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Richie has been second her whole life, at home, at school, in friendships, love, in every hobby she learned.
She plays the piano with a delicacy that makes every note, even the most aggressive, a caress without missing the right tone, but when she was fifteen and playing for a local theater a recruiter picked her companion for a national competition. Richie never stopped playing, but the other kid is now a professional pianist of the North Carolina Orchestra, while she plays just in her living room mostly for her own peace and at family's dinners.
Richie learned to paint and draw. Her mom helped her with creativity a lot, being a quite eccentric and appassionate artist, who made sure her younger daughter wouldn't miss the opportunity to create, but Richie never made much of her artistic path. Now she owns very expensive tools, but no one wants to play with them.
She has an older sister, Kat, who's about to finish college and who always had better grades, far more extrovert and friendly attitude, pupil of the school and of the family. Richie loves Kat and Kat loves Richie, so the rivalry hasn't ever been a problem to talk about: it's been something that the younger buried down, year after year, because loving her sister and being glad for her successes were everything that mattered. Even though it meant one of them had to wait in the shadows.
At school she was one of the best students of her class. Which meant she was good, really good, but had to share it with someone else: usually it was Matt Brum, her only real competitor, now enrolled in Yale and next to be the CEO of his family company. Theirs was an unhealthy competition, they learned to drag everything into the field to win their battles, sometimes hurting each other more than they would have liked to admit and that left them to lick the wounds on more than one occasion. The only time someone got it the middle was in sophomore year, when a new kid moved in the OBX and it mixed the cards at the table enough for Richie and Matt to lose their balance and stability. Just once the guy left the Academy, because he had to move out again and leave the islands for family reasons, they got back to their places. It has never been established who was the best student of their year, since they graduated with the same grades, so Richie never felt like she could be first for once.
Now, sitting on a stool at the counter of the fancy bar packed with people coming and going and music, she looks at her best friend dancing carelessly out of the room, down in the green garden of the Golf Club, all the eyes on her, and she reminds Richie of another occasion in which she has always been second. Love and all its declinations, from long crushes to brief flirts: Madeleine Patterson has alway been prettier, sexier, nicer in manners, effortlessly beautiful in and out and this all made her a natural confident girl turned into a glowing woman. Growing up, Richie changed, left classmates insults about her body behind, how she looked, how she acted, and opened up enough to gain her own confidence, but Madeleine was always a step ahead. And she didn't even try to. All eyes on her, everyone in love with her, whether it was a childish crush or pure lust. Richie saw so many boys and girls trying to conquer a little place in Madeleine's heart and just a very small group of them who actually made it. Richie always stood next to her, unnoticed, watching people flying around her best friend like they were butterflies attracted by the light.
The girl outside moves at the rhythm of the music, people in fancy dresses around her and Richie who's a little jealous of everything, everyone, especially people in her life that seem to be stars so bright to be hard to even stare at. Sitting on the stoll, a gin she isn't even supposed to drink in her hand, her stomach turns upside down and her jaw squeezes when she notices a tall boy walking in her view and stopping in the middle of the bar. Richie doesn't need to see Rafe Cameron's face to know how he's now looking at Madeleine: like she's the most beautiful woman in the world.
"I see, some things never change" she tells him and takes a sip of her drink in the same moment he turns, surprised, like he didn't expect anyone to be there. But it's room full of people, so Richie thinks it's kinda dumb.
He visibly relaxes when he notices it's her, Rachel Garner, sitting on a stool, pouring her soul in a gin, in her light brown hair falling down her shoulders. Rafe didn't see her there, but maybe not even for the rest of the night. Instead, she saw him and not because Midsummer is his family theater to make big dramatic entrances, but because she's a good observer, learned in the field for all the past years of quietness and standing in others shadows.
"It's you" he mutters and she can't help but feel a bit uneasy when his eyes scan her body up and down. Suddenly, she feels like her young self, the one that was scared to dress up differently than usual, scared of people's judgement. Somewhere in high school she tried to be bolder with her body, less frightened, but Rafe's eyes can be a lot mean and his words meaner and now she knows he's judging her. Richie doesn't even contemplate it could be a positive verdict, it can be only negative or absolutely indifferent by her whole presence. In the end, he moves his stare away from Richie's soft body, her peach satin dress suddenly not so tight around her sensible pale skin, and on his face nothing. He sits one stoll away from her and, with a movement of his hand, he calls one of the waiters to have the same Richie had.
They sit there in silence for a while and, she notices, Rafe's more nervous than she expected him to be at the frivolous party of Midsummer. Apparently, he dropped out of college by the end of the semester and she supposed he would have been back to the free life of a rich kid that has nothing to lose, everything to enjoy, but the frown of his face makes her dubious. When he looks again at Madeleine, dark curly hair bouncing on her shoulders as she dances, Richie decides to break the silence and do it like she's an elephant inside a crystal shop.
"She's out of your league" the girl tells him with a mocking voice, she won't sugarcoat what she thinks. Not to him. Actually, he should already be aware of what she's telling him: he always flirted with Madeleine, she always answered him things that meant he had to understand she wasn't up for flirting back. That she wasn't interested. The thing with Rafe, though, was that he never made a fool of himself declaring his love for Madeleine -or his attraction to her- like many did in the school hallways, but he has always been less explicit, flirting subtly when he got the chance in the middle of a conversation or a situation. He never went to Madeleine and asked her out, Richie has always been conflicted between thinking it was because he had too much consideration of himself to allow himself to show publicly his feelings -whatever kind, whether was love or physical attraction- for other human beings, or because he considered himself too high to being able to handle an open rejection like almost everyone else. The thought he might not be interested in her best friend like that never occurred to Richie. Now, she finishes her last bit of liquid from her glass and orders another with a thanks to the waiter, when he comes back with Rafe's one. "You know that"
"Yeah. I know" he mutters and reserves her a glance, now, eyebrow raised as his lips touch the glass to drink. When he swallows, Richie thinks he's gonna move his stare away -maybe back at Madeleine- instead he plants his blue uncomfortable eyes on her. Again, Richie feels like he's judging her. He's a prick who thinks to be better, smarter, more attractive than anyone, so maybe she should take it less personally. He does it with everyone a voice reminds her, because he was the stereotypical rich kid who thought that daddy's money and charming blue eyes gave him the right to turn into an awful person. A bully kid in the school hallways, a mean man who doesn't know anything close to love, because you'll receive what you gave. But he told you bad things growing up another voice talks in her mind and it sounds a lot like Rafe's when she heard him talking shit about her to her own birthday party in seventh grade. He told something about her weight and her pink dress and it hurt when she heard him by accident, as he shared his thoughts with some classmates. They laughed. All of them. But he was someone that talked to her back, she learned by hearing him when she wasn't supposed to and by rumors that came to her ears, because he couldn't afford to do it her face: he easily did with others, but Richie was the daughter a family friend and business partner, so Rafe knew that the moment he stepped on her foot where everyone could see and hear, he would have been in big trouble. So he did it at her back and limited the public interaction to childish bickering that didn't have much weight on their families relationship, mostly because Richie learned to spat, mock and fight back if it was necessary. She even learned to start a discussion with him, as a self defense mechanism, before he could. Like now: she could have stayed silent, waited for him to leave, or waited for him to turn and see her, giving him the first chance to start their little thing. But she could be proud and she wouldn't miss the opportunity to show Rafe that not everything can work for him, that he's not as perfect as he thinks to be. She didn't expect him to be so little up for some unhealthy fight. "You tell me every time you have the chance"
"That's what friends are made for" she says to him, forcing amusement from her voice. "Be honest when no one else will"
He snorts, hand squeezes around his glass. "We're not friends"
"Ouch" she mutters and then her empty glass is replaced by a new filled one, so she smiles at the waiter to thank him again. "You hurt me"
He shrugs, but he can't even guess how close those words are to reality. Richie drinks from her glass and Rafe does the same. "You'll be fine"
"Yeah. I heard worse" from you stays unsaid, but he hears the bitter tone anyway, badly hidden, so he turns to look at her when Richie's eyes move away. She looks to a vague point in front of her, hand around the drink, her round freckled face paint in hard features. She's clearly overthinking about something, but Rafe's not sure about what and frankly doesn't care. What he cares about, though, is to bug her as much as she likes to bug him.
"So" he starts, voice high in a way she can hear him drowning in her own mind. She turns, eyes wide and eyebrows lifted. "Heard about your sister. She was quite happy about sharing the news"
Richie's jaw squeezes and, if she hopes that Rafe doesn't notice, she's wrong. It was exactly the kind of expression he expected from her and she knows he likes it. When he can get through her, especially with the bare minimum. The fact is that Katherine Gardner, about to graduate in law with the highest grades, flew home less than four days prior with a huge squared diamond ring on her left hand and a very handsome guy she introduced as Michael, who apparently brought her that same ring she's now showing everyone. When Kat chose to study something that wasn't related to their family business of hotels and touristic properties, Richie thought that their parents -especially her dad- would have been at least a bit disappointed, that he would have eventually accepted it as the good man he is, but after a couple of attempts to convince Kat that she might have been head of their little family emperor. That path was already there for Kat and Richie, smooth and easy. But Noah Gardner was more accepting of Kat's decision than the younger kid would have expected, he asked once are you sure? when her sister dropped the news during her last year of high school and he has never shown any kind of sadness or disappointment about his perfect first born making different choices from what he always imagined for her. But when Kat came back a couple of days before with a guy she dated for apparently the past two months and the news she would have gotten married to him, Richie thought it was a crazy idea and that her parents would have opposed it the exact moment it was announced. But it hadn't happened and Richie went nuts.
"Yeah, you heard?" she asks and lifts an eyebrow, suddenly, for a moment, Rafe next to her feels less like the enemy. Maybe it's the alcohol she's been drinking from the start of the party. But glass after glass she still feels too lucid. "She met the guy two months ago around her campus and suddenly she knew he was his soulmate. What a bullshit"
Rafe looks at her with a furrowed expression, glass to his lips and a moment of contemplation before drinking a sip. Richie refrains the need to pour hers into one whole sip into her throat, but she's not sure she can the moment the liquor touches her tongue, so she keeps it solid on the counter. Rafe looks at her, for once, not like he's judging her, but like he's analyzing her and it makes Richie uneasy. It's like he's paying enough attention to actually considering her something he needs time to understand and process.
"You don't think it's bullshit" he declares in the end, his expression relaxes and hers turns surprised without even realizing. Her big blue eyes are so wide that Rafe would laugh at her, in another circumstance. Before she can spat anything, he keeps talking. " I think it's bullshit, you don't"
"You don't know shit"
"You think I don't know you?" when she mutters a yeah, he ignores her again. "Just because I don't like you and our parents tried to force a friendship down our throats, it doesn't mean I haven't learned to know you. And you don't think it's bullshit, maybe you just wanted to be in her shoes. Right? I mean, she always been full of people around her, praising her and now she's getting married, while you-"
"Can you shut up?" Richie asks, all sudden and her voice higher without her having any control over it. She knows this sounds a lot like an admission and she hates Rafe for this, but she hates him for a lot of other things too. When her eyes stay glued on him in a challenge to interrupt her again, making assumptions or telling that she just showed him a weakness, he seals his lips. His stare is hard. She whispers her next words, leaning a bit towards him, one stool dividing them. "What do you want for me? Uh? Make me feel like shit? You've been spending your whole life making sure of it, now leave me alone, because you know me, but I know you, Rafe. And we both know what's the relationship between you and your family, don't let me spat it in your face. Or use it against you publicly"
This hits him. It's not even the honest truth, it's the threat to expose it to him or everyone else that both scares and makes him angry. The Cameron, one of the most prominent families of the OBX, are everything that Richie is glad to not be born in.
She knows that she doesn't have the easiest relationship with her own parents and sister, but she also knows that they love her and when they tell her that, they meant it. They don't love her how she hoped for, but when Richie looks at Kat, she sees a lovely sister that would do everything for her little one, but also someone that she feels the need to be in competition with. When Kat backed out from the family business, Richie already knew she would have joined the company and lead it after his dad would have left it to his heirs, but seeing her big sister leaving for doing something else felt like Richie finally had a way to prove herself. To be better than Kat in something? Maybe. To have an unhealthy competition with her sister? No, but if one day her dad and mom would say she made sure that their emperor didn't fall, managing it on her own, her heart would just burst in joy and pride. After all the fatigue of making something good without sharing the spotlight with someone else, or -worse- while hiding in another person's shadow, she will finally feel like she could be realized. Though, looking at Rafe, she knows she's the lucky one: at the end of the day, she can say her parents take care of her and love her, in their own way, with their own weird way to show her, while he really can't say the same thing. Probably, he wouldn't ever admit it, but Richie has been around the Camerons enough to know that Rafe doesn't have anyone to tell him they love him, kiss him goodnight, or leave him leftovers when he comes home late even though they are a lot similar to being someone's shadow. Someone's second.
Ward Cameron is a man of sweet smiles and a lot of gentle words, but Richie knows the truth, that he shows the worst of himself when he's out of the public eye. The first time she heard him talking to Rafe privately, hard words for something his son did and an anger that was barely under control, she suddenly explained herself why Rafe was such an insufferable human being. Not a justification, but a valid explanation. That time, a younger Richie learned to observe the interactions of the family with other eyes, ones that would notice Rafe flinching to his dad getting closer too suddenly, or to his little sister, Wheezie, having to fight for people to listen to her.
Rose Cameron is Ward Cameron's younger wife, after the first one died a long time ago, but she's definitely not the kids mom: she made sure everyone remembered it since she made her debut as a family member and Rafe and his sisters can't now really forget it. She's not the evil stepmother, but Richie isn't sure she knows how to care about anything that hasn't to do with her.
Sarah and Wheezie and nice girls, to Richie's opinion, even though they are both younger and now they sporadically see each other at fancy nights of the OBX élite and family dinners. Sarah can be found at less pretentious parties sometimes, being just three years younger, but Wheezie is still too young for her and Richie to cross paths when their families aren't involved. Rafe loves Wheezie, he probably never told it to himself and won't ever do such a thing, but he doesn't need to speak it aloud: the way Wheezie looks at him like he's a good brother, the same way Sarah is a good sister, like she doesn't care that he can be rough, a lot moody, a real prick. When Richie thinks that maybe Wheezie knows half of what Rafe is capable of doing and saying, she thinks good for her and she won't be the one to break the little girl's bubble in which her relationship with her brother is based on real affection. Rafe loves Wheezie and Wheezie loves Rafe, Richie would feel like a monster to break something like that for a thirteen year old and for an awful boy who clearly doesn't know much love.
The relationship with Sarah, on the other hand, drives Rafe mad and it's all Ward's fault since he never applied the same rules to all his kids: from a close spot, it always seemed like he had a different way to parenting each of his kid and, if the Gardners probably thinks they applied the same rules and shared the same amount of love to both their daughters, Ward made sure the differences between the three Camerons were easy to notice by everyone. Wheezie is the little child that is too young to be taken seriously and that is most of the time ignored, while Rafe is the older one with a difficult personality, that has been allowed to act in a certain way until his dad pretended he grew up and acted completely differently. But you can't plant a flower and pretend it will blossom healthy, if you don't take care of it just because it seems difficult and slow. Inside the Cameron dynamic, Sarah is the prettiest, the brightest and the most colorful flower, the one that grows so fast and healthy during spring time that you can't help but stare at it in joy. She has a cheerful attitude and good heart, she's a person that likes other people and that other people like. She's Rafe's exact opposite and Ward never helped them to overcome their differences, he showed nothing but a blind preference for Sarah and it had a massive impact on Rafe's behavior, when his dad was so inclined to show it in his face. He never was an enjoyable and pleasant kid to be with, always sure of his privileged position, but his dad made it worse. The more Rafe looked for love in a place that wasn't willing to give it to him, the more he grew frustrated and angry.
