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A sound came from Sam’s phone. He set his book down on the coffee table and picked up the device. He saw that the sound had indicated a notification from Grindr, the gay sex app he had downloaded some months ago. Sam glanced briefly at the profile of the man who had contacted him. He was nothing special, but even if the man had seemed perfect Sam would not have sent a reply.
Sam had only started using Grindr because his friend Micah had talked him into it. He never responded when someone on the app tried to contact him. He was thirty years old and he had been both out as gay and ready to settle down for a few years now, but his standards were high. He wanted the perfect husband. He didn’t want casual sex and he knew that’s what the men on Grindr were looking for. He often thought about deleting the app, but he didn’t. He kept it because he liked to receive the attention he ignored. He liked to think about all he could have if he wanted it. It made him feel worth something to be desired. It was a hollow sense of worth, because these men knew hardly anything about him, but it was something.
There was a time, long ago, when Sam felt valued and deeply, profoundly loved. It was before Sam left for Stanford. In leaving for college he had left behind his big brother, Dean, and he hadn’t seen him since. Sam often thought about the portion of his life before he left. A lot of it was hard, but no matter what happened, Dean had always made sure Sam was okay. He took care of him. He treated Sam like he was precious. Sam missed that, but he could never get himself to reach out to Dean. He had countless emotions about their parting, but most of all he was guilty. He had abandoned the person who had always been there for him, left him to live the hard life of a hunter without the support of his beloved brother. Sam didn’t know how he could ever face Dean after that. Perhaps Dean wouldn’t want to reconnect. Perhaps he wouldn’t be happy to hear from Sam. Perhaps he would want nothing to do with him. Sam didn’t want to face the rejection. Better to leave things as they were.
Sam’s phone made another sound and it cut into his thoughts. He looked down and saw that this time it was a text from Micah, the friend who had coaxed him into joining Grindr.
Micah: Got a date tonight?
Sam: No, but I bet you do.
Micah: Damn right I do. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.
A winking face emoji followed.
Sam: Great, have fun.
Micah: You just going to stay home?
A frowning face emoji was added onto the end of the question.
Sam: Yeah, just going to relax.
Micah: Man, you need to get out there. It’s Saturday night.
Sam: Don’t worry about me.
Micah: Any luck on Grindr?
Sam: I told you, I don’t want casual sex. No one on there is looking for a serious relationship.
Micah: Come on, are you just going to sit at home and read every night?
Sam: Maybe.
Micah: Just give talking to someone on Grindr a try. You can search for Mister Right all you want but doesn’t having hot sex in the meantime sound good? I know you’re lonely. Just message someone back tonight, for me, and see where it goes. Pleeeeeease???
Sam: Maybe another time.
Micah: No, come on, next bottom or vers guy you hear from. Message him back, just give him a chance. You work hard all week and you deserve some fun.
Sam: You are such a pain.
Micah: That’s why you love me.
Sam: Fine, I will, if it’ll shut you up.
Micah: You know there’s nothing that can shut me up but do it anyway. You might end up having a great time, and if he sucks you can just end the conversation.
Sam: Fine.
Micah: Yaaaay! Keep me posted!!!
A long line of heart-eyed face emojis followed. Sam sent a thumbs up emoji and reached to set his phone back down so he could get back to his reading, but before he had a chance he received another Grindr notification. He felt a sense of dread; he might not be able to ignore this one. He found himself wishing it would turn out to be another top, like himself, and he would have an excuse not to pursue a connection. He took a deep breath before tapping on the notification.
The message turned out to be from a man operating under the username B3ndM3Ovr79, and Sam knew he was not hearing from another top. He had no excuse not to reply. He stared at his phone’s screen and nervously read the message.
B3ndM3Ovr79: Nice chest. Wanna see me without the swim shorts? Front and back?
Sam pulled up B3ndM3Ovr79’s profile. His profile picture showed a man from behind wearing swim shorts at the ocean. The man’s bare arms and back were compactly muscular, and his ass was perfectly rounded. Sam could faintly detect a few scars on the man’s arms and one larger scar on his back. There was no profile picture of B3ndM3Ovr79’s face. Sam’s Grindr profile had no face picture either, only one of the front side of his body in tight jeans and a formfitting T-shirt, his face cut out of frame; faceless identities were not uncommon on the app. In the About Me section B3ndM3Ovr79 had written: Strip my swim shorts and take me skinny dipping. I like it at the Bottom of the ocean.
