Chapter Text
“Chuuya!!” He yells, waving his free hand widely in the air, the red head kid already waiting for him under the tree, his school bag hanging from one of his shoulders, his back against the trunk of the tree.
Dazai runs, not too fast yet, but still, the faster he has been allowed to move in months.
It has been over a month since the last time he has been able to come to the park, his parents having to do some preparations for some potential business partners with whom they were negotiating a contract.
In that time, Dazai hasn’t been able to see Chuuya once but he has never stopped thinking about meeting him. Since they finished reading their previous book the last time Dazai came to the park, Dazai has spent this whole month looking over and over the big library in his home and searching for the ideal book to read with Chuuya. Imagining what type of stories the red head would prefer, what type of reactions Chuuya would have at reading said books...
And at the same time, he has healed. Slowly but surely, he has left his crutch behind, finally being able to stand by himself again.
He stops running, just a few meters before Chuuya.
“Osamu you...” Chuuya looks surprised. “You did it.”
“Hehe I told you I would.” He smiles. “Also, I’ve brought a new book!!! I’m sure you are gonna like this one! It’s about this little prince—“
“O-Osamu!” Dazai is interrupted. “I- uh, I’ve had this idea for a while and now that you can walk without a crutch... maybe we could...”
“We could… what?” Dazai tilts his head in confusion, he was not expecting a change in his plans.
“Uh- well. My sister works just on the other side of the road, in a cafeteria in front of the park, you know that right? I always come here while she works there and I've spent a lot of time here.” Chuuya looks down, rocking back and forth on his heels. “And since your leg has been injured since the first time I saw you here, maybe you have never just taken a walk? Here? So I thought... maybe I could show you around?”
Dazai blinks once, twice, letting the words sink in slowly.
Show me around?
“I- I mean! That I haven't seen you before that time doesn't mean you haven't ever just hung around here but y-you always seem so busy studying and all that and-” Chuuya talks, too loud and too fast. Panic clear in his face. He stops for a second as he inhales, talking slowly this time “Maybe you would like... seeing around with me, anyways?”
Dazai feels his cheeks slightly warm.
Somehow Chuuya always manages to make simple questions extremely embarrassing.
But now that he thinks about it... he really hasn’t properly seen the whole park. His parents have barely let him go out of home, unless it was because of his classes or a business party he was forced to attend.
He knows about it well though, it’s pretty popular and has a well-kept garden... but since his leg was broken he never tried to walk farther, just waiting in a place where Hirotsu could find him easily.
He could go for a stroll now though, with Chuuya.
“Okay.”
“O-Okay?” Chuuya stumbling on his words as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
Funny.
Funny to talk to, funny to mock, funny to befriend. All the time he has spent with Chuuya has been fun. There’s no reason to think this won’t be fun.
“Yes, okay. Show me around.” He walks a few steps closer to Chuuya, book still held close to his chest. “I’ve never seen the whole park before.”
Chuuya seems to relax with that, a small smile on his lips. He extends an arm.
“Let’s go then. Give me the book, I’ll carry it in my bag so you don’t have to be holding it all the time.”
Dazai hesitates for a moment before handing the book to Chuuya, seeing as the young kid opens his school bag and puts the book inside.
“Okay! Let’s go!”
Dazai immediately follows behind Chuuya. He just looks in silence as they walk pass through the little piece of land on which Chuuya's friends play, Chuuya's friends waving their hands.
"Bye bye!"
"Behave or we'll call Ane-san!"
There are some laughs and Chuuya yelling back, but Dazai just lowers his head, trying to avoid the eyes of some of the kids that are not very skillfully trying to peer at Dazai through the corners of their eyes.
He hates it. So many eyes looking at him...
He imagines eyes.
Multiple sets of eyes looking at him from above, judging him. Until slowly darkness fades away and he remembers, the faces of his parents’ business partners looking at him. The weight of their eyes mixing with the silent tremor of their expectations, about to make Dazai trip and fall down.
The very real feeling of a hand on his shoulder makes Dazai raise his eyes, and there's no party, no adults around, just Chuuya looking at him with concern.
"It's everything fine? Does it hurt still?"
Chuuya's little frown feels like air being pushed into his lungs, steadily, giving him time to pause and recover his breath, waiting for him as if they had all the time in the world just for them.
Chuuya always finds a way to make him smile.
"Yes," he smiles at Chuuya "I'm fine, don't worry. It was just for a second."