Almost twenty years spent with the Camerons, Richie knows it all and, now, she quietly tells Rafe that she knows how unsteady his family is, that she's conscious of the facade of the perfect family his own is. In front of her, he simply stares at her blankly for the first couple of instant, until, at least, his expression changes. His eyes widen, like he's having a sudden realization and maybe she should be scared, especially when he drinks what's left of his drink in a whole sip. The glass against the counter produces a violent loud noise, but it doesn't break.
"Let's get married" it's all he says and she almost falls from her stool.
"Excuse me?"
-
After Midsummer, Richie needs two days to recover from the alcohol and from her weird encounter with Rafe.
The first day her head sounds like a drum playing non stop and she must look so awful and tired that after just one attempt from Kat to make her leave her bed, her sister doesn't try anymore. Her mom comes by a couple of times to check on her and her dad gives her the free day at work. By the end of her day, she gives herself another twenty four hours, whether her family agrees or not, on seeing her lying almost lifeless on the mattress in her room, standing just to go to the bathroom and opening her mouth to eat what Anthony, the butler, bought for her mom's wish.
The third day, she gets up from the bed, she showers for the longest minutes with water so hot that the freckles on her skin almost disappear under the redness of the temperature and then puts on her prettiest clothes for work, before heading in the kitchen for breakfast and spreading forced smiles. Kat is the first to embrace her when she makes her apparition and she tells Richie that she's happy to see her doing better with such apprehension that the younger one's stomach turns upside down.
"Sit next to Michael" she tells, after Richie stands in the kitchen almost out of place. Her stomach protests again, when she takes a seat next to the man (who’s actually sitting in her usual place), who smiles at her and asks how she's doing today. Her answer comes out almost whispered, but she can't help but look at Michael and see Rafe.
Let's get married.
It needs her all the strength she possesses to focus on the food and on making small talk, the ones able to assure the people around the table that she's fine, so she tells herself all the physical differences between Michael and Rafe in a way she can't see one and think about the other. Then she explains to her dad what she's gonna do at work and he simply nods.
Sitting in her car, alone, after breakfast feels like all the thoughts she tried to hold back or change implodes and the need to have a little cathartic cry, dressed in nice work clothes, comes to her mind more than once. But then Kat and Michael come out from the house hand in hand, ready to have a walk around the OBX and show the foreign boy the place, so Richie pulls out of the parking lot and speeds to work. If she drives, she won't think about anything, she's sure of it, but it's a failing plan and she understands it when she bursts into tears two streets down her house, as she waits for the light to turn green.
Making it at work in one piece is almost like winning at life, but the feeling is very temporary and weak: what’s really lead her sane for half of the day is that she has so much work to do around, things to check out and inside the office she has been assigned to since she stepped in as her dad’s right hand, that she gets distracted from her mind and all her thoughts.
Every step she takes feels like she's about to stumble and make a fool of herself, but she pretends to know what she’s doing and makes it with well built confidence, at least until lunch.
She’s trying to think about anything but the hotel financials she’s currently revisiting -the ones she discussed with her dad and their team of managers when they met a couple of days before Midsummer, coming from all their five star resorts spread around North Carolina- when the door of her office swings open. The sound breaks her just found balance and the revelation of the person pushes her back into a chaos of feelings. The most common, the one where she would bend over the floor and throw up. Rafe, the only person she didn’t really want to cross her path with, walks in, dressed in jeans and a pastel polo, dark blonde hair brought back and step so sure and bold that, Eve, a small middle aged receptionist has some difficulty to catch up with. She appears behind Rafe's tall body a moment later, when he's already about to sit in one of the chairs usually reserved for guests and clients, on the other side of where Richie sits at her desk. She stares at him like he’s the devil and, from his grin, she’s sure he knows it and enjoys every second of it.
"After three days you came back to life" Rafe announces himself loudly, stepping more and more towards Richie and her belongings. She feels protective of her space, but she refrains herself from showing him anything that he could perceive as a weakness and doesn't ask how he knows she has been home for the past few days. He finally falls on one of the chairs, making his staying real and more permanent than Richie had hoped for. "Sounds like an already heard story"
The owner of the office moves her eyes from Rafe to Eve then, when her employer starts apologizing.
"I tried to stop Mr. Cameron, telling him that I should have come first to make sure you were free to receive him" the woman is telling, like she really has a reason to apologize, when they are talking about Rafe Cameron and his rude spoiled manners. "But he walked past me and I tried-"
"It's fine" Richie assures from her chair, smiling at the woman, but feeling like she’s telling that to herself. Eve seems taken aback for a second, just once, before she relaxes and nods, once she gives Rafe a look. Then she leaves and the false relaxed expression on Richie falls the moment the door closes at the boy’s back. “Don’t do that ever again. Next time, you stop by the reception and ask if you can come in” a pause, when Rafe’s smile grows. “Actually, don’t come here ever again. I don’t want to see you”
He sighs, but he’s amused. “Well, now I’m already here, so”
“Yeah, I can see that and I don’t like it” she says resignedly: she knows what he wants, but she finds herself asking her next words anyway. She leans on the back of her chair, as he has already done that the moment he ungraciously fell on his own seat. “Why are you here, Rafe”
“You know why I’m here” he tells her, suddenly the smile falls and she knows what to expect. Or not completely, because Rafe Cameron pulling a jewelry box from the pocket of his trousers and leaving it on Richie's desk, above all the spread papers, wasn’t in her mind at all. In her eyes panic, when she stares at it and then back at Rafe. “You didn't really give me an answer”
“I’m sure I did”
“Keep repeating to repeat myself, before running away, isn’t exactly what I would describe as answering” he makes her notice, but he sees how she keeps glancing at the box: like it’s the scariest thing she has ever seen, but he didn't exactly expect her to jump in joy. He nods to it. “Open it”
She looks up, eyebrows furrowed. “I’m not sure I want to. That’s a really crazy idea”
Listen, I know you don’t like me and I don’t like you, but getting married can be a good deal for us , he had said to her at Midsummer, an expression a lot similar to the one painted on her face at the moment. We get married and we settle for a bit, we both will get our families off our backs: my dad will stop bothering me with growing up and all that shit and yours maybe will stop thinking your sister is better than you. Don't make that face, I know you thought that stepping into business would have made you more likely to be your parents favorite, but now it's time to accept that you're not. And I'm not either. We want to be, right? We’re twenty and two of the wealthiest families of the OBX, so we can try. It’s convenient for me, as much as it is for you.
After that, she wanted to tell him that her parents don't have a favorite and that she doesn't think Kat is better than her, but she would have lied, so she asked him to explain himself again.
“Is it that crazy?” he asks now, playing it dumb, but Richie knows Rafe, he’s not the brightest, but dumb either. He’s just good at pretending, so people underestimate him, until he can prove to them he's sneaky and petty. ”Your sister is getting married to a guy she barely knows, your parents approve and you don't know what bothers you more between the two, it’s written all over your face. But if you think about what I told you, we know each other since we were kids, I mean, it should be less suspicious if we’re the ones getting married”
“You’re forgetting the part where we never got along” Richie reminds him, still confused and surprised by the whole situation. She would like to be somewhere else with someone else: it’s now that she thinks to Madeleine, how she would react to know what Rafe asked her and to watch them now, discussing a marriage proposal in her office like it's a scene of The Proposal . It’s the thought of her that makes Richie ask her next question. “Why me”
He shrugs and looks out the window of the room, the glass door that leads to the balcony, right into the ocean. Richie prefers the marsh that runs along with the tiny piece of land that the island is, because the water is less scary and deep, it’s more familiar than the open unknown ocean. For a moment, though, Rafe stares at it and Richie thinks he might be lost. Eventually, after a whole moment, he answers. “I told you, it’s convenient”
“It is?” she asks. “Weren't there other convenient options on the market? Other people more suitable than me? People that like you? People that you like? And not just personally speaking, also-” a pause as she thinks about all the time he told bad things about her, her body, the way she looked. "Physically"
He laughs quietly, but it’s nervous and it makes Richie more nervous than she already is by reflex. “It’s not like I was planning on getting married and made a list of all the suitable options. You were there, drinking your anger for your sister-”
“I wasn’t”
“And I was angry at my dad” he continues, ignoring her interruption. He still doesn’t look at her. “It was a sudden thought given by the circumstance”
“Romantic” Richie comments, almost offended by the way he easily spills the truth. But it’s a stupid reaction, she knows that, because it’s not like she thought he might be interested in her and, honesly, she doesn’t want him to. What she asks next needs a lot of courage to share it aloud though. “Aren't-aren't you afraid of what people will say?"
He gives her a side glance, but he quickly returns to stare out of the window, which starts to give on her nerves. She is conscious he knows what she's referring to, but she's not really surprised when he asks: "Afraid that they might tell that we ended up married after hating each other? No. We'll be the gossip of the island for a while, until they'll skip to the next one"
"It scares me the way you thought about this" Richie admits and her voice stays quiet, almost whispering, while her mind spins all those things that Rafe is telling her. She pushes her hair back, behind her ears, and she's glad he's turned when she sees how her hands shake. "But I was talking about people talking about you marry someone like me ? Someone that looks like me. People will talk shit"
"What do you look like?" he asks her, finally looking Richie’s way and bearing her stare. She’s incapable of understanding if he’s serious, at this point, or he’s mocking her. Wouldn't be the first time, but this is a twisted way and it gets her angry.
"Don't treat me like you didn't bully me for my body-" he tries to interrupt, but she shuts him. "Don't. You spent your whole life making mine miserable. Just because you didn't tell things to my face didn't mean I didn't find a way to know"
"I was a kid-"
"You're still a kid, you probably still goes around talking shit about me when I can't hear-"
"I don't" he protests, but it's weak.
"And the fact that you want to marry someone just to get your dad off your back proves it" she keeps telling him with rash and impetuous, angry from all the things he made and said to her. "Don't you want to marry someone that you love and someone that loves you, Rafe?"
She sounds hysterical, she knows that, but both of them know it's her right to be. He wasn't the nicest guy to her, he was like that with everyone actually, but he can do better. Or he thinks he can, so he leans forward, reaches for the box on the desk and opens it. He shows her a beautiful ring, a small group of diamonds shining even under the natural light coming from outside, like a quiet promise to actually try to be a decent person. They can be a team and he can do his part: he's not sure she gets that when he pushes the ring a bit towards her, but if she's gonna say yes, he'll learn to keep his mouth shut.
She just asked if he wants to marry someone that will love him, but he's not sure, at this point, that someone able to do such a thing exists and he's scared of a couple of things, not being loved is on top of the list. Richie doesn't need to hear this coming from him, but he suspects she might guess it.
"No, I don't care about that" he lies and her eyebrows furrow, her lips pressed into a tiny line. "But the moment you call it quit, the moment there's someone else, I'll back out-"
"You're talking about this like-" a pause and this should suggest to him she might tell him no. It would be fair, but the fact that she didn't refuse straight away keeps him on the edge. "Like it's nothing. Like it's something you can easily get rid of. It's not, Rafe. Some of us gives it a value and buy a ring won't make someone that believes in marriage change their mind about it"
"It was my mom's" he says and when she stares at him with a perplexed expression, he nods to the ring. "I didn't buy it. It was my mom's. My dad give it to me in case, you know, I would have found someone wanting to spend the rest of their live with me and-"
"No" she interrupts and shakes her head when he looks at her like she stabbed him. It's a moment, but she sees it the instant he fully realizes she just rejected him. She never saw him so unprepared about anything, but she won't let it get under her skin: he deserves it, he deserves that things don't always go how he wants to and that he won't be able to be the cold heartless himself forever. "I'm not gonna marry you. I like to think there's someone that really wants to marry me, someone that loves and that respects me fully. And you don't, Rafe, I can't just forget you made my life hard. You and the people like you helped me with my confidence, growing up, but it wasn't fair. You hurt me and me marrying you and forget about it is not something I'm willing to do" a pause, both of them swallow. "I shouldn't even say this, because I don't think you deserve it, but I still hope you'll find someone that loves you too and that you'll be glad to propose with your mom's wedding ring. Maybe it will help you to become a better person. But we know we're not a match. So my answer is no"
Silence fills the room for a brief moment, really short, but heavy with a tension that Richie is a bit scared to turn into something else. Rafe's face is a stone all the time, he blinks a couple of times as his eyes are steady in hers, but he doesn't say anything and Richie waits. Then, he purses his lips and with a deep sigh, pushes his hair back.
"Fine" he mutters and slowly reaches for the little box, looking at it between his fingers like he's studying the weight of the object. He puts it back on the pocket of his jeans, but when Richie thinks he's gonna stand and leave like nothing happened, he stays still. "No is no. Not gonna ask again"
Richie's heart almost jumps out of her chest. "Thanks"
He nods and finally, expression blank, he stands. Turns once towards the door and then back towards the girl, who's quietly observing him and is pretending she's doing fine, while inside she feels like she needs to cry. Again. Richie cries a lot, but usually she doesn't do that in front of other people, especially the ones that could see it as a weakness and use it against her. Rafe is on top of the list. "Don't tell anyone"
The request, not a question but an order, makes her smile. Not of happiness, but of something that it's more familiar with Rafe: it's a grin that silently is mocking him. "Why shouldn't I"
"No one is gonna believe you, anyway" he says, eyebrows furrowed and gears that are working hard to figure out if she's messing with him or not. He pats the pocket of his jeans and she knows he's referring to the ring, when he talks again. "No proof. Your word against mine. And considering our history, you'll probably make a fool of yourself"
Richie narrows her eyes. "You're a snake"
Rafe laughs and, finally, the tension leaves the room like the air inside an open balloon, when you let it go. It's a relief. "Hey, see you at your sister's engagement party. Don't know about you, but I'm sure it will be fun"
The wish to throw something to him is hard to resist, but when he leaves, Richie thinks she wouldn't have wanted to be in the same room a moment longer.
-
"Have you ever thought about marriage?" the question comes out casually, almost distractly, but it isn't anything like that. Richie asks on purpose, pretending nonchalance, while she sees Madeleine stop her hand, fries between the fingers, in her tracks. The other girl doesn't really look at her best friend straight away, she can tell what she's doing from having her sitting in her general sight, so she takes a moment before looking up. Straight into Madeline's dark eyes, staring back at her with a confused expression.
"What?" she asks in the end, finally throwing the fries into her mouth. She chews it and, for a moment, Richie looks at her full lip covered in a matte brown lipstick moving graciously. "Where this comes from"
Rafe Cameron, it's Richie's first thought and the honest answer, but she knows she can't say that without Madeleine thinking she's getting crazy. She has no reason to talk about Rafe and no reason to talk to Rafe, which actually happened quite privately the day before, but even if Madeleine would believe what happened, she would probably be very confused and very upset about it. Like she would fairly be if Richie would have agreed to Rafe's crazy plan of getting married out of convenience.
