Chapter Text
If the universe takes the form of a person, Nora imagined it would be chuckling maliciously down at her right now. If there is in fact a higher being in control of everything, she supposed it has to be something cruel and evil. Why else would it be unfair? Why else would it not bless her the same way it blesses everyone else?
She clutched the burlap sack in her hand as she shoved in the last of her belongings. Even though all the things she ever owned in her entire life were packed inside, the sack was only filled halfway through. She didn't have much. She couldn't have had much living in such a tiny space with barely enough room to fit a grown person. The small rectangular space once served as a closet where Mr Billard kept his brooms and cleaning supplies before it turned into a makeshift bedroom. It can hardly be called a bedroom, except for the fact that there was a thin worn-out mattress laid on the floor. She was only a small ten-year-old girl when she moved in. She has grown so much since then and had barely enough space to properly lay down on the mattress without bumping her feet or her head on the wall. But she was grateful for it anyways. She couldn't complain. How could she ever complain?
She stood still in front of the pub she had called home for the past seven years, the burlap sack clutched tightly in her right hand. Where am I supposed to go now? She thought. She took a deep breath and started mindlessly walking away. She should be scared, or sad, or angry, or something.. but instead she feels nothing.
Somehow, her feet had carried her to the roof of a tall building she did not recognize. She wasn’t sure where she was, or why she was there, but then again she didn’t care. She took a deep breath, the cold air filling her lungs. Just one step forward and she would fall off the ledge and then this miserable life would finally be over. She drew a shaky breath and looked down at the earth beneath her. Dusk was approaching, people were scurrying through the streets, eager to go home to their families. Others were just heading out of their front doors all dressed up for a night out. Nora's eyes were caught on a little girl running towards a man who picked her up and spun around, both laughing and smiling happily. In front of a pub at the end of the street, a group of friends was gathering, smiling and greeting each other with a hug. She wondered what it would be like to have something, or someone, to be the reason to smile and to hold through life. She wondered what it would be like to be loved. Maybe then she would want to stay a little longer. Maybe then she would hesitate to jump off this ledge.
PANG!
A clap of thunder boomed above her and Nora’s head shoot up. Gray clouds were swirling around veiling the blue sky, small flashes of lightning indicate a forthcoming storm. As she gazed up at the silver sky, a line of what ifs crossed her mind. What if she does stay a little longer? What if this life turns out to be good? She scoffed at her own thoughts. This life had seventeen whole years to show her that it can be good, but it never did. All it ever gave her was loneliness and despair. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, heart set on stepping off the ledge when suddenly-
PANG!
The gray clouds let out another howl, but this time her body jolted and her jaw clenched. It was as if the sky was scolding her. She gazed up at the silver sky, hints of blue peeking from behind the gray veil. Something about it made her heart beat quickened, and suddenly she felt like crying. Tears welled up in her eyes as she whispered an apology, why and to whom she was apologizing she did not know. Perhaps to the world. She can not waste her life on such cowardly and selfish death. She would find a way to give her meaningless life to those who do have meaning. Those who have reasons to live. So they can smile, and laugh, and hold their loved ones in their arms. If she was going to die she would do so to save their life. So they can live instead.
And so the next day, she clutched the piece of paper with the words 104th Training Corps Registration Form on the top of its page and wrote her name on the dotted line.