Chapter Text
It was his own self imposed guilt that changed Eddie’s life forever.
Most guys on the team took optional skate days as the designated “sleep in” days and Eddie had been so tempted, it wasn’t even funny. But it had only been a few months since the beginning of the season— since Eddie’s jersey held the white blocked A on his shoulder and it was a responsibility he could already feel the weight of dragging his skates into the ice.
It was an honor really; three years prior and Eddie had been in a new city with a new team after a blindside trade that ended up being the best thing for him in the long run but still stung all the same. Los Angeles was his home and despite the smog and the god awful traffic, it had been like a breath of fresh air his lungs didn’t know he needed.
The freedom of a new start made him play harder to stay and try as he might, even the stamp of admiration on his chest wasn’t enough to keep away the guilt that was nagging at the back of his mind as his alarm pulled him from a deep sleep.
Besides, he liked a quiet rink.
Eddie had only just set his bag down in his stall, waving hello to Chimney, who was getting a few miles in on the bike while it was free, when DuPoint—Dewie— came barreling into the locker room.
“Diaz, you gotta see this.”
The kid didn’t even wait to see if Eddie would follow, snatching his phone up from his own stall before he turned on his heel and ran down the tunnel to the ice without a second glance. Eddie lifted a brow as he looked at Chimney but Chimney just shrugged, chomping on his gum as he rolled his eyes.
“They act like they’ve never seen a ballet dancer before,” Chimney said before tipping his head. “Though some of them wouldn’t know a ballet slipper if it hit them in the head so it’s possible.”
Ballet dancer?
“What are you talking about?”
Chimney smacked his gum and waved in the direction where Dewie had disappeared down the tunnel.
“See for yourself.”
The signs stating, “ICE CLOSED. NO SKATE.” had been haphazardly thrown on walls and stanchions with scotch tape that was already peeling on the edges but Eddie ignored them.
The cold brisk air was like heaven on Eddie’s skin as he stepped out into the rink. A handful of the guys on the team were clustered together, whispering and laughing behind their hands like a couple of old small town gossips as they watched what was going on on the ice.
At first, he didn’t see what all the fuss was about. The heavy lingering scent of damp haze settled on his skin like humidity in a too cold space. He bit back a grimace. The ice always felt slick and wet whenever people threw haze on it. But as Eddie peered through the mist and joined his teammates over the side, Eddie finally saw him.
Eddie’s heart slammed twice in rapid succession in his chest— thump thump— against his breastbone and he was pretty sure he could’ve been bulled over by every massive Russian in the league and he wouldn’t have noticed. Wouldn’t have cared if it meant still getting to see him.
When Chimney had said ballet dancer, Eddie had expected tulle and wobbly pointe shoes threatening to break an ankle. Maybe a perfectly pointed finger as a girl was lifted up into the air with an expression of pure romantic bliss softening her face. What he hadn’t been expecting was one lone dancer, a man with legs that went on for days and muscles in his back that coiled under powdered skin. The kohl around his eyes made the blues of his irises stand out like two sharp glistening gem stones. A streak of black started at the hairline of gelled back hair and down down the bridge of his nose making him look fierce and mysterious, almost deadly despite the graceful power of his pose. His arms were drawn back like wings ready to take flight and Eddie wasn’t quite sure he wouldn’t.
He looked like a swan. A magnificent powerful swan.
He was beautiful.
He also looked downright frozen to the bone. In nothing more than a pair of peculiar pants with ruffled fabric like feathers and his bare feet on the ice, Eddie was practically shivering in sympathy. The dancer dropped from his pose and immediately wrapped his arms around himself, shuffling his legs back and forth like he was trying to keep the blood flowing in his limbs as he stepped on the small square of carpet the photographer was standing on.
Dewie and the others guffawed out loud snickering snorts that shot across the otherwise empty arena like stones to the window of whatever world the swan had created. The swan and camera crew shot them a handful of withering looks and the swan narrowed his eyes before he curled his arms tighter around himself, making his biceps bulge, and looked away.
