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Childbirth was somehow different than Frank had remembered it to be. Yet somehow familiar to him.
Matt's waters had broken during the night, fitting for the baby of two of New York City's vigilantes. Matt had rolled over with a low whimper and Frank had immediately known. He had instantly known what was going on, that the kind of pain Matt was experiencing wasn't just those damn braxton hicks.
Frank had feared, for awhile, that his wife was fading away from his memory, no fresh memories of her to keep her in his mind. But when Matt's labour had begun, Frank instinctively knew what to do, what to say, how to help Matt, how to keep him calm and relaxed. He had gone through this twice before and any worry he had about not knowing what to do vanished. And that reassured him.
Frank had shuffled closer to the blind man, wrapping an arm around him, reassuringly. "It's alright, Red," He had mumbled, his voice a mere sleep ridden gruff. "S'just your waters, they've broken," He rubbed a palm up Matt's bare arm, gently. "I'll grab some shit for the hospital,"
"Frank..." Matt had trailed, his voice shaken. "I..." He swallowed. "I don't feel so good,"
"I know, baby, I know," Frank sat up, patting Matt's bump in a soft manner. "You'll feel better soon, let's get a move on, eh?" He had promised. It was a promise he had intended to keep.
Matt's dark hair had quickly become stuck to his damp forehead, his brunet locks soaked with sweat, his face flushed and his mouth twisted in pain, his hospital gown a pale pink color that Frank thought oddly suited him. The labour was long and tiring and harsh on Matt's body, they had made it through, they had prevailed through it. Frank had stayed by his side, as promised, for the entirety of his labour, whispering sweet nothings against Matt's sweaty temple as he had laboured.
Just breathe for me, baby, just breathe. In and out, good boy, Red.
Breathe, breathe, you can do it, you're alright. That's it, baby, breathe.
Easy, easy, take it easy, Red, baby. It's okay, baby's okay, you're okay.
Almost there, sweetheart, you're almost there, just keeping goin', I'm right here.
Baby, I'm right here with you, deep breaths, deep, even breaths. You know what to do.
I know it hurts, I know, Red, but you can do this, I'm here for you, Matty. I've got you, Matt. You're gonna be okay.
Settle now, settle, Red, it's alright. You're doing good. These things take time, eh? You're doing good, so good. Keep breathing for me.
At one stage, when Matt was getting bad, his contractions far too close and far more painful than they had been, he struggles to croak out; It's...it's too much...I...I can't. I-I can't, Frank, I can't. It hurts. Take me home. P-please, just take me home.
Matt's small, weakened and quiet pleads had hurt something inside of Frank and that is when the guilt had begun to set in. Matt was in pain, utter agony. And it was all Frank's fault for putting him here, in this position, for getting him pregnant.
In spite of this thought, Frank had pushed it away, managing to subside it enough to remain reassuring and caring towards a laboring Matt.
Frank had knelt down, real close beside his bed, mumbling soft words, stroking Matt's forehead, then his cheek, reassuringly. I...I know that this is scary shit, sweetheart. This ain't my first rodeo, Red. I've been here before, in the delivery room, it's scary and it's hard and it hurts; I...I know that it does, Matty, but just keep on breathing, nice, easy breaths. I'm here, m'right here, m'not goin' anywhere, I'm here with you, baby. You're doing really good, m'so proud of you right now, Red. You're doing great, really great, sweetheart. You can. Baby, you can.
When Frank had offered Matt his hand, Matt had gratefully taken it. "Squeeze my hand, Red, whenever you need to," Frank had told him. "We'll pray, shit, we'll do it all if it's what you need right now, sweetheart."
Frank had called him variations of his given name more times than he can even count. Matty. Matt. Red. Baby. Sweetheart. All of them.
When the midwife had asked him if he would like to cut the cord, Frank had been more than willing, if not quietly weeping and willing, he had been more than willing to do it all; to stay by Matt's side, to welcome their baby with him, to be there, in the delivery room.
Matt is sleeping now, sleeping off his exhaustion and fatigue, and Frank is holding her. His baby girl. He holds her close to his bare chest, the nurse had instructed him to do so when he had first held Frank Junior. Frank hadn't forgotten it. He doesn't think he ever will forget the feeling of holding his babies close to him, in such an intimate manner, when they're a mere few hours old. He is immediately enchanted and enthralled with this little girl. Just as he had been with his two angel babies.
Elodie Ruth Castle. Matt had sacrificed the Murdock name and asked Frank if he'd want their baby to match his deceased children. Frank didn't have it in him to say no. Ruth, a biblical name, for Matt. Elodie, just a name that they had stumbled upon one afternoon in Matt's apartment. Frank never knew a name so sweet.
Elodie squirms against his chest, her little face scrunched up. She has a wet head of dark hair, big dark eyes too. Frank thinks that she looks like him, even if he doesn't necessarily want to see it. It had been the first thing that Karen had said to him when she had arrived, Foggy by her side, a pastel pink balloon in her clutches that read 'It's A Girl!' in a large italic font.
