Chapter Text
yae miko created a groupchat with 10 people
yae miko named the groupchat "ei fanclub!!!!!"
miko: hey guys 🥺🥺🥺🥺
kokomi: kill yourself NOW
miko: ?
kujou sara left
miko: WAIT NO
miko added kujou sara to ei fanclub!!!!!
miko: @ei can u tell her to stay Pleaseeee
ei: sara don't leave
sara: ok
beidou: that's gay
ningguang: why would you add me in a groupchat with BEIDOU of all people i can't fucking stand her my plant just died because i have to be in a groupchat with her i just tripped on nothing because i have to be in a groupchat with her i MESSED UP MY CALCULATIONS because i have to be in a groupchat with her FUCK YOU YAE MIKO
beidou: damn what did i do
ningguang: SHUT THE FUCK UP
beidou: aww 🥺
ningguang: WHAT HAVENT YOU DONE YOU INTOLERABLE ASSHOLE
miko: beidou what did u do she is not usually this pissed
beidou: NOTHING
ningguang: remember when you started arguing with me because i "read too much in the textbook" WELL GUESS WHO GOT AN A!
lisa: didn't u guys end up making out afterward
ningguang: what
ningguang: no
ningguang: who told you that
lisa: ...beidou?
ningguang: she made that up Wtf beidou
jean: i was there
jean: they both ended up going to the bathroom very heatedly after their argument afterward soooo
ningguang: SHUT THE FUCK UP JEAN
lisa: can ningguang tell me to stfu too
sara: this is why i don't major in business
miko: ningguang and her double major...is anyone else a little scared!
ganyu: hi
miko: GANYU
miko: finally one sane person
ei: ?
ganyu: miko i'm so serious i need you to delete this groupchat now you don't know what you've created okay. this is going to cause the next cataclysm
ei: ouch
ganyu: sorry
ganyu: MIKO IM SERIOUS WHEN OUR UNI FALLS AND WE ARE LEFT INNDUST AND ASHES ITS OVER FOR US
ganyu: you should be scared for your life guys
ganyu: this is not going to end well
keqing: hi ganyu
ganyu: HI KEQINF
ganyu: KRQING
ganyu: KEQING
miko: ok i'll delete it i guess
ganyu: WAIT NO
ningguang: lmfao
ei: hello
sara: hi
miko: so
sara: maybe if i ignore her she'll disappear
miko: HELLO?!?!
miko: back to how you're fucking kokomi
kokomi: she's a bottom
sara: what
kokomi: what
miko: back to how you're getting fucked by kokomi
sara: when were we ever talking about that
miko: is it a lie?
sara: YES????????
miko: did u guys hold hands yet 🥺
keqing: can we stop using that emoji why does everyone keep using it
kokomi: unfortunately we are not like you and ei
ei: what
kokomi: ?
ei: i thought you wanted to be in a romantic relationship with sara not best friends with her
kokomi: ARE YOU AND MIKO NOT
miko: anyway back to the topic at hand
lisa: i think i need couple's therapy
ningguang: you're not in a relationship with anyone
lisa: exactly that's why i need it
lisa: hey @jean aren't u a psych major 😅 wanna be my therapist
jean: i am a law student?
ningguang: keqing can you stop hanging around outside my dorm
ningguang: i am leaving now you can hang out with ganyu WITHOUT ME THERE
keqing: whattttt
keqing: i have no idea what you're talking about
beidou: i think they need couple's therapy
beidou: anyway back to kokosara
sara: what the fuck is kokosara
beidou: your ship name
sara: WHY DO WE HAVE A SHIP NAME
beidou: you should have a ship name
ningguang: i agree with beidou for once
miko: guys what if beidou and ningguang have secretly been in a relationship for the past two years like wouldn't that be crazy
kokomi: have you and ei not been dating for the past 5 years can we go back to that
ei: hi
kokomi: EXPLAIN?
ningguang: ME AND BEIDOU ARE NOT DATING
ei: we're just friends lol
miko: what ei and i have cannot be compared to other individuals and it is a bond that's extremely special and undescribOr what ei said yeah we're just friends haha
ei: ?
ganyu: guys i think keqing is Not Okay why did she fall asleep on my shoulder after like twenty minutes of being here
jean: she majors in architecture what do you think
ningguang: damn it now i regret leaving i could've stored more evidence
ganyu: what
ningguang: what
ningguang: AND BEIDOUS HERE TOO I CAN NEVER ESCAPE HER...
beidou: omg where are u i don't see u
ningguang: bye
beidou: WAIT
lisa: @jean can you come over i have an emergency
jean: of course lisa anything for you lisa
kokomi: what
jean: what
miko: what's the emergency
lisa: i lost a pen
sara: that is not an emergency
jean: yes it is shut the fuck up
lisa: does anyone else want to see jean and sara 1v1
kokomi: sara clears
ei: of course you would think that
kokomi: ??
miko: EI?
