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“You did what?”
Skywarp leaned against the side of the building, as nonchalant as one could be while also sporting an unnatural reconfiguration of one’s most distinct frame parts. “Eh. Joined an experimental test thing? Something about ‘exploring the limits of transformation cog programming!’” And when Rodimus continued to stare at him, “...it had a really good participation fee, alright?!”
Rodimus looked at the strange angles of Skywarp’s wings, the way his cockpit seemed to judder slightly, and the uncharacteristic thick shine to black and purple plating. “What’s with the polish?”
Skywarp winced, but hid it artfully enough with a grimace-grin. “Waterproof wax. It doesn’t look that bad, huh? Gets into all my seams real good. Real tight.”
The urge to freak out (just a little) had never warred so hard with the impulse to hysterical-snort. Rodimus settled for biting his lip and stepping closer. He reached out and ran one finger through the substantial layer of gunk on his lover’s arm. “So. You’re a boat now.”
Skywarp’s armor ruffled defensively from helm to pede. “Not forever! It was for this cycle or two. I can’t remember if they said I’d go back to normal once the new code finishes running its thing or if I might need to head back for a program removal, but- it’s not permanent or anything. I definitely asked them that. Five times.”
Rodimus shook off the wax from his finger. It smelled weird. “Can you still teleport?”
Skywarp brightened; his wings finally twitched up. “I haven’t tried it. Wanna hit that oil reservoir over at the junkyard? We can take this alt mode out for a spin! And then I can give you your present.”
Rodimus stopped and stared at him. “Did you do this because you wanted money to get me a present?”
Skywarp shrugged restlessly. “No. Yes. Whatever! It doesn’t matter. It’s temporary. Can we go now?” He stuck a hand out, beckoning.
Rodimus glanced at the offensive layer of wax and tried not to make a face. He didn’t really want to touch it.
“Sure,” he sighed, resigned.
***
Apparently, one of the unexpected effects of teleportation on Skywarp’s temporarily-revised coding was an instant reversion to his new alt mode. Rodimus stared up at the cloudy sky, his vents knocked entirely out of him, and grunted as the heavy, bizarrely-shaped ‘boat’ rocked apologetically off his chest.
<< Sorry. >>
Rodimus heaved himself into a sitting position with an effort. Skywarp had managed to teleport them right to the edge of the reservoir. But rather than transforming back to cover those last few paces, he was rocking himself determinedly towards the oil.
“Rodimus?”
Skywarp stopped dead with the front half of his alt tilting precariously into the reservoir, and Rodimus whirled around to see, of all mechs, Tailgate and Cyclonus.
“Heeeyyyy…” he called back, caught out just as Skywarp lost the battle with gravity and splashed into the oil with a frantic comm: << Don’t tell them it’s me! >>
Tailgate bounced up to his former captain, beaming. Cyclonus followed at a more sedate pace. “What are you doing here?!” The gleam in the little blue visor slid to Skywarp, bobbing innocuously behind. “Wow! Is that your new boat? It’s so- avant garde!”
“Um,” Rodimus said.
Skywarp didn’t make a very proper-looking boat. Instead of a smooth uninterrupted join of paneling for the hull, the body of the craft consisted of sharp angles and peculiar juts- ah, that was definitely part of a wing right there. At the back where the propellers of a boat would usually be, Skywarp’s thrusters sat at a funny slant, half-submerged. They gave a small sputter as Rodimus glanced at them sidelong. He realized Tailgate was still waiting expectantly for an answer.
“Yeess. My new boat. Yes! It looks cool, huh?”
<< Why don’t you want them to know? >> he fired at Skywarp. << You’re not going to pretend to be non-sentient, are you? >>
<< I’m a flier! >> Skywarp shot back, his glyphs full of righteous indignation. It wasn’t as impactful when he was slowly spinning around, carried along by the eddies he’d created himself. << No one else gets to see me not being a flier! If it gets out, everyone will know. The last thing I need is Astrotrain hearing about this and making stupid jokes about me wanting to be a triple changer, alright?! >>
“Very cool!” Tailgate agreed enthusiastically. A few hundred years had done nothing to dampen the minibot’s energy. “Can we- oh, could we possibly- would you let us try it out? It’s been forever since we’ve been on a boat! We’ve been off-world, you know, guess you might’ve heard from some of the others! Just hopping around all these insane planets and seeing, well, everything! Pretty sure I’ve worn a hole in Cyclonus’ cockpit by now- ”
Rodimus tuned Tailgate out as he tried to flush down the sudden petty feeling of envy. He didn’t have a lover with a space-worthy alt, although the opportunity to get back onto a ship for a bit was on the horizon. Belatedly, he noticed Cyclonus coming up to him, reaching out with a tentative hand in greeting.
Ah. There was a bit of warmth there. Rodimus grabbed the hand, held it to his shoulder, and smiled back.
