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Athena stayed up all night long with Buck. He stayed asleep throughout the night which Athena was grateful for. She didn't know what could've happened if Buck woke up and tried to do something.
She didn't want to think about it.
Bobby had texted her that he got to Michael’s shortly after he left. All she could say was okay before ignoring him altogether. He had tried to get her to talk to him once more but she refused. She didn’t answer him back when he sent question after question to her. Eventually he gave up and said goodnight. She did respond to that one, but only to say goodnight back and no more.
May stayed up with her throughout the night. Harry had slept through the whole night and was just getting up to have breakfast. Harry already had plans to leave in the morning to go to Denny's house to hang out. Athena was going to take him but May volunteered to take him so that Athena could stay with Buck.
Stating that it was better if Athena and Buck had a moment alone to work through everything from last night and to hopefully work on a plan to get Buck through this difficult time in his life.
She needed to give that girl a new cell phone or something to show how much she appreciated what May was doing to help out. She was even making breakfast for everyone, including Buck.
"Why are you making so much food?" Athena heard Harry ask.
"I'm bringing this food over to a friend later." May simply said. Harry was still young enough and impatient enough to not to care or question any farther regarding the extra food.
Athena heard them leave before Buck woke up. The sun was high enough in the air that it was filtering into the room more and starting to hit Buck's face a little despite the curtains drawn. They weren't black out curtains so it was inevitable that the sun would reach Buck eventually.
Athena saw the moment Buck was starting to be affected by the suns' rays. His eyes scrunched against the light and he groaned softly trying to bury himself in the covers. She saw the moment he realized that he wasn't in his own bed.
A sharp breath intake and a whole body jerk as he snapped his eyes open. His eyes instantly landed on her. He squeezed his eyes closed and groaned again but this time loader.
"Shit..." Buck mumbled as he rubbed his face. "It wasn't a dream. Last night happened."
"Last night happened." Athena gently reminded him.
"Fuck, what time is it?" Buck asked as he started to get out of bed. He threw the blanket off and sat there trying to regroup and gather his thoughts.
"A little past 10." Athena answered after checking her phone. In truth, she didn't know the time either. She was too busy trying to get her circling thoughts straight.
"Uh, I can't believe I slept that late. Athena, I'm so sorry. How long have you been up?"
"All night." Athena told him.
"What? No!" Buck protested. "Please tell me you weren't up all night watching me?"
"I was." Athena replied. "And before you say anything else, I would gladly do it again."
"I just..." Buck sighed as he looked down. "I don't like that you had to do that. I'm sorry."
"And like I said. I will do it again. Tonight if I have to." Athena said firmly. "No sorrys about it. I don't want to hear any of that. I said I will be here for you and I meant it."
"Okay." Buck reluctantly accepted it.
"Good, now, come on. Breakfast is ready." Athena stated as she got up.
"Oh god, you cooked too!"
"No May did."
"That kinda makes me feel worse." Buck got up as well, both of them heading for the door that would lead them to the main living area.
"Why?"
"I feel like I'm being a burden to you and your family."
"Don't be. I've told you before, you're not a burden. I will keep saying it until I get it through that thick skull of yours."
"Sorry."
Athena sighed. "No, no sorrys. I won't accept them. And for the record, you are my family. It’s not them vs you. It’s us. So, I don’t want to hear anymore of your bull.”
“Okay,” Buck rolled his eyes. “Mom…”
“See? That’s more like it.” Athena teased as they got into the kitchen. “I don’t know what May made but it smells good.”
“It sure does!” Buck’s stomach growled, hungrily. Buck couldn’t remember the last time he ate someone’s home cooking. He might know how to cook now but it was never as good as when someone else makes it for you.
Athena helped get them both plates to eat from and got some juice from the fridge. Both her and Buck plated their food that they wanted. It turns out that May made a lot more than Athena thought she did. May made pancakes and eggs with some bacon and toast. It was a good meal to have especially after the night they had.
She even put a fresh pot of coffee on for Athena.
“Bless that girl.” Athena signed heavenly as she drank a cup of the dark liquid gold.
“Yeah, she’s a great kid.” Buck agreed as he stuffed his face with a pancake. “This food is amazing. I need her to cook for me more often.”
“I second that.” Athena smiled as she let Buck eat his fill. May made a lot but Buck ate almost as much. There were only a few pancakes left and some toast before Buck was finished.
Athena didn’t eat as much. She was complementing how to bring up last night and what they were going to do about it. She knew that she didn’t have the full story. She only got bits and pieces from Buck and she would also need to get the other side of the story too before she started ripping into people.
