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Winston had known the second that he had walked into O'Brien's office that he would never be the same, especially when Julia had left mere minutes ago. He wasn’t sure how long he was staring into O’Brien's eyes but when O’Brien stopped pacing and turned to face Winston, an air of charming superiority following his every movement, Winston did not look away. O’Brien spoke and Winston watched as his lips move, intelligent, admirable words falling from them. His heartbeat was loud in his ears but he willed himself to be silent as O’Brien’s voice was as smooth as honey in his ears.
O’Brien spoke lowly, almost a hum. “We shall meet again — if we do meet again —”
Winston looked up at him. “In the place where there is no darkness?” he said hesitantly, unsure of his own words in his own mouth.
O’Brien nodded. “In the place where there is no darkness,” he said, as though he understood what Winston was alluding to, it made Winston’s heart skip a beat embarrassingly. “And in the meantime, is there anything you wish to say before you leave? Any message? Any question?”
As soon as the words left O’Brien's lips Winston was silent. He did not know what to say and it may be the first and last time he talks to O’Brien in the privacy that he had never been privileged with before. He scrambled for some coherent thought and he finally fell back into what he always does — seeking acceptance and praise through the veil of ego and self-centrism. Any less and he would be far too vulnerable.
“What do you think of me?” he asked slowly, finally, like he didn’t know if he should rush or drag out his syllables.
“What do I think of you?” O’Brien repeated in a unreadable tone and his sharp eyes began to trace over every inch of space Winston occupied.
There was silence before O’Brien's order of ‘stand, now, Winston’ cut through the tension like a knife through butter. Winston felt like a dog and found himself hanging off O’Brien's every word like one too. His knees shook as he stood in the centre of the room, completely at O’Brien's mercy.
Winston felt lightheaded as O’Brien stepped closer, getting in his space and seeming to have none of his own. O’Brien circled him, disappearing behind Winston’s back but Winston could feel O’Brien looking, studying him up and down. Winston felt naked, like a piece of prey waiting to be devoured by the cunning but merciful predator. But O’Brien would not kill him, Winston knew of that, and even if he did, Winston would only feel disappointment in himself for being wrong in his prediction.
A shiver ran down Winston’s spine and his hands tightened against his side as O’Brien spoke again, filling the room with his smooth, domineering voice. “I think, no, I know that you see yourself as superior, as intelligent, as somebody who is needed but does not need. But you are wrong.”
Shrinking in on himself, Winston stared up at O’Brien and jumped when O’Brien rested a hand on his shoulder, almost kindly, like he hadn’t just deeply humiliated Winston.
“You need importance within yourself, Winston,” O’Brien continued and Winston felt as his shoulder brushed against O’Brien's chest as O’Brien circled him. “And yet you still wish to be given explicit instructions from someone you perceive as stronger, more intelligent. Someone like me. Is that not right?”
Winston shook his head avoiding O’Brien’s piercing gaze. “That is correct.”
O’Brien hummed and Winston shivered, he felt O’Brien's breath on the back of his neck. “I knew so. I know it all, Winston. Do you believe me?”
“Yes,” Winston said immediately and at his omission O’Brien continued his studying, his memorisation of everything that made Winston — Winston.
His hands ran over Winston’s shoulders. Winston felt his eyes burning into every single cell of his skin. His breathing was becoming short and shallow, Winston was certain O’Brien could hear it. O’Brien stood behind him, watching, as Winston tried to keep his trembling to a minimum.
He was teasing Winston, but whether he knew it or not, Winston did not know, he did not want to assume something that was only true in his own mind. But the silence only made his heart thump in his chest and his mind to haze.
“What are you doing?” Winston asked and if O’Brien was not holding his shoulders beneath his large hands, Winston would have assumed he left the room.
“Evaluating,” O’Brien said and he let go of Winston’s shoulders, leaving a burning sensation in their wake.
Winston frowned, “evaluating what—?“
The ground beneath Winston’s feet was swept beneath him and he crashed to the ground, falling on his knees. With a barely restrained shout, he caught himself with his hands and sat back on his heels to stare up at O’Brien who had come to stand in front of him.
It was humiliating and Winston felt as a flush broke out across his cheeks and he averted O'Brien's gaze. Winston shuffled so he was comfortable but it was no use, his knees were never as strong as they used to be and it was clear O'Brien wanted him to be uncomfortable. But he would endure the pain for him. O'Brien wanted him this way for a reason and Winston was practically vibrating for the answer.