A heat crawled up Eddie’s throat.
Shit.
“Don’t you have anywhere else to be?” Eddie drawled. His teammates turned to him each with a smile frozen on their faces before they dropped into at least an inch of chagrin.
“You’ve got to admit, boss,” Viktor, a left wing from Belgium, said. He’d been calling Eddie boss for as long as they’d known each other and no matter how many times Eddie told him to knock it off, it stuck. Viktor waved a helpless hand to the dancer on the ice. “He looks silly.”
“He looks more graceful on the ice barefoot than any of you on a pair of skates. Maybe show our guest some respect. If you’re going to laugh then hit the gym.”
Honestly, they should’ve known better, Viktor especially, instead of acting like a couple of rookies. The group grumbled as some opted to leave, muttering under their breath like children but none of them fought back. Eddie may have only been twenty-eight but that was practically middle age for hockey and nothing made Eddie feel older than his years than having to be an absolute buzzkill to a bunch of twenty something year olds. But they’d learn.
Hockey was a rough sport but Athena held her team’s behavior with an iron fist. The faintest whiff of an ego was met with an ass to a bench and she expected her captains and assistant captains to maintain that decorum.
The swan snuck another glance up and Eddie curled a fist tight at his side to keep from doing something ridiculous like waving. But then the swan looked away and sighed as he stepped back out onto the ice, walking carefully so he didn’t slip and dropped into position. Eddie’s mouth dried as the swan’s expression turned fierce, his arms arched up and back as if poised for flight again. The camera snapped as a light flashed and the swan arched up into another new position, the bend in his arms just as powerful as the last but protective in the way it was covering his body. Another snap, another flash, and Eddie could only watch as the swan moved again only to drop down into a wince.
Eddie rocked onto his toes, half expecting for those feathered pants to go flying as the swan slipped, but he just stood and shook out his leg.
“Hen?” The swan called, his voice echoing across the arena. “Do you have any tape?”
“KT?” A woman called back from where she was bundled to the side. She shook her head. “I don’t think so. Do you need a break?”
Wordlessly, the swan nodded as he walked out of the misty haze of the rink and down the carpeted path to the opposite end.
He shot one last glance over in Eddie’s direction and for a moment it was like that icy blue gaze pierced right through him and pinned him by his heart.
Thump thump.
Two rapid beats against his chest, loud enough that Eddie was sure he had to have heard it, and then the swan was gone.
The stress was making Buck’s skin buzz along with the shivering cold.
The shoot wasn’t going well. Buck could tell it wasn’t going well even if no one was saying it. And it’s fine. Bad shoots happen but Buck can’t help but latch onto the stress and rub it all over himself until his skin was prickly with it.
Bobby was taking a huge risk. On the ballet. On Buck. The last thing Buck wanted to do was wreck everything just because he couldn’t do something as simple as a photo shoot for the promotional materials.
Though, he could’ve done without the audience.
Laughing at him.
They’d been laughing at him.
Not that it mattered. Buck had been dealing with guys like that his whole life. Guys that didn’t understand the discipline and focus it took to do what he did. Guys that laughed and pointed and made him feel small when normally he was too big for a room.
Maybe it was the arena too that was making his skin feel too tight over his shoulders. He hadn’t been there even before—
No.
Buck shivered as he shook out his legs, trying to keep his muscles loose while he looked through his bag for some tape. It was a lost cause he knew because Maddie was always the one who brought that stuff but he tried in vain anyway.
That had been another thing he couldn’t help but poke at; Maddie’s absence like a gaping hole at his side, leaving him feeling open and exposed. But she’d been looking for apartments and as much as Buck wanted her with him, he wanted out of the hell hole of their apartment even more. They hadn’t been exactly penniless but it had been a close thing. Rebuilding took careful planning even if the spot you decided to plant roots had been a spontaneous choice.
The right choice too.
