Chapter Text
Immortality was a cruel mistress. She whispered promises of grandeur and infinite possibilities. Still, she failed to mention the chains of futility that dragged with each step. Why mortals yearned for such a hopeless existence, Lexi couldn’t understand. Especially in a place like New York City.
Her hood pulled up, Lexi wove through an ocean of people, pushed and pulled by the tide. An occasional budding London plane tree passed her sight. The only breath of fresh air along the crowded streets. The vehicle’s screams drowned out the music from her wireless earbuds, echo chambers of glass and concrete walls looming overhead. Voices pierced from all sides, adding to the already cacophonous noise. Lexi clenched her jaw as drums pulsed at her temples. A noxious blend of greasy pizza and rose perfume stung her nose, chased by rotten food and plastic from the alley ahead. She refused to breathe until she passed it to gulp lungfuls of air still tinged with the odors. She should’ve rescheduled for a later time. Maybe then she could enjoy the walk.
Lexi stared at the path, sparing a glimpse upward long enough to stay her course as hurried feet passed on either side. She avoided eye contact wherever possible. Attention was not a luxury she could afford. Hence, her chosen outfit: simple skinny jeans, sneakers, and a zipped-up black bomber jacket with a hood. She went for the nineties emo teen look, hands shoved deep into the jacket's pockets while the hood obscured her face. A creature of a bygone era most adults preferred to steer clear of. The plan, after all. To remain invisible or ignored. A ghost in the machine.
You would think being around a large slew of people would be counterintuitive. That you'd be better off living out in the middle of nowhere, in a solitary little cabin with the nearest town well out of walking distance, and your neighbors were the squirrels and cardinals living amongst the trees. That couldn't be further from the truth. To be unseen, to disappear, you must become someone else's shadow. Surround yourself with such boisterous and lively individuals you're background noise. A lonely life but all too familiar.
A wall of bodies blocked the path ahead, the sidewalk's edge within view. Lexi glanced at the pedestrian sign, a red hand staring back as solid forms pushed her forward. One, in particular, kept bumping into her as complaints about the traffic and other nonsense drifted through her earbuds. Lexi could smell cigarette smoke and ash on their breath as they invaded her personal space repeatedly without care. She wriggled her nose and ground her teeth. The urge to turn around and shove them away grew in her mind until it became a chant, her hands flexing within the jacket's pockets.
A glimmer of shine caught her eye in the pant in front. A peek at the individual revealed a well-maintained tailored suit. The sleeves were devoid of tags and closed at the wrist with golden cufflinks. A businessman, then, and a wealthy one. She bit her lip to keep from smiling. The glint of metal stuck out of a leather wallet, most likely a money clip with an asset she lacked. Now her hand flexed for a different reason.
When the figure behind next rammed into her, she relaxed her limbs, falling forward and knocking the businessman off balance. Muscle memory and instinct guided her following actions. Her slim fingers hooked the clip, palming the wallet during the scuffle, the flanking mortals fighting to regain balance. It slipped inside her sleeve with a graceful tilt of her arm, a faux ragdoll move as the person to her back stumbled forward again. After all three righted themselves, apologies and accusations ping-ponged over her head. At the same time, Lexi reverted to staring at the ground. She shifted the wallet within the sleeve, tiny movements as if itching her arm, depositing the folded leather in her pocket. The man in front turned back towards the crosswalk moments before the signal changed. She couldn’t help but smile. Too easy.
The conglomerate moved at a snail's pace, growing gradually smaller with each step. Lexi followed the current for a few more blocks, arriving at an ornate white-stone church sandwiched between hotels and other assorted establishments. The agreed-upon destination for the meeting. Not a place she would've picked if given a choice. It looked out of place as if plucked from some gorgeous hilltop paradise to be Tetris’d here as a holy beacon for wayward sheep in a sinful city. The church existed first based on the architecture, and the buildings grew around it. All the more reason for it to remain, she supposed.
She kept her hood up as she entered the temple. The vaulted ceiling was painted to resemble a night sky, bright stars in a field of midnight blue. Taunting examples of purity that man would never achieve. The midday sun speared through the stained glass windows vomiting rainbows over the marble floor and pews. Musty frankincense and myrrh flooded her sinuses. She could taste them, the spicy earthiness trying to seep into her soul. The odor of sanctity. A shame her soul was beyond saving. A few individuals sat amongst the benches, heads bowed as if in prayer. Curious. How many were actually praying? And how many were taking advantage of the quieter space to nap? Religious iconography in murals and statues was strategically placed to remind those within whose house they visited. False idols of worship for those too stupid to know any better. Or too naive.