The provocative words and accompanying image sent a gentle wave of arousal through Sam’s body and he knew with certainty that he did, in fact, want to see B3ndM3Ovr79 without the swim shorts. He wanted to see a picture of his naked ass and he wanted to see a picture of his hard, uncovered dick. He imagined the pictures and felt a hot thrill. Feeling shy and shaky and utterly aroused, he began to type his reply. It showed under his username, TopAttorney.
TopAttorney: Thanks. I’d love to see.
An instant later the first picture came through. It showed B3ndM3Ovr79’s bare ass, the skin pale and perfect, the globes of flesh toned and deeply grabbable. Sam’s cock began to harden in his pants. The second picture came through and it was a glorious dick pic. B3ndM3Ovr79’s dick was long and wide, and he was void of pubic hair. Sam imagined sucking him. He could almost feel how satisfying it would be to have B3ndM3Ovr79’s hard cock in his mouth. He pictured himself sucking B3ndM3Ovr79, then flipping him over and fucking his gorgeous ass. Sam’s cock hardened the rest of the way.
B3ndM3Ovr79: What do you think?
It suddenly occurred to Sam that he might be expected to send nude pics in return; he panicked, overwhelmed by conflicting emotions. Part of him wanted to send naked pictures to B3ndM3Ovr79, but he had never sent anyone nudes before, and he was nervous. He was particularly aroused by the idea of sending B3ndM3Ovr79 a return dick pic, but he wasn’t sure he should. He felt shy. He wondered if he ought to be cautious and not send a dick pic. It could come back to haunt him if B3ndM3Ovr79 didn’t keep it private. Still, Sam’s lust called him to do it. He had so enjoyed receiving B3ndM3Ovr79’s dick pic and he suspected that returning the favor would be equally thrilling. He tried desperately to decide, answering B3ndM3Ovr79’s question in the meantime.
TopAttorney: Gorgeous.
B3ndM3Ovr79 replied with a blushing face emoji, followed by a smirking face emoji. Sam spent so long considering whether or not to send nudes back that B3ndM3Ovr79 came to think he had been abandoned.
B3ndM3Ovr79: Still with me?
TopAttorney: Yes. Sorry. Tbh I was trying to decide if I should send you nudes in return. I haven’t sent nudes to anyone before.
B3ndM3Ovr79: Aww. Look, I’d love to see a dick pic but no pressure at all. I love getting dick pics, it turns me on so much, but just cause I sent you one doesn’t mean you have to do it back. No pressure at all, for real.
B3ndM3Ovr79’s kind words triggered a wave of confidence in Sam, and a fondness for this nameless, faceless man he had only just begun to talk to.
TopAttorney: No, I want to. Hold on…
With a rush of excitement Sam opened his fly. He took out his erection and aimed his camera’s phone at it. He took a few pictures, then selected the best one and sent it to B3ndM3Ovr79.
B3ndM3Ovr79: WOW! BIG BOY!!!
This was followed by a long series of heart-eyed face emojis.
TopAttorney: You like it?
B3ndM3Ovr79: Fuck yes. I want it inside my tight hole.
Sam gasped softly at the lewd, lovely reply and his cock throbbed. He wrapped his hand loosely around it as he used his other hand to reply.
TopAttorney: I bet your ass feels so good.
B3ndM3Ovr79: It sure does. You wanna see my hole?
TopAttorney: Oh yes.
There was a pause, and then a picture came through. It showed B3ndM3Ovr79’s ass, his hand holding his cheek aside to reveal his hairlessness and the alluring entrance that called to Sam from amid the smooth skin. Sam tightened his grip on his cock.
TopAttorney: Beautiful. So fuckable.
B3ndM3Ovr79: Wanna meet up? I can be ready in like 20 minutes. I can come to you or you can come to my motel.
Sam froze. He hadn’t been prepared to actually meet anyone from Grindr in person. He had just wanted Micah to stop annoying him about using the app. He considered declining the offer and excusing himself from the conversation, but he felt an oddly strong connection to B3ndM3Ovr79 and he didn’t want him to leave his life so soon. What he really wanted was to get to know B3ndM3Ovr79 as a person. What he really wanted was to see if there could be genuine romance between them, but he didn’t know if B3ndM3Ovr79 was open to exploring that. Though they had met on a casual sex app, Sam held irrational hope that something more could happen between them. It was not much hope, but it was enough that he felt a sort of desperation to keep the conversation going. Still, Sam didn’t want casual sex, and until he knew for sure that B3ndM3Ovr79 was available for more than that, he had to protect his heart. Sam realized too that, until he knew that B3ndM3Ovr79 could be trusted, he also needed to protect his identity. He had both his vulnerability and his career to consider.
