Chapter Text
It starts as most things do, as a disruption in the typical order of things.
“Chuuya, here!!!”
A high loud voice calls his name, he sees them from afar. His friend raises his hand and waves as all the other kids look up at Chuuya’s direction.
Well, all of them but one.
The sound of a football ball being kicked. The same voice that called his name previously, now screaming in annoyance.
“Oi Ryuunosuke!!!! What was that!?!?!”
A cough. “You got distracted. And you lost.”
“Ha ha good job Ryuu! That’s another point for us!”
“Wait no- that's not fair!!! Chuuya hurry, join us!!”
Chuuya grips tighter on the strap of his school bag and runs to the area of the park where his friends are playing.
“Michizou is a bad loser! Michizou is a bad loser!”
“Oi!! Stop!!”
The silly talk makes the group of friends laugh. Chuuya approaches them quickly and soon he joins the collective laugh, but maybe not as loud or mocking, eyeing his best friend with a sorry expression.
He gets a small bump on his shoulder as a greeting.
“Hey, aren’t you a bit late today?” Tachihara says, his eyebrows frowned a little in confusion.
“Yes, sorry. Ane-san’s work shift started later today. I couldn’t come earlier.” Chuuya smiles slightly as an apology.
“It’s fine Chuuya, don’t worry. Now that you are here we are finally matched!” One of his friend’s says.
“Yeah, don’t worry!” Another one seconds.
He is received with various smiles and the warmth of his friends’ expressions makes his shoulders relax, lowering them to their usual posture.
“Thank you guys. I’m just going to leave my school bag at the tree and join— Uh??”
When he turns his head to the common spot where they usually leave their school bags... he finds none of them. In fact, even if their bags aren’t there, there’s something occupying the place.
Oh well, more like someone.
There, with his back resting on the trunk of the old tree, there is a young child, most likely around their age. Little hands holding a book with a red cover open as the kid peacefully reads, sitting there, on the usual spot where they leave their bags...
Wait, a new kid?
Chuuya’s little blue eyes scan that figure a few meters away from him. Dark brown hair with bangs covering his forehead and most of his eyes, no school uniform.
If Chuuya looks carefully, he can notice the white bandages hiding the kid’s right eye, some bandages around his wrists too.
Uh? Chuuya can’t remember seeing this kid before.
And it’s not like Chuuya knows all the kids in Yokohama or anything. It’s just weird to see a kid of his age completely alone, with no school uniform and... then there are those weird bandages...
“Guys... who is that?”
“We don’t know.” Higuchi answers this time, her arm wrapping around one of Chuuya’s own. “When we arrived he was already here you know? That’s weird, we came directly after school.” Higuchi frowns a little. “None of us know him.”
“Hmm… Have you tried talking to him?” Chuuya says unsure.
“Talking to him? Of course not Chuuya! Don’t you see that thing over his eye!?” One of his friends says.
“Yeah, he looks gloomy and... scary. I had to grab the ball one time when it flew too close to him and...” Tachihara tries to imitate a shiver. “He is also reading a weird book...”
“Come on.” Chuuya rolls his eyes. “You all are just overreacting, it can’t be that bad, he is our age!”
“But he looks creepy!”
“Yeah! I’m not approaching him, no no!”
“It’s fine, Chuuya. We left our bags on that bench over there. It’s better if we let that kid alone.” Tells him Gin.
They all seem to have already come to an agreement.
Maybe they are right.
But even if they are...
Chuuya doesn’t find himself sharing their opinion.
He looks with curiosity at the lonely child passing a page of his book.
What kind of child of their age would go to a park just to sit alone and read?
... One that has no friends.
And if there’s something Chuuya is proud of himself, is that he has a strong personality and never backs down once he takes a decision.
So he unlocks his arm from Higuchi’s grab. And walks.
His friends seem confused at first, not understanding where Chuuya is heading until Chuuya is halfway there.
“Wait, Chuuya not!”
“Come back!”
“Oh god.”
“*Coughs*”
Chuuya stops just in front of the kid, the child's legs outstretched in front of him keeping a small distance between them, but he doesn’t move an inch nor look up to face Chuuya.
There’s no reaction.
Soon Chuuya feels his shoulders tensing, his hands in fists and an itching behind his neck that is begging him to be scratched.
