Work Text:
Kaoru didn’t consider himself a coward, but after months and months heavily pining for his best friend without the courage to confess his feelings, he started to feel pretty much like one. After over ten years of friendship it was scary to cross the line and pour your heart to your best friend without knowing if your feelings would be requited. That’s why he still hasn’t told Kojiro anything.
But he wanted; he wanted to tell him so badly.
He was a little bit unsure if making a move was even a good idea. Sometimes Kojiro gazed at him in a way that made his heart flutter like crazy and his cheeks flush a pretty deep red; and sometimes he prolonged physical contact longer than was necessary, worsening his longing. But once again, wasn’t that normal among best friends? Kaoru didn’t know what to think anymore. On one hand, he thought that if Kojiro felt something romantically for him, he’d have told him already; they talked about everything with honesty. But on the other hand, didn’t that make him a hypocrite for not being honest with his feelings? Maybe it did.
Being hopelessly in love with your best friend was a curse and a blessing all at the same time.
The only way Kaoru knew how to alleviate his frustration was watching cheesy rom-coms and crying his eyes out to his heart’s content.
But one of those movies was precisely the one that gave him a brilliant idea of how to confess his feelings for his best friend.
“What is this?” Kojiro asked when he returned to class, noticing how a post-it note was on his table.
Kaoru shrugged, feigning he didn't know anything about it, when he was who had put it there.
“I was distracted with the phone, I didn't see who put it there, sorry.” Kaoru lied.
Kojiro took the note and read it. Then he beamed, and Kaoru's heart did a flip on his chest.
“I love your smile.” Kojiro read what the note said aloud.
And it was true, Kaoru loved his smile; he could spend a lifetime seeing his best friend laugh; falling even more in love with that smile; a smile as bright as the sun.
“Do you have any idea of who could have written that?” Kaoru asked out of curiosity.
Not suspicious at all, of course not.
Kojiro glanced immediately at him, making his heart beat even faster. Did he know already?
“I don't know.” Kojiro finally said, smiling softly at him.
Kaoru smiled back at him, feeling a little bit relieved that he hadn’t discovered him so easily. He had a lot more notes to deliver to Kojiro after all.
That week, Kojiro received five different notes, one for each day. Some of them were things that Kaoru loved about him, others, were cheesy quotes that Kaoru thought conveyed how he felt for his best friend.
And Kojiro loved them.
He still said that he didn't have a clue who his secret admirer was, but Kaoru was starting to feel like he was getting closer and closer to getting his shit together to feel ready to confess his feelings. But he needed some more reassurance; he needed more time.
Just one more week, and he'd tell Kojiro everything. From the notes to his feelings.
“I wish we could laugh together forever”, “You're everything I could think about”, “I wish I was braver to kiss you at every chance I have”, “When you smile it's like feeling the sun bathing your skin for the first time in forever”, and for the grand finale, the note he left him that friday was the cheesiest quote he thought that reflected perfectly how he felt for him: “I finally know why my heart beats faster when you're not around. I guess it's hoping you'll hear it, 'cause you know; it's beating for you”.
Kaoru waited patiently for Kojiro to return and read that last note, fearing and anticipating what his reaction would be.
When he saw him head back to his seat Kaoru's heart started to hammer like crazy against his chest. He tried not being too obvious, but curiosity was stronger than him. He took his phone out, pretending he was checking Instagram, when he was side eyeing him instead.
“Oh, I was starting to think I wasn't gonna get a note today. I'm really fond of them, you know?” Kojiro said with a soft chuckle.
Kaoru grunted in agreement, trying to make him believe he wasn't interested at all in said note.
When he finally read the note, Kojiro's eyes sparkled with affection and a subtle blush covered his cheeks, making his pretty freckles pop up.
“What does it say this time?” Kaoru asked, trying very hard to sound as disinterested as possible.
He finally dared to fully look at him, and the way Kojiro was smiling made his heart do a somersault.
“Something very beautiful, and… I think I finally know who is writing them.” Kojiro said with a sheepish smile.
“You do?” Kaoru asked immediately, cursing himself for sounding so eager to know it.