TopAttorney: Sorry, but I’m not ready to meet up with anyone. I can’t even do real names or face pics, at least not right now. You’re actually the first guy I’ve replied to on here and tbh I’m kind of nervous. But I’d love to keep texting. We could send each other more pictures.
B3ndM3Ovr79: Sounds good. Just let me know if/when you do want to meet up while I’m in town. I’ll leave it to you to bring it up, ok?
TopAttorney: Okay. Thanks so much for understanding. I have a reward…
Sam arranged his phone and took a picture of his hand wrapped around his hard cock. He sent the pic through.
TopAttorney: Your pics made me so hard and horny, Sam wrote after sending the picture. Think I should jerk my cock while we talk?
B3ndM3Ovr79: Fuck yeah. I’ll jerk off too. Tell me what you’d do to me if we met up. Pretend you’re doing it to me right now.
TopAttorney: Do you like it rough or gentle?
B3ndM3Ovr79: Either.
Sam started to jerk himself as he began their mutually imagined sex.
TopAttorney: As soon as you open the door to your motel room I grab you and tear your clothes off. I work out almost every day. I’m strong and I just rip your clothes to shreds.
B3ndM3Ovr79: Fuck yes. Let me show you more of what you see.
The picture that came through next showed B3ndM3Ovr79’s naked body from the neck down, his hard cock protruding from his hairless pubis. His chest was appealing and compactly muscular in the same way that his back and arms had appeared to be in his profile picture. His nipples called out to be pinched. The skin of his chest and stomach was covered in scars of varying sizes. Sam had always found scars attractive. He wanted to ask what had happened to cause so many, but it felt like too personal a question.
TopAttorney: So sexy. I throw you to the floor and kiss you hard and then lick you all over. I lick your nipples and I lick each of those pretty scars.
B3ndM3Ovr79: You like them? They don’t bother you?
TopAttorney: I like scars.
B3ndM3Ovr79: That’s good. I bet you’re wondering why I have so many.
TopAttorney: Not if you don’t want to say.
B3ndM3Ovr79: My job is sort of dangerous.
Sam wanted to ask what his job was but decided he ought to wait and see if B3ndM3Ovr79 volunteered the information. He didn’t. Instead, Sam received another picture. It showed B3ndM3Ovr79 lying down and facing a mirror with his legs parted and back and his ass cheeks spread. His head was cut out of frame. Sam took the picture as a firm change of subject and said nothing further about B3ndM3Ovr79 scars or his job, despite his keen curiosity.
TopAttorney: Your ass is amazing. I hold your legs back and lick your hole before I fuck you. Do you like it?
B3ndM3Ovr79: Fuck yeah I do. I bet you’re so good with your tongue.
TopAttorney: Very good. I run the tip of my tongue along the edge over and over and then I slip it inside.
B3ndM3Ovr79: I’m so tight around your tongue. Can you imagine how tight I’ll feel around your huge cock?
TopAttorney: Oh god, I bet it will feel so good, so tight. Do you like to be prepared with fingers first?
B3ndM3Ovr79: No, don’t stretch me first, just add some lube and shove it in. Shove that big thing right into me and let me be tight tight so tight around you.
Sam jerked his cock rapidly as they exchanged sexy messages. He moaned, the sound cutting into the silence of his living room.
TopAttorney: I lube up and shove it in hard and fuck you fast, pinning you down and pounding into you. Do you like it? How does it feel?
B3ndM3Ovr79: Fuck yes, it feels so good, fuck me hard with that body, you are so fucking hot.
Sam enjoyed the compliment. He decided it was time he sent another pic. He remembered that B3ndM3Ovr79 had complimented his chest at the start of the conversation and decided to strip his shirt and take a close-up of his pecs.
B3ndM3Ovr79: Fucking love that chest. I roll us over and run my hands all over those muscles. I lick your nipples over and over.
TopAttorney: It feels so good. Are you good with your tongue too?
B3ndM3Ovr79: So fucking good. I lick them with my flat tongue and flick them with the tip and suck gently on them.
TopAttorney: I grab your hair and roll us over again and shove my cock into you over and over, moving in and out as fast as I can. I make you moan and scream. I slam into that perfect ass again and again and again.
B3ndM3Ovr79: Oh fuck, are you jerking your cock so hard right now too? I’m jerking myself so hard, I want to come thinking of you and everything you’re doing to me.
TopAttorney: Then come while I keep fucking you. Come while I use your hole for ages and ages. I can last so long and I fuck you so hard, wildly. And yes, I’m jerking off so hard too, I’ll come too, I’ll come over my hand and pretend I’m coming deep inside you.
