Chapter Text
For the umpteenth time, you let out a sigh. Why did this have to happen to you? And above all: How could this happen?
Agitated, you ran your hand through your hair.
While you racked your brains over and over again about how you could have gotten into this situation, your gaze slid over the seven pregnancy tests you had already used.
They were all positive. That lousy little plus sign, which could no longer be denied.
The timer on your watch started beeping and your eyes flashed to the eighth test: positive. A frustrated groan escaped you.
Okay, take it easy. It's going to be okay. Somehow it's going to work out.
You're just going to relax and leave the bathroom here in a minute and tell the Joker that you're going to grow a little person inside of you.
A snort of laughter erupted from you at the thought. Contrary to popular belief, the Joker was neither crazy nor completely inhuman.
But he certainly wouldn't want a weak spot like having offspring. The point of it all, in fact, was that he could be threatened with absolutely nothing.
He was and always will be: incorruptible.
As much as you liked your life at his side, there were no securities. If it ever became known that you were in any kind of relationship, you could wrap things up right away.
Because he would not defend you if his enemies attacked you to harm him. A child would most definitely not change that.
Suddenly fear seized your thoughts. Hoping for nothing was one thing. But what if he now wanted to eliminate you because of that? Should you even tell your secret?
Again you ran your hands through your hair in frustration and agitation.
Who are you trying to fool? You won't be able to hide this from him. He already suspects something is wrong, doesn't he?
It's been three days since you last saw him. You already suspected that you might be pregnant, but you weren't sure.
But he had immediately sensed that something was buzzing around in your head. Something that also concerned him.
You didn't know when he would be with you again. He didn't allow there to be any limitations for him.
The sound of your apartment door being closed made you jump and your eyes widened in shock.
Speak of the devil...
Hastily you threw the used tests into your trash can. You crumpled up the packaging for them as best you could and disposed of them as well.
After you had destroyed all the evidence, your gaze remained fixed on yourself in the mirror.
You hadn't dressed properly today, but were still wearing the T-shirt you wore to sleep and a comfortable pair of panties.
A deep breath later you finally left the bathroom.
On your sofa sat the Joker. His head leaned back on the backrest. He was not wearing his trench coat, jacket and gloves.
His makeup was mostly smeared, his eyes closed. For a brief moment, you thought he was asleep.
But when you didn't move, he slowly raised his head and focused his intense gaze on you.
He raised a hand and stretched it in your direction. Wordlessly telling you to join him.
Your legs slowly started to move and you settled down next to him, his arm now loosley around your waist.
"Hi," you greeted him quite tonelessly. There was no response from him. Instead, his eyes seemed to bore into you.
"You know, I can't stand it when people aren't honest with me." His words sent a shiver down your spine. "Especially not when it's someone who's allegedly close to me."
His grip on your waist tightened. Hesitantly, you looked into his eyes, not knowing how to begin.
He stared back, his head tilted slightly to the side. His tongue flitted over his lower lip and the scars that started there and merged into his permanent grin.
You knew you couldn't hesitate much longer.
"Could you promise me one thing?" you asked him.
His eyebrows went up and he pressed his lips together briefly. However, he did not change the intensity of his gaze and he did not answer you.
"Only that you finish listening to what I have to say. Before you answer or do anything."
You notice how the arm he put around you tightened his grip even more.
"We'll see," was his curt reply.
You noticed that his gaze was now searching your face. He seemed to be attempting to read your thoughts.
To guess if what you were about to tell him was negative or positive. Or whether it didn't affect him at all.
You knew that the latter would only piss him off. Because he would consider it a waste of his time that he even had to think about it.
But you didn't worry about that. Because it did concern him very much.
Determined to share your "problem" without being interrupted by him, you turned your gaze away from his face and stared at his chest.
"I am happy as it is. And I don't need to change anything," you began, while your fingers nervously played with the buttons of his vest.
"Your freedom, your coming and going whenever you want. I don't want to change all that. I fucked up, though... well- actually, we kinda messed up," you continued, but then paused.
It was much harder than you thought to get these words over your lips.
His grip around your waist let go and you heard him click his tongue. The hairs on the back of your neck stood up as the Joker got up from the sofa and walked slowly through your living room. Away from you.
"I didn't want to tell you until I was sure, but.... I'm pregnant," you pressed out.
His footsteps paused. He had his back turned to you. You couldn't see his expression. Instead, you didn't take your eyes off his back while holding your breath.
He did nothing. You could only see that he was breathing seemingly evenly.
What was he thinking? Is this the end? Will he walk out without a word and never return?
What are you going to do when he leaves? Do you want to raise a child? Are you prepared?
Your thoughts went rampant.
After what felt like an eternity, you could no longer stand the silence.
"I don't know what to do," you whispered to him.
At that moment you realized why it was so hard for you to say those words.
You were afraid. Even if you hadn't been facing the Joker, you were still scared shitless. Your life would now change drastically. Especially if you decided to keep the child.
Even if you decided not to, it would still change your life, or at least your perspective.
Tears started to stream down your face. You did not know what you wanted. You buried your face in your hands, while wave after wave of despair made itself known through tears and sobs.
You didn't notice that the Joker had turned back around to face you. You didn't hear him coming towards you.
Only when he crouched in front of you and you felt his warm hands on your knees, you realized that he was still present.
He seemed to be waiting for your crying fit to stop. He said nothing. His right hand slowly ran circles on your thigh, gently caressing it.
When you finally calmed down, sloppily wiping your tears from your face, he decided to speak.
"Tell me what you need."
"Just hold me," you rasped.
And he did.