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Scara-Bugs

Summary:

Scaramouche gives himself a little treat!!

Notes:

Normal fanfiction

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

You were never fond of bugs, no matter how big or small they were. The thought of multiple small, annoying, and honestly disgusting pests climbing all over your body was not something you would ever enjoy. How do you know this? Your past experience.. with lice. As a child growing up, you always had lice. To the point they infested your hair completely, and you could always feel them biting at your scalp and skin. The feeling of small little legs crawling on your body and head, the looks of disgust from other people, the sound of people making fun of you.. It was too much.

Luckily, you went to a specialist (somewhere in the forest, a green humanoid-fox treated your hair) and got that shit checked out! No more lice.. or bugs. Though, you met a lone wanderer while passing through the forests of Sumeru a few months ago. This wasn't your first time seeing him, you had seen him drifting from place to place often. It took you a while to strike up a conversation, and at the time he seemed rude and bold. Today though, you find yourself sitting near a river in the forest with this young-male. There was a comfortable silence, and the two of you were doing your own thing.

To be quite frank, you were getting tired of sitting against a tree and reading this dull book. You never understood how he could spend his days not bored, seriously, doesn't walking around in random directions get repetitive? You turned towards him, he seemed to be stone-skipping for whatever unknown reason.

"Scaramouche," you call out to him. "Do you want to go somewhere else? My back might combust if I lay against this tree any longer."

He stared at the water for a minute, turning to you as he responded plainly. "Sure. Where do you want to go?" "Do you want to walk to my house? Or yours? Come to think of it, I dont think I've ever seen your home." You try to picture what his home would look like. Maybe a small cottage? Or does he maybe live in a hut?

"I don't have a home," he says firmly.

"Oh. Okay then, to my home then!" Ignoring his random lore-drop (a rather depressing and worrying one), you walk alongside him towards your comfortable abode. "Hey, you know you can stay with me, right? I don't mind sharing my place with you; as long as you don't fuck anything up.."

"I don't want to burden you. Besides, I'd rather wander around wherever I please. It's nice knowing I'm not bound to any area." You accept his response, continuing to walk home. Passing by many animals, you make sure to stay away from any bugs that might just crawl up your leg. Its calm, the crunch of the leaves below your feet is undoubtedly very soothing.

"Scara, I have a question." You spare a quick glance at him.

"Hm? Shoot."

"Do you like bugs?"

There was a few seconds of silence from him. "...No, why? They're insignificant to me, I don't feel any particular way about them." His response surprised you a bit, it was almost like he hesitated before responding.

"I was just wondering. A lot of people don't seem to mind bugs." You wonder if his response actually holds true to his unfiltered thoughts.

"I tolerate them, I guess," he pauses before quickly responding- almost shushing you. "They don't mean anything. Keep walking."

"Oh, would you look at that? We're already home! Guess that conversation took up enough time."

You walk in, making sure the house doesn't look displeasing. You glance at Scaramouche again, before flinching a bit. "AAHHH, SCARA! There's like, a BUG. On your FACE." You panic, rushing to grab a paper towel. The bug was huge! I mean, you've never seen anything like it before. It had a dozen legs paired with tiny (although, larger than usual for a bug) horns. It looked like it was even trying to bite him!

“Fool. It's not that deep. " You stare at him, surprised. Then, your jaw drops as you watch him do something you wouldn't expect out of anyone; let alone him of all people! "Making such a big deal out of this? You might be weaker than I thought." The color drains from your face as you watch him pick the bug off of his face, and eat it. "Traveler, it's fine. No need to worry."

The horror on your face doesn't dissipate as you watch him chew on the bug slowly, a pleased expression adorning his face. He was savoring the taste! Is he insane?! Who in their right mind would enjoy eating such a giant bug? Apparently, Scaramouche did, and you were none the wiser.

As you continued to stare, you could only muster out a small 'okay'.

You forget about him and the bug rather quickly. In the corner of your eyes, though, you could see Scaramouche going through your utensil cabinet. You found nothing about this necessarily unusual; especially after the terrifying scene you had just witnessed. You choose to ignore him and the random spoon Scaramouche had quietly plucked from the cabinet. Having no clue where he had went, you decided to get yourself a small snack and try to sit through this dull book and read some more on your couch.

As you lay there, the urge to use the bathroom had begin to creep up on you. One might say you need to use the potty, tinkle, even. You slowly get up, stretching a bit.

Where did Scaramouche go, anyways?

You walk to your bathroom and notice the closed door. Although you could have a bit of decency and knock, you thought to yourself, puppets don't need to use the bathroom. Or at least you think they don't. The idea of it makes you cringe.

You gently opened the door, before you pause and stare at what's looking back at you.

You immediately regret not having the courtesy to just knock.

Staring back at you was none other than Scaramouche, your friend- maybe even a crush- sitting in your tub with a spoon. The spoon has BUGS IN IT.

”Scaramouche, what the fuck are you doing.." You step closer, and you step on his hat that's on the floor. Oh my god, theres even more of.. lice.. are those fleas? What even is the other species of bugs?! It looks like the lice and fleas had a damn love child! You screech in horror, as Scaramouche stares at you (similar to a wet cat). "SCARA, WHAT THE FUCK?" You step back, tears welling up in your eyes.

"Uh.. Hey. Im just.. you know-"

"KNOW WHAT?!" You scream, throwing a towel at Scaramouche.

"Calm down.. I'm just uh. Eating my.." He pauses, not wanting to continue. His actions speak for him, as you watch him shove the spoon of lice, fleas, and other species in his mouth. You look at him in horror, what the fuck! "Is that why you took a spoon from my kitchen?!"

"Um. Yes, that's why.. Do you want it back?.." He mutters, showing the spoon to you.

"Of course I don't want the fucking spoon, are you insane?" He stares at you, before shaking his hair a bit into the tub. Even more lice fly out, like a fucking snowstorm. They fly across the room, and a screech immediately escapes your throat. You have to get out of here! You are not going through another lice epidemic in your hair, and it definitely wont be because of that insane puppets fault!

The doorknob is in reach, and your hand tries to grab it.

But it appears fate doesn't have that in store for you.

"You know what? Fuck you, kill yourself, Traveler. I thought you'd accept me and my bug-eating habits." He gets up from the tub, slicing you in half with his anemo vision (lovingly). Your blood spews all over the bathroom and covers the walls like a childrens painting experiment. "I actually had a massive boner in my pants because of you, but then, I decided it'd be better if you KILLED YOURSELF NOW! Since you didn't accept my bug eating habits, you have to pay the price, you witch."

After the gruesome event, Scaramouche steals your home, and happily continues to eat his bugs (because he doesn't know his 'bugs' are called lice, fleas and 'flice'.)

Notes:

Updated this fic 3 years later guys! Hope you enjoy my master piece