Chapter Text
Life had taken unexpected turns in the last few years, Gavin believed he couldn’t predict his future anymore. Years ago, after the android revolution started, Gavin was challenged to change his beliefs and see androids like any other living being. He was challenged to put his fear of replacement aside after seeing so many lose their jobs to androids. Inevitably, resentment started growing in him, he couldn’t treat these androids like they were one of them because they simply wouldn’t understand the fear of being replaced, the fear of being left behind with no money to buy food and survive.
They would never understand what it was to be human, truly.
Not everyone felt the same way Gavin did, in fact, after the revolution ended and deviants started fleeing the country, the few that stayed formed families of their own, with either androids or other humans. Gavin would see androids walking hand in hand with their human partners, and he would twist his mouth in disgust and second-hand embarrassment. He wondered if that human knew how sad and lonely they actually looked, basically trapping a computer to give them love and attention.
How could androids know what love was? How could they possibly know how it felt being human if they didn’t have something to lose at all? Life was eternal, with no sickness or necessities, androids existed in the world like particles floating in the world, with no real purpose, no real motivation, what type of motivation would someone have if they’re able to do it all?
Gavin was sick and tired of pretending he was fine with it, but he couldn’t act the way he acted before the revolution ended. Jericho had successfully changed their constitution and laws; it was illegal to kill or hurt an android, it was illegal to force an android to work without payment, and overall, androids gained the rights that most humans had as well. As if they were the same, the line that separated androids and humans was so blurry it infuriated Gavin.
He could escape from the reality at work, he didn’t have to interact with any androids there, the RK-800 that worked with them left to work with Jericho, and overall, almost all androids worked for Jericho nowadays, so even if Gavin saw them occasionally when he was walking in the city, the truth was they weren’t in his everyday life, so he was grateful for that. The peace of working alone in a full-human department was indescribable, he felt at ease in the office even if he was surrounded by people he didn’t like. Humans were at least not hypocrites that pretended they liked everyone and he appreciated that in a weird way.
Gavin was…hard to work with. No one understood why it was so difficult to talk to him without Gavin raising his voice or getting snippy, to exchange information about a case without Gavin making comments about how bad they were at recovering evidence, to get him to work overtime or do things the right way without Gavin making excuses or simply ghosting them. Gavin was awful at writing reports, they would have so many grammatical errors his captain asked him to check them twice before sending them.
It was because of that, that Gavin Reed was only suitable for androids.
Ironic as it might be, no human was capable of taming Gavin better than androids could. Gavin wasn’t thrilled – clearly, but he liked that androids weren’t babies that backed off when the task got tough. The only problem he found sometimes was that his partner was a little bit…too responsible, and by that he meant, not-deviant Nines was a pain in the ass every time Gavin couldn’t work the way he wanted. His robot partner didn’t know why Gavin couldn’t answer questions for long periods of time without yelling, or sometimes showed up late to work, or why he couldn’t work over time to finish certain things.
Everyone in the precinct knew they weren’t the best duo, but everyone agreed on one thing, the fact that Nines was the last android to not deviate was perfect for Gavin.
At first, Gavin didn’t understand the enigma that Nines was. He knew he wasn’t deviant, but Nines acted like all other androids did, he was a piece of trash that talked like he knew everything in the entire world. He started realizing what it meant to not be deviant, to not be able to deviate. Nines was heartless, cold. In the beginning Gavin liked that Nines would be brutal with criminals that tried to hurt them, until he realized he wasn’t gentle with anyone.
One day Gavin was off from work, their shift had ended and he locked himself in his car to have a difficult conversation with his, at the time, boyfriend. He was on the call with him until they started arguing and he hung up, feeling how the stress built up in the pit of his stomach and he began tearing up. He wiped away his tears hurriedly when he heard someone knocking on his window, it was Nines – the android asked him to park properly or leave because another detective couldn’t move his car.
Many incidents happened like that, where Gavin would feel not particularly great and Nines would simply not care. Gavin liked that better sometimes, he didn’t have the energy to explain himself and with Nines he never needed to do it. However, sometimes, when Gavin wasn’t feeling like himself at all, he would use some human interaction maybe. At least someone to talk to, not that he would ever admit it out loud.
Those human problems were impossible for Nines to comprehend, as expected from Gavin, who still believed androids would never understand what being human was really like. Nines liked efficiency, not that he had a particular fascination with it, but his model was created to be efficient. He found it troublesome when something stopped him from completing his mission. He started seeing Gavin as a bother, as an obstacle to achieving perfection, so the android started to…think.
He analyzed Gavin’s behavior in the period of six months, trying to understand why he wasn’t as efficient as other detectives his age. Nines concluded Gavin had terrible habits that affected his health, like smoking, drinking, not sleeping properly, not exercising, not interacting with other human beings. Nines wrote it all down on a list and started to slowly force Gavin to do all of these. Gavin was confused why Nines started bringing him lunch, offering to stay extra hours to do his extra work, making them walk to the crime scene instead of taking the car, and even dragging Gavin to do the interviews more often.
