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autumn was the worst for donghyuck. between the cold and the mood shifts that came with, he hated every second of it. the things that were once beautiful began to wither and decay. with the cold biting at him he wishes he could wither like the leaves that fall onto the sidewalk.
he shoves open the door of his shared apartment, only to be met by familiar emptiness. stumbling into the bathroom, the sight before him sends a shock through his body, causing him to pause abruptly. the reflection in the mirror taunts him. that isn't his face. this one is paler than his, and decorated with ugly purple bruises under dull eyes. its not him.
the real him, anyway.
he doesnt recognize the boy staring back at him. the longer he stares at his reflection the stronger the urge to smash the mirror grows.
he isnt real, nothing is. he doesnt exist. hes insignificant.
but the thin threads of white and faint red that decorate his forearms, his bloody scraped up knees, the persistent ache within his chest. those are the things that serve as a reminder to the boy that he's still alive.
he checks the time, swiftly pulling his blades and a pill bottle from his side of the counter. his bottle of expired antidepressants. he checks the label contemplating on taking the last of the contents. donghyuck wanted nothing but for this lasting nightmare to end and it'll all be over soon.
without much time to mull it over he digests all the pills then digs the first blade into his wrist, slicing upwards towards his elbow. it hurt. more than anything he's felt, yet donghyuck wanted more. with shaky hands, unable to stop he begins to repeat the action over the rest of his forearm. he wanted to make sure it would hurt until the end, because thats what he deserved.
he cant stop shaking, thats the only thing he can register. the medication making him sick as he crouches over the toilet, retching into the bowl. a small speckle of regret washes over him as the pain kicks into overdrive. the smell of blood floods his senses as the shock slowly wears off. he feels nothing but pure agony.
…
something was off.
the moment jaemin stepped into the apartment he knew something wasn't right. it was oddly quiet, no music floating through the room like it usually would.
most importantly, his boyfriend hasn't greeted him yet. maybe he wasnt home ? no, his shoes were in the foyer. something had to be wrong. the sinking feeling in jaemin's gut couldnt be any good. the longer he stared, the more he noticed.
the smell of blood soon filled his senses the closer he drew to the restroom. "donghyuck ? baby are you okay ?" jaemin hesitantly walked into the bathroom.
the sight he's met with made him want to vomit. his beloved boyfriend hunched over the toilet covered in his own blood.
"jaem .. im sorry." donghyuck muttered out, clutching his chest in a struggle to breathe before attempting to crawl over to his lover. "please make it stop, it hurts jaemi please." donghyuck wailed.
panicked, jaemin tries his best to stay calm for the other.
"duckie its okay, i'll make it stop, i'll find a way just stay with me. please just stay." jaemin whispered, his voice shaky as he tries to pick donghyuck up without hurting him.
jaemin calls for an ambulance but donghyuck firmly protests. "im already as good as dead, theres no point jaem.." another wave of nausea hits donghyuck. he wasn't gonna last much longer. they both knew it.
"duck dont speak like that. please you're gonna be okay. they'll be here soon, just keep holding on." jaemin gently rocks the boy, planting small kisses onto his paled face.
donghyuck musters up the little energy he has to prop himself up far enough to press a kiss onto jaemin's lips.
donghyuck coughs, a bit of blood splattering onto the latter's shirt. "im sorry jaem."
he's losing the fight. "i couldn't do it anymore."
his breathing had slowed drastically, and jaemin could see the light fading from his lover’s eyes. "duckie please wake up, you have to wake up.” a sob wracked jaemin's frame. "you're okay, everything's okay please just wake up.” jaemin tried to shake the dying boy to no avail. it was no use. he was gone.