B3ndM3Ovr79: Oh fuck…
Sam gave his cock a final, rapid stroke and spilled his seed over his hand with a low moan. He rushed to take a picture of his seed dripping over the tip of his cock and sent the proof of his release to B3ndM3Ovr79. A moment later Sam received a similar picture in reply. He felt a deep sense of satisfaction, as well as a deep fondness for B3ndM3Ovr79 that he knew he should most likely repress; he wasn’t meant to be feeling romantic. Sam reminded himself that this was a nameless, faceless sexter from Grindr. He knew hardly anything about the man, yet he felt a bizarre closeness to him. He decided he better end the interaction before his feelings grew any stronger. He had to keep his emotions in check until there was evidence that B3ndM3Ovr79 was open to romance.
B3ndM3Ovr79: That was so fun.
TopAttorney: It was, so good. Hey look, I hate to sext and run but unfortunately I have to get going.
B3ndM3Ovr79: Kay. Wanna do it again tomorrow night? Same time?
TopAttorney: I’d love to. Talk to you then.
B3ndM3Ovr79: Can’t wait. Have a good night.
TopAttorney: I can’t wait either. Have a good night.
As Sam closed the app, he thought about how poor a decision it had been to plan another sexting session with B3ndM3Ovr79 when he was trying to repress romantic feelings for him. At the same time, Sam yearned urgently for more of B3ndM3Ovr79’s words and pictures. He spent the next twenty-four hours looking forward to their virtual meeting.
~
Sam and B3ndM3Ovr79 began sexting every night. Over time they began texting throughout the day too. Still using the Grindr app, they sent little messages to say good morning or hello or to wish each other a good day. As more time passed, their non-sexual texting increased, both during the day and after they finished sexting at night. When one of them was in a bad mood he vented to the other. When one of them was happy about something that had happened, he texted the other to tell the story. They often texted each other jokes, and when one was sad the other tried to cheer him up with pictures of cute animals.
Sometimes Sam talked about his job, about the stresses of being an attorney, but B3ndM3Ovr79 remained cagey about his own profession and Sam didn’t push it. During one of their chats Sam learned that B3ndM3Ovr79 had remained in town longer than his job required, just in case Sam decided he wanted to meet. He had stayed for Sam. Sam was glad, even though he was still scared to meet. He had not yet managed to kill his fear that, even after everything, B3ndM3Ovr79 only wanted casual sex and would be done with Sam afterwards. For the time being, Sam wanted things to remain as they were.
Then came the day that B3ndM3Ovr79 suggested they finally exchange first names and face pics.
B3ndM3Ovr79: I was just thinking, since we’ve kind of gotten close, it would be nice to know what each other looked like. Don’t you think? And if you want, maybe also exchange first names? I know you don’t want to meet up, at least not yet, and there’s still no pressure, but I just thought maybe first names and face pics might be okay for you at this point? It’s cool to say no of course.
Sam felt panic at the request, but he did want to see B3ndM3Ovr79’s face and know his real name. It had been nearly two months since they began talking and he had come to trust B3ndM3Ovr79 in a way, even without a name or a face. He trusted him as much as he could trust someone he had never met, and he felt for him deeply. He suspected that B3ndM3Ovr79 had come to feel for him too; their virtual chatting had gone on far too long and gotten far too affectionate for it to all be about casual sex, or so Sam hoped. Part of Sam had been wondering for some time – what if B3ndM3Ovr79 was Mister Right? Sam decided he was ready to take a step closer to meeting.
TopAttorney: Okay, yes, that would be nice.
B3ndM3Ovr79: Woo! I’ll go first. One sec…
Sam waited with a pounding heart, eager to learn what B3ndM3Ovr79’s face looked like. He imagined he would find it attractive no matter what it looked like because he already liked B3ndM3Ovr79 so much as a person. Still, Sam was full of nervous curiosity. He was excited to learn B3ndM3Ovr79’s real name too. He looked forward to typing it in future messages, and he hoped to one day speak it, to feel it on his lips and hear it in his voice.
And then the picture came through and Sam felt like a rushing brick wall had suddenly slammed against him. His hand began to shake and he dropped his phone to the floor, but he could still see the screen and the picture it showed: it was a picture of his brother Dean.
~
Sam didn’t text Dean back for five days. Dean sent him message after message for the first three days, then typed one last word and stopped.
B3ndM3Ovr79: Goodbye.
Sam spent the remaining two days frequently staring at Dean’s final message while tears spilled softly from his eyes. He knew it was wrong to ignore him, but he didn’t know what to say. He wondered if Dean was better off not knowing that he had repeatedly sexted with his brother. At the same time, Sam pondered the idea that it was all a sign that Sam and Dean should try and reconnect as brothers. Yet even if it was a sign, Sam feared they would never be able to get past the awkwardness of the virtual incest they had accidently participated in. No matter what, Sam knew he should say something. Incest or not, Sam and B3ndM3Ovr79 had made a connection that mattered, and it was cruel to end it in silence. Letting it end that way would also be like abandoning Dean all over again. On the morning of the fifth day, Sam decided what he should do and sent Dean a message.
