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One hand stretches up to his ceiling, the other stuffed under his belt. With closed eyes, he daydreams. Something lustful and raunchy, doing the deed in strange places or with weird toys. Only the off-putting shit gets him off nowadays. He guesses this is a side effect of making poor life decisions. He hasn’t seen his birth parents in eleven years, been nine years since he began bouncing between group homes. Then a short stint with a cult-like family that had too many kids. That quickly led to black trash bags of belongings left outside the front door. Locks were changed. He walked himself back to the agency, they said they’d give him one final shot at another home.
He still keeps his belongings in trash bags. It’s fine. Kaeya’s old enough to be on his own now. Alone, he jerks off in his quiet room.
A room at the Localodge Motel in Springvale costs $60 a night with tax. Seems cheap at first, but that’s $1800 a month. No kitchen. One bed with a piss-stained mattress. Mold in the walls. Disabled fire alarm. Owners cut him a pity discount, told him he looks like a little boy lost in the adult world, but he’s still gotta pay something. Customer’s a customer. Though, there was something about Kaeya worth capitalising in. Too dazzling to belong to this desolate pitstop. Diamond in the rough. It was like keeping him was in investment, some type of attraction. They gave him the cheapest room at $25 a night. First floor facing the highway. Six months ago, a man his age overdosed in it so people stay wary of the cursed room. Kaeya told them he could care less about ghosts when he took the keys. Ghosts are good listeners, he said.
“How’d you get stuck in Springvale?” Asked the owner, “thought younglings all wanted to see the big cities.”
“Hitched my way here.”
The old lady hums, “trucker kicked you out?”
“I didn’t want to keep going with him. It’s fine. I like the cornfields.”
“You’ll get sick of them soon, darling. Don’t stay here too long. It’ll wear you down.”
Kaeya took the keys from her shortly after. It’s been three months of living life in Springvale.
After the religious family came his final placement, his last chance. Single dad with a son his age in a beautiful house on the East Coast. They were nice. It’s been two years since he last saw them.
He sits in his faux leather red-chair facing the window. Across the highway is one of the many fields of corn. For as far as the eye can see, rows of yellow-toped stocks line the rolling fields. The ground’s all artificial. Anthropocentric futurities of pesticides and poisoned soils. They grow a lot of corn around here. It’s the only damn crop that’ll grow. He watches the long stocks sway in the wind, their leaves shaking with the cool breeze under the sizzling hot sun. His hand rises up, mimicking the motion. Eyes get lost in his own wiggling fingers, dazzled by the fluidity of atmospheric pressure systems. An ineffective distraction from the empty pit in his stomach. His eyes wander to the empty desk by the bathroom.
“Right there,” he points, “I’ll put a toaster oven. Next to it, I’ll buy an induction cooker.”
He talks to himself often. He strokes himself faster, the sound of calloused skin against his dry dick sounds through the room.
“I’ll get a full fridge too, with a freezer. I’m gonna eat eggs every morning. Toast too. And for dinner, chicken.”
Roast chicken is junk food for the rich. He leans back into his bed licking his lips and grinding his teeth as if tearing off the crisp skin from a thigh, rosemary and salt lace his tongue. That was the red head boy’s favourite meal, the closest he ever got to a brother. Just the boy and his father, no mother. They had a ridiculously large house with too many empty bedrooms and it was far from everything, probably ideal for a foster home as there was nowhere to run off to. Not that Kaeya ever wanted to leave that family. It was the perfect home with kind maids and beautiful meadows to play in, no rules about running up the stairs and slamming doors. The red-headed boy was a cheeky thing too, always playing light-hearted pranks on Kaeya like switching the salt out for sugar. He was a good boy. Played the violin and was on a soccer team.
Kaeya sits up. His eyes are wet. His limp member likely won’t give him any satisfaction today, so he gives up on the hand job. Maybe he’ll find someone fun for tonight.
“What was your name again?” He looks out his window.
“David? No, something more interesting then that. Declan, no,” his mind clears, “ah, Diluc. Diluc Ragnvindr. You probably go to college now, Diluc. Do you study literature? Maybe history? You’re doing something really cool right now… Diluc Ragnvindr.”
He smiles when he says that name. Diluc’s his manifestation. Diluc, Diluc, the flame in my spirit, the burning in my heart. Diluc, Diluc, your name will bring me luck, right? Lucky, lucky Diluc. I should celebrate you, Diluc. Bring me good fortune. I’ll cheer to you, Diluc, Diluc.
•••
Across the road from the motel, there’s a diner. It offers a fifty-percent discount to motel guests as long as they do not add guacamole or extra meat to any of the plates. More potatoes are never an issue, though. With memories of salted rosemary still lingering in his mouth, he moseys his way over. Unfortunately, they don’t even add pepper to their meals.
This town’s dead, but the diner’s not. A lot of people drive through and stop by for lunch. Their eyes are caught by the retro styled décor and the chance to snap some photos to symbolize their cross-country adventure, a nameless pitstop remembered by overcooked chicken tenders and wilted salad. He enters the diner and grabs a booth along the window. There aren’t many other spots available today.
“The usual for today, doll?” The waitress comes by instantly, recognizing her regular.
He nods, “can I get black coffee too?”
“No creamer?”
“Well, maybe two. Yeah- just two, if you can, thanks.”
She smiles and nods, leaving and returning shortly with his hot beverage. She won’t charge him for it.
He places the cup between his hands, palms on the hot ceramic. It burns at first. A shock to the skin that makes him bite his lips but quickly, the heat dissipates into his body. The thin veins in his hands turn plump to feed him his warmth. Lately, he shivers so much. He grips the cup and tries to pick it up, right to his lips, but he barely moves. His brows furrow. The coffee splashes up past the rim and down his arms.
“The fuck is wrong with me?” He frustrates himself, flicking coffee off his dry skin.
“A lot, apparently.”
His gaze shoots to where he would expect the waitress to be, but no one’s there. I didn’t say that. He looks forward. His skin flushes.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost. How’ve you been, Kaeya?”
Diluc, Diluc, since when do you answer prayers? The shaggy red hair of the young boy has grown out into long locks, his round face restructured into the features of a man, and his voice so nonchalant. Kaeya’s eyes shake, trying to make some sense of the sight. He’s flipping a menu, has a shadow, is not a replica of another adult he knows- this is a real person.
