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Jean suppressed a groan as he opened his eyes. His head was throbbing and abdomen sore; all he can remember was being flung off of his horse and finding himself on another one, tucked between someone else's thighs to prevent from falling off before he blacked out again.
Now he’s in the Scout’s infirmary, blinking to adjust his eyes to the limited light coming from the bedside lantern. He shifted and felt a small weight over his stomach before looking down and noticing Armin sitting in a chair, head bent over to rest on his infirmary bed and arm sprawled across Jeans hips.
When Jean sat up to look a bit closer, he flinched and grabbed his stomach in pain. Armin jolted awake at the movement and darted his eyes to Jean.
“Jean!”
Armin reached down to touch Jean's arm and gently tug it away from his stomach to inspect his stomach. Armin lifted his shirt a little to get a better look at the bruising, and Jean found himself blushing at the motion. Armin’s here..?
“Does this hurt?” Armin carefully pressed his fingers down to gauge his pain. Jean sat up more at the pressure and inhaled sharply when Armin tried a different area.
“A- a little, mostly just aching pain, though.”
Armin removed his hands and exhaled as if he were relieved, then pulled the shirt back down before moving up to examine Jean's head.
“How long have I been out?”
Armin lifted Jeans bangs away from his face but didn’t look him in the eye.
“Three days,” he whispered. He peeled the bandages off of Jean’s forehead before throwing them into a bucket full of clean water and reached for the fresh ones on the nightstand.
Jean couldn’t help but stare at his profile as he turned; his face was paler than usual but glowed in the warmth of the lantern anyway. His hair fell across his cheekbones in a way that made Jean want to brush it away to get an even better look at his face.
He snapped out of his daze when Armin turned back to him.
He inspected the gash on his forehead and touched a rag soaked in alcohol to the wound. Jean surprisingly didn’t complain, he knew the drill even if it was still painful.
“Jean, are you feeling okay? Do you remember anything from the day you were hurt?”
He shifted closer to give Armin better leverage on his forehead and couldn’t help but notice his heart pick up at the feel of Armin also scooting closer, even if he was just cleaning his injury.
“I uh, I feel pretty good; at least, as good as a soldier can get after being thrown off of a horse and surviving. I don’t remember anything after that though, what happened after?” Jean looked up at Armin, who at this point was wrapping new bandages around his head, careful to lift the bangs up before they could get trapped under the fabric. The slight brush of his fingers over Jean's forehead was enough to speed his heart up even more, not to mention the proximity of Armin's face in general. He could feel Armin’s warm breath against his cheek as he tied off the ends of the bandages before sitting back down in his seat. Dammit.
“After…” Armin swallowed, “After you lost consciousness the titans started to get close; I had to grab you and hide under a tree as long as we could.” He looked down into his lap and twiddled his thumbs nervously.
“Why didn’t you run..?”
Armin looked straight into Jean’s eyes for the first time that night, “because I couldn’t carry you, so I decided to lay low. A titan ended up getting very close, but there was nothing I could do, I was just delaying the inevitable by swinging my blade at it,” his face dropped a little in confidence.
“You didn’t have to stay…” Jean murmured.
Armin perked up again, “Of course I did! You’re important to me-”
Jean's heart skipped a beat at that, which he pointedly decided to ignore in lieu of how close Armin was, hoping he couldn’t hear the raggedness in his breathing.
“I wasn’t just going to- I wouldn’t leave you, you would have died for sure if I hadn’t held off for as long as I did. Eventually the titans all went to chase something else. I didn’t stick around to think about it, I just threw you onto my horse and booked it as fast as I could back to our camp so I could treat you…” His head dropped when he realized he was rambling, and silenced himself before he kept talking.
“Oh…” Jean breathed, “Thank you Armin; that- it means a lot to me that you’d save me like that, really, thank you,” he glanced at him to smile appreciatively before Armin stood from his chair. “Where are you going?” Jean asked, a little anxiety in his throat, not wanting Armin to leave so soon after waking up. How long has Armin been here taking care of me?
“I’m just going to get us some food, you must be starving after three days.”
Oh, right, I guess I am pretty hungry now that I think about it… “Yeah, food would be nice, thanks Armin.”