TopAttorney: I’m so sorry I disappeared.
B3ndM3Ovr79: Didn’t like my face pic, I take it.
TopAttorney: It’s not that.
B3ndM3Ovr79: Then what?
TopAttorney: I have to tell you something.
B3ndM3Ovr79: Tell me.
TopAttorney: We already know each other in real life, and we’re people who should not be sexting each other.
B3ndM3Ovr79: Oh crap. Well, since you already know who I am, I think you should tell me who you are.
TopAttorney: Dean, it’s me, Sam.
There was no reply for about an hour. Sam cried, wounded and overwhelmed and full of regret and longing. He had been falling in love with his estranged brother without knowing it and now he had lost Dean all over again. He felt like he had lost a brother and a lover at the same time; he had.
Then Dean’s reply came.
B3ndM3Ovr79: Sam, I’m so sorry about the sexting. I didn’t mean to take advantage of you. I would never want to hurt you. I didn’t know it was you.
TopAttorney: Don’t be sorry. You didn’t take advantage of me. Neither of us knew.
B3ndM3Ovr79: What the hell are we supposed to do now? Go back to never talking?
TopAttorney: I hope not. Now that we’re in touch, maybe we can try and reconnect as brothers. We could get together and catch up. I’ve missed you. And I’m so sorry I left.
There was a long pause and Sam was afraid Dean had disappeared for good. His heart sank nearly to the floor, but then came Dean’s answer.
B3ndM3Ovr79: Ok, yeah, let’s meet up. As brothers, of course.
TopAttorney: Of course.
~
They made plans to meet at Sam’s place the following evening. When the time came, Sam heard his doorbell ring and panic rushed through him. He took a deep breath and walked slowly to his front door. He reached out for the doorknob and saw that his hand was shaking. He closed his eyes and took a few more slow, deep inhales and exhales; his hand stilled. He opened the door.
Upon seeing him, Sam’s instinct was to grab him and kiss him. All the lewd words and naked pictures they had exchanged filled his mind. This was his brother Dean, but it was also B3ndM3Ovr79, the man Sam had been gradually falling in love with. He thought of all the non-sexual words he and B3ndM3Ovr79 had exchanged, supporting each other and making each other smile, romance swirling silently in each of their communications. He yearned to take B3ndM3Ovr79 into his arms and never stop kissing him, but B3ndM3Ovr79 was also Dean, was also his brother. Sam was enveloped by shame.
“Please come in,” he said, stepping aside.
“Thanks,” Dean mumbled as he entered.
“Can I get you something to drink?” Sam offered in a stilted tone. “I have water, juice, seltzer, wine, beer... A beer maybe?”
“Yeah, thanks.”
Sam took two beers from the fridge and the brothers sat down beside each other on the couch to catch up as planned. Sam felt a strong pull to inch closer to Dean on the couch. He craved B3ndM3Ovr79’s touch – Dean’s touch – but he tried to convince himself that he didn’t. A long time passed in silence. They each nursed their beers. Sam tried desperately to think of what to say, but there was too much to pick out one thing.
“So,” he finally spoke, but Dean spoke at the same moment. They both chuckled nervously.
“You go first,” Sam said.
“Okay,” Dean agreed awkwardly. “I was going to say how weird it was to learn you’re on Grindr because I didn’t even know you liked men. I mean, sometimes when we were growing up I got the sense you were gay, but then later I figured I was wrong.”
“No, you were right, but I only came out five years ago,” Sam explained. “Before that I was trying really hard to convince myself I was straight. I was even engaged to a woman for a while. It’s not that I think it’s wrong for people to be gay, not at all. I just couldn’t accept it for myself.” He sighed. “I didn’t know you were gay either,” he said after a pause. The truth was that Sam had suspected since Dean’s teenage years that Dean had an interest in men, but he was never sure. Dean was so passionate about his lust for women that Sam couldn’t really see him as gay. In the end he had decided that it was none of his business and had tried to put his curiosity aside.
“I’m bi,” Dean replied, “but I’m not really out. I mean, I go on Grindr all the time and have sex with guys I’ll never see again, but other than that I pretend I’m straight. I know TopAttorney and I have, uh, talked for a long time and not just met up and fucked, but that’s the first time I’ve done that. I don’t know why I did it, I guess I felt a connection. Before TopAttorney – I mean, before you – it was just fucking random guys from Grindr and pretending to be straight the rest of the time.”
