Chapter Text
It had been such a peaceful day, dare he say, productive even. The sea was calm, the crew happy, and they had finally found some time to get long put off repairs and cleaning done on the Nein Heroez. Jester had actually agreed to stop rearranging things in the stock closet to confuse the cook, and was helping maintain the sail. Mollymauk was, by some miracle, actually following orders, and helping repaint some of the worn sides of the ship. It was a good day for Captain Tusktooth.
That was until the blue arcane lights of the Transport Circle lit up. He was still asking himself why he let Caleb put that blasted thing on the desk of his ship. It's not like they had a caster on the crew that could use it, just the two other wizards of the Might Nein could come and go as they pleased. That had proven to be a very large mistake, because nothing distracted his First Mate and Lieutenant more than when their favorite mages paid a visit. Especially Molly, forget whatever duties he was supposed to be doing, if Caleb was there the two were inseparable.
Fjord stepped up the circle, prepared to kindly ask Caleb to wait until Molly was at least not swinging from the side of the ship covered in paint for their reunion, but two humans stumbled out, both a little wide eyed and panicked. So much for his peaceful day.
Caleb was sweating, his cheeks bright red and was looking around wildly with eyes that were no longer blue as the ocean, but fiercely dark. Beau just looked surprised, and a little worried as she was currently holding her empire brother up, or rather holding him still while juggling some kind of package in her arm. What the fuck was going on?
Before Fjord could ask, Caleb extricated himself and was almost launching himself into the middle of the deck, stumbling a little and yelling.
“Mollymauk! Molly?”
Fjord’s eyes were bouncing between the two humans, not sure who he should stop and question to get back control of his ship. Beau just shrugged her shoulders and crossed her arms, obviously ready to watch whatever chaos was about to unfold.
“Mollymauk!?” Holy Wildmother, Caleb could be loud when he wanted to be. Molly clambered up from the side of the railing to see what the commotion was, blue paint smeared across his cheek still. Apparently the wizard couldn’t be bothered about it, because the moment the tiefling's feet were both on the desk he was tackled.
The suddenness to it made Fjord start, there were a lot of things he would put up with from his friends in the Mighty Nein, but fighting on his deck was not one of them. Except when he got closer he realized the two were not grappling, they were kissing. Or whatever it's called when one of you had your face smashed into the other’s laughing one, and desperately trying to hold onto each other.
“It’s nice to see you too, Caleb,” Molly managed, giggling as he struggled to pull away from his wizard enough to get some fresh air.
“I need you,” Caleb latched himself to Molly’s neck, very undiginfigly draping himself across the blood hunter. Molly caught him, and looked to Fjord extremely amused, and then passed him where Beau was still standing, shaking her head but not intervening, as though she knew this was going to happen.
“Well Cap, it looks like I need a personal day,” Molly was already making moves to drag Caleb down into the personal quarters. Fjord knew it was pointless to try to stop him, but he did anyway.
“Mollymauk, you still have work to-” he was stopped by a combination of Molly waving him off, and Caleb taking the opportunity to slam his partner into the nearest wall and grind on him while frantically speaking in Zemnian.
“Wenn du mich jetzt nicht fickst, könnte ich sterben,” Neither himself or Molly knew was the man was saying, but the intent was very clear by the gutteral sounds Caleb was making as he sucked a bruise into the tieflings chest. Fjord was horrified. He had never seen Caleb publicly show affection, much less dry hump his first lieutenant. Something must obviously be wrong.
“Take it out of my day’s pay,” Molly muttered, finally getting the upper hand by lifting the human by the waist just enough to get them stumbling toward the stairs to get below the desk.
“You don’t get a day’s pay,” He said to no one since neither of the two men were paying him any attention. He sighed. What the fuck was going on, on his own ship?
He turned to an equally horrified Beau. Maybe she would have some answers, but he didn't get within two paces of her before she was calling out,
“Jester! Hey Jester, you around?”
“No, I don't care what kind of magic is possessing Caleb, you are not doing that to my girlfriend,” He halfway snarled, frustrated with his lack of information. Beau just cocked her eyebrow dismissively,
“Chill dude, I just need her to tell me what this is,” she held out the package she had been carrying just as Jester was sliding down the mainsail.
“I thought I heard Cayleb!” Jester gave Beau a strong enough hug that she almost dropped the bag in her hands, “Whatchya all doing here? Miss me?”
“Of course, but ah - Caleb said that you would know what this is. There is a list of the ingredients, but DON’T open the bottle,” the monk supplied, but it wasn't enough for Fjord to go off of to know if he should be worried about what was going on in the crew’s quarters or not.
