Chapter Text
A loving marriage. Such a pathetic concept. Who really got to spend their life with the one they loved? Such an illusion was nothing more than a child’s broken fairytale. That was something you recited to yourself over and over again as you stared blankly at the man you were going to spend the rest of your miserable life with.Tamaki Amajiki, a distinguished prince from one of three ruling families of your land. A man who did not love you and probably never would. He was to be your life sentence and he couldn’t even meet your eyes. You wondered, somberly, if there was a special person that already occupied his heart as he quietly recited hollow vows that meant nothing to either of you.
How different would his words be if he really did love the woman that was standing before him? How fast would your heart beat if you truly adored the man cradling your hands? It was a bitter thought. A fleeting glimpse of a life you would never have. Your union was born from nothing more than necessity and as his quivering lips pressed stiffly against your own, it was a fact you would never let yourself forget.
You woke up in a bed that was much too large, all alone, yet again. The vacant sheets beside you, that were always cold to the touch, was something you had come to expect. You hugged a lone pillow to your body, burying your face into its softness. Your mind began replaying a familiar fantasy as you tried desperately to ignore the rays of spilling sunshine that forced their way through your silky curtains. You would often imagine the pillow as the warm chest of a lover, they would run their fingers through your messy hair and whisper sweet nothings in your ear after a long, passionate night of love making.
It was the same scenario day after day but it was all you had to stave off the numbing loneliness that renewed itself every sunrise. Just a little longer, that’s all you wanted, just a second longer to pretend you were adoringly desired.
However, your dreams were dashed as your chambermaids filed in, their idle chatter causing you to begrudgingly open your eyes. You fought the urge to tell them to leave so you could continue to indulge in your pity party...but you knew better, after all that was no way for a queen to behave. You sighed internally as they urged you to your feet.
Today was a special day. It was your birthday, the first one you would be celebrating as the new queen who was lucky enough to exist next to Tamaki'ss side. The whole kingdom was a buzz about your special day, nobles from all over the country would be attending your grand celebration. You couldn’t seem to share their enthusiasm, you were already alone, but what better way for that painful point to be driven home then by meaningless interaction with hordes of faceless strangers who cared nothing for you. You could almost laugh at the absurdity of it all.
You were pulled out of your stupor when you felt nimble fingers gently tugging at the loose threads of your favorite worn nightgown. Ah, you knew who those tiny hands belonged to.
“Good morning Eri.” You hummed sweetly, picking the little girl up with a smile.
“Good morning big sister! Happy birthday!” Eri giggled enthusiastically as your heart swelled with affection. The only blessing about being trapped here was becoming familiar with the little angel that was Eri.
The long days that ate away at you sped up and the world regained its vibrant hue when you were with her. Her innocent smile and childish bright eyes filled you with an indescribable joy that had been missing for as long as you could remember.
She was your everything.
“Thank you sweetie, but anymore of these birthdays and I’ll get all wrinkly.” You chuckled as the small girl cupped your cheeks, her crimson eyes scanning your skin with immense precision.
“I don’t see anything!” She concluded with insistence.
You only placed a soft kiss on her nose in response before your chambermaids began fussing with your garments. You set Eri down amongst your numerous pillows and blankets, she quickly pulled one to her chest.
“Has big brother Tamaki said happy birthday to you yet?” She asked softly, there was a painful squeeze that gripped your tightened chest.
You couldn't tell her.
How COULD you tell her?
Tamaki probably wouldn’t even remember your birthday had it not been a public affair.
“You beat everyone to it Eri, you're so fast that no one can tell me before you!” You grinned playfully, which quickly earned you a shy smile from the little girl.
"I'm really happy everyone is going to be together today!" Eri said after a moment, she seemed so excited you couldn't help but mimic her energy.
"Yes, all our friends from all over will be coming! I'm sure they all can't wait to see you!" You hummed as you did your best to help your maids undress you.
"But it's your birthday!" She countered, falling back against the soft bed, her arms stretched out as she spoke. "They'll be more excited to see you!"
"If I were them, it be you I'd be thrilled to see Eri." You chuckled as you watched her.
Her little face bloomed with an embarrassed but flattered blush, her small hands fiddling with the golden seams of the peachy satin pillow that resided in her arms as she thought about your kind words.
"Oh! Are your parents coming?" Eri asked with curiousity. "I'd really like to meet them!"
You stilled for a moment, the chambermaids froze, their fussing coming to a halt at the seemingly innocent question that poked a wound that was far from closed.
"I'm afraid not dear. There's much more urgent matters they must attend to this evening." You sighed, your tone gentle but the severe pain in your words rippled just beneath your annealed glassy facade.
"But..." Eri's face fell as she sat up, the miniscule shift in your steady voice not going unnoticed by her keen ears. "...It's your birthday."
"Aw, don't worry sweetie! I'm already surrounded by lots of my beloved family." You replied with a chipper tone, reaching out patting her head affectionately. You did your best to conceal the waver leftover in your words. "You're here, aren't you?"
The tension in the room began to dissipate as Eri's dazzling smile crept back onto her little face. A silent wave of relief washed over your maids, it was common knowledge among the castle that they were to never bring up your family...but Eri was a child, she didn't know better and it's was not something you spoke about openly anyway.
You didn't want your sour mood to undermine the little angel's excitement, she was so happy for you.
How could you dampen such enthusiasm?
You both continued your idle chatter as your maids finished their ministrations, it had been quite a while since you'd seen Eri after all. Mirio, her guardian and Tamaki''s childhood friend had been away on confidential business for months and he had brought Eri with him.