“Maybe I should ask a different question: where have you been, Kaeya?”
Kaeya looks out the window, then the front door. I could run for it, he thinks, but then he looks at the coffee. It’s a paid product and if he leaves now, it’ll be a dine and dash. He wouldn’t dare ruin his reputation at his only stable food option.
“Kaeya- look at me.”
He does so. His dark eyes meet the bright eyes of Diluc, the one and only Diluc Ragnvindr. The whites are so white, the colour so saturated, his face without a single blemish. His eyes have no reason to ever be disgraced by an eyebag, wrinkles are a foreign concept to this inorganic beauty. Still, there is no denying that something has changed. His eyebrows are thicker and lower, hair distressed- but it comes down to the lack of smiles. Diluc Ragnvindr always smiled.
“You’re Diluc Ragnvindr,” Kaeya says something.
“And you’re Kaeya. No last name still?”
Kaeya’s silent. Diluc studies him in equal silence. His hair has been dyed a crappy shade of navy, probably box dye gone wrong. Still, he looks the same. Big eyes, warm skin, slight discolouration of his right eyelid. He looks tall.
“I found you, caught you,” Diluc says with so little emotion, not joy as if Kaeya was a prize nor any disappointment.
Kaeya winces, already fearing the upcoming questions, knowing exactly what to expect. He looks with wet eyes at the first boy he called his friend. How quickly it all went away. As he looks forward, his mind races to memorize every new feature of Diluc, to make sense of his change, his growth, his present self.
“I’ll start with the elephant in the room. Why did you runaway, Kaeya?”
Kaeya eyes the diner’s exit and curses his coffee. Avoiding confrontation is inevitable.
“How did you find me, Diluc?” He sighs, eyes closing.
“I’d say it’s luck, but I’ve been meaning to run into you. There are only so many places as shitty as this, but their fun to stop by and romanticize Americana. Are you traveling?”
“No. I live here.”
Diluc winces, “sorry to hear that.”
Kaeya rolls his eyes. If this were anyone else, his suave would get him out of this. Unfortunately, he forgets his slick tactics when faced with the past.
“Why do you wear all black? You’re a goth now?” Kaeya chuckles at the long-gone buttercup of a boy. His eyes go straight to the phoenix tattoo on his right arm.
“Kind of, I don’t know. I blame it on my dad’s passing. I’ve been on the road since.”
Kaeya bites his lip, finger stops tapping against the table.
“I’m sorry to hear that. He was a good father.”
Diluc shrugs it off, “you know, he was going to adopt you. He really loved you. Spoke about you weekly, sometimes daily. One that got away, he said. He loved the way you always had your face buried in a book; how studious you were.”
Kaeya’s fingers tap on the table.
“When he passed, I found out he started a college fund for you. Always wanted the best for you, Kaeya. Unfortunately for you, he never wrote a will.”
“Yeah. Poor me.”
The waitress comes by with Kaeya’s meal. Salisbury steak with gravy and two serving of home fries, a few steamed broccoli pieces too. Bacon on the side. Kaeya gives Diluc a fry and digs into the steak. Diluc steals a piece of bacon too.
He stops chewing, “listen, Diluc. I didn’t run away. Well, I didn’t mean to. I was aging, I thought it was my time to go. You don’t have to guilt trip me.”
“You were still a teenager. Sixteen, right? Or were you still fifteen? You really think you were old enough to be on your own?”
Kaeya chews faster. Unfortunately, this places charges for take-out containers. He’s given some time to eat in silence.
“I think about you a lot,” Diluc continues.
“You’re not the only one. A lot say I’m pretty unforgettable.”
It takes Diluc a moment before gagging to himself. It makes Kaeya chuckle. He’s too filthy for this posh boy. He scarfs down more food, mostly to outpace Diluc’s nimble fingers from taking too much. For a reunion like this, Kaeya always imagined he’d have more to say. Though, this is not the Diluc he expected. Where are the books, the degrees, the smile? What a shame. Before he knows it, the meal is almost done.
“What’s next for you, Diluc?”
Diluc leans back into the seat, “I don’t know. I’m on a search for something. I just want to be… free, like you, Kaeya.”
His fork drops, a loud clatter of metal on porcelain makes the diner go quiet. He forces himself to swallow the half-chewed potato in his dry mouth.
“You think I’m free?”
“Land of the free, Kaeya, aren’t we all?”
Kaeya digs into his pocket and finds a $10 bill. Typically, he’d ask for the $2.47 in change back but today, he’ll let the waitress keep the tip. Without a second thought, he gets up and leaves, passing the cash to her on his way out. He leaves behind a fifth of his meal, his change, and the silhouette of a gone friend. Outside, he turns back once. No one comes out from the diner chasing after him, the boy who would have done that does not exist anymore.
Diluc, Diluc has grown up. Privileged with wealth and naivety have caused him to have no understanding of freedom.
His fingers run through his scalp, tears fill his eyes. When he returns home, the first thing he does is shower until there’s no more hot water left.
•••
By seven in the evening, the town’s dead quiet. Everyone’s long on their way to their destination and the few businesses available are closed for the evening. Still, that does not mean there is nothing to do. Kaeya heads out with a light coat and sunglasses. Hands stuffed in his pocket, looking down. At the backside of the motel, there’s an empty pool that faces west. The lounge chairs make it the perfect place to watch the early summer’s sunset.
There’s no one there today, as always. He sits back and prepares himself to doze off, indulging in a fictional reality. Maybe he will dream of a mafia universe where he’s the boss, the massive crew underneath him and he has all the money in the country. No, positions of power are not his thing. Plus, mafias hurt people, he wants to help them. A police officer? No, those hurt people too. How about working in a library, or maybe life as a barista, something unattainable…
“…Give it back!”
A woman shouts in the distance. Alarmed, distress. Without thinking twice, Kaeya bolted off in the direction of her voice. There are some real scum around here, the men can be assholes. It is never a good idea to be out here alone at night if you can’t protect yourself. She’s somewhere near the side of the motel, close to the lobby. He’s there almost instantly, but someone beat him to it.