"You did good, Castle," Are the first words Foggy says to him when he enters the room, stepping away from his best friend to give Karen her turn st smothering him. "Took care of him, yeah? Of them? Both of them?"
Frank had nodded. "Course I did,"
"Hi, hon," Frank whispers softly to the tiny little girl in his arms, her little, chubby cheek pressed against his chest. He reaches a hesitant finger to stroke her other cheek. "I'm your dad, Elodie," He murmurs. "You're...you're so little. Daddy seems to have forgotten just how little newborns can be, eh?"
"Everything's gonna be alright, yeah? Daddy's...daddy's gonna take good care of you, little one," Frank speaks so quietly to her, his voice blurred with tears, his vision equally foggy. "You and your mama. Daddy's gonna look after both of you, take good care of you both," Frank assures. "Gonna be there, every step of the way, daddy's not in the military anymore, daddy's gonna be here,"
Frank pauses, gathering his breath. "Your auntie Karen thinks you look just like me," He muses, bringing his daughter closer to his face, supporting her small back with his much larger hands. "Yeah, you're a daddy's girl already, aren't you, honey?"
Frank sighs, feeling weightless. He closes his eyes, breathing deeply. "I...I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, not gonna mess up like I did with your big brother and sister," He shudders tearfuly. "Daddy'll keep you safe, gorgeous. I'll always keep you safe," He promises her.
He brings his lips to meet Elodie's small, scrunched up forehead. "I...I love you, baby," Frank's voice is haunted with emotion. He swallows harshly. "Daddy loves you, so very much,"
He's a father again, holding his sweet little baby girl in his large embrace, holding her so tightly so that the world can not hurt her, can not shatter her. "Love you so much," Frank cries softly. "So much that I think it's gonna hurt more, to see you grow up, wait...wait terrified to see whether or not I...I have to protect you better than I protected little Frank and Lisa," Frank chokes out. "Please, don't ever get any bigger, just...just stay this small, and this tiny, for a long time, baby girl,"
"Frank?" Comes Matt's tired voice, sleep ridden and sore.
"Go back to sleep, baby, I've got her. She's alright," Frank says through tears.
"Are you alright?" Matt asks quietly.
"I-" Frank thinks about denying it. He shakes his head, feeling his tears inevitably fall. "No," He eventually admits. "No, I...I don't think so, Red,"
"C'mere," Matt's voice is worn and Frank feels horrible for having woken him. His labour had been gruelling, lasting well into the late hours of the afternoon, he had been asleep since five, it is now ten at night. Frank doesn't think five hours is enough sleep for somebody whose body has just been through hell. "Sit with me?"
"Did I wake you up?" Frank asks, trudging towards Matt's hospital bed, Elodie wrapped tightly in his arms, her head tucked against his chest, wearing nothing but her little diaper, a pair of yellow socks and a yellow hat.
Matt shakes his head. "I have heightened hearing, remember?" He reminds with a tired chuckle. He gazes at his baby girl. "What does she look like, Frank?" He wonders.
Frank eases himself down onto the narrow hospital bed, remaining mindful of the small, wriggling bundle in his grip. He clears his throat. "Me, apparently," He says.
Matt nods, the corners of his lips curving upwards into a small smile. "Mmh," He hums. "Figures. I do all the hard work and she looks just like you,"
"Don't get mouthy, Red," Frank chuckles. "It doesn't suit you,"
Matt turns to face him, rolling his head on his flattened pillow. "What's wrong, Frank?"
Frank shudders a breath, shaking his head once more. "I...we have a daughter," Frank whispers. "This...this tiny little girl, she's all ours,"
"I know," Matt replies in a tender voice. He rests a hand on Frank's arm. "But...but that's not what's wrong, is it, though?" He asks again.
"I..." Frank pauses, cutting himself off with a small, frustrated sigh as he looks down at little Elodie. "I...I don't want anyone to ever hurt her, Red," He whispers quietly.
Matt is silent for a long time. "Frank," He starts. "Frank, it's all gonna be okay. We're gonna take care of her, Elodie will be fine. I...I promise. We're gonna take such good care of her, you know that, right? She's going to be alright, always, she's always going to be fine, we'll make sure of that,"
Frank nods, wiping at his eyes. "M'sorry, I'm all out of wack, Red, all emotional and shit,"
"Babies tend to do that," Matt chuckles. "You're going to be alright, Frank. Elodie...she's here," He whispers, reaching out to touch his daughter's chubby cheek, roaming his hand lightly across her face.
Frank chuckles lightly. "Yeah," He nods. "She's here, Red," He pauses. "You did that, y'know? You did so good. She's here because of you, sweetheart, you did it,"
"Well, I think she's here because of both of us, eh?" Matt smirks tiredly.