His heart beat faster and faster while he waited for Kojiro's answer, feeling how the crippling anxiety was starting to make him breath with difficulty.
“Yeah, I think it's Hana.” Kojiro finally answered, beaming radiantly.
No. It wasn't her. It was him, and he was completely frozen on his seat. Kaoru's heart started to ache, his anxiety worsening and his erratic breathing making him feel like a thousand needles were nailing down his lungs.
Kojiro was looking at him expectantly, like he was waiting for an answer from him. And what could Kaoru tell him if not the truth?
“I think I'm gonna ask her out on a date.” Kojiro added.
And Kaoru's heart shattered in thousands of pieces.
He needed to tell him. He needed to tell him everything. But he couldn't, he was still frozen on his seat; unable to do anything but look at Kojiro with pleading eyes and try to make him understand that Hana had nothing to do with the notes.
But he needed to talk now, or he would regret it forever.
Why didn't he could say anything? He wanted to cry; he wanted to come clean to Kojiro. But he couldn't speak, he was still scared of what would happen next when Kojiro finally knew everything, and now he was also heartbroken, because Kojiro never told him he was interested on their classmate, and that made him feel sad and angry at the same time.
“Do whatever you want.” Was Kaoru's answer in the end.
He was a complete asshole, didn't he?
Kojiro's smile faltered for a second, but Kaoru noticed it. That wasn't the answer Kojiro was expecting, and what Kaoru told him made him feel upset, even if he was still smiling. Kaoru knew Kojiro better than anyone else, and he hated to upset him more than anything in this world.
When their teacher came back to class, and they had to sit in silence once again, Kaoru thought that he totally lost his only chance to confess his feelings.
He also though it was a fucking miracle that he hadn't shed a single tear until he finally got to his house later that day.
Kaoru was tired of crying, his eyes were red and puffy; he'd been crying all night and he couldn’t stop. Not after knowing that Kojiro really asked Hana on a date the day before. They were going out today, and every time Kaoru thought about it, his heart ached painfully and his stomach hurted like someone was punching him over and over again in the gut. Fat tears fell down his cheeks once again.
He felt like an idiot and like an absolute coward. He had the biggest chance to confess his feelings at hand reach, and he fucked everything up. If he only had the courage to say he was the one behind the notes… he was so mad at himself for having been so damn scared about it.
What would be the worst case scenario? That Kojiro wouldn’t return his feelings? Well, that sure would hurt a lot. But Kaoru knew Kojiro wouldn’t stop being his friend for something like that.
He should have told him the truth, but now it was too late.
Kaoru was starting to get tired of being in bed crying all day, and his room started to feel a little bit too small and suffocating. He finally got to get up and have a shower, letting the water clean the trail of tears on his cheeks. The hot water helped him relax a bit, but the dread and the ache on his heart still made him feel physically ill. He needed to get out of his house and stop thinking about Kojiro for a while.
After the shower, he got dressed and took his skateboard to get as far away from his house as possible. He didn’t think where to go, he just trusted his feets and board to take him somewhere else where he couldn’t think about Kojiro for a damn second.
When he arrived at their spot, Kaoru was angry at his subconscient for having brought him here without realizing it. But what made him feel angrier, was seeing Kojiro there. Was he waiting for Hana here? This was their spot ; this was where they learned to do a lot of skating tricks together; this was their safe place. And Kojiro was here, betraying him and planning on bringing someone else that wasn’t Kaoru; he was having a date today, with someone that wasn’t him.
“What are you doing here?” Kaoru demanded to know when he approached Kojiro. He looked at him like he didn’t understand why Kaoru was so angry. “Weren’t you supposed to be on a date? Or are you gonna bring her to our spot?” He asked bitterly.
Kojiro crossed his arms, looking at him defiantly.
“There was no date. It was a lie. And I knew you’d come here eventually.” Kojiro admitted.
What? He’s been here waiting for him? And why would Kojiro lie to him about the date?
“Why did you lie to me?” Kaoru demanded.
Kojiro scoffed.
“That’s what I should ask you.” Kojiro retorted.
“What?” Kaoru asked anxiously.