Lexi strode to the confessional booth, sliding the door closed with an audible thunk as she settled inside. She paused the music playing through her earbuds as steps neared the opposite side of the booth. A sinking feeling washed over her. Not only did she not practice any form of religion, but the entire concept of 'confession' made her blood run cold. Lexi had enough skeletons in her closet for multiple lifetimes. Spelling out each one for a priest would relive memories she’d rather forget. But at the click of high heels and a female voice speaking, the tension in her shoulders relaxed.
"Aren't you going to ask for forgiveness?" The woman spoke with a lilt, her tone mid-range and seductive, teasing almost. Some clients enjoyed a bit of banter before business. Unfortunately, she seemed to be one of them.
"First, you're no Father of mine." Lexi kept her voice even. "Second, you couldn't save me from my sins if you tried. And third, I don't believe in that bullshit."
The woman tsked. "Careful now. You're in a house of God. You wouldn't want His followers to hear you say that would you?"
Lexi breathed deep, restraining the urge to sigh. "Like I care. I bet you half of the people out there just want some shut-eye. And the rest are praying for selfish reasons. Nobody cares anymore. This country, this world, is going to Hell in a handbasket. And I’m going with it." Lexi toyed with the ring on her right pinky. Distraction. She needed a distraction.
"Have you no faith in a higher power?"
"Faith?" Lexi chuckled. "Faith in a God is for those who think someone else will fix all their problems. Faith does nothing but make you complacent. The only person I have faith in is myself. That's all I need." She slid the ring back on her finger as her knee began to bounce. This was getting nowhere. "Do you have a job or not? I didn't come to chit-chat."
A muffled snicker passed through the separator. "They were right about you. All business, no pleasure. Such a hard life for one so young." Her voice dropped a couple of registers, the hair on Lexi's neck standing up in response. "Ah well. Perhaps I can change your mind when this is over. Well then, shall we, Nemo ?"
Lexi blinked. Why the emphasis on her alias? It happened so fast that maybe she had misheard. She hadn't heard it spoken aloud in years. Most clients preferred to use drop locations and notes, never meeting in person due to the secretiveness of the assignments. It had been a while since she talked with one, let alone met. Perhaps hearing someone say her alias aloud was unusual enough to mistake a change in tone.
The woman shuffled in the booth as something thumped against the wood. "Everything you need is in this envelope. You have two weeks." The client moved again, her heels clacking on the wooden floor.
"It doesn't work that way. I refuse to accept a job without reading the details first. You know my rules."
When she giggled in response, Lexi grit her teeth. Something about this woman felt off. "Feel free to decline if you wish. Though I think you'll find the incentive most appealing." Her shoes hit louder, a wooden bench creaking further away as slow footsteps approached the confessional. That’s not good.
Lexi dropped her voice low. "And how do I go about declining if you take off before I can?"
The woman's cadence returned when she responded, "As I said, the envelope contains everything you need. You better hurry before someone else takes the booth, Nemo. Ta-ta."
It wasn't a mistake. The woman practically purred when mentioning her alias. But why? Her voice didn't sound familiar, so Lexi knew they hadn't met before. Yet how the client sang Lexi's pseudonym sent spiders down her spine.
The woman's heels passed her door towards the church entrance when Lexi swung her side open. Ducking into the opposite side, she snatched the revealed manila envelope on the bench, surprised at the weight. When it tilted, an item slid inside as the weight shifted back and forth. A first guess would've been a deck of cards if not for the dimensions. The steps from before strode closer as she stuffed the envelope into her jacket.
"Pardon me, but are you finished, dear?" The voice croaked, suggesting years of smoking under their belt. "I need to speak to Father Carmichael about a few things."
Lexi glanced back but kept her eyes down, catching sight of tennis balls and metal. "Sure. Yeah. Just picking up something I dropped." She turned and ducked her head, hiding within the jacket's hood. "Sorry."
