Chapter Text
Regulus has way too much on his plate right now. Between everything with Umbridge, Voldemort being back, the Order getting back together, the beginning of what is going to be a very stressful school year, and his actual teaching job, everything seems to just be going at least a little wrong. Including back at home.
He’s a worrier, he’ll admit it, and Cynthia has really been worrying him. She got a little sick at the beginning of the month, just headaches and a fever. Regulus was sure it would go away in time, but it never did. He would go home on weekends to see her in a dark house, laying on the couch with a cold towel on her head, complaining of a headache. She never got migraines before, but he guesses that’s a symptom of getting older. He’s still really worried, though.
Today seems particularly worthy of that worry.
He opens the door as quietly as he can, oddly only seeing their two cats, Amos and Andy, asleep on the couch despite the TV being on. He shuts the door behind himself and slips his shoes off, peeking over the back of the armchair with its back to the door to see if she’s there. She’s not, Regulus starting to look around for her.
“Thia?” He calls, looking into the kitchen and heading back towards their room and peaking in, seeing their bathroom door open and no one in the bed. “Thia?” He calls again, walking out and towards the small hallway between their two guest bedrooms, one of them that isn’t a bedroom at all and rather houses Regulus’ piano. Between the two of them is a bathroom, Regulus seeing the door closed. He pauses a moment, considering it odd that she didn’t yell back when he called for her.
He decides to knock on the door, “Thia? Are you alright?”
He hears nothing but a quiet groan from inside, his anxiety spiking. He knows she hasn’t felt well and the fact that she’s locked up in the bathroom means that something is definitely wrong, at least in his head.
“Hey, sweetheart, I’m going to come in, can you unlock the door?” He softly asks, hearing the lock on the door click open. He slowly opens the door to see only the nightlight plugged into the wall. She’s leaning back against the bathtub, her head in her hands, her legs out in front of her. She’s still in her pajamas, rather his pajamas, looking up at him when he walks in. Her eyes are red and puffy, her face soaked with tears and clear tear tracks down her face. She lets her hands fall into her lap and gives him a weak smile.
“Hey Reggie,” She barely says, her voice rough.
“Hi, you look like you’re really not feeling good,” He comments, couching down in front of her and reaching out the back of his hand to put on her forehead. She shakes her head.
“No fever, I checked,” She tells him, Regulus pulling his hand back.
“What’s wrong then?” He asks, sitting down completely, “Still the headache?”
“Mhm,” She hums, “And I’m, uh, I’m.” She pauses for a concerningly long moment, “Sick, vomiting sick.”
“Nauseous?”
“Yeah, yeah, fuzzy head, I’m sorry,” She apologizes, “I think a lot of what I’m having a hard time with is because of the headaches.”
Regulus sighs, “You’ve been getting worse headaches for a month, I really think you need to see a doctor, Thia.”
“It’s fine,” She brushes him off, “I’m-” She’s cut off by a gag, leaning over the toilet next to her but throwing up nothing but bile into it, Regulus putting a hand on her shoulder.
“You’re not alright, sweetheart, please just go to the doctor, for peace of mind,” He presses, rubbing her shoulder as she rests her arms on the toilet, her head on top of that. “Even if they say that it’s nothing, just migraines or whatever, please just make sure it’s nothing serious.”
She nods, still with her head down, “Yeah, yeah, I will.”
“Thank you, I just want you to feel better,” Regulus leans over and gives her a kiss on the side of the head, “I love you a lot, I don’t want anything to happen. Better safe than sorry.”
She silently nods again, closing her eyes a moment and taking a deep breath in.
“Do you want to try eating something light? Have you eaten yet today?” He questions, Cynthia just shaking her head, “No to both?”
“Mhm,” She affirms, “I just want to lay in bed, nothing else.”
“Ok, that’s fine,” Regulus nods, “Do you maybe want to take a painkiller first though?”
“Mmm, I don’t think we have anymore,” She counters, “I couldn’t find it.”
Regulus looks at her, confused, “It’s where it always is, in the medicine cabinet above the sink. We just got more last week.”