“Oh man,” Buck leaned back, enjoying the feeling of being full from an excellent meal. “That was one of the best breakfasts I’ve had in a long time.”
How long? Athena wanted to ask. It was on the tip of her tongue. As far as she knew, Bobby made breakfast for the firefighters every morning shift when he could. So, why wasn’t Buck getting it? There was no way her husband was feeding them crap food for breakfast. It was blasphemy in his book.
Her eyes narrowed in thought.
“Yeah, May out did herself on this one. I’m glad she was able to make it.” Athena said easily enough. “I’m also glad that you’re here to enjoy it as well.”
Buck’s relaxed and blessed face instantly changed. She could see him shutting down and building walls around himself like he had forgotten for a moment where he was and what happened before.
Athena hated it. She hated that he had that look. That something was done to him that hurt him so badly that he thought he had to hide it.
“Don’t do that.” Athena ordered softly. “Don’t shut down on me.”
“Do we have to talk about it?” Buck sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.
“You know we do.” Athena stated firmly. “If we don’t talk about it, you’re going to end up back on that bridge and I don’t know if I’ll be there in time to help you. Please, let me help you now. I don’t ever want to see you like that again.”
“Okay.” Buck fiddled with his hands while looking down at them “What do you want to do?”
“I would like to hear exactly why you thought that going to that bridge was the best solution. I want to know who hurt you. I want to know everything so I can help you fix it.”
“I don’t know if this is something you can fix though.” Buck softly admitted. “I don’t think you can fix me, can you?”
“See? This right here? I need to know exactly why you think you need fixing. Because I don’t see anything wrong with you except that you got hurt.” Athen pointed out.
Buck gave a nervous energy laugh like he didn’t know what to do with himself as he shifted in his chair.
“I don’t know where to start.” Buck looked at her briefly before looking away. “There’s so much.”
“That’s okay baby.” Athena reached over and gripped Buck’s arm. “Start from the beginning. There’s no rush. I’m not going anywhere. Take your time and tell me what led you to that bridge last night.”
Buck sucked in a big breath trying to hold himself together. He nodded but he didn’t start right away. So many things happened in the last week that he had to sort it out in his head before he could lay them out into words.
“I guess you could say that everything started after the tuck bombing…” Buck started to tell his story.
How alone he felt during the healing process.
How hard he worked to get back to the team.
The embolism and blood thinners.
Being blocked from coming back to work.
The tsunami.
The lawsuit.
Learning that Bobby was the reason why he couldn’t come back to his team, his family.
How everyone treated him once he was finally able to come back.
That Bobby wouldn’t let him out on calls for months, only having him do chores.
Chim and Hen weren’t that bad but they took cues from Bobby as their captain.
Eddie’s cold shoulder and how he didn’t mention dating again.
Fucking Ana Flores.
Losing Christopher.
How he needed to change his ‘lifestyle’ if he ever wanted to see Chris again.
His parents.
His brother. The brother he never knew and will never meet because he failed to save him.
“You’re not a failure Buck.” Athena told him, sniffling a little as Buck told his story. She couldn’t help but go around and embrace him. He had been through so much, but she never could’ve imagined it was this bad.
She felt guilty for not being there sooner. She honestly thought he was doing well and didn’t once think that he needed a friend in his corner. She was definitely having words with his team and her husband on this.
“I think my life speaks for itself. I’ve failed or fucked up everything that I touch Athena.” Buck looked at her with tears in his eyes. He tried wiping them away. He was so tired from crying.
“That’s not true, Buck. You’re touching me right now, and nothing is happening.” Athena tried to tell him.
“Yet.” Buck gave a sad wet chuckle. “Give it some time. I’m sure even when I’m gone something will come up that’ll be my fault.”
Athena’s heart leaped in her chest. Her throat tightened.
“Well, you’ll just have to keep living so I can prove you wrong.” Athena gave a weak smile.
“I'll try.” Buck said. “I told you I would try, for you and I meant it.”
“Good.” Athen pulled away from Buck slightly but she never broke contact with him. “Because I meant when I said that I would fight for you and I am. Starting with that husband of mine.”
Buck’s face fell.
“No, you can’t tell him.” Buck pulled completely away as he got up from the chair. “You can’t tell him. He’ll bench me for sure and he’s your husband. I don’t want you fighting because of me.”
