Chapter Text
operation: kokosara COMPLETE!!!
miko: so
ei: hi
miko: Hi
kokomi: ganyu you said today
ganyu: i did say that
miko: SHUT UP
miko: MY GOAL HAS ALREADY BEEN ACHIEVED
kokomi: i was talking about getting ice cream
ganyu: oh yeah can we go at 2
kokomi: yesss
miko: since when are you and ganyu best friends
kokomi: since moana
miko: that was with keqing
keqing: it's the associative property of addition miko...
beidou: no it's the distributive property keqing
beidou: of MULTIPLICATION
miko: ??
ningguang: oh my god
ei: ...it's syllogism
ganyu: .
ganyu: i was going to say congruence
miko: I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE ONE WITH A BRAINCELL GANYU
keqing: Hi
miko: i feel like if ganyu didn't exist keqing would die
ningguang: yes
ei: stop giving her ideas miko
ningguang: ?
sara: finn wolfhard flopped
miko: since when do you
sara: we all know he can act so WHAT HAPPENED!
sara: mbb was carrying that scene so hard you guys don't get it...
sara: mike eleven moment where eleven is in tears and mike kind of just stares off into space and says things with a slightly angry tone IT PISSED ME OFF!!!!!
miko: ? do u like mileven
sara: idgaf about any of the men we've been over this miko. eleven max nancy robin joyce only people ever
sara: AND ERICA!!!!
miko: of course you like joyce. of course you like the milf
ei: ilf you
miko: What
sara: joyce is a nice mom
kokomi: omfg i hate jonathan so much
beidou: YOU GUYS ARE TALKING ABOUT STRANGER THINGS WITHOUT ME!!!!
kokomi: not in like a s4 exclusive way i've always hated him and his backwards emo haircut
kokomi: ganyu's nodding along i'm glad i'm not alone in my hatred!!!
sara: GOD I HATE THAT BITCH
keqing: are you getting ice cream Now
kokomi: yes we're half done already this shit is so good
beidou: robin cleared jonathan
lisa: robin cleared all the men
ningguang: robin cleared steve too
lisa: STEVE 🔥🔥
ganyu: and lucas!!!!!!!
lisa: LUCAS 🔥🔥
keqing: and dustin
lisa: DUSTIN 🔥🔥
beidou: steve is chill i love steve
ningguang: ?
beidou: i mean I HATE steve i can't stand him hashdmhfgAnyway what areyou doing tonight
ningguang: Work.
jean: why have you all watched stranger things
jean: HOW have you
sara: we have lives
jean: a
ningguang: it's called having a work life balance you should try to figure it out sometime
jean: ??
lisa: it's okay sweetie you'll figure it out
jean: don't sweetie me
lisa: i will literally dropkick you
keqing: WHAT
miko: notice how lisa didn't fire mike and will...because they both FLOPPED
miko: just like jonathan
beidou: i used to mix up mike and will all the time
beidou: cuz mike looks like a will and will looks like a mike
ningguang: finally something we can agree on
beidou: ? UR DATING ME
ei: i'm still on season 2 no spoilers
kokomi: joyce dies
ei: WHAT
kokomi: lol
miko: omfg u haven't even met my lesbian queen robin yet!!!!!
ei: i'm a lesbian
miko: we know
keqing: we know
kokomi: we know
ningguang: we know
lisa: we know
jean: we know
beidou: we know
ei: damn okay
kokomi: we're all lesbians
ei: who
kokomi: ? all of us
ei: who ASKED
beidou: OHHHHH
ningguang: beidou i told you stop spreading your humor to other people now look you've gotten ei too
beidou: I AM HILARIOUS
sara: ei and kokomi you need to work out your differences. the hallway incident was ages ago
ei: hm
sara: unless it's something ELSE that makes you two blatantly passive aggressive towards each other
ei: who said i hated kokomi
jean: NO ONE. NO ONE SAID THAT EI
ei: i don't understand what you're getting at
miko: you don't understand a lot of things
ei: ?
kokomi: it's not my fault ei hates me i've tried to make this work.
miko: come onnnn you guys are like my best friends STOP HATING EACH OTHER
ei: oh
kokomi: NOW WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT
miko: IM SICK OF HTIS IDGAF ANYMORE
lisa: right..
miko: SHUT UP LISA
jean: DONT SHUT LISA UP
miko: ei do u want to get dango with me today
miko: kokomi won't be there i promise
ei: Yes
miko: are you free today
miko: all day
ei: erm yes
sara: don't you have a big project that's half of your grade this semester due in two days
ei: i have no idea what you're talking about
ganyu: i mean it's in two days
miko: okay afterward do you want to WAtch netflix 😉😉😉
ei: ok
ei: what movie
miko: A
kokomi: IM GOING TO JUMP
lisa: i thought you didn't CARE anymore miko
keqing: i don't get it
miko: and chill?!?/1
ei: Oh
keqing: elmo's world
ningguang: how does that have anything to do with this conversation
keqing: it doesn't
miko: ei can we go in like an hour Ple
ei: ok
ganyu: elmo kind of freaked me out as a kid
jean: ?