“Huh?” She puzzles, thinking for a minute before nodding, “Oh, yeah, medicine cabinet, right.”
Regulus tries to cover up his concern and just gets up, extending a hand to her. She takes it, putting a surprising amount of weight on him to pull her up from the ground. This catches their cats’ attention, both of them sitting up to look at the two of them.
“Have you eaten today?” She asks as they slowly make their way out of the bathroom, Cynthia clearly unsteady on her feet. She continues to hold his hand as they head into their bedroom, putting weight on him every time they step.
“Don’t worry about me, be more concerned with making sure you stay healthy,” He dismisses her, flicking on the light as they walk into the bedroom. Amos and Andy come up from behind them, both of them happily jumping up onto the bed.
She weakly laughs, “I can’t let you have all the fun, I have to ask too.”
Regulus jokingly rolls his eyes, walking off towards his side of the bed on the farther side of the room from the door, assuming Cynthia will be fine on her own. He’s wrong because the second he lets go of her hand and she heads towards her side of the bed alone she stumbles forward and has to catch herself on the wall, Regulus rushing over to help her up.
“Are you alright?” He asks as he puts her arm over his shoulders and helps her sit down on the bed, which isn’t made. Something else that tells Regulus she really isn’t feeling well.
“Mhm, I’m fine, tripped a little,” She assures him, “Splitting headache, remember?”
“I know, but that was a little bit of a hard fall,” He argues, “Just lay down for a bit, do you want me to turn off the light?”
“Please,” She replies as she pulls up the blanket from the bottom of the bed over her, Regulus walking over and turning the light off in the room, going to his side of the bed and lighting the candle on the nightstand so there’s at least a little light in the room.
“Is the candle ok?” He asks as he heads towards the bathroom.
“It’s fine,” She replies, “Just lay down, come here.”
“Give me a minute, let me get some medicine for you,” He reminds her, going into the cabinet and pulling out their painkiller, deciding to go with the liquid one so she doesn’t choke. He pours her the right dose and walks into the other room, handing it to her. She just downs it, not even batting an eye at how disgusting this strength painkiller is. She must really be in pain right now.
Regulus takes the cup and puts it back on top of the bottle, putting them back into the cabinet and going back over to his side of the bed. With their two cats at the foot of the Regulus lays down and grabs onto her hand under the covers. It’s 12 in the afternoon, he really shouldn’t be going back to sleep right now. But he could see it in her eyes, which have now drifted shut, she really isn’t feeling good. They’re almost hollowed, clearly tired from a month of this. He needs her to see a doctor before he goes insane because all it seems he does is this. Take care of her on weekends to worry about her all week to come home to her worse than he last saw her.
She just can’t be really sick. He needs her to be alright.
***
Regulus walks back into his quarters, itching to give Cynthia a call. Her appointment was today, and Regulus just really wants to know how it went. Normally he’s in his classroom late at night but not today Not only does he not have the time to talk to anyone he’d also rather not get questioned by Umbridge, and she likes to attack him when he has students just hanging out in his room.
He immediately goes over to the phone on the back wall and dials his house phone, leaning against the counter next to the phone. Cynthia picks up almost immediately.
“Hello?” She answers, sounding a lot more bright today than she has for the past few.
“Hey Thia,” Regulus greets, “How was your day?”
“It was good, I went to the doctor today,” She tells him.
“Mhm, I’ve been waiting to hear about how it went all day,” He replies, “So, what did he say?”
“Well, he said to figure out what’s wrong he wants to start with a CT scan, since the pattern of headaches and the other, other uh, medical feelings, uh,” She trails off, struggling to remember the word.
“Symptoms,” He finishes for her.
“Yeah, yeah, symptoms, like that one right there, just make him want to look and make sure my head is ok,” She sighs, “I just hope everything is fine, I feel like I’m having deja vu. I’ve been through this a few times before.”
Regulus nervously taps his finger on the counter, having no idea what to say to that. It’s scary, really scary, they both know full well that brain cancer runs in Cynthia’s family. Not only that, none of her family members have ever managed to live through it. It’s an absolutely terrifying thought and he almost loses himself in it.