“And I thought I made it clear that I’m going to do this. You need someone in your corner and I volunteered. I’m going to fight for you and with you against anyone who hurt you baby. That includes my husband. He needs to know Buck. You know that I’m right. We can’t avoid this. It has to happen or nothing is going to change. Do you understand Buck?”
Buck paced back and forth, clearly agitated and making distressing noises like he was fighting with himself.
“Buck?”
“I know!” Buck exclaimed in an outburst. “I know! I just don’t want to see him disappointed in me again and I don’t know if I can take him benching me again.”
“I’ll be right here to stop any of that. If Boddy, of all people, gets disappointed by this, I will kick his ass so badly that he won’t be firefighting for a week. And, yes, he might bench you, but it won’t be forever. You’re not in a good place mentally. If one of your teammates were facing this, what you’re feeling, would you want them to be working right now?”
“No.” Buck didn’t even have to think about it. “I would want them to take some personal time and get help.”
“So what makes you different?” Athena asked softly. “Why would it be okay for your teammates to be benched to get help but not you?”
“I-” Buck’s eyes went back and forth trying to find a reasonable answer but couldn’t find one. “I just don’t want to be benched again, not again, not now.”
“Buck…” Athen reached out and put a comforting hand on Buck’s shoulder. “I know you’re afraid of being alone again if you’re benched but that won’t happen. If Bobby benches you, you will have me there. And if Bobby tried to stone wall you again, you come to me. I will not let this happen again. I swear to you.”
“You promise?” Buck whispered, scared and desperate to believe her.
“I promise.” Athena straightened up in her Sergent stance, her voice firm and controlled like the leader she was.
“Okay, you can tell him.” Buck relented and hoped that this wasn’t a mistake.
“Thank you Buck.” Athena squeezed his shoulder. “I know that that was difficult for you to do, but this will help. I promise you.”
“I believe you, Athena.” Buck told her and he hoped that everything she said was true. Well, he was about to find out sooner rather than later.
“Sit, try to relax. I’m going to make a phone call and we’re going to wait for Bobby to come home. We are going to talk and we are going to get to the bottom of this.”
Buck nodded and sat back down in his seat as Athena made the phone call to Bobby. It was quick. Athena didn’t want to go into much detail over the phone. This needed to be done in person.
Athena talked to Buck on how far she was allowed to explain. Athena was going to talk to Bobby alone first before bringing Buck out to talk too. She thought it would be better to start off with just her talking to Bobby because she had a lot of questions and they needed to be answered before risking Buck.
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When Bobby got kicked out of his own home, he had no idea why.
He tried to think of anything that he could’ve done that would’ve caused such cold, barely contained, fury in his wife, but nothing came to mind. When he made it to Michael’s place, he asked the other man if he had any idea of what was going on but he didn’t have a clue either.
“She called me and just asked if I could put you up for the night.” Micheal stated. “I tried to ask what had happened but she said that she couldn’t talk about it over the phone. I didn’t get much else out of her. I’m guessing you don’t know why you got kicked out?”
“Haven’t a clue.” Bobby shook his head. “I tried talking to her before leaving. The only thing I could get out of her was that I did something and it involved a call she had. She said that the person involved didn’t want her telling me anything yet and that she was respecting their wishes.”
“Well, that was a lot more than what I got. And you sure you don’t know who she’s talking about?”
“Nope.” Bobby popped his ‘p’. “I’ve tried to think but to be honest I’ve been around a lot of people with my job but no one stands out to me that Athena would get involved with.”
“Guess, you’ll have to wait until she calls you back huh?”
“Looks that way.” Bobby sighed. “I just wish I knew who it was. Then, I could narrow down what I did wrong.”
“Try to get some sleep. I’ve made the pull out couch for you. I even have some sleep meds if you want help falling asleep.”
“No, no thanks.” Bobby was tempted but he knew that he couldn’t have it.
“Okay, well, try to get at least some sleep then. I’ll see you a little later in the morning for breakfast.”
“Sure, yeah.”
Michale left and Bobby was only left with his thoughts. He tried to text Athena several times but she wouldn’t answer a single question. Finally, in the wee hours of the morning, he gave up. Sent a goodnight text, which to his surprise, she answered but that’s all she texted him.
Bobby sighed again and resigned himself to a sleepless night, anxious to get an answer tomorrow, hopefully.
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Bobby came home nervous and uncomfortable. He didn't know what to expect or how this was going to play out. Athena has been mad at him before but never like this. She kicked him out of the house with no explanation or reasoning. He just had to leave.
In all of the years he's been with her, she had never done that. She would at least give him a reason why she was mad. She was never one to hold back on anything. If she was mad, she'd let you know.