jean: ok maybe you were rocco
beidou: DID YOU JUST INSULT GANYU??? OF ALL PEOPLE??????
keqing: HEY DONT DO THAT
keqing: ganyu the apple of my eye i will Protect you.
beidou: you're the one that needs protecting
keqing: can you kill yourself
jean: ELMO IS AMAZING
ningguang: oh white people
beidou: this gc really makes jean feraler than normal
ningguang: ..feraler
ningguang: god help me i hope you never pick up a pen
keqing: throwback to when i found ningguang's ao3
ningguang: SHUT THE FUCK UP THAT WASNT ME
ningguang: ganyu what do you SEE IN HER
ganyu: <3
keqing: hfhjkfhm
kokomi: today in What Are Ei And Miko Up To
sara: i would say stop stalking your hallwaymates but i'm invested
kokomi: you know what you SHOULD be invested in
sara: ?
kokomi: 10/10 would motorboat again
sara: oh
beidou: erm anyway
keqing: you are not any better
kokomi: they left operation eimiko is a go
beidou: no that was a kokosara thing
kokomi: ok fine we'll call it
kokomi: plan eimiko
sara: that sounds stupid
kokomi: YOU SOUND STUPID
kokomi: sorry
beidou: the relationships in this gc are so crazy cuz ei and miko have had their thing going on for years and there's lisa who tried to seduce jean with a pen
lisa: listen it kind of worked
beidou: no it didn't lisa. no it did not
ganyu: this gc is the downfall of everyone just like i said it was
beidou: it got you a girlfriend though!
keqing: Hi
ganyu: the more gay people in the world the worse.
beidou: GANYU????
ningguang: oh wow people really are switching it up today
beidou: we've all gone through so much together...i'm tearing up a little bit
beidou: from finding out about kokomi and miko...
kokomi: ERM
beidou: ...to ganyu eating a shoe...
ganyu: it wasn't that big of a deal like i said it just happens sometimes. if it hasn't happened to you then good for you but you're missing out
beidou: PLEASE TELL ME YOUR DEALER
kokomi: don't forget ningguang dying
ningguang: ??
ningguang: didn't that happen on the same day
ningguang: you guys are legitimately insane
beidou: oh and the basketball game
beidou: AND THE TENNIS GAME
keqing: this gc has caused me too much trauma i hate all of you (except ganyu) PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM ME
jean: sobbing
ningguang: keqing you have like no other friends stfu
keqing: THATS NOT EVEN TRUE
beidou: and we still don't know whether or not lisa is a government spy
lisa: i already cleared this up i'm not. keep up
beidou: YES MA'AM
ningguang: hey
jean: hey
kokomi: @keqing i got tickets to the moana airing at the theater do u wanna come with me
ningguang: moana came out years ago why is it airing in theaters in 2022
beidou: Fate is funny in that way, sometimes.
ningguang: maybe if i run away fast enough
keqing: YES YES YES
keqing: i'm sorry for all those things i said about you behind your back i love youuu
kokomi: WHAT
ganyu: even miko grew on keqing
lisa: maybe we are her only friends
kokomi: SPEAKING OF MIKO
beidou: guys the first three letters of cumulative is cum
ningguang: we know beidou. we know
kokomi: ?
kokomi: ok anyway SPEAKING OF MIKO
sara: Hello
kokomi: fr think she's going to do it today
kokomi: so basically i followed them
jean: WHAT
kokomi: they are currently buying the tri color dango
kokomi: oh and
kokomi: wow that's a lot of. sweets
beidou: ei likes sweets
sara: we know
beidou: k
ningguang: yae
ningguang: midko
ningguang: yae midko
beidou: shut up ningguang
ningguang: ?
beidou: I MEAN
keqing: i guess we know who the alpha and who the omega of this relationship is
ningguang: oh my god please never say that ever again
lisa: we've known for a while
jean: WHY WOULD YOU WORD IT LIKE THAT?!?
sara: kokomi you've been typing for a while i better have a detailed report by the end of this
keqing: i guess we know who the a
ningguang: NOT THEM TOO
sara: well acutally.. kokomi is the
keqing: Oh
kokomi: ok so miko payed for everything because ei forgot her wallet (again). then she dragged the two of them outside and they sat down by a sakura tree and started digging in. ei really likes sweets god she's eating fast. aww miko just giggled. i can't hear what they're saying... OMFG MIKO JUST PUT HER HEAD ON EI'S SHOULDER.. AND SHE WRAPPED AN ARM AROUND HERS HDSJFHM aww she's basically cuddling into her now... wWHY AREYOU TALKING ABOTU SARA AND MY SEX LIFE WITHHH SARA WHATok anyway ei's face is kind of flushed
beidou: i liked ningguang's recitations better
ningguang: aw thanks
kokomi: EXCUSE ME
sara: KEEP GOING
sara: FASTER
beidou: that's what she said
sara: .