Frank scoffs. "Hey," He laughs softly. "I'm tryin' to express myself here, Red," He jokes, peering down at their daughter. "She's gorgeous, Matt," He whispers. "Little Elodie Ruth,"
"Elodie Ruth Castle. It's a kick ass name," Matt grins. He shuffles closer to Frank in a cautious manner, yawning a little as he does so. "You're going to be alright, y'know? I...I know its hard, but...but you can do this. Elodie needs you to be able to do this. For her."
Frank sighs. "I...I want to do this, Red," He utters frustratedly, his voice wavering as he stares down at the newborn in his arms. "I...I've never wanted anything more, you know, to...to have a family again, to be a dad again. When my kids were born, I let it consume me; put my full identity into being their dad. What if I forget how to do it? Mmh? What if it gets too much and it brings back everything?" Frank cuts himself off before speaking in a hesitant tone. "And...and because of that, I don't know if I'll be a good dad this time around, and our girl deserves more than that, she deserves a dad who won't forget,"
Our girl.
"Frank," Matt starts softly. "You don't forget how to be a dad. You gave those little kids everything you had and they loved you so much, I...I know they did. You don't forget how to love your babies, or how to care for them, or...or any of it," He says gently. "When things happen to us, we change. We...we can't help it. We have to change. You're...somewhere in there is still you as a dad, and I know you'll find it again. Be patient with yourself,"
Frank swallows, bringing Elodie closer to him, holding her tiny body gently. She squirms a little, her miniscule hands rubbing against him. He presses a soft kiss to the top of her small head. "I love her, Matt," He whispers. "And I know, I...I know, that I'm not a particularly good man, but I have so much love for our little girl already. I'm a better father than I am a man,"
"I know you love her," Matt whispers in the dimly lit hospital room. "I can't see for shit, but I can feel...I can feel that you love her. Your heartbeat is pounding, like crazy, it's...Frank, it's so fast when you talk about her," Matt's voice cracks a little.
"She's only a few hours old...and...and I already have that bursting feeling in my heart. Like...like it's too full," Frank says quietly. "I got it with little Frank and Lisa...and that has to count for something right?"
"It counts, Frank, it counts," Matt agrees. "It means you haven't forgotten," Matt tells him warmly. "You still know how to be a dad," He runs his fingers softly against Elodie's cheek, smiling to himself as he does so. "We're all gonna be okay, we'll take it one step at a time, don't...just, please don't push yourself,"
Frank smiles, the corners of his lips curl upwards as he rubs a hand down Elodie's back, soothing her. "I love her so much already, I...I do," Frank murmurs against the top of Elodie's head. "Thank you for giving her to us, for doing what you did,"
Matt shakes his head. "Shut up," He chuckles lightly, tiredly. "I...I won't be doing it again, Frank, she's our only one," He declares weakly.
Frank laughs at this. "With how you looked with a baby bump strapped to you? I don't think so, sweetheart," He muses quietly. "You couldn't possibly deprive me of that,"
"Fuck, you're such a flirt," Matt protests.
"It's how you ended up in bed with me in the first place, isn't it?"
Matt laughs quietly, shaking his head. "Well, that and you're probably not horrible to look at," He smirks. "If I had to guess,"
"A blind joke, at a time like this, Red?" Frank grins softly.
Matt laughs again, tucking his head into the crook of Frank's neck. "You provoked me, Castle," He snorts softly.
Frank smiles, wordlessly, sitting in the easy silence that falls over them, their little Elodie making soft, tiny noises against him to fill up the peaceful silence.
The silence is interrupted by Elodie's quiet whines. "She's probably hungry," Matt surmises. "Here, pass her to me," He adds in a gentle voice.
Frank obeys, gently passing their daughter into Matt's arms. "Support her head a little more," He comments softly.
Matt scoffs mockingly. "You're already an overbearing, helicopter parent," He chuckles.
"Not my first rodeo, Red," Frank smirks.
Matt gently adjusts his daughter against his chest and the soft noises of Elodie suckling hungrily fill the room. Matt sighs, contently. "Thank God for that, because at least you're experienced with late night, disorientated diaper changes,"
"Course I am," Frank nods, endeared and grinning softly, his voice tender with emotion. "Did every one of 'em so Maria could, y'know, recover and shit,"
Matt smiles warmly. "She was lucky, y'know? So were your kids. To have you," He remarks. "I'm lucky too. So is our little Elodie,"
To have you.
They haven't exactly labeled themselves past 'oh-fuck-we're-having-a-child-together-after-fooling-around-for-months', but this is enough confirmation for Frank; and so, he leans towards Matt, reaching out to tenderly tilt the other man's chin upwards, towards himself, to have Matt's lips meet his own lips.
"I ain't goin' anywhere, sweetheart," Frank reminds. "I think that makes me the lucky one here,"