His cheeks tepid at the awkwardness of standing in front of a person that isn’t even acknowledging him.
Suddenly his throat is dry and he feels shy.
He sure looks stupid just standing there without saying nothing, mouth opening and closing constantly in words he is not saying out loud.
“H-he-hey— “
Oh, come on. If his face wasn’t red enough before, now it’s burning.
Chuuya gulps as a dark eye looks up between long brown bags, still too covered for Chuuya to truly identify the emotion in the kid’s eyes.
“Hmm? Hi?” The kid says, tilting his head to one side, as in a way to show confusion, but still sounding too unaffected by Chuuya’s presence. “Do you need something?”
He seems polite… and distant.
It makes Chuuya’s nervous spike.
“Uh- Hi… I haven’t seen you here before, a- are you new in the neighborhood?”
Chuuya can’t remember the last time he felt this intimidated when talking to a kid of his age. Shouldn’t this kid be smiling at him at this point? And being all friendly? Like all kids do?
“Hm… new? I’m not new.” Okay, that sounded like a mock, has this kid just mock him? “You came here just to ask that? I’m busy reading a book at the moment, you know? Stop stealing my air, child. Go away.” And that’s rude.
This kid….
His friends always say he gets angry too easily, but this kid is sure getting on his nerves now.
And who is he calling a child?!!! Has he never seen himself in a mirror or what?!
“Oh, okay. I was going to invite you to play football with me and my friends but guess your silly book is waaay more important than making friends, living mummy!”
This kid is not the only one that can be petty.
He doesn’t receive an answer for the next few seconds and Chuuya lets the sense of winning embrace him for a moment… before the tables turned.
A shiver runs down his spine as the kid sitting in front of him shows a wide wicked smile, his eye almost shining with malice.
“Of course it is more important~ The Complete Manual of Suicide is a great book! I would recommend it to you~” The kid closes the book, lifting it to show clearly the title imprinted in its cover, that fake creepy smile still in his face.
His friends’ words resound inside his mind.
Scary.
This kid is scary. Chuuya understands what his friends meant.
He feels frozen in place for a few seconds, his feet weighing like a thousand tons before he finally gathers the courage to speak and move.
“Whatever, have fun.” He says, sharp, and walks back to his group of friends. His steps growing faster the farther he gets away from that child.
He just hopes he doesn’t have to meet this kid ever again.
***
Just as it is expected, he is not that lucky. In fact, his luck is the worst.
“Oh no, that kid is here again? Is he going to come here every day now?” Higuchi complains.
“Who cares? Ignore him, it’s better if we don’t interact with him, right Chuuya?” Tachihara looks at him, very aware of what Chuuya told them after he talked with that kid.
“Yeah, let’s ignore him guys.” He sighs. “Whoever gets to the bench first can choose teammates first!!!” Chuuya starts running, the exclamations of surprise and reproach are soon followed by the fast steps of his friends running behind him.
“Chuuya you—!!”
“That’s not fair!”
As he lets his school bag rest on the bench, he takes a short peek at the lonely kid. His legs outstretched in front of him, the red book lifted in his little hands, a perfect portrait from yesterday, looking exactly the same.
This kid has come here, two days in a row.
Well, whatever this kid does is not his problem, he is here for other reasons.
“Chuuya you cheater!! Choose your team!”
“Okay, so first, Gin!!”
Yes, he doesn’t care.
… God, he is such a bad liar. His sister always says he is bad at lying, what makes him think he could deceive himself?
He looks, sometimes a glance sometimes a stare.
Through all the afternoon and evening they keep playing, match after match, they laugh at their wins and mourn their loss. Chuuya, though, doesn’t feel very affected by any of them. In fact, he feels a little unfocused during all those matches, his eyes unintentionally slipping to the kid still sitting under the big tree, hyperaware every time that said kid makes any movement, even though most of them consist in just passing the pages of that creepy book.
That’s most of it for the most part of the day...
Until there’s a change.
And at first he just observes the situation out of the corner of his eye, still running, still aware of the voices of his friends surrounding him. He sees the creepy kid raise his left arm and look at the watch in his wrist, motionless for a second before he finally drops his hand to the floor again.
And then Chuuya doesn’t hear anything.
There are no voices, no steps. He barely notices himself stumbling before he just stands still, his eyes focused on the expression of pain in the kid’s face, who was trying to push his weight up by pressing the front of his hands on the ground.