kokomi: okay miko just tried to eat a bite of ei's dango which i THOUGHT wouldn't end well but she actually let her and now ei's face is even redder and she's looking away
ningguang: this is all very canon typical
ningguang: wait i mean
keqing: CANON TYPICAL???
ningguang: THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT
ningguang: this is all expected behavior
ganyu: WAIT OMFG
ganyu: ok but at least they like each other!!!!
beidou: we've known they like each other for a while.
ganyu: at least they're getting somewhere. kind of
sara: erm
ganyu: ok sorry i lied miko liked ei even as a kid and i'm pretty sure ei liked her back then too
kokomi: ok both of them finished eating
kokomi: ei put her head on miko's shoulder too
kokomi: or like they met in the middle idk how to explain
kokomi: miko's kind ofOkay this feels too intimate to describe just rmsdjfkhg
kokomi: she's basically just whispering something in ei's ear
beidou: do you think they saw you
kokomi: i am bush
ganyu: that reminds me keqing weren't you going to write a sonnet
ningguang: i was hoping you would forget that she asked me to review it during class and i told her to go to hell
keqing: i only did the rhyming couplet
ganyu: oh ok
keqing: can i share the rhyming couplet
ganyu: ok!!!!
keqing: okok
beidou: fault in our stars core
ningguang: I HATE THAT BOOK
beidou: same 😭
keqing: oh dear maiden, colored blue / with eyes like stars, i love you
sara: .
lisa: why is it...not terrible
jean: i mean
lisa: it's not AMAZING but...
ningguang: it only got to this point after my help it used to be "ganyu / your hair is blue" LIKE WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE IS THAT
keqing: SHUT UP I DIDNT KNOW WHAT THE POINT OF THE RHYMING COUPLET WAS
ningguang: SEVEN SYLLABLES KEQING
beidou: 😭😭
ganyu: I LOVE IT!!! I LOVE YOU
keqing: I LOVE YOU TOO
ningguang: feeling particularly homophobic today
kokomi: GUYS miko just grabbed ei's hands
beidou: this is just like that scene from
ningguang: sex and the city?
beidou: YEAH!!
sara: it's not like that in the slightest but Whatever
kokomi: it's the moment we've all been waiting for
jean: why am i actually kind of...in tears
lisa: THE FRUITS OF OUR LABOR!
kokomi: miko said something
kokomi: they're both blushing really hard but esp ei lmfao
kokomi: EI SAID SOMETHING
kokomi: THEY INTERLACED THEIR FINGERS AND PUT THEIR FOREHEADS TOGETHER
kokomi: WHATIOFGM
sara: KOKOMI
kokomi: THEY DID IT GUYS!!!!!!
kokomi: THEY FUCKING DID IT
beidou: DID THEY KISS??!?!?
kokomi: YES 😭😭😭😭
lisa: OH MYGFO
ningguang: FUCKING FINALLY
beidou: EIMIKO REAL EIMIKO REAL
sara: OH MY GOD
sara: ARE YOU SERIOUS
sara: YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HWO LONG IVE HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS
ganyu: THINK ABOU TME SARA. I AM BEYOND ELATED RIGHT NWO LWISJKDFHMSG
keqing: WOFMSDKDSKJDHF EI AND MIKO ?!??!?!
jean: LESBIANS REAL WHAT THE HELL
miko: now what happened here
kokomi: time for my escape.
miko: DID YOU JUST NARRATE OUR ENTIRE
miko: WHAT
miko: YOURE SO DEAD SANGONOMIYA
ei: :)))))
ei: wduhmsfg
beidou: so it worked out well..?
miko: of course it did no one can resist my charms.
beidou: CONGRATULATISON
beidou: CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!
ningguang: CONGRATULATIONS
ganyu: OMG IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS
keqing: EIMIKO FTW!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS
jean: WOOOO CONGRATS
lisa: CONGRATS!!!!
kokomi: CONGRATULATIONS AGAIN
sara: CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lisa re-named the groupchat to "EIMIKO fanclub!!!!!"
ei: kokomi i do not hate you Sorry for everything i've said and done
kokomi: no worries
kokomi: still a little scared though
beidou: i'd argue that miko is the scarier one in the relationship
miko: ^_^
beidou: shuddering
ei: now your goal really is complete hm?
miko: haha very funny ei
sara: good night everyone. i will sleep peacefully knowing that eimiko canon
miko: gn ei
miko: and everyone else
ningguang: oh wow
ei: :)
ei: good night!