’t end well. I asked Mianmian a favor. I asked her to find someone for you. I asked her…to help you stay away from me."
Wei Wuxian held Lan Wangji’s hand and brought it up to his face, “Lan Zhan, you are made for greatness, I would have held you back.”
“Wei Ying, I didn’t need any correcting.”
“I know…I know that now.”
Lan Wangji let go of Wei Wuxian’s hand and looked at the building they stopped in front of. He looked back to see Wei Wuxian’s face as he came to an understanding.
“ah...I took up too much of your time. Um, my hotel is the other way…so, I’ll see you when I see you?”
“Mhm… See you soon, Wei Ying”
“...See you soon, Lan Zhan”
As Wei Wuxian turned the other way, Lan Wangji began to walk up the stairs to his hotel room. Today, the blurry past was able to come together in the bright present. No matter how devastating and tragic, they both held it safely in their hearts. They laughed, they talked, and they kept on moving forward. As Lan Wangji was about to turn the doorknob, he heard hurried footsteps behind him along with heavy breaths.
“Lan Zhan!”
Wei Wuxian shouted from down below before he walked slowly up the flight of stairs until he was one step below Lan Wangji.
“Lan Zhan, I hope that this isn’t just me but I wanted to get it off my chest. After all, who knows when the world will change again, right?"
"So, Lan Zhan, Lan Wangji, Wǎn'ān…goodnight. Every time I told you this, I meant it.”
He nervously shifted his hand on the railings, “ In other words, I love you.”
Wei Wuxian could see the slight tremor in Lan Wangji’s hand and could see a flood of emotions seeping through him. Wei Wuxian felt slightly worried about the prolonged silence and thought he was being rejected…and ignored.
“I know it’s so sudden but一”
“Do you mean it?”
“...I do.”
It was a sudden rush that was wholeheartedly welcomed by Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji pressed their lips together slowly and passionately as their hands start to roam each other’s hair.
They seemed to fit together like a completed puzzle piece where everything was where it was meant to be. It felt like the stars shined extra brighter just so they could find each other in this dark world.
Wei Wuxian was the first to break their long kiss, “Lan Zhan, do you want to continue walking with me?”
“Together?”
Wei Wuxian smiled brightly with tears brimming in his eyes. He looked at the man in front of him as he remembered the years when he seemed so out of reach. So close yet he couldn’t touch it for fear of what would happen. In fear of what destruction it could bring.
“Mhm. Together…and that’s how it’ll stay. What do you think?”
“Mhm. forever.”
Wei Wuxian gave a quick peck on Lan Wangji’s lips and held his hand. They both walked down together and down the streets, forever walking side-by-side. Never would they be separated again as every road they walked led them back to each other. And as they strolled past the streets, a familiar melody played in their hearts.
You're buried deep down in the dust
If I didn't do so, I wouldn't be able to live the rest of my life
Living in a city that only reminds me of you
Holding the key to fly into the sky
You continue to fly, and don't worry cause I'm always here for you
They spent the rest of their lives saying goodnight to each other and maybe including a little boy who came into their life along the way.
The End.