“It hurts, doesn’t it?” Sam asked softly. “To pretend.”
Dean nodded, then cleared his throat and looked away. Sam gazed at his face – pained but lovely.
“So, what were you going to say before?” Dean asked after the pause, changing the subject.
“I was going to ask about Dad.”
“Oh,” Dean said darkly.
“Is, is he dead? I, I thought you would have contacted me if he died.”
“He’s not dead,” Dean assured him. “I definitely would have told you. But he left a long time ago. He went on a hunt by himself and didn’t come back. I was worried so I went looking and I tracked him down eventually. Found him at a motel in Texas, watched him walk into his motel room. He never knew I was there, never saw me. He was talking to someone on one of his phones and he said, ‘never tell Sam or Dean where I am.’” Dean’s voice was heavy with his woundedness.
“You’ve been hunting all on your own then?” Sam asked, his guilt threatening to smother him to death.
“Yeah,” Dean said coldly. “You both left me, didn’t you. What was I supposed to do? Had to keep going on my own. Couldn’t just give up.”
Sam thought of all Dean’s scars and wondered if he would have any of them had he fought with backup. Sam knew he should have been that backup.
“Dean, I’m so sorry I left you,” he spoke, shoving down his nagging tears. “Do you think you can ever forgive me?”
Dean took a long swig of his beer and said nothing. Sam waited, trying to prepare himself for any reply. If Dean couldn’t forgive him now, Sam would try to earn his brother’s forgiveness over time. He was prepared to do whatever was needed.
“I almost came to get you,” Dean spoke hoarsely, his voice cutting into the long silence.
“When?”
“When Dad first disappeared. I thought we could look for him together. You were in school, your senior year at Stanford. I drove down there and pulled into a parking space. I sat in the car and I, I don’t know, I kind of, like, yearned for you. And I wanted to go inside and be with you, take you with me and be a team again, but I pictured you saying no and, and it broke my heart. So I drove away, and I cried and cried. I remember the road was blurry, from the tears. I missed you so much, Sammy.”
“Dean,” Sam whispered, and he reached out and placed his hand gently on Dean’s cheek. Dean stared at him with guarded eyes, but Sam could see the vulnerability Dean was attempting to hide and it made Sam’s heart feel tender. Not thinking, only feeling, Sam leaned in and kissed Dean’s lips. In that moment Sam’s fondness for Dean and his fondness for B3ndM3Ovr79 clicked together completely. He felt the intensity of his lifelong brotherly love for Dean, and at the same time he felt his budding romantic affection for B3ndM3Ovr79 rapidly blossom into profound romantic love. Sam’s heart could truly see now that they were the same person, and that Sam loved that person as both a brother and a lover. The two forms of love mixed gracefully yet urgently together and formed an emotion that Sam could not define. It was more powerful and exquisite than anything he had ever felt before. It was something he had not known existed. Dean kissed Sam back with matched passion, then climbed onto his lap, straddling his hips with a rapid, hungry motion. They kissed for ages, tongues claiming each other and lips pressing fiercely. They gripped each other’s faces like they might slip away at any moment.
“Wait, wait, Sammy,” Dean panted, suddenly pulling back from the deep kiss, “can we really do this? Is it, is it wrong?”
Sam tried to find his words, tried to think of how to express to Dean that their closeness was all that mattered. It was clear to him now that their nearness was infinitely more important than concerns about societal taboos. Sam wanted to explain that to Dean, to speak impassioned words about the rightness of what they longed for, but all he could do was make a needy sound and take Dean’s hands into his.
“Dean,” he managed to whisper, then kissed Dean’s hands over and over.
“Sammy,” Dean said with what Sam was almost certain was the same mix of brotherly and romantic love that Sam was feeling. Dean had seemed to understand what Sam had been unable to speak aloud. “Sammy, do you, do you want to show me your bedroom?”
Sam nodded with keen enthusiasm, his heart singing with elation. They stood and Sam led Dean by the hand to his bed. There he tugged at Dean’s clothes and Dean kissed him again, then stripped his own layers as Sam watched. After Dean was nude Sam shed his clothes too and took Dean into his arms with a soft moan. He guided him to lie on his back on the bed and gazed down at him, their eyes locked for a long moment. He reached out and trailed his fingers down the sides of Dean’s neck and over his arms and chest and stomach. He bent his head and used presses of his lips and little laps of his tongue against Dean’s skin. He stroked and kissed and licked over each scar. Dean made breathy sounds. Sam felt guilt as he examined each scar with his fingers and mouth, but the marks also aroused and interested him. He wanted to know the story behind each one, and if the stories made Dean upset he wanted to hold him and tell him everything was alright.