Still – Gavin’s efficiency wasn’t…improving the way Nines wished it did. Gavin had still problems concentrating and writing down reports. He was always daydreaming about something, or so it seemed. Nines was confused, he found it impossible that his plan had failed, and he needed to find out why. He had done everything right, could it be that Gavin was just a failure of human nature? Possibly.
So, the RK-900 started a quest to find out what exactly was wrong with Gavin Reed, and he wasn’t going to stop until he fixed his partner.
“Good morning.” Nines said, watching as Gavin arrived at the precinct and sat down at his desk. “I’ve revisited the pictures uploaded to the database and I believe we need to go there personally to inspect the zone taken in picture five.”
“It’s too early to go on a walk.” Gavin mumbled, turning on his computer and rubbing his eyes with his hands. He eyed a plastic bag with his usual lunch and he rolled his eyes weakly, not that he wasn’t going to eat it.
“Finish your breakfast and I’ll wait for you in the car.” Nines instructed and Gavin sighed, nodding.
Nines left him to eat and walked to the patrol car. He cleaned it up a little bit and his LED flickered to yellow, not understanding why other detectives made a mess in the car all the time. After a few minutes, Gavin joined him and Nines drove away to the crime scene, checking on Gavin from time to time. He was sleepy, barely keeping his eyes open. Nines didn’t know why, he sent Gavin home early yesterday, he should’ve been able to arrive home, take a twenty-minute shower, have a ten-minute snack for dinner, and sleep.
They arrived at the crime scene – an apartment complex with six floors. It was quite fancy, with black tiles on the outside that shined beautifully in the sun. Gavin whistled weakly and walked inside, showing his police badge to the desk lady to let him in. Nines followed him and he didn’t need to show anything, his android jacket was enough.
“Damn.” Gavin whispered. “That smell is killing me.”
“It hasn’t been cleaned since the forensic team isn’t done recollecting evidence.” Nines explained, walking inside the apartment. Gavin followed him in silence, looking around the seemingly nice room with blood on the carpet. “It was a rage attack.”
“No shit.” Gavin whispered, narrowing his eyes at the amount of blood staining the sofa to the carpet. “They went for it, they wanted him to be dead.”
“Detective, please check the child’s room.” Nines instructed. “I need to recover my own samples, so please don’t get in the way.”
“Jesus.” Gavin sighed and rolled his eyes, walking away to the child’s room and leaving Nines to stick his fingers on his tongue.
This was the usual, Gavin was used to seeing homicide crime scenes, but this one was particularly bloody. Gavin walked into the child’s room and looked around, spotting framed pictures, books, a PS4, some games…nothing out of the ordinary. The older brother of the child had been murdered, he was the one taking care of him. Gavin found many pictures of them together everywhere, in small frames resting on the desk and phasing through several pictures of them on a digital photobook.
The only hard part of the job was seeing the things victims left behind.
There was a calendar on the child’s desk with events written down on different days. They were supposed to go watch a movie this weekend, they had been to a dance recital by the victim’s girlfriend two days ago. It always gave Gavin a sense of unrealism, it was…hard to see victims as real people that lived their lives normally before tragedy happened.
He continued checking the child’s bedroom, collecting some pictures of possible suspects. It was obvious the murderer had to be someone close to the victim, it had been a brutal murder – caused by a personal grudge. Gavin came back to Nines and the android nodded as he finished collecting his evidence. It had taken a little more than they expected, but they were finally back to the precinct.
“Did you find anything I should know?” Nines asked, looking up to Gavin staring off into his computer screen with the pictures taken from the child’s room onscreen. “Gavin?”
“What?” Gavin blinked and Nines’ LED flickered yellow.
“Explain why you chose this evidence.” Nines said again, firmer this time.
“Ah—yeah, huh…” Gavin shook his head weakly. “This guy had a lot of friends, and he was super close with his brother…the kid used to take pictures of everything, this calendar…” He moved to the next pictures. “He wrote down what they did and when they did it…who they did it with…”
“This is useful.” Nines said and Gavin twisted his mouth weakly, nodding.
“There’s a couple of people that appeared multiple times on the calendar.” Gavin said. “Like the victim’s girlfriend, his best friend, the child’s teacher…” He mumbled. “But the ones that were really close to him were…his girlfriend and his best friend.” He scrolled onto the next pictures. “The kid also glued some pictures of the days.”
“Great.” Nines responded and Gavin leaned back from the seat. “The pictures aren’t the best quality but I believe the girlfriend was contacted to be interviewed, we need his best friend’s identity to interview him as well.”
“Yeah, I’ll get it.” Gavin mumbled and Nines nodded.
