Chapter Text
“Jimin, keep your back straight, arms loose. Make sure to grip with your legs. How many times do I have to tell you?” Mr. Ross corrected him. Jimin tried to follow what he said, but his form and his riding ability were never enough. Why was he never enough? Young Jimin has been riding for years. You'd think he would have this down by now. He kicked the side of Sunny and rounded the corner again, getting ready for another run, picking up speed to make the ride as smooth as possible. He had a show coming up and he didn’t want to disappoint anyone. So many people would be watching.
Jimin took the corner and straightened them out but the timing was off just a bit and he missed the first bar, knocking it over and throwing off the whole set. Mr. Ross just shook his head and looked at him with clear disappointment on his face.
“Jimin, do you really want this or not?” Mr. Ross asked when Jimin came to a stop in front of him. “You're not showing me you want this today. What’s wrong? Your head is not in it.”
“I’m sorry,'' eight year old Jimin said. “I will try harder I promise.”
The young Alpha loved riding horses more than anything in the world. But not like this. He didn’t want to ride for shows. He didn’t like to perform or make the horse perform either. Jimin just wanted to run free, a calling that his wolf craved even at such an early age. He wanted to feel the wind blow through his hair. Feel the thunder under his feet. When he was riding Sunny he felt free, no worries in the world. He felt strong like he could do anything up there on the back of his horse.
Now he had no choice but to ride for show. His parents paid good money for these lessons, and he didn’t want that or Mr. Ross’s time to go to waste. He made a promise to himself that when he was older he would only ride for fun. So, with that in mind, he rounded the corner again to run the set, managing to finish on a high note without knocking any down. He happily trotted Sunny around the arena a few times before he rode him to the barn.
Jimin patted his neck and talked to him. Praising him. “You're such a good boy Sunny,” he said as he dismounted the horse. Jimin walked him into the stall like he always did, pulling over the stool to stand on. Once he was inside he unhooked his saddle and let Sunny breathe. He struggled with taking it off his back but he always wanted to do it on his own. Once it was off he hung it over the rack. Then he brushed off Sunny and gave him some water and a treat. He was just finishing with Sunny when Mr. Ross came running out to Jimin with a look on his face Jimin had never seen before.
“What’s wrong Mr. Ross?” He asked.
“Come sit down. I need to talk to you.” He said. Motioning for him to sit at his side.
“If you're going to yell at me about how I rode today I’m sorry. I will fix it before the show.” Jimin huffed. He was a little tired of hearing how badly he did today. Something was just off, he couldn't explain it.
“No, Jimin, that's not it. Please come here,” the old man said and by the look on his face, Jimin felt like he had no choice.
Jimin slowly walked to him and sat down. He didn’t understand why he felt so scared, but something about the look in his eyes and the tone of his voice had him afraid.
“Please tell me now.” Jimin begged. Looking him in the eyes.
Mr. Ross tried to settle his voice and began. His voice was trembling.
“Jimin, there was a terrible accident.” Jimin’s heart stopped. “Yu-jun was in a terrible crash. I’m so sorry Jimin” he wrapped his arms around the small boy. “Your Appa is at the scene now but there is nothing he could do, nothing anyone could have done.”
Jimin zoned out half way through. He saw his mouth moving but he heard no sound. Mr. Ross had to regain his attention. Jimin couldn't believe what he was hearing, nothing seemed real. His Omega parent was gone. How can that be? He screamed as loud as he could and ran right to Sunny tears falling from his eyes. When he reached him he placed his small hands on either side of his face, stroking him gently as he cried. He rested his head there against Sunny's and wept just holding his face. After a short time he picked up his head again which felt so heavy and started rubbing his hands down his neck again and again.
How could this happen? It’s all his fault. He couldn’t think straight, all he knew was he needed to get away. So he jumped on Sunny’s back without a saddle and ran off. Mr. Ross was calling after him but he didn’t hear a thing. He knew he would get scolded later but he didn’t care. Sunny loved him and responded to him the best. They would be fine.