“Sammy,” Dean spoke in a small voice, “no one has ever kissed my scars like that. I mean, sometimes people are into them and they lick them and stuff, but not, not like this. Not lovingly.”
Sam raised his head.
“Is it alright?”
Dean nodded, and he looked like he was about to cry. Sam crawled up the bed and lay beside him. Dean turned his head to face him and Sam saw a single tear slide from Dean’s eye. Gently, Sam wiped it away.
“Are you alright?” Sam asked softly.
“Yes,” Dean answered, looking embarrassed. “It was a happy tear. I, I always knew it would feel this perfect with you, Sammy. Every time I imagined it…”
“When you imagined TopAttorney, you mean?”
“No,” Dean spoke intensely, “you, Sammy. I thought it was wrong, and I never, ever thought it would be real, but while we were apart, all those years, I’d have these fantasies that we’d run into each other one day and we’d, we’d be together, and you’d be so, so,” his voice broke, and he took a shuddering breath. “Just, please, please don’t stop.”
“Dean,” Sam whispered, then kissed Dean’s lips tenderly. He pulled softly away after a lingering moment. He gazed at Dean’s face for a few beats; it looked so stunningly unguarded, so strikingly vulnerable, that Sam couldn’t help but kiss Dean once more before returning to his task. Following the brief kiss, Sam resumed moving slowly over Dean’s skin, giving each scar loving attention with his lips and tongue and fingertips. After he had coated every scar on Dean’s front side with affection, he gently turned him over to reach the large scar on his back. Dean made a sweet gasp as Sam began to cover it with kisses.
When Sam was done with Dean’s scars, he lowered his head to line up with Dean’s ass. Lying on his stomach between Dean’s legs, Sam parted Dean’s ass cheeks and gazed at his hairless skin. It looked even more appealing in person than it had in all the pictures Dean had sent. Sam licked the smooth skin of Dean’s inner cheeks, inching closer and closer to his hole, gliding his tongue over the silky, bald flesh. When he reached Dean’s asshole at last, he pressed a kiss to the circle of sensitive flesh.
“Fuck yes,” Dean groaned.
Sam ran his tongue around the edge of Dean’s entrance. He drew zigzags over the ring of puckered skin. He swirled his tongue around the entire space and lapped up Dean’s smooth crack again and again. He teased the tight opening, slipping just the very tip of his tongue into Dean’s channel. Dean made noises of urgency and occasionally rocked his hips, pressing his cock to the bed beneath him and aiming to drive Sam’s tongue deeper inside. Eventually Sam obliged him and pushed his entire tongue into Dean’s tightness. Dean writhed and called out. Sam glided his tongue in and out, fucking Dean’s hole with his tongue as his hands massaged the cheeks of Dean’s ass. He relished Dean’s sounds of pleasure as time stretched on.
“Oh fuck, Sammy,” Dean cried out. “Fuck, it feels so good, fuck, you are good with your tongue.”
He moaned for many long, steamy moments, grinding against the bed. Sam used his tongue with passion.
“Sammy,” Dean said then, voice laden with emotion, “it feels so right, being so close to each other. We never should have been apart. I, I missed you so much.”
Sam gave his tongue a final thrust, kissed the hole, then sat up and guided Dean to do the same. He pulled him into a fiercely tight hug, and Dean clung to him.
“I missed you too, Dean.”
“Please, please don’t leave me again.”
“Never, never again.”
Dean exhaled, a sound of heavy relief.
“I’m so sorry I left,” Sam continued. “I should have brought you with me or not gone at all. We belong together.”
“Yes, yes, together, no matter what.”
“Can you ever forgive me?” Sam asked again, holding his hope cautiously.
“Yes, I forgive you, Sammy,” Dean spoke, voice breaking, “and I’m sorry too, for every way that I failed you. I only ever wanted to do right by you. I, I only ever wanted to take care of you.”
“You did, Dean,” Sam spoke with quiet intensity. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“Please, Sammy, please say you forgive me.”
“I forgive you, Dean. I love you.”
“Oh, Sammy, I love you so much.”
They kissed for a long, tender moment and then Sam arranged Dean on his back. He kissed down his chest and stomach, but quickly this time, then brought his mouth to Dean’s cock. He wrapped his hand around the firm shaft and began to lap over and around the head. Dean swore softly and Sam kissed the tip, then lowered his spread lips, taking Dean’s hardness fully into his mouth.
“Fuck, Sammy, your mouth.”