Winston stared up at O'Brien and O'Brien stared back, even and challenging, like he wanted Winston to make the wrong choice so he could put Winton in his place. Winston wanted that more than he would dare to admit.
Before Winston could open his mouth O’Brien spoke, low and firm. “Do you truly wish to begin an alliance with me, Winston? Everything that I asked before was necessary, it was true.”
Winston did not hesitate. “Yes,” he answered and O’Brien stared down at him. “I truly wish to assist you.”
They lapsed into silence and Winston watched as O’Brien’s mind worked behind his eyes. Winston’s heartbeat was deafening in his ears and he swore it was going to jump out of his chest. He startled when O’Brien spoke.
O’Brien resettled his spectacles on his nose and Winston was charmed by it. “Why did you hesitate when I questioned Julia relationship with you? It is a real possibility that you two may never see one another again.”
Winston did hesitate earlier, more than he thought was possible. But he had answered whether he would have said the same without Julia in the room he could not bring himself to think about, but he was slowly coming to accept that he did love Julia but had more faith in O’Brien. Maybe that in itself was love.
“I did disagree,” Winston said slowly, “but now I understand.”
“Do you?” O’Brien said, Winston would compare it to a striking snake. “Winston. You lied to me. I cannot accept that.”
Winston shook his head, “I did not. I just didn’t know what to say.”
“You seem awfully confident at the moment. Winston, do not lie to me.”
Winston let his gaze drop but O’Brien’s hand reached forward, held his chin roughly, and jerked his head back up to stare at him. The angle was straining on Winston’s body but he knew O’Brien would take care of him. O’Brien stared down at him, eyes dark, as Winston struggled to keep his breath even. His knees ached but he did not dare break their eye contact while O’Brien was watching.
Instead, Winston grimaced as he shuffled forward so he could wrap his arms around O’Brien's legs, holding him close and inhibiting his movement. Winston pushed his face into his thighs and breathed in shakily, deeply. O’Brien didn’t move away and Winston slowly looked back up at him.
“Why me?” Winston asked, practically begging for the answer. “How did you know that you and I were the same? I have been thinking of you constantly, hoping that one day I could walk right up to you and scream my distaste for the party. And you — you would agree.”
Winston stopped talking as a small smile took over O’Brien's face. O’Brien‘s hand slowly rested against Winston’s cheek and Winston barely stopped himself from nuzzling into it.
“You are pathetic, Winston.” O’Brien said indifferently and Winston swallowed, his hands trembling where they held O’Brien. “But you know that. And yet, you still seek affirmation. You seek somewhere where you can have power but be powerless.”
“Yes,” Winston said despite not being asked a question.
“Do you not see how pitiful that is?” O’Brien raised an eyebrow and started to caress Winston’s cheek with his thumb. “You desperately wish to be a part of something. And I am the only person who you had dared to do that with.“
Winston stared. He simultaneously felt like nothing and everything under O’Brien’s gaze. “Yes, sir.”
A smile grew on O’Brien’s face. “Pardon?”
Moments passed before Winston could even begin to think properly. He had called many people ‘sir’ before, but it felt different. And it was clear O’Brien felt it as well. He froze and Winston was certain he wasn’t breathing. The hand that was caressing Winston’s face had stopped and Winston didn’t dare look away from O’Brien.
Winston spluttered, “O’Brien-”
“Silence.” O’Brien commanded and Winston bit his tongue before he said anything ridiculous. “What is the matter with you?”
A shaky sigh escaped Winston’s lips and he leaned forward, breaking the eye contact to bury himself in O’Brien's thighs which stayed in his arms as he shuffled impossibly closer to O’Brien. O’Brien didn’t move and Winston thought it was too good to be true.
“I admire you, O’Brien,” Winston said softly and he continued quickly. “I am constantly thinking about you and what you are doing. I want to be in a partnership with you more than anything. I wish to work for you and with you.”
O’Brien hummed and Winston glanced up at him through his eyelashes.
“May I, sir?” Winston asked and he didn’t know what he was asking for. He hoped O’Brien would decide for him.
There is so much Winston wished to do with, to, or against O’Brien, the opportunities were endless and Winston knew that he was only privileged too very little. He wanted to worship O’Brien, he wanted to be pushed down and forced to submit by O’Brien, he wanted to prove himself to O’Brien. Winston wanted O’Brien and he was almost positive O’Brien wanted him.
Winston stayed silent as O’Brien stepped back, escaping Winston’s grip slightly. But Winston did not protest when O’Brien began to undo his jumpsuit, the fabric falling from his shoulders as he shrugged it down. Winston could not look away as O’Brien was practically bare in front of him, every inch of his skin was before Winston’s eyes, uncorrupted, perfect.