When Armin left the room Jean took a minute to breathe and think. He leaned back against his pillow and closed his eyes, wondering how to tackle his- his… feelings? Sure he’d had crushes before, little snippets of attraction when he was a younger teen, but all of them had been girls . He never would have expected something as strong as this kind of feeling to come from interacting with a boy , his developing friend no less. He and Armin weren’t strangers but they definitely weren’t best friends- no matter how much Jean wished that was true. Maybe Jean just really admired him, and wanted to be like him. He’d always respected Armin’s intelligence, especially after he saved him the first time back when he distracted the Female Titan. He definitely would’ve died then, too, if it weren’t for Armin. This only seems to discredit his feelings for Armin as purely “admiration,” after all, Armin had personally saved him countless times, and after each time Jean grows more and more attached to him.
He remembered Arming calling him “important,” which was touching, but they just had a traumatic experience together, and losing Eren must have made Armin cling to Jean in a desperate attempt to protect the rest of his comrades. Yeah, that was all that implied.
But even still, Jean wants to be closer to Armin. Not in a creepy way, but their near death experience makes him want to know as much as possible about Armin. They’ve known each other for years in cadet training, and started speaking more after the Female Titan incident, but there was a lot left to be desired. He wants one-on-one conversations with him about things other than titan theorizing or tactical scout plans and training. He still enjoys talking to Armin about these things, it makes work much more bearable, but he also really wants to feel like he’s talking to someone other than a fellow soldier.
Just as Jean decided to take more initiative in their friendship, he felt himself losing to sleep after laying in the relatively comfortable bed for long enough. I’ve been sleeping for three days and can’t even stay awake for food? Pathetic, Jean, really pathetic. But he fell asleep anyway for the sake of his aching head.
He was immediately jolted awake by the sound of Armin's voice.
“Jean!”
He sat up and looked around for any impending danger, but only saw Armin standing halfway from the door to his bed, the tray of food in his hands trembling.
“Armin what’s wrong?”
Armin seemed to relax quite a bit, clutching the tray in his hands and completing the distance to Jean’s bedside before setting it down on the nightstand and sitting down in his chair with a sigh. He slowly ran a hand through his golden locks and closed his eyes before speaking, “Sorry Jean, you just scared me, I guess.”
Jean gave him a tilt of his head and a questioning look that said: What’s that even supposed to mean?
“I mean- I saw you asleep and thought you had died or something, like there was something wrong that Hange and I missed…” he looked back down and clasped his hands again, like he always does, presumably out of embarrassment.
Jean huffed out a quiet breathy laugh that Armin seemed to hear.
“It’s not funny, Jean! I seriously thought you were dead, or dying, or whatever- even if it was only for a second,” he glared at him, but Jean looked back with such soft laughter in his eyes that Armin couldn’t stay angry at him. “I just don’t want you to die… that’s all,” he mumbled.
Jean’s smile fell just a fraction, “I don’t want you to die either, Armin; why don’t we eat? I’m sure you’re probably starving given how pale you look, and I promise I’ll try not to fall back asleep until after we eat, okay?”
Armin’s cheeks pinked a little before he blinked it away and nodded, grabbing the tray of food and set it down next to Jeans hip on the bed, “I thought we could share a meal, you probably should start with a smaller portion of food before you force your stomach too much.”
Jean grabbed one of the forks and began portioning some food for himself while Armin took a bite out of the loaf of bread. He briefly looked outside and noticed it was pitch black out now, whereas before he thought the sun was rising.
“Does anyone else know I’m awake? Was anyone worried about me or anything..?” Jean knew he sounded insecure, but Armin being the only person to be in here at all for the past couple hours was somewhat disheartening. He thought Connie or Sasha would at least try to visit before they turned in for the night.
“Oh, it’s been a crazy past few days. Sasha and Connie came to visit as soon as they could and have been coming in every day since to see if you had made any progress. Mikasa has been coming in with me as well, but she’s mostly been making sure Eren’s okay. That day we all… we lost our friend Hannes,” Armin gulped down some food.
Jean expected to feel elated at the idea of Mikasa coming in to see if he was alright, but he couldn’t really feel much about her at all at the moment. He wasn’t sure why, but all he knew was that he felt bad for Armin, “Armin I’m… I’m really sorry. I didn’t realize you all had lost him.”