ei: hi miko
sara: EI WWHT
ningguang: i have to give my support to jean
lisa: same but i'm a little biased
miko: ehh sara would total her
beidou: i guess we'll never know until it happens
jean: i just need a time and location
lisa: JEAN?
jean: sorry i don't know what came over me
ganyu: jean vs keqing who gets overworked more
ningguang: a tie unfortunately
kokomi: why is the gc name ei fanclub i hate ei
miko: ok 1) you forgot the five exclamation marks
miko: 2) how can you hate ei. my little scrunkly scrimblo meow meow
sara: does anyone else want to kill themselves
kokomi: NO ONE ELSE THINKS THAT MIKO
miko: is this because i kept talking about her that one time we hooked up I'm sorry.
ei: what
sara: what
kokomi: we should do that again
kokomi: wait i didn't say that
ei: what
ei: is that why you didn't go to the library with me that one time
miko: NO WHATT
ei: i knew you were mad at me but i thought you would just sulk in your room or something
ei: i was going to bring you something but umm ur a little scary when ur mad Sorry
miko: A
beidou: miko.txt has stopped working
ningguang: you're not funny.
miko: umm anyway
miko re-named the groupchat to "operation: kokosara"
sara: this is why you're single
miko: THAT WAS LOW
ganyu: can you ask her out already
kokomi: right like we're all sick of you
ei: ask who out haha
ei: why didn't you tell me :(
ningguang: ...
miko: idk what they're talking about lol
jean: hey guys crisis averted
ganyu: did you guys find the pen
jean: yeah it was on her bed
lisa: yeah i got jean to grab it for me
lisa: WAIT
beidou: ? THATS HOW U GOT HER IN UR BED
lisa: SHUT
sara: do you not do your work at a desk
lisa: i do...
sara: oh...
ningguang: beidou can you look over the assignment and turn it in
beidou: why didn't you just dm me
ningguang: so if my phone gets stolen no one can see that i dm'd you since i doubt anyone is going to look through this hellhole
keqing: hey guys i watched a movie
kokomi: no one cares keqing we're watching a beiguang moment stfu
ganyu: hi keqing!!!! did you like the movie
beidou: yeah sure i will
ningguang: thanks you're the best
keqing: yes ganyu
kokomi: ?? DID NINGGUANG JUST
ganyu: ningguang is actually a nice to beidou sometimes we just bring out the worst in her
miko: kokomi's super nice too like i saw her helping a freshman yesterday and she was so sweet
kokomi: SHUT
sara: oh
jean: real question why was this gc made
miko: i was bored
ningguang: miko does scary things when she's bored
kokomi: yeah like me
ei: what
miko: CAN YOU SHUT UP
kokomi: YOU STARTED IT
miko: I WAS SAD NOT BORED
jean: lisa i think i'm in love with you
lisa: wait what
miko: ei we're still on for tonight right
ei: yeah
ei: sorry if i have to leave early i have tons of work
miko: it's fine!!!! whatever you need to do
sara: this is painful to watch
keqing: if i was beidou and ningguang hated me i would kms
beidou: it's ok it's kind of hot
ningguang: ?
ningguang: i do not hate beidou she is just...hard to be around
ganyu: my ship is sailing
ningguang: ?????
beidou: oh
ningguang: when's mine going to sail
keqing: i have no idea what you're talking about
ganyu: i have no idea what you're talking about
keqing: oh look we said the same thing!!!! haha #soulmates
keqing: that was a joke
beidou: i think my laughter is in pity
keqing: can you stfu it's not like you get any bitches either
ningguang: beidou looks like she has girls trailing after her
miko: WHAT
ganyu: SCREENSHOTTED
lisa: ARE YOU ONE OF THE GIRLS?
ningguang: NO
ningguang: YOU GUYS ARE TAKING THIS IN THE WRONG WAY
keqing: HAHAHA IM NEVER LETTING YOU GO FOR SAYING THAT
beidou: wow i didn't know u wanted me that bad
ganyu: her entire face is red
ganyu: ooo she just told me she's going to kick me out as if i don't pay half the rent
keqing: if you ever need to you can stay at my place ^^
ganyu: aww you're so sweet
kokomi: ten bucks that keqing's face is red too rn
keqing: i odndjWHr
miko: same
jean: guys lisa is so smart
lisa: i am right here
jean: Hi
beidou: now i'm starting to think something really did happen...
keqing: pens make wonders happen
beidou: do u have a pen kink or something
sara: how in the world was that what you got from her saying that
kokomi: hi sara!
kokomi: are you free this friday after 6
sara: yeah why
beidou: why does no one dm anyone else in this gc
kokomi: wanna go out lol
kokomi: to work on
kokomi: the project
kokomi: WE CAB WORK AT MY PLACE
miko: that was me once
ei: ?
sara: ok kokomi
ningguang: haven't you been friends with ei since forever
miko: now what does ei have to do with this
ei: oh
miko: ok anyway
miko: it's getting late! gn everyone
sara: i think my life has been irreversibly ruined
ganyu: gn!!