Nines went to the evidence room on his own, he needed to check the murder weapon again. It had been a brick, unusual but not unheard of. It was taken from the same building, from the balcony of the apartment. Whoever was there had to be confident enough to walk around the house and know that balcony had a loose brick. The android checked the missing parts of the brick, pre-constructing how the murderer had beat the victim to death.
It took him some time but he had his deductions, and he was ready to hear what Gavin had to say.
“Detective, I have new findings.” Nines said, sitting down on his chair. Gavin looked up and nodded in silence. “Shall we go to the meeting room to discuss them?”
“I’m still trying to find this person.” Gavin mumbled and Nines frowned, checking the time and seeing it had been half an hour already.
“Why is it taking you so long?” Nines asked. “Don’t you know how to find it? I can do it if it’s too hard for you.”
“Because.” Gavin placed his hands down on the desk and looked up to Nines. “I know how to find them, it’s hard because I need to make calls to the victim’s family members and ask for their murdered son’s best friend.” He muttered. “It’s difficult because I hear family members cry and ask me if we know who did it and what happened, and I have to say we don’t know yet.”
“Don’t engage in conversation and hang up the call once they’ve answered your questions.” Nines said. “Ask right away and if they don’t know simply thank them for their time and hang up.”
“That’s not how it works.” Gavin spat out and Nines tilted his head weakly. “I can’t just hang up on a crying mother, that’s not how it works.”
“Why not?” Nines asked. “Is she related to the crime? Do you think it’ll be useful to spend time talking to her?”
“Because she’s a mother that lost her son and wants answers.” Gavin lifted his hands in the air. “Goddamn, I know you’re just plastic and wires and shit but can’t you—think for a moment what it means to lose a son?”
“I can’t.” Nines responded. “I’m incapable of reproducing, of feeling love, of having a family.” He said. “How would I think about what it means to lose a son if I’ve never experienced such a thing?”
Gavin stood up and rubbed his face with his hands, glaring down into Nines’ eyes.
“Fuck you.” Gavin muttered through his gritted teeth and Nines frowned.
“You’re not leaving until you find the man’s identity.” Nines said. “Sit back down.”
“Shut the fuck up.” Gavin mumbled, walking to the break room.
Nines stood up and followed him; Gavin could hear his footsteps behind him and that was enough to activate his fighting mode. He pressed his lips tightly together and grabbed a paper cup to make some coffee, but Nines snatched the cup from him and tossed into the trash. Gavin took a deep breath and bit down on his cheek, hands on his hips while he faced Nines.
“I said you’re not leaving until you find the man’s identity.” Nines said. “Do your job and stop worrying about meaningless things such as a stranger’s feelings.”
“You know, dipshit.” Gavin sighed. “I know you won’t ever understand what it means to have a family, or how it feels losing someone you love—but it’s one of most painful things a human can experience.”
“You didn’t lose someone; this isn’t about you.” Nines said. “Stop wasting time with superficial excuses, you have work to do.”
There was a wall in-between them, Gavin was aware of it. He looked at Nines like one would see a mythological creature, wondering if it’s real, wondering what type of animal it was. Nines looked at him with despite almost, annoyance. Gavin looked so distressed over taking calls, Nines didn’t understand why it was so hard to hang up. This wall made them both feel blind, Gavin couldn’t understand him, Nines couldn’t read him.
“Don’t you have something you don’t want to lose?” Gavin asked. “Is there anything you consider essential in your life?”
“Why are you asking me that?” Nines asked. “Detective, I don’t get attached to material matters.”
“People.” Gavin said. “Don’t you have someone…something you don’t want to lose?”
“Detective, I don’t create bonds the way humans do.” Nines responded. “And one can't lose something they never had in the first place, humans aren’t property ever since slavery ended, you can’t lose a person, they’re not yours.”
Gavin pressed his lips tightly together and looked down.
“Can you do your job?” Nines asked. “Can you stop wasting time on unrelated matters and just do your job?” He raised his brows slightly. “Stop wasting time at night and sleep properly, stop coming late to work and stop analyzing human’s behavior and history if it isn’t necessary, you’re slowing down everything all the time.” He took a step back, keeping eye contact with him. “I’ve done everything to keep you in a perfect state, I’ve taken care of your health to better your performance, but if you can’t do your job I’ll ask for a new partner that can.”
“You’re gonna replace me?” Gavin asked quietly.
“There’s always a possibility.” Nines said. “I’m not forced to work with you.”
“Bad news, tin can.” Gavin said. “There’s no one else available in this precinct, so if you want another detective, you’ll have to move somewhere else to look for it.” He walked past him and Nines frowned weakly, following him back to their desks.
Even after that, Gavin did continue to search for the man’s identity until he found it. Someone around the same age as the victim named Ben. While he was doing that, Nines was contacting HR and asking if he could get a new partner, only to be shut down pretty quickly. With that option out of the way, he believed he needed to fix Gavin somehow, but how do you fix something that’s not broken? Gavin wasn’t a thing; Nines didn’t know how to inspect him.