“Thank you, thank you! You saved me, my handsome hero,” the woman giggles flirtatiously.
On the ground, a man rub the side of his face, a black eye already prominent.
“I didn’t save you. He was just trying to steal your purse,” says Diluc, awkwardly stepping back.
It’s Donna. Lives on the opposite side of the motel from Kaeya and is often out late singing to herself like a banshee. Total freak, whispers to herself about her future wedding. Every man who treats her with kindness becomes a new obsession. Kaeya was the target of it his first week in town, but she moved on after a couple days when a hot motorcyclist came in.
She takes Diluc by the arm, “you just came out of nowhere, like an answer to my prayers. I don’t see a lot of men who look like you around here. You take good care of yourself hey?”
Diluc swats her hand away. She crosses her legs and pushes her chest towards him.
“Why don’t you come to my room? I can thank you formally,” she whispers in his ear, but Kaeya still hears.
“He’s with me, Donna. Fuck off already,” says Kaeya, dismissing her.
She glares daggers at him but drops Diluc’s arm, “see you, darling. I’ll be here!”
Waiting until she retreats into her room, Kaeya goes to Diluc and starts dragging him away by the wrist. He doesn’t listen to what the other has to say, he just wants to get Diluc out of here, on his vehicle off to anywhere, a place far away ideally. But his arm is yanked back and he falls into the other’s chest. Kaeya quickly gets back into his feet and crosses his arms.
“Get out of here, Diluc. Go continue your soul search elsewhere,” says Kaeya.
“Can’t. Bike’s out of gas and the station’s closed. I’ll crash somewhere for the night.”
Kaeya looks at the parking lot and sees his ride right away. A beautiful, shiny motorcycle in all black with sparse red accents. He sighs, a headache taking over him almost instantly.
“You can’t leave that out here. It’ll get keyed by the morning or your tires will get slashed,” Kaeya starts walking towards it, “we’ll bring into my room.”
Diluc’s obviously confused, but nods as if he understands. It takes the two of them twenty minutes of pushing to get it into Kaeya’s place. It ran over Diluc’s foot once but he didn’t say anything. The bike leaves a black tire mark on his carpet. It will probably never come out.
“You’re not going to find a room tonight,” says Kaeya.
“I can sleep outside. The weather’s good.”
Kaeya furrows his brows, “you can stay here, ‘Luc. Just don’t come on my side of the mattress.”
“We’re sharing a bed?”
“Do you want the floor?” Kaeya raises a brow.
Diluc clears his throat, “I’ll put a pillow between us.”
It’s way too early to go to bed so in silence, Diluc reads one of Kaeya’s books while Kaeya plays a crossword puzzle. They do this until the sun’s gone. On a clear night like this, Kaeya would rather be outside. He admires the stars, the complexity of their arrangement, how their brightness does not necessarily indicate distance. He imagines each star hanging by a rope as if the world was a stage and he a mere puppet who searches for his puppeteer. Someone out there pulls his strings and picks his words. He closes his curtains. From his drawer, he pulls out spare sweatpants from Diluc. They might be a little short. Somehow, Diluc’s outgrown him. He stares too long at the other man who is lost in the world of Oliver Twist. His mouth opens to ask Diluc his age, but he did not want to insult him by forgetting such an important detail. He’s older than him, likely. It’s an assumption. Kaeya changes out of his clothes in the middle of the room, Diluc turns away.
“I’m going to bed now,” says Kaeya.
“Good night,” says Diluc.
Kaeya lies down, staring blankly at the ceiling. This is so weird, he thinks to himself.
“Diluc?” Kaeya says.
“Yeah?”
He’s actually here. What the hell.
“You should leave tomorrow, okay?”
Diluc hums, “I know. Good night, Kaeya. Thanks for your hospitality.”
“Night, ‘Luc.”
•••
“In a country far, far away, there’s a town called Mondstadt. It’s surrounded by water with mysterious creatures and a big stone wall protects the people inside. In the middle, there is a fountain where you can throw coins in for good luck and every Spring, there is a large festival of dancing and singing and art- you can do whatever you want in Mondstadt! Oh, and at the top of the town, there is a massive statue of their God. It’s like, four times bigger than my house!”
Diluc shows his illustrations to his new guest. In crayon, he depicts Mondstadt. Bright blue skies and quaint buildings that come straight from a medieval fairy tale. With pride, Diluc stands on top of a stool with a pillow case tied around his neck like a cape. They’re the shed, fairy lights dangle across the ceiling and old finger paintings are plastered on the walls. Kaeya’s on the edge of his seat, big eyed with nods of affirmation for everything the other boy says.
“Who’s the God? Is he scary?” Kaeya is filled with concern.
Diluc shakes his head, “his name is Barbatos and he’s all about freedom. He doesn’t have rules, except to have fun and be kind. He rides a dragon too.”
“Dragons are seriously real?” Kaeya’s jaw drops.
He proudly nods, “yup. I’ve seen them before myself. But sometimes, dragons can be really dangerous and blow fire from their mouths. So, I think we must become knights.”
“With swords? I don’t think that’s an actual job,” Kaeya becomes puzzled, second guessing the legitimacy of Mondstadt.
“It literally is! The queen has knights, did you know that? It’s like being a police officer, but for a kingdom and instead of criminals, we deal with dragons. I’ll use a big sword and you’ll use a little sword,” proposes Diluc.
Kaeya frowns, “why do I get the little sword?”
“Because you’re younger. It’s a good thing, you’ll be more agile and can move faster, but I’ll do more damage. It can work well together. Oh! And in Mondstadt, some people get superpowers.”
Diluc opens up one of the dressers and pulls out a small box with a trinket. Wrapped in a handkerchief, he pulls out an orange orb. Carefully, he places it in Kaeya’s shaking hands.
“This is a vision. It won’t work for you, because it only works for its owner, which is me. Mines is pyro, so I have the power of fire,” explains Diluc.
Kaeya looks closely into the rock. He notices an ant embedded in it, “I’m pretty sure this is amber, not a vision.”
Diluc groans, “it’s a vision. I’ll prove it to you.”
“Oh really? Do it.”
“Fine, I will.”
