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“♫〰Eeny meeny miny moe, which body part will have to go? 〰♫”
“Shachi,” Law seethed, glowering at the chirpy redhead, “I’m giving you five seconds to decide on my dare or I’m throwing you out of that little window in the back. Part. By. Part.”
“Eek! Alright, alright! No need to be so violent Capt’n! It’s just a game,” Shachi grinned, looking sneakily at Penguin who gave him a nod and thumbs up.
“Well? What are you waiting for? Let’s hear it,” Law prodded with his arms crossed, an annoyed frown settling on his lips.
The whole room quietened down, focusing on Shachi’s next words in gleeful anticipation.
“I think I’m going to get a hell for this later, but I’m sure it’ll be worth it,” Shachi smirked impishly, a spark of blatant mischief glinting in his eye “so Capt’n, I dare you to cut off your dick, put it in your office, and let it stay there until the end of the game!”
Everyone busted out laughing. Even Robin had to lean onto Franky so as not to fall and start rolling around the floor together with Usopp and Ikkaku.
“Absolutely not,” Law deadpanned, rising to get up and leave, but Penguin caught him by his sleeve.
“Oh, c’mon Captain! You have to play by the rules!”
“No, I don’t. I’m a pirate. I don’t have to do anything, even less so follow some stupid rules.”
“But you agreed to those so-called stupid rules! You said you’d play the game! Are you walking out on us right now?” Shachi cried, shedding fake tears from beneath his sunglasses.
“Stop these theatrics! I’m not going to–“
“Oh my, I didn’t know Traffy was such a loser,” a sweet, calming voice spoke out.
Everyone turned to look at Robin who was gently smiling at Law, her face cupped in her right hand.
“Seriously, only Robin could say such a thing to someone like him,” Usopp murmured in shock, trying not to laugh even harder than before.
“Excuse me Nico-ya? What did you say?”
“I said Traffy, that I’m surprised by your sudden cowardice,” she repeated calmly, still smiling at the flabbergasted doctor.
“She’s right bro, where’s your honor? You did promise to follow the rules of the game,” Franky chimed in from Robin’s side, grinning exactly the same way as every other person in the room. How idiotic.
“Don’t you trust in the abilities you’re so proud of? One could say you’re scared right now.”
Law whipped around, his rage rising.
“You’re one to talk Nose-ya, but nice try. You won’t provoke me into it. I’m leaving.”
“Ah, how tragic. It seems like we have to punish the offender,” Ikkaku lamented, pouring herself another glass of rum, snickering.
“It seems like it. What shall we do with him?”
“I’d say he needs to give us some monetary compensation,” Nami chuckled viciously, her money-hungry eyes already beaming at him.
“What about tying him butt-naked to the mast? He saw me last night in that same position after the game ended and he didn’t even try to help me, bastard. He just looked at me, sneered, and walked right around me,” Sanji grumbled, biting down on his cigarette.
“That’s because he knew you definitely deserved that you perverted cook,” Zoro mumbled, downing another shot of saké.
“What did you just say? You want to say that again to my face, Marimo?!”
“That actually sounds pretty nice, Sanji-kun!” Nami praised, “Perhaps I can find belli or two inside some of his pockets while stripping him down.”
Law looked around himself. He was outnumbered and clearly, these fools were too drunk for their brains to function normally. Who knows what would they do to him if he didn’t go fulfill that dare? He didn’t want to take any chances.
“Fine, just stop it with these wild ideas,” he sighed, holding his face in defeat, “I’ll do it.”
“So? Done?”
“Yes, done.”
“Like really? It’s gone?”
“For fuck’s sake Shachi, yes! It’s clean-cut-off and sitting in my drawer, satisfied?!”
“Very much so,” Shachi giggled, slapping Law’s back merrily, ”Now let’s go back! The game isn’t over just yet!”
“Sure, I still wanted to have some more to drink anyways, but …where are you going? You’re not going back with me?”