“Oh,” was all Winston could utter as he leaned forward and, with shaky hands, pulled down O’Brien's underwear to reveal himself. O’Brien was hard and when Winston took his dick into his hand, O’Brien moaned softly.
Winston stared and he startled when O’Brien's hand ran through his hair, encouraging and kind. Winston glanced up at him and swallowed. O’Brien stared back and smiled, sly and almost teasingly. Winston shook his head and leaned forward so he was resting against O’Brien’s thigh, his hands coming around to hold the back of his thighs softly.
He wasn’t thinking and if he was, he might not have began to kiss at O’Brien's thighs. They were so soft and Winston had never wanted to see a man naked more than when he was with O’Brien. He wanted to see every single inch of O’Brien and now that he practically was, he couldn’t stop himself. Harshly, Winston bit into O’Brien's thigh and smiled when O’Brien trembled beneath his tongue as he traced the teeth marks.
“What are you doing?” O’Brien asked and Winston bit him again making O'Brien sigh softly.
“Marking you,” Winston said slowly.
O’Brien hummed lowly and Winston sighed in relief. He didn’t know what he would do if O’Brien tore away the privilege of marking his skin with bruises and bite marks. He was the one tainting O’Brien and he wasn’t going to let himself, nor O’Brien, forget it.
After sucking in a harsh hickey just below O’Brien's hip, Winston pulled away and took O’Brien into his hand again, jerking him slowly like he was doing it to himself.
“Yes, make yourself useful, Winston,” O’Brien said and heat spread through Winston as the words settled heavily in his mind.
He wanted to be useful for O’Brien. He wanted to be the only one who could make O’Brien feel pleasure. He wanted O’Brien.
Winston sped his hand up and he ran his thumb over the head of O’Brien's cock. He leaned forward and kissed the tip, making O’Brien’s hips twitch underneath his hands. O’Brien’s hands tangled in his hair and Winston held his breath as O’Brien pushed him past his lips so he was inside Winston’s wet, hot mouth.
His cock was heavy on Winston’s tongue and Winston wanted O’Brien to use his mouth to get off. Winston wanted to be used like it was his only purpose.
O’Brien stared down at Winston and Winston nearly moaned at the look in O’Brien’s eyes. There was nothing but undeniable lust in his eyes as he slowly pushed and pulled himself in and out of Winston’s mouth slowly, almost like he was fucking Winston’s face.
Winston let his jaw go slack and he dropped his hands so they held O’Brien’s hips tightly. He swallowed around O’Brien's cock as it hit the back of his throat and hummed his want for O’Brien to go faster and he met O’Brien’s eyes with his own teary ones. O’Brien breathed shakily and the hand in Winston’s hair tightened so he controlled Winston as he began to fuck his face, his thrusts becoming faster, more aggressive as he used Winston’s tongue to pleasure himself.
Not daring to anger O’Brien, Winston swallowed down his gagging and ran his tongue on the underside of O’Brien, shivering with every stifled moan O’Brien let out past his lips. Winston wanted to hear O’Brien but could not speak around O’Brien, filling up his mouth.
“Taking me so well,” O’Brien said and Winston whined at the praise, O’Brien twitching in his mouth. “Such a good boy.”
Winston nodded and O’Brien chuckled before being cut off by his own moan as his cock hit the back of Winston’s throat, making him swallow around him and convulse around his dick.
“You enjoy this, Winston, do you not?” O’Brien asked and the hand not in Winston’s hair caressed Winston’s cheek where he felt himself in Winston’s mouth as he thrust in and out.
Tears ran down his cheeks and Winston felt his own cock twitch in his underwear, his mind was fuzzy with nothing but the heat of pleasure and O’Brien. Winston swallowed down O’Brien until he was pushing up against O’Brien's stomach. He gagged at the feeling of O’Brien at the back of his throat but he didn’t dare pull away. He couldn’t. O’Brien’s hands had tightened in his hair and kept him choking.
Winston’s hips thrusted into nothing as heat flashed throughout his body, he wanted some kind of friction, he needed it or he was going to go insane. O’Brien pulled Winston away and they both panted to regain their breath but Winston was choked as O’Brien thrust into his mouth again, quickly and unforgivingly.
“Winston,” O’Brien said breathily and Winston needed O’Brien to say it again, the sound made himself throb in pure want. “You’re going to swallow it all, aren’t you?”