The lie falls easily from his lips and Chuuya doesn't seem to give it a second thought at all. Instead, he just looks with worry at Dazai.
"Okay, we'll walk slowly just in case."
And Chuuya nods to himself before taking a few steps forward, just waiting for Dazai to walk by his side as they head to one of the walkways at their right, two rows of well-crossed bushes escorting their way.
Dazai's mind starts analyzing their surroundings in a haste.
There’re long trees at each side of the path, scattered around the small pieces of grass at each side of the walkway. A small variety of flowers have been planted strategically on those little areas, leaving enough space for a few people to settle in between them.
As they walk, Dazai observes the people around.
A group of friends sit in a circle in the area on their right, a woman lies on the grass with a book between her hands on their left. A couple holding hands walks past them on the pathway.
Every few steps, Dazai notices more people, some laughing, some smiling, some just taking a break.
As the flowers at their sides, the park looks full of life.
"Ane-san always says this was one of my mom's favorite places in the world." Chuuya's words push Dazai out of his thoughts. "She says mom used to come here a lot when she was still a student." Chuuya takes a pause for a second as their eyes meet. “Apparently, this is the place where my mom first met my dad.”
"Your mom… where is she now?"
He knows the answer even before it falls out of Chuuya's lips.
"She is gone, both of them are. A car accident."
"I'm sorry."
Chuuya's laugh is soft as the song of a bird and yet, it does a bad job hiding Chuuya's true feelings.
"It's fine, it was a long time ago, you know? I can't even remember her face." His words sound too sad in contrast to the smile on his face.
Does Chuuya miss his parents?
How... does that feel? How does it feel to miss your parents?
Dazai can barely imagine it. In fact, he can’t imagine it at all.
“How young were you?” He doesn’t say it out loud though, he keeps those thoughts to himself.
“I was barely one year old. My sister and I were staying with our grandparents for a few days. It was their first vacation together since they had me. They were just going to an onsen but they never arrived.”
Losing your parents must be hard, for most people at least.
“I’m sorry. It must be hard.” It’s possibly the right thing to say, it’s what Dazai believes most people would say.
To his surprise, Chuuya doesn’t even try to hide his sadness this time.
“It’s fine, like… I don’t really remember them so I don’t hold any precious memories to mourn for. It’s not about what I had but about what I could have had, I guess.” This time, Chuuya’s smile seems more sincere. “But I have my sister! And as long as we are together, we will be fine!”
Chuuya’s smile is warm as the sun and Dazai can’t stop himself from staring as Chuuya glows in front of him...
And then Chuuya breaks eye contact and looks forward.
"Oh look! It's there!"
Dazai is baffled as the tone of the conversation suddenly changes, Chuuya pointing to something in front of them excitedly, sparks in his eyes.
"He doesn't come here every day! We are very lucky!"
"Come on!"
Chuuya exclaims, one of his legs positioning unwaveringly on the ground, prepared to start running.
It happens too fast, Dazai doesn’t have time to say anything before Chuuya’s fingers are already wrapping around his wrist, holding tightly as a way to pull Dazai with him, to make him hurry.
Instead, Dazai hisses in pain.
Dazai pulls as a reflex and it takes Chuuya a few seconds to fully analyze the situation and understand what was happening.
They stand almost at the end of the pathway, Chuuya’s face filled with worry and guilt as Dazai holds his wrist with his other hand, close to his chest.
“I- the b- bandages, you are hur-”
“Don’t worry!” Dazai stops Chuuya’s panicking before it turns into a conversation he is not prepared to handle. “It’s something stupid really, I’m perfectly fine.”
Yet, he can see it, in Chuuya's eyes, concern giving way to realization and finally to hesitation.
Chuuya sways on his heels, flustered. “I’m sorry, I- I shouldn’t have touched you without asking. Uh…” Dazai anxiously waits for Chuuya to continue. “Let me invite you to an ice cream, okay? This person’s ice cream is the best…”
Dazai just nods, shyly, but it seems to be enough for Chuuya.
They walk more silently this time, side by side. Chuuya doesn’t try to hurry this time as the man in the ice cream van gives them their ice creams.
Chuuya just makes a gesture with his head, tilting it to a direction, asking Dazai to follow him with no words.
Dazai appreciates it, the silence. And slowly, as Chuuya guides them through the park, Dazai finally relaxes again, letting himself be influenced by the beautiful sight around him.
