Work Text:
Youre asleep in your bed when you hear a noise. its coming from the closet, that you leave open in case demons want to hang out with you because you have no friends and are just so different that only magic people understand you. Nobody else understands you, except for one ogre. The closet makes another noise. “C-c-come on out whoever you are!” you call bravely because youre tough. Something steps out. You tilt your head up. a tall, 6’4 man swaggers in. Hes so hot. as the light from the moonlight shine onto his smooth skin, you realize with a shock. Thats not a man. Not a human one at least. its an ogre. Shrek the ogre. You feel the heat pool to your face. Youve never been alone with The Shrek. He grabs you ans looks you in your bright shinning blue green brown grey black eyes and slowly, bends down to kiss you. you stand there, shooketh but kiss him back because, damn, hes sexy. after a lotta kissing, you pull back scared. “B-b-b-b-b-b-but Shrek….” You stutter nervously, “Youre already married..” He laughs with his super deep voice and you feel humiliated for him to laugh at you. “My wife, the wicked witch of the west means nothing to me anymore. Or i should say ex-wife. I only want you, Y/n” you blush, and then you blush. “I love you, y/n” he says suddenly, pinning you to the wall, needing to pick you up because youre only 4’0 tall and hes 6’4. “I love you too Shrek..” you say, blushing. All of a sudden, He pulls out his massive shlong and you two start having sexy times. its so hot. its so big. its so, green. you moan while you do the dance with no pants. it the best time in the world. when youre done, you look over to him, and hes smiling at you with his gorgeous yellowish brown teeth. you kiss him on the mouth again. “y/n i love you so much” he says, deep with alpha masculinity. you shiver against him in the good way. “i love you too.” The next day you get married in his swamp and only Ed Sheeran and Batman are invited (they end up married too) The end.