Sam slowly raised his head, dragging his mouth off Dean’s cock, then pushed his head down once again, encompassing Dean’s hardness with the warm, wet softness of his tongue and inner cheeks. He repeated his motions, bobbing his head at a rapidly increasing pace. He had intended to move slowly for a long while first, but his desire had taken him over. He craved Dean’s orgasm and he needed to chase it. He anticipated the ecstasy of being the cause of Dean’s release, of creating his moment of bliss. He wanted Dean to come for him, all for him.
As Sam sucked Dean’s cock, he fondled Dean’s hairless balls. He rubbed his palm against them and he stroked over them with his fingertips. In time he slipped his hand lower and worked his fingers beneath Dean’s body and between his ass cheeks. He found Dean’s hole and rubbed the outside while he continued to rush his mouth on and off Dean’s erection. Dean made low, lengthy groans and clutched at the bedcoverings. Sam treasured each sound, wanting to suck Dean forever just as much as he wanted to make him come. It wasn’t long though before Dean’s sounds grew wild and Sam knew that his orgasm was nearing. He moved his head even faster and rubbed quicker circles against Dean’s entrance.
“Sammy, fuck, I’m gonna come,” Dean yelled, and his hips gave an emphatic jerk as he screamed and spilled down Sam’s throat. Sam swallowed joyfully, then gently removed his mouth and kissed the softening flesh. “Fuck,” Dean panted, his arms reaching out for Sam. Sam climbed up beside him and took him into his arms, then gave his lips a brief kiss. “That was so good,” Dean murmured dreamily after the kiss, and he nuzzled against Sam’s chest. Sam loved holding him, but he was also feeling mad with lust, his erection yearning for contact, his body longing for an orgasm of its own.
“Will you fuck me now?” Dean asked, as though he could sense Sam’s nagging arousal.
“Yes, Dean,” Sam moaned, and he ran his fingers through Dean’s hair and up and down his back. With his free hand Sam reached into his nightstand drawer and pulled out a condom and a tube of lubricant. Dean took the items from Sam’s hands. He slowly rolled the condom onto Sam’s hardness, then slicked it with lube. Sam felt heady at Dean’s touch. He watched Dean’s hands on him.
“No fingers first, right?” Sam asked. He knew from all their sexting that Dean preferred the stretched feeling of an unprepared hole, but he thought he ought to check anyhow.
“No fingers,” Dean confirmed as he lay on his back. “I just want to feel you fill me, now, now, please, I can’t wait any longer.”
Sam made an urgent sound and layered his body on top of Dean’s with his pelvis between Dean’s parted, bent legs. He gazed down at Dean’s face for a sweet moment, then pushed himself smoothly into Dean’s channel.
“Fuck yes, so big, so good,” Dean cried out as Sam held himself still within Dean’s body, savoring his tightness.
“Oh god, you feel amazing,” Sam spoke, feeling like he was precisely where he belonged.
“Sammy, please fuck me.”
Sam moaned at the words, then began to move, gliding his cock in and out of Dean’s ass. He fucked him gently for a time, kissing his lips and neck with tender passion. Dean wrapped his arms around Sam’s back and breathed heavily. A sweetly blissful expression took over Dean’s face as Sam gradually sped up his thrusts. Small, tender moans poured from Dean’s lips between kisses. Sam quickened his pace in increments until he was pounding Dean at wild speed, his motions fervent and unbridled. He groaned and stared down into Dean’s eyes.
“You feel so good inside me,” Dean spoke in a fond, quiet voice.
“I could fuck you forever.”
“Fuck yes.”
Knowing how to last, Sam did fuck Dean for what felt very much like forever. He wanted to come but he didn’t want it to end. Dean began to moan – Sammy, Sammy, Sammy… – again and again. Sam slammed in and out of him and kissed his lips with profound passion, with boundless love. Dean’s return kiss was heavy with just as much passion and love, evident in his every movement, obvious in his every muffled sound. Sam’s hips snapped on and on, but eventually he started to feel mad with his need for release.
“I’m going to come soon,” he whispered into Dean’s ear.
“Sammy,” Dean moaned, and he kissed him deeply.
Sam pounded into him as they kissed, moving even faster than he already had been, and soon he let himself go, releasing within the tight confines of Dean’s channel. He broke the kiss to cry out with pleasure as his orgasm consumed him, as the intensity of his closeness to Dean consumed him. Dean held Sam’s body to his own with a fierce grip and pressed his lips to Sam’s neck as Sam rode out his climax, and Sam vowed to himself that he would never again let them part. Hunting or not hunting, they would work it out. Everything in all the world was secondary to the necessity of their eternal union.