Bobby almost knocked on his own door before entering. He was that uncertain about what was happening. He decided not to knock, pulling his pride up and opened the door. He quickly found Athena in the kitchen, waiting for him. She had a cup of something in her hands, just staring out into space.
Bobby cleared his throat to gain her attention.
"Hey," Athena whispered as she noticed Bobby standing there with the bag she had packed for him.
"Hey," Bobby whispered back as he put his things down. He slowly walked over to her, taking measured steps, trying to judge her reaction to him. He came up to the opposite side of her on the kitchen island. "Is it okay to sit here?"
"Please." Athena waved her hand. "We have a lot to discuss."
"We do." Bobby agreed. "Can I say that whatever I did, I'm sorry. I still don't know what I did to cause such a negative reaction from you, but I would like to fix it if you'd let me."
"I'm glad to hear that, Bobby." Athena told him. "Because I need you’re help to fix it."
"What did I do? How can I fix it?" asked Bobby, leaning closer to her, ready to do whatever she asked.
"I need to tell you something." Athena started taking a deep breath. "I was on a call last night. I was sent out on to that old bridge that's right inside the city limits."
"That's really far outside of your district. Why were you called there?"
“Yes, that is outside my district. 911 dispatch got a call from a person who was passing by the bridge and noticed someone on the very edge. They waited a while to see if the person would move on; however the person only seemed to get more comfortable on the edge.” Athena started. “A unit was called to the scene to evaluate the situation. I was called there after because the officers that were sent recognized the person who was about to jump and called me.”
“You know the jumper?” Asked Bobby.
“I do. We do.” Athena emphasized on the ‘we’. “When I got to the scene I instantly recognized him, and I desperately wanted to stop him from doing what he intended to do.”
“Who was he? Were you able to save him?” Bobby questioned.
“I begged and I pleaded with him. I heard him out, and I heard why he wanted to do it. It hurt, Bobby. It hurt so much to hear him say why he wanted to end it.” Athena gently wiped away her tears. “I made a promise to him. I promised that if he decided to fight to live, I will be there to fight with him. I would be there to fight for him when he couldn’t.”
“ Athena, who is he?” Bobby asked again, more insisted this time around. He had to know. He had to know who it was they were talking about. Because if they both know this person, there was a very short list on who could’ve been on that bridge.
And anyone on that shortlist would break his heart knowing that they had gotten to the point where they thought they had to take their life and he didn’t realize it.
“It was Buck.” Athena revealed as she sniffed.
Bobby felt like he had been punched in the gut when Athena spoke Buck’s name. It couldn’t have been him. No! There was no way Buck would do that. It just wasn’t him. Buck’s always been happy and cheerful. Bobby couldn’t see Buck even thinking about taking his life. There had to be some kind of mistake.
“That can’t be possible. There’s no way Buck would do that.” Bobby shook his head in denial. He just couldn’t believe it. “Oh god, is he alive?!”
“Yes, he is. To be honest, I wouldn’t have thought Buck was capable either, but I was there Bobby.” Athena said with a firm voice. “I was there, and I had to talk him down! I had to hear him state why he wanted to kill himself! And let me tell you Bobby, it was not pretty and I am not happy. And it starts with you.”
"Me?" Bobby asked, leaning back in shock. "I don't think I've done anything recently to warrant him wanting to take his life!"
"Really?" Athena raised a brow in disbelief. "You can't think of anything or any particular event that could’ve happened to make Buck feel like this?”
“What? You mean the lawsuit?” Bobby asked with a scoff as he shook his head. “Buck was the one who decided to do that. Not me. He only has himself to blame.”
“Now, wait just a damn minute!” Athena slapped a hand on the counter. “If you had done the right thing in the first place and TALKED to that boy, he would’ve never gone to that lawyer.”
‘What? So, you’re saying it’s all my fault?” Asked Bobby feeling heated.
“Not all your fault but you played a very big part in it.” She reasoned. “If you had just talked to Buck about why you didn’t feel ready for him to come back, the lawsuit probably wouldn’t have happened.”
“ He wasn’t ready, Athena. He wasn’t ready.” Bobby pointed out.
“ You weren't ready and we both know it. Buck was ready. It was you who wasn’t ready for Buck to come back. And instead of telling Buck that, you went behind his back to stop him from coming back!” Athen argued. “Don’t tell me otherwise! I know the truth!”
“Okay, fine!” Bobby shouted as he got up. “I wasn’t ready! There! I said it! Happy?!”