Jimin’s mind was clouded with thoughts as he sobbed.
“If I didn’t beg to ride all the time, if I wasn’t at the stables today, Appa never would have died. He was on his way to pick me up. We would still be a happy family right now if it wasn’t for my love of horses.”
It took a long time for his Alpha parent, Minguk to come and pick him up. When he did he tried to act brave for their young pup but Jimin could tell from his scent how sad his Appa was.
That terrible day was the last time Jimin ever saw Sunny again. The pain was just too great. Both father and son avoided horses all together for years. What he centered his world around as a young child now was never spoken of again and Jimin’s trauma from that day never seemed to heal.
It wasn’t until a couple of years later when his father had introduced Jimin to therapy that he started to be able to deal with his emotions. The therapy involved animal play, which he was hesitant to be a part of at first, but he soon felt his heart begin to heal as he was reintroduced to cats, dogs, bunnies, and more. After only a few sessions, Jimin noticed how his father also seemed to be smiling more as their bond began to strengthen over the course of their shared sessions.
Even the therapist had suggested that they both had the tools they needed to continue healing on their own, Jimin often asked his father to return to the small animal farm, always making sure to stop by to say hello to his therapist. Their visits went on for years as he grew from a child to a teenager, becoming more in tune with his wolf along the way; just another way the therapy helped him. It was clear how inspired he had been by his early experience, often expressing how he wanted to help others the same way his therapist had helped him. So, it came as no surprise to the people around Jimin when he chose a similar path for his college studies once he graduated high school.
He worked through college with determination with a clear direction for his future. He had so much to credit his early childhood therapy for; his happiness, rekindled love for animals, and success in his studies. The faint memories of those dark days before his father found him help was what gave him his drive. Because of that, he graduated with honors and immediately opened his own practice to start helping others in need as quickly as possible.
Three years later, Jimin’s practice was thriving. He’d lost count how many lives he had helped change. From the outside looking in he had the perfect life. He was successful, good looking and well liked. If you were to take a closer look you would see that Jimin, like his patients, had a trauma he hadn’t quite let go of and it was eating him up inside. He needed to face his past to move forward.
Jimin decided to take a look deep within himself and get to the root of the problem. After a long reflection period he decided he needed to face his fears. He thought about how he could do that. He went to his Appa for advice and told him how he felt. Minguk was saddened to know his sweet baby was still struggling with this after all these years. He thought that this was all in the past. Appa suggested going back to being around horses again. Slowly introducing them into his life. Jimin agreed that was a good start to healing but could he do it?
In the following days between patients and his duties he took the first step, which was looking for places to ride. After looking he found a place that just called out to him. He couldn’t really explain why but it did so he hesitantly called their number. His hands were trembling and he began to sweat. All over just a stupid phone call. After a couple of rings which felt like an eternity a gentle sweet voice picked up the line.
“Healing Touch Stables Annabelle speaking. How may I help you?”
“Oh, hello. I was looking for a place to come riding and I came across your site online.” Jimin hesitated.
“Sure we have horses you can ride. Do you have experience or are you a beginner?” She asked.
“I’m not a beginner but it has been many years.” Jimin mumbled suddenly, feeling nervous again.
“We have guided trail riding that follows a ride leader or we have a free ride where you can take the horse for a ride through our ranch on your own if you're experienced.” She said, “But first we would need you to come in and meet my husband and I as well as the horses before any solo riding will take place. They have to feel safe with you before we can allow the rider to take them out alone.
The line was silent for a few moments. “Are you still there?” She asked.
“Yes I’m sorry. I understand, can we make time to meet?” He asked.
Jimin knew all too well about how intuitive horses could be and how they can read a person's emotions. That had him on edge. He could fool his Appa, he could lie to himself even. But a horse would know his true intentions.
“Sure sweetie, when do you want to set it up?” Annabelle asked. “All weekends are free and some nights are available upon request. Just let me know what time works best for you”
So they book a visit for the next weekend. Jimin sighed as he hung up the phone. “Well that’s the first step,” He thought.