"Kat's wedding" Richie tells Madeleine and it's not a complete lie. It's just a partial truth. "It's making me think, that's all"
"It shouldn't" her best friend pushes her curly hair behind her shoulder when they fall around her face, but she's careful not to touch her locks with her hands dirty of salt and fried oil. Richie blinks at her, when the other leans on the table of the diner they are sitting during their lunch break. Technically it's just Richie's, because Madeleine is a student on holiday until lessons will start again in September and she will have to fly back to New York, where she's studying fashion management in a very expensive college. "Don't let this whole wedding get you. I know you and I know what you're thinking"
"What am I thinking?" Richie asks, taking a sip from her Cola Zero and then getting back to her vegan hamburger. Madeleine thinks that making meat vegan it's a living paradox for terminology and a heresy for her poor omnivore heart, but Richie quit meat years ago and there's just one place in the whole OBX that serves vegan meat. The place isn't the fanciest, but it's not cheap either, it looks like a diner of old times and it's in a strategic place in Figure Eight almost on the road down The Cut. Plates can be expensive for the Pogues, the ones less lucky living in the poor side of the island, but sometimes kids from The Cut come by to have a bite anyway. Richie doesn't mind them, some are criminals and some are working hard people, same as the ones from Figure Eight. The only difference is that who lives on the rich side of OBX never pay for their crimes and does pretty much clean jobs behind a desk, while the poors are usually the first to end up in jail when they are into bad business and the honest ones wake up every day to break they back under all the work.
"You're thinking that now that your sister is getting married, you're the next. Because you have to" Madeleine underline, distracting Richie from her thoughts. "You don't have to"
"All my relatives to Kat's engagement party will disagree with you" the girl scoffs at her own words. "Actually, my parents will disagree with you"
"They won't" Madeline says, because she's on the Gardners defense squad: she loves Richie's parents and their own child never quite got why. Sure they were always polite and friendly, welcomed Madeleine like she was family and she always liked the freedom she felt around them, but Richie thinks it's not a valid reason to worship the ground they walk in. Maybe it's because Madeleine's dad is a real asshole.
"They'll be subtle about it, but they will" Richie tells her friends. "They'll find a way to make it sound like they are telling me something nice and at the same time meaning the exact opposite"
"Still" Madeleine says, moving her hand distractedly. "Not an excuse to get paranoid, girl. You're not the next in line. You have all your life in front of you. Just because you sister decide to marry a guy doesn't mean you have to"
The truth is that, before Kat and Rafe, she never thought about marriage. Not like something concrete, at least, something so real that is scary to think about. The thought of spending her life with someone forever never occurred to her until recently, usually it has always been something that everyone gives for granted, whether it's their own or someone else's life. Society says marriage is a step that, at some point, almost everyone will take and kids are brainwashed about it without even realizing, parents would say when you get married you'll understand it in the middle of a conversation and no one would give it the right weight. Now, Richie always considered it mandatory because normal, that she would have eventually married someone and settle for a future together, but the current situation is pushing her boundaries and putting her under a certain pressure. The future planned for her, like it's for everyone else, is suddenly so concrete to not sound remote and hypothetical, but so close to feel like it's an imminent present.
Probably it's just Richie's anxiety and paranoia that easily turn her into a people pleaser, someone that does things to see others happy in a way she can be it herself. She's an addict that craves others' respect and pride so she can feel at peace with herself, even though it's self sabotaging like every drug.
Richie mutters an "Hum, hum" and Madeleine pretends to not notice her friend is somewhere else with her mind for the rest of the lunch.
-
If Richie would be a bad sister, she would have let her dad order the manager of one of their three resorts on the OBX to handle Kat and Michael's engagement party and she would have just shown up for the food, the alcohol and her sister's happy smile to her future husband. But Richie is a good sister and took care of everything until the last moment and, maybe it was also because she could keep herself busy physically and mentally, even during the night.
She took care of the flowers, the food and its timing, Michael's parents who came that same morning and now are staying in one of the most expensive suits of the building, she also took care of the DJ, who had been more interested in the music than alcohol. In the end, she didn't really blame him for looking for a refill of wine, because she picked and ordered one of the best wines directly from Italy and champagne from south France and, more than once, she found herself asking for more from the waiters. It's just that, at some point, she starts not caring about the DJ, or the fact that one of the catering guys told that salmon tarts are over, because the more she talks to people, the more she keeps drinking. She always bragged about being able to handle alcohol pretty well, but now, sitting on the counter of the bar of one of the luxurious five star resorts she owns, she wishes to be so drunk to not recognize faces, words, not feeling anything. But she's still pretty damn lucid when, after hours and the sky painted in darker color, her grandmother from dad's side approaches. Her name is Margaret and she's an old, venomous lady with really too much to say: Richie's dad says he took everything from his own dad, a far more quiet and nicer man that the two children never have been able to meet, because he died when Kat wasn't born yet. He also asked divorced from the woman now cornering Richie and she really never wondered why.
"Grandma" the younger girl says as a greeting, drinking from another glass of champagne, when the woman orders one for herself and gives her niece a look from head to toe. Richie tries to not flinch.
"What did you put on?" the other says, as a glass is served and the waiter disappears, after just one glance to his young boss. Richie would like to follow him and serve rich people instead of listening to them, but she's not that lucky so she looks at her dress and wonders what Margaret has to say about what she's wearing. "This color is terrible. It Looks like vomit. Who chose it for you?"
"I chose it, actually. I liked it" Richie sighs and, nervously, she keeps glancing at her grandmother's back, hoping to see anyone that might help her escape her unrequited sincerity and rudeness. She looks for any of her parents, who know Margaret well enough to plan a rescue for Richie without the girl asking for it, or even Kat, who sometimes has been a victim of their grandmother as well, but no one of them is somewhere to be seen. When she looks for Madeleine, maybe, or anyone else that would come and save her, Richie actually spots Kat: she sees pretty much just her adorned head, her brow hair tied with little gems, while she's too far away and too busy kissing Michael to pay her little sister attention. Once Richie gets back to Margaret, white hair falling on her back like waves, and she knows her grandma noticed her giving her sister and boyfriend a look a moment too long.
"I see" the woman says and the girl frowns, as her hand squeezes around the glass unvolutary.
"You see what" Richie prompts, while she already knows what's about to come from the other mouth. The amount of you're the next or you'll find someone too said with too bright smiles from the guests at the party haven't been as much as Richie expected, actually, they've been not more than a few, mostly from her parents' adult friends. Maybe Richie kept herself very busy, hands and feet always in movement so her mind could run along, but the night has been almost bearable, ignoring the amount of pda from Kat and Michael. But it was her problem to solve, not theirs, so she smiled and asked them if they were enjoying the night. Her future brother in law told her she did amazing with the party and Kat hugged her to thank Richie for everything, which helped the younger one to fill her heart with the right amount of pride to bear the fact they seemed glued to each other.
"I see that your dress matches your mood, honey" Margaret says and smiles, and Richie's eyebrows lift suddenly in a surprised expression. It's not she didn't expect her grandma to say something mean, it's just that she didn't expect anything so explicit. "Don't be jealous. I know you're not as pretty as her, everyone looks at her, I get it, but you'll find someone eventually"
Richie knows she's not as pretty as Kat. Her sister is small, pale like milk and light as a feather whatever she does, her hair is the straightest she has ever seen and she's one of those people who posts photos with the hashtag no makeup and looks relaxed like they are coming out from a retouched Vogue cover. Richie, on the other hand, is her sister's opposite: as a kid she was always taller than the others, her body softer than most of the girls of Figure Eight and her skin covered in freckles like painting strokes. She hated her body for so long that, at some point, she forced herself to embrace it, because life is too short to waste it about the size of the jeans instead of her own health. Now, there are days she likes her body, she's confident about it, some others she still looks at the mirror and makes a list of all the things she would like to change. Though, hearing people saying those kinds of words has a certain power over her mind and just because she expected her grandma to be a snake doesn't mean it doesn't hurt anyway.
Her way out of this awful conversation isn't exactly a healthy way to do so, but it's the only one that walks literally next to her and that, after drinking her champagne in a single sip, Richie grabs. That literally too, when she notices Rafe's broad shoulders are walking away in a blue suit and she stretches her body, until she can grab his hand and link their fingers. He turns abruptly, as Richie holds his hand better and she's surprised to find his skin warm, so she smiles when his eyebrows shoot up. He glances between Richie, her hand in his and her grandma that he unfortunately had the chance to meet a long time ago, but he's almost subtly about it and doesn't ask the girl to let him go, so Richie guesses he must have an idea about what's going on from the scene in front of him. They never touched publicly, even less hold hands, but after their last encounter there aren't many reasons why Richie should feel the need to push herself so further, especially with her mean grandma there. So he moves next to her, trying to not squeeze back her hand in his and waits for her to explain what's going on.
"He's Rafe. Do you remember Rafe?" Richie asks, palm against palm, she's the one squeezing him like her life depends on it and it shakes him. He doesn't like the feeling, he would prefer to let her go, but he resists. "He's-"
"He's the kid that tried to kill my Pudding" Margaret scoffs, remembering that time Rafe pushed her the woman's dog into the Gardners' pool. Kat saved it by jumping into the water, while Ward scolded his son who said it was an accident. No one believed him.
"Yeah, that's him" Richie confirms and Rafe would laugh off her annoyance, the condescending tone she's using, like she's dealing with a brat. Usually it's the same one she uses with him, but now it's just for her grandma and he can understand why. That woman is a pain in the ass, always been. "And you know what else he is?" the girl keeps asking and there's a moment of silence, a pause, that Rafe isn't sure it's a way to give the woman the time to guess and answer. It's a moment of uncertainty for what Richie is gonna say and what he has an idea of, making him sweating more than he would like to admit. Are they gonna do it? Is she gonna do it? Both their stomachs protest and a thought says no, don't, but eventually Margaret looks to their linked hands and Richie feels suddenly brave. "He's my fiancé"
"Excuse me" it's ask without really making it sound like a question and there's a short and fastly cut mocking laugh from the older woman that makes Richie's hands squeeze around Rafe's one more and her finished glass of champagne. He would wonder if she's gonna break it, but now he's too busy ignoring the ground shaking under his feet, while he thinks she shouldn't have talked about it with him first. Rafe hates not being the one in charge, the one deciding , but when he notices the women looking for Richie's hand with a suspicious stare, he's suddenly brought back to reality.
He talks without processing it, the first lie that comes to his mind and he's really good at lying. "Don't look for a ring. It was my mom's, so we had to ask for some adjustments. You'll see soon on Richie's finger, if it will make you believe us"
His words make Richie take a deep breath of relief, while her grandma stays silent and probably would say something about the size of Richie's fingers and hands if Rafe wouldn't be there to witness and clearly already on the defensive.
"Well" the woman comments under her breath. "Congratulations then"
"Well, thank you then" the older one waves her hand dismissively and, without a word, she leaves through the bodies like she's flying away. As soon as she's out of reach, Richie's hand leaves Rafe's one and she needs a whole moment to realize completely what happened. What she just did. Rafe's face as she turns tells her he has metabolized it yet and he doesn't seem pleased with her choice.
"Don't look at me like that" she hisses, but her voice cracks in the end. His eyes are so deep, that Richie has to move her stare away. "It's what you wanted, isn't it?"
"Yeah. Two days ago" Rafe spats back, leaning now towards her, but the girl's spine stays straight and her chin lifts. It's not challenging, it's a quiet I'm not scared and he knows she's not. Not now. "You can't decide for both of us. You told me no, so you should have come to me and tell me you changed your mind after your annoying grandma tormented you. Then, we would have decided to do that. Together "
"Well, it's not like I had much time to think about it" she tries to defend herself, but she knows he's right: it was selfless of her, but a voice in her head tells her to not let Rafe intimidate her, not let him make her feel guilty for being selfish when he's the most selfish person she knows. But she can't help feeling her stomach protests, which is what makes her blurt her next words. "I'm sorry, okay? I am, really"
Rafe sighs and shakes his head dismissively, but he's still nervous when he gives a look around and he talk. "She's probably already telling someone. So we're in it, no regret, Richie, I swear-"
Is she really gonna do that? Marry the only person she shouldn't marry? Rafe's voice mocking through the years taunts her for a moment, but she shuts it down with force as she reminds herself that it's a deal out of convenience and she can survive that. "We're screwed"
"No, we're not" he gives another look around and seems like he expects anyone to appear out of nowhere, which pushes Richie further to a state of anxiety and paranoia, as she follows his example and gives a look around as well. Rafe calls her back to him with a steady voice. "Don't look. Look at me and listen carefully" with a ton of bravery, for once she doesn't question his need to be authoritative, so she nods trusting the fact that he seems to know what to do. "We knew each other already, so it won't be too weird, except we were the furthest thing from being friends. But I have a story about that, okay? We were at the same Christmas party a couple of months ago, which isn't a lie because we really where, we talked there, we saw each other again at New Year Eve and then we started texting after that"
"You're forgetting the part where you were getting high at those same parties" she interrupts and his jaw squeezes, as he realizes she probably saw him snorting coke from a coffee table in a mutual classmate's living room. Rafe hasn't ever been subtle about hiding his use of drugs at parties, but now he doesn't like to hear her witness it and calling him out for it. Sometimes, he wonders what people think of him when they see him snort coke. Do they ask themselves why he does so? Or they just think he's using it because he can . "Actually, I'm surprised you even remember we were at the same parties"
"That's not the point" he says, hard voice. "The point is that we're gonna say we met there again, started texting and hanging every time I came back for the holidays. Dropped out of college, we kept hanging until I proposed two days ago"
Richie thinks his story can be a solid one, one that would work for other two people with a different history, but she has trouble seeing her and Rafe fit into his description. Going from what she would describe as enemies to engaged in six months of basically a long distance relationship seems forced. "I'm not sure this story is gonna work"
"Well, do you have a better one?" he asks and she bite her lip instead of answering, because the more she thinks about an alternative, the more his own seems the only option. He grins. There's nothing friendly about it. "I thought so. Let's make this work because it's the only one we have"
"Did you have this all planned when you asked me?"
He moves his head to the side and looks at her, when Richie's eyes find him with courage. "Not the first time. The second yes. I had to convince you, if you looked like you could actually tell me yes"
"I didn't" she tells him with a whisper. I choose it now.
"You weren't hundred percent sure, but I didn't have the time to show you my plan, because you told me no when I told you the ring was my mom's" his voice turns lower, when he mentions his deceased mother. Richie doesn't remember her well, as she was really young when she died and she doesn't have many memories in her mind about that brief time in which the Camerons mother was still alive. Before Rose comes into the picture and Richie remembers her wedding with Ward, her excessive dress, one of those that reminds of a Disney princesses. It looked painful to carry around, but Rose didn't seem to care.
"You sure you don't mind me having your mom's ring?" Richie asks then, knowing it's probably something that Rafe gives value to. She tries to think that he wouldn't have proposed with it to her, if he would have minded her using it, but she still thinks he must feel something. Richie watches him open his mouth and close to give her an answer that apparently doesn't want to come out easily, when his eyes move to something to her back and he sighs.
"They are coming" he tells her with a grave voice and she doesn't have to ask who they are. "And from the looks on their faces, they know"
" Shit " it's all that Richie mutters under her breath as she turns in time to see both the couple's parents coming their way. Everyone looks confused, Ward and Rose are even whispering between each other with frowning faces, while the only smiling is Grace Gardner, who's opening her arms even before she's properly in her daughter's personal space. Once in front of Richie, she embraces the younger girl with all her strength.
"That's beautiful, honey" she says right before Rose mutters an curious and surprised "Is this real, Rafe?".