A set of rasped words followed as Lexi stepped away, but questions about the encounter with the client drowned her senses. What did the emphasis on her alias mean? Why didn't the client wait until Lexi opened the envelope? What was in the envelope? The quandaries circulated until a pressure change caused her to stagger onto the street, thrown from her thoughts. The sudden wall of sound was disorienting, horns and voices blaring on all sides. Her mind drifted back to the envelope tucked against her breast. Worms wriggled in her stomach, prospects of the envelope's contents coating her mouth with cotton. She couldn’t afford to open it now. Too many eyes and ears. Her stomach growled as the smell of chili and paprika-spiced meat wafted in her direction. And she was far too hungry.
Lexi discreetly searched the wallet she’d pilfered, finding enough for a small meal or two, taking advantage of the Mexican restaurant to grab a bite across the street. The sun had dipped to half-height, tinting the sky a soft orange as she continued further inland. She considered retreating to the safety of her apartment as usual if it could even be called that. It resembled a hovel more than anything. But the confines of the space provided a reprieve from the rest of the populace. This time though, she felt a different sort of pull towards the green grass and flowering trees of Central Park. Maybe it would help soothe her anxious mind, even if for a moment. It paled compared to the state's northern forests and their quiet serenity. But it was the closest she could get.
As dull concrete and glass transitioned to verdant plant life, Lexi inhaled fresh, clean air. A hint of the city still remained, though her lungs no longer burned from its noxious fumes. Most of the city’s inhabitants would be returning home after a long day’s work at this hour, a tsunami of mortals playing chicken with her even now as she entered the park. It showed no signs of stopping, so she did what any sane person would: not play. Lexi sidestepped over the curb, her sneakers pressing footprints into untrodden earth. It was easier to avoid the cattle herded by paved walkways than attempt to move against them.
The further into the park she walked, the din of the city gave way to a calmness only nature provided. Lexi lowered her hood, her hair swept back by a gentle breeze. A few strands caught on her fingers as she combed them back. Despite every attempt to heal the damage, the strawlike blonde locks had been damaged beyond repair. Such was the inevitable outcome of boxed dye and bleach. She detached her fingers from the tangled length with a sigh. What she wouldn’t give to return to her natural hair color.
Her feet carried her to her favorite spot, climbing up the rock to sit next to a stone statue. The animated movie exaggerated his story, but none could question Balto’s loyalty and endurance, two traits she desired to emulate. Of course, the film took his story one step further, altering his birth to make him a half-wolf, which he was bullied for. She wished it were true. Then Balto’s story would have a deeper personal meaning, embracing your past to become something more. Or lack thereof, she supposed.
Lexi followed the statue’s gaze, the watercolor sunset tinting her surroundings with its soft glow. A few people passed by, glancing in her direction with blank eyes as they moved along. Some were couples, kisses exchanged in heartfelt embraces, oblivious to her eyes upon them. She followed their passage as giggles rang out. Memories surfaced of a time she responded in kind with a gentleman on her arm, enjoying each other’s company. A time of bliss and ignorance before her reality reared its ugly head. She turned, forcing her gaze away, a hole punched into her gut. It’d been decades since she recalled that time. Why did it have to happen now?
“I envy you.” Lexi stared at the stone between her feet. “You watch them day in and day out, passing you by, maybe taking a picture or two. But you don’t care. You can’t care.” She turned her head to face the statue. “You’re just stone. A representation of something that once lived.”
The breeze made leafy silhouettes dance across the statue. Orange reflections in carved eyes mimicked an inner spark in the polished rock. A trick, nothing more. “I’m alive, yet I have more in common with you than with them. The only difference is I bleed when I’m cut.”
It was tough to swallow. A lump had grown, a cancerous mass of buried emotions desperate to claw out of her throat. They were stuck for the moment. “What I wouldn’t give to trade places with you. Even for a day. Maybe then I’d find some peace.” A strained laugh bubbled from her chest as the knot rose higher, pushing on the backs of her eyes. She buried her face in icy palms. “God, I must be going crazy. I’m talking to a fucking statue.”
Nature’s soothing whispers drifted on the wind that caressed her body, a comfort blanket for one in need. Lexi breathed deep, the air filling her lungs and returning the mass to the bottle it belonged to, the cork replaced. She lifted her head and inhaled again, eyes closed. It would be a few days, at least, until she could experience the same clarity again. She wasn’t going to waste it.
