Work Text:
i wish i weren't here
burdening and torturing my peers.
suffocated by my own tears
tryna find a place to vent
but every kids depression is bent
i get anxious when awoken
so i dont feel like waking
my body is just my shell
no real meaning to this hell
known to be a procrastinator
do they really know im not a mentor?
suicidal thoughts flooding my brain
i just dont want live in pain
but again i see my family on the side lines
i wont be able to stay this vile
lifes cashing and its easy to note
wanna find a way out like im in a boat
need a place to hide from my emotions
didnt think they would ever be the death of me
but they'll never be able to see me gleam.
i wanna live a life without constant fear
dont know when dads gonna say pack your bags get outa here
dont know when moms gonna say its fine just dont tear
when my world comes crashing down they aint gonna see it coming
i wanna jump off off the cliff ive always parted
knowing id be back with my horendous thoughts
telling me to jump off there aint no more acting as a bot
programmed to be happy and put up a show
but when the battery dies their aint no mask to hold
just a broken girl who thought she was bold
looking down at the city feeling nothing more but cold
hands are shaking phone is vibrating brain is crashing legs are running.
telling herself to glide right down
there aint no bigger injury than the mental scar
she wish she had help but her mentality drove her far
shes staring down at the city she knew it aint a war
just a little nudge off the edge and she'll be gone
but hey its fine cause she was just a con
impersonating the girl she wish she was till dawn
phone call being set out saying she didnt make it out
sometimes it fells like my brain isnt elaborating
its falling behind in life
everythings turning into a race for it
it just a needs a break for a bit
completely shut down just so things wouldnt hit
running this marathon with all these emotions
dont know if ill ever compete
ive fallen
i got up and ran away
nowhere to go other than the deep pit
my mind is racing my heart is pounding
and i dont think i wanna continue, im bounding
fucking help me outa here
get me away from these emotions
they are rotting my mind
causing comotions
sending me to panic
making me manic
thoughts flooding and flowing
no stop to it, it keeps on blowing
for the love of fucking god please help me outa here
please im begging you
i just need a break
im just a kid who played with dolls after the awake
but now its turning and spiraling against me
the feelings i once thought were gonna fade soon
stayed longer than expected
its left me no choice but to fucking end it
im sorry to anyone that ive offended
goodbye it was a nice trip
ill see you one day just for now its over
my head is falling
the crown is slipping
the girl is gone with just the poison she is sipping
from life she is dipping
her potential future is being cut up and non existant
im sorry i give up
-YOur beloved Ashley