Diluc takes back the amber and places it between his hands. He closes his eyes and presses his palms together, closer and closer until his knuckles start to go white. Kaeya starts to get nervous, looking around and waiting for the air to change temperatures. Fire is dangerous, what if Diluc still can’t control his vision? Right as his anxiety kicks in, the lights turn off.
“Hah!” Cheers Diluc.
“Ahh!” Screams Kaeya.
Kaeya feels around in a panic, fingers searching for Diluc. When he catches his arm, he pulls himself forward and clings onto the other, face buried in his chest. Diluc wraps his arm arounds him and holds onto a wooden sword.
“I think we are under attack, Kaeya! It might be the Hilichurls!”
“Hilichurls? Oh no!” Sobs Kaeya.
“Yup! They’re human-like monsters that descend from a lost civilization. They were killed by the Gods,” shares Diluc, the narrative still going.
Kaeya cries, “that’s too scary, Diluc! Take it back!”
But before Diluc can change the story, Crepus opens up the shed. He has a plate of cookies and milk ready, both of which he almost drops as Kaeya runs over and clings onto his waist.
“What did you do, Diluc?” Sighs the father.
“Nothing! Kaeya’s scared of dragons.”
Kaeya groans, “I’m not scared of dragons. I’m scared of hilichurls.”
Crepus gives Diluc a blank stare of confusion, “please don’t scare Kaeya. How about the three of us have a snack outside?”
Bitterly, Kaeya agrees to it but gets over the argument quickly, Diluc taking him by the hand to a spot by their pond. Something about the garden, whether it be the chirp of the birds of the colours of butterflies puts him at ease. In nature, he can breathe. Under the warm summer sun with the company of his strange new family and the sweetness of homemade cookies, Kaeya can catch his breath. Unbeknown to himself, he smiles.
•••
A tall stack of thick, buttermilk pancakes drenched in syrup with a slab of butter on top. On the side, some sausages and bacon strips. Two scrambled eggs with extra fresh cracked pepper. To help it go down, a big glass of orange juice. This excessive meal would be enjoyed on the occasional lucky Sunday under the Ragnvindr roof. Crepus had a lot of maids and the head one, named Adelaide, was an amazing chef too. She could make anything the boys wanted, so long as there was at least one vegetable.
Kaeya stirs in his bed, slowly rolling around and squinting from the morning sun that blinds him through open curtains. Before his senses begin to sort themselves out, his stomach growls. On his side, he looks for Diluc, but he’s not there. He rolls around.
“Morning,” says Diluc at the single-seated table, “I ordered food.”
Kaeya slowly pulls himself up off the mattress, hands extending up to the sky and twisting side to side as pops go down his spine. Barefoot on the crusted carpet, he shuffles over to the spread of food.
“It’s Sunday morning,” comments Kaeya. The calendar on his wall hasn’t been changed in months.
Diluc nods, “should we go to church?”
“And pray to Barbatos? Don’t think he’ll get me out of this shithole,” chuckles Kaeya.
He rips off the lid of one of the takeout containers and uses it as a plate, serving himself buffet style. He uses Diluc’s ride as a seat. The foods good. He lets it sit in his mouth for a bit, the salty and sweet conglomeration is pure nostalgia. Then, his attention turns to the unwanted guest.
“Testing your luck, Diluc. You haven’t left,” Kaeya talks in reference to his request before he fell asleep.
“I haven’t, no.”
“Maybe this is stupid, but,” Kaeya sighs, wishing he could bite off his tongue- “I was hoping you’d follow me out of the diner yesterday. I think I read too much. Maybe I just want to be wanted. I know you from my memories. Bright eyed child who was always happy, always fantasizing. Thinking of you would transport me away somewhere else.”
Diluc chews silently.
“I’ve thought about our reunion a lot. How it’s been two years since I last saw you. I thought I’d have so much so say. Now, your snobby face annoys me,” continues Kaeya.
“Thanks,” says Diluc.
“I’m not done. You assumed I’d be able to quickly acclimate into your world of a big home with a happy father and maids. I had trauma, a past I could never forget. It burdened me in a way you wouldn’t understand.”
Diluc nods. He’s halfway done his pancakes.
“Do you want to go on a ride?” He offers Kaeya, “I picked up a gas canister this morning. You sleep like a dog.”
“Is this your way of avoiding the issue at hand?” Kaeya rolls his eyes, “where to?”
“I want to see the cornfields.”
“They’ll bore you,” advises Kaeya.
“It’s okay. I want to see them.”
“Fine. Let me eat first.”
Diluc nods. He pours a glass of juice for himself and Kaeya. In silence, they eat.
•••
Monoculture farming changes the climate of the adjacent surroundings. Kaeya read somewhere that the albedo of cropland is ever so slightly higher than a deciduous forest which changes the microclimate, but this is only true when the corn is still in the early development of short buds. When it’s tall and grown like this, it is harder for reflected sunrays to escape the interwoven canopy of leaves and corn stock, and so more is trapped, meaning the albedo is reduced. Or was it the other way around? He thinks, unsure of his own self-taught education. Somehow, this all means that the current season of tall corn stocks has resulted in cool temperatures. It’s nice, the Springvale sun would be otherwise ruthless right now.
Diluc’s bike is parked on the side of the road, they sit only a few yards away facing the corn and blue skies, a rising sun already nearing the zenith.
“Since when have you rode a motorcycle? Never saw you as the rebellious kind,” Kaeya is mildly impressed, but would never admit it.
“Dad got it for me on my eighteenth birthday, not long after you left. He used to ride too. I like it. Helps me take my mind off things,” explains Diluc.
“The wind felt good.”
Diluc nods, “it’s my favourite part. I feel like… the wind frees me.”
Kaeya sits with his jeans on the dry soil, knees pulled up to his chest. He leans back for a bit and feels the air brushing through hot scalp, massaging his temples and feeling his spine. It’s like a spa. The wind creeps up his tank top, releasing his restricted chest the filling up his lungs, replacing the pollution of mold spores. He lies down, dirt to skin in full contact. The sun gently roasts him. Unfortunately, it’s hard to full relax when Diluc is glued onto his every move.