“I’m sorry, that sounded scary, my doctor said it probably isn’t cancer,” She clarifies, “He said not to worry too much yet, that it could just be stress responses on top of developing migraines or something. The wizarding world is going to shit, you know, it’s not big, you know, uh, a big- Reggie what am I looking for?”
“Surprise,” He tells her.
“Yes, yes surprise,” She affirms, “I wouldn’t worry about it now, honey, we’ll cross that bridge if it comes up.”
“Mhm, I’ll try,” He assures her, letting the silence hang for a moment before asking, “How do you feel today?”
“Good! I’ve felt good today. A little headache but that’s nothing out of the ordinary with everything going on,” She happily answers, “I decided to take the full day off of work, so I went out to, uh, to eat with Lily. I- I decided against telling her everything, she’s got enough to worry about as is.”
“Yeah, I was talking to James the other day and he’s been super worried about Harry and such,” Regulus agrees, “I’ve been keeping an eye on him, though, making sure he doesn’t get into too much trouble.”
“That’s impossible now,” She laughs, “He seems to be the center of trouble.”
“No kidding, he has a good habit of coming to me if things get really scary, though, which is good,” Regulus tells her, “Anyway, anything else new with you?”
“Since we talked yesterday?” She jokes, “Nothing really- Oh, I brought Andy for his cardiologist appointment today, I forgot.”
“How’d that go?” Regulus asks.
“Good! The vet said he’s doing really well considering his condition and it’s likely he’ll be healthy for a while if we continue to be diligent about his medication and everything,” Cynthia happily tells him, “When we came home Amos made sure to give him a lot of love. They were a blob of white, black, and orange all afternoon.”
“That’s great news, I’m glad,” Regulus smiles, thinking a moment before thinking of something to talk about, “Oh, do you want to hear what happened in my Seventh Year class today?”
“Oh no, they always have such fun stories,” She comments, “Tell me.”
“So, Dolores decided to pay a visit today, but my kids were having none of it, the entire time they were mouthing off to her about everything,” Regulus tells her, jumping into the story of how his Seventh Year kids managed to bully Umbridge out of asking Regulus a million personal questions. It feels normal, for a minute, him just telling her about his day and how things have been since 24 hours ago when they last talked.
But Regulus is still impossibly worried, afraid about all the unknowns around the corner for the two of them.
He can just hope it’s the best possible scenario, whatever that is.
***
Regulus has been nervous all day .
Cynthia’s CT scan was today, and he’s been practically shaking all day. He can’t help but think of the worst-case scenario, that’s just in his nature and it’s really killing him today.
He retires to his room earlier than he normally would, making sure to keep up the pace to get there as soon as possible. He makes a beeline for the phone when he gets in the room, immediately dialing his house phone and impatiently waiting for Cynthia to pick up.
After a couple of seconds, he hears her rough, tired voice pick up on the other side, “Hello?”
“Hello Thia,” He greets, “How are you?”
“Mmm, I don’t know, shitty,” She tells him, “I got the scan today.”
“Mhm, how’d it go?” He asks as if he hasn’t been waiting for this answer all day.
Cynthia stays quiet for a concerningly long moment before replying, “There’s good and bad news, I have to give you the bad news first.”
Regulus feels his stomach churn at that, but hums in agreement anyway, “Mhm.”
“Bad news,” She takes a deep breath before she practically whispers, “It’s a tumor.”
Regulus feels like his heart just stopped, but before he can truly panic about what he thinks that means for them Cynthia stops him.
“No, hold on,” She cuts into his extremely anxious train of thought. “There’s good news too.”
“What is it?” He questions, although his hopes are really low right now.
“They said that the spot it’s in is probably what’s causing all of this and that it’s likely benign,” She explains, “He said not to waste energy worrying until they take it out- Oh, that’s the other bad news. They need to take it out.”
“Yeah, I figured,” Regulus sighs, “Have you made the appointment yet? I’ll take a day or two off so I can come home.”