Armin smiled gratefully, but his eyes were still a little hollow at the thought, “it’s not your fault, Jean. There’s nothing that could have been done, and dwelling on it won't help anyone. I’m glad he was there for us; I’ll miss him but… his memory will be strong enough for me to pull through.”
Jean’s heart swelled with admiration for Armin, but also fell with sadness that he could force himself to move past the death of such an important person to him. Jean knows that Armin lost his parents at a young age followed by the death of his grandfather. Sure, Jean has felt extreme loss, like that of Marco, but he still has a mother, safe and sound within Wall Rose. Marco’s death had been the first and last he had to experience, but Armin had just lost his loved ones one by one. The death of Hannes was just another person to add to the burden of sadness on Armin’s shoulders, something Jean didn’t think he deserved at all. If he could, he would carry the burden for Armin himself just so he’d never have to cope by himself. Jean realizes this isn’t a very normal thing to do for a friend, so he wipes the thought away.
Jean continued eating in small portions before Armin picked up the bread, took more bites, and offered the rest to Jean. He couldn’t help the blood that rushed to his head at the thought of sharing the bread with Armin, let alone being allowed to eat right from where Armin had. This is getting ridiculous, Jean thought before snatching the bread from Armin. It wasn’t warm anymore but it was still soft, and Jean couldn’t stop himself from imagining what it would feel like to replace the bread with himself and have Armin-
“Jean?”
He snapped out of his thoughts and looked back up at Armin, blushing furiously. Dammit Jean, why the hell would you think of something like that? He just gave you half a loaf of bread, so eat it!
“You really should eat some bread, Jean, it’ll help fill your stomach more,” Armin goaded him to eat.
He glanced down at the bread and took a breath. Calm down, it’s literally bread, you can remember how to eat can’t you? He slowly brought it to his lips and bit into it. Nothing happened, of course nothing had happened; Jean shouldn’t have been surprised since it’s just bread after all, but he wished he could have felt the warmth or taste of Armin there.
Jean couldn’t believe that’s something he actually wished for.
“Hey Armin, did you or Hange give me any medicine, by chance?” Jean wanted to know if these thoughts could be caused by medication or some kind of drug in his system making him loopy.
“No, why?”
Well I wasn’t expecting a ‘why.’
“Just making sure that I won’t be in a shit load of pain if I had any medicine that could wear off.” That’s a pretty good response, he thought proudly.
Armin hummed contentedly at the response and finished his food. Jean also quickly finished the bread, before noticing a piece of food on the corner of Armin’s mouth as he was packing the tray to take back to the kitchen. Jean didn’t even think, of course he didn’t because he reached his hand out to Armin’s face and swiped a thumb over the edge of his mouth to remove it. His knuckles grazed against Armin’s cheek with the motion, and Armin froze. This brought Jean out of his stupor and he quickly removed his hand. Armin looked down at the tray, blushing furiously, before standing, grabbing the tray, and running out of the room.
Jean sat there in silence.
Stupid, stupid, stupid; he’s gonna think I’m super weird now. Who touches their friend’s face like that? Clearly no one but me, I’m such a pervert. Jean hung his head in shame, heart beating quickly and face red.
He had touched Armin's face.
It was soft and warm and everything that Jean wanted; and he wanted it more than he ever had before that moment. Armin had run away though, clearly he didn’t like it and used the tray as an excuse to leave the room. Jean didn’t blame him; if anyone else had done that to him he’d be at least a little weirded out.
Ugh, he rubbed the palms of his hands into his eyes, please come back.
Jean usually feels like a fool in other circumstances, but never has this made him feel truly foolish. He had just been thinking that he’d like to get to know Armin more and then went and did something to scare him off. He wasn’t ever expecting Armin to accept his advances, but he had at least wanted Armin to stay. Now he knows Armin won’t view him in the same way anymore, which ruins his chance at a close friendship at all.
Eventually, though, the door to the infirmary creaked open before Armin’s head peeked out. He drooped his head down and shuffled in shyly before sitting right back down in his chair.
