Chapter Text
It wasn’t often that Technoblade slept for more than a few hours.
Whether it was the voices- his Chat, he had dubbed them when he was 8, around the time they first appeared in his head, their soft whispers soon turned into loud shouting, unavoidable and unignorable, desperate for blood- or just due to insomnia, it wasn’t often that the piglin hybrid slept for more than 4 hours.
This night was no different, it would seem, as Techno groggily opened his eyes at a hurried knock on his front door. He pushed himself up with a low groan, slightly grumpy when he saw he slept for only two hours, maybe, and made his way downstairs, a sword in hand and his signature hoglin skull mask and crown on.
The warrior opened his door, a snarl on his lips that died immediately upon seeing nobody at his door. He huffed, unappreciative of the ding-dong-ditch, and turned to close his door when he saw a flash of colour on the ground.
His ruby eyes glanced down, and he swallowed a lump in his throat.
There, on his doorstep, was a small red bundle. A small, squirming , red bundle.
Despite himself, without thinking, Technoblade had bent down, gingerly bringing the small, squirming bundle into his arms. Technoblade glanced around, fruitlessly looking for any humanoid figure, any hint of the person who left this squirming little blanket, before he gently kicked the door closed, bringing the small form in his hold into the kitchen, into the light.
He shifted the blanket aside, biting the inside of his cheek when he saw the scrunched up face of a baby boy with soft blond hair and bright blue eyes.
Just as Technoblade considered heading outside to the nearest orphanage and leaving the kid there, or maybe even just leaving it for the wolves, the baby looked up at him and- despite Technoblade having his skull mask on, a terrifying sight for most people- the small boy gently placed his chubby little baby hand on the piglin hybrid's mouth, letting out the sweetest little giggle and giving the man a toothless grin.
Awww
Oooo free meat!
The gods have given us a gift!!
Such a sweet boy!!
Baby boy
Oh no, he’s already attached-
Free child soldier pog??
NEW BABY
Cant believe the feared Technoblade has gone soft
Technoblade- a fierce warrior, a former emperor, one who had brought nations to their knees, the famed son of Philza Craft, the Angel of Death- felt his heart flutter, and a small smile forced its way to his face. The baby in his arms, giggling so brightly, had made him go soft at a small pap.
Unbelievable.
The piglin gingerly removed his mask and crown, the baby babbling softly as he did so, and gently placed a kiss onto the boy’s forehead. “I’m gonna call you Theseus.” Techno decided, letting a grin overtake his face as the baby cooed and giggled. “Yeah, you’re definitely a Theseus..”
And then, with an even bigger grin, Techno pulled out his communicator, pressing on one of the few contacts.
<Technoblade> hey
<Technoblade> guess what
<Technoblade> [ohshitababy.img]
<Technoblade> heh, ur a grandfather now lmao
<Ph1LzA> >:000
<Technoblade> OLD
<Ph1LzA> i’m going to ignore that, what's their name?
<Technoblade> Theseus
<Ph1LzA> i fuckin knew you’d do something like that
<Technoblade> you named your son Wilbur, at least my son has a cool name
<Ph1LzA> >:/
Soon after, Techno and Phil had discussed a number of things, such as future events and how Techno was going to balance the challenges, championships and his new bundle of joy, but Techno wasn’t too worried about it.
Saying a quick goodnight to each other, promising to visit each other at some point soon, Techno switched off his communicator and looked down at the little baby in his arms.
"OK, Theseus," Techno kissed Theseus' forehead, walking upstairs with the boy. "Time to sleep, baby boy."
A baby on his chest, safe in his arms, Techno drifted off and slept longer than he had in a long time.
Technoblade awoke to crying. His eyes opened slowly, a soft grumble escaping him as he pushed himself up, rubbing at his eye.
Theseus, laying on his chest, whined and squirmed, his face red and his wails loud. Techno gingerly picked the baby up, making the boy quiet down a little, before wailing again, his sobs shaking his form.
Techno stared down at Theseus, confused and concerned. Immediately, Chat started yelling;
Aw no!!
Make him stop, it's annoying
baby boy,,
THESEUS ITS OK DADS HERE
hush little baby don't say a word-
maybe he's hungry??
Techno looked at the baby, biting the inside of his cheek, and got up, heading downstairs.
Grabbing some milk from the fridge, he looked for something like a bottle, then remembered the baby goats he used to have.
He held the baby close as he reached into the back of a cupboard, pulling out one of few baby bottles.
A year ago he raised some baby goats and Phil had suggested baby bottles to feed them, it had worked and the goats had been happy and well before Techno had sold them. He kept the bottles, in case he got more baby animals.
He warmed some milk, and gingerly offered the bottle to the boy, still wailing gently. The boy immediately latched onto the bottle, as if it were a lifeline, and suckled. Technoblade sighed softly, resting against the counter.
The baby eventually finished the bottle, and Techno remembered Phil’s son, Wilbur, when he was just born and was being fed.
“What’re you doin’?” Techno had asked Phil upon seeing the older man standing in the kitchen, baby over his shoulder and patting the boy’s back.
“I’m burping him.” Phil had replied. “Babies often swallow a lot of air when drinking from a bottle, so you have to burp them afterwards.”
Techno awkwardly held Theseus over his shoulder, gently patting at his back for a few minutes. A tiny burp echoed throughout the kitchen, and then the boy giggled. “Alright, kiddo.” Techno smiled, holding the baby at his chest. “How ‘bout we head back to bed, hm?”
technodad
Awe
technosoft
E
theseus so small and bbauby ;0;
With a fed, happy baby, Techno made his way back upstairs, to bed.
Theseus giggled in his arms, putting his little hands all over the man’s face, and Techno smiled softly.
“Goodnight, Theseus.”