“No, you don’t have to,” She dismisses him, “It’s for this Friday, he wants to, uh, like- get it out as soon as possible.”
“Wow, that’s soon, are you sure you don’t want me taking Friday off? It’s really no big deal, you need someone to go with you anyway, just let me take the day off,” He presses, but she doesn’t let up.
“Mm-mm, I called Cass, she’s taking me. I don’t want you taking the day off for me, you’ll be home that weekend anyway,” She reasons, her sentence falling off there. Regulus has a feeling that he should be taking the day off, but she has a point, he’ll be home that weekend.
“I’ll come home Friday afternoon instead, after classes end,” He tells her, “What time is it?”
“It’s, it’s uh, 12 I think,” She hesitantly answers, “I don’t really remember. I told Cass, though. I got everything squared away with work too, which is why I’m in a bit of a haze right now.”
“That’s fine, then I’ll just come to the hospital, did he say how long after until you can go home?”
“He said for me not long, as long as there are no, no like, problems,” She answers, “3 or 4 days, 2 or 3 nights.”
“That’s good, that’s not long at all,” Regulus replies, “And for lab results, did he tell you anything about that?”
“Mmm, don’t remember,” She groans, “I’m sorry, I feel like shit right now, these questions are causing my head to pound.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” He quickly apologizes.
“My fault, I should have said it,” She corrects him.
Regulus hesitates before asking, “I’m sorry, I know I said no more questions, but did you take the painkiller we have? I don’t want you feeling horrible all night and not eating anything, it’s not good for you.”
“Mm-mm, we have no more,” She tells him even though he knows they do.
“No, we do, it’s in our bathroom, medicine cabinet,” He tells her, hearing her get up from wherever she’s laying. “It’s on the top shelf, the cup has two lines on it, one for me and one for you. You’re the higher line.”
“Mhm, mhm, I got it,” She assures him, going quiet for a minute before Regulus hears her take the phone away from her ear. He waits until she puts it back and speaks again, “Thank you.”
“Of course,” He smiles, “Do you want me to let you go early today? You sound like you need some rest.”
“Mmm, it’s fine,” She brushes him off, Regulus hearing her lay back down, “I’m just laying on the couch watching TV, listening to you won’t hurt.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to sleep?”
“Sure,” She states, “If I fall asleep on the phone it’s ok, it’ll be like you’re here.”
Regulus feels a pang of guilt that he can’t be home when she’s going through all this stress. “Alright, do you want to hear about today’s excitement with my Seventh Years?”
“Mhm,” She listlessly hums, clearly half asleep.
“Well, I had them doing a generally quiet activity, but…”
***
Regulus thanks the receptionist as she hands him back his ID and visitors sticker, listening to her instructions and heading down the hall, taking the elevator up a few floors to where Cynthia’s room is. Her surgery, apparently, was actually at 10, so she’s already awake and in her own room.
Regulus heads down the hallway until he sees room 109, carefully pushing open the door and walking inside. On the bed is his wife, clearly half out of it but alert, looking over at him when he walks in. She’s hooked up to at least three machines and has an IV in her arm and her hair up, but smiles at him nonetheless. Cassandra, sitting on the chair next to her, gives him a wave as he walks in.
“Reggie,” Cynthia greets as Regulus walks up and takes a seat in the hospital chair on the other side of her, “Hi.”
“Hi Thia,” He smiles, moving the chair a bit so it’s right next to her bed, “How are you feeling?”
“Mmm, good, like I just had brain surgery,” She tells him, her voice very tired and very coarse but still with a little bit of cheerfulness in it. He can tell that she just woke up recently.
“I couldn’t have guessed,” He jokes, Cynthia mustering a small laugh. They’re cut off by Cassandra getting up.
“I’m sorry I have to leave right after you got here, Regulus, but I need to be getting back to the shop, I promised them I’d be back by this afternoon,” She tells them, looking down at Cynthia, “I hope you feel better, koala, remember I’m only a call away if you need anything.”