“Not in the slightest.” Athena eyed her husband, squaring him with a look of disapproval. “But it’s a start.”
“I really don’t know what you want me to say, Athena. You want me to say that I fucked up? Fine! I fucked up! What else do you want me to do?! It’s in the past, Athena. I can’t change it.”
“You’re right, you can’t change it but you can make amends.” Athena told him. “What you did to that boy was horrible. That boy looked up to you like a father and with your actions you betrayed him.”
Bobby didn’t know what to say so he didn’t say anything. That was okay. Athena wasn’t done talking yet anyway.
“He trusted you more than just a Captain. He saw you as a mentor and father figure, more so than his own father. When you blocked him from getting his job back, that broke the trust he had in you. With your own actions before and after the lawsuit, you treated him like you couldn’t trust him. Like he had failed you somehow.”
“No!” Bobby shook his head. “That’s not true. I trust Buck with my life and he has never failed me! Disappointment sometimes, yeah, but never has that kid failed me. I care about him like my own!”
“Then start acting like it!” Athena yelled at him. “I heard how you just now started to let him on calls. For months you kept him behind and I also heard that your cold shoulder led the way for the rest of his time to outcast him.”
“Now, hold on there now.” Bobby held up his hands. “I kept him back to teach him that it’s my house. The team and I were humiliated with Buck telling that lawyer things that he shouldn’t have.”
“Most of those things are public record!” Athena pointed out. “Buck may have told the lawyer, but anyone could look it up and see for themselves. So don’t pull that shit with me. Should’ve Buck have said everything, probably not. But he had every right to prove to the court that he was being treated differently. And he was being treated differently, if I’m not mistaken.”
“You just don’t understand.” Bobby sighed.
“Oh, I understand perfectly. You care about that boy like your own. Buck got hurt because of you, badly. You felt guilty. It also didn’t help that Buck almost died in our own backyard.” Athena waved her hand to said yard. “That’s two scares that you had to see because of the Tuck Bombing. You couldn’t bear to see Buck go through that again. It was you who wasn’t ready. You weren’t ready to see Buck get hurt again. Because you know that he would eventually. Boy’s a daredevil. You couldn’t bear to see it so you stopped him from coming back and getting into trouble anyway you knew how.”
“Okay,” Bobby whispered as he sat back down. “I guess you do understand.”
“Oh, I know more than just that. A lot of things have happened in the last week that I don’t think you realize.” Athena looked down at her untouched drink. “Buck has gone through a lot and he’s hurting. I promised him that I would fight for him and with him. Boy had no one when I went to the bridge last night.”
“What are you going to do? What can I do to help?”
“We are going to be in Buck’s corner and fight.” Athena stated firmly. “You are going to TALK to Buck and tell him everything about why you held him back. And you’re going to be there for him, however he needs you to.”
“Okay,” Bobby nodded. “I can do that. So what hospital are we going to?”
“What hospital?”
“The hospital that Buck’s in?” Bobby’s brow folded forward. “He is in a hospital right? He’s in a psych ward, isn’t he?”
“Oh,” Athena waved her hand.”I wasn’t about to let them take Buck away. The media would’ve been all over that. I wasn’t about to let that happen.”
“What? Athena, where is he if he’s not in the hospital?” Bobby asked urgently.
“Here.” Athena gestured with her fingers towards the direction of their guest bedroom. “I’ve been looking out for him. He didn’t want you to know about all of this. He was afraid of what you would do.”
Bobby felt instant guilt over that. Buck was apart of his crew and knowing that someone on his crew was afraid to talk to him was a punch to the gut.
“I told him that I would handle you and anyone else that had hurt him. It’s one of the reasons I kicked you out last night. I was angry, sure, but Buck needed a safe place. He didn’t want to see you , so I kicked you out.”
“Okay,” Bobby looked down. “I can understand that. He didn’t want to go to his apartment though?”
“Said he’s apartment was cold.” Replied Athena. “I don’t blame him for not wanting to go there. So I brought him here.”
“And he’s been here the whole entire time?” Bobby was starting to realize something.
“Yes.”
Bobby screamed or yelled most of his conversation to Athena. There was no way that Buck didn’t hear it. How much of it begged the question but Bobby knew for certain.
He had to speak to Buck and clear the air.
Whatever had happened to them, was not worth Buck throwing his life away for. Bobby was going to fix this and anything else that had happened. The way Athena was talking, something else happened to push Buck over the edge.
First though, he was going to talk to Buck and then they’ll tackle the rest.