You had begged the man to let her stay in your care while he was away but ultimately... he refused, he always did. Instead insisting she remain in his sight at all times. You did understand why but that didn't stop an Eri sized hole from forming within your heart. Even now, after your party concluded, she would be whisked away for no doubt months yet again.
And your one happiness would go with her.
A swift but polite knock at your bedroom door called your attention away from your thoughts. You sighed internally, knowing you'd have to continue your conversation with Eri later.
"Yes, come in." You summoned.
Tufts of bright blond hair entered your field of vision. His large ever present smile greeting you as Mirio stepped in, a sizable bouquet of pink peonies in hand.
"I should've known this is the first place you'd be, Eri." Mirio laughed as Eri gave him a bashful look. "She's been talking about seeing you nonstop ever since she heard about your birthday."
"I am equally as excited to see her. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think about her." You replied sincerely, not missing the look of guilt that crossed Mirio's face.
"Don't worry! I'll be able to come over more soon!" Eri grinned, her eyes darting to her caretaker. "We promised!"
"Is that so?" You questioned, a playful but equally skeptical look dancing across your features as you turned to face the man before you.
"Yea, we'll be returning home shortly after this upcoming week for a while and I've promised Eri that she'll be able to visit you as much as she'd like until we have to leave again." Mirio admitted sheepishly. "But it was supposed to be a surprise, Eri."
"Ah sorry, I forgot." The little girl giggled as she watched an expression of pure joy light up your wide eyes.
You could barely contain yourself as you gathered Eri up in your arms, squeezing her in an almost crushing hug. You found yourself unable to let go, afraid she'd be stolen from you if you dared loosen your grip, even for a moment. Your eyes closed as you held her, the weight of her small form grounding you to the world beneath your feet.
"I couldn't ask for a more amazing surprise." You whispered, burying your face in her soft white hair as she wrapped her small arms around your neck, laughing happily.
Mirio said nothing, choosing instead to watch you with understanding and sad eyes. The immense pain was written all over your body, it always was. From the first time he'd met you to the last time he saw you, he could've sworn you never once smiled at anything other than Eri. Your eyes always seemed distant and empty, filled with resignation and thinly veiled loneliness.
It was hard to witness.
Even more so when he took away the only person that gave you a reason to smile.
...But hopefully this announcement would give you some respite at least for a little while.
"Oh, before I forget-" Mirio started after a moment, offering you the fragrant bouquet with a grin. "Happy birthday Y/N."
"Thank you, Mirio." You said gratefully, a true, genuine smile painted onto your lips as you took the flowers from his outstretched hand. "I'll never forget this."
"I know..." Mirio gave you a gentle nod, his eyes flitting to the girl cradled in your arms protectively.
"..I hate to take Eri from you but we have a couple things to get done before tonight's party." Mirio said tentatively, his voice careful as he relayed the information to you.
"I'm getting a new dress for the party!" Eri squeaked enthusiastically.
"I can't wait to see it darling!" You grinned up at her, tucking a loose strand of stray hair behind her ear before setting her down gently. "I'm sure whatever you choose it'll be beautiful on you!"
"We'll be back as soon as possible." Mirio reassured you, resting a soothing hand on the small of you back. "I promise."
"Thank you Mirio, I really appreciate it." You replied quietly, your gaze still fixed on Eri as she waved to you, heading out with one of your maids to go collect her things.
"I wouldn't have been able to return if it wasn't for Tamaki." The man sighed wistfully. He had promised his best friend he wouldn't say anything but you just had to know, he couldn't keep this from you. "Us being here is all his doing."
"Is it?" You muttered, finally lifting your stare to gaze upon Mirio.
"Yes, he was able to buy us some time with the Commander." He continued after you granted him your full attention. "I honestly have no idea how he did it. He's super amazing, you know."
"Will he be here tonight?" You inquired, moving to set the flowers on your vanity before gesturing for one of your chambermaids to bring a vase.
"He wouldn't miss it." Mirio insisted, watching as you gingerly pulled the peonies from their festive wrapping.
"I'll be sure to speak to him then." You mumbled while you ran your fingers over the soft pink petals, taking in their sweet smell. "It's been a long time since he's been home."
"I know you miss him." Mirio dared to say, his tone light. You paused, staring vacantly at your reflection as your maids hurried out of the room.
"How could I miss a man I don't know?" You huffed, eyes dagger like in appearance as they regarded Mirio with tired annoyance. "I'm surprised he even remembers my birthday."
"He cares about you quite a bit, more than you think he does." The man refuted, not dropping your icy stare.
"Hmm, I'm sure he does, that's why he leaves me here alone for months and never writes." You hissed bitterly before correcting your tone to a more polite one. "Well regardless, he's the reason Eri is here so I do want to make sure to express how thankful I am."
Mirio saw no point in trying to plea his best friend's case, you clearly didn't want to discuss the matter anymore and it's not as if you were completely wrong in your irritation.
Tamaki, though he did try, was never good with his communication and his status dictated him away for long periods of time. Your relationship was strained even before that but the constant distance really seemed to dig at both of you.
Tonight was the first night you'd see each other in over three months and you weren't looking forward to it. Your interactions weren't malicious or cruel but they were sterile and cold, most wouldn't even know you had been sworn to each other for life.
It drained you.
"You should go Mirio, Eri is probably waiting on you." You concluded calmly, breaking the staring match you'd had with the man only moments before. "Thank you again for the flowers, they're beautiful."
"Of course, I'm happy you like them." Mirio finally relented after some time, knowing that there was no use trying to engage you in further conversation. "We'll see you tonight."
He gave you one of his famous signature goofy grins before stepping out, you watched his back as he left, silently wondering if he really would return.