Jimin could hardly focus at work these days, too lost in his own thoughts and fears of what this weekend would bring. A few times he wanted to cancel the whole thing, asking himself what he was thinking. Old thoughts started to creep back into his mind.
“You can’t do this. He’s gone because of you.”
He stared off at the wall tear stained face when his Appa walked into the room.
“Baby what’s wrong? Why are you crying? I could smell smoky tobacco filling the space before I ever reached you.” Minguk said.
“I’m okay, Appa. I was just lost in thought. That’s all.” Jimin gave him a half smile. “I took your advice and researched places to ride. I found a place I think will be a perfect fit for me.” Jimin went quiet after that, his Appa filled in the rest.
“But it brought back old memories huh?” His father whispered, rubbing his back.
Jimin sniffled and nodded his head as new tears ran down his cheeks. “Appa I thought I was over this. It’s been so many years. I’m a therapist for christ sakes and I am still crying over something that happened almost 20 years ago.”
“It’s okay to feel this way sometimes. You lost your parent, son. it’s not a small thing you went through. There is no time limit to how long we can grieve for them or how we do it.”
Jimin wiped his eyes and laughed. “Listen to you, Appa. Sounding like a therapist. Been hanging around me too long I think. But you're right. Thank you Appa. You always know the right thing to say.” Jimin said as he hugged his Appa tight.
“So I’m going this weekend to visit the ranch to meet the owners and talk to them. I really hope it goes well.” Jimin mumbled into Minguk's chest.
“Well I know you need this so I hope it goes well for you, too. Please just promise me one thing,” his Appa said. “Give yourself time, okay? Take it slow. I know you. You will want immediate change and that will probably not happen. It’s going to take some time and some trust between you and the horses you're introduced to.” Minguk looked him in the eye and spoke gently.
Jimin agreed he knew his Appa was right. Soon the air around them returned to his normal leather and birch wood scent.
The rest of the week passed by in a flash. Now he was standing outside the entrance of Healing Touch Stables willing himself to go in. Stepping over the threshold should be easy, but here he was, still outside the gates. Fear grounded his feet in place like a ton of bricks. Why was he so afraid though? It’s not like it’s the same ranch, people and horses or anything.
“I shouldn’t be feeling this way still.” He chastised himself.
After standing there for a while, Jimin was suddenly startled by the sound of someone behind him.
“Do you need any help?”
Jimin clutched his racing heart as he turned to face the man who just asked him that question. “Oh you scared me.” He said. “I’m meeting Annabelle and Conner at two.” He stuttered suddenly, feeling shy. This man must have seen him standing there looking dumb and afraid for sometime now.
“Okay, I can help show you where to go. Follow me this way.” The young man said.
“Thank you.” Jimin muttered. “Well it’s now or never.” Jimin thought. They walked through the gate and to the right where a small office building sat.
“Annabelle is just inside,” the young man said as he turned to walk away.
Jimin knocked and opened the door. He carefully stepped inside and looked around. A woman he assumed was Annabelle was sitting behind a desk.
“Hello, you must be Jimin,” the Omega said,
“Yes. And you must be Annabelle. It’s nice to meet you.” Jimin smiled and greeted her back.
“Connor will be here in a couple minutes. He is out on a guided ride. They should be back anytime now.” She smiled. “Then we will give you a tour of our ranch and answer any questions you may have.”
“Okay.” Jimin said looking at the pictures hung on the wall. About ten minutes later Conner stepped into the office and greeted Jimin with a smile.
“Hello, your Jimin right?” Mr. Connor asked. “I’m sorry I’m running a little behind. One of the horses decided to act up on the trail. I had to calm him down."
"Oh it's no problem. I was just looking around at all your beautiful pictures." Jimin replied to the Alpha.
“Well, are you ready to tour the ranch?” Mr. Conner asked.