And with every corner they turn around, Dazai sees more clearly, splashes of red and pink and blue and so many different colors in so many variations welcomes them till what it seems to be the floral garden Dazai has heard about before.
Chuuya takes them to an empty bench, different types of flowers gathering in front of him as Dazai sits down.
“Wow...” Dazai whispers slowly.
“Beautiful, right?” Chuuya sits at his side. “I love coming here from time to time. It makes me feel like everything is going to be fine…”
Dazai doesn’t respond immediately. Instead, his eyes scan the colorful view in front of him, trying to identify the type of flowers he is seeing. There are roses, tulips, dahlias…
“Chuuya,” He points with his index finger. “Do you know which flower is that one?”
The rare form of his petals calls his attention, petals of a blueish purple color with a… yellow stripe on them?
“Oh, those are Iris. They mean wisdom and hope.” Chuuya says nonchalantly. Still those last words pick Dazai’s attention more than the actual flower did.
“Wisdom and hope?”
“Uh? Yeah, that’s what I’ve been told.”
It makes Dazai grow more curious.
He points at other flowers.
“And that one?”
“Hm? Those are peonies. They are usually used in weddings because they mean prosperity and all of that.” Chuuya shrugs.
“And those ones? What they mean?”
Chuuya shots him a confused look. “Uh, those are forget me nots?? I think their name talks by itself, it's also like a show of true love or something like that."
“Chuuya… how do you know so much about flowers?"
He must like flowers a lot.
“Ah- How? That's…" Chuuya rubs the back of his neck with his hand, awkwardly. "It's a long story…"
"A long story?" What does that mean?
"Why?" Dazai blinks.
"... my mom…" The words are barely audible.
"Uh? What?"
"My mom… she… used to love flowers." A sad smile appears on Chuuya's face as he lets out those words. "Or at least that's what Ane-san says."
Their eyes meet and Dazai feels as if Chuuya was trying to communicate the world to Dazai just with his eyes.
"My sister has been bringing me here since I was a kid. When I was younger, she used to sit with me on this bench and told me about all the flowers that bloom in this place." His smile grows wider. "Apparently that's what our mom used to do with her. She used to bring my sister here when she was a child, sometimes my dad would come along too. At least that's what Ane-san has told me." Chuuya shrugs as if he was trying to play down the emotional words he had just said. "My mother's dream was to open a flower shop. Apparently, she was saving up to open one one day." Chuuya sighs. "She never got to do it though."
"Chuuya…"
As soon as he opens his mouth. Dazai realizes he doesn't know how to continue his phrase.
What should he say?
"I'm sorry." He doesn't really know what to say aside of that. It's just an echo of what he already said before.
Chuuya seems to notice it too. "It's fine, Osamu. I'm sorry too, I keep bringing the subject. I just think a lot about her when I'm here…" Chuuya apologizes.
He shouldn't be apologizing though…
"I'm- I'm being serious!" His exclamation startles Chuuya, eyes looking at him with surprise. "I- I can't know what it feels like, but! Your mom looks like a beautiful person and I'm happy you had such a great mom… even if it wasn't for too long…"
His words die in his mouth slowly, not knowing what more to say after the short show of honesty. He feels flustered.
Somehow, Chuuya's kind smile tells him it was enough.
It's his turn to get startled as he feels a warm weight placed on top of one of his hands.
Chuuya's own hand on top of his.
"I- I also don't know what's your situation and I don't know anything about your family either, but… I'm here for you, if you ever need me."
Chuuya's hand squeezes his own.
And maybe Dazai's family is not the best, but as long as this ray of sun keeps bathing him, he will overcome it all.
***
“Dazai Osamu, stop complaining right now!” His father orders.
“B-but-“
“Who teach you to be such an ingrate kid?!” His mother yells.
“But I don’t want to go!”
His mother looks at him with anger, eyes like stone stabbing through his skin and making him fell as the small scared kid he really is.
Dazai tries not to close his eyes or back off as his mother lifts her arm, palm open prepared to hit in no time.
“You have nothing to opine here! We are moving in and you are coming with us either you want it or not!”
And as he sees his mother’s hand quickly coming down to his face,
Dazai closes his eyes.
***
“Chuuya!!! Chuuya!!”
Dazai runs as fast as he can.
In the distance he can see Chuuya, the redhead being surrounded by his own group of friends, playing football in the same place of the park as they always do.
Sun is slowly setting, painting the sky in beautiful shades of yellow and orange.