"Yeah" the boy answers flatly and when Grace lets go of Richie, she almost stumbles backward. Rafe catches her by her shoulders and she feels weird to have all their parents eyes on them like they are starving of acts like that to, maybe, prove something about their relationship. Rafe lets go of Richie, but the closeness gets bigger as they stand there, under scrutiny. Feels like Richie's bigger nightmare? As she analyzes it, she's surprised to think she expected it to be much worse: the heavy and constant sense of doing something wrong agitates her stomach and heart, but seeing the others' reactions is helping her feel like she can face it without throwing up and crying. For now, at least. "We didn't want to tell tonight considering it's Kat's engagement party"
"But you know how grandma is" Richie says, half apologizing, to her parents. Her dad smiles at his daughter, before caressing her chin in a genuine gesture that Rafe hasn't ever received, not in a while for sure.
"We didn't even know you were-" Ward starts and looks between Richie and Rafe, back and forth, with a confused smile on his lip. His son tenses a bit, but if the man notices, she's not sure. " Together "
"When this happened" Rose asks, not really asking . "Why didn't you tell us you were seeing each other?"
"Last Christmas" Richie tells the woman and then lets her stare slipping through all the others' faces. "Then we saw each other at New Year Eve and, you know-"
"You know, some of us like privacy" Rafe interrupts Richie, clearly for her stepmom to catch as a not friendly comment. "We wanted to keep it quiet"
"Well, from not telling anyone to announcing a wedding there are a lot of other steps in between. Especially considering you two's turbulent history" Noah makes them notice, but then he reaches for the kids and takes both of them in. "Come here. I'm happy for you"
"Thank you, dad" Richie whispers, squeezed between her dad and Rafe, who's clearly uncomfortable by the physical interaction, when finally the man lets go of them and the others congratulate as well. Rose pats Rafe's cheek in a way that's everything but friendly and with a look in her eyes that says don't screw up , before going for a quick hug with Richie. On the other hand, Ward embraces both the younger boy and the girl and can't help but feel nervous when Rafe tenses in his dad's arms. Then, like the kid is finally realizing what's going on, he leans towards the man's hug and smiles against Ward's shoulders, eyes closed, when his dad pats him in the back. For a moment, Richie can't look at anything but them, wondering.
"I'm surprised" Ward comments in his kid's ear, but Richie is close enough to catch his words. "But congratulations, son. This a good news, it really is"
"Thanks, dad" Rafe mutters, voice soft like Richie hasn't ever heard him talking, before letting go of his dad's body completely. The girl tries to not stare more than she already has, but there's something magnetic for her to watch Rafe around his dad when they aren't fighting. She wonders if she looks the same, when she feels like she's making her parents proud. Then Rafe's eyes meet hers and his facial expression hardens when he realizes she's observing him. Richie looks aways.
"So" Rose starts and, like Margaret, looks for the future bride's hand, finding it empty. She turns towards Rafe like she can't believe him. "Did you propose without a ring?"
"Who do you think I am" her stepson comments, but Richie refrains from the need to laugh. Rose probably links the ring to a romantic proposal, kneeling and all, but Rafe was actually sitting in Richie's office and shoved the box over it like it was a business matter. "I gave her my mom's ring. It needs some adjustment, that's all"
Before anyone can say anything, or Rose straightens her spine at the mention of the old Cameron lady, another voice interrupts and it's Kat, intruding the conversion like she's interrupting something important. Her eyes move between the presents and she smiles, hand tied to Michael at her back.
"What's going on here?" she asks naively, she smiles to no one in particular and Richie asks herself how her sister is gonna react to the news, dropped during her engagement party like a bomb. She doesn't have to wait much to find out.
"Richie and Rafe are getting married" the mom of the two girls announces, preceding everyone else. Kat's eyes widen slightly, eyebrows furrowed and mouth that seems ready to say something, maybe ask them if they can repeat. Except that who spoke the next words isn't Kat, so her sister can't understand if she's mad or not for crashing her party, but a voice that belongs to someone that briefly Richie forgot about.
" What " everyone looks at the younger future bride's back, Richie's the faster to turn towards Madeleine's shocked face, mouth hanging open, the surprise in her expression sharing its presence with another feeling painted on her dark features. It needs a moment, eyes into each other, for Richie to recognize it. Betrayal.
"Made-" her friend starts, but the curly haired girl's jaw squeezes and, when she moves her stare into Rafe's, disgust is all she lets him read. The boy smiles and when Richie notices it, she mutters him to fucking stop under her breath before walking fast behind Madeleine. Her friend's steps are so fast that Richie would say she's running , causing the other to almost miss her as she leads her way through the crowd, the bodies of people that are genuinely enjoying Kat and Michael's party. On her way to catch up with Madeleine, who's clearly leading for a way out the wing reserved for the event, Richie almost stumbled into one of her waiters who apologizes like it's been his fault. Her consoling words, swearing it's been all on her, dissipates quickly as she walks past him and finally the last room reserved to the party ends, meaning that now there are just Madeleine running a marathon in an empty hallways and Richie trying to follow her timing, but she has always been terrible in any kind of sport.
"Mads-" she calls, breathing short, as the other seems perfectly fine with her own respiratory apparatus. "Can you stop? And talk-"
" Rafe " Madeleine spats, first thing she says when she stops abruptly and the fact that Richie was much behind her is the only reason why she doesn't bump right into her friend's chest and anger. "Rafe! Marrying Rafe Cameron. Are you kidding me, Richie?"
"No, I-" but words are missing and Richie's words stay empty of something meaningful to say, hanging open and making her look like a fool. What is she supposed to tell her? The truth? As fast as the thought comes into her mind, she knows she can't for many reasons. Fairly, Madeleine would asks her to not do that -marry Rafe for pure convenience- and also because apparently, now, Richie and Rafe are a team, whether she likes it or no, and after what she pulled with her grandma, she won't take decision for the two of them without talking about it first with the boy. If he keeps his words about doing it together, Richie will too: it means that she can't tell Madeleine the truth, even if she would agree on covering them.
"He made your life terrible. He made you go through hell at school. And who was always next to you?" just because it's a rhetorical question doesn't mean Richie doesn't try to answer. Her friend cut her, though. " Me . I was the one fixing what he broke on purpose. And now you're marrying him? Is he forcing you? This is completely out of nowhere and I can't-"
" No " Richie attempts and leans back, when Madeleine steps forward. Both their eyes widened, surprised, and if Richie tries to not let her friend believe she's scared of the sudden movement, the other doesn't let her angry mask leave her face. Understably, but it hurts. "He's not forcing me doing anything"
"Why on earth are you marrying him, then" Madeleine keeps asking, moving her hand to underline her thoughts. "What happened? How? When ?! Because I feel like I have just be thrown into your life without even knowing you"
"I know what he did to me" Richie whisper and, no , she can't really forget and even less forgive: this marriage doesn't mean she will simply move on and will be able to look at Rafe and don't see the child and then the teenager that made her school years how Madeleine just described them, a living hell. Just because Richie made Rafe and people's words a life lesson, doesn't make every alright. Rafe has been a bad person and just because he kept his mouth shut in the last months, the ones after dropping out of college, or maybe even since Christmas holidays, doesn't mean Richie suddenly believed he wanted to make amends. For what she knows about him, he probably doesn't give a shit about what he did, or does, hurting people. But, again, this is a marriage for pure convenience and Richie is a woman that can see past feelings when it comes to business: marrying Rafe won't give just her parents (and his) something to be proud of her, so she can feel better in a very twisted unhealthy way, it will give her family wealth, materially and socially, will bond the families together and will make their emperors stronger. Richie has plans for the future of her family business and marrying Rafe means they can be more concrete: the Camerons have many resources, not just economical -which is the last thing that Richie needs from the boy, because she can afford whatever she wants- but places, people, ways of work out of her path. That's why she lies to Madeleine again. "But sometimes people apologize and others believe them, because they seem sincere. I wanted to believe Rafe and here I am"
"When exactly this happened" Madeleine asks.
"The beginning of the year. After Christmas and then New Year Eve, we-" Richie swallows, interrupting her lie she sees Madeleine face paints in disbelief. "I'm sorry for not telling you"
"Why didn't you?"
"I knew you wouldn't have liked it" and when the girl's mouth opens in what seems like a protest, Richie's arms move to indicate that exact moment. "Can you blame me?"
Richie feels dirty .
"Yes, I can blame you" Madeleine insists, but takes a step backwards. "If you told me months ago, hey, Mads, maybe I'm falling in love with Rafe Cameron of all the people I would help you figure it out"
"So you could have convinced me to not-" the words stuck in Richie's throat, unable for a moment to say them aloud, it never occurred to her that though, but now she has to face them. Madeleine rolls her dark eyes. "Fall in love with him"
The other scoff, the betrayal still painted all over her face. "I wouldn't-"
Richie thinks it fair, but it doesn't stop her from saying her next words. "You would have. You're a good friend, but I'm not stupid. He had a crush on you in school and despite both of you being popular, very attractive and very rich, you never thought he was worth your time-"
"Because popularity, attractiveness and wealth aren't everything, when you're a classist asshole"
Richie ignores her, even though she agrees. "So you would have tried to stop me. From liking him. For the same reasons" a pause. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn't have tried to change my mind if I would have came up to you and telling you I was falling in love with him"
There is a moment of pause that from Madeleine sounds like a confirmation and gives Richie time to feel bad for the way she's lying. Partially, because if her story would be true, she knows that's exactly what Madeleine would have done: trying to stop Richie from getting involved with someone like Rafe.
"I would have accepted it" the other answers, but it's weak. "Eventually"
And that's all they tell each other that night, in which they should have danced and had fun, instead it ends with Madeleine walking away and Richie not able to hold her tears anymore. They fall down her cheeks silently, like they are scared to make too much noise, because Richie doesn't cry in front of others and certainly she doesn't do it aloud. She learned to, as a matter of surviving. Which is the same reason why she hears someone walking behind her and, as a ghost, she slips away, down the hallway. Her office, on the opposite side of the resort from where she hopes the party is still going well, it's a safe place. It's a bubble of comfort, she has snacks, cigarettes and peace as she sits on a chair in her small terrace, with a view of the ocean that it's dark. It scares Richie during the day, it scares her at night, but it's fascinating anyway as the pale moon makes the calm water shine. She doesn't stay alone for much, not even the time for a whole cigarette and a mess of thoughts that keeps getting messier, when she hears someone behind her: she turns, not sure about who it is, and she doesn't give Rafe the time to show herself surprised, because she's turning off what's left of her cigarette on the nearest ashtray and dry her tears while doing so. She hopes he doesn't notice it.
"What do you want" she asks, the kindness in her voice gone, broken by the cry she was letting herself go and by the anger she's feeling just knowing Rafe is near her. He sees the tears badly dried in her cheeks, but doesn't say anything, as he leans against the frame of the door leading back inside from the balcony. She looks straight to the water in front of her, purposely ignoring him.
"See how you are doing" he says, not really like it should be obvious, in his voice uncertainty.
"I'm doing fine" Richie assures and her hands squeeze in fists, lying on her lap. "As you can see"
"You look like shit" it's his answer and Richie laughs quietly at that, knowing it's probably the nervousness acting for her. Before she can add anything to her hysterical laugh, he walks towards her and, without asking for permission, he falls on the chair next to her. He gets himself comfortable, she keeps not looking at him, but he does look at her and probably her hardness is what makes him blur his next words. "I'm sorry"
Her head turns abruptly, swallowing when her eyes meet him in the partial darkness of the night. She doesn't ask about what and she has the feeling that, if she'd ask him to explain what he's referring to, he won't tell her: though, he keeps his stare in hers and she knows .
"You shouldn't listen to conversations that you're not supposed to hear" Richie tells him, looking for a relaxed attitude, when she gets back to the view in front of them. It's a weak attempt. "It's rude"
Rafe ignores her. "And I never had a crush on Madeleine"
Richie's eyes narrow. "I don't care"
"I know" he tells quietly, in the corner of her eye, she sees him fidgeting with his golden ring. "I was just trying to make it clear because everyone always thinks I like someone just because they are hot-"
"Well, it's your fault, isn't it?" Richie asks, clearly remembering how easily he flirted with everyone rich and pretty. Never pushing himself too further, which was the reason why she always thought he did it for his own sake. The fear of rejection, in Madeline's case, now she's not sure anymore. "You always flirted with her. You invited Martha Graham to last year prom and she's really beautiful-"
"If arguing all the time for you it's flirting, I flirted with you too. In the last couple of years, at least" Rafe tells her, like it's obvious, but Richie doesn't think he's being sincere. She saw the way he looked at Madeleine, like everyone else looked at her friend, and she was sure Rafe never reserved such a stare to her. A doubt grows in her, though. What if she saw too much in his eyes when he looked at Madeleine? "About Martha, she asked me to prom and, yeah, she is hot and all, but it ended after that night. I wouldn't have invited her, but she did before I could have think of someone"
"So you just told her yes?"
He shrugs. "It was convenient"
"You do a lot of things out of convenience"
Rafe smirks and looks at Richie, unable to hold back hers, when their eyes meet. "I wouldn't have asked her to marry me"
She pretends to be amused, now, but she's not sure. "Why not"
He shrugs. "She would have thought I was in love with her or something, and at that point it would have been impossible to get rid of her"
"Maybe you would have fallen in love with her, after all" Richie suggests quietly and she opens the pack of cigarettes and takes one from the last remaining. After a moment of pondering, she throws the box to Rafe, as a quiet offer, that he catches easily. "Would it be impossible?"
Rafe watches Richie lift her stick with a lighter, admiring her face enlightened by the fire, as he waits for his turn. "Impossible. She doesn't have a personality. What would I fall in love with?"
For a moment Richie stays quiet and Rafe isn't sure she's gonna say anything at all, as they both enjoy the nicotine and feel their lungs burn. Then, he hears her taking a breath. Though, she takes another moment to herself. "Are we really doing it?"
"Yeah. We are" Rafe mutters and looks in front of her. He frowns. "Are you-are you having second thoughts?"
Richie snorts, but smiles, as she inhales from the cigarette. "What would you say"
"I'd say yes, yeah" he mutters, exhaling and matching her breath. "I know I made things difficult during the past years. With you first and then with Madeleine, but she's gonna come around and eventually accept it"
"Maybe she shouldn't accept it" Richie mutters, but sounds like she's talking more to herself than Rafe. "But I'm gonna talk to her again and see if she can try to not sabotage this marriage. Or try to cut your head off the first time she gonna see you"
"Thanks"
"You don't deserve it"
"Yeah, I can imagine" he mutters and he repeats: "When I said I'm sorry, I was-"
"Let's not talk about it, okay?" Richie asks and he almost protests, when he sees her extremely serious face avoiding him and nods. After several moments, souls are getting more relaxed and they finish their cigarettes in peace, getting rid of them in the nearby ashtray. It's Richie who breaks the silence again and even her tone is different, now, almost chill which is a paradox because she looks tired. "We will have to kiss, touch, show physical affection"
He laughs lowly, more because he didn't think she would have been the one bringing it up. "Are you realizing it now?"
Her eyes widen when she glances at him, he smirks. "Yeah? Did you think about it?"
"Sure" he answers as it isn't a big deal. "Before asking you the second time, I've analyzed the whole marriage things in all its part"
"Oh" she whispers and she feels stupid for not having think of it before, or for having told him just now. Her mouth opens and closes, many times, before she finds the courage to say her next words. "Want to kiss?"
Rafe's head snaps after her question, but Richie isn't still looking so she registers it in the corner of her eyes, purposely admiring the ocean. When he doesn't answer and contemplates her options to get out of that shameful situation as best as she can, she throws him a glance and decides for the truth soaked in coldness. "Don't make any idea, it's just for practical purposes. Better if the first time it's not in front of our families, I'm gonna die, if we aren't believable"
The boy swallows, but he's already standing from his deckchair and walking toward hers. His voice is the steadiest Richie has ever heard. "Sure. Why not"
She crosses her legs in front of her and adjusts her dress in a way that doesn't stop her movements, as he takes a seat in front of the girl and opens his legs from both sides of the chair. He looks at Richie. "You sure?"