<< Rodimuuuuuusss! >> Skywarp screeched, and Rodimus turned just in time to see Tailgate flash a thumbs up at some agreement he must have given when he wasn’t paying attention. The minibot hopped intrepidly down onto what passed for a deck.
The boat teetered immediately, almost capsizing as Skywarp garbled panickedly over comms and tried to activate unfamiliar programs for stabilizers and buoyancy. Before Rodimus could try to calm his lover down, Cyclonus phase-shifted past him (alright, that was an exaggeration but how did a fragging ancient jet move so fast?), landing nimbly on the deck to clasp Tailgate by the arm and steady him.
“...your new craft is quite lacking,” Cyclonus analyzed bluntly after a moment.
The expletive-laden outrage from Skywarp that no one else could hear was abruptly, horribly amusing. Rodimus nearly clapped his hands in glee. << Ooh, insult. Still want to pretend you’re non-sentient? There isn’t really a good reason they can’t have a turn around the reservoir in that case, you know? >>
“Yea, it’s…sorta unfinished,” he responded glibly, and then had to bite his lip to refrain from laughing as Skywarp’s barrage petered off into a scandalized silence. It didn’t last for more than a few nanokliks.
<< They’re already on me, Roddy. I’ll gutter them before I let them know it’s me. >>
Rodimus didn’t manage to stifle the grin this time. << Right. Murder and mayhem are no longer in the cards for us, sweetspark. A turn around the reservoir it is! >>
“Go on,” he gestured carelessly, flopping into a relaxed lounge on the ground. “Take it for a spin! Romance is a boat ride!”
Skywarp listed to the side, as though his optical input had shifted to the bottom of his alt and he was trying to glare through it. << …if they kiss, or do anything more than that, I swear I’ll dump them. I’ll dump them right away. They will drown and die. >>
It looked like Skywarp’s flight stick had been adapted into a single control for direction and speed. Cyclonus took hold of it firmly, and Rodimus’ thoughts skydived into filth. He watched idly as the boat began to chart a slow and wobbly path before he started browsing through some of his recent visual archives. He paused over a particularly lewd moment, and then debated for all of half a klik before sending it as a screencap.
Even from the increasing distance, he saw the moment Skywarp began to judder.
<< Roddy. >> Skywarp sounded distracted. Rodimus rolled himself over onto his front and dangled his legs in the air behind him, taunting and delighted. << What? >>
<< …I don’t know where my spike is in this new alt. >>
The vision of Skywarp’s very nice spike poking up somewhere unexpected - oh Primus, please, not on the seat where Tailgate was currently perched on as he babbled something - and Cyclonus taking offense - which he would do, quite likely with his Great Sword - was sobering. << Okay. That’s…probably dangerous. No more sexy images for you while you’ve got my former crew on board, yea? >>
Even over a glyph, Skywarp’s snort was taunting back, and amused. << Oh, now you care, huh? >>
“I think your boat’s quite nice after all!” Tailgate called from afar, and Rodimus waved and chuckled. << Aw. See? You’re giving them a nice ride. >>
<< Oh yea, wait till I give you a nice ride. Aft. >>
Rodimus smirked. It was really too easy, and he couldn’t help himself. << Not my first choice, but I’ll consider it. >>
He watched as the boat juddered again, before visibly picking up speed in direct counterpoint to the pinched look of consternation on Cyclonus’ faceplates.
***
By the time he waved Cyclonus and Tailgate off, it was later than Rodimus had thought. He’d been persuaded to switch places with Cyclonus and take a turn (or several) because Tailgate was convinced that Rodimus would be a better skipper - alas, not true, because when Rodimus had wrapped his hands snugly around the flight stick, it’d begun to vibrate.
A few laps around the reservoir had become rather charge-inducing, heat gathering in certain areas of his frame.
<< Are they gone now? Are they gone finally? I’d like to have you alone sometime this cycle, >> Skywarp sent snarkily.
Rodimus threw his hands up. “You’re the one who insisted on pretending to be non-sentient!” he hissed, but he sounded more entertained than frustrated even to his own audials. He stepped gingerly back onto the deck, running his fingers gently along the wing-tip that he could see.
Skywarp’s thrusters sputtered. It sounded exactly like how Rodimus imagined a drowning mech would sound. << Well. Come on then. >>
He didn’t even have to touch the flight stick this time. They glided through the oil at a surprisingly restrained pace, and around the halfway point, Skywarp slowed.
Without warning, a compartment popped open from one side of the uneven deck, nearly startling Rodimus into falling over.
<< Tadah! >> Skywarp announced. << Congratulations! For being accepted into that what’s-it space exploration mission! >>
Rodimus paused. “How’d you know about that?”
A boat couldn’t squirm, but the fluctuations of Skywarp’s powerful field were rather telling as always. << Uh. The list is made public at the dock offices, right? I happened to be in the area- I thought I’d just stop by and, y’know, take a peep. Since you were kinda upset the last time you were rejected, ‘cept then I saw the good news! Are you going to look at your present anytime? >>
Rodimus huffed, and finally moved to unearth the objects from the compartment.