“Oh, well, “ Shachi mumbled, looking nervously towards the bathroom, “nature’s calling! I’ll be right back!”
“Okay, don’t take too long, I guess. Penguin’s gonna think you abandoned him, climb into your bed and scare you to death in the morning again,” Law snickered, going towards the ladder up to the crow’s nest.
“Hey! That was one time!”
“True, it was the first time I had to resuscitate someone because they got a shock from being welcomed by another person in their bed. You should be glad no one wants to have a one-night stand with you. Poor girls would be calling you an ambulance every morning.”
Shachi watched until Law climbed up and disappeared from his view, he then sped towards the Polar Tang and laughed to himself evilly.
“Ha, gotcha Captain! I didn’t know you were so naïve as to leave your dick all alone in your headquarters. Now, what should I ask as a ransom for it? Hehe, I and Peng are geniuses!”
He quietly tip-toed to the door to Law’s office, opened them, and slid inside.
The light was still on. Shachi assumed that Law forgot to switch it off. What a reckless captain he had.
“Now where did he say he would put it… Aha! The drawer!”
Shachi run to the desk and excitedly started searching through all the drawers, but in the end, not even after triple checking, he didn’t find anything that would even slightly resemble it.
Did Law lie to him? Did he get played and this was some sort of trap of his? Trap or not, he had to ask him, and then after confirming, he had to tell on him. The rules were the rules!
He grinned and was about to run out of the office when he rammed his head and whole body into something sturdy standing in the doorway.
“Well? Was I being honest or not?” Law smirked down at flustered Shachi, who was already seeing death’s scythe near his throat, “I knew you would come here to check on it. Or more like steal it and then blackmail me for more porn mags, am I right? So predictable. It was so obvious,” Law drawled, pushing Shachi back into the room and leaning back onto the wall, “I even stole one of Ikkaku’s old lipsticks to mark it, so I would know if and who touched it,” Law sneered, mocking Shachi with his piercing gaze, “You should probably go wash your hands, Shachi. I felt some touches here and there you pervert.”
Law finally ended his long speech and kept looking at Shachi, proud that he outsmarted him. Or at least that’s what he thought he did.
“Um… Capt’n…”
“Yeah? Dick-thief?”
Shachi trembled under the bad nickname, but he kept his cool.
“Sorry to burst your bubble, but… that wasn’t me… nor is your dick here…”
“I apologize, what?” Law blinked at him cluelessly.
“Yeah… it’s not there… in the drawer.”
“Did you do something with it then?”
“Uhh, no. When I came here, the dick was already gone,” Shachi shook his head, cold sweat rolling down his forehead.
“Gone?”
“Gone.”
Law, stunned into silence, looked at Shachi’s fingers and palms. They were clean, not even a smudge of red was visible on them. And the smiley redhead wouldn’t have time to wash his hands either. Which meant that…
Shachi frowned.
“Are you sure you aren’t lying Capt’n? Is it really not in your pants?”
Law remained listless, unmoving, basically frozen to a spot.
“Hello? Capt’n?” Shachi shook him but got no reaction whatsoever.
“Well then, excuse me but I’ll have a little look,” he shrugged and pulled the waist of Law’s pants towards himself, looking down.
“Oh. Fuck.”
“Where could it be?!”
“How am I supposed to know?!”
“We looked literally everywhere…”
“Someone must’ve stolen it.”
The two men ran around the submarine, desperately trying to find Law’s missing dick.
“But why would someone steal my dick?!” Law spat out, feeling his mind going in circles.
“Maybe it’s a prank? Maybe the thief didn’t even know it’s a real human dick, and well, and that it’s yours at that. Or they wanted to show it to others that you have a dildo in your office and embarrass you?” Shachi speculated while going through the drawers in Law’s office again.
“Great …just great. You know what Shachi? I think you should go back to others,” Law sighed and sat down in his leathered chair.
“What? Really? I thought you needed my help to catch the thief?”