“Mhm, thank you so much, Cass,” Cynthia smiles up at her, Cassandra returning it.
“I love you.”
“Love you too,” Cynthia replies, Cassandra looking back to Regulus.
“I’ll see you maybe in the next year, who knows,” She jokes, “Take care of her, or I’ll have your head.”
“Cass!” Cynthia whines, Regulus just laughing.
“I will, don’t worry,” He assures Cassandra.
“Good,” She quips back as she heads towards the doorway, “I’ll see you soon, koala, let me know anything new that comes up, ok?”
“I will, bye Cass,” Cynthia musters the smallest wave with the arm not hooked up to an IV, Cassandra returning it before heading out of the room. Cynthia looks back at Regulus and smiles, “I’m glad you’re here.”
“I got here as soon as I could, I’m really happy you’re alright,” He takes her hand sitting on the bed, “I’ve been nervous all day.”
“I’m ok, don’t have to be nervous,” She gives him the smallest head shake.
“I’m still nervous, but I’m really glad you’re doing good,” He answers, “I know you told me yesterday you were worried about them shaving your hair, how much did they have to?”
“Not much, Cass said,” She turns her head in the other direction to show him the small, clean-shaven patch of hair on the side of her head, a little bit behind her ear. The scar is pretty nasty, though.
“Oh, that’s not a lot at all,” He confirms, turning his head as she looks back to show her how small the patch was.
“Good, that’s small,” She sighs, “Still sucks.”
“Mhm, but it’ll be alright, hair grows back,” He assures her, “You probably won’t even be able to see it when your hair is down, it’s off to the side.”
“I hope so,” She lets her head roll back forward on the pillow, looking straight forward before quietly asking him, “I’m scared, Reggie.”
Stupidly, Regulus asks, “Of what?”
“Of this. They say it’s probably not cancerous but what if it is? ” She looks over at him, her face twisted into worry. “I’ve watched this before, I know how it ends, I’m just- I’m really scared.”
Regulus cups her cheek with his other hand, careful not to touch any of the stuff hooked up to her head right now, Cynthia leaning into the touch. “Don’t worry about that until we get to it. If it is, we’ll deal with that then, but for now focus on recovering from this, one thing at a time.”
“One thing at a time,” She repeats, Regulus nodding. “I’ll try.”
“That’s all I ask,” He smiles back, taking his hand away as he hears someone walk into the room. He tries to take the hand that’s holding Cynthia’s back, but she just squeezes it to tell him no.
Into the room walks a tall bald man in a white doctor’s coat. “Oh, we’ve swapped guests in here,” He chuckles, walking over to Regulus, who stands up to shake his hand, “I’m Dr. Fields, I’m Cynthia’s neurologist.”
“It’s nice to meet you, I’m Regulus, her husband,” He introduces himself, sitting back down when he starts to walk towards the foot of her bed.
“It’s nice to finally meet you,” He smiles at him before taking the clipboard off of the foot of Cynthia’s bed and scanning it, nodding and putting it back before speaking again. “Alright, great, so I know that you’re probably not super excited to hear about all of the doctor stuff right now, Cynthia, but there are a few things that I just need to make sure your husband knows, alright?”
“Mhm, it’s fine,” She assures him, Dr. Fields nodding before looking back to Regulus.
“You live with Cynthia, correct?” He asks, Regulus nodding. “Perfect, so recovery shouldn’t take more than 4 or so weeks, however…”
***
A week later, Regulus hasn’t heard any bad news from Cynthia, deciding that whatever it is it isn’t bad enough to warn him about before he gets home. He decided to come home early on Friday again since Cynthia is still recovering and he wants to make sure she’s ok, and he’s surprised to walk into the house to see her sitting upright on the couch, Amos in her lap and Andy on the couch next to her. She looks over at him when he walks in, giving him a smile that clearly isn’t genuine. Her eyes are red and puffy, but Regulus reminds himself that her head was just cut open a week ago, it’s unlikely that she’s going to be amazing overnight.