Winston moaned around O’Brien and nodded his head the best he could, he needed O’Brien to know that he wanted it.
He didn’t look away as O’Brien moaned and his hand in Winston’s hair tightened painfully, holding Winston’s against his mercy and continuing to thrust into his mouth. Winston swallowed around O’Brien's cock and choked when O’Brien’s thrusts began to lose rhythm and he became less coordinated. O’Brien threw his head back and he let out a low moan as he tugged Winston down on him and filling his throat with his cum. Winston swallowed it down, the saltiness making him wince, but he didn’t pull away, he couldn’t, O’Brien held him there, choking on him.
O’Brien pulled Winston off his cock with a shaky breath and Winston didn’t bother to wipe the tears off his cheek. He was in a haze of pleasure and want. O’Brien was on his tongue and Winston knew he would never forget the taste of him.
“You did so well, Winston,” O’Brien said, voice rough and soft.
Winston was not sure what was going to happen and he watched with blurry eyes as O’Brien tucked himself back into his underwear and knelt in front of Winston. O’Brien opened Winston’s mouth with his fingers and thrust his fingers until he hit the back of Winston’s throat. Winston gagged and O’Brien chuckled.
“Good boy for swallowing it all,” O’Brien pulled his fingers out of Winston’s mouth and stared him down. “Thank me.”
“Thank you, sir,” Winston blurted out before he could stop himself. He didn't want to disobey O'Brien, he couldn't.
O’Brien smiled and reached out for the back of Winston’s neck and Winston shivered as he was pulled forward, his face being pushed into O’Brien's neck. O’Brien pushed his thigh between Winston’s and his other handheld Winston’s hips.
They were so close and Winston’s hands darted out to hold O’Brien's hips. He desperately needed to ground himself and O’Brien's hips under his hands and his thigh between his own was more than enough to keep him sane.
“Can you touch me?” Winston asked as he shuffled forward, burying himself closer to O’Brien as he breathed in deeply, still trying to regain his breath. “Please, sir?”
“I will,” O’Brien hummed lowly and Winston melted into him.
O’Brien’s hand left Winston’s hip and he undid Winston’s jumpsuit and pulled his aching dick out of his underwear. O’Brien‘s hand was soft and Winston moaned when O’Brien began to jerk him off.
It was rough and quick like O’Brien didn’t want to waste his time one someone as useless as Winston. But Winston knew he was useful, he had let O’Brien use him and he got him off. Winston whined as O’Brien ran his thumb over the tip of his dick and didn’t stop his hips from thrusting up into O’Brien’s fist. Winston felt heat bubble up in his stomach and he buried closer to O’Brien, biting his neck as O’Brien’s other hand tangled in his hair and kept him from pulling away.
Winston moaned and he panted into O’Brien’s neck as he came on his fist, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as white-hot pleasure spread his body like an overflowing dam.
He slumped against O’Brien and felt as O’Brien ran his hand through his hair, kindly, softly. Winston smiled and pressed soft kisses into O’Brien's neck, not bothering to keep it under the collar. Everybody deserved to see that O’Brien was debauched.
O’Brien tugged Winston back by his hair and Winston frowned in confusion at the wide smile on O’Brien's face.
“You’re a mess,” O’Brien said and he stood, tucking himself back into his jumpsuit as he walked over to his desk and cleaned himself up.
Winston stayed kneeling on the floor, unsure of what to do with himself. But when O’Brien returned and wiped him down, zipped him up, and urged him to his feet, Winston obeyed.
He was trembling and Winston kept his mouth shut before he said something he regretted. O’Brien stood in front of him and he fiddled with his spectacles.
“It is time for you to leave,” O’Brien said and Winston nearly whined at the notion. “But I will be in touch with you soon enough, Winston.”
Winston smiled and nodded, his heart pounding in his chest. “Yes, sir.”
O’Brien turned away from him and Winston couldn’t take his eyes off the red bite mark that’s stood out against O’Brien's skin. He did that. He dirtied O’Brien's perfect, untouchable cleanliness that was built on nothing but power.
Winston almost forgot that he had to leave and he turned around and began to walk out, following the expensive carpet as it came to a stop just before the door. He walked what seemed to be for years, only to turn back and see that O’Brien was watching him walk away, something in his eyes.
It took every ounce of self-control for Winston not to race back into O’Brien's arms. But he trusted O’Brien that they would see each other again.
Winston did not want to keep O’Brien waiting any longer than O’Brien wanted him too so he walked away with nothing but O’Brien on his tongue and O’Brien’s face fresh in his mind.