He wanted to see the corn but instead, he has yet to lose his infatuation with the boy his father temporarily raised. It’s hard to not look at his small, delicate waist. Diluc blinks hard. Kaeya’s always been so beautiful, the prettier one of them, he thought. Maybe he was bias. Growing up with him, watching their bodies change in unison. Kaeya’s growth spirts were always first and from the silent position of observer, Diluc watched his face thin out, shoulders broaden, voice drop. He never commented on it, of course. Sometimes, Kaeya would tease him for his voice cracks, but Diluc never did the same back. You’re so much prettier than I ever imagined, Diluc wants to say.
“Stop staring at me,” swats Kaeya away, covering his eyes with his wrist, “you’re ruining my vitamin D absorption.”
“Sorry,” says Diluc, inching away. He realizes now how he casted a shadow over Kaeya.
The swoosh of cars driving and the wind moving through the field becomes melodic. Repetitive noises make Kaeya yawn. Diluc doesn’t want him to sleep.
“Kaeya,” Diluc trembles, “you inspired me.”
The other frowns.
“You are always what I wanted to be. Mature, experienced, with a grasp of this world so intimate it scares me. You chose reality over fantasy,” Diluc continues.
“I didn’t pick reality, I had no choice. Do you genuinely think I wanted this lifestyle?” Kaeya already sounds annoyed.
Diluc picks at the grass. Kaeya can’t see it, but he knows Diluc’s eyes are wet. He is a sensitive man, no doubt about it. Never been good at hiding his emotions, but that’s not a bad thing. Better to let them out than keep them bottled inside.
He rolls onto his side, “I don’t know how to talk to you anymore, Diluc. Four years living with you yet you’re a stranger.”
“Stop it. I’ve been meaning to run into you for over a year now, Kaeya. I was craving familiarity, I felt so lonely without any family. You were always on my mind. Whenever I entered an empty room, or went to water to the garden, or even enter the shed, I hoped to find you. Like nothing happened,” Diluc talks.
“You’re pathetic,” says Kaeya.
But Diluc continues, “at first, I thought it was boredom. I wanted to travel the world and understand new cultures to remove myself from my own, but I realize now how fortunate I am to be me. Then, I realized it was loneliness. Kaeya?”
Kaeya’s sitting up now, eyeing the road. It would take about twenty minutes to hitch back home from here.
“I think I loved you a little too much,” Diluc whispers.
Kaeya stands up and mutters something under his breath, facing away from Diluc. He tugs at his shirt. The feel of stretched cotton plays between his fingers.
“It’s time you leave, Diluc. You have to go home. This place will wear you down,” says Kaeya.
He shakes his head, “I want you to come back with me. I’m growing bitter without you.”
“That sounds like a problem that doesn’t concern me, no? Go. This place isn’t good for you,” Kaeya starts walking towards the road.
“It’s not good for you either, Kaeya-”
Kaeya’s mind swirls, lips twist, “- Tell me what you really want from me, ‘Luc. Have you fantasized about me? Come on, was I your first crush? The one that got away? Now you got me alone in this empty field with no way out. What was your plan?”
Diluc’s eyes widen, “nothing bad- I swear. I- I just want you to be my family- Kaeya… what the fuck?”
“Maybe it’s a good thing I ran away from home. You seriously wouldn’t want to fuck your brother, right?” Kaeya gets close, his finger pointed at the other’s chest, digging into his skin as they close their distance.
Diluc’s stunned. “I don’t, I don’t know Kaeya. I don’t know what you’re saying. I just want you home.”
Kaeya’s brows raise, “oh?”
The runaway lets out a chuckle a bit too shaky to be genuine. His fingers play in the air and shoulders roll, shivers all over the body.
“Maybe I’m the one who’s screwed in the head, I used to be normal, I think,” Diluc tries to defend himself, “I think I just want us to be kids again. I hate being a grownup. It’s so lonely.”
Kaeya can only shake his head in bewilderment. He got the truth out.
Diluc continues, “why did you have to leave, Kaeya?”
His fingers fall, indents left on the other’s cotton shirt. Kaeya’s trembling, gagging, closing his eyes and imagining anywhere else but here. But against the rustle of the corn stocks is the other’s quick breaths, the same sound he’s always made when hiding his cries. Only then did he register his own blurring vision and wet nose. The wind moves him. Pushes him around, trying to knock him off his feet, but Kaeya stays grounded.
“I wish I never saw you again,” Kaeya gently punches the other’s chest.
Diluc catches his hand. He brings it to his heart, his racing beat proof of his anxiety, as if more evidence were needed.
“I can take you home now,” he whispers, “to your home.”
Kaeya nods. Home, wherever that is.
•••
Diluc takes him back to the first-floor corner unit at Localodge. The one that overlooks the highway and smells like Asphalt each time it rains. The room with the mold and stained mattress. The one with no kitchen to make homemade cookies, where the running water has a strong metallic aftertaste. To Diluc, this must be Kaeya’s home. Kaeya hates calling this place his home.
Kaeya’s tired legs carefully steps into his room, shoes sinking into the matted, damp carpet. Damp from what? Hasn’t rained in over a month. Probably from the leaky showers. He thinks not about it. But he thinks much about other things, about Diluc, his unwanted guest. Behind him the motorcyclist stands in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, hugging himself but not Kaeya. If he were to breathe in the air around his neck, would it still smell like chocolate chip cookies? Diluc’s always been harmless. Intimidating surely, but the only person he’d ever harm is himself. Kaeya motions his hand to shut the door.
He has the eyes of a doe. Scanning up and around the room, looking everywhere but at Kaeya. If I tell you to leave, what will you do to yourself? Kaeya wants to ask. Instead, he grabs a water bottle and opens a window to dry the place out.
“What’s next for you?” Kaeya asks instead.
Diluc shrugs, “maybe the coast again. I think the ocean would be nice.”
Kaeya lies down on his bed in a thump. He stretches. He still hasn’t finished jerking himself off from yesterday.
“Seeing you makes me crave cookies,” sighs Kaeya.
Diluc’s lips part in a quiet pop, he has nothing to say to that. Kaeya sits up. He brings the other into eye contact.
“The things you said earlier… I’m worried about you. I think you’ve gone crazy,” mutters Diluc.