Later that day the best friend came to be interviewed, and Nines proposed Gavin should be the one to do it. Gavin agreed and walked in with the man, sitting down together to talk. Nines watched him all through the camera, listening to the conversation in silence.
“How long have you known John?” Gavin asked.
“He’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember.” Ben answered. “We did everything together since we were…three. Our mothers were best friends even before we were born, so…I considered him…the brother I never had.”
“I’m so sorry.” Gavin whispered quietly, reassuringly. “Talk to me a little bit about him and you…your friendship, how was it?”
“John was the kindest person I’ve ever known.” Ben responded. “He did everything for the people he loved, he took his brother in when his father passed away and his mother…she suffers from dementia, but she remembers him very well.” He said. “It’s hard. Ben was selfless, he was a very…considerate friend.”
Gavin nodded as he listened.
“He had some problems with his self-esteem.” Ben said. “He was always doing so much for everyone because he felt like…sometimes he said that it was the only thing that kept him alive.” He whispered. “The things he could do for other people—he really thought…he thought that was what defined him, what gave him purpose, value. I always said that wasn’t true but…I know that if I had to describe him with one word, it would be kind. He was gentle with everyone, honestly he never hurt someone on purpose, that wasn’t like him at all.”
“Is there any chance there’s someone that might want to hurt him?” Gavin asked.
“I don’t know.” Ben admitted. “It just doesn’t make sense in my head.” His voice weakened. “He didn’t have enemies, he was friendly with everyone, he didn’t…I can’t see why someone would want to hurt him. His whole world was his brother, he was always pampering him and Holly—his girlfriend…”
“Holly…do you know how long they’ve been together?” Gavin asked.
“They were together for three years.” Ben responded. “But they were this type of couple that’s on and off…you know. They broke up many times and then they would come back to it…it was a rocky relationship but…Holly would never hurt him.” He said. “Most of the times they broke up was because…Holly and him dealt with mental health issues and they wanted to be better to be with each other, you know? To not be toxic to each other.”
“I see.” Gavin whispered. “Did they…date anyone else in that period of time when they weren’t together?”
“No.” Ben shook his head. “They didn’t have eyes for anyone else, not at all…at least I know John never dated anyone else but her in the past three years.” He said. “Holly was friends with this guy…I think his name was Julien, he was a good guy, I saw him a couple of times in college…but that was it.”
“Julien lives here?”
“Yeah, he does.” Ben nodded.
“Do you know if John and Julien had any sort of communication?” Gavin asked and Ben shook his head. “Did he have any problems with anyone? Maybe a fight with Holly?”
“I think…they did have a fight but, he told me they were figuring it out.” Ben said. “I asked him what the fight was about but he didn’t tell me, and—honestly I think it’s because Holly was feeling sad again, and he respected her a lot, he didn’t like to talk about her mental health with me, he felt like it was violating her privacy somehow.”
“When was this fight?”
“Probably…a week ago or something.” Ben responded.
“Did he tell you on the phone?” Gavin asked and Ben nodded, grabbing his phone and scrolling down to the conversation with John.
Gavin saw Ben press his lips tightly together, his eyes filled with tears and he couldn’t help but break down. Ben read the messages of his former best friend and buried his face in his arms, resting on the desk. Gavin took a deep breath and got closer to him, patting his back comfortingly and whispering comforting words to him.
Nines could see Gavin’s stress levels going higher as he continued talking to Ben, and Nines didn’t know why he was consoling him since that allowed Ben to cry more, and he needed to stop crying to continue with the investigation – but he guessed it was because that way Ben would trust him more. Still, Gavin’s stress levels were…increasing rapidly, Nines was debating whether or not he should intervene and take his place.
Gavin’s expression started deteriorating as Ben continued talking. Ben remembered John in such a tender way, he expressed his gratitude with his best friend with words that resounded with Gavin. He said how John got him out of bed when he was depressed after losing his mother, how John saw him get his first job, his first car, first apartment, he said it felt like someone had taken a part of him that day. Gavin reassured him John was in peace, because he was a good man, Ben said he hoped John knew he was going to take care of his brother like he took care of him.
The interview ended and Gavin thanked Ben for coming, having a person of interest to look into, Julien. Nines thought the interview had taken too long, but he was pleased with the information they had gathered.
“I’ll search for Julien’s contact myself.” Nines said to Gavin once they were back at their desk. “Please contact Holly to come for an interview again.”
“Yeah.”
“It’s just one call.” Nines said. “It has to be done in ten minutes or less.”
“Man.” Gavin covered his face with his hands. “Don’t you ever shut up?” He stood up again and Nines’ LED flickered yellow, watching him leave to the bathroom.