"It's just a kiss, Rafe" she tells him. "We're not gonna have a realization about out feelings like we are in The Proposal or something"
"Haven't seen that movie" he tells her.
"I'll add it you to watch list, considering your habit of asking people to marry you just for convenience purposes" she mutters and he's about to protest, ready to say it's not an habit if he did just once and he's not planning to turn Richie in the first of a long list, when she she interrupts him by pressing her lips over his his.
For a moment, they froze, but just because they would have laughed if anyone would have told them that they would have sit in her private balcony, out of her office, engaged and kissing like kids that didn't spend all their childhood disliking each other. I still dislike him, no matter how many kisses we're gonna exchange , Richie reminds herself, but shutting her eyes closed when Rafe presses his lips more against hers. They part for him, he gets himself comfortable as he always does, arrogantly, when someone is welcoming to him and he thinks it's owed to him. When his tongue brushes her bottom lip in a principle of caress, Richie pushes away, holding herself away from a fraction of second, before she kisses the corner of Rafe's lips and moves until his are the ones parting this time and she's the one leading the way. When she thinks he's gonna protest for the lack of power she's letting him have, he follows her with complaints. Actually, his head bends more and Richie takes it as an invitation to get herself comfortable, slipping one of her hands on the nape of his neck and pulling him closer. She barely registers his hand moving from her crossed legs and up to her thighs, covered by the green dress that her grandma insulted without shame. They plant on her hip, she feels that, and she answers by pulling him closer, even though their lips are already melting into each other and their noses keep touching.
No one of them hears steps approaching, until someone clears their throat and they jump in surprise. Wheezie smiles like she's over the moon, as her brother and now sister in law looks at her like she's an alien, breath frantic.
"When dad and Rose told me, I was skeptical, but I'm not anymore after this" the little girl tells, eyes slipping back and forth between Rafe and Richie. She's amused, but she softens her voice and expression when she sees the two aren't gonna say anything, too tangled into what they were doing a moment before. "They sent me to check everything was alright after you disappeared. Kat was worried-"
"Everything it's fine" Rafe tells her sister abruptly, but it's not rude. Not wanting to look at him, Richie keeps her stare into Wheezie and smiles to underline his words.
"Fine" she repeats, between a short breath and another.
"I can see" the younger mutters, then she points to her back, to the room behind her and generally to the party. "I'll go tell them that. But don't disappears again, or they'll send me her again and-"
"Yeah" Richie assures Wheezie and Rafe sees her smile to his sister. "We're coming"
"Okay, then" the younger takes a step backwards, but after another look at the two in front of her, she can't help but add: "That's super cool, by the way".
Richie's heart aches at Wheezie's jovial expression and she barely hears Rafe thanking her, but also telling the kid to go away now. Wheezie leaves with a laugh and Richie falls back into her chair, finally looking at Rafe. He holds her stare, sure she's gonna say something about the kiss. She doesn't.
"We're gonna break their hearts, when they'll find out" she confides and her eyes are steady, but lucid.
"That's why they are not gonna find out" he answers, standing from the end of the deckchair and the other looks up at him. "Let's keep it between us, okay? No one, Richie, I'm serious, just me and you"
She nods, sure that she won't be the one to tell anyone -shame would overcome her and she's not ready for that- but dubious about a mistake, or someone finding out taunts her mind. He invites her to stand as well, so they can leave and avoid seeing Wheezie appear again. When Richie is standing in front of Rafe, they keep their mouths shut for a moment and it's a heavy one, until the girl's slips away from his personal space and gains her own.
-
"We thought we should discusse a share of each other business-"
" No "
The table falls silent, every eye on Richie, except Rafe's, whose smile is the only thing that distracts Ward Cameron from the flat abrupt answer that his son's future wife just gave him.
Richie expected a meeting like that, all the Gardners and the Camerons around the same table, now that they are finally officially tied to each other -or almost - but she hoped she had more time to see it happen. Instead, they are all sitting in her house garden, under the hot sun of those summer days in light clothes and jovial smiles, during the first lunch after Kat's engagement party. Richie apologized to her sister the night before, for dropping the news of her and Rafe's wedding during an event that should have been just for the older Gardner and her fiancé. Kat just smiled and kissed her head, I hope you're happy she whispered and Richie swore she was. That's all that matters then .
She cried a bit the previous night after that, after her sister's sweet words, as Richie questioned all her and Rafe's choices. Eventually she fell asleep, eyes red, already knowing what kind of day was waiting for her and what she would have dealt with. Her mom's joy, her dad's long glances, Wards and Rose's long but calculated hugs. What she didn't expect was Rafe's light, gentle, greeting kiss on her temple, as he squeezed her neck and watched his sisters being welcomed by Richie's parents with honey and love . She would have dared to say that his gesture was a reassuring one, but she got distracted before she had the chance to overanalyze it, when Sarah made a joke about Rafe and he visibly grew nervous. While the two bickered back and forth, Richie couldn't help but notice her dad and Ward exchanging whispered words, in their own world as usual. Just because Richie expected that too, though, doesn't mean that she likes what they are now proposing to her and that she's gonna agree: she's doing a lot of things to please the people around the table, even before herself, but she's not gonna share her family business and society with the Camerons.
Everyone is looking at her, clearly not expecting her to give such abrupt confident answers. On the other hand, Rafe's the only one smiling, because that exact morning told his dad to not push himself too further with that partnership, but did the older Cameron hear what his son had said? Rafe doubted about it and now he sees the glance he's serving his older kid -annoyed, maybe even scolding- before getting back to Richie.
"It could be a good deal, guys" Noah tells them, as Rosie drinks her white wine, too interested in the conversation.
"Maybe we should give them time to think about it" Richie's mom suggests and her daughter looks at her, not really surprised that she is the diplomatic one. The younger of her daughters pours herself some Coca Cola, because she hates wine, and drinks from her glass, before interrupting Ward that is agreeing with Grace.
"No" the younger repeats and Wheezie blinks behind her big glasses. "I don't want to share a society with Rafe. We won't think about it, because I don't agree"
"Rachel-" Noah starts and the tone is a serious, warning one.
"There are two people in this relationship" Ward makes Richie notice and it's clear what his stare is stating when he looks to his son again and, suddenly, happens what Rafe had predicted and didn't want to. Ward is telling side with me without the need to use words, but the boy's eyes unvolutary slips to the person sitting next to him at the table, whose eyes are doing the same exact thing. They are getting married to please their families, but he knows he have to stick with Richie if they want to make it work and she seems really determined to keep her position. He can guess why.
"We'll talk about it" he exhales in the end, watching Richie's expression paint in an expression similar to a betrayal. He doesn't think he ever saw her do that to him, because she never needed to: usually they have always been in two very different positions, one against the other. Then, Rafe turns toward the adults. "But if Richie is still gonna say no, we won't"
He's sure she's gonna protest right there, sitting at the table full of empty plates and full stomach, but before he can kick her leg and ask her to shut up for everyone's sake, Sarah interrupts.
"So that's exactly what it needed for Rafe to learn his place?" she asks. "A girlfriend? If I knew, I would have set him up with someone a long time ago"
"Please, spare us" the boy tells his sister and narrows his eyes, playing nervously with the handle of the fork in his empty plate. "You're not even funny"
"I thought we would talk about the wedding" Wheezie complains, interrupting his siblings' annoying exchange, and Richie finds herself glad that someone is stopping the two. Usually it can be even amusing or enlightening, but if she's gonna hear Rafe and Sarah any longer today, when her nerves are already under pressure, she's gonna snap.
"Marriage has many aspects" Rose tells her younger step daughter and smiles at her, gesture that the girl doesn't reply back. The she drops the bomb. "Economical too. You'll understand when you'll eventually grow up and get married"
"Nothing Sarah has to worry about since she's gonna end up marrying a Pogue" Rafe tells everyone, but Wheezie in particular, and the middle sibling snorts to his words. "They'll end up living on the Château, best scenario. Worst? His falling apart boat"
"That's really classist" Michael tells Rafe, sitting in front of him, and Richie almost forgot about him there, but Kat too. The man is really quiet, everyone suspects because he's one of those people that always think they're gonna disturb others, but Kat is easily falling for his quiet behavior. "I'm sure he's a nice guy, that will share with your sister what they'll need"
"Thank you, Michael" Sarah answers, throwing Rafe a glance that says see, he's a nice guy, you should learn. Her brother makes a face.
"He's an idiot" Rafe says. "Would have been dozen or more of people from The Cut better than him"
"I like John B" Ward says from the other side of the table and Rose nods to his words, as his husband refers to her daughter's new boyfriend. "And I like Richie. No reason to put one against the other"
Rafe next to Richie snorts, she knows his little childish fight with Sarah just turned into something bigger by the redness of his cheeks.
"Rafe-" Richie mutters and she has this bone deep feeling that this isn't even about her, it's about him and his dad, and his stare is so loud that for a moment she thinks he didn't hear her. Eventually, he lets his dad's challenging stare and look at her, he refrains from the need to roll his eyes and doesn't see Richie look past him, once he turns pretending forced disinterest.
Now, she has never been antagonistic to Ward Cameron, but the way she holds his glacial eyes without even blinking, unafraid, says that they might have a problem if the man is gonna have more to say about Rafe and this marriage than he's allowed to. Rafe is a pain in the ass, he's exactly what Michael called him and it's easy to turn on when a fight appears at the horizon, but Ward can be worse.
"Can we talk about the other aspects of the wedding?" Wheezie asks and it's an obvious attempt to let tension go and change the topic for good. "Like the dress. Can I come for the choice of the dress?"
"Sure you can" Grace assures the kid, while Richie's stomach protests at the thought of going shopping, but even more at the thought of going shopping with people staring at her. She likes to go alone, or with Madeleine, who usually doesn't insist if Richie doesn't like something and tells her she doesn't even want to get out of the changing room. But now Madeleine is avoiding Richie like she's the plague, reading texts and ignoring them, so the future bride is pretty sure she's not gonna show up to her invitation to go pick out a wedding dress in two days. "Kat is gonna wear the one that was mine, so we didn't go anywhere to pick a new one, but we can go with Richie to pick hers"
"Cool. Cool " Wheezie smiles to herself and drinks from her glass of Coca Cola and ice, now surely melted.
"Richie, honey. And Rafe, of course" Grace calls and both their heads turn simultaneously, eyes surprised because the tone the girl's mom is using is particularly sugar-coated and both of them have a bad feeling about it. "Me and dad talked about it this morning with Kat and Michael and they agreed. The Camerons think it's a good idea as well and-"
"What it is about, mom" Richie mutters, looking to her sister for support, but facing not just a smile, but a bright one that gives the younger shivers. Back to her mom, she feels her heart aching.
"We thought you might get married the same day as Kat and Michael" Noah ends instead of his wife, stretching one hand to grab his older daughter's and at the same time smiling at Richie on the other side of the table. The younger's mouth opens and closes, thinking that it's worse than what she would have considered and imagining already her next to Kat, white dresses, one always shining more than the other. She's not the one, usually.
Again , since Rafe's first proposal, she feels the need to throw up as a sort of cathartic act.
Again , she refrains herself from doing so, but she gets ready to refuse, categorically, when Rafe anticipates her answer.
"Can we-can we think about it?"
-
"You're making their lives very difficult" Rafe announces himself after lunch, when Ward and Noah are already excluding themselves from any other conversation for their business bubble, Sarah left to go to her boyfriend's place and Richie ignored what the others started to do, when she excused herself for a moment and left her chair at the table. She ignored Kat's frowning stare and went for the back garden, looking desperately for a pack of cigarettes left somewhere around the porch and its coffee tables, or the wooden under the windows. She found nothing, so she sits restless on the stairs that lead to the garden with the pool and her mom's winter garden and watches as a bee flies around their bright Hortenses. She doesn't even turn, when Rafe approaches.
"They're masters of complicating mine" she tells him, feeling him always closer, until he reaches her same step and sits. He's wearing a well ironed shirt, his hair blonder under the sun than they usually are and his eyes are a bright blue. He makes a face, when she looks at him and purses her lips.
"I know, but we're also gonna marry to make them happy" he tells her, for once weirdly unsure. "What's the point of getting married because of them, and then not doing what they want us to do"
"Because the fact that we are getting married for them it's already a big sacrifice, don't you think?"
"Technically, they didn't ask us to" Rafe makes her notice, but she gives him a hard stare and he rolls his eyes. "Okay. Are we gonna tell them no about everything?"
"Absolutely yes" Richie answers, simple as that. The sighs and the change in her mood is so visible and clear, that Rafe is surprised. "Hey, do you have smoke?"
He opens his mouth, eyebrows lifted in surprise after the question, but then he closes it and nods. She doesn't even thank him when she serves herself and steals the lighter appearing from the pocket of his dark trouser without waiting for him to give it to her. He follows her example and turns on his own cigarette, inspiring, when she's already exhaling a cloud of smoke.
"About the shares" she starts, voice pitched, but frowning to herself. "It's not like I don't want us to work together, I do, I have some ideas too that we could work together on. It's just that we can make better deals, no need to buy shares from each other's companies" she stops for a moment, looking at Rafe to see his reaction. He doesn't look her way, doesn't blink. He waits for her to keep talking, as he smokes. "We could open a shared account, both names, and put our money there. It will be easy when we'll divorce"
Richie says it moving the hand holding the cigarette a bit too frantically and Rafe tries to remember when was the last time he saw Richie like that: she seems drunk, like when people drink too much and they can't stop talking, finding everything amusing and being loud, because they don't want to be sad. But Rafe saw Richie drinking anything but Coca Cola, so he knows she's not drunk, but just a lot nervous. Last time she got that close to this state was when he walked to her office and asked to marry him -again- but back then she was less talkative, less open, far more scared.
He doesn't say anything and her frown grows deeper. "You know why I don't want to, don't you? What's mine is mine, what's yours is yours and I want to keep it this way. My sister left the business to me and I'm the only heir and you-'' a pause and a sigh. "Sarah probably will do the same. Wheezie is still very young. We might be the only ones leading our companies, don't you want to have yours all to yourself?"
Her eyes are big and sincere, as she looks at him like he needs to hear this and agree with her. Rafe doesn't think it happened once, since they know each other, that she leaned on him like that.
"Do you trust me more with your money than a share that will probably be so small to not give me power over nothing?" he asks, like he's not sure he understands. Not fully, at least.
"Money comes and goes, Rafe" she tells him, but he still doesn't seem sure and a thought appears in Richie's mind. "Will you have problems with managing our money?"
He answers too fast, too abruptly, so he's the one giving himself away telling Richie he's, in fact, lying. "No"
"Liar" the girl accuses him and he sighs, when she corners him with a hard stare. "Can you at least be honest with me? Like, for real. We have to deal with this shit together and if you're gonna make this hard, I swear-"
"You're so dramatic, did someone ever tell you that?" when Richie doesn't answer, but gives him a long challenging glance as she takes a drag, Rafe sighs. "Sometimes I tend to use them for things I shouldn't, but I can manage them. Don't worry"
From the tone of the admission, Richie thinks that probably it's costing him everything to tell aloud, so she wonders how difficult it must be for him to tell it to her. Or maybe to anyone, because she's sure he's not someone that allows himself to look vulnerable or wrong, human . She gets that, she doesn't like others seeing crying, considering it as a sign of weakness she doesn't want others to take advantage of.