“Do you really think I wouldn’t recognize your handwriting? Why didn’t you tell me the truth about the notes?” Kojiro asked, he didn’t seem angry at him, but he was indeed very upset about it.
Kaoru's heart beat faster than ever, making him feel it was about to explode on his chest; his hands shaked and his anxiety worsened once again. He was scared to tell him the truth, but he knew he couldn’t delay the inevitable.
“Because I was scared.” Kaoru admitted, trying very hard to stifle a sob.
Kojiro’s gaze softened slightly.
“Why were you scared?” He asked worriedly, getting one step closer to Kaoru slowly.
Kaoru felt how the tears started to fell down his cheeks once again, but he didn’t care anymore about them.
“I was scared because I didn’t know how you’d react when you knew they were mine.” Kaoru said between sobs. “Why did you say you thought they were from Hana then?” He asked, still feeling a little bit angry about that.
Kojiro sighed, approaching a little bit closer to him once again.
“I said that because I thought you’d tell the truth, but you didn’t.” Kojiro admitted. “Do you want to know what I'd have said if you told me the truth?” He asked.
Kaoru averted his gaze, but nodded slowly.
Kojiro got as close as he could, Kaoru could see Kojiro’s feet in front of him from the corner of his eye. Then, Kojiro lifted his chin gently, making Kaoru lock his gaze with his own. His garnet gaze was full of determination; hope and something that Kaoru wasn’t so sure about, but that made him shiver regardless.
“If you had told me you were behind the notes, I’d have said that I feel the same; I’d have said that I also love your smile, and that I want to laugh with you forever; I’d have said that you’re also the only one I can think about, and that I think you’re the most beautiful boy that I’d laid my eyes on; I’d have said how much I love you, and how long I’ve been wanting to kiss you and ask you out on a date.” Kojiro said, the love and determination of his voice made Kaoru’s knees go weak.
He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Kojiro loved him ; Kojiro felt the same; his feelings were requited. And he couldn’t stop crying, but this time, they were all happy tears.
“You really mean it?” Kaoru asked in a wavering voice, cupping Kojiro’s face with trembling hands.
Kojiro smiled softly, nuzzling his nose with Kaoru’s.
“Of course I meant it, you idiot.” Kojiro said, making him laugh in relief.
“Then… Can I kiss you?” Kaoru asked, uncertain.
Kojiro’s answer was to seal their lips together in a desperate but sweet kiss. They melted together, like they were made for each other. And maybe, they really were.
When they broke apart, they both were breathless, but they also shared a dopey grin.
“I didn’t get to tell you before, but I love you too, you know?” Kaoru said against Kojiro’s lips.
Kojiro smiled widely.
“You do? Well, I think maybe I started to get a hint after like, the third note. But I love to hear it anyway.” He answered in a whisper.
“Then I’ll have to remind you how much I love you ‘till my last breath.” Kaoru said seriously.
Kojiro chuckled.
“You’re so dramatic, but I also love that about you. I love everything about you.” Kojiro said, making him blush.
“There was a last note I wanted to give you if I would have been braver and confessed yesterday, but I don’t have it with me.” Kaoru lamented.
“What does that one said?” Kojiro asked with a soft smile.
Kaoru blushed deep red, but he now knew his feelings were requited, so he didn’t have anything else to fear anymore. He took a deep breath, and finally answered.
“Would you want to be my boyfriend?” Kaoru asked, reciting what he had written on that last note.
Kojiro beamed, kissing him deeply once again.
“Of course I want to be your boyfriend.” Kojiro answered when they broke apart, now was his turn to shed some happy tears.
Kaoru smiled widely, feeling completely relieved and more happy than ever. He hugged Kojiro tightly, and Kojiro hugged him back, the both of them cried and cried of pure happiness once again, unable to stop smiling.
“Then I have something to ask you.” Kojiro said softly.
“What is it?” Kaoru asked curiously.
“Would you want to go out with me on a date?” Kojiro asked, grinning as brightly as the sun.
Yeah, Kaoru thought that he really could spend that day crying, but at least it would be for a happy reason.
“I’d love to.” Kaoru finally answered with a big smile.
They both got on their skateboards, not knowing where to go yet, but at least knowing they headed to the first of lots of dates to come.