Four brand new tires, rugged and thick with deep treads in a flame design. The rims were a stylish, almost-gaudy yellow-gold. The bolts were in the custom shape of Rodimus Stars.
<< You like them? >> Skywarp asked, the deck nearly quivering with satisfaction. << They’re good for both organic and metallic terrain! Perfect for that exploration business, huh? >>
Rodimus gripped the tires. He looked at the odd (and honestly, somewhat painful) way that Skywarp’s alt had been temporarily reformatted.
“These are fantastic,” he said honestly. Skywarp’s field flared with fondness and delight and the faintest traces of something darker and longing. “Thank you.” He hefted them up, then carefully subspaced them one by one.
They sat together in silence for a long moment, bobbing there in the oil.
Then Skywarp sent, a little too cheerfully, << Off we go again! >>
But before they could advance a yard, there was a dull thump against the bottom of the boat. And then Skywarp shuddered mightily, almost throwing Rodimus off. << There’s something down there! It’s biting me! >>
Rodimus wondered briefly if he could weld his pedes to the deck without serious injury to his lover - the vicious rock of the boat had sent his fuel tank roiling. “Pretty sure all the scraplets were cleared outta here. Could be a Sharkticon or something?”
<< Sharkticon?! >> Skywarp’s glyphs were increasing rapidly in size on Rodimus’ HUD. << A low-level Sharkticon dares to try and take a piece of me?! >> There was a click from the side of the boat…and then a very recognizable weapon transformed out.
“Hang on- ” Rodimus didn’t know if null-rays would even work through oil, but Skywarp had already fired - except neither of them had been prepared for the recoil in this new untested alt mode. Rodimus had a nanoklik to think “Frag” before he was sent flying over the side and into the viscous liquid.
Just before it closed over his helm, he heard the sounds of transformation, and then a yelp.
Yep. That would have been the absolute worst time for Skywarp to turn back into root mode.
***
“You are a very lousy boat,” Riptide announced.
Skywarp’s wings rose aggressively, but to his credit, he didn’t disagree beyond a sullen scowl. Rodimus himself was feeling much more inclined to pardon anything that Riptide - savior of their lives - said at the moment. “Thanks for fishing us out, ‘Tide. Great timing.”
Riptide frowned at them. “You didn’t see me? I’ve been in the reservoir since you got here. I’ve been cleaning out the drainage sumps!”
Oh. That was slightly more embarrassing than expected. “You were down there all this time just- watching us?!” Skywarp demanded.
Riptide stared at the Seeker distrustfully - the Hydrobot still retained a default wariness for anything visibly Decepticon, which, well…wasn’t hard to understand, despite the vorns that had passed since the war. They’d fought against each other for much longer than that, after all. “It’s kind of hard to hear anything through the oil, you know. Were you saying something bad?”
Rodimus slid himself smoothly between them before his lover could raise a threatening fist. “No, no, ‘Tide. We were just, ah, having a moment after the others left, you know. Romantically. We didn’t think anyone else was around. But. I sure am glad you were!”
The Hydrobot blinked, then grinned at his former captain, all traces of suspicion dissolving. “I’m happy I could save you! Maybe don’t fall in next time, okay? Especially if you’re not a real boat.”
Skywarp tensed again. Rodimus reached behind to pat his lover reassuringly, even as he fought not to snicker. Their fingers tangled together, and held.
“I’m going to go now,” Riptide declared. “Swerve is having movie trivia night. You guys gonna be there?”
Slag. Hanging out with any of his old crew was still a matter of the mood of the moment. Tailgate and Cyclonus’ serendipitous return had already used up quite a bit of the social meter that Rodimus kept for interactions like that. But…if he was going to go on that space exploration mission…
It wouldn’t be a long one. He’d be back within a few deca-cycles, all told. Still, it couldn’t hurt to make sure Skywarp got more used to a place to go, with mechs Rodimus could (mostly) vouch for.
Skywarp had at some point in their relationship apparently mastered the art of reading the little sweeps and tilts of his spoiler. “Yea. Why not,” the Seeker said gruffly before Rodimus could comm him privately and ask if he felt up for it. “We can drop by. But if you say one word about this- ”
Riptide stared back, confused. “About you being a boat? Or about you being a lousy boat?”
Skywarp groaned loudly and grabbed Rodimus’ hand. His other hand settled on Riptide’s arm with a heavy thump. “Forget it! Let’s just go.”
“Uh- ” Rodimus managed, but the reminder was lost before they warped.
***
The noise of the bar faded to silence as every single patron turned to stare at them. Someone dropped a mug.
“Primus,” Riptide choked from where he’d landed beneath both Skywarp-as-a-boat and Rodimus sprawled on top. “You’re heavy.”