Trying to stand up, until he couldn’t.
Chuuya sees as the kid grabs his right leg, his mouth opening, probably in a cry though Chuuya is too far away to hear it well.
He pushes his leg flat against the ground, shoulders up and down as if the kid was breathing quickly, in pain.
Suddenly Chuuya remembers his words from yesterday.
“I was going to invite you to play football with me and my friends.”
“Guess your silly book is more important than making friends.”
The cruel smile that was shown on the kid’s face after Chuuya let out those words.
… Maybe his words really hurt that kid, but not in the way he thought they would.
Maybe… maybe that kid couldn’t play football with them to start with.
Maybe his leg is broken.
Chuuya thinks about his words from yesterday, about how he didn’t see Dazai move an inch yesterday, about how he was still sitting there when Chuuya and his friends left.
And some part of Chuuya knows it doesn’t have to be such a serious injury, and that kid can just have a sprain or something.
The gravity doesn’t matter to him though. His legs start moving before his mind can notice it.
And soon he is running, he doesn’t hear his friends pausing the game and screaming his name, his mind is too busy screaming too. ‘Stupid!’ is all that crosses his mind as he sees that kid trying to push himself up again, this time supporting his back on the tree to lift himself.
Chuuya is halfway to the injured child before he stops walking in a sudden.
There, in front of him, someone has approached the kid, someone way older and stronger than him.
The man is dressed mostly in black, hair grey and a monocle over one of his eyes. He makes a respect bow in front of the child before finally extending his arms and helping the kid stand.
A butler?
Just who is this kid?
And Chuuya can’t do anything but stand there, useless as someone else helps the kid get up.
His eyes drop to the floor and he tries so bad to not name the emotion spreading through every fiber of his body.
Disappointment.
Did he want to talk with that kid again?
Did he want to give him a second chance?
Why?
Chuuya lifts his eyes again and when their eyes meet, Chuuya notices the kid staring, eyes wide open in shock, surprised, as if he had seen a ghost. As if he were seeing something so completely and irremediable out of this world. As if he perfectly understood Chuuya’s intentions and he couldn’t believe Chuuya wanted to help him.
As if he couldn’t believe Chuuya still wanted to approach him after what happened yesterday.
Chuuya feels his face growing warm, the back of his neck and his cheeks burning as he looks away, that old man helping the bandaged kid to get up.
Chuuya just stands there, as the kid walks away, limping, supporting himself in the kind old man.
***
“Ne, Hirotsu-san. When would I be able to go to that park again?” Holding his chopsticks, he plays with the meal in front of him, sitting alone at the same big dinner table as always.
“Dazai-sama…” The man standing behind him starts. “That’s difficult to tell. With your parents here, I can’t take you there without telling them.”
Dazai snorts shortly. “Are they home though? I’m still eating alone anyways, as always…”
“Dazai-sama…”
Dazai tries to calm down, breathe in and out, stop all his hateful thoughts for a moment.
He sighs. “I’ll wait… I'll wait for my parents to go on a trip again.”
He can’t see it from his position, but surely he can feel Hirotsu bowing behind him.
“I’m sorry Dazai-sama, we are doing this in secret after all. If they found out, I…”
“Hirotsu-san?”
“Yes, sir?”
“Thank you for your help.” It’s the closest to a sincere apology Dazai has ever been.
***
“That book. It’s different.” A voice pinpoints.
Dazai opens his eyes widely in surprise as he recognizes the voice. He looks up.
There, standing in front of him, is the same kid that tried talking to him a few weeks ago. Even after he scared him the first time, the kid still tried to help him the next day.
Dazai can't really tell if this kid is just obnoxious or irremediably stupid.
‘Chuuya’. That’s what Dazai heard the rest of the kids call him.
Chuuya stands in front of him clearly nervous, rubbing the palm of one of his hands against the fabric of his short pants, getting rid of sweat. His facial expression doesn't do anything to hide the awkwardness he is feeling and yet, Chuuya is still here, doing his best to keep staring Dazai in his eyes and don't look away, growing more anxious with each second that passes without Dazai answering something back.
... He could just not answer. He could stay silent and see this kid suffocating more and more in front of him until he couldn't deal with the uneasiness of Dazai ignoring him anymore, until the point he would walk away and leave Dazai alone.
