Work Text:
“Now, now,” Netero began to say, his voice booming through the room. “The exam is not over yet, there’s still one final phase that you have to make it though,” General uproar proceeded. Netero raised his hands and motioned for quiet. “Now this may seem like it’s going to be a piece of cake, but you have to understand that this going to be the hardest phase of any hunter exam ever to take place.” The other examiners began to bring out books, most of them looked like illustrated children’s books.
“For this phase, you will have to read allowed fanfiction that you wrote as a child. Most of this was gathered from Wattpad accounts, or your fanfiction.net accounts if you’re older, or in Leorio’s case, he didn’t get internet access until quite recently, so we’ve gathered sections from notebooks he had as a child.”
Leorio raised his hand to protest but Kurapika pulled it back down.
“My first gay thoughts were written down in those notebooks,” He whispered in horror. Kurapika patted his head a little bit to calm him down.
“You get fifteen minutes to prepare yourselves, the exam beings at 3pm,” The moment Netero shut up, chaos ensued.
Illumi pulled his phone out as soon as he could. “Hey, hey dad?” He asked, his voice shaking. “Uh so like how important is it that we get that hunters license for the job-”
He was interrupted by screaming on the other end of the phone. Oh no, he was actually going to have to do this.
Rip Illumi Zoldyck I guess.
“The fifteen minutes are up, Pokkle goes first,” Netero said. He handed Pokkle a book and then made everyone sit criss cross applesauce around him like it was fucking kindergarden.
Pokkle got disqualified almost immediatly.
Some people just can’t take the cringe that comes along with reading the “my mom sold me to one direction” fanfic they wrote in middle school aloud to a group of your peers.
Hanzo went next, but he didn’t make it either. Netero told him to leave when he started crying halfway through his John Cena x reader fanfic. He left the circle wiping away tears and insisting that he wasn’t gay.
“Hisoka? You’re next,” Netero said, he was starting to get scared for this one. He wasn’t allowed to look at the fanfics before they read them, so he had no idea what was in store for this. All he knew was that this book wasn’t illustrated, as the hunter who had been in charge of sourcing the fanfics had refused to draw pictures for this one.
Hisoka began to read his fanfic with a grin on his face, he had no remorse, he didn’t cringe once and he didn’t seem horrified at all as he dramatically read what was known as the *shudders* Milk Fic.
As soon as Kurapika realized what was going on he covered Gon’s ears and made Leorio do the same for Killua because nope. The kids were not getting exposed to that kind of thing. What kind of a sick person must you have to be to not only write a fanfic like that, but willingly read it (in great detail) aloud in front of fucking 12 year olds.
Kurapika had to go next, and his fic was by far the least bad. It was just y’know, your standard Frerard fic where Gerard is a vampire that seduces Frank (there’s no actual smut in it, thank god) and shit goes down.
“I used to think I was just like a girl who liked to write about gay dudes and then I like, realized I was a gay dude,” Kurapika said, laughing.
Killua went next. He sat in the middle of the circle and began to read a fanfic in which Ryan Ross and Brendon Urie were on the reality show World’s Strictest Parents and they were staying with the Weekes, as in the family of other Panic! At The Disco member, Dallon Weekes. It was kind of horrifying, but all and all it was nowhere near the most horrifying thing that they’d seen.
“When did you write this?” Kurapika asks him when he sits back down.
“Uhh, a couple weeks ago I think? It was when we were stuck in that awful room with Tonpa for 50 hours, he wouldn’t shut up about some stupid reality tv show he was watching so I wrote a fanfic about it,”
Gon was next, he read a cute little poem he had written a few months earlier about some of his friends on Whale Island, who like, happened to be rolly polly bugs. It was too pure for the world.
Leorio was second to last. He was about half an hour in before someone thought to say: “Yo, is this a fricking slow burn gender swapped Sailor Moon fic?” and he had to admit to it. Netero told him since the full fic was 40k words, he didn’t have to keep reading it.
So then it was Illumi’s turn.
Oh no.
He sat in the middle of the circle, eyes wide in fear.
“Do I have to?” He looked at Netero, who told him he had to. “Fine,”
Illumi took a breath and opened the book.
“My name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I-”
“THAT IS QUITE ENOUGH MY BOY,” Netero said, rushing over to take the book from Illumi’s hands, casting it into the fireplace.
Everyone just kind of sat there in stunned silence, no one knew what to say. (Except Gon and Killua bc they were so young and didn’t know what My Immortal was.”
“Wait so like does this mean that-” Kurapika started to say.
“Yes,” Hisoka said. “I am Raven, and no, Illumi never got his sweater back,”
Illumi was too busy crying in a ball on the floor to hear that everyone remaining had passed the Hunter Exam.