"Drugs?" Richie dares to ask, slowly, lowly, like she's scared he's gonna run away. He doesn't, but he doesn't answer either. "I'm sure I should tell I'll help you-"
"Don't" Rafe mutters and breathes smoke in. "Don't tell me that. I don't need it, I'll manage okay?"
"Rafe-"
"Just because we're getting married doesn't mean we are friends" Rafe tells her and his voice is serious, like it doesn't have space for argument. "We're partners now - business partners- and I'm telling you that money won't be a problem, I'll deal with it myself"
Richie's jaw squeezes. "It's not reassuring"
"Trust me with this, or trust me with a share" he tells her glacially and she looks at him, like he's another person, not the same he was talking about a moment before. The image of Rafe snorting coke at a party appears in mind, it gives her nausea. "It's up to you"
"Is it a threat?" but if she meant to sound challenging, she fails, Rafe notices it because his eyes find hers and for a moment there's just silence.
"It's me giving you two options" he shrugs and, unable to bear her stare longer, he looks between his feet. "My dad will be pleased with you accepting what he proposed and it will be better for me too, but if you prefer to share an account and make this way-" he shrugs again. "We will. Just don't get paranoid over it"
Rafe it's a wall. Richie hears him talking and she knows he won't accept a word out of her mind about this topic, if she keeps bringing drugs up. Though, it scares her, because she knows that if Rafe is not gonna manage his growing addiction, it won't be just a problem about their money once married, it will be also for his own health and her safety. She saw him high, he gets angry and paranoid, he gets in fights easily because he gets on the defensive from the whole world and just because he never hurt her -physically- doesn't mean that the thought doesn't cross her mind.
The coke it's what she guesses it's a recent habit, they have been classmates since the early days and all he got high with in high school was weed. She found him once smoking a joint in a janitor closet and blackmailed him after that, but he smoked with her at parties too, sometimes in the same circle, sometimes not, but it was always just marijuana. Coke was a step Rafe started taking in the last couple of months, Richie guessed college, because it wasn't something she ever saw him doing in high school. Now, she can just hope it's really a relatively recent habit that he'll be able to shut down. She also asks herself if she should do more, but her question stays unanswered.
"Fine" she says in the end and exhales nicotine. "Just don't screw up"
"Have a little faith" Rafe scoffs, but Richie knows he's bluffing.
They fall silent, quiet, when they have questions, thoughts, ideas going through their minds, but they don't share them because it's easier to simply sit and smoke as a copy mechanism for the argument they just had. Cool it down. Usually, fights were an everyday event back to school days, but now lately they got along more than they like to admit, due to the whole marriage thing. It makes them nervous without them telling aloud, but it worked as a glue like no project in high school has ever been able to.
They finish their cigarettes and Richie pushes an ashtray found nearby towards Rafe, placing it between the two of them: he uses it, glancing at her as he does so.
"So" he starts and clears his throat when. Richie blinks, waiting for him to keep talking. When Rafe stops pouting, he looks up at her at the same moment in which the sun of that hot day enlightens her figure, skin pale as milk and full of freckles covering her like the stars cover the sky. "What about the wedding? The whole let's get married with Kat and her defensor-of-the-poor husband? "
"My answer is no" Richie tells him and closes an eye against the sunlight that is blinding her. "And I know yours is no too"
A short laugh, mixed to an amused scoff. "You don't know that"
"You and your family can't live out of the spotlight, Rafe" she reminds him and he rolls his eyes at her words. "Look at me, in the eyes, and tell me you want to share your wedding day with someone else"
"It's not like it's our, you know, big day or something" he mutters, but when Richie gives him a knowing look, one that says liar again, he sighs. "Fine. You're right. I don't want to get marry with your sister and his boyfriend"
"Was it so difficult to admit?" she asks and then she's already forgetting about it, sighing about something else. "Did you think we would have married so fast?"
They exchange a glance, a heavy one, before the boy shrugs.
"No?" it comes out like a question out of Rafe's mouth. "I mean, thinking about it, I'm asking myself if it isn't better. What's the point of waiting? And I'm not talking just about us, it's a very general thought: sometimes couples need a whole year or more of preparations. Unless it's for major reasons, I don't see the point"
"They want it to be perfect" she whispers, like it's a secret.
"Wouldn't you be more excited about the thought of starting your life with someone as fast as you can, than picking the perfect dress? Or choosing the perfect decorations?" Rafe asks and Richie sits there, in silence, looking at him clearly avoiding her stare as a light blush colors his cheeks. She would have mocked him for it in another situation, but not now, his speech makes a point and is sweet. She never thought that the day in which she would have looked at Rafe and thought of the word sweet next to his name, would have come. But here it is. "Don't get me wrong. I like big, fancy, parties, especially when they celebrate me. But a whole year seems a lot when you can get marry to the person you love the day after"
Her lips purse, a bit unsure about Rafe's speech because she's maybe seeing it: the romanticism, the sweeteners, that Rafe always hides. And it doesn't make her uncomfortable, no, it makes her uneasy . When she talks, her voice cracks. "For the same reason, shouldn't you want to -I don't know- marry me as late as you can?"
"Not really, no" he answers flatly, but his face frowns. "Now, getting married can help us not have second thoughts. I didn't think we would have married this summer, maybe after that, but you mom proposing to get married in -what?- September, gave me something to think about. September isn't that bad"
"It's really close"
"I know" Rafe smiles at Richie, like she's a child all of a sudden and she says something sweet, something naive. Before anyone can say anything, Rafe's expression changes like he just remembered something and, under Richie's focused stare, he looks for something on the chest pocket of his white shirt. His mom's ring comes out, unboxed and shining under the sunlight. "I was forgetting it"
Richie swallows, when Rafe offers it to her and the little diamonds reflect the light in many colors. "Are you sure?"
"Are you sure?"
The question is simple, one that Richie should already have the answer to, considering how further they moved in less than twenty four hours. Last night she thought that Rafe and his marriage proposal were water under the bridge and in a couple of hours she found herself in a relationship, engaged, ready to get married before she had ever considered. Now, she looks at the ring and she feels transported back to her office, days prior, almost a week, when Rafe proposed the second time and reality crashed over her. The first time, back to midsummer, he could have been drunk, just tipsy, maybe high, but the second he was clearly lucid and it scared her. Like the ring scares Richie now, seeming heavier than it actually is.
"We'll have to, you know-" Rafe's eyes are expectant, as she talks. "Buy an house and move in together, kissing in public and hold hand, hear people ask us when we will have a kid, going to each other's family dinner-"
"I know" Rafe tells her seriously. "But I'm not gonna have kids"
"God, no " Richie exhales, shivers down her spine at the thought of having a child with Rafe, or with anyone, actually. Motherhood is another thing she gave for granted growing up, because others -society- always tell young girls that it's a step closer to becoming adults: but Richie isn't sure it's for her, having a child to look out for and taking the responsibility of another life. She wants to leave it to someone else, especially now that surely she's not gonna have one with Rafe. "We'll have very separate rooms when we'll move in together. But people will ask. And we'll have to do all those things -pretending- for a while. It can be years, Rafe, until we'll move on to someone we like more than pleasing our families"
He shrugs, ring still in hand and displays for her to pick it up. When he doesn't know what to say, because she's right, but he's not even sure she's having second thoughts or wants him to have them, he closes his hand with the ring in his palm. In a moment, as he pulls himself away, she pushes hers toward him, showing him her empty fingers and moving them in a clear invitation of sliding the ring on the right one. He looks up and blinks in a silent question, when she nods.
"Okay" he whispers, opening his palm again and showing his mom's ring. "If it fits, you'll have to eventually put it away for a couple of days, so they'll believe I didn't lie last night about making it adjusted"
"Yeah, sure" she interrupts, in her voice Rafe hears what? A bit of excitement? He hides the surprise and cracks a smile to himself.
The ring slides perfectly in Richie's finger ring.
-
The day of the fit of the dress is a nightmare.
Richie is an avid compulsive buyer, she admits it, but usually she doesn't go with a group of people following her, waiting for her and judging every single piece of cloth she puts on. She has a whole room full of clothes next to her bedroom, which sometimes makes her feel bad for buying things that she doesn't always need, but the feeling of picking something that results nice for her is pleasing. The thing, though, is that usually she's alone when she goes around shops and spending hours picking dresses, deciding what's okay and what not, having a stressful cry in the fitting room if it's a bad day, or not caring if she can't find anything looking decent if it's a good day. A lot of the time, through the years, the only person with her was Madeleine, just her and her patience that, now, while Richie sits on a small stool with a horrible white dress on, isn't present. Richie misses Madeleine: she's a bit mad with her, but at the same time the future bride can't help but understand her best friend's point of view. Humanly speaking, Rafe is the worst pick to fall in love with, but also to improvvise an arranged marriage, but Richie knows it's a good one for business.
But Madeleine doesn't know that, she thinks Richie is suddenly, unbelievably, in love with him and, well, can Richie blame her? They talked shit about him since the early school days, growing together but apart, never forgiving him for being such a dick . Now, a voice in Richie's head insists that Madeleine should have shown up, because you would have gone, in switched place .
While crying, alone in the dressing room, Richie tries to shut that thought away. She lost count of the many dresses she wore already, some she liked, some that the others liked. The latter have been the worst, because they didn't fit with her taste and, out of the changing room, she felt like making a fool of herself covers in white different textiles that made her look dumb. The one she's wearing now, three hours later, is one suggested by Rose and the more Richie looks at it -big tulle gown, corset so tight she's scared that all paillettes are gonna explode in someone's face- the more she thinks she looks like an wedding favor. She hates it and she hated every single one she put one, before stripping it off.
A knock at the door shakes her from her state, when clearly someone waits for her to answer and invites whoever is behind to come in. She doesn't do it straight away, she dries her cheeks and asks for a moment, hoping to lose the redness in her eyes that indicate she has been crying.
"Come in" the girl mutters, but the person behind the door hears anyway and Richie is sure to see the nice girl has been helping her the whole morning around the shop, but she's surprised to see Kat smiling politely.
"Richie-" she starts, when she realizes that her sister has been crying and now it's masking it. She doesn't bring it up, what comes in and closes the door at her back. "I know it's stressful-"
"You don't know that" Richie answers, maybe harsher than she meant, but, really, she would bet that Kat wouldn't look that ridiculous with such a ridiculous dress. She didn't even have to go through this phase, because she simply put on their mom's wedding dress from the 80s and a dressmaker made sure to make it fit with both Kat and the twenty one century. It was an already nice dress, but when the features that called the old years have been resized so Richie's sister wouldn't have looked like she was in a Madonna's music video, it looked even nicer. Richie isn't jealous that Kat is gonna use it, because she wants to think that, if she would have been the first getting married, she would have been the one to inherit it. She hopes, at least. "Sorry"
"No need to be" Kat tells, genuinely okay with her sister's tone. She gets close, wrapped into a white and blue flower dress and sits next to Richie. "Is it because of the dresses, or because Madeleine isn't here?"
The younger one shakes her head, but she also shrugs. She's telling her I don't know . "Both. I guess"
"Mmm" Kat murmurs and an arm slips gently around Richie's back, wrapping her with sister like a blanket, as she caresses her sister arm in slow sweet movements. "About the dress, you're just stressed and it's normal. I bet is stressful to get in and out those mortal traps every time-"
"They are so heavy" Richie complains, voice broken like she did when she was younger and Kat was always next to her, licking Richie's wounds like the good big sister she is. Even when the younger one sounded like a spoiled kid, she never missed being gentle with Richie.
"I can imagine" Kat whispers and then she looks up to the mirror in front of them, asking her sister to do the same. "But maybe it's also because we are forcing you to try something that has nothing to do with you. How many dresses did you pick and try because you liked them?" Richie doesn't try to answer, she knows it's rhetorical. "Barely a few. You wore almost exclusively the ones we suggested and look at you now, looking like a Rose Cameron in all this tulle and a giant veil. Is it yours, or ours wedding?"
"Mine?" it comes out like a question.
"Yours" Kat squeezes Richie's arm and looks at her sister intensely in her eyes, suddenly frowning. Maybe it's even unvolutary. "I want you to be happy. Are you happy, Richie?"
She thinks about it and the answer isn't yes , but no either. She's getting married to a man she doesn't love, she's in a constant perennial state of competition with everyone around her and her best friend hates her for both the things, without even knowing it.
"I'm working on it" she answers in the end and takes a breath.
"That's the spirit" Kat smiles, genuinely, like she's proud of Richie, but the younger one rejects this thought straight away. There's a long pause after that. "And forgive Madeleine if she can't seem to get over whatever is going on between the three of you. She will, eventually, just be patient. She wants to see you happy too, I swear"
Richie nods, not sure what her sister predicted is the truth or not, but she doesn't ask for a confirmation. Silence falls upon them, until the younger notices how spaced out her sister looks all suddenly and feels like she's an intruder in a moment that isn't supposed to be for her.
"Are you okay?" Richie asks, careful with her tone and words.
"How did you know Rafe was the one?" Kat wonders, eyes still somewhere else, mind too. Her younger sister's mouth hangs open. Never knew , she just thinks of it.
-
On Saturday, Rafe proposes to Richie to go out together and it's less awkward than the girl would have thought. They sit together at one of the tables at the diner, the one where Richie would have usually gone with Madeleine, and they stay there for most of the night.
They pick the further seats from the door, from the big windows facing the street and, mostly, from curious stares. It's Richie that proposes it and Rafe agrees quite happily, but once seated, if someone notices them anyway, they don't know. They are so busy planning and scheming first and ordering more french fries than they are supposed to eat and talking about whatever comes to their mind then, that they lose track of space and time. They even laugh - genuinely - at something the other has said, which confuses them at first, before relaxing.
The night goes smoothly and Rafe pays for both of them, agreeing on Richie to do it the next time and sparing himself a speech about the fact that a woman can pay for a date, or at least split.
"Who said it was a date?" he asks, holding the door open for her with a casual relaxed gesture and following at Richie's heels right after. The night is humid and there aren't many people around, the street lamps barely enlighten the girl's face, but he knows the way her lips purses when she's embarrassed, so he can imagine the redness coloring her cheeks.
"You know what I meant" she mutters, adjusting the collar of her top, as she goes for the passenger seat.
Once inside, doors slammed shut, Rafe is tempted to answer with a cordial I know what you meant which actually means fake date , instead he stays silent for a moment and looks at the street in front of them. Richie does the same, when he whispers his next words and she's forced to turn and actually look at him.
"It was" he tells her, finally reciprocating Richie's attention and observing her in the passenger seat, nervous like she's under process. "A date. You can offer me the next one, if you want to"
-
Rafe has a weird meaning of we should hang out and show others that we're together too, because Richie thought it was a way to at least spend some time publicly together, instead they just walked inside a Figure Eight party house together, before he flew away and she had to do her social business.
She wasn't sure about going to that party, because she knew that once would have meant fun -music, weed, alcohol- while now it means stares. Tons of that.