“Armin I’m so sorry, I uh, I didn’t realize that would make you uncomfortable… really, I’m sorry, and I understand if-”
“Jean,” Armin interrupted. Jean stopped and swallowed nervously, his hands felt clammy and his stomach filled with anxiety. “I… I’m not mad, it just took me by surprise, is all. No need to apologize, I appreciate the gesture; and you don’t need to explain yourself, I know it was meant to be friendly, so no worries okay?” Armin smiled up at him.
He looked so small but Jean knew just how strong he was. Underneath the cute facade was a powerful thinker and someone toned from years of the use of maneuver gear. God, cute? Sure, he had thought Armin was cute in a dude way before, but now he was just… really cute in a way he couldn’t begin to explain. And toned? Jean will admit he snuck looks at Armin’s arms any chance he got recently, but that didn’t compare to his desire to see what was underneath his shirt.
Fuck I can’t think these things about Armin, he’s a man and- what would he think of me if he found out? Would he tell his friends? He dreaded the thought of Eren knowing about these recent developments in Jean’s feelings.
Apparently Jean was staring off again, because he felt a hand gently cover one of his own and looked up to see Armin giving him a look of concern, “Jean, are you okay? You seem kind of out of it tonight.”
Jean swallowed back a “no” and instead said, “Yeah; yeah I’m fine, just tired from the food I guess. Do I have to stay in the infirmary any longer or can I sleep in my own room?”
Armin suddenly looked very embarrassed, and seemed to struggle with finding his response. He finally sighed, “Well, since the chase we’ve had to make some rearrangements in our bunkers for space. Basically a lot of us new Scout recruits can’t have our own rooms anymore so we have to pair up. Since you were injured they didn’t want to touch your stuff, so they decided to keep you in your room and have someone else move in with you. I uh… I volunteered to room with you, but if you’re uncomfortable with that I can always trade with someone else!” He caught himself rambling again and looked to the side to hide his blush in his hair. Jean wished he would stop doing that so he could get a better look at his face.
“No! I mean, no, I don’t mind you there at all. In fact I’m really glad you took that initiative while I was out, otherwise who knows who I would’ve been paired with,” Jean replied, relaxing his shoulders but also tensing at the thought of bunking with Armin. That means I’ll see him every day, I’ll get to talk to him more.
Jean felt giddy at the thought of being even a little domestic with Armin, even if it was just platonic. Any interaction with Armin was enough to have Jean smiling throughout the day, so being able to see him when they wake up to when they go to sleep was something Jean dreamt of.
Armin smiled and stood up, “If you can walk, we can leave the infirmary now, I’ll tell Hange on the way.”
It took Jean a minute but he was able to get out of the bed without much difficulty. Most of the soreness was in his stomach but it just felt like residual bruising at that point. He could walk just fine but Armin made sure to put a hand on his back to make sure he didn’t fall over, presumably from his head injury.
Warm.
They left the infirmary with the lantern and walked down the corridor to Hange’s office where Armin informed them of Jean’s recovery. They gave Jean an excited thumbs up through the doorway and smiled proudly. Jean waved and smiled back; Hange knew Jean was in good hands staying with Armin.
They left the office and continued down the hall all the way to the Scout barracks, where they both turned into Jean’s previously private room. Jean immediately noticed one thing that made his stomach drop.
There’s only one bed.
Jean was baffled. His bed was still there in the corner of the room but there was no other bed to be found for Armin. Jean didn’t know why but he assumed Armin would have taken the bed with him when moving his stuff. The small previously empty bookshelf across from his bed was now full of Armins research books and overflowed enough to have to put the rest on top of the shelf. The room itself is small with only one window to let light in once the sun decides to rise, but there’s still kind of enough room for another bed, so why-
“Jean”
He looked over at Armin who looked just a little guilty.
“I forgot to mention but… Because we needed the space they told me I had to leave my bed and shelf and everything,” Armin was now blushing really red but held the lamp to his side to try and hide it.
Jean has to share his bed with Armin, Armin; for who knows how long. Jean should’ve been excited but this made him incredibly nervous for two reasons: he’d be physically close to the friend he has a very obvious romantic crush on, and if he finds out about it, he will be considered an outcast. The excitement in his chest had been quickly replaced by indescribable anxiety.
Armin seemed to have prickled at something and moved toward the bed before making the sheets neat; they were strewn open as if someone had been sleeping in there for the past few days. Jean gulped.