“Yes, and I still do, but what you said earlier about someone possibly having an intention of embarrassing me while thinking that my dick is a dildo might just be true. So go back, and make sure that it doesn’t happen. Keep an eye out on everyone and everything.”
“Aye aye, Capt’n! Good luck!” Shachi saluted and sped off back to the party.
Once the door clicked closed behind him, Law relaxed in his chair and massaged his already throbbing forehead. He probably had too much to drink. He should’ve controlled himself better.
“I should get back to searching…” he mumbled tiredly and tried to stand up, but was immediately pulled back down again by a warm feeling flooding his lower part.
“W-what?”
The warm, moist feeling grew stronger with each second, making Law slide down the chair more and more until he was sitting on the cold, iron ground. It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling, nor was it unpleasant. Not at all. It was the most mind-blowing, delightful sensation he felt in a while. It took Law a second to wake up from his ecstasy to realize what was currently happening. Someone was gliding their tongue up and down his hard dick! And hell were they good at it.
Hot, plushy lips kissed down his penis, spoiling it and pampering it, as it pitifully twitched. The pecks were full of care and passion, and so was the fondling of the rest of his sensitive parts.
Law felt a passionate, slobbery kiss right near his balls, feeling also little nibs here and there, making him shudder and clench his fists.
“Ack!” Law exclaimed as a gentle gust of cold breeze blew on his slicked skin.
“This thief…!” Law growled, biting down on his lower lip to keep himself from moaning too loudly. Fuck! If only he had them in front of him. He would show them! He’d rail them into oblivion so they wouldn’t dare to pull this shit ever again. Whoever was playing with him was so going to regret it!
A minute of silence ensued.
Perhaps… the person already had their fun and they would leave him be? Was it finally over? What kind of shitty prank was this?
But unfortunately for Law, it seemed like his playmate had different ideas.
“Ugh!” Law grunted as the pressure increased, especially on the top. Law felt like with a few more skilled flicks of that unknown tongue, he would come soon. But suddenly, he didn’t even get to breathe in before he felt the warmth enclose his whole length, “Fuck!”
Law came undone, feeling the harsh slapping of the skin on the skin and the warm tightness that was squeezing his dick, as he floated in his climax. Was someone seriously riding him? What kind of fucked up horny dream was this?
Law could sense as the tight, yet soft skin of someone’s hole stretched around his dick, rubbing it so intensely that Law was seeing white.
“Aagh–! God dammit!” he cursed as his balls were squeezed, the tempo grew and his dick got erect again, “Who is this stamina monster?! I’m so going to find you and fuck you up!”
Law woke up with a shock, sweaty and sticky all over as he found himself on his office’s floor. He blinked the sleepiness out of his eyes and slowly looked around. What even was that last night about? Crazy what can happen to you because of one silly dare.
He got up and walked toward his desk. There was something unfamiliar with it. Perhaps Shachi decided to bring him breakfast because he felt guilty? Once he got closer and got a good look at what was on it, he froze.
There it was. His missing dick. It just sat there, still slick and with a heavy scent lingering on it. But that was not all. There was also some sort of card next to it saying: “Thanks.”
Something in Law broke. He snatched the card, crushed it in his hand, and stormed off to the cafeteria on Sunny to have breakfast. Once he got something into his stomach, he’d start searching for that bratty thief.
Once on Sunny and sitting at the aquarium, sipping on his black coffee, a jolly voice resounded through the room.
“Morning everyone!” Luffy shouted cheerily, bursting in, “Sanji, food!”
“Just wait a damn minute you shitty rubber!” Sanji yelled back, already at the stove preparing everyone’s breakfast.
Law looked up annoyedly. He really wasn’t feeling like dealing with Strawhat’s bullshit the first thing in the morning when he stopped.
Luffy’s lips were not only swollen but also stained a deep red. It was the exact shade of Ikkaku’s lipstick that he borrowed.
Law‘s lips twisted into an arrogant smirk.
“Well, well, my thief…”
He stood up and slowly strutted towards the laughing, clueless captain.
“I caught you red-lipped.”