At the time, Buck had been sleeping on the couch in a craftsman in Arcadia with at least five other guys that let Buck crash for a hundred bucks a month. But then Abby had happened and then… well… Abby had stopped happening and it felt wrong to keep sleeping at her place but then Maddie came running and Buck wasn’t about to deny her a bed while she tried to get her feet under herself. The few months without having to pay rent had helped Buck save up some funds to get an apartment with Maddie where Maddie’s salary and Buck’s income from dancing and teaching a couple of classes of five year olds at a local ballet studio had kept a roof over their heads. But now? Now that he was a principal soloist at Bobby’s company? They actually had the funds to get a decent apartment where the roof didn’t leak and there was parking included on the lease!
“I’ll be fine, Mads!” Buck had said to her when she realized she’d double booked.
And now he was regretting even suggesting he would be anything but a disaster without Maddie around.
Another violent shiver wrecked up his spine and made his muscles tense and Buck bit out a curse as he stopped his fruitless search to plant himself in front of the space heater. Why did they have to pick somewhere so fucking cold?
The knock was tentative as Buck dropped to the bench and stretched out his leg.
“Come in,” he said, hating just a little that his jaw was trembling. He’d bundled up the moment he’d gotten into his green room but if anything, the soothing comfort of his boots and sweater made him even colder.
Buck flexed his foot and bent over at his hip, half expecting Hen to tell him what a terrible job he was doing even though she would never— mostly. But she didn’t say anything and it wasn’t until someone cleared their throat that he realized it wasn’t Hen at all but the hot guy from the side of the rink.
Up close he was even more startlingly gorgeous in person. A jawline and cheekbones that were covered in dark stubble. Soft looking brown hair that Buck’s fingers itched to run through. A tiny freckle under his golden brown eyes and a small smile that made his whole face light up even though he was trying to hide it.
It had been hard not to notice him, even harder to look away, and something in Buck’s chest fluttered when he realized he’d been looking back.
But it had been easy to look away when he realized he’d been laughing at him with his friends.
Buck frowned as he narrowed his eyes.
“Can I help you?”
He was fully aware that hot hockey guy was in painfully tight jeans and a warm looking sweater and boots while Buck was in the fluffy swan pants that captured his every inhale and caked in white makeup.
But hot guy just stared at him and Buck’s frown turned into a scowl.
“I’ve heard all the jokes before so you can just get them out now—”
Buck stopped, his eyes landing on the small round of tape in the man’s hands.
“I… uh…” the hot guy said as he turned quiet and bashful in an instant. “I heard you say— I had some in my locker. Here!”
Buck stiffened as he got closer and the hot hockey guy stopped as his eyes widened but only for a moment. Only a single moment where the air between them turned electric and lit up Buck’s skin until he was practically buzzing with goosebumps. But then hot guy stepped closer and handed Buck the tape with a slow, careful stretch of his arm.
His fingers were warm as they touched Buck’s. Warm and addictive and making Buck wish more than anything to feel them gliding across his skin. But hot hockey guy pulled away and gave him some space just as fast.
“Thank you,” Buck said, the tightness in his chest loosening a little as he held the thoughtful gesture in the palm of his hand.
Hot hockey guy shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. I also wanted to come in and apologize about the others.”
The others being his friends who had been laughing it up as Buck struggled through every pose frozen on the ice only for the photographer to frown at his preview.
“It’s fine,” Buck said quickly, unlacing his heavy pants so he could get his calf taped and out of the icy circle of hell.
Hot hockey guy smiled at him like he didn’t believe him and he was charming in a slightly annoying way.
“They’re harmless. Idiots but harmless. They forget not everyone spends hours with them in the locker room.”
Buck was doubtful he’d be welcomed in the hockey team’s locker room but he kept that to himself.
“It’s fine,” Buck said again. “Really. I’ve heard worse. Thank you for the tape—”
“Eddie,” Hot Hockey— Eddie said with a smile like there was nothing more in the world he wanted than for Buck to know his name. “Eddie Diaz.”
It was a good name. It suited him.
“Eddie,” Buck said, standing up; letting his tongue savor the taste of his name in his mouth. “I’m Buck.”