“Mind explaining why y’all are here Beau? You know I love to see you both, but a little notice is always welcome,” he was trying not to be rude, but their unexplained entrance and borderline assault of one of his officers was. He didn't care how long the two had been dating.
“To be honest, I am not sure. All I know is that some of the staff at the Soltryce came and got me when Caleb was found stumbling around the hallways asking for his husband,” she explained, but looked confused herself.
“He isn't married,” Caleb had been trying to date under the radar, hating when his students asked him questions about his love life, especially since it was more than a little complicated.
“Duh, hence why they got me. I pieced together that he caught some students experimenting in the lab with some components they should not have access to, and somehow in their get away, they accidentally dosed him,” The possibilities of what that could mean were endless, and didn't exactly explain the PDA he had witnessed up against the ship's railing.
“But why bring him here? Don’t you have clerics at the Soul?” He thought it was a fair question.
“He wouldn't go. I tried to get a hold of Essek, but he was apparently busy with something in Eisselcross, and Caleb was insistent that he needed Molly right now, but that Jester could explain what the potion was.”
They both looked expectantly at the blue cleric, who was grinning mischievously from ear to ear. That was never a good sign.
“Oh yes, Momma had lots of people she helped who came in contact with this stuff,” Fjord groaned, seeing where this was going now.
“So can you help him, he was fucking sweaty on the trip here, I think he might have a fever,” Beau apparently was for the first time a little slower on the up-take.
“Oh, I think Mollymauk has that covered,” Jester wiggled her eyebrows in such a way that gave no doubt to what the two men were getting up to, “Give them a couple hours and Caleb should be fine.”
“Fuck, it’s horny juice isnt it?” Beau sighed, but then she noticed that Jester was trying to pocket what was left of the potion,“Give me that. It’s definitely not safe in your hands.”
Fjord was for the first time in the last few minutes grateful for the Monk, he already had a hard time keeping up with his girlfriend, she definitely did not need whatever was in the contents of that bottle.
____
The sun was setting when the circle lit up again. This time a sole person emerged, floating over to where Beau was helping a couple of the crew finish putting away the spare ropes.
“Where is he? What happened?” Essek was rarely frantic, but he was currently very concerned about the whereabouts of his partner.
Before Beau could explain, Fjord saw the door to the deck below swing wildly open, and Molly attempted to swagger out. He was walking with an odd hitch in his step, but had the biggest smile on his face. All fangs and pride.
He was barefoot and shirtless, which was not an unusual sight, but he was slick with sweat, and his hair was completely untamed. He looked like he had gotten into a fight, but a satisfying one.
“Took you fucking long enough,” He said to Essek, before crossing the deck to Fjord and plucking his water skin off his belt.
“Hey!” But Molly ignored him while he took a long drag and turned back to the other wizard.
“Any later and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to walk for a week. He is all yours Hot Boi,” The tiefling said cooly, as though there was nothing to be worried about.
“Mollymauk, care to explain what happened to Caleb?” Apparently no one had told Essek why Caleb had been reaching out to him, but he had come all the same when called.
“Nope,” Molly said, pushing Essek down the steps he had just come from, ‘‘It’s more fun this way. Third door on the right,” Molly was directing the drow to his own quarters. Essek went reluctantly, and Molly came back to join Beau next to the masthead.
“I swear, when Caleb puts his mind to being a top, he is damn good at it,” Molly told her loud enough that Fjord could also hear. Molly took another long pull from his water before tossing it back to the Captain who was quickly losing control of his ship.
“I have no desire to know anything about Caleb’s sex life Mols,” Fjord had to agree with the monk, the visuals where a bit to much. He called for dinner to be served on the deck, and some ale sent down to Molly’s room. It sounded like Essek might need it.
____
Molly disappeared again after dinner, and the three of them were not seen by anyone until the morning. But they were definitely heard. It didn't take a vivid imagination to know what was going on behind the thin crew walls, especially since Caleb was not being very shy about his intentions. Jester couldn't say how long the potion would last, but they all figured it out when it was suddenly blissfully quiet around 2:15 in the morning.
The tiefling looked almost rejuvenated when he got his bowl of oat for breakfast the next day, apparently not needing sleep like the rest of them, just a really good roll in the hay.
“Where is Cayleb and Essek?” Jester asked him, motioning for him to come with Fjord and Beau and herself.