“Hey Thia,” He greets, taking his shoes off and walking over, leaning over the side of the couch to give her a kiss before heading into the kitchen to see what they have to eat, knowing it’s likely that she hasn’t eaten much today.
“Uh, hey Reggie,” She looks back at him, “Can you- Can you come sit here for a minute? I need to talk to you about something.”
Regulus immediately feels his heart rate pick up, hesitantly nodding and walking over to sit to her left, rubbing Andy’s head as he looks up at him. Cynthia’s broken expression sends a million worrying assumptions through his head, but he doesn’t get to brush any of them off before she starts speaking.
“I- I got a call from my doctor on Tuesday, the lab results came in and-” She looks down into her lap, sniffling and shaking her head before looking back up at him, her eyes glistening with tears. “It’s brain cancer. Stage 2.”
Regulus’ heart hits his feet and he immediately feels impossibly sick. It can’t be. It can’t be. His eyes well up with tears and all he can do is stare at her. No words are able to describe the sinking feeling he has right now.
“He said- He said that we caught it early, but just- just not early enough,” She presses her lips into a tight line as tears start to roll down her cheeks, “With my family history I have 12 months.”
Regulus tries to open his mouth to say something, anything to provide his wife any comfort. But he can’t, he can’t do anything but let tears fall down his face looking at her. His entire world, the only person on this Earth who ever really understands him. Dying.
He urges Andy off the couch and moves over to pull her into a hug, but it’s one-sided. She leaves her hands down in her lap, just resting her head on his shoulder. He lightly rocks the two of them back and forth, trying to push the lump in his throat back. This isn’t his moment to cry, this is hers.
After a moment she whispers to him, “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart, nothing,” He counters.
“Mm-mm,” She shakes her head, sitting back and looking at him, tears freely flowing down her face “I know what that feels like, I know so well how horrible it feels to hear that, and how horrible it is to watch somebody wither away. You shouldn’t have to go through this, you shouldn’t.”
“I’m not going anywhere, I’m in this with you,” He grabs the hand that’s sitting in her lap, the other wrapped around her shoulder, “I don’t want you to apologize, you don’t have to. Things aren’t hopeless, and whatever it takes I’m going to stick with you through it, ok?”
She nods.
“I love you, I love you so much,” He emphasizes, unable to bite back at the tears that run down his face.
“I love you too,” She replies, looking back down into her lap at Amos, dead asleep as if nothing is wrong. “I’m not ready to die yet.”
“You’re not going to,” He tries to assure her, not wanting to face the thought himself. “We caught it early, even if it wasn’t early enough to remove it, it’s early enough to beat it.”
She shakes her head, not looking up at him, letting tears drip down onto the unknowing cat in her lap. “No one in my family has ever lived through this. No one. They all die.”
“And you can break that, Thia,” He rubs her shoulder, “You’re the strongest-willed person I’ve ever met, if anyone is going to do it you are. You’re younger than when you’re family members got diagnosed, it’s not as progressed, technology is better. You just have to believe you will.”
She looks up at him a minute, analyzing his expression a second before looking back down and nodding, “I guess you’re right, yeah.” She looks up at him again, “My mother always told me that, that when you stop believing you’ll live is when you stop getting better.”
Regulus just smiles sadly at her, having no more words of comfort to provide. He wants to believe what he just said, but he’s really struggling to. Everything feels so hopeless right now, he can barely let himself say that this is going to go any other way, but he needs Cynthia to believe that she’ll be alright.
“I’m going to do everything I can not to make you go through what I had to,” She tells him.
“Do it for you,” He argues, “Not for me.”
“I’ll do it for both of us,” She reasons, giving him a weak smile, “So we can grow old together like we always talked about.”
Regulus feels another wave of tears well up in his eyes at the thought, covering it up by leaning in and giving her a kiss. When he sits back he sees some of the light return to her eyes, but he can’t feed off that energy. He can’t help but think of the reality of the situation, the history of fast onset deterioration every family member before her has shown. The reality that he probably doesn’t even have a year left with the person he loves.
He just hopes she can beat this, he needs her to beat this.
Because he can’t live without her here.