“Hi,” Eddie said and the breathlessness made Buck smile.
“Hi.”
“You look amazing out there.”
And Buck was sure he was just saying it but he couldn’t help but preen a little under the attention.
“Thank you.” Eddie didn’t even so much as bat an eye as Buck dropped his heavy swan pants and stood there in nothing but his active dance shorts. His gaze traveled down Buck’s chest, slow like he was in a trance before he yanked his eyes back up with a barely there swallow. Huh. That was… something. “Sorry we took your rink.”
Eddie waved his hand between them as Buck rolled off some tape and propped up his leg. “Don’t worry about it. It’s an optional skate day anyways. Most of the team are just happy to sleep in. What exactly are you guys doing? Is this like a dance or…”
“Swan Lake,” Buck answered easily.
“You’re the swan right?” And that caught Buck by surprise but then again he was starting to realize that Eddie Diaz was full of them.
He nodded and wondered if Eddie knew what that meant. “You should come see it.”
Yeah right. Buck almost kicked himself the moment the words were out there. He played them back almost instantly and beat back the urge to cringe at his own eagerness. You should come see it? What was he? Thirteen?
But Buck had been around hockey players before. They breathed ice and thrived in carefully constructed chaos. The last place any of them would be caught dead would be in a theatre watching a bunch of half naked men dancing around like swans. Sure, the NHL was trying to make changes for the better when it came to diversity in the sport but it moved with a pace like any other cooperate enterprise: slowly with hollow promises for wheels.
But then Eddie said, “Okay. I can’t promise I’ll really understand what’s going on but I’ll give it a shot.”
That fluttering came back tenfold in Buck’s chest and he thanked all the makeup still caked onto his skin for hiding the way he was sure his face was burning with a blush.
“Well it’s still not for another couple of months but—”
“That’s even better. Gives me a chance to get a ticket.”
Buck stared at Eddie and tried to remember if he fell and hit his head on the ice. There was no way Eddie was real. There was no way Eddie was real and noticing Buck. But there he was smiling and charming and staring at Buck like he was maybe one of the most beautiful things he’d ever seen.
It was too much and not enough and Buck found himself ducking his head as he reached down to grab his swan pants and hoist them back up onto his hips. His fingers trembled as he tried to lace them back but then everything seemed to stop as warm— so warm — hands nestled up against his hip and curled into the fabric.
“Let me help,” Eddie said, his voice so close, it made Buck shiver as it caressed down his throat in a fanning of his breath.
Eddie held the heavy fabric up and Buck was quick to lace himself back in.
“This stuff is almost as heavy as our gear.” Eddie marveled while Buck tightened the lacing so it wouldn’t pull down his hips.
“Yeah,” Buck breathed, still so painfully aware of how close Eddie was. Each one of his knuckles was like a searing spot on his hip that seeped the chill out of his skin. He cleared his throat. Get a grip, Buck! “Try jumping in it.”
When he was done, Eddie held on for a moment longer before he let go and everything sort of faded away as he looked up at Buck. Eddie was almost as tall as Buck and Buck only had a few inches above him but with Eddie looking at him like that, like he didn’t want to look away, like maybe he wanted to kiss him, it was like they were two giants stuck in the clouds with the world below them and out of the way.
“Can I ask you a question?” Eddie asked and Buck could only stare at his lips as he nodded. “Are you wearing Uggs?”
It took Buck a moment too long for his brain to catch up before he caught the affronted tone of voice. He dropped his gaze down to his boots before glaring at him.
“Excuse you,” Buck said. “These Uggs are warm and some of us are trying not to lose a toe to frostbite.”
Eddie laughed as he stepped back— taking his heat with him— and held up his hands. It was a nice sound, his laugh. “Fair enough. Well, I won’t keep you. I hope to see you around Buck.”
The thought of seeing Eddie again had a smile cracking across Buck’s face. Even if it was just a fantasy.
“Wait don’t forget—” he said, grabbing Eddie’s tape.
“Keep it,” Eddie said and then like a dream, he was gone.