“I know I have. Didn’t mean to scare you, though.”
Kaeya scoots over to make room on the mattress. He crooks his head and eyes the empty spot, waiting for Diluc to take a hint. To his delight, he obeys.
Sex is the easiest vice to exploit. If Kaeya plays his cards right, he can get exactly what he wants. He could use some relief. Diluc might be a little inexperienced, but surely, he wants a taste. We both want the same thing- home. I can give you what you want.
“You’re lonely…” Kaeya sighs, “so am I.”
His legs cross. Diluc can’t help but stare at his thighs, the fabric of the other’s pants tightens and the seams stretch with the change of position. Then, Kaeya’s fingers run lightly over his forearm, tracing those raised veins against lean muscle.
“I can help you,” says Kaeya.
The mattress likely has bugs, as do the walls and carpets. When he sleeps, his eyes get itchy. The windows leak from the drainage pipes. At night he hears drunk truckers fight it out in the parking lot. Home. There are bats living in the roof and their shit stinks. Washing machines barely works. My home. Got no kitchen, no art, no ironing board. No magnets on the fridge. Sometimes the front door doesn’t actually lock. Too many people have been through that door. This is home. Stomach turns every time he enters in, anxiety creeps up his spine when its time to pay the bills. Don’t ask me where I get my money from. This isn’t going to be my home.
His hand comes up to Diluc’s shoulder. Fingers on his hot, pale skin, leaving little pink imprints like a trail. Legs wiggling to give the mattress some movement.
“You’re forcing yourself to do this,” Diluc comments, hands carefully placed on his own lap.
Kaeya shrugs, “does it matter?”
The other pushes him off. He stands up and rubs his skin that the other just prodded.
“I’m not that much of a degenerate. If I wanted cheap sex I’d be anywhere else but here,” says Diluc.
“I wouldn’t have charged you, ‘Luc.”
“That’s not the point. I’ve screwed up, Kaeya. I came here to take you home like you were still a kid. I let my nostalgia get the best of me,” Diluc heads for the door, “live your life how you want, Kaeya. You’re an adult. You know what’s best for you.”
His muscular arm turns the door nob, each vein raising as every tendon moves to make the small movement. The hairs on his neck stand. Fleeing from his mind is every sweet memory of his beloved Kaeya. His younger brother hiding in his closet during a thunderstorm, under the bed to spook him, in the shed when in trouble. Hiding was his only means of protection. So silly to think that’s what he was doing now…. But no, Kaeya is all grown up. He isn’t playing hide-and-seek anymore; he’s starting his own life.
And as his stride takes him back outside, a voice beckons him back inside.
“Why are you leaving, brother?”
He pauses.
“You heard me,” assures Kaeya, “come back to me my dear, older brother.”
“Don’t call me that,” Diluc’s voice cracks. He shudders.
Kaeya gets up to his front door, taking the doorknob out of Diluc’s hand and gently closing it before joining their palms together. He feels his former sibling jerk back, but he lurches forward in retaliation.
“I think the name suits you. You’ve always taken such good care of me, guiding me through my teenage years, taught me the bird and the bees…”
Kaeya embarks on an exploration of his big brother’s body. A hand goes up his thin white T-shirt, nimble fingers melting against Diluc’s racing chest. Two inches below the left side of his rib cage is a long scar. It was there when he was a child too, from an injury before he met Kaeya. He was climbing a tree and got caught on a nail, had to get a tetanus shot. All these years later and it’s still there, the patch of silky raised skin.
Goose bumps dot Diluc, he pants with confused ecstasy. Kaeya’s mouth hungrily moves to his neck, hot air against his touch-deprived nape. He licks it. Diluc tastes like sweat and cedar.
Diluc twitches, hands glued behind his back at the mercy of Kaeya. There was no use making him use them yet so instead, Kaeya presses himself against the others thigh, shoving their hips together. The other loses his breath instantly.
“Do you feel that? Do you feel how you got me feeling?” Purred Kaeya.
He drops a hand to the zipper of Diluc’s trousers. He hikes it down.
Diluc gasps, “you don’t have to do that-”
“-Ah, so big,” Kaeya giggles, “we feel the same way. Don’t be shy, Diluc. You can use your baby how you want.”
“I don’t know how to play along,” admits Diluc.
“Improvise then. You used to roleplay with me as a kid, remember? What’s different now? I want to see you take control.”
Diluc’s lip quivers, heart shaking with a fevered mind. How he loves Kaeya’s sly gaze.
“Please,” Kaeya widens his eyes, “for me, for your boy. I’ll do anything just to give you a good time.”
His big red eyes watch Kaeya free his member from the constraints of fabric, his heat exposed to the cool, damp air. It comes like second nature. His hand carefully caresses the other’s sunken face, not as full as he remembers- but he can fix that. He’ll make him all the cookies he could ever want. He lowers in on him, going onto his knees.
“What do you want me to do?” Kaeya gives him the lead.
“Can you-” Diluc takes in a deep breath, “lick it, Kaeya. Show your brother what the mouth can do,” orders Diluc.
“Lick what, brother?”
His blank stare is so fake, but oh so cute. Watery eyes despite his mouth still being empty, craving suffocation.
“My cock, Kaeya. Do as I say,” his fingers dig deeper into the others scalp.
Clueless in act, an expert at play. Readily, his lips part open and wrap around the tip of Diluc’s shaft. Tongue swirls around carefully, playful circles around the small slit. Then his hands wrap around the length not yet met with tongue. At once, a loud groan releases from his older brother. Kaeya smiles with pride, tightening his grip. The best blowjob satisfies every part of the cock, strong suction with no area left untouched. He’ll give Diluc only the best, his best.
“How’s this?” Kaeya checks in, only just beginning.
Diluc groans, “how deep can you fit me?”
Kaeya can only giggle before opening his mouth up wide. With his tongue shielding his teeth, he takes one final inhale and take in almost all of Diluc, filling his mouth and down into his throat. He mimics the sensation of swallowing, as if taking Diluc into him full.