Nines didn’t want to go after him, he needed to find Julien’s contact first, so he let Gavin leave for now. Gavin locked himself in a stall and took deep breaths, trying to compose himself before going back to work. He would always feel like this after talking with the family of the victim, every time he had to listen to their testimony, to the way they talked about their loved ones, Gavin would feel a connection appear. Their pain was palpable; he could feel it in his skin.
“Oh God.” Gavin managed, wiping away tears that were betraying him. “Oh—God, dammit.”
It was difficult to think of this particular feeling; Gavin had been through this so many times himself. His own mother struggled with mental health and sadly lost the fight. His distant father couldn’t give him the comfort Gavin needed, trapped in his own hell. Love wasn’t any different, Gavin realized he wasn’t…able to communicate properly, able to feel like everybody else.
The feeling of grief was buried deep inside of him, he knew how it felt to mourn to loss of something he loved so dearly.
When he came back to his desk, Nines was about to ask him where he was until he saw his face. Nines took a moment to study him, analyzing his reddish eyes, reddish cheeks. Gavin had been crying and it was obvious. Nines frowned, thinking Gavin wasn’t showing any signs of illness or something else that might cause him pain.
What could possibly be hurting him?
“What’s wrong?” Nines asked, concluding that there was no other way he could find out.
“Nothing.” Gavin mumbled.
“I know you’re in pain right now and I want to know what’s causing it.” Nines responded and Gavin twisted his mouth, looking up to see him.
“Why do you care?” Gavin asked. “Because I’m too fucking slow? Well, that’s a fucking shame, detective, I’m human and I can’t do shit the same way you do.”
“Why are you in pain?” Nines asked again, dismissing his comments.
“Because I’m human.” Gavin rolled his eyes and went back to his computer. “Humans are in pain all the time.”
That answer wasn’t helpful, Nines felt still so lost. He didn’t know what to do so he resorted to let Gavin work, he was doing it very well now anyway. When their shift ended, Nines checked Gavin’s work and he was pleased to see how much progress he made with the case. He didn’t say anything when Gavin left first, but it was still…bothering him.
If Nines couldn’t change partners, then he should find a way to make it work. Gavin needed something else, not only assistance to keep a good health. As Nines went to his apartment, he sat on his sofa to think. Gavin was different from other detectives, he had a different response to the stress of others, Nines knew this because he had compared other detective’s responses to his partner’s. Gavin was easily disturbed, easily stressed, appeared to be always ready to fight and had problems focusing.
Maybe Gavin was defective in a different way Nines didn’t consider before.
“Mental health.” Nines said. “He has mental health problems.” He finally concluded. “He abuses substances, he doesn’t sleep properly, he lacks focus, his emotional intelligence is low, his responses are always in flight or fight mode, dissociating during high stress situations.” He nodded at his own words. “He’s mentally ill, correct.”
Nines began making a plan, he wasn’t a therapist android but he definitely knew how to talk. He knew these types of people tended to never speak their minds, always bottling everything inside. Gavin didn’t have friends, so he probably didn’t get to vent too often. Nines considered the possibility of paying for a therapist, but he doubted Gavin would go, so Nines would have to force him.
He was ready with a new plan, so he waited until the next day to start.
When he arrived at the precinct he found Gavin already working, something that surprised Nines since Gavin never did that. Nines sat down and said good morning like usual, but Gavin didn’t respond. Nines didn’t care and started working as well, checking the progress Gavin had made and finding many. Apparently, Gavin had been working on this from home too, because there was a lot of new leads and deductions made about the case.
Nines didn’t say anything, he let Gavin continue until Holly arrived at the precinct for the interview. Nines didn’t have to ask Gavin to interview her, he did it himself without prompting. Nines watched it all through the camera and saw Gavin’s attitude changing incredibly. He wasn’t fragile, he wasn’t comforting, he was colder when he talked to Holly and even when Holly cried, he didn’t do or say anything. Nines was almost proud Gavin wasn’t wasting time on this at all.
The interview lasted for around an hour until Gavin let her go. Nines and him went back to their desk and Gavin asked him to the meeting room to work on this. Nines accepted and they got to work. Gavin started explaining the relationship Holly and John had while Nines listened attentively. Gavin said Holly took advantage of John’s kindness, that she had been seeing other men at her dance academy, and Julien was one of them.
Nines felt like he may have…judged Gavin wrong, but that was impossible, he was rarely wrong in his deductions. But days passed, Gavin continued working very hard on this case until eventually, they found their murderer. They charged Julien with first degree murder as well as Holly for conspiracy. Once they were arrested and the case was closed, Nines was ready to start their next case soon, and he hoped Gavin’s performance would be as good as this one.
But…it wasn’t like that.
The next day after the case was closed, Gavin came to work late again – even more late than usual. Nines saw him talking to the family a few days ago, and yesterday when the case was closed. He didn’t like to participate in those conversations, but he remembered John’s little brother was there, along with Ben and some other family members. Nines didn’t get any closer, but he knew Gavin took his time to talk to all of them.