“Chuuuya!!!”
He yells again. This time, Chuuya’s head turns around in the direction of his voice, eyes opening widely, clearly surprised by Dazai’s unexpected visit.
“Osamu?! What are you doing he-”
Chuuuya has no time to finish his sentence as Dazai’s little arms wrap around him.
“Chuuya!”
“O-Osamu?” Dazai hugs tightly and feels Chuuya growing tense in his grasp. He doesn’t mind it though, he has more important things to worry about “What are you doing here?”
Dazai blinks repeatedly as he feels Chuuya hesitantly raising his arms, hugging back.
The comfort Chuuya brings to him with just a hug makes it hard for Dazai to hide the sadness in his voice properly.
“I’m leaving!” He sounds miserable.
“Leaving? Osamu, what do you mean?” Confusion is clear in Chuuya’s voice as the kid moves his hands to Dazai’s shoulders and pushes them apart to look directly at Dazai's eyes.
“Yokohama! I’m leaving Yokohama! My- my parents- they-!”
“O-Osamu, hey! Slow down. What’s happening?”
Like a flame that has just been lit, Chuuya’s eyes fill exponentially with more and more panic as Dazai shakes a little between his hands.
“My parents’ negotiations! From a few months ago! My parents have made some new business partners and with their help, they plan to expand the business. We are moving to Osaka next week…”
“T- that’s-”
Impossible?
Unexpected?
No. Too sudden.
“I don’t have time Chuuya. I just made Hirotsu help me escape for an hour, it’s over, we are leaving Yokohama…” And as Dazai’s bottom lip trembles, he finishes his sentence in a whisper. “I won’t be able to come meet you again…”
And as realization slowly sinks in, Chuuya is left without words.
To Chuuya, Dazai has been a small shooting star. Mysterious and difficult to find. In all the time he has been friends with Dazai, he has never had the possibility to contact Dazai by himself, not. a. single. time.
It’s always Hirotsu who appears, tells his sister when Dazai would meet him and as soon as that day ends, Dazai disappears again. Impossible to reach, so away from Chuuya that he has wondered sometimes after Dazai’s departures, if he would see Dazai ever again or Dazai would just disappear forever...
That’s why Chuuya can’t say he is fully surprised by this news.
It doesn’t mean it hurts less though...
Chuuya pushes Dazai into a hug again.
“That’s so soon… There’s nothing to do about it?”
Dazai shakes his head against Chuuya’s neck.
“No, I’ve tried. There’s nothing I can do…”
Chuuya knows he can’t do anything either.
And that makes him take a decision.
“Ne Osamu, how much time do you have left?”
“Uh?” Dazai draws back to see Chuuya’s eyes, confused. “I’m not sure, maybe half an hour, one hour maximum before my parents realize I'm not home. I believe.”
“Okay,” Chuuya nods. “That’s enough.”
“Enough?”
“Yeah don’t worry.”
“Wait-”
Sadly Chuuya doesn’t give him time to answer. Instead, Chuuya’s eyes focus on something behind him.
Before Dazai turns his head around, Chuuya is already moving away from him.
“Hirotsu-san, can I ask you a favor?”
Dazai just stands there as he sees Chuuya approach Hirotsu and whisper something to his ear, the old man bending over to Chuuya’s height.
He doesn’t know what Chuuya says, he only sees Hirotsu nodding before he straightens himself again, bowing as a goodbye to Dazai before leaving them alone.
Before he can ask Chuuya what he has said to Hirotsu, Chuuya interrupts him again.
“What happened?”
Dazai tenses like a stick as Chuuya approaches him, his thumb brushing lightly against the gauze on his left cheek, held in place by two strips of tape.
“I-” Chuuya raises a brow, looking at him as if he could tell Dazai was about to drop a blatant lie in front of him. Dazai gulps.
Suddenly he is not so sure if he wants to lie to Chuuya.
He peeks at their surroundings with the corner of his eyes. Chuuya’s friends are still there, not playing, just gathered around the bench they have their things on, not too close but not as far away as Dazai would like.
Chuuya seems to notice his hesitation and sighs.
“It’s fine, you don’t have to say it.” Chuuya stops moving his finger and just holds Dazai’s cheek firmely.
World seems to stop all around Dazai as he feels warmth pressed against his cheek, over the gauze, a faint smack sound accompanying it.
A kiss.
On his cheek.