It's a great idea. He could do that —he grips tighter on the cover of the book in his hands.
But… it’s that what he wants?
"I wanted to change, the book." Chuuya's lively blue eyes widen, as if he had already given up on Dazai answering him. Suddenly Dazai feels very flustered, stumbling in his own words. "I- I have read that book too many times already. I wanted to start a new one."
He can feel a blush walking up to his neck.
Even to his ears, it sounded like a silly lie.
Chuuya seems to either not notice the lie or simply to ignore it in order to save Dazai more embarrassment. He is not completely sure which one is the correct assumption.
"What's the book about this time?" Chuuya asks instead. His eyes are curious, his head slightly tilted.
It takes Dazai a little by surprise but he soon composes himself and answers back.
"It's a fairy tale."
Chuuya blinks. "A fairy tale?"
"Yes." Dazai says. He thinks about leaving his response there, he feels the pull of shyness telling him to stop, to not share any more details. And yet, at the same time… he feels the excitement of being able to talk about this book with someone, someone that may listen to him for once.
"It's about a princess, locked in a tower. Her mother locked her there telling her it was the best for her, but the princess doubts it more and more with each day. She is craving to go outside but she stops herself because she believes yet her mother loves her and wants her to be safe."
"Yet?"
"Yes, yet. Telling you more would mean spoiling you part of the story, you know?" He smiles sarcastically at Chuuya and immediately scolds himself for acting so friendly in front of this curious meddling kid.
"Ah, that makes sense. Then..."
Dazai cannot believe what his eyes see as Chuuya walks to his side, slowly descending to the ground until he is sitting right at Dazai’s side.
Dazai is speechless for a moment, just opening and closing his mouth like a fish.
It feels like he has been suddenly pushed to an alternative reality, absurd and surreal.
"I- uh- wha- what? Wait! What are you doing?!" Has any child sat this close to him before? Has anyone sat this close to him before?
What’s with this kid?
He thinks about this kid and his friends, about yelling and arms around other’s shoulders. He wonders if this may be normal for kids of his age.
“Well, I want to know what that mother’s intentions are and how that princess gets away from there.” Chuuya says nonchalantly as if he hadn't just invited himself to spend time with Dazai.
He seems to grow a little conscious as Dazai keeps staring at him as if he had grown a second head.
"Uh- What!? Can't I read with you?"
Dazai looks hypnotized as the kid's face starts to become red, his eyes wide in embarrassment until he finally looks away, his arms circling around his bent legs, pressed against his chest.
Is he blushing?
“I- I-... can’t I?” The kid whispers.
And he is still looking away, still embarrassed, his ears as red as his hair.
But Dazai… Dazai feels a warmth in his chest, the corners of his lips moving upwards completely out of his control. And this week has been hard, with his parents away, he has asked for Hirotsu’s help to reorganize all his classes, he spent studying until ten pm yesterday just to have the afternoon free today.
The rays of sun sneak between the leaves of the tall tree and illuminate the open pages of the book.
And then,
He starts reading out loud.
***
“Ne, what’s your name?”
“Osamu.”
“Osamu? That’s a cool name. My name is Chuuya!”
***
As soon as Hirotsu opens the back door of the car, Dazai walks, as fast as it’s possible with a bad leg and a crutch. Book held against his chest tightly with his other hand as he looks at the big tree in the distance, a school bag already resting at its side.
Dazai smiles.
Brightly.
With his parents away for a few months, Dazai is able to act more freely thanks to Hirotsu’s help. A few days after his first reading session with Chuuya, Hirotsu convinced his parents via phone that Dazai’s leg seriously needed to be checked. With that, Dazai finally gathered the courage to visit a doctor. Using the excuse that he had just fallen down the stairs at home, he managed to get his leg checked and obtain a series of instructions of what he has to do to heal it safely.
He didn’t really care about his leg that much before. Who cared if he lost mobility? It’s not like his parents seem to care about it at all.
It’s not like Dazai has any certainty that this is not going to happen again.
His parents have never shown any type of remorse.
Dazai didn’t really care, but then… after that first time reading with Chuuya… he wants to talk, and laugh. He wants to sit at Chuuya’s side and feel the warmth at his side, he wants to hear Chuuya’s comments, he wants to know more about Chuuya, he wants to—
He thinks about Chuuya running, kicking the ball, passing it to one of his friends.