The first when they got out of Rafe's car and walked through the front garden, then they just grew and grew, as people greeted them with hey, man, heard about the news to the boy and hi, Richie, how it happened usually accompanied with waves and winks. She's sure she heard someone ask Rafe Richie Gardner? Really? when they got inside and the music was already many levels higher, as they probably thought she couldn't hear, but she unvolutary looked over to Rafe and she saw him noticing her glance. Without an answer to whoever asked him that question, he just slipped his arm around her shoulders and walked away among bodies, more greetings and some silent stares. The gesture shook Richie a bit, because Rafe has a weird sense and timing for being touchy: he does very little, very briefly for a moment or two, before it is over, but when he does so, he does it like he means to be honest and her heart has a strange way to react to this. They kissed a couple of times after that first time at Kat's engagement party and Richie always tried to not think too much about the fact that they did it more when they were alone, than when they were in front of others. Whether they found themselves alone or with someone, it was usually Rafe the one showing signs of affection through innocent gestures or their making out sessions that she started to find pleasing somewhere after that first time. Richie thought it made sense that he tried to be more discreet with others around, considering that it wouldn't be appropriate to share long kisses in front of Ward Cameron, but the small action Rafe reserves her outside their private space -in the last days, her office during lunches, which doesn't feel that weird- never felt less honest. Richie considered Rafe to be a good actor.
Now, at least an hour after their arrival, she's serving herself a beer, him somewhere where she hopes he's not getting high on coke and music that seems higher moment after moment. Richie is moving her head to the rhythm of Dua Lipa, when she turns and comes face to face with Madeleine. Her long hair is tied in a braid, as she's wearing a nice red dress and no smile on her lip.
Though, she doesn't seem ready to fight, which pushes Richie to mutter a quiet "Hi" that isn't heard by the other, but read from her mouth.
"Hey" Madeleine says louder, a cup of something in her hand, before she blurts out her next words. "I'm sorry"
Richie blinks, surprised, before her eyes wide. Her heart turns upside down, containing an excited feeling she's been feeling a bit too much lately: paradoxically, the guilt that she thought would have taunted her like a shadow, after agreeing with marrying Rafe, appears just in specific moments, from time to time. Which doesn't mean she lives with herself easily, because when those moments of happiness happen and the guilt for what she's doing knocks at the door, she feels guilty for being able to enjoy some moment too.
"I'm sorry too" Richie answers in a rush, for lying to you . "For not telling you before. I should have, I just-"
"No, you were right" Madeleine interrupts and leaves her apparently empty cup on the nearest counter, as she lets a person pass between her body and Richie. The latter notices it's an old classmate from physics and both the girls see the glance the girl reserves for Richie: like she grew a third head, but maybe getting married to Rafe Cameron is worse. Before Madeleine can tell her to go away, the girl does it without need to be prompted, so the two friends are now alone again in a kitchen packed with people. "I would have made a drama out of it"
"It's Rafe, so-" Richie shrugs. "It would have been understandable"
"Yeah, it's Rafe" Madeleine says and purses her lips, before attempting a smile. Richie gets that, her best friend opening and apologizing, but still being unsure about what's going on. She appreciates the effort. "I should have tried to understand anyway, if you cared. He seems to, all sudden, but maybe it's just me that feels like it happened so fast"
No, it's not just you , Richie thinks but holds it for herself, as her mind flies to her white dress and Madeleine's eyes to the ring in Richie's finger, as she holds her cup of beer. She doesn't comment about how beautiful the object is, how many did in the past days in which the girl could finally bring it around. She is scared to lose it, but she also stares at it so many times during the day that probably it would be impossible.
"I should have come for the appointment to pick the dress" Madeleine continues and Richie thinks at the tears that rolled down her cheeks that day, anxious filling her chest for many things to count abs if she made out of there with decency was because of Kat. In the end, she found the dress, one that she chose and that had nothing to do with her mom's, or Rose's ones. It was more Richie's style, without heavy tulle, paillettes or intricated motives: it was simple, silk, elegant without trying to. When she showed it to everyone outside the changing room, her eyes turned lucid: everyone thought it was because it was the right one, when in reality Richie was just relieved, because she knew that beautiful dress was consoling her, telling that finally the day was over. "I thought about it the whole time and then Rafe came to me the other day-"
This catches Richie out of her mind, suddenly curious and surprised by the admission. The frown on her forehead tells Madeleine that she didn't know that particular. "He what?"
"We met at the caffetteria down the docks" the other explains, words left hanging, probably not sure about what she should say. In the end, she considers she doesn't owe Rafe any kind of loyalty. "He came to me and told me I was being insufferable and it was better if I made up my mind. Sounded like a threat-"
"Usual Rafe, then" Richie tells Madeleine, but it's nervous now, she's unsure about what to do with this news about the boy.
"Yeah, usual Rafe. Except he was trying to do something nice for once" the other admits like it's costing her everything . "He was the one that told me you would have been here, wouldn't have come without you"
"Oh"
"I have some difficulties understanding this thing between you two, but-" her shoulders lift. Surrendering. "But if it's what you want, I'll try to be on your side. I'm sorry I've already missed so much"
"It's fine" Richie assures and, in a brave moment, she stretches her hand towards Madeleine who instantly accepts it as an invitation and pulls her in. The hug feels like a push for Richie to let everything completely go, embraced by the only person that has always been able to catch up with her feelings and that knows how to act with every single one of them. She breathes Madeleine in and thinks how much she missed this, someone taking her inside their arms with nothing holding back, like she's a kid that needs all the love of the world, not just half caresses or embraces because she's an adult. When they separate, Madeleine slips an arm around her shoulders and grins.
"So" she starts over the music. "Gossip about Rafe Cameron that nobody knows?"
Richie blinks, amused, and smiles back, shrugging to her friend's question. She knows Madeline wouldn't ever tell anyone what Richie would say to her, but the future bride thinks of it and there's very little that Rafe lets out when they are alone. Like he's in a constant defensive situation.
"Not really" she admits in the end. "He's pretty much what you see. Harsh, cold and annoying Rafe that thinks to know everything about everyone. But he listens"
"He listens" Madeleine repeats the girl's words, but seems unimpressed. For Richie, when she talks and Rafe is quiet listening to what she has to say, it's important. "What else"
"He's touchy" the words come out before Richie can think of it, before she can decide to hold them to herself. So when she sees Madeleine blinking at her, like she's surprised, but waits for to keep talking, Richie does. "In a nice way. Must be something with his family being, you know-"
"The kind of family unable to show any kind love and affection?" Madeleine asks, but she's clearly thinking about it more than what she gives away: Richie knows she has a complicated relationship with her dad, the only parent left, so if there's someone that understands looking for love in places where it's hard to find, that's Madeleine. "He craves it"
Richie nods. "Don't tell anyone"
The other thinks of it, before nodding. "Not a word" then she smiles, back to reality. "Anything else? Anything spicy ?"
Richie's eyebrows furrow, before laughing nervously, because, well, Rafe and her didn't get there but others don't know that. So she has to keep an appearance and it means with Madeleine too. "Not a word"
"Why?" Madeleine asks, faking an offense. "We always say those kinds of things. Like when you gave an handjob to John McCain after prom and he proposed to-"
"Yeah, but now we're talking about my future husband" Richie interrupts her and she tastes the word husband maybe for the first time on her tongue. She doesn't think she ever said it aloud. "I'll tell those, if things won't end up well"
Madeleine doesn't say anything about it, but nods as she takes a deep breath, starting walking out of the kitchen. Richie is always under her arm. Squeezed to her side. "Do you think it's real? That sexist and straight way to say about boys pulling the pigtails of the girls they like?"
"Rafe didn't pull at my pigtails because he liked me" Richie says and he doesn't like me at all, appearing in her mind like a thunder during the calm. "It was a recent thing"
"He told you that?" Madeleine asks, but before anyone can add or answer, the crowd of people around them moves in a weird way, like they are avoiding something and making space in the huge living room of the house. The two friends exchange a stare. Someone notices Richie then and the glances they give her give shivers down her spine and bad, bad , feelings about what's going on.
Reality punches her when she asks to pass through the bodies and finally everything is shown to her. The girl's jaw squeezes, when a Madeleine behind her asks: "Touchy, uh?".
Rafe has always been a violent person, someone that got into fights that he was usually the one to initiate, because he wanted or said so. He started them for stupid reasons, really, whether it was for something the other unfortunate said or didn't say, did or didn't do. You never knew what Rafe would use to start a fight and it cost him several suspensions, but never an expulsion from the Academy and it was just because Ward knew how to make his money circulate around that place.
Now, Richie would tell she's surprised to see Rafe bending over John B Rutledge, knees against the marble floor of the house, and Topper Thornton helping him holding the boy down. Not much distant, John B's best friend, JJ Maybank, is being dragged away from Kelce Smith's by another Pogues kid, Pope Heyward. At first Richie thinks it's a dumb Kooks versus Pogue kind of fight, the classist ones that Rafe likes so much to get himself into and that lately he picks with his new younger friends next to him, Topper and Kelce, but then Richie sees Sarah and Kiara Carrera -by now, both Kooks turned Pogues- try to divide the fight and Richie knows it's not just about social classes. Also about that, but not only . It's personal and she's asked to pick a side in this, when Sarah sees her in the crowd, eyes wide, and walks towards Richie in big steps.
"Stop your fucking crazy boyfriend" it's not really a question and the other finds those words almost funny coming from Sarah.
"He's your brother" she reminds the blonde girl and almost laughs, but she doesn't though.
"Well, it hasn't been exactly my choice" Sarah's words are high, urgent and annoying and, even though Richie finds them painful to hear, she thinks that they are also true. " You choose him . Now get him off my boyfriend"
"I'm gonna kill him" are Richie's last words, after a moment of contemplation and a deep sigh. Then she takes a breath that should give her some sort of courage and marches with long steps into the space people left so the fight could happen. She walks past Pope dividing JJ and Kelce and goes straight towards Rafe and Topper, feeling herself followed by Sarah like a shadow, ready to follow Richie's actions if she's gonna do what she just said. Before they can reach for the three other boys, Kiara jumps on Topper's back forcing him to back away from the John B kid and it gives a way for Richie to sneak at Rafe's back.
Maybe it's not a smart move, appearing out of nowhere behind someone whose first instincts are to answer to everything with violence, but Richie has very little time to think before Rafe's arm lifts so he can give another punch to the other boy's face. Richie grabs the older one's bicep and then slips her arm around it: the attempt is weak, but instead of trying to punch John B, the boy is busy freeing himself from whoever is trying to hold him back. He tries a couple of times, her using as much force as she owns, when Rafe miscalculates the force -or maybe it's his intentions, as he tries to get rid of whoever is gripping him- and he hits Richie's. At the beginning, she doesn't feel anything, just her head empty before starting to whistle lowly, then she tastes blood. On her lips, inside her mouth.
It's not like she has much time to do or say anything, she just walks backwards enough for her to add distance between her and the scene, to see Sarah pushing a confused Rafe away and helping her boyfriend on his feet, then she asks Richie if she's okay. She seems unsure between leaving John B and checking on her, or staying in her place and making sure that her group of friends that is slowly compacting again can make it out of that place. Richie doesn't answer her, neither does Madeline when she runs where she's standing and tells her something about her nose, trying to check her face. But Richie's too busy touching her mouth and seeing her hand dirty, before looking up and holding Rafe's wide stare, who just realized what happened. For the first time, he's showing something that says he's sorry. For real. He opens his mouth, expression shifting from apprehension to rage, when she interrupts his attempt.
"You're a mess" it's all she tells him and she's not even sure he hears her, the music still filling the house. She doesn't care, she simply turns and walks away.
-
Richie is not sure how long she stays in the bathroom of that stranger's house, head back to stop the blood dropping down and tons of dirty toilet paper spread in the nearby sink. She thinks the blood stopped rolling down for a while, which means that probably she's okay, but the more she tries to clean, the more it looks like she's making a mess on her face, of blood and paper. Madeleine knocks two or three times and Richie tells her that she's fine, when her friend asks her to open the door and let her in.
The truth is that Richie suddenly doesn't thinks she's fine: she thought she was doing okay an hour prior and really good when her best friend apologized, finally ending that stupid fight started at Kat's engagement party, but now she feels like shit. Richie's moods are always changing, she's someone that may not show it, but she feels every change around her like a change of heart. If something goes wrong all suddenly, she starts falling, if something goes right, she can feel like flying: she's not the type of person to think it's going bad, but it will get better , there's no way in between, except I just want to crawl in bed for days and I can do everything . Like when Rafe asked to marry him the first time and her mood dropped so low, that she refused to face everyone, building a wall between her and the rest of the world for two whole days. She didn't expect it, it surprised her, so he didn't have the time to ponder.
Another knock asks her to probably open the door and it makes her flinch, because it's been a while since Madeleine's last one and now she didn't expect it. She sniffs, nose burning a little, when she says she's fine. Again.
"It's me" a voice tells her and Richie doesn't need the person behind the door to introduce themselves. Even with the distant music, she knows it's Rafe.
"Go away" she tells him, raising her voice so she's sure he hears her.
A moment of pause. "Listen, I-" if they would be close, or without the music still in distance, she would hear him sighing, but there are many feet between them, a closed door and The Weeknd singing in the air. "Can you open the door?"
"I said, go away"
Now, as she looks at the reflection on the bathroom mirror, she tries to clean up herself again, from the caked blood and the nervous tears as well, conscious she has to go out and face Rafe, Madeleine and the rest of the world. Eventually. She's so focused on the woman looking back at her, trying to make her look better than she actually feels, that Richie doesn't even hear the door clicking open, until it's too late. The key she turned to separate herself from the rest of the house turns and, a moment later, Rafe appears in her view.
"I told you-" she starts, but he's already stepping inside and closing the door at his back. "I don't even want to know how or why you know how to open a door that is supposed to be locked"
He shows her a credit card, like it's an answer, before pulling out his wallet from the pocket of his jeans and put the object in its place. He puts the wallet where it belongs too, inside his trousers, when he says "When you live with the Camerons there are always a lot of closed doors, that you're not supposed to enter" and his tone is softer, as he looks up at her. Richie tries to not get it under her skin.
"Well, I didn't want you here" she tells him, trying to sound angry. She is, but he looks like he's really about to apologize and this makes her uncomfortable. She's not used to it and, mostly, she doesn't want to make a habit out of it: Rafe knowing that he can get to Richie just through words and her letting him do so.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" he starts getting close, tall and broader shoulders covered in a fancy polo, when Richie takes a step back and Rafe notices. It makes him stop.
"You did" she tells, voice lower than she meant to be. "You always do"
Hurt me. Hurt people . She doesn't need to say it aloud. In fact, Rafe's eyebrows furrow, when his blue eyes look down and it's clear that he knows what she's talking about: she's talking about all the time he told and made things to her, about everything he let her go through during the years in school, when he thought he had the right to make her feel bad for what she wore, how she looked, what she said to pretend she didn't care. He's not a better person now, he just beat up someone and his hands were dirty of a guy's blood until a couple of minutes prior, when he cleaned them in the kitchen sink, but twenty years of looking for love and affection, to find just a distant father and superficial relationships built through the time, gave him something to think of. He wouldn't call it an epiphany, but the desperation mixed with sadness he saw in Richie's eyes at Midsummer, made him reflect about him looking the same and not wanting to. He didn't want to live hoping that someone would have loved him angry like that, so he told himself that, maybe, if Richie would have accepted that crazy plan of getting married for convenience, he would have done something to actually give others a reason to like him. He can't have his father's love because the man simply refuses to hear Rafe's requests, but he can make him happier through hard work and the arranged marriage. On the other hand, he can still make something about finding someone able to fill the emptiness he feels when he comes to love and be loved. Richie is a solid presence now, he asked her because it was convenient for her too and more likely to accept, but looking at her now he knows she is a good choice because when she knows what she wants, she hardly change her mind: many times through those past weeks she didn't hold back about telling no , starting with their marriage deal, and Rafe needs someone able to not accept everything he says, want, or wish. She's a strong presence to which Rafe is learning to fit and adapt, instead of fighting with, as he used to. Fights never brought him anywhere, even less love or respect: the one with John B in the living room is a proof and he realizes it in Richie's face. She didn't predict it and now it's scaring her.
