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Kest woke up with a cry on his lips.
Tal.
It had been almost a week already and still Kest had not let his brother’s fate truly sink in. His sweet baby brother, who had been so scared when Kest had to leave him in the cell. Who had cried at his departure as if he were sentencing him to death. Tal had suffered unimaginable horrors in that month, Kest knows, and he can’t help but wonder if maybe he would still be alive if Kest had stayed. If he had been a better brother.
If Kest had been just a little quicker-
If they had found Tal sooner-
Oh god-
He was going to be sick again.
Kest rolled over in his bed, a small groan when the movement irritated his wound. He wished, selfishly, for a moment that the arrow had actually killed him. Maybe he could see Tal in the afterlife, and apologize to him. Apologize for leaving him, for not getting him away from those wretched pirates sooner, for not being able to even find his body in the water. They were going to bury an empty casket.
What a horrible excuse for an older brother.
Kest was supposed to be Tal’s favorite; they always had a special bond, being the only two magic users in the family. It was different, of course, Kest had nowhere near the same level of hardships he had to endure daily as Tal did, but it was close enough.
His wonderful baby brother Tal, who wore his heart on his sleeve and helped around as much as he could. Who studied the few remaining magic tomes as if they were sacred, who vowed daily to be nothing like their grandfather. Tal, who had been locked up in the palace for years, who had finally been given a taste of the freedom Kest knew he longed for.
All of it, crushed in an instant. The rug pulled right out under him.
And Kest didn’t even know until it was too late, until Tal had already been taken, informed by a shaking Garrett and a near murderous Shay. He wasn’t even there to protect his baby brother.
Useless, he thought to himself, rolling over in bed again.
The movement hurt, but it was what he deserved. Nothing could even compare to the pain in his chest as he thought about Tal again and again, desperately clutching his ring in his hand. It was all he had left of his baby brother now, just a stupid fucking ring.
Useless.
Pathetic.
He wished he were dead.
His depressive spiral was cut short for once not by one of his siblings or Shay checking in, but rather by the incessant ringing of the alarm bell.
It meant he, as a prince, should have gotten up and headed to the throne room, but he didn’t care. He was under strict orders not to move around too much yet, and even if he wasn’t, Kest would’ve welcomed a disaster at this point. Maybe it was another hurricane coming to sweep their kingdom off the map, the sea punishing them for failing his brother. Maybe Tal’s body would wash up on shore one day, decomposing and rotting. Maybe it was already at the bottom of the sea, being consumed by uncaring sea creatures. Kest wished, stupidly, that he could’ve transformed into some form of aquatic animal, instead of a bird. Maybe he would’ve been able to find Tal before he drowned, or at the very least, his body.
Kest winced as the bell kept fucking tolling still. Surely everyone had heard it by now? If they really wanted him there, the guards outside his room would’ve gotten him. He buried his head into his pillows, groaning softly. This fucked sucked. His brother was fucking dead, he got shot by an arrow, and now this goddamn alarm bell wouldn’t shut up.
Maybe this was just Kest’s life now. Maybe it was karma, for failing his brother. For failing all his family. They had trusted him and Garrett to save Tal, Isa had hugged him fiercely before commanding them they bring him back. Corrie was crying, just as inconsolable as she had been the entire month without Tal. His mother had looked at them gravely and nodded and he had foolishly thought they could bring Tal home. That they could save them.
Useless.
It wasn’t Garrett’s fault, of course, no never Garrett. Garrett, Kest knew, was also beside himself with grief, his rage and irritability had been at an all-time high the entire month, but it had only worsened after their failure. Garrett blamed himself, just as Kest did, but he was innocent. It was a situation out of his control, and he had been on the ship, waiting for Kest to confirm Tal’s location. Kest had had no such limitations, he was the failure, never Garrett.
Kest could count on one hand the number of times he’d seen Garrett truly and genuinely cry, weep, for longer than a minute.
Their father’s death, Tal and Corrie’s births, coming home early from Tal’s tour to inform them of what had happened, and desperately dragging Kest’s flailing body out from the ocean so they both didn’t follow their brother to their deaths.
Kest had failed not only his baby brother, but his older one too.
Pathetic.
The sudden absence of noise made Kest aware of his surroundings once again, and he realized that someone had finally turned the god-forsaken bell off. Finally. Whatever had happened either wasn’t pressing enough to disturb Kest right now, and he would learn in the morning, or it had been so pressing they couldn’t even spare a thought for Kest.
He didn’t know which one was better.
Maybe his family could heal if they didn’t have to see Kest every day as a painful reminder of who had failed Tal.
But before Kest could go down that path of thinking again for the night, suddenly his door was being swung open.
He grimaced, apparently something had actually happened. He quickly pretended to be asleep, not really wanting to hear any of his siblings or his mother chide him for not resting enough.
“What?” he said, feigning grogginess. “Who’s there? Garrett? If this is a prank, I swear on my feathers–”
“Kest,” said a voice he never in a million years thought he’d hear again. He furrowed his brow, maybe he was actually sleeping?
“…Tally?”
“Yes,” said Tally, said his wonderful baby brother who was alive.
Kest let out a gasp, immediately shooting up in the bed and also immediately regretting it when his wound contested.
“Hey, be careful! Don’t hurt yourself,” chided Tally, his hands waving anxiously around Kest as if to catch him.
Kest wanted to cry. “Tally,” he said again, and the breath he let out alongside it was one of wonder – and tentative hope. “Am I dead? Or is this a dream?”
He saw Tal smile softly and hopelessly fond as he came closer to Kest. “Neither.”
It was impossible, yet there was nothing more he wanted to do than believe. Kest reached out his shaking hands to cup Tal’s face, impossibly gentle, as if he were a mirage that would fade away when disturbed. The image didn’t cease, however, and Kest let himself think the impossible.
“How?” His voice shook. “I watched you die.”
His brother leaned into his hand and looked as near tears as Kest probably did. “I didn’t, I promise you.”
“You fell,” he insisted, “I saw you. How are you here?”
“There’s a boy who helped me. The one from the derelict. He’s also the boy from the market.”
“You didn’t tell me that!” came Garrett’s sudden voice, and in Kest’s laser focus on Tally, he had somehow missed his other brother’s presence. Garrett looked happier than Kest had seen him in a month, smiling stupidly at Tal and Kest.
“I haven’t had the time,” Tally said, rolling his eyes fondly.
And.
The domestic-ness of it all was what finally broke him. His brothers, both of them, together in his room teasing each other lightly, a scene that had been missing for a month. Both alive and safe, with him alive and safe, and Kest wondered how he could have ever wished to be anywhere but here.
He hadn’t even noticed he had started crying until Garrett startled, rushing to his side.
“Kest? Is everything okay? It’s not your wound is it?”
And Garrett gently wiped away his tears, and Tally held his hand so gently and Kest allowed himself to cry. To be grateful, to breathe.
He held both of his brothers in a surprise hug, not even caring about the jostling of his wound, letting out soft gasps into their hair.
“I am never letting any of you out of my sight again,” he whispered, tightening his grip on them.
Garrett and Tally both hugged back, and he could feel dampness on both his shoulders.
And maybe he was still recovering from an assassination attempt, and maybe he still needed to learn what exactly the alarm bell had been for, why it had taken them so long to bring Tally to him, but-
All that could wait.
All he wanted now was the comfort of his brothers, and that was enough.