He wants to run too.
Just like that, he starts walking with a crutch. His martial arts professor had already refused to give him class for various weeks, but now with a medical diagnosis, they don’t have to pretend giving him classes anymore. His parents decided to cancel his martial art classes and with that, Dazai got a few more hours free per week.
And then, for the next few months, he sets a routine. Every week, he does his best to attend to the park. He takes all his classes, does all his homework and then, if he has enough time, he asks Hirotsu to take him to the park.
Sometimes, when it’s possible, he even changes the schedule of his classes. Those times, he always sends Hirotsu to the cafeteria where Chuuya’s older sister works, just so she can inform Chuuya of which day Dazai is going to be able to go to the park.
Some days though, he is too busy and when he gets done with all his work it’s already almost night, and he is hungry and tired, and clearly Chuuya is not going to be there at that time.
But the days he gets to finish everything with time?
Oh boy.
Chuuya turns his head, finally seeing Dazai. He waves his hand and smiles back walking a few steps away from the tree to meet Dazai halfway.
He takes the book from Dazai’s hand, eyeing the crutch before asking.
“How are you feeling?” A bit of worry, clear in his high voice.
“I’m fine. I’m thinking I’m getting used to walking like this, more or less.”
He let’s Chuuya help him descend to the ground, a hand under his bad leg and the other holding his arm until Dazai finally touches the ground, sitting comfortably as Chuuya rests the crutch at his side.
It’s then when he looks up and notices it. Chuuya’s presence at his side shortly forgotten as he sees those kids playing some meters away in front of them.
Chuuya’s friends.
Chuuya’s friends smiling and playing football together while Chuuya is there, at his side.
At the moment Dazai turns his head to look at Chuuya, he knows he is making a weird face just by the expression in Chuuya’s face, confusion and worry deeply blended in the frown between his eyebrows.
“W- What?” Sounding clearly unease.
Dazai thinks about it. About Chuuya’s feelings.
Does Chuuya really want to be here? Won’t he prefer to be playing with his friends instead? What if his friends get mad because Chuuya is not with them? What if? What if…
“Chuuya… I- I wonder, are your friends fine with this? I mean... you are here with me instead of... with them.”
The question comes in a sudden and Dazai immediately feels bad as he finishes saying it out loud. Chuuya opens his eyes in surprise.
“Uh- Osamu, what do you mean?”
“You… you have always come to this park with your friends right? Like… it’s something you all always do together.” Embarrassment takes control of Dazai and he looks away before continuing. “But you are here... You have been reading with me the times I’ve come here. Won’t they get mad? Shouldn’t you be playing with them?”
Dazai doesn’t dare to look back to Chuuya. Instead, he waits, growing more anxious with every second he spends without receiving an answer.
He is so tense that in the moment a small hand places over his arm, his body jumps in surprise.
He finally looks back to see Chuuya staring at him, his hand still around his arm giving him a small reassuring squeeze. Dazai immediately relaxes.
“It’s fine, Osamu. I've already talked to them. I see most of them almost every day, we are big friends no matter what, you know?” He gives Dazai’s armshi another squeeze. “So it’s perfectly fine if I'm here now, they know you are a friend to me too.”
Suddenly the world goes silent for Dazai’s ears.
A friend.
Did he hear well? A friend?
He has a friend?
Chuuya’s face twitches in worry as Dazai starts blinking uncontrollably. Breathing becomes difficult for a moment and he is not sure what is happening until a pair of arms envelop him, one of Chuuya’s hands resting comfortably on his back.
It takes him a few seconds more to notice he has been trembling slightly, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.
A friend?
Chuuya is his friend?
His arms wrap around Chuuya too and soon Dazai is merging into Chuuya’s embrace.
And he feels warm and happy and he also wants to cry, and he is not sure what is happening or why it’s happening but it comes to his mind how he can’t even remember the last time he has received a hug like this.
Chuuya is his friend.
Slowly, Dazai starts to hear everything around him again. Chuuya breaking the hug with a last stroke on Dazai’s back, his hands moving noiselessly to grab Dazai’s book.
Dazai just sits comfortably at Chuuya’s side as the red-head opens the book on the next page they have to read and…
Starts reading out loud.