"I'm trying to not" he mutters in the end and when Richie's stare gets sharper, he takes a breath to not snap. His eyes fly around her face, the tired eyes and the caked blood. "It's just difficult"
"It's not a valid excuse" for being a poor person . He nods. "You can't hurt people and then say I'm trying, but it's difficult . At some point people stop to believe it, when you give just violence after violence"
"I don't want to give just violence" he whispers. "I don't want anymore"
"That's what it looks like when people look at you" she tells him, voice cold and looks down as she says so. "Violent words. Violent actions. You're walking anger, incapable to be contained"
"I'm-" he stops, knowing that if he's gonna say I'm trying , she's gonna be the one to fairly get violent this time. So, when she looks up with a challenging expression, he holds it back, but he's getting nervous and his flinching hands give him away. "I'm sorry about everything. About the past years and about hitting you. Won't happen again"
"What if it will" it's not really a question, for Richie is a fear, for Rafe an accusation. "Are you high, Rafe?"
His eyes widen, more than they already are now that Richie is holding his stare so close, like he can't believe she is asking him that. But when he opens his mouth to answer, something holds him back from lying. She knows the truth the moment his lips close in a tiny line.
"I thought I could make it, but-"
"Let me help you clean up" he interrupts, suddenly and abruptly, taking her face in his hands and moving it so he can look up. They both know what they are doing: he's buying time and trying to earn her trust back (if it ever existed) and she's thinking about breaking up with him. Can two people break up if they aren't really together? Rafe wonders, feeling the anger and the annoyance growing stronger, even though he tries to calm down. "Let me do it"
"Rafe-"
"I'm an expert, okay?" he tells her, giving a look to her nose, that seems okay. It makes him feel lighter, almost relieved, when he lets go of her freckled face and gently pushes her towards the sink, then he makes space on the nearby marble counter and pats the space on it, inviting her to take a seat. He sees Richie's expression contracting and frowning, clearly doubtful, but he interrupts her. "Who do you think helped me clean myself after a fight through all those years? Myself. Sometimes Wheezie would have come to see if I was okay, but it was mostly me"
She doesn't agree, not with words, but after a moment of contemplation of his concerned and sincere face, she quietly sits and waits. Her hand grabs the hem of her top for the whole time, squeezed in fists around the textile, but she has to admit he's good at it.
At the beginning, when he grabs a towel and wet it, ordering her to not push her head back, she questions his advice, but after a glance to his face, she decides to trust him fully and follows his words. He's gentle as he cleans her, meticulous and careful to not rub the towel too rough or too long on the same spot: it needs Richie a couple of instants to actually relax, but eventually she lets the hem of her top a bit and her muscles stop being tense. What were you scared of?, she questions herself, as her eyelids fly partially close and she looks at Rafe's features through her eyelashes. She isn't sure to know her answer, as she contemplates if she's maybe more scared of the future than the present, in that bathroom.
"It won't happen again" he whispers after a while, face so close that Richie can hear the alcohol. She refrains herself from the need to pull away.
"It's not how it works" the girl answers with a matching tone. A low, sad one. "You tell me now, high and drunk, and you'll do it tomorrow again. And I-" a pause, when she sees Rafe swallowing and then something else she has never seen in twenty years: are his eyes lucid? "I don't want to find myself on the other side of your ager and your drugs"
"I-" he seems short of words. Then he closes his eyes and suddenly he takes Richie by the nape of her neck -a gesture he does a lot, she started to notice lately- and pushes their forehead together. He takes his time before talking and she lets him do so, daring to close her eyes as well. "Don't leave me. Everyone does"
"Don't give me a reason to" she mutters, swallowing the need to cry a little and feeling overwhelmed by the fact he's talking to her about something she's sure he wouldn't have admitted a month prior. How far they moved on without her noticing it? Weren't they telling each other that they weren't even friends? Just business partners? "I love my family and I was doing it for them, but if you're gonna get high and angry all the time, maybe we shouldn't, Rafe. Get married"
"No, no" he presses their forehead more, opening suddenly his eyes hearing Richie's words. "I'll get better"
"What if you don't?" she asks and Rafe shivers at the fear in her voice. Did he do that? "You're always been angry, Rafe, and I said yes anyway. But what if it was a mistake? I don't want to end up in an abusive relationship. This hasn't already the healthiest of the starts"
He could not hear Richie, but just looks at her to know she's not sure, that she's confused by something she hasn't clearly planned and not overthink about, so he's conscious to actually have a chance to make her change her mind. He doesn't want to screw up, so when he kisses Richie and breathes in, she falls completely for his promises and he thinks he's just too desperate for love to let her down.
-
A good eye would catch that something is wrong. That the two people everyone at the party is supposed to celebrate are tiptoeing around each other like two strangers, that suddenly found out they'll be promised to one another forever. But Richie and Rafe aren't strangers, once even friends, now something more than business partners that sometimes kiss when they are alone, when they have no one to put up a play for. The problem is, now, that they are at their own engagement party and they haven't seen or heard from the other for a whole week.
During the entry night, they talk politely with other people and to each other when in front of friends, old classmates, relatives, or their families' acquaintances, but never when they are alone. Actually, they avoid finding themselves just the two of them and, if it happens, it's so brief that being able to stay in silence isn't even that difficult, before someone comes up to talk with them or congratulate them about the marriage. They smile. Everyone seems a bit too thrilled about the wedding set in December and Richie realizes it just that night, the first one since Kat's engagement party, that she and Rafe face all the people from the OBX that will attend the wedding at once. She isn't sure they are thrilled because they are genuinely interested in the union of two of the most prominent and rich families of the island, or because they are betting on how long they're gonna last before asking for divorce. Or killing each other. Both are fair options.
Richie is holding the stare of Matt Brum, a couple of feet away, and watching him laughing about something with another old classmate: they had to talk, act civilly, and even Rafe had to pretend he liked the guy, who actually never earned his sympathy. How Richie predicted the moment her eyes noticed him at the beginning of the night, he made a comment about the new weird couple. He had been in college for part of the summer and described himself to Richie and Rafe surprised, when he heard the news, back to OBX for a brief holiday. I won't make it to the big day in December, I suppose he told them, pretending sadness, when the girl assured it was fine and Rafe suppressed a scoff.
After that brief exchange, they fortunately parted ways, but now Richie is staring at him like she would like to cut his head off, when Rafe interrupts her thoughts. She doesn't know if he saw her staring deadly at her old school enemy, because when he talks and she turns towards him, during one of those moments alone, he's looking everywhere except at her.
"Let's get dance" he tells Richie, with a tone that clearly indicates he is repeating it again. He doesn't look annoyed by her distraction and she's too surprised by the request after a week of radio silence, to roll her eyes at the fact that he never asks her to do something. He proposes it, like formulating a question might cost his life.
She's walking next to him, among familiar bodies, a moment later, her hand warm in Rafe's, as he took hers to lead the way. When they reach for some free space, he lifts their linked hands mid air, almost squeezed between their chest, as his free arm slips around Richie's waist. The girl's one holds gently on his shoulder, fingers around the nape of his neck where his short hair meets her fingertips, when she realizes they are pressed together and closer than they have been in a whole week. His face is a lot tired.
"Are you okay?" she finds herself asking and his eyes drop from hers, vaguely to her necklace, avoiding her stare. He nods.
"Yeah" he mutters.
"You look awful" she tells him, honest and sincere, blinking when his jaw squeezes and he probably feels caught up in the middle of something bad. "You look tired"
"A rough couple of days" he admits, but his tone is dismissive, almost like he would like her to think about something else. Sometimes more important.
But Richie knows how to deal with situations, if she had plenty of time to think of, and she had a whole week to think about Rafe, the party, Rafe again, his words. She's not unprepared, so she has very little to get in the middle of her thoughts, she won't let fear have the best. "That's why you have been ignoring me for the past week?"
He sighs, because maybe she hasn't been the only interrogating herself about the other, them, what they said. "Yeah"
"At least you're being honest" she mutters, letting him lead their slow dance, chest against chest, feet that start to get coordinated without them even trying to. She thinks about all the texts she sent him, after he didn't get in touch at all or came to her workplace for the first two days of the week, and she didn't know what to think. But after being ignored, she started to get many ideas. Watching him now, she might have a more concrete one. "What's going on"
"Doing what I promised" he whispers and his head bends a little towards her, almost shyly, unsure if she's gonna do the same. Richie does and their foreheads almost touch, their breath mixes. He relaxes at her gesture and, if possible, his grip gets stronger around her waist. More sure, without feeling like he's caging her, in fact, she relaxes as well.
"Are you-" she starts, but her voice cracks and she needs a second or two to sound steady again. "Are you clean?"
Rafe doesn't answer straight away, he just keeps leading her in a slow dance that feels like a lullaby and holds her like she's a solid safe rock in a tormented ocean. His eyes are still down, forehead always closer to Richie's, as their skins now touch with the slightest of the movement. Eventually, he takes a breath and a dose of courage. "I asked you, because I watched you, sitting at the counter of the Golf Club, drinking your anger and sadness and I realized that we are more similar than we like to admit. And I didn't want to look like that. Like I hate the world and the world hates me. When I asked you the first time, I didn't have much time to think about it, maybe it was my subconscious acting. I just asked you. But when I asked the second time, I saw many opportunities in this marriage"
Richie whispers next, eyes lucid from his tone. It scares her, because she never heard him more serious than that. "Like what"
"The one you know about already. Make our families proud, tie each other into business even more than we already are. You said you want to expand in the south once and that your dad doesn't agree, but I can help you with that" he says and when Richie told Madeleine that Rafe is good at listening, that's what she meant. She thinks now she told him once, maybe during a lunch laying in the chairs out of her office balcony, but he remembers anyway. She can't even remember how the conversation went, to be honest, and now she tries to recall it, but Rafe talks again. And Richie gets distracted. "The other opportunity is the one I imposed myself to accomplish if you would have told me yes. I know I sounded like I didn't care about love or getting married, that I thought that Kat's falling in love with a stranger and marrying him after two months together was bullshit, but I don't think any of that. I want to be loved, Richie, I want a family and to be a better person than everyone in mine has ever been to me. When I came to you the second time, I told myself that if you would have told me yes, after all I did to you growing up, I would have tried to be the better person I promised myself to be, so someone could fall in love with me"
"You can be that, without marrying me, Rafe" Richie doesn't think she has ever cried so openly in front of everyone, but now she doesn't even care about the fact it's not just Rafe, but everyone at the party can turn and spot her tears. She almost slips away from the boy, but he needs just the smallest of the pressure for her to stay. "You don't have to marry me. You can find someone else to be loved by and to love"
"That's the thing-" he shares with her, stopping for a moment, before deciding it's now or never. "The more we went forward, the more I realized I might want to marry you because of all the things I said, but also because I knew I might fall in love with you, after all. Not someone else"
"Rafe-"
"But if you don't think you want this" he continues, swallowing when Richie looks up and he's forced to bear her stare. "If you don't think you can fall in love with me too, because I've been a monster to you and I know that a part of you will hate me forever for this, I want you to tell me now. Because I'm not sure at this point I'm that good at pretending much more than this"
Richie feels again like she could throw up, crawl in bed for days and cry all her tears, pouring her soul out of her body. Instead, she just stands there, mouth shut and her hand in Rafe's that would fall weightless, if he would be the one to hold it thigh. Until he doesn't anymore, because he feels the arm that Richie slipped around his shoulders falling slowly and her body stiffening in his arm. Rafe is not stupid, he doesn't need to look into her big wide eyes to know she doesn't reciprocate his feelings. It's written on her face: this -what's happening- isn't something she contemplated, which in Rafe's mind echoes like a silent rejection. Whether he's wrong or not, he doesn't even consider wasting his time and analyzing it, because he lets go of Richie and rush away. His pride is hurt, but he knew it could have happened the moment he started talking and can he blame her for not wanting to give him a second chance? Maybe it's even the third, he's asking her to take: the second was the one where she actually accepted to marry him, out of pure convenience, when she had all the right to reject him back then.
Rafe walks so fast, among the bodies filling the space at his own engagement party, that he doesn't hear his dad calling him, as he rushes away from the villa where it has been organized. He doesn't have the emotional stability to actually realize how weird it is for him to leave her future crying wife in the middle of the dance, or the fact that she won't marry him after all and that no wedding will be celebrated. He can only focus on his chest rising spasmodically, but unable to actually control it and give him some peace.
He can only scold himself for giving himself that bit of hope, to think that she might reciprocate. Or considering his feelings. His feet move without him realizing where he's going, but breathing the air outside just once leaving the place behind. It feels good and bad at the same time, it feels like he hates everything, but it's better this way: he wouldn't have to bear it, if he would have gone further and understood he didn't stand a chance just once he would have been drowning in his own pathetic feelings for too long. When he sits in his expensive car, buttons of his shirt too close around his neck, he asks himself why he doesn't look for the keys and start the engine. He sits there, instead, and looks in front of him for who knows how long.
"It's not really nice to leave your own engagement party" a voice calls him suddenly, louder than Rafe's dad calling his son, maybe because now he's sitting alone, in a quiet place, without having a hundred eyes on him and his body ready to run. Away for good. And Rafe doesn't need to turn to recognize who the person is, but he does anyway and Richie is standing there, out of the driver door, hands fidgeting between each other and eyes red and puffed. She talks through the window of the car that hasn't been rolled down already, giving the scene a state of temporary. "You could give the wrong idea. Like, that we are breaking up or something"
Rafe blinks, once, then twice, his mouth shut and probably looking like a fool, staring at her like he can quite understand why she's there. Why did she follow him outside? Why would she care if people think they are breaking up? They are, aren't they? Rafe blinks again and maybe not , he finds himself thinking and welcoming that thought like a breath of fresh air. He ponders his next words, not sure if he want to ask her if he got it right -the meaning behind her words- and not wanting to have his heart broken again, while he must look dumb. He actually needs another moment of contemplation, when he decides to look for his key and turn it inside the lock of the engine enough to roll down the driver window, but not fully start the car. He doesn't feel like opening the door completely or going away, but the glass now turned down, it's a good way to find himself halfway between protecting himself, or trust Richie and her words.
"Want to, huh, don't know, leave with me so they'll think we're actually getting away to do something romantic instead?" it's bold, Rafe knows it is, but he can't help but blurts it out, feeling like he's under scrutiny. He hopes he won't fail the test. Then Richie swallows. "So they'll think we didn't break up, or something"
"Our parents will get so mad at us" Richie answers, but he sees a cracked smile on her lip covered by a light lipstick.
"They'll always find a way to be mad at us" he tells her, now growing comfortable with her doing the same and daring to lean on the edge of the rolled down window. Arms crossed and the jacket of his suit that stretches as he does so. "We could go to eat in that place you like, the one near The Cut "
"French fries?" Richie asks.
Rafe nods, heart bursting in joy, but without giving away too much. "Fries. Tons of them. And whatever you want to. You owe me a date after all, don't you?"
"I do" she whispers and a moment later she's walking forward, grabbing the collar of his shirt and pressing their forehead together. It's not violent, but feels almost like it soaks in desperation. "Please, be the better person you promise yourself to be. I couldn't bear-"
"I promise"
Richie weighs his words for a long moment, eyes in eyes when she finally takes the last step and kisses him.
Don't leave, everyone does.
Don’t give me a reason to.