Has Armin been sleeping in my bed while I’ve been in the infirmary?
This made Jean feel so elated that he felt guilty after, Of course he had to sleep in my bed, it’s not like he wanted to in the first place.
They both stood there awkwardly before Jean decided he should probably get some sleep while it was still dark, even if he had been asleep for the past three days. He went to his drawers and took out a fresh shirt and some sleep shorts he would be comfortable in.
“I’m going to get dressed then head to bed, Armin; hope you don’t mind,” Jean smiled a bit to ease some of the tension, and it seemed to work. Armin relaxed and agreed before pulling his own clothes out and exiting the room to give Jean some privacy while he changed. Jean slipped into the bed and scooted as close to the wall as he could to give Armin space when he got back. The bed wasn’t necessarily small at all, it was a full sized bed, meaning Armin and Jean would both have enough room to sleep comfortably away from each other. Jean began to relax down into the sheets but didn’t quite go to sleep yet since it seemed rude to greet Armin that way.
When Armin came back into the room, he was in practically the same clothing Jean was wearing. Just a shirt and some sleep shorts that were appropriate to wear when sleeping next to a friend in the same bed.
But Armin looked really cute. Jean couldn’t contain his awe for Armin in any article of clothing, even in boring clothes like these. He just looked so good in anything and everything that Jean almost couldn’t hold back a whine. Armin crept onto the bed and made Jean shift from his small weight. Armin was small, but he still knew how to take up space when necessary.
Jean stared at the ceiling as Armin settled in, blushing and trying to figure out how he was going to fall asleep with Armin right next to him. Under the blankets he could barely feel the heat coming off of Armins body and it was distracting. They both just lied there until Armin remembered to turn off the lantern, “Mind if I turn off the light?” he said.
Jean just made a noise of agreement before the room was swallowed in darkness.
“Jean?”
He heard the quiet voice from a foot away and turned his head to look at Armin, “Yeah?”
“Are you okay? Not just your injuries necessarily, but… do you feel okay? Am I okay being here?” He sounded so insecure; but Jean couldn’t blame him, he feels that way all the time.
Jean smiled when Armin turned his body to face him even though he probably couldn’t really see the gesture in this darkness.
“I’m okay, Armin,” he whispered, “I actually feel great; I’m really glad you’re here. Glad you’re here for me and glad that you want to be here even when you didn’t have to choose me.”
Armin made a small smile that Jean could see with his eyes adjusted. It made Jean really happy. It made him want to touch his face, to feel his warmth against him, to feel Armin want him too.
Ignoring the previous pleas in his head to not do anything brash, he turned on his side and reached his hand out to touch Armin’s hair. Jean gently brushed Armin’s hair out of his face and hitched his breath when Armin tilted his cheek up into his palm. They both looked at each other, smiles gradually growing on their faces as moments passed. Jean took this as a sign to continue, and softly ran his fingers through Armin’s hair before he reached his hand over to Jean’s cheek and grazed it with his knuckles. Jean was sure Armin could hear how hard his heart was beating this close, but he made no reaction to indicate it; instead he spoke:
“Jean, can I kiss you?”
His heart might as well have exploded. His face was probably as red as a tomato, but Armin himself didn’t necessarily look super calm or composed based on the situation. His voice sounded so shy and quiet but also completely sure of what he wanted. Armin wants to kiss me, he just asked to kiss me.
“Yes,” Jean breathed.
Armin gently rubbed his thumb along Jean’s cheek and leaned in, eyes closing. His lips were soft and didn’t press more than necessary for a small kiss. It was over as soon as it started and Jean looked at him like he was an angel. They just stared at each other for a moment, catching breath they hadn’t really lost in the first place. Armin leaned back in for another kiss, and this time Jean pushed into it, not rough but more confident. Their lips slid together silently and slowly, savoring the moment before parting again.
“Th-thank you,” Jean exhaled, eyes shining.
Armin gave a small laugh, “What for? I just kissed you.”
Jean shook his head, “That’s exactly it, it’s all I’ve ever wanted, really. I just wasn’t expecting you to ever want to kiss me so… I’m really thankful.”
In response, Armin leaned in and gave him a short but just as nice a kiss as the last ones.
“Thank you too, then”