Chapter Text
MANPOSTING: EPISODE ONE
~~SCRIPT DRAFT~~
[Shot: Camera panning towards a mahogany desk. Background, a roiling cloud made from seemingly cinnamon-flavoured polygonal angles of flesh. Behind the desk, Dirk Strider. No comment is made on the cloud.]
DIRK: Welcome back folks. I'm sure everyone's ready for another rousing round of Manposting. I know I am. Aren't you, LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE?
LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE: [The sound of bones crunching is played at maximum volume through a shitty speaker. It reverberates.]
DIRK: Ha-ha, me too!
DIRK: On to the main event: Brians! We all have one.
[Dirk shuffles a handful of cue cards.]
DIRK: Oh, silly me! We all have brains, not Brians! Ha-ha!
[A sign behind Dirk reads "LAUGH NOW".]
[Bones crunch again. Shittier this time.]
DIRK: Well, folks, this has been great, but I think it's time to wrap things up!
DIRK: ...
DIRK: ...
DIRK: We didn't get to the main event?
DIRK: How sad. Well, there's always next time!
[SHOT: The camera pans away from Dirk slowly. A title card reads "MANPOSTING. Fade to black. Fade to blacker black. Fade to void.]
[A mouth appears, then another. More, until the camera is surrounded.]
["Why are you still here?" they say in unison.]
["Show's over."]
[The mouths close in on you.]
[You wake up.]