Diluc sees stars. His fingers continue playing with the other’s hair, inching their way close to the base of his scalp. Before he knows it, Kaeya’s back and forth bobbing are guided by the palm of Diluc’s hand. He tries to pull away for air, only to find himself pushed deeper towards the base of Diluc’s shaft. It’s fine for the first few seconds. Oxygen deprivation’s a common kink and he knows how to make the most of a single breath- but are the nails digging into his scalp part of the same play?
His watery eyes meet with Diluc, who is gone with lust. The red head’s other hand reaches for Kaeya’s trembling jaw and holds its shape. Only now did Kaeya realize how he was struggling to keep his teeth off the other’s delicate skin. Quickly, he’s yanked off him.
“Keep your mouth open and tongue flat, got it?” Diluc instructs.
Kaeya is quick to nod, “yes, my brother.”
Diluc takes a moment, sweat trickling down his back already. His brother patiently waits, gently parted lips wet with drool.
“Can you try calling me daddy?” Asks Diluc, his finger opening up Kaeya’s mouth.
He nods eagerly. It’s not an uncommon kink, but perhaps a little unexpected to be coming from Diluc. It’s hot, though. Kaeya’s memories of Crepus became clouded with an embarrassing lust by the time puberty rolled around, but Diluc solves that fantasy too.
“Yes daddy, Anything for you.”
He lines himself back up with Kaeya’s mouth, knees buckling from that instant satisfaction of his brother’s swirling tongue. It ripples through him, pleasure dissolving any rationality. His hips begin to move. With every thrust, he hits the back of the other’s throat. Balls slap under his chin. He’ll be lucky if he can eat or talk tomorrow, mercilessly giving him swollen lips and a sore throat.
They do this for twenty second intervals. He gets a moment to breathe before Diluc goes back in, slightly changing the angle of his hips each time but always increasing in the frequency of each thrust. Face-fucking is enjoyable for Diluc, but just as enjoyable for Kaeya. Even if covered in his own saliva and the other’s slick, he still finds himself engulfed in a sickened heat, delirious for a harder punishment. Quickly, he feels Diluc’s fingers grip closer, pace pick up, grunts get louder- he prepares himself for the other’s relief, ready to swallow.
Except, Diluc’s sudden orgasm is dry. He lets go of Kaeya’s head and pushes him off, still hard.
“Why didn’t you come?” Kaeya speaks in a near whimper.
Diluc heaves as he cleans cleans the saliva off Kaeya’s chin with his thumb. Their bedroom eyes meet.
“I did.” His voice is raspy.
Kaeya nods, “oh. Got it,” holding his jaw in pain.
“Thanks for not biting me.”
The other can only nod, now massaging his temples.
“Let’s continue. Can you get on your back on the bed?” Diluc caresses the side of Kaeya’s face, eyes on his tightening trousers.
Kaeya swallows hard. He didn’t expect anal today. He thinks he’ll be prepared, but it’s been a week since he last stretched himself out.
Kaeya finally nods, “yeah, like this?” Holding onto his knees, bringing them up to his shoulders.
“No more yes daddy? Let me hear you use it.”
“Oh-”he stops to blush, “yes daddy. Do you want me like this?” He holds the pose.
He lets out a hum of agreement, carefully tracing a finger over a thigh.
“Where’s your lube?”
Kaeya looks to his nightstand, “top drawer in the back, blue bottle.”
Diluc digs around for it, careful not to grab one of the other random trinkets that litter the space. He finds the half-empty bottle and squirts a generous blob onto his fingers, then the excess around Kaeya’s rim. He circles it slowly and as if it were instinct, Kaeya’s hips roll in response.
“I’m far from your first, hey?” Teases Diluc, ever so slightly dipping a finger into the other’s hole.
Kaeya shakes his head, “but you can be my last.”
Diluc huffs, a mix of confidence and feeling ridiculed. So he shoves a finger in, unforgiving, with a force to croak a noise out of Kaeya’s well-used mouth. He hooks it up and ignites a tormenting spark of pleasure.
“I’ll be the only one to drive you mad, make you see lights,” growls Diluc as his finger moves frantically, “no more dirty hands on my baby.”
Kaeya leans back, forgetting to care about how he looks or keeping his moans into soft mewls. I must be pent up, he defends himself internally. It’s been a few days since he made himself cum, about a week since he got stuffed. But something about Diluc’s fast pace, disregard for taking things slow- he can’t clear his mind.
His crotch feels like it’s on fire. Kicking around and thrusting his hips, Kaeya manages to coerce Diluc to put in another finger while stroking his own cock. He has no embarrassment chasing after his own orgasm. Like an animal in heat, he grinds himself down on the other’s hand, his daddy doing little work besides looking pleasantly amused.
“You’re going to be fun to use, hey?” Diluc slaps his thigh, a deep red mark stains his tan skin.
Kaeya’s lost in bliss, can only nod in agreement. The thought of fucking Diluc is so lewd, so unconventional; it drives him mad. Some fantasies shouldn’t be experienced, but right now, he could care less about the ethics of screwing the closest thing he had to family. He pictures their father’s room, on his king-sized bed with an open window overlooking the garden. The sheets pulled off the mattress, wet with sweat, the air stagnant from the heat of summer sex. Cum all over their father’s babies. It’s dark, but he loves it.
“And you were the one cursing me out for wanting to screw my brother,” Diluc recalls, his hand on Kaeya’s dick and covering his small slit, “do you want to know what it’s like being fucked by me? To have your daddy use you like a toy, just how you always fantasized?”
Kaeya feverishly nods, incoherently muttering a “yes”.
“Words, Kaeya. Give me your words,” he demands.
He thinks on it. About the first time he met Diluc, still a kid, legs dangling against the back of the sofa as he so carelessly introduced himself. All the games, all the fighting, and the happy memories- how could I leave it all behind me? The last time he saw Diluc, he wasn’t yet tattooed. Still had the occasional voice crack and acne. That spunky little teenager is all grown up… Kaeya’s heart races.
“I want my brother, daddy, you- Diluc, I want my Diluc to fuck me,” he urges, thighs squeezing together.
“Even if it makes you a freak? You gotta be fucked up to want your daddy to use you like this,” says Diluc ever so tenderly, insulting him the same way Kaeya did back in the cornfield.
“I don’t care!” Pleads the hazy Kaeya.