“We would be glad to show you around our happy little world.” Annabelle spoke with adoration. “This ranch is our everything.”
Jimin smiled and nodded, anxious but ready.
“Straight ahead of us is our riding ring,” the other Alpha said once they were out of the office and approaching the ring. Jimin looked it over but at a safe distance. They continue to walk to the right. “Over here are our two pastures for the horses to roam.” Jimin liked the size of the pastures; he thought that they had plenty of room to roam. Now they were walking up to the barn for the main event. The horses were just inside.
Jimin’s heartbeat picked up tenfold. They entered the right side entrance and Conner explained that this was the tac shed. It was full of all the tools and brushes and equipment they needed for the upkeep of the horses. Conner slid open the big door that led to the main barn. Jimin was afraid they would be able to hear how loud his heart was beating his ribcage. The couple walked into the barn and started talking to the horses and asked Jimin a question only to find he was not behind them.
”Jimin, are you okay?” Annabelle asked carefully as she walked back to the doorway.
He was standing there staring off into the barn lost in space. She rubbed his arm gently.
“Are you afraid of the horse's son? I thought you wanted to ride them.” She reminded him.
“Oh no. I’m sorry. I’m not afraid of horses in the way you think I am.” He laughed bitterly. “Let’s go in now.” He shook his head in self shame.
The barn housed eight stalls for the eight beauties they kept there. When Jimin stepped into the barn for the first time in twenty years he was instantly taken back to when he was a child. It was like no time had passed. The smell was the same, the sounds the horses made were the same. The way Jimin felt inside was exactly the same. He was paralyzed with fear and sadness. It should be happy memories but all he can think about is his Appa. It was all there like no time had passed since he was eight. Annabelle lovingly tried to introduce him to each horse but he really needed to get out of there and fast.
“I’m feeling a little overwhelmed. Can we go outside now? I will meet them all next time.” Jimin suggested feeling bad about cutting her off.
Once they left the barn from the left exit they walked out into an area where the guided trail tours begin through the mountain property we own. It's a beautiful ride and we take a rest and it’s a great place to take pictures. We have a flowing stream along the way that ends into a pool. After they see that it is on to the last part which is our home it sits by a beautiful pond. Our house has four bedrooms. We always longed for children but we were never able to conceive.
Jimin looked at the house. It was a beautiful rustic farmhouse. It had a full wrap around porch. On the front by the door there was a nice wooden swing for two with pretty pillows set on it. He could imagine himself rocking back and forth as he looked out over the pond each day. After viewing the whole ranch they stopped out by the riding ring.
“Do you have any questions for us Jimin?” Conner asked. “What do you think of our little world we have here?”
“It’s really beautiful here. Everything is just gorgeous.” Jimin said with a smile. “I would love to come visit again soon. Maybe meet the horses next time.” He mumbled feeling ashamed about not giving them a chance to introduce them today. “I’m sorry I cut you off earlier but I have a history I am trying to overcome. Maybe one day I can share that with the both of you but for now thank you for the tour. I hope you will allow me to come again and try to meet the horses.” Jimin said with the best smile he could muster up right now feeling shame, sadness and guilt all building up at once.
His eyes began to fill with tears and he needed to leave as soon as possible so he didn’t cry in front of these sweet people on the very first visit. Jimin quickly walked to the gate and got into his car. When the door closed, the dam broke and the tears he had been holding back rushed down his face like a raging river. He sat in his car for about twenty minutes and cried and cried but when he was finished he felt cleansed. The pain was lighter.
He was relieved to have gone through with it today even though it was hard. The memories of his past brought back up. But he also remembered the good times he had on the ranch. How much he loved riding Sunny, how free he felt up there on the horse's back.
Once Jimin could see clearly again he pulled out of the ranch drive and headed back home. He needed a long hot shower and something to eat. After his shower he called his Appa and told him about how it went today. As Jimin had more time to calm down and think things over after his breakdown he thought he could really become comfortable there again, given some time.