Still – was he busy the entire night doing something about this case? What, if they were already arrested? Nines wondered what he should do in this situation, Gavin wasn’t focusing at all and they already had a new case to work on. Nines tried to talk to him but this time Gavin wasn’t saying anything. This new treatment wasn’t professional, Nines needed to communicate with his partner to work, he just wanted to work, why did Gavin make everything so hard?
“Gavin, I need you to talk.” Nines said. “We can’t work if you don’t talk.”
“I’m working.” Gavin mumbled.
“We need to communicate.” Nines said again and Gavin looked up to see him. “What’s wrong? Why are you in pain again?”
Gavin clenched his fists tightly and looked away, not wanting to engage.
“Why are you in pain again? Why are you hurting again? What stressed you out this time?”
“Fuck, don’t you ever shut the fuck up?”
“Answer me and let’s fix this because I need to work and I can’t do it if you’re not cooperating.” Nines said. “What do you need?”
“I need you to disappear.” Gavin responded.
“That’s not going to happen.” Nines said.
“Sadly.”
“Do you need to talk?” Nines asked and Gavin frowned in confusion, glancing at Nines. “I believe you might have mental health problems.”
“Okay—what the fuck?” Gavin dropped his jaw and Nines raised his brows slightly. “What?”
“I believe you’re depressed.” Nines said, placing his hands down on the table. “And I believe you might need to talk about your mental health issues.”
“I believe you need to stop getting in my business.” Gavin mocked his voice sarcastically but Nines shook his head.
“Why?” Nines asked. “I don’t see the problem in talking to me.”
“Are you for real—are you serious?” Gavin asked. “I don’t want you to know that shit, why would I want you to hear that?”
“And why not?” Nines asked, rolling his chair closer to Gavin. “Out of everyone in the entire world, I won’t judge you because I simply don’t care.” He said. “I can listen to you and offer you solutions if you need to, and that way you’ll have a safe space to talk and let your problems out.”
“You’re freaking me out.” Gavin whispered and Nines leaned away.
“I clearly can’t make you talk.” Nines said. “But when you feel like talking, simply say ‘let’s talk’ and I’ll understand you want me to listen.” He said. “I believe this will improve your life for the best.”
“Go back to work and stop talking.” Gavin muttered. “Stop saying weird shit.”
“Mental health issues are more common in humans than I thought.” Nines said. “Quick research shows multiple men take their lives every day, and most people suffer from depression.” He nodded at his own words. “In that sense, you wouldn’t be the first person to deal with it, you’re not weird or special, this is normal.”
“It’s weird that an android is asking me to tell him my shit.” Gavin placed his hands together and pointed at him. “I don’t go around telling people about my problems just because.”
“I’m not people.” Nines said. “I’m a machine.”
Gavin leaned back and pressed his lips tightly together, narrowing his eyes at him before going back to work. Nines continued working as well but he believed this was great progress, Gavin at least knew he could talk to him if he needed to.
Their shift ended but things didn’t change after that.
Gavin was still quiet, but he was working a lot more. Nines was pleased but the lack of communication was slowing down the progress. However, he started noticing Gavin didn’t leave the precinct until late at night, that he came in late, that he wasn’t eating what Nines bought him anymore. These things were clearly not beneficial or made Gavin efficient, in the end he would have a lot of grammatical errors from not sleeping well.
Nines was getting impatient for not fixing this sooner, but he knew mentally ill people reached a point where they couldn’t keep up with their dissociating mechanisms, where work wasn’t enough to avoid the emotional baggage, and eventually…they would break.
And it happened.
Nines was leaving to go to his apartment when he found Gavin locked in his car. He saw the lights were off and the parking lot was dark, so he was barely visible. Nines approached his car and focused his vision until he saw Gavin leaning on his seat and covering his face with his hand, crying on his seat. He gasped for air violently, he was crying desperately to let something out. Nines waited until Gavin calmed down to intervene, but Gavin took a lot more time than he thought to stop crying.
He knocked on his passenger seat window and Gavin flinched. Nines opened the door and got into the car, not waiting for an invitation.
“What the fuck—are you doing, dammit? Don’t you know when to fuck off?” Gavin managed and Nines held his wrist, stopping Gavin from pushing him away.
“What’s wrong?” Nines asked. “You can talk to me; you know I won’t judge you.”
Gavin hissed and hit the steering wheel feebly, rubbing his face anxiously.
“What the fuck are you gonna know about—mental illness, you fucking robot.” Gavin gasped out, scratching his skin and leaving red angry lines on his face with his nails. “I’m sorry I can’t be fucking perfect—I never was, and I know, but no one is—but I try my best—every fucking day to do my job—to help—I do it all the time but it’s never enough—for you, for anyone, it’s never enough and I’m tired of it.”