Slowly, Dazai notices the warmth on his cheek is not only due to Chuuya’s kiss but also the consequences of that said kiss.
“My sister always says that wounds heal faster when you give them kisses. So… I hope this at least helps you a bit.”
As Chuuya fidgets with his hands, Dazai is left speechless.
Indeed, he has already been feeling way better since the moment he has arrived and seen Chuuya.
Chuuya always knows how to make him feel better…
He is about to try and say something but Chuuya ends up interrupting him instead.
He coughs “Anyways, I want to ask you something?”
“Uh-“Dazai still feels a little destabilized. “What?”
“Could you come with me? Don’t worry, Hirotsu-san already gave me green-light. I just… want to give you something before you leave…”
A farewell gift.
“Chuuya… you don’t have to-”
“Yeah, but! I want to, okay? Come!”
Soon, he is being pull forward by his hand, Chuuya holding it and pulling softly, making Dazai follow him through well-known paths until they arrive to that bench Chuuya has brought him now many times before. A place that has become not only Chuuya’s but also Dazai’s favorite place in the park since Chuuya brought him here for the first time some months ago.
“Osamu, can I ask you to sit on the bench and close your eyes?”
“Uh?” Dazai is uncertain but he decides to not fight back and just follow with Chuuya’s plan. “Okay.”
He heads for the bench and sits, glancing at the flowers a last time before closing his eyes.
“Wait! Not like that! Uh… turn around and sit looking the other way.”
Dazai shots him inquisitive look but he still does as Chuuya says so.
“Don’t open your eyes until I tell you to do it, okay?! I’ll try to be fast, just keep your eyes close!”
The words makes Dazai smile with mischief. “Aw, what makes Chuuya think I would try and sabotage Chuuya’s plan?”
He can hear some the sound of clothes brushing against leafs behind him.
“Because I know you. I’ve known you for a while now.”
It’s left unsaid between them.
It has been almost a year since they met and became friends.
Almost a year since the first time Chuuya try talking to him and Dazai reject him.
Since they started reading books together…
The sound stops behind him and he hears Chuuya approaching him, sitting at his side on the bench.
“Don’t open your eyes yet, okay?” He says softly.
Dazai hears Chuuya fumbling with something in his hands and he can already get an idea of what Chuuya is doing.
He didn’t know Chuuya had this type of talent but guess it could be expected with all he has been learning from Chuuya in all this time.
He knows Chuuya too.
He knows how naive Chuuya can be sometimes. How angry and flustered he would become once he figures out the very absurd passage Dazai had just read was a lie.
How competitive he becomes when winning is at stake.
How warm his smile is every time he sees Dazai.
How kind and thoughtful he can be…
“Done!” Chuuya exclaims, bringing Dazai out of his thoughts. “Okay, now….”
He feels Chuuya sitting close to him, his presence warm at his side.
“Osamu, open your eyes.”
He has to blink several times to get his eyes used to light again.
First thing he notices is the meld of colors in front of him.
Purple… light pink… blue…
Little by little he starts paying attention to the details.
Chuuya’s little hands holding up a crown made of flowers, flowers he easily recognizes.
Iris’ weird petals, peonies’ lush form, forget me nots’ little simple flowers.
All of them messily tied together, a beautiful work that shows the skill of its creator even if it had to be done in a rush.
Chuuya’s beautiful work.
“Uh- Can… can I?” Chuuya mutters as he lifts the flower crown over Dazai’s head, a shade of pink noticeable on his cheeks.
Dazai nods and feels the crown rest on top of his head.
“I know it’s not the best gift… and the flowers will rot… But with this, I want you to know I won’t forget about you, and I hope you won’t forget about me either.”
Iris of wisdom and hope, peonies of prosperity, and forget me nots of true love...
Dazai feels his own face warm. All of him in fact. His mind dizzy and his body burning.
“O-one day I will come back, okay?” Osamu keeps his head tilted down slightly, his newly acquired flower crown and his long brown bangs hiding most of his still blushing face. “And then! I’ll come back and find you!” He lifts his head exactly in that moment, his eyes widening and his cheeks reddening as he meets Chuuya’s own blushed face. “Uh- fine?”
“Yeah… fine.” Chuuya holds his hands and gives them a squeeze.
And as they sit there, holding each other’s little hands, they promise to find each other again.
***
(Years later, an older Dazai will enter that small cafeteria in front of that park. And as soon as the redhead man behind the bar recognizes him, their story will start again.)