Chapter Text
Ratchet’s tanks swirled uneasily as he stood in the dark. The room around him was dimly lit from the green light emanating from the computer sitting against the wall. The outside world was a terrible kind of still. Ratchet didn’t think that he would ever get used to it. Even the endless void of space had been better because you at least knew that there wasn’t anything around to watch you, but on Earth that was not the case.
He didn’t quite understand the appeal that his beloved Optimus held for Earth. He listened to Optimus go on for hours about the beauties of Earth and the interesting things he found about the planet and the people here.
He and Optimus had always had a quiet and private relationship. Ratchet assumed that everyone around him knew about it and just opted to not harass him about it, much to his relief.
He sighed pacing around his work bench in silence. Optimus was away at the moment, on the other side of the planet negotiating better resources with the World Nations and he would be away for another day yet. Half a day, he supposed, upon glancing at the clock.
He wondered if his unease could be felt through the block Optimus had put up to focus on the delegations. Ratchet knew that he might be questioned about what was wrong later on.
He had been having some concerning symptoms for the past few months now. He had assumed it was an oddly placed heat cycle. They grew irregular in times of extreme stress, and in this day and age, that was all the time. But the symptoms had gone on for far longer than what was typical for him and there was something gnawing in the back of his conscience.
Despite the trying times, he and Optimus tended to maintain a certain level of intimacy. It was a regular thing for them, but they had always been so careful. Circuit breakers that were maintained and checked regularly. Cycle tracking. Firewall codes and protections….
They hadn’t really stopped to think about it the last time they merged post overload.
He shook his helm. This was just for his own confirmation. Just to rule it out. Just because he was paranoid…. There just wasn’t anyway. It was just irregularities and they would most certainly pass.
Just because he got a HUD notification about his parental protocols activating doesn’t necessarily mean he was carrying. It could be a number of things, honestly. It could be a hormonal imbalance, a very muted heat cycle, or maybe it was just stress arousal manifesting in an odd way. Some valve or gland may be inflamed. Maybe it was even an internal misdiagnosis.
Well, whatever it was, it would pass. The symptoms would pass and he would be back to normal in a little while. Yes. That was it.
He took a deep breath looking down at the test that sat face down on the table. He was being paranoid. He was going to turn that test over and it was going to be negative.
But what if it was positive?
His internals churned at the thought. He and Optimus had always wanted and dreamed about starting a family. It was well within reach since their spark types were spectral complimentary. It wouldn’t be overly difficult if they just stopped putting things in the way…
But who was he kidding. This was war. This was not the time or the place. To bring a child into this horrible conflict was a terrible idea. He had watched far too many younglings perish the the rubble of bombings and cities falling. A dizzying nausea washed over him when he thought about what kind of repercussions there would be if Megatron found out that Optimus had an heir.
He looked back at the test again. If it was positive, the only way out would be to have a termination…
No, he couldn’t even go there. He didn’t have any of the proper equipment, and if he was carrying he knew exactly when it happened… and it was far too late for an ethical termination.
He would be a burden on the team if he was. Eventually he wouldn’t have the room to transform with a sparkling in his chassis. He wouldn’t be able to run…
He shook his helm. No. He wouldn’t go down that rabbit hole. Nothing good would come out of that.
What were the chances of him actually carrying? Come on. He was being silly as it was. It was just a confirmation of a negative, if anything. With all the precautions they had in place one little slip up wasn’t an issue. They just wouldn’t do it again. They would be more mindful. This anxiety was a reminder that they still had responsibilities.
He would have a talk with Optimus when he got home and tell him how he felt about the last merge they had. It was just a reminder that the both of them still needed to be mindful!
He chuckled to himself. He really was just paranoid. That was the only reason why he was up at this ridiculous hour. He had just been working too hard again! Optimus would really have it out for him this time. He was going to properly dispose of this most definitely negative test and then go recharge. He would even treat himself to sleeping in just a little bit!
He slowly reached down and picked up the test off the counter taking a look down at it. See, it was….
His spark flipped in its chamber in a weird uncomfortable way. His mind tore between overwhelming joy and dread all at once. He felt his ventilations halt involuntarily as invisible pins and needles prickled at his face. Anxiety washed over him in a new fresh wave.
“Shit…”