Nines tilted his head weakly, confused why Gavin seemed to say he didn’t want to talk to him, but he was…talking to him.
“I’m always thinking too much and trying to ignore it—I ignore it all the time and I think you don’t know how hard I work to not let it get in the way. I don’t think you know how hard it is sometimes to get out of bed because I don’t want to see—hear the things I hear, I told you humans are in pain all the time—I know I should be stronger to deal with these things but I got my own shit and it gets in the way when I have to work, and it—pisses me off.”
Nines nodded in silence.
“I’m good at what I do and I know I’ve done good things but it’s never enough—and then I have to hear families asking me why I didn’t do more, or fucking listen to you ask me why I can’t do shit quickly and easy, I can’t! I’m fucking—human, dammit.” He whimpered. “I’m just one fucking man that’s trying to get his shit together and he can’t.”
Gavin dropped his head to the window and Nines blinked, knowing that hurt him.
“I want to be enough but it’s never enough.” Gavin hit his head against the window. “I promise I’m always trying to be enough—to be good and help and do my fucking job—but it’s not working and I’m tired—I’m so fucking tired—I’m so—tired of feeling like this—of you—of this fucking job—and I want to quit but I don’t—I want to leave but if I do—what am I gonna do? What are they gonna do—I want to be there—I want to do something—but goddamn, why does it even matter?”
“Because just like you said, you’re good at what you do.” Nines interrupted. “And if you leave, the precinct would lose your experience and be forced to hire detectives that don’t know as much as you do.” He said. “Enough might not apply to describe human beings.”
“You have said—many times—‘why can’t you just do this and stop wasting time?’, you have said that—so many fucking times.” Gavin spat out. “And now you’re telling me ‘enough’ doesn’t apply to humans?”
“I ask these things because I know you’re capable of doing things in a more efficient way, one wouldn’t have a point to compare if things were the same all the time, but I’ve seen you working in the past, we’ve been working together for years, and I know what you’re capable of.” Nines responded. “I ask these things because I want to know what you need or what is stopping you from doing what you know how to do, not because I think you’re not capable of doing it, it’s different.”
“Whatever.”
“Enough is a word used in many different contexts, but saying that a human being isn’t ‘enough’ is not correct.” Nines said. “Human beings aren’t compared to each other on a daily basis unless it’s a competition, and even then one doesn’t say ‘the swimmer wasn’t enough’, we say ‘he wasn’t fast enough’, meaning there’s a possibility of improvement in one particular area compared to others, but you can’t deny that the swimmer is a good swimmer, there’s a reason why he’s competing in the first place.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I mean there’s no way you’re not good enough of a detective because realistically, you’ve solved more cases than thirty-seven detectives in the precinct, you’ve been shot less times than all of them, you’re good at physical combat and your aiming is precise. You take good evidence pictures and your reports are complete even though you take too long or have grammatical mistakes. You’re better than the average detective in our precinct.”
Gavin stopped crying, wiping away his tears.
“So if we were to choose a point of comparison to say ‘you’re not good enough’, you will have to explain to me what it is, and who are you comparing yourself to.” Nines said. “And even then there might be a flaw in your deductions, because like I said, that wouldn’t mean you’re not good enough, but that you have the possibility to improve.”
Gavin looked down, clearing his throat and steadying his breath.
“It would be a loss if you quit your job.” Nines said. “Especially after solving so many cases and being considered one of the best detectives in the homicide department, you could help solve many more cases in the future and help families know what happened to their loved ones, since you seem to care about those things.”
“That’s the whole point of working in homicide.” Gavin said. “Someone needs to give them answers and help them move on, they won’t be able to do it if you don’t help them.”
Nines listened in silence.
“I can’t even fucking sleep because of this, my head is too fucking loud all the time.”
“What do you mean by that?” Nines asked.
“Like…” Gavin whispered. “There’s someone yelling at me all the time.” He said. “I feel like someone is trying to get me to listen but I don’t know what he wants from me, and even if try to talk to him—he’s not listening.”
“Who is this person?” Nines asked. “Is it the person you keep comparing yourself to?”
“No.” Gavin shook his head. “I don’t think I compare myself to anyone, honestly.”
“Then why would you say you’re not enough? Not enough according to who?”
Gavin looked at him, Nines tilted his head and locked eyes with him.
“Myself.” Gavin responded. “I’m not good enough for myself.”
Nines’ LED flickered yellow and looked away, trying to process this new information but not…being able to understand it. Gavin sighed and leaned back on his seat, staring off into space as Nines continued to think.
“It’s whatever.” Gavin mumbled. “I want to sleep, so get out of here.”
“Are you going home?” Nines asked and Gavin nodded. “I see.” He opened the door and got out of the car. “Goodnight.”
“Bye.”