His pulsing cock lines up with Kaeya’s rim, waiting outside the ring of muscle. Any faster and he might burst himself.
Kaeya’s impatient. He moves his hips forward, trying to catch Diluc’s length in his movement, but he’s not fast enough. He acts intoxicated. The man’s an addict to a dick he hasn’t even experienced yet.
“Diluc,” he groans his name in frustration, “please… ruin me, daddy.”
Remorselessly, he moves in quickly, the overwhelming friction consumes them both as heat pierces through Kaeya. He quivers.
“You feel like- you’re on, fire,” Kaeya chokes out, teeth clenching. Hands don’t know where to place themselves.
“Yet your arms are still covered in goosebumps. You’ve always been cold,” Diluc shakes his head, letting his heat scorch the other’s insides.
He moves. On the bed, he leans on top of Kaeya as if doing a push-up, hips thrusting at a speed that expects Kaeya to be used to such a pounding. He can feel the breathless Kaeya heave below him, how his slick-filled mouth tries to nibble on his pierced ear, his hand fumbles to rub out his own erection that hit’s Diluc’s stomach.
The hot pressure in his gut his deep, Diluc presses himself in more and more, sliding in with little resistance. Still, Kaeya squeezes and tightens in a pitiful attempt to conceal his own whorish nature, as if his hole has only been used by Diluc. That he isn’t loose, as if he’s never had a man twice his size inside of him before. To his own delight, his brother isn’t shy about his own moans either, filling the room with noise as he trashes into Kaeya. He likes that, knowing how good he’s making his older brother feel.
“You’re so fucking hot,” grunts Diluc, entranced by those dark eyes glued to his gaze.
The compliment makes the other clench, a gentle moan purrs out his lips.
“You’re so big, daddy, I-”
He’s cut off by Diluc’s change of angle, pounding directly into his sweet spot. He lets out a sob, losing his posture as his legs fumble to wrap around Diluc and pull him in closer.
“You like that, huh?”
Kaeya nods eagerly, as if asking him to do it again.
“Then get on your knees. Turn around.”
Following those instructions, Kaeya, with a shake in every movement, flips around. His hands rest on the headboard, hair flipped over his shoulder. Back arched with his ass puckering up. From this angle, he looks like a girl. Diluc can’t help but give him some scratch marks, the ripping of nails against skin makes Kaeya’s ass raise even more.
“I could turn you into my wife too,” Diluc says while pushing in again, “fill you with my children. That would fuck you up even more, hey?”
He enters in full, hitting the spot that makes Kaeya scream his name. His movements are cruel, but he spares him some mercy elsewhere. His soft hands feel up the other’s slender chest, pinching and kneading at the space between ribs. It’s as if Kaeya fits him, the way their bodies connect is just too perfect to be a coincidence. His mouth goes in to his neck. Rough kisses kill the space between his ear down to his shoulder, saliva sticking to him like a trail. He wants Kaeya to not walk in the morning yet crave him every day for the rest of his life. To be addicted to the pain and confuse it with pleasure. He pulls his hair down to expose his long neck, then wraps a hand around it.
Something about suffocation makes Kaeya lose it. Being so helpless in his own body, strangling out and breaking out into pathetic gasps forces his body into such obscene positions. His chest perks up and his back arches, grinding himself into Diluc’s crotch with no space left between them. His head is thrown back, but vision too blurry to make out his daddy’s fierce look.
While choking him, Diluc orders, “I want you to shout my name at the top of your lungs and let all your neighbors know how much you love being filled by your daddy’s cock, got it?” He loosens his grip.
“I- I love your cock, daddy!” Kaeya coughs out, face hot with lust and embarrassment. Sex must be contained to one’s room, motel’s rules.
Diluc’s hand returns around his neck, “give me more, Kaeya. Tell me- mmm, how good of a slut you are.”
Kaeya pants, barely able to think with such a fat cock in his ass. His eyes are wet, he must have started crying from the pleasure at some point.
“I want to be filled by you, Diluc- I want my daddy’s seed in me,” He musters out, “I’ll be your cock sleeve forever.”
The babbling from Kaeya’s equally dirty mind sends Diluc into his orgasm. His legs shake as he pushes himself as far up into the other as he could fit, coating his insides with his burning seed. He’s a mess both inside and out. He fucks him until he’s completely limp, giving Kaeya his own orgasm through just the intense pain and pleasure in his ass. Electricity ripples through them both in a series of waves, until all that’s left is their gasping lungs and sweaty bodies layered on top of each other.
Diluc finally slides out of him, Kaeya feels a trail of liquid follow out after. His own dick, despite being limp too, is sore to the touch from being grinded between their stomachs. His wrists hurt, neck hurts, back hurts, ass hurts… but none of it registers. His vision goes black and hearing fills with white noise.
Diluc sits up, grabbing his shirt to wipe the sweat off his forehead.
“Jesus Christ,” he mutters out, clarity returning.
Kaeya’s hands stretch down to cover his bottom, but its no use. Anyone could see the cum-mixed fluids leaking out of his ass, make judgements on the bruises and scratches that stretch from his neck down to his tailbone. He turns away from Diluc.
“So this is how you live life now?” Diluc speaks up, watching his cum trickle down the other’s thigh.
Kaeya nods.
“You enjoy it, don’t you?” He makes fair judgement.
Kaeya shrugs. He hates the job for the most part but doesn’t want to have Diluc think he wasn’t a good partner. He was phenomenal, especially compared to the rest.
“If you come home with me, I can give that to you every day.”
And there’s the golden ticket, the invite he craves, needs so desperately. Home, back to the house that eats a roast dinner every week, the place with the garden that attracts every bird and bee in the country. Fresh sheets, a full kitchen, furniture in every room, books, no mold in the walls- we could adopt a cat, maybe a dog too. Home, Diluc’s home could be his too again.
“Take me home, Diluc,” he whimpers in a quiet voice.
“And you won’t run away again, right?”
“Never again. I’m yours. Just, get me out of here, please,” his voice is shaking.
Diluc nods knowingly, so much pride in his new possession to use whenever he wants, so unaware of Kaeya’s longing to return to domesticity. Their longing for home couldn’t be more different.
“Good. Let’s check out of here then.”