Lexi lay as long as she dared until a chill forced her to rise from the stone, rubbing away the dust on her clothes. The sun had set, a midnight cloak covering the city. It was a shame she couldn’t see the stars, but the lit pathways of Central Park polluted her vision. Yet another reason northern New York was superior. She followed the pavement out of the park with her hood up, rejoining the bustle in the city proper. Despite the hour, the city was still loud, earning its nickname as the City that Never Sleeps. It took her a week to get used to it. Days of sleepless nights culminated in passing out from sheer exhaustion. Though those days were over, the ceaseless clamor still grated her nerves.
Lexi followed the main roads to an abandoned apartment building, weaving through the crowds. She ducked into the alley by the fire escape as her eyes scanned for signs of movement. Lexi knew of a few other squatters who lived there, but she didn’t want anyone to learn of her presence. Reaching up, she pulled the ladder, climbing to her “suite” on the top floor.
Slipping her knife from the hidden holster, she jimmied the window open like always, securing and throwing curtains over it once inside. The other windows and front door were boarded or barred long before her arrival, though she still made the rounds to check. She’d been lucky so far. But one could never be too careful.
Once the apartment was cleared, Lexi stowed the knife and shrugged off her jacket, placing the envelope next to her on the mattress as she sat. A deep sigh passed her lips as she scanned her meager surroundings. Lexi lived a poor, minimalistic lifestyle, prone to gypsy-like behavior. Beyond those she carried, her only belongings were a suitcase of clothes, a portable battery bank, and a ruddy acoustic guitar picked up at a college dumpster dive. Everything else was acquired through less than legal means or paid for with funds similarly obtained. It was enough to maintain her sanity and whatever semblance of humanity remained.
Lexi glanced at the envelope. Initial instincts told her to reject it immediately. To contact the client and leave town. But curiosity was getting the better of her. The way the client stressed Lexi’s alias, the envelope feeling different than any assignment previously, and the fact the client stressed meeting Lexi. It all screamed “important.” But why?
She resolved to check up on her friend. If he had something worth investigating, she would decline and leave. No point in pursuing the client’s request if he has a lead. Lexi fished out her phone, selecting her single ongoing text conversation.
Hey, Bash.
B: Good evening, Kate.
Oh no, I’m sorry. It’s Lexi now, isn’t it?
Forgive me.
Lexi shook her head with a smile.
I told you. You don’t need to apologize for that.
I change my name every other day.
I don’t expect you to keep track of that shit.
B: Even so, I dislike forgetting something so meaningful.
-_-
It’s fine, really.
B: To what do I owe the pleasure?
I must say, it’s been some time since I’ve heard from you.
I wanted to tell you once I got here.
But you know how it is.
Were you able to find anything?
Lexi bit her bottom lip. Please say yes.
B: Sadly, no.
I’m afraid the only information I could find you already have.
She closed her eyes, breathing deeply before responding.
Fuck. There’s really nothing else out there?
B: Not without launching a formal inquiry.
And I suspect that would bring unwanted attention.
She snorted at the phone.
Of course, it would.
Because no one gets to ask questions about themselves without being subjected to a full background search.
Fucking stupid.
B: Are you alright?
No, but what else is new?
Lexi didn’t feel like ranting to Bash too. She’d ranted enough to the Balto statue in Central Park. It wasn’t like anything would get any better, continuing to chase dead ends and fleeting memories of the past, at least those she could remember. Any further back was a blank spot.
Look, thanks for checking up on it.
We’ve talked about the accident too many times to count, and we both know my memory isn’t coming back.
I think it’s time I stop looking.
Whatever happened before isn’t worth exposing myself again.
B: Are you sure?
If you stop now, you’ll likely never be able to start again.
I’m sure.
You and I have wasted too many years on this.
It’s time we put it to bed.
Plus, you know what could happen if they find me again.
I can’t let that happen.
Speaking of bed, I have some ‘reading’ to do.
Catch you later.
B: Lexi, please tell me you haven’t restarted your freelance ‘business’ again, have you?
Lexi?
She knew better than to answer him, placing the phone on silent before snatching the file on the mattress. No better time than now to see the details of the job. What else did she have to lose?