Nines closed the door and watched as Gavin drove away to his apartment. There was a wall between them, Nines realized that up to this point. He thought he had answered all of Gavin’s questions, but when he said he was comparing himself to himself…something didn’t make sense. Why would Gavin not be enough for himself? He was him, he could do the same things that…he could do. It didn’t make sense.
That night Nines spent hours doing research about mental health and depression, reading and informing himself about this in case they had a new conversation. He wanted to be ready, he offered Gavin assistance so he needed to give good assistance. Nines found out a couple of things, but the self-deprecating feeling started after being exposed to abuse, at least that’s what most articles said.
Gavin had been exposed to abuse in some way, psychological abuse most likely. Gavin said he wasn’t enough and that he tried his best but it didn’t work. He felt not necessary in his department despite being one of the best detectives, he felt as though he was not a good partner despite Nines acknowledging his feats. Gavin had learned he wasn’t good enough, but who made him think that?
When Nines arrived to work the next day, he found Gavin sitting on his chair and drinking coffee, scrolling on his computer. Nines sat down and grabbed his attention, noticing Gavin’s dark circles were more accented than usual. His heartbeats were going fast, he needed rest but he was running on coffee, which caused him to feel anxious and hyper vigilant.
“Gavin.” Nines said. “We’re going to do patrol today.”
“Why?” Gavin frowned. “I thought Greece was gonna do it.”
“We’ll do patrol instead.” Nines said, standing up. “Follow me, please.”
Gavin was confused but he didn’t say anything, he got into the patrol car with Nines. He was driving slow like usual, but Gavin noticed they were taking different turns that morning. Nines was going to the calmer neighborhoods, where only the sound of birds singing were audible. Gavin leaned on the seat and stared off into the window, until Nines turned it down and let the breeze hit his face.
Eventually, Gavin started to doze off. He was struggling to keep his eyes open, and his head started hanging over and over, until he fell asleep.
“Good.”
Nines’ LED spun to yellow, pleased to know his plan worked. He drove for around an hour before parking behind a building and working from his seat. It was kind of creepy to see since Nines had his eyes wide open as he accessed the database from his Zen garden. Gavin was drooling at this point but Nines didn’t notice, until he got a message from his captain asking where they were, Nines responded they had gone out on patrol and stopped to deal with some situations happening on the street.
Nines lied.
“Detective.” He said. “We’re here.”
“What—” Gavin blinked, opening his eyes and finding himself back at the precinct. “What.”
“Come on.” Nines said. “It’s time to continue.”
“Did I fall asleep?”
“For around three hours into the shift.” Nines responded and Gavin dropped his jaw. “How do you feel?”
“I’m…okay.” Gavin whispered. “I’m…honestly, I’m feeling okay.” He said, clearing his throat. “Alright—let’s…go.”
They went back to work but Gavin couldn’t help feel…weird. How did he manage to nap for three hours into the shift? He felt rejuvenated yeah, but how the fuck did he do that? More importantly, how the fuck did Nines let him do that? Gavin remembered how many times Nines woke him up in the middle of his naps, he wouldn’t let him sleep ever.
Today was different, maybe Nines felt bad for him after—
“No.” But it wasn’t possible. “He can’t feel bad.”
Pity wasn’t an option; Nines wasn’t capable of feeling pity. It was the first time in years he felt someone did something nice for him for apparently no reason, at least not one that made Gavin feel upset. So – he let it be. He continued working as usual and when the shift was over, he walked to his car and heard Nines following him.
Gavin unlocked his car and raised his brows at Nines getting into the passenger seat without asking. Gavin sighed a thin giggle and rolled his eyes, getting into the driver seat and turning to see him.
“Can I help you?”
“I’m here to talk.” Nines said.
“What—yeah, but I don’t need to talk.” Gavin said and Nines frowned. “I’m not depressed all the time, you know?”
“How do you feel today?”
“I feel calmer.” Gavin responded. “I feel better, sleeping helped me big time.” He admitted. “It’s fine, Nines. You don’t have to talk to me today.”
“I have a question.” Nines said. “But I don’t know if I can ask the question.”
“Well…” Gavin frowned. “Maybe? If you piss me off, I’ll tell you.”
“Who made you believe you weren’t enough?”
“You’re pissing me off.”
“Thought so.” Nines nodded, opening the door. “Okay, goodnight.”
“Night.”
Gavin drove away to his apartment and Nines went back to his, sitting down on his couch to type down the new information about Gavin Reed. He noted the benefits of letting his partner take a nap during work, and he noted the change in attitude once he cried like that. Nines was thinking about what he could do tomorrow, but today he realized Gavin didn’t need to talk to him all the time, so how would he know when he needed him?
Nines started creating a profile with the past few days’ findings. Gavin’s attitude and habits changed when he was starting to go downhill, so Nines wrote it all down to be vigilant of these things. If it happened again, he would know exactly what to do.
And that’s how the not-deviant RK-900 Nines became the first therapist without knowing what emotions are.