“Oh they will be up eventually, I am supposed to be distracting you so that they can get to the Transportation Circle unnoticed so they don't have to deal with the embarrassment,” Molly huffed a laugh, while very much not distracting them.
“They were just gonna leave me behind?!” Beau admonished, and Molly merely shrugged.
“Sooooooooo, how was it?” Jester had to probe for more information.
“Please don't answer that, I think we all heard how it was,” Fjord shot both tieflings pointed looks that they proceeded to ignore and Molly stage whispered some very graphic details to her. Lucky he only had to suffer through a few moments of it when he noticed the deck door slowly creak open, and two mages trying and failing at fleeing stealthy.
“Good morning Caleb,” Fjord boomed in his best Captain’s voice, “I am glad you both could join us for breakfast.”
Knowing they were trapped, the two wizards accepted bowls from a very giddy Mollymauk and sat with the rest of their friends. Fjord noted that Essek looked absolutely exhausted, but was trying to hide a smile. After a while of awkward silence, Fjord was the first to speak up.
“We should probably talk about that Transportation Circle, Caleb,” He wasn't really reprimanding his friend, just getting a little teasing in himself.
“Ja, I am sorry about that. I know I promised not to use it without giving you a heads up. It was just - ah, an emergency?”
“What kind of emergency, Cayleb? A sexy emergency?” Jester poked the wizard playfully, he sighed embarrassed but didn't protest, “Oh! I almost forgot, here!”
Jester handed him a little bundle of herbs that looked a lot like they were meant to be steeped and drunk, “That’s the antidote, Caddy gave my momma a bunch, but I took one just in case,” She proudly informed the fully recovered man.
“You had this the whole time? Why didn't you give it to me then?!” Caleb admonished, turning the satchel over in his hands clearly surprised.
“Because it didn't look like you needed it! I am sure Molly had a great time,” she grinned as the Blood Hunter just nodded his head in agreement, trying to hide his smile behind a coffee mug, “plus I didn’t hear any complaints from Essek.”
Essek groaned, while burying his face in his hands, “Is there nothing private with you people? Some things do not have to be public knowledge do they? Not all secrets are bad.”
Caleb nearly whirled on him, “You are one to talk!” he accused, causing his partner to look up confused,
“Half my students believe I am a very loose man behind closed doors,” He pointed a finger at the now blushing Drow, “because you enjoy showing up whenever you care to in different disguises inbetween my classes to claim my attention. I have to field so many rumors about the amount and frequency of people that I am sleeping with because you find it humorous to show up with a different face every week just to get caught kissing me in a closet.”
Caleb's confession startled the group into silence, that was until Mollymauk broke it with a barked laugh, “Essek, I have never been so proud of you,” They all laughed then, but Caleb apparently wasn't done.
“I do not enjoy having my students distracted by my private life, and it is getting increasingly embarrassing to have to turn down coworkers who believe that they should get a shot at being part of my imaginary revolving door of partners,” He was clearly annoyed, but also found the situation humorous. The wizard had spent so much time letting himself only be perceived as a dirty old man, that of course when he cleaned up and found some confidence, he was surprised at the amount of people wanting to get in his pants.
“So then why don’t you just tell them you are in a relationship?” Jester asked, as though the solution was so simple.
“Yes, let's see, how would that go? The morally questionable head professor for Transmutation for an academy in the Empire is dating the Shadowhand to the Bright Queen, who is currently under suspicion for treason,” Caleb explained, exaggerating a bit, but definitely making his point known, “and he is dating a mutinous wannabe Pirate King Blood Hunter who can't read. Yes, I believe those conversations would go over very well with my colleagues and produce no questions from my students. ”
They all knew he was right, and Essek and Molly should probably be upset with his characterization of him, but the tiefling just leaned into him for a quick kiss.
“You called me Pirate King,” Molly affectionately purred at him.
“I also called you mutinous,” Caleb countered with a sly smile.
“Careful, the Captain might hear you.”
Fjord sighed, he knew better than to engage with Molly in a discussion about his insubordination, especially when he was in a good mood. The warlock always lost.
“Well it might be too late for that buddy,” Beau chimed in, mouth full of bacon, “When I found you, you were begging the faculty to contact your husbands. You are gonna have some explaining to do.”
“Fuck,” was all Caleb managed before Molly swept him up into a crushing happy hug, with Essek laughing as well on his other side.
When the wizard’s finally left his ship, Fjord made them take Molly along with them for a few days, knowing it would be better that they made sure he was worn out so he didn’t have to deal with the tiefling's giddy and horny